Blaseball Power Rankings: Season 16

compiled & edited by Luckey Haskins & Cal

You asked, we’re answering. Here is BNN, back again with another great round of Blaseball Power Rankings for you, this time for the illustrious Season 16. It’s a long one this week, so lets jump right in.

Behold, our Hubris.

24: 🎸 Seattle Garages [-1]

Well. What a season THAT was, huh? The perennial postseason contenders found themselves facing a bit of a shark problem this past season, and the weaknesses in the rotation plus an average lineup certainly didn’t help. With the weight of Chorby Soul off of the team, however, the Consumers might have found another place to feed. The additions of Penelope Mathews and Jaylen Hotdogfingers to the rotation, as well as the Party boosts to Nolanestophia Patterson, could help on the pitching side of things. But the sheer number of pitchers means that those star players won’t be seeing as much playtime. We’ve expanded the band, but maybe it’s time to consolidate and improve? Malik Destiny’s sudden rise to stardom is a boon that the team greatly needed, but the Shelling of star rookie Oliver Loofah and various shark attacks on non-Chorby players most likely mean that this isn’t going to be the band’s season. On the plus side, if things don’t go well, the team has an enhanced Party Time to look forward to. – Twinkle the Wonder Horse

23: 💋 San Fransisco Lovers [-3]

Banking off one of their worst seasons in recent history, the Lovers take three positive Wills, shadowing NaN for significantly better pitcher Helga Burton, infusing Ortiz Lopez, and moving Gita Biscuits to the Shadows in a wimdy that ended up working out for them regardless. Unfortunately, that’s not all that fate had in store for them, as their resident ace pitcher Parker Meng was replaced by Cannonball Sports, who to say the least isn’t the most fitting of replacements. And with Parker now on the Crabs, she’ll be hard for the team to take back. Additionally, recently infused Ortiz has been replaced by former Georgias player Mint Shupe, who at the very least is a decent replacement. Despite their Election misfortunes, though, the Lovers have paved the way for future success with plenty of potential Will buffs that, assuming that they stay as consistent as they have been, may very well come to fruition. Until then, though, the Lovers will in all likelihood remain on the lower end of the standings. Jade Townsend

One step forward, two steps back. The Season 15 Elections saw the exit of fan-favourite players Parker Meng, Ortiz Lopez, and NaN, but love’s labours aren’t entirely lost. A strong pitching rotation backs up an improved hitting line-up. Expect the Lovers to build on the foundations that have been laid, but don’t expect them to be contending for a playoff spot any time soon. SlappyMcGee

22: 📱 New York Millennials [-15]

The New York Millennials surprised the Blaseball world in Season 15, ending tied for the second-best record in the league and breaking the 60-win mark for the third time in franchise history. The Mills were lead offensively by Sandie Turner, who turned in one of the most prolific performances for a batter in Blaseball history, shattering the single season home run record and being named the Best Power Hitter, Best All-Around Hitter, and Most Valuable Player in Blaseball by the International Blaseball Writers Association (IB(L)WA). Theodore Cervantes emerged as the best pitcher in Blaseball by going 16-1 and tossing two perfect games. Teddy would be named the Best Pitcher in Blaseball by the IB(L)WA for Season 16.

But, even with the two most dominant players in the splort, the Mills still fell in the first round of the playoffs again, this time to the champion Moist Talkers. This marks the third straight one-and-done postseason for the team. Due to a combination of Consumer attacks, including one on Day 99 that hit Theo, the Mills could not keep up with the powerful Talkers.

Heading into the election, the Mills needed to boost their pitching rotation if they wanted to take the next step to become a top tier team. And let’s just say, the complete and utter opposite happened. Somehow, the Mills made the most lopsided swap in the history or all splorts and sports, by trading their best statistical pitcher, Penny Matthews, for a pitcher with ZERO stars and the heaviest soul this side of Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye combined, Chorby Soul. Chorby is an original Mill who sacrificed their life in Season 3 to save Dom Marijuana from Incineration, but they are not the same player they were back then as evidenced by their 15.08 ERA.

