Welcome once again to the totally perfect® Blaseball News Network Power Rankings, a production of the Blaseball News Network. We’ve once again assembled our team of Blaseball Experts (This week: Benson “Nutty” Newton, Firewall Andrews, Splortscaster, & Behind the Bats) to create the definitive Power Rankings for Season 10.
Without further ado, let’s get into it.
20. ✨ Yellowstone Magic [-2]
All the Magic wanted was a fishing net … but the Blaseball gods did not allow it. This club spent most of Season 9 near the bottom of the Mild League and figures to do so again in Season 10, with some moderate buffs from Enhanced Party Time but not much else to feel optimistic about. Eizabeth Elliott and Inky Rutledge both picked up some strength heading into the offseason and are names to watch if this club makes an impact in Season 10.
19. 🌴 Hawai’i Fridays [-]
The Fridays want their dork back, and their quest to defeat the gods starts in Season 10 with an improved but not deicide-worthy lineup and rotation. Lots of party time buffs have boosted this pitching staff to decent levels, led by former Steaks pitcher Gabriel Griffiths. The lineup is still relatively weak, and after scoring the fewest runs in blaseball last season, it’s doubtful we see them do much more than that in Season 10. Party up and go get York back, Fridays!
18. 🚤 Miami Dale [-2]
The Dale had the unfortunate luck of barely missing the Season 9 Playoffs, barely getting to Party for improvement. They missed out on any buffs in the Election while the one team that finished behind them in the Wild Low, the Tacos, became significantly better. The Dale will probably have a bit of a rough Season 10.
17. 👐 Breckenridge Jazz Hands [-2]
The Jazz Hands continue their slide downwards after another disappointing season. Missing playoffs for the second time in a row but spending no meaningful time in Party Time and winning no blessings (asides from the Wild High-wide 5th Base Bubble) means that the Jazz Hands have seemingly nowhere to go but down after no meaningful changes.
16. 🍗 Mexico City Wild Wings [+1]
Well, welcome to the Wild League, Wild Wings. These former Champs had a rough go of it this season, ending at 36-62. With a good amount in Party Time, the 5th Base Bubble, and two new solid players from their Shadows, we’re passively optimistic about their chances, but aren’t going all in.
15. 🔥 Chicago Firefighters [-1]
The Firefighters make up another Wild High team who spend much of their time losing the Crabs and more powerful Wild Low teams, sadly. With no extreme improvement for several seasons, and another disappointing finish that still didn’t result in much Party Time, they’ve slipped another place. However, they did get a decent Lineup improvement from the addition of Socks Maybe (through the sheer power of such an incredible name) and also will benefit from the 5th Base Bubble.
14. 🍬 Kansas City Breath Mints [-3]
A combination of good luck and good vibes set the Mints off to an amazing start in Season 9, but everything came tumbling down over the course of the campaign. However, that meant plenty of party time, and we’ve heard that Winnie Hess is looking as good as ever on the mound — and even at the plate during practices — thanks to all that time spent celebrating. The bats will need to step up to support Hess and a solid pitching staff for the Mints to outperform this mediocre ranking.
13. 🌮 Unlimited Tacos [+7]
In what may be the biggest jump in the history of BNN Power Rankings (we’re lying, that’s later in the article), the Unlimited Tacos transformed themselves into solid playoff hopefuls during Season 9 Proceedings. Benefitting from plenty of partying, 10% buffs to both Hitting and Pitching, a 2% buff from Mutually Arising, trimming their worst player (Wyatt Dovenpart) from their Lineup, and having a single (and now quite solid) pitcher on the mound, the Unlimited Tacos suddenly are looking like a well rounded Blaseball team (albeit, a very small one).
12. 👟 Charleston Shoe Thieves [-8]
Normally in power rankings, defending champions are ranked near the top. But the Shoe Thieves take a tumble with the curses they received following the boss battle against the Shelled One. Don’t get us wrong … this is still the incredible pitching staff that won the Season 9 title, but until we know what “mild pitches” do and how bad “flinching” will be for the batters, there’s reason to downgrade this club. Plus, Jaylen Hotdogfingers changes teams often, and it would be a huge blow for the Shoe Thieves to lose her in Season 10.
11. 🥩 Dallas Steaks [+1]
The Steaks will look for revenge after a rogue umpire incinerated one of their pitchers this offseason, and they’ll be driven forward by one of the league’s best players. Conner Haley is coming off of his second 40-homer season and is now “spicy,” meaning he could go on some really dangerously good hitting streaks in Season 10. However, Dallas is lacking on pitching and defense, which ultimately should keep them just shy of the playoffs.
