The Crabs are back and the Crabs have won again. However, Blaseball moves on and the Season 13 Election had the likes of craziness that we hadn’t seen in some time. How does this effect your favorite team? Lets see. Here’s to Hubris.
24: 🔱 Atlantis Georgias [-1]
The Georgias had a successful first ILB season for an expansion team. They out-performed the other Wild League expansion teams, proved themselves a worthy opponent, but still managed to qualify for an extra Will.
Their sophomore season may prove to be more of a challenge for Atlantis. The Lift and the Worms both made solid gains, while the Georgias went a more steady route. The roster playing in The Bubble is balanced and steadily improving, but Season 14 will be more about positioning themselves for future success. – Luckey Haskins
23: 🐌 Ohio Worms [+1]
After a Season 13 that included a new Party Time speed run record and the lowest amount of wins in Blaseball history, the Worms have managed some small improvements. They triggered their Bottom Feeder modification, buffing the whole team by 5%. Also, their whole team benefits from all four Flotation Bubble Blessings, as they were all won by Wild Low teams. However, a not-quite-incredible offense, paired with what is probably the worst Rotation in Blaseball (especially after swapping one of their better Players for the newly-pitching NaN) keeps the Worms solidly in the bottom 10% of our rankings. – Cal @ BNN
22: 🛠 Core Mechanics [-1]
The Core Mechanics had a solid debut in Blaseball, managing to get 40 Wins over Season 13. However, after losing pitching ace Polkadot Patterson back to the Moist Talkers, revoking one of the better Batters (Jasper Blather) off of a 0% chance Will, and gaining the one star Batter Evelton McBlase II from the Crabs, the Core Mechanics may have a much tougher second Season in the ILB. – Cal @ BNN
21: 🏋️♂️ Tokyo Lift [+1]
The Lift have had their best off-season yet. Infusing star pitcher Coolname Galvanic was the most popular will by a long shot, and you can see why. In season 12, the one star pitcher walked zero people. Now, as a 3 star, they will be monstrous, although in a longer rotation due to former Millennial Alejandro Leaf Roamin’ to Tokyo.
Meanwhile, they wimdy replaced Cudi di Batterino, beloved weak spot after a season 12 peanut, with rookie Engine Eberhardt, making this their second shadows pitcher in their lineup. This isn’t their only batting change, however- they also replaced Lotus Mango with MVP Goodwin Morin, although how much of an impact they’ll make so late in the order is debatable. They also won flippers for Stijn Strongbody and Freemium Seraph, although they, along with Wyatt Quitter, their season 12 Trust, will continue to have a hard time getting on base.
However good this off season was may very well end up moot, however, due to the Lift starting from behind and trying to keep up with an extremely competitive Wild Low. We’ll just have to wait and see. – Lift Spotter Pandora (pandorasJar#6597 on Discord)
20: 👐 Breckenridge Jazz Hands [-9]
The Jazz Hands took a major step back in Season 13 after a surprise playoff appearance in Season 12. A wild and chaotic season left the team firmly in rebuilding mode, and Sunday’s election did little to improve their outlook. Breckenridge bolstered their rotation by swapping Holden Stanton for August Sky, but their lineup is full of holes and the team is liable to fall off a cliff after the Earlybirds modification wears off. Trying to compete in the stacked Wild League will be difficult, and that’s before taking into account any increased weather events brought about by the Loge prefab in the Jazz Hands’ new stadium. Breckenridge is likely in for another season at the bottom of the standings. – Luc “The Riff” Arpeggio
19: 🎸 Seattle Garages [-13]
The Seattle Garages started Season 13 fresh off a Mild League championship, however not being necessarily blessed by the election with the addition of two new lower star pitchers spelled further disappointment for the season.
Coming out of the season however, there is hope for the team, choosing to infuse Alaynabella Hollywood and making the best of a bad thing losing Goodwin Mornin for Lotus Mango. We even got to close the book on a premiere figure of the league, Jaylen Hotdogfingers by retiring her to the shadows and calling up Nolanestophia Patterson.