The Mills also lost their third best pitcher, Uncle Plasma. Using some shrewd figuring, the Breath Mints nabbed Plasma using the Foreshadow will, calling him up to the team from their Shadows. But wait, how is that possible? Think back to Day 52, when the good Uncle went investigating in the Meadow and entered the Mints shadows for, oh, about 32 minutes. In that time, Mint fans voted to Foreshadow Plasma into their rotation for Oscar Vaughan. As a result, Plasma was called into the Mints rotation and Vaughan was sent to the Mills. You can hate the move, but holy crap, what a move.

What does this mean for Season 16? Well, not great things. Not great things at all. The Mills are definitely not a playoff team. But they are also probably not a speed run to Party Time team either. This season will be a season to pull for individual players, like Sandie, Theo, and Thomas Dracaena (who, let’s face it, has not been up to his lofty standards since coming back from the grand siesta). So strap in Mills fans for a wild ride in Season 16 where Felix Garbage is now the 2nd best pitcher on the team. Rhett Foluler

21: 🔱 Atlantis Georgias [+3]

In the wake of the Season 15 Election, the Georgias are shaping up to be a contender in Season 16; at the very least, they’re shaping up to break 40 wins, even despite two tragic Consumer attacks. After seasons of trying, the Georgias finally managed to move their worst pitcher, Flattery “Battery” McKinley, to their lineup, who is looking to be a star performer in Season 16. In addition to the Easy Out blessing, moving their worst batter to the back of their lineup, accidentally snagging yet another Lover (and sapphic), as well as one of the best base-stealers in the entire ILB, the Georgias boast a pretty impressive lineup in comparison to previous seasons.

Combining that with the Foreshadowing of notable poor pitcher and kid in need of a break, Ankle Halifax, for Knight Triumphant, and the Georgias are optimistic for their performance in Season 16. A team that’s always seen themselves as the scrappy underdogs with a lot of heart and even more lesbians are, for once, hopeful for a shot at the title of “Not Being At The Bottom Of Wild High”. – Sydney

20: 👟 Charleston Shoe Thieves [+2]

The Charleston Shoe Thieves went into Season 15 with several tweaks that significantly improved their performance over previous seasons. Blood Hamburger opened and closed their debut as pitcher with shutouts, though their record was rough during the midseason. Infused contact hitter Herring Winfield became the Thieves’ second-best batter. Ex-Spy Jordan Hildebert, making their debut as a batter, had the second-best HR and RBI numbers for the team. The Redaction of Alx Keming on Day 71 shifted top base stealer Richardson Games to leadoff, giving him wide open spaces to work with.

Overall, the Charleston Shoe Thieves improved from 23rd to 18th in Season 15, earning 8 more wins, 132.5 more runs on offense, and preventing 106.5 more runs on defense. The Thieves had the second-hardest schedule in the league, yet the smallest run differential (fifteen Charleston losses were decided by a single run!). A potentially easier schedule, parties from Alstott, Briggs, Haley, O’Brian, and Trololol, acquisition of blood siphon Halexandry Walton, and Transfusion of Snyder Briggs will hopefully pull the Thieves out of their bottom-dwelling slump in Season 16. – Dr. J, WSHU

19: 🦀 Baltimore Crabs [-16]

After some worries about Flinch, the Crabs turned out to be a Season 15 powerhouse. However, the midseason Redaction of Forrest Best, several attacks from Consumers, and the loss of Nagomi Mcdaniel and Alyssa Harrell in the same game ended up feeding into a crushing defeat by the Moist Talkers. Additionally, the Election hurt the Crabs’ formerly-excellent pitching, added the mediocre Parker Meng to their lineup, and gave star Kennedy Loser the Haunted Modification.