10. 📱 New York Millennials [-4]
This team has under performed relative to expectations for seasons, and finally they’re starting to slip down our rankings. That said, they still have some incredible talents on offense led by Thomas Dracaena and should make some noise with the bats … but the pitching and defense might not be enough for a playoff push. Plus, as Millennials correspondent Rhett Fouler mentioned on Twitter, the Mills have a poorly constructed batting lineup that holds them back from their true potential.
9. 💋 San Francisco Lovers [-2]
The Lovers still continue to disappoint, finishing under .500 in Season 8. They still have some of the best pitching and defense in Blaseball, but their offense doesn’t quite seem up to the task. However, with the Wild High Fifth Base Bubble and their new Love blood in play, they may get the boost they need to return to the playoffs.
8. 🥧 Philly Pies [+1]
Jessica Telephone has left the club, as has Peanut Holloway, so the Philly batting order is much less potent than it was in seasons past. But Jaxon Buckley and Eduardo Woodman will now star in a tight, efficient hitting lineup, and Elvis Figueroa will anchor a pitching staff that performs better than expectations, especially newcomer to Philly Henry Marshallow. This is a borderline playoff team, and with some luck and positive transactions this season, could make some noise.
6. 🌹 Boston Flowers [+4]
Another Season, another big jump for the Boston Flowers. After finishing 3rd overall in the Wild League, the Flowers picked up Shame Bubble for the Wild Low and gained Scores Baserunner, a 3* Hitter in the Season 9 Election. Together with the 2% Buff from the Mutually Arising Blessing, the Flowers will be fun to watch.
Also 6. 🌞 Hellmouth Sunbeams [+4]
That’s right, another tie. Our team couldn’t decide. So here we are. The Sunbeams had a solid building Season 9, making their 2nd Postseason in a row and nabbing several division wide buffs to help them out. While this may be overestimating the Sunbeam’s abilities, we’re happy to have them higher in the top 10 for Season 10.
5. 🎸 Seattle Garages [-]
Mike Townsend is back! But will he be a credit to the team? Seattle’s offense is solid, led by Oliver Notarobot, and they have strikeout machine Betsy Trombone on top of a decent but inconsistent pitching rotation. There’s enough power and decent pitching from Trombone, Arturo Huerta and Tot Clark to get the Garages back into the playoffs, but they aren’t true title contenders without an ace like Jaylen Hotdogfingers in the rotation.
4. ⚪ Canada Moist Talkers [+9]
The largest jump in BNN Power Rankings History! The Talkers had not seen a ton of love from offseason blessings in recent seasons, but they made up for that with some huge boosts heading into Season 10. Not only is star pitcher Polkadot Patterson out of their shell and therefore not whisked away to the Shelled One’s team, but the team added hitting stats across the board and will benefit from the late-season addition of Beasley Gloom to a solid pitching staff. If everything comes together and the hitting boosts pay off, this is a legitimate title contender, or at least a solid playoff club in the Mild league.
3. 🕵️♀️ Houston Spies [-]
The Spies Won a lot in Season 9, winning the Wild Low and reaching the Playoffs with ease. They didn’t see any improvement this Offseason past a Wild Low-wide 2% buff and obviously spent no time in EHP. They’re still strong, but expect some regression thanks to improvement of other Wild Low teams and Wild High teams being helped by 5th Base. Of course, they’re protected from Shame thanks to the Flowers!
2. 🐅 Hades Tigers [-]
Firewall Andrews was the highest on the Tigers in our preseason rankings, putting them first — the only ranker to not put the Baltimore Crabs in that spot. He told us he believes the Crabs have shown enough flaws in the postseason to take a step down from the top spot, and the Tigers received some solid buffs to an already great pitching staff this offseason. Will we see ascension in Season 10 from the Tigers and not the Crabs? At least one of our staff thinks so.
1. 🦀 Baltimore Crabs [-]
For the first time since Season 5, one of our panelists voted for the Crabs to be #2. No matter. Hot off a Championship finals they narrowly lost and with the Fifth Base Bubble and a newly Unshelled Best-Hitter-In-Blaseball Nagomi Mcdaniels (now both Incineration-proof and at a higher chance to benefit from Blooddrain) on their side, the Crabs are once again looking incredible. They did lose solid baserunning and defensive power in Tillman Henderson’s incineration, but we’re sure they’ll bounce back.