SEASON 8 IS FINISHED.
Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the traditional full Season recap! I hope you’re ready to buckle in and read about some of the most exciting happenings of our beloved Season 8. A Pitching Machine stole the hearts of fans everywhere, a new Champion was crowned, and the Hall exploded in popularity. Let’s get into it.
Following a regular season campaign that saw them once again dominate the league, the Baltimore Crabs once again cruised to Postseason victory. They only lost 2 of their 11 games played, dropping one against both the Houston Spies and the Hades Tigers.
They now join the Philly Pies and Hades Tigers at 2 victories each, placing them into the race for first Ascension. Whatever that means. We’re still not sure.
With the Crabs still looking like the most dominant team in Blaseball history, they very well may pick up their third win in Season 9, finally revealing to us what Ascension means.
At the end of Season 7, we saw that entire Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff stuffed into Peanut Shells through the acts of the Scary Peanut God(?). We all wondered, how will the Tacos be able to win now? How will they compete if they can not throw the ball? After all, as the The Book of Blaseball reads:
In fact, we were so worried that the Tacos would automatically concede every match that we put them at the bottom of our Season 8 Power Rankings. After all, how can you win when you can’t pitch?
Well, it seems that the Unlimited Tacos (or perhaps the Blaseball Gods) had a solution, as as the Season opened, we saw a Pitching Machine being wheeled out the mound. That’s right, a beautiful Pitching Machine was the sole pitcher for the Tacos for a large portion of the Season.
Did I mention that it started out, in fact, a better pitcher than the average Unshelled Tacos pitcher?
We’ve quickly learned, however, that this machine isn’t all it seems at first glance. It has blood (A type) and even enjoys to drink Coffee.
Also, on Day 12 of the Season, it Blooddrained some of Ortiz Lopez’s pitching ability, making it a fresh 3.5* pitcher. Incredible. Another Blooddrain on Day 74 and some Enhanced Party Time saw Pitching Machine end its debut season at 5* of pure pitching mastery… and inside of a peanut shell, as it’s place on top of the Idol Leader board was not at all pleasing to the ever returning Giant Peanut.
In its debut season, the Pitching Machine pitched more innings in a Son than any pitcher in Blaseball history, even with one of its pitching teammates, Sexton Wheerer, being unshelled on Day 47 and taking over some of the Pitching duties.
As many Blaseball fans know, Season 7 was largely defined by the pitching of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the THEN-freshly resurrected Ace from the Seattle Garages. As she accidentally hit players, they would become Unstable, putting them at much higher chance of Incineration. Should a player be Incinerated, the Instability would be passed to another player inside of the game, regardess of team or position.
The Jaylen Instability caused many fan-favorite players to pass on to the Trench in Season 7, leading to a lot of trepidation in Season 8. Would Jaylen continue to rip through the League?
No, at least not in the same way. My favorite resurrected Blaseballer refinanced her debt with the Blaseball Gods, though there is still, in fact, debt. Whenever Jaylen beaned a Player in Season 8, they were instead made to Flicker, an effect that causes a Player to be more likely to get caught up in a Feedback frenzy. Don’t worry, plenty of Players were flickered around from Team to Team. In fact, Eduardo Woodman and Alyssa Harrell of the Pies and Fridays swapped Teams twice in the same Game (causing them to remain on the same squad on which they started the day).
While Jaylen continues to impact the League in her own unique way (and also being a quite solid pitcher for the Garages at the same time), at least she no longer has to incinerate fellow players to square off her dues. It is worth noting, however, that there we no announcements of any of her debt being repaid this season.
Don’t worry, there will be more about Jaylen later.
Right before the amazing Season 8 began, we got a visit from the new face around the Blaseball-verse, The Watcher, who followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from the Hall.
The Watcher proposed a deal. In return for “little eggs” (peanuts), The Watcher would maybe, just maybe, let us see our friends again. What does that mean? Well.
The Watcher opened up the Hall of Flame, a place for fans to tribute peanuts to all of their favorite players. Every single player that has been Incinerated is available for Tribute here, including Boyfriend Monreal, a Kansas City Mint that sadly passed away from Instability in Season 7.
What exactly does the Hall of Flame do? Well, we’re not sure yet. In fact, for a time, there was a Not-Very-Ominous Blue Line below spot 14, but that has since dissipated.
14 players? Huh, that’s the size of a Blaseball team.
After the introduction of a Slider that allowed Blaseball fans of all persuasions to dumpster Peanuts in Tribute rather than clicking one at a time, the counts for each player exploded.
The current Leaders, by some margin, are Landry Violence (the first player incinerated from the Tigers, who inspired the now popular phrase “Rest in Violence,” and the aforementioned Boyfriend Monreal.
At the end of the Regular Season, the Watcher once again showed up and asked us to keep giving Peanuts, just in case we wanted to see out friends again. Ominous.
The final Odd Happening from the Beginning of Season 8 was that, well, there was some microphones on the Idol Leaderboard.
They were stuck on sports 6, 11, and 18, confusing Splorts fans everywhere. What were the Microphone spots for?
Somehow, fans came up with the plan to stick Jaylen Hotdogfingers (told you she’d be back), Sixpack Dogwalker, and NaN into the Microphone slots. Sixpack Dogwalker was chosen for the Pregame Ritual, “Talking to the Microphone,” but I haven’t been able to confirm solid reasoning for the other two. They may have been following clues from The Microphone itself.
As soon as the Peanut had finished telling us “It” is complete (yeah, that’s all the Peanut did this week, besides shelling some of your faves) and the Monitor left after encouraging us to continue shelling out more peanuts to feed it (it’s very hungry for “tiny eggs”), well, this happened.
The Microphone seems to have reached out to these players, unleashing information so shocking to the Blaseball world that nobody is quite sure what to do with it.
Communicating through it’s newly crowned Receivers, both Sixpack and NaN’s Pregame Ritual changed over several minutes.
It is Wyatt
I have a plan– Wyatt, apparently
These Celestial Receivers, as one could say, have stayed with “I have a plan” as their pregame ritual.
Wyatt Mason, the ex-Unlimited Tacos player that mysteriously dissipated around the time of the Grand Unslam, seems to have been stuck inside the Microphone, or perhaps has been the Microphone this entire time. No matter what is the case. They have a plan, for what though? To get back at
Also, did I mention that all 3 of the Players are now permanently Flickering?
That’s right, NaN, Sixpack Dogwalker, and Jaylen Hotdogfingers are now permanently at a higher chance to be caught up in Feedback Frenzy, permanently. This is specifically terrifying in the case of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. So far, the resurrected Pitcher has largely only terrorized Mild High (and to some extent Mild Low), but permanent Flickering means she’s sure to find a new home before we know it. What other teams will be effected by her wild throws once she inevitably leaves the Seattle Garages?
I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
There are certainly other things that happened in Season 8 that I could talk about but those are the major beats. It was an enjoyable time to be sure.
Next? Siesta! Wait, that’s already over. I’m publishing this late because I fell asleep working on it and suddenly woke up at the beginning of Season 9. Weird! Well, I’ll be back with more recaps before you know it.