However, things aren’t all bad for the Crabs. Kennedy Loser did get cured of Flinch, and Crabs got a great player in Fish Summer to replace York Silk. 0 Blood also might counteract Flinch, which would provide the Crabs a hearty boost. Despite all this, though, the huge loss to the Crabs’ defensive stats and the addition of Parker Meng to a short lineup point towards the Crabs likely being firmly out of playoffs contention. leo

The duality of Crab makes its presence felt once again. Crabs good. Crabs bad. Crabs good. Crabs… bad? It certainly seems to be so. After ruling over Blaseball with an iron fist in the regular season, finishing with a gargantuan 71 wins – 8 wins better than the next best team – the Consumers decided to diversify their diet from the carcass of Chorby Soul to some All You Can Eat Crab in the playoffs. Two of the Crabs best players were so well-liked by the Consumers that they came back for seconds, thirds, fourths, and more until the kitchen ran out of Nagomi McDaniel and Alyssa Harrell to serve. This is on top of crime lord Forrest Best mysteriously going missing earlier in the season. Then the Worms and Flowers in this election cycle had revenge on the mind, feasting on the Crabs pitchers with Equivalent Exchanges, replacing Jacoby Podcast and Brock Forbes with longtime former Crabs Luis Acevedo and Parker Parra as pitchers, who combined had a record in Season 15 of 4-36.

These changes have ultimately left the Baltimore Crabs a much different team than the powerhouse they seemed to be at the beginning of Season 15. With only 6/13 of last season’s squad returning to the Crabitat for Season 16. And their replacements Fish Summer, Parker Meng, Parker Parra, and Luis Acevedo… just don’t look like they will be able to recapture past Crab magic. Crabs bad. Gary

18: 🏋️‍♂️ Tokyo Lift [-6]

Season 15 saw the Lift finish over .500 for the first time ever, however, the Wild League’s election results have put the rest of the league leaps and bounds ahead of Tokyo. This next season will be tough if you’re a Lift fan. Putting Nandy onto the lineup was a good move, but otherwise a Blessing dry spell and an unexpected Alternate are the only thing the Lift have to show for this season’s elections. The Sixth Stage carries on – hopefully into a swift Party Time. – Spotter Pandora

After two seasons entering the playoffs on a Wild Card, the Lift spent much of Season 15 threatening to reach them on merit. The previous term’s work on batting paid off in Tokyo’s first winning record, even if the Wild Low once again proved just too strong. Pre-Election speculation focussed on the Lift’s pitching woes, and in particular on perennial entire-toolbox-in-the-works Nandy Slumps. The veteran is an equally unspectacular batter, but her move to the lineup at least gives underrated Coolname Galvanic more time at the mound.

Blessings however were a bust, and an alternated Elwin McGhee a surprise that does nothing for the rotation’s mediocrity. This Lift won’t have the Tigers looking back; perhaps the best they can hope for is to remain within sight of the pack. – Lift fan elmonstro (elmonstro#6813 on Discord)

17: 👐 Breckenridge Jazz Hands [+4]

After a surprise playoff appearance in S12, the Jazz Hands have returned to their bread-and-butter style of blaseball: mediocrity. For the last three seasons, the team has won 43, 43, and 46 games, missing out on both the playoffs and the benefits of #PARTYTIME speed runs.

A multi-season rebuild may be close to fruition, however. The Season 15 elections saw the Jazz Hands improve both their lineup and rotation with a pair of Wills that shifted pitcher Edric Tosser to the Shadows and moved Kathy Mathews to the lineup. Rookie Bauer Zimmerman mashed the ball this year, and the hope is that new pitcher Howell Rocha can bring a similar fire to the rotation in S16.

There are still several question marks in the lineup, but the trio of Zimmerman, Baby Doyle, and Collins Melon is formidable. The rotation, anchored as always by Wyatt Pothos, is now solidly above average, bordering on excellent. The Jazz Hands might still struggle to compete with the heavy hitters of the Wild League next season, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they found themselves competing for a playoff spot. Luc “The Riff” Arpeggio

16: 🍗 Mexico City Wild Wings [-7]

My love of the Wild Wings is no secret, and watching them storm through the playoffs was an absolute blast. While the team ultimately fell to the Canada Moist Talkers, the Wings truly showed why it’s named the “Wild Card.” One thing the Wings have proven abundantly clear: when you have a good rotation, Anything Can Happen in a playoff series – it’s just securing a slot that becomes the challenge. The Wild Wings roster holds steady from their postseason appearance, Alternating Yong Wright at a very slight loss, but perhaps their fundamentals have changed enough to improve their performance. Summers Preston (now no longer Allergic) continues to grow as the most terrifying leadoff batter in the league, and Stephanie Winters is finally free for their debut hitting season. Can the Wings claim a Postseason appearance in a Wild League that perhaps the most threatening it has ever been? While the Wings record may not improve from last season, their historic run has definitely shown why you should never count them out – there’s only so low you can place a team with a core like the Wings have built. Para