While our pitching rotation may be just as full as our batting lineup, I look forward to a future where the Garages can make it back to the shape they were in only a few seasons ago. We may just have to be a bit more cunning and scrappy, but we’ll be damn sure we’re gonna Park It. – Chris
18: 👟 Charleston Shoe Thieves [-5]
After a very Charleston-style Wild Card playoff run that went deep in Season 12, the Shoe Thieves had a more frustrating Season 13. They lost Hotbox Sato to a Rogue Umpire on Day 20. Charleston could regularly go toe-to-toe with eventual playoff teams, but often seemed to be one pitch or one big hit away from winning those close games.
This offseason for the Shoe Thieves seemed like a strategic reset for the team. With Tillman Henderson returned to the Hall of Flame, Charleston sent Blood Hamburger to the Shadows to train up. Ostensibly we may see Blood back to shore up the Shoe Thieves rotation. Until then, Charleston will have to contend with a very strong Mild Low. – Luckey Haskins
17: ✨ Yellowstone Magic [-2]
For Yellowstone, Season 13 was a very disorienting year. Losing a just boosted Cory-12 for King Weatherman was a net loss, and despite an up and down middle of the season, including some decent lineup production, the Magic struggled to produce runs and field when needed. Then the big hit: Sutton Picklestein incinerated, a major emotional blow for an already struggling Magic. Despite all this, thanks to a game 99 King Weatherman party time, a now Infused Chorby who can hit AND run effectively, and replacements for Sutton and Wyatt Glover, they’re looking better for Season 14 and might be able to take a peek at the postseason – Leto
16: 🍬 Kansas City Breath Mints [+2]
The Breath Mints. are a team that always seems teetering on the edge of success. Like the Crabs, they’re a defense-heavy, pitching-heavy small-ball team. Unlike the Crabs, they keep falling just short of the offensive power needed to send runners all the way, often stranding them in scoring position. Despite being at the bottom of the Mild League, this isn’t a team that ever gets thoroughly beaten – instead, losing a game by one run in extra innings is quickly becoming a Kansas City Special.
Thanks to a Mild League party time speedrun, formerly-bad pitcher Leach Ingram had their eye for the strike zone drastically improved overnight. The Mints also got rid of troublesome batters Stew Briggs and Eizabeth Guerra in exchange for none other than Jessica Telephone – this time third in a lineup of only eight batters. This formerly bottom-scraping team seems ready to take on the playoffs once more. – Astrid
15: 💋 San Fransisco Lovers [+5]
After a middling Season 13 that saw them ending in the middle of the very middling Mild High division, the SF Lovers have managed to improve themselves through the election. Gaining the powerful Fitzgerald Blackburn in exchange for sending Yeong-Ho Garcia to the Spies while also trading one of their weaker teammates, Morrow Wilson, for perennial fan favorite and all-around Blaseball all-star Knight Triumphant, the Lovers are looking well on their way to competing with the top Teams in the ILB – Cal @ BNN
14: 🥩 Dallas Steaks [+5]
Barely missing out on a Postseason Birth after a Day 99 loss to the New York Millennials, the Steaks’ stock has been raised conservatively by our panel. Over the Offseason, the Team boosted their offensive capabilities by calling up Zephyr McCloud and infusing Cory Ross. However, they also lost the batting Pitching ace August Sky to the Jazz Hands, gaining back the 3 star Holden Stanton in return. Will these changes balance out or cause significant changes for the Steaks? We’ll have to wait and find out. – Cal @ BNN
13: 🍗 Mexico City Wild Wings [-1]
