The Crabs have ascended. The Shelled one is defeated. The New Boss has arrived. The Shelled One’s Pods have returned to blaseball. The Tokyo Lift have joined the league.
So, so much has happened on the immaterial plane this season, and it leaves us with an interesting Season 11 ahead before the Grand Siesta. To help you get ready for all the action, here are our power rankings, assembled from the combined expertise of Benson “Nutty” Newson and Firewall Andrews. Each team is listed alongside their change from last season’s power rankings.
20. 🏋️♀️ Tokyo Lift [NR]
Scouts aren’t optimistic about the Lift’s chances in their first ILB season. We know Wyatt Quitter already, and they’re not exactly an impact bat. The rest of the players are brand new to ILB and lack a lot of upside. The pitching staff, in particular, doesn’t project to perform well, with Gerund Pantheocide representing the staff ace with the best hope of leading the Lift to a few victories in what should be a challenging ILB debut.
19. ✨ Yellowstone Magic [-1]
There’s a big question mark on this ranking … What does O No blood ACTUALLY do? If it boosts the team across the board, they’ll likely outperform this ranking, but they are certainly on the wrong end of a loaded Mild League. Curry Aliciakeyes is an ace on the mound and was the only Magic pitcher to avoid a losing record last season, and we expect further growth from them in Season 11. But the loss of Annie Roland (RIV) hurts the batting order, which will be the shortcoming for this Yellowstone squad.
18. 🥩 Dallas Steaks [-7]
Take everything we just said about the Magic and flip it on its head for this one. The Steaks have some great hitting, led by Conner Haley and bolstered by the addition of Patel Beyonce, but the pitching staff is simply not good enough. In a league loaded with talented batters, the Steaks will struggle to stay in enough games to make a run at the playoffs. If Leach Herman, Orville Manco and Sixpack Dogwalker can ALL have career seasons, perhaps the Steaks could sniff a playoff spot. But otherwise, expect a lot of big offense and an unfortunately loss-heavy record.
17. 🍗 Mexico City Wild Wings [-]
The one-time Champions will benefit from being in the much weaker Wild League this season, but this team suffers from most of the same inconsistencies it has seen in recent seasons. Burke Gonzales and Rafael Davids are aces and Summers Preston is a solid hitter, but the rest of the team won’t be good enough to lift this team back to the playoffs. Some party time to bolster the batting lineup would be fantastic for the Wild Wings in Season 11.
16. 🚤 Miami Dale [-]
The Dale have some great baserunners and can now take walks more easily, but we’re not sure that’s enough to seriously raise their standing in the Wild League. Beck Whitney is going to steal a ton of bases this season, for sure, and Qais Dogwalker and Sixpack Santiago will headline the pitching rotation, but the batting order needs another impact bat or two to take the next step and be a true playoff contender. Francisca Sasquatch is a solid player but not the savior this team needs.
15. 🌹 Boston Flowers [-9]
The loss of the fifth base will almost certainly hurt the Flowers’ pitching, and the batting order doesn’t quite live up to its billing (and is a bit too long to effectively feature star hitters like Jacob Haynes and Margarito Nava). The Flowers will see something of a boost from Walk in the Park making walks more frequent, but their division will share that buff, making it less impactful for their playoff chances. We want to see if the pitching staff can perform without a fifth base before giving them a higher ranking than this moving forward.
14. 📱 New York Millennials [-3]
Just like the Flowers, we’re not sure that the Mills have the pitching to compete in a loaded Mild League without fifth base covering from some of their pitching inconsistencies. Theodore Cervantes is an ace, but the rotation needs another couple of pitchers to prove they can handle a four-base season to make a run at the postseason. Also, someone needs to back up Thomas Dracaena in the batting order, as the Mills’ leadoff hitter is an all-time great and wields an actual airplane this season, but the rest of the hitters are not consistently moving them around the bases.
13. 🌮 Unlimited Tacos [-]
The pitching staff doubles in size and halves in effectiveness with Peanut Bong joining Sexton Wheerer in the bullpen for the Tacos. But the batting order is what will drive this team forward. Valentine Games is a top-tier hitter and Halexandrey Walton and Mcdowell Mason provide incredible support at the top of the tight batting order. We just don’t see the Tacos making the leap with only two pitchers, and one of them being such a lackluster option.
12. 👐 Breckenridge Jazz Hands [+5]
Are the Jazz Hands back to having two aces, just like their prime a few seasons ago? Campos Arias is already one of the best pitchers in blaseball, and Wyatt Pothos has impressed scouts and appears to be a legitimate ace to complement Arias and provide Breckenridge with two great mound options. But, outside of Baby Doyle, can the batting lineup do enough to support the bolstered pitching staff? We’re not convinced, which is why they get a healthy boost but don’t enter the Top 10 of our power rankings.
11. 🌞 Hellmouth Sunbeams [-5]
A true wild card for Season 11 … this team is going to walk A TON. And they have a team full of great baserunners. With Walk in the Park, Fourth Strike and Base Instincts, the Sunbeams are going to be getting on base with a chance to move and score on a regular basis. Speedy players like Nerd Pacheco and Hahn Fox will benefit most from this change, so the question remains … will the pitching deliver? The whole staff took a step back in Season 10, but if they can rebound in Season 11, we could be VERY wrong with our ranking of this team. The ceiling is high, but the floor is low.