Hello, this is the Mexico City Wild Wings’ Peanut Mister speaking. As pertains my unending efforts to eradicate allergies across the league, I’m afraid to report the team may have improved their batting. Unfortunately, my planting of concentrated peanut fluids in Preston’s spicy milk has been more or less reversed. Worse, Burke and Pothos’ positions are offset, which means I will end up with roughly 128.2 less innings per season in which to do my spraying. Prospects look grim: the Wild Wings may actually be able to score more than 2 runs per game now, or even win before extra innings. But there’s a silver lining: they might just make playoffs, giving me at least 3 games and 35 innings in which I will personally spray every single person in attendance until I cure someone’s Peanut allergy. If that sounds inefficient, that’s because it is. I am a Peanut Mister. I don’t have eyes. I don’t have hands. I don’t have a functioning heart or lungs or brain or anything that might classify me as human. But I must spray. Dargo

15: 🌞 Hellmouth Sunbeams [-5]

The Sunbeams will forever be somewhat of a mystery, existing only to perplex those who attempt to understand their inscrutable play-style and motives. After a surprising #1 seed in the competitive Wild Division led to yet another 3-0 sweep of the Sunbeams from the playoffs, the Sunbeams have shadowed beloved slugger Nagomi Nava in an attempt to protect her from the various threats that swarm the players of the ILB. Paula Reddick, a somewhat optimized batter, will take up the final slot in the Sunbeams lineup for Season 16, and many are eager to see what her relatively min-maxed stats can do. Unlocking the Grind Rail for the Solarium has led to several Sunbeams topping the trick charts, and with the baserunning upgrade they received in the Election, surely even more flashy tricks are to follow. Finally, the addition of star pitcher Elvis Figueroa will provide much-needed stability in the Sunbeams’ rotation, but with the Spies and Worms making significant improvements, can the Sunbeams even keep up in Wild Low? – Panda

14: 🚤 Miami Dale [-]

Against all odds, the Miami Dale made it to the Round 2 of the Playoffs in Season 15. Going into Season 16, the Dale have once again improved their pitching Rotation, making Sixpack Santiago an overpowering force alongside Qais Dogwalker. However, the Dale’s notable weakness is their batting Lineup, and it seems to have gotten slightly worse. Both Jasmine Washington and Logan Horseman suffered stat losses this season, Avila Guzman was Feedbacked to the Spies, Cannonball Sports was traded to the Lovers in the election, and Cannonball’s replacement, Parker Meng, was Recruited by the Crabs. The Dale’s Electricity continues to compensate for an otherwise rough Lineup, but it may not count when it is needed. With the right schedule, the Dale could go to the Playoffs again or they could go into Party Time early, but as it stands the Dale will likely finish in the middle. Kina McCloud

13: 🔥 Chicago Firefighters [-2]

After a couple of middling seasons, Chicago had an Election that should catapult them back into the playoff conversation. First, the Lead Off blessing moved their best baserunner (Wesley Poole) from the Rotation to the top of the Lineup. Then the Firefighters spent their two Wills to put Lou Roseheart into position to anchor their Rotation. First, they Reformed her Triple Threat mod (leftover from the Coffee Cup) and got a permanent High Pressure mod in its place. Then they Moved her from the Lineup to the Rotation, where she’s now Chicago’s second 5.9-star pitcher. It’s some highly effective roster management, and the Firefighters should expect a bounceback season. Luckey Haskins

12: 🌹 Boston Flowers [+1]

Season 14 saw the Boston Flowers take a dive, powered by Parker Parra, who lost every game they pitched. But Parker is gone now, replaced by former Crabs pitcher Brock Forbes. With only one mediocre pitcher left on their roster it looks like the Flowers’ plans to upgrade their pitching are on the verge of completion.

Despite only having a small time to Party last season they didn’t waste a second: the Boston Flowers partied a whopping total of 8 times! And when your team gets a 5% Boost over the season it makes each one of those improvements worth just that much more.