Mexico City has had a successful run so far in the Expansion Era, making it to the Division series of the Playoffs two straight seasons. Their rotation is still one of the best in the entire ILB, anchored by the always-impressive Burke Gonzales. But Season 14 looks like a tall trial for the team from The Bucket. Outside their stellar rotation, the team hasn’t kept up with the breadth of upgrades in the Wild League. It’ll be interesting to see if they can utilize the new ballpark to gain an advantage at home, and you can’t ever count out a team with that rotation. But the fight for a Playoff Birth will be much more difficult for the Wild Wings this season. – Luckey Haskins
12: 🚤 Miami Dale [+4]
Congratulations to the Miami Dale for being promoted from the 16th spot. Despite the unexpected departure of vaunted Logan Horseman, the Dale still enter Season 14 with a lot going for them. They missed out on playoffs by only a few games and the mercy of the schedule. In addition, the idea that Qais Dogwalker got even BETTER is enough to keep other teams in the Wild League awake at night. – Luckey Haskins
“I truly believe it is the season of the 305, the Dale have an impressive batting lineup, even with the loss of Logan Horsemen. Qais Dogwalker could surely have an incredible season, helping the Dale get their way to not just postseason, but the crowning spot. I say Dale at 16th no more!” – Chris
11: 🕵️♂️ Houston Spies [-1]
The Spies have had perhaps the wildest offseason of any team in the ILB, and because of that they were the most divisive team within our panel of experts. Those who say the spies are poised for another deep playoff run point to Wild Low’s clean sweep of the flotation bubbles and to new rookie Emmett Tabby, who fans expect to accompany ace Alex Rosales and breakout stud Sosa Hayes in a strong pitching trio. Detractors point to the loss of star batters Fitzgerald Blackburn and Knight Triumphant and their inconsistent lineup and say The Spies are locks for a free will next election. The only thing we know for certain about the spies is that anything they do will be unexpected, and we imagine that’s exactly how they like it. – Regional Scout Cowboy Moth (CowboyMoth#8639 on Discord)
10: 🌹 Boston Flowers [+7]
Don’t look now, but those Flowers have something going on for this season. They have solid stats across offense, defense, and the mound. They have Growth, and they have Nagomi Mcdaniel anchoring the rotation. The big concern is around consistency — there is a lot of chaos, a lot of up-and-down in that roster. But if a few rolls go their way (a big “if”), Boston is set to take advantage. – Luckey Haskins
“Look, I don’t know quite how it happened: Flowers look good going into season 14. Add Mcdaniel to a shaky pitching rotation and you might have a recipe for success. All I can say is, I have high hopes her season in the Shadows prepared her for a return to pitching. – Shadows Correspondent
9: 🥧 Philly Pies
After infusing Henry Marshallow to shore up their rotation and gaining the incredible, albeit shelled, Nerd Pacheco in the offseason, the Philly Pies were already looking much better following a Mild Low trailing 40 Win finish in Season 13. Pair that with ten parties in 12 games, a powerful lineup of incredible playmakers, and a rotation that’s low point is the perfectly serviceable Doc Anice, and the Pies are set to potentially dominate the division they just ended their Season in the back of. – Cal @ BNN
8: 🌞 Hellmouth Sunbeams [-6]
Season 13 was a rough one. Following a lackluster season and untimely incineration in Game 98, the Sunbeams have been struggling. Coupled with the loss of heavy hitter Aldon Cashmoney, it’s no wonder why the Beams have dropped in the rankings. However, a new and infused Nagomi Nava with the excellent Richmond Harrison now head up the Sunbeams batting roster. The additional defensive boosts from Wild Low’s blessing sweep and shored up pitching definitely help, but will it be enough? The Beams have high hopes, but we shall have to wait and see. – Pandi
7: 🔥 Chicago Firefighters [+7]
The Firefighters have spent the last few seasons improving their overall quality, individual skill, and internal consistency. As a result, they’ve made two consecutive playoff appearances, including an epic Wild League finals faceoff against the ascendant LA Unlimited Tacos.