10. 🔥 Chicago Firefighters [+5]
A pair of peanuts can be found at the bottom of Chicago’s deep but very average batting order, but a pitching staff that performed well in a tough division with only four bases last season is our reason for optimism for this former championship squad. The Wild League is not as talented as the Mild, so we think a solid pitching staff and decent lineup will be enough to keep the Fighters in the mix for the playoffs in Season 11.
9. 🥧 Philly Pies [-1]
The Pies’ efficient batting order paid dividends last season, and their ace Elvis Figueroa remains one of the toughest competitors on the mound in all of blaseball. But without fifth base, the rest of the pitching staff — which did perform well a season ago — could take a big step back. Especially Nicholas Mora and Bright Zimmerman, who struggle with hits and walks despite their sub-5.00 ERAs in Season 10. This offense will cover for some of that, but not enough to make Philly a title contender.
8. 🏝 Hawai’i Fridays [+11]
Well, we have a new record for positive jumps in our power rankings. Funny how adding the best player in blaseball plus a ton of party time buffs will do that for a team. Nagomi Mcdaniel returns to Hawai’i to bolster a batting order that is slowly improving over the past couple of seasons in the Mild League cellar, and the pitching staff is incredible. Montgomery Bullock joins from the champion Crabs, while Evelton McBlase, Stevenson Heat and Gabriel Griffith are holdovers who have really taken a step forward lately. The hitting might be JUST shy of finals contention, but this will be a very tough team to score against in Season 11.
7. 🍬 Kansas City Breath Mints [+7]
What happens when you take a team with great pitching and defense and add one of the best hitters in blaseball history? We’re about to find out. Jessica Telephone joins the Breath Mints (but unfortunately bats last) to help support an incredible pitching staff led by Winnie Hess. The lack of fifth base will mean the pitching takes a step back, but the defense this team has more than makes up for that. If Telephone can move up in the batting order, that would be great, especially with repeating hitters ahead of her. But even just having her on board will boost a team that has seemed on the verge of stardom for a while now.
6. 🐅 Hades Tigers [-4]
A move to the Wild League will be huge for the Tigers, who have a tight, solid pitching staff and some solid batting. However, the defense isn’t great, so the lack of fifth base will hurt, and the hitters will need to rebound to make this team a title contender. Still, Aldon Cashmoney is a superstar and MVP contender and Hiroto Wilcox is an ace, so the Tigers will coast to a playoff spot in a weaker Wild League.
5. 🎸 Seattle Garages [-]
The Garages have five of the best pitchers in blaseball … the problem is that they have seven pitchers. Goodwin Morin is a newcomer scouts are raving about, and Pitching Machine returns to add a powerful arm (arm?) to the Seattle rotation, but they won’t pitch as often as aces for other teams, which is a downside for the Garages. The batting is solid, but the defense isn’t, and there are just enough downsides to keep this team out of the Top 4 and true title contender status.
4. 🕵 Houston Spies [-1]
The Spies have emerged as one of the top teams in the Wild League, and with the Crabs out of the picture, they’re going to be tough to catch as they race into the lead and benefit from the Walk in the Park buff. The pitching is fantastic led by Alexandria Rosales and the hitting is great top to bottom. It’s hard to see a future where this Spies roster doesn’t win the Wild League, and it might do it by a 10-game margin.
3. 💋 San Francisco Lovers [+6]
The Lovers ALREADY had great pitching, and now they’ve added Bontgomery Mullock and Jaylen Hotdogfingers (although she is flickering) and are entering a season with only four bases for every team — something they’re used to after being in the bubble in Season 10. They’re in a very tough Mild League, but the Mild High is a bit weaker than Mild Low (you’ll see why below), and there are enough wins to be found there for such an incredible pitching staff. Knight Urlacher and Don Mitchell have to do the heavy lifting on offense, but they have been good enough in the past to propel this team to solid finishes.
2. 🗣 Canada Moist Talkers [+2]
The returning team with the best record got even better over the offseason, adding York Silk to their lineup and losing the fifth base curse. The Moist Talkers are going to SCORE RUNS in Season 11, with Fish Summer and Silk pairing together to form one of the best one-two combos in blaseball. The pitching is fantastic, too, with PolkaDot Patterson leading the rotation, and a solid defense that will take some of the edge off of losing the fifth base from a pitching perspective.
1. 👟 Charleston Shoe Thieves [+10]
The former champs and two-time finalists are undoubtedly the best remaining team in blaseball, and they proved in Season 10 they can perform despite curses. They added a few buffs this offseason, including the fourth strike which will essentially offset their flinching nerfs against good pitching. Traveling Team will give this team a slight advantage when away from Choux Stadium, and … we don’t know what Haunted does. But we do know this: The pitching staff, even with Tillman Henderson, is amazing, and the bats will have a big advantage this season with four strikes and four bases. Season 11 looks to be the Shoe Thieves’ to lose, and we can’t wait to see it play out.