Make no mistake, they still have gaps in their lineup that need to be fixed but you absolutely shouldn’t count the Boston Flowers out of the running for making the Postseason. If you’re looking for a team to root for that might cause an upset, the Boston Flowers are for you. Kidror

11: ✨ Yellowstone Magic [-7]

The Yellowstone Magic are the embodiment of Uppy-Downy.

After a rockstar performance in Season 14, many in Yellowstone had high hopes for Season 15, many thinking they would even see the post season again. While early performance for the Magic was strong, the forces of the ILB were starting to turn against them. Oz stuck Elsewhere for ages, Dad (Francisco Preston) out to the corner store (Elsewhere) for so long as well, and Wyatt Glover whom the Magic had just pulled back out from the shadows, was redacted early on.

Then the big hit.

Chorby Short, a player who’d gone from an adorable scamp, to THROW IT AGAIN, to frighteningly buffed entrusted Homebody force of destruction, taken in a Redaction.

The Lineup devastated, and community heartbroken, ASSA BEEBO continued strong anyhow thanks to a stellar pitching core and rock solid defense with Eizabeth back on the field, finishing Season 15 with a 52-47 record.

What does season 16 look like for the Yellowstone Magic?

A pitching rotation that’s going to make teams fight for every single run they need, with Inky Rutledge infused into a monster of a pitcher, enough to stand toe to toe with Curry Aliciakeyes and King Weatherman. Tiana Wheeler (LOOK AT THEM MUSCLES), Oscar Dollie, and Francisco Preston all represent serious run scoring threats regularly, although the lineup is looking shaky still from Redactions in Season 15. A defense that will catch what little the pitchers let through with Eizabeth back in full form. The big question will be how much can O No blood make up for what Yellowstone lost, and how much of an Afterparty are they gonna throw.

This season’s for Chorby, As Above, So Below! Dan

10: 🌴 Hawai’i Fridays [+7]

After a perilous Season saw many players Redacted/Consumed and a hectic Election saw rampant roster changes, the Fridays somehow managed to keep their entire squad intact—and party them to greatness. Valentine Games and Beck Whitney are now seven star batting behemoths thanks to multiple parties, the Bat decree, and the Batting Practice blessing. Baldwin Breadwinner, once a measly sourdough starter, was rerolled by Alternate Trust into a loaf to be reckoned with. Juice Collins has been Moved to the rotation (#PitcherOfJuice), boosting the consistency of the lineup and giving the Fridays another criminally good arm.

Between the Crabs’ roster being picked apart by Consumers/Wills, the Moist Talkers losing Dot again, and the tragedies the Magic endured, the proverbial boat might just be unstuck in the Mild Low. Can the Fridays break through? Will they party instead? The Breath Mints? Whatever happens, the Fridays will most assuredly continue to vibe. Traci J

9: 🥧 Philly Pies [-3]

After a season that found the Pies neither in the playoffs nor with significant party gains, fans turned to the elections in hopes of something that will make a major difference moving forward. Unfortunately for Pies fans, while the elections did provide a major shake-up, it was not perhaps the one they were looking for. Gone are superstars Jessica Telephone and Elvis Figueroa, an original Pie and fan favorite, both with underwhelming replacements.

All is not lost, however! What the Pies lost in Figueroa is ameliorated by the foreshadowing of Doc Anice for Tiana Takahashi, whose 3.5 stars, the Pies are betting, undersell a pitcher who can compete with the best. If Takahashi plays like the Pies hope, the extra games they will be pitching–with Nerd Pacheco still in a shell–could make a major positive difference this season. Furthermore, with the universal batting boost and the transfusion of Huber Frumple, the Pies boast one of the strongest lead-offs in the league.

Still, the Pies face an uphill battle. The Millennials, finally looking like a top-quality team last season, may regress after a suboptimal offseason, and the Crabs suffered a number of losses that will likely set them back, but the Mild League still offers stiff competition. The repeat champion Moist Talkers remain the team to beat, while the Steaks, Breath Mints, and Mechanics remain on an upward trajectory. The Pies will need favorable weather, luck, and a little underdog magic to reach the playoffs in season 16. Phoebe I. Ellis

8: 🍬 Kansas City Breath Mints [+8]

The Breath Mints certainly had some strong and attention-drawing moves during the election this season. With their complicated Foreshadow swap to recruit Millennial’s pitcher Uncle Plasma in exchange for Oscar Vaughan, as well as a transfusion for perennial walk queen Leach Ingram, the Breath Mints’ rotation is poised to be a rock to boost the Mints into playoff contention.