Firefighters have continued tinkering under the hood, buffing stalwart Lou Rosehart and welcoming newcomer Wanda Schenn, while Mags Bananana is gone Roamin’. The Wild Low improvements and an expected Hades rebound will challenge Chicago in Season 14, but they are poised to fight for a third straight Playoff Birth. – Luckey Haskins
6: 🌴 Hawai’i Fridays [+2]
Hawai’i fought through a pair of Feedback swaps that shook up their rotation, making it all the way to the Mild League finals. They made minimal changes to their roster this offseason, mostly keeping with the vibes that got them so deep in the previous season’s playoffs. The Fridays have one of the most consistent rosters, which should prevent them from suffering streaky play. On the other hand, the Mild Low is a tough division — as you’ll see, there are still two teams from the Mild Low that are ranked even higher than Hawai’i. It may come down to which teams have the more advantageous schedules. – Luckey Haskins
5: 📱 New York Millennials [-1]
After another run to the playoffs, followed by an early exit, New York has kept their offseason changes simple. They’ve shortened their rotation, which remains in the top tier of the ILB. They’ve improved their lineup and made it more consistent with the addition of Peanut Holloway. The only caveat there is that a Bananana followed the Peanut from Chicago, making a surefire lineup a little more interesting.
If there is a concern with the Mills, it’s that their defense remains somewhat middling, which can cost them close games. They’re still likely to pace the rest of the Mild High, but fans should still expect the streakiness and close calls that have become a hallmark of Mills blaseball. – Luckey Haskins
4: ⚪ Canada Moist Talkers [-1]
While their Wills didn’t go exactly to plan, the Moist Talkers still managed to replace one of their underperforming Pitchers with an ace. The return of Polkadot Patterson to The Gleek brings hope of a more robust rotation to support a star-studded cast of batters and help tip the scales back in the team’s favor. On the Offensive end, the team has traded their Earlbirds boost for a more permanent modification in High Pressure – sure to remain relevant in this era despite the promises of upper management. While not quite enough to push them all the way to the top of our panel’s rankings compared to some of the other teams in the League, these changes have slid the Talkers to the fourth slot, but we wouldn’t be surprised to see them go all the way. – Paranundrox
3: 🐅 Hades Tigers [-2]
Through no effort of their own and three consecutive <10% odds Will draws, the Hades Tigers can now boast one of the strongest lineups in Blaseball history. Don’t let their 3.81 (third highest) average lineup batting stars fool you: their hustle and eye for the ball are much better than almost anyone else’s and their lineup is surgically organized. Three-time Wild League MVP Aldon Cashmoney leads it off: one of the best baserunners and hitters in the league in the best possible position. Batters Paula Mason – a fire eater – and Nicholas Mora – an extremely consistent slugger – follow vim. The rest of the lineup is no slouch either, and has no real holes – both Violet and Aliciakeyes consistently overperform their stars. All this is paired with one of the best rotations in the League. The Tigers are back. Not the Expansion Era Tigers: the Early Discipline Era Tigers. – Dargo
2: 🦀 Baltimore Crabs [+6]
After a few Seasons away, the Baltimore Crabs returned to Blaseball authoritatively in Season 13, coming into the Postseason as the #1 Mild League seed before sweeping all of their opponents 3-0 on the way to the Championship. While some of our analysts pointed to the Fourth Strike as a major contributing factor to their win (they’ve since lost it), others are plenty high on the Crabs after they were able to shop out some of their worst players in return for the 5* lifetime Dale player, Logan Horseman, during the Election. Regardless, the Crabs have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, so we’ll see what Season 14 brings. – Cal @ BNN
1: 🌮 LA Unlimited Tacos [+3]
TACO BACO! After an incredible playoff run, the vast majority of our panel say the Tacos will take it all. It’s easy to see why: after taking a commanding lead of the Wild League and making it to the Internet Series for the first time, the Tacos only improved after the Season 13 Election and gained Sun Dialed, awarding them 1% stat boosts throughout the season when they activate Sun 2. If last season is anything to go off of, they’ll collect plenty of extra Wins and get a handful of small stat boosts. However, their two-pitcher rotation remains as fragile as before; the Tacos are one weather disaster away from a one-way trip to #PARTYTIME. – iliana quorum
Tacos… Good! Nicholas Vincent is a welcome addition to the lineup that may be what the Tacos need to break through a tough defense like the one they faced in the Finals. Barring disaster, the Tacos are ready for another strong season, but they are the Tacos, so “barring disaster” is doing a lot of work here. – Frijoles Jones
That’s all folks. That’s another Season of Power Rankings in the books. Here’s the Hubris.