The Breath Mints line-up is not without weaknesses, however. The Mints’ offense was in the bottom half of the league in runs scored last season, despite a Middling buff giving Overperformance for half the season, and with star batter Hewitt Best one consumer attack away from being redacted, the Mints’ offense could implode at any second.

With other teams in Mild Low taking hits from Consumers and the election, though, the walls on gay baby jail might be collapsing enough for the Mints to escape into the postseason once again. – tctrain

7: 🕵️‍♂️ Houston Spies [+8]

Welcome back to the era of Spies win. Fitz batting cleanup? Landing a power hitting star via feedback? Actual defense??? The Season 9 flashbacks are hitting too hard right now. Just about everything went right for the Spies in the Election, and then some. Dropping two of the worst batters in league history from the lineup is sure to be a huge boost to the Spies run-scoring abilities, and the talents of Fitz and Avila are hard to understate. Couple that with a blessing that gives the entire team Overperforming for almost half of the season and you may as well start planning the baby shower for the Spies’ Season 16 postseason birth.

If the Spies have any lingering questions, it’s whether their pitching will be able to hold up when tested in the playoffs. Emmett Tabby showed themselves to be a top-tier talent last season, and Alex Rosales is an elite veteran presence, but the rest of the rotation remains raw and unproven. The spies are going to ravage the regular season, and they have the potential to win it all, but whether they live up to that potential will likely come down to if Sosa, Bennett, and Becker step up in the big games. – Cowboy Moth (CowboyMoth#8639 on Discord)

6: 🛠 Core Mechanics [+13]

Season 15 will be a season to remember for the Core Mechanics’ fans with their first-ever appearance in the playoffs (via Wild Card) since they descended with the other expansion teams in Season 12, along with their most successful Election since returning to Blaseball.

The Bats decree has helped patch up an offense that has been severely lacking in previous seasons, often relying on fan favourites such as Lady Mastuyama and Bees Taswell to get those game-winning runs. The Mechanics now have an average consistent lineup across the board, and their Shadows getting some much-needed batting practice in thanks to the Blessing of the same name.

However, the real core of the Mechanics is their pitching rotation, which is arguably the best in the league after multiple seasons of boosts and fine-tuning, as seen in the Season 15 Election with the movement of Torus McGhee into the Shadows and the Pitching Practice Blessing. Other teams will need to gear up if they want to break down the pitching and defense of a Core Mechanics team looking to return to the playoffs this season. – CraftedRobot

5: 🐌 Ohio Worms [+13]

I know, Worms just came last in Wild Low, and Wild Low is looking tougher than ever, but hear me out on this one, Worms good now. NO WAIT DON’T LEAVE –

Worms have been of split mind each season for a while: is this the season they try to win? or do they bide their time for another helping of sweet, sweet dirt and Bottom Feeder? Well, with a last-place finish just behind them, a move that puts Ephraim Ladd out of the sun and into the Shadows, and an exchange swapping Jacoby Podcast for Luis Acevedo, it leaves the entire Worms roster looking really consistent and statistically one of the best in the league.

But from last place to playoffs? While it seems a stretch, most of the games Worms lost in Season 15 came with the two same pitchers; Ladd and Acevedo combined had a record of 12-28. With those holes in rotation pitched up, and the pitchers remaining better than ever, Worms look to be leaving the loam behind and heading for the top in Season 16. Draywo

4: 🌮 LA Unlimited Tacos [+1]

After back-to-back Internet Series appearances, Season 15 played out as many expected – good enough to make the playoffs, but not good enough for a postseason run. Losing to the Wild Wings in the Wild Card hurt, but was a good microcosm of the season a whole: struggled against elite pitching (who doesn’t), solid against average pitchers, but also frustratingly unable to dominate the league’s weaker throwers in the way the power-hitting Tacos of years past were able to.

Losing standout Season 14 rookie Nicholas Vincent to the league’s only incineration on Day 14 hurt – what hurt more was that it introduced the black hole of offense that was Rat Batson to the bottom of the lineup. Although much beloved in the Inifinite Los Angeli, Halexandrey Walton’s attack from Consumers in the Season 14 finale also left them a shadow of their former self. Those two big holes in the lineup have been fixed, with Batson foreshadowed in exchange for former pitcher Sexton Wheerer, and Walton now in Charleston after the Shoe Thieves won the Blood Pact blessing.

On the mound, last season’s moves worked beautifully, with Yummy Elliot having a career year and Vito Kravitz performing above their stars, as theorised. Wyatt Mason IV’s inconsistency cost the Tacos at times, most notably in the playoffs, and LA fans will be hoping their transfusion can echo Elliot’s improvements (and not any other Echoes).

The Wild Low seems brutal once more, but with a trimmed lineup and more consistent rotation, if the Tacos perform to the best of their abilities and make the postseason, they could really do some damage and go deep in the playoffs again. Blenjamin Rees

3: 🐅 Hades Tigers [-1]

The Tigers lost to the Wild Wings due to a runs deficiency, putting up only 2 total Runs in three of the four games in the Wild League Finals. Now, the legendary Jessica Telephone is joining the MVP-level Aldon Cashmoney to give the offense some pep. The Team sent Mummy Melcon to the Shadows to protect their beloved pitcher from consumers, also streamlining their rotation, meaning more Hiroto Wilcox. The ever elite pitching of the Tigers now has batting to match. Jarom Moore

2: ⚪ Canada Moist Talkers [-1]

Back-to-Back Champs the Canada Moist Talkers are definitely in a rougher position than they ended the season, but there’s still plenty to look forward to. Newly Hydrated, the team looks to take advantage of two-out rally situations and reduce the likelihood of leaving runners on base. Combined with High Pressure and the newly acquired Flooding+, the offensive boosts may be enough to offset the loss of Fish Summer for the slightly Consumer-bitten York Silk. The loss of PolkaDot Patterson is unfortunate, but not unexpected – in their 15-season career they’ve been Vultured twice, Plundered thrice, and even Shelled. Receiving Sixpack Dogwalker in return is a mystery box of unknown proportions, and will certainly make a dent in the team’s previously pristine rotation. Can the Talkers take it back-to-back-to-back without their Ace leading the squad? It’s a difficult question to answer, but one things for sure – if the Talkers don’t make it all the way this season, don’t be surprised to see them near the top of the list again next season. Para

1: 🥩 Dallas Steaks [+7]

Season 15 was one of good news & bad news for the Steaks. Zephyr McCloud truly blossomed, making the top three in batting average and on-base percentage… but spent 40 days Elsewhere, unable to contribute during the crucial middle of the season. Sam Scandal’s debut season on the mound was as good as Steaks fans could hope for… but the bottom of the rotation struggled mightily against a stacked Mild League. The team finished 2nd in the Mild High… but missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker at Day 97.

Season 16, however, looks to be the start of some long-awaited purely good news. In the Election, a mysterious benefactor rolled the Plunder dice at the last minute and they came up double sixes. The Steaks picked up the legendary PolkaDot Patterson and sent back the weakest (but still a very good girls) member of their rotation in return. With Scandal and Patterson, the Steaks now have two of the best pure strike-throwing pitchers in the ILB – the two combined for 590 strikeouts versus only 2 walks in S15! On the offensive side, Parties by Conner Haley and McCloud – plus former #2 hitter Gallup Crueller taking a break in the Shadows and new cleanup hitter Allison Abbott gaining High Pressure – have made the Steaks lineup the most formidable it’s ever been. Steaks fans have patiently struggled for 15 seasons to slowly shape the team into one that might be able to pass the first round of the playoffs – Season 16 might be the best chance the Steaks have ever had. Mark Haines


Well, that’s it. How will the Hubris end up effecting our Panelists? Guess you’ll have to tune into our Midseason PR Review on Wednesday to find out.

Thanks to all voters and blurb writers. We love you all.

Cal & Luckey

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