SEASON 8: THE FIRST 30 DAYS

SEASON 8 IS HERE.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with my first inter-Season recap in quite some time! It’s finally time to put my writer’s hat back on and give you the awesome recaps that you all supposedly know and love. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

At the end of Season 7, we saw that entire Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff be stuffed into Peanut Shells through the acts of the Scary Peanut God. We all wondered, how will the Tacos be able to win now? How will they compete if they can not throw the ball? After all, as the The Book of Blaseball reads:

THROW THE BALL.

In fact, we were so worried that the Tacos would automatically concede every match that we put them at the bottom of our Season 8 Power Rankings. After all, how can you win when you can’t pitch?

Well, it seems that the Unlimited Tacos (or perhaps the Blaseball Gods) had a solution, as as the Season opened, we saw a Pitching Machine being wheeled out the mound. That’s right, a beautiful Pitching Machine has been the Taco’s sole pitcher for 30 games now.

Did I mention that it is, in fact, a better pitcher than the average Unshelled Tacos pitcher?

We’ve quickly learned, however, that this machine isn’t all it seems at first glance. It has blood (A type) and even enjoys to drink Coffee.

Also, on Day 12 of the Season, it Blooddrained some of Ortiz Lopez’s pitching ability, making it a fresh 3.5* pitcher. Incredible. I look forward to keeping up with Pitching Machine’s career as it progresses.

As many Blaseball fans know, Season 7 was largely defined by the pitching of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the freshly resurrected Ace from the Seattle Garages. As she accidentally hit players, they would become Unstable, putting them at much higher chance of Incineration. Should a player be Incinerated, the Instability would be passed to another player inside of the game, regardess of team or position.

The Jaylen Instability caused many fan-favorite players to pass in Season 7, leading to a lot of trepidation in Season 8. Would Jaylen continue to rip through the League?

No, it seems. Our favorite resurrected Blaseballer is has refinanced her debt with the Blaseball Gods, though there is still, in fact, debt. Whenever Jaylen beans a player now, they are instead made to Flicker, an effect that we’re still not exactly sure what it does. Several experts believe that it increases the chance of a player being swapped in a Feedback Frenzy, but this has not yet been considered.

While Jaylen continues to impact the League in her own unique way (and also being a quite solid pitcher for the Garages at the same time), at least she no longer has to incinerate fellow players to square off her dues.

Right before the amazing Season 8 began, we got a visit from the new face around the Blaseball-verse, The Watcher, who followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from the Hall.

The Watcher proposed a deal. In return for “little eggs” (peanuts), The Watcher would maybe, just maybe, let us see our friends again. What does that mean? Well.

The Watcher opened up the Hall of Flame, a place for fans to tribute peanuts to all of their favorite players. Every single player that has been Incinerated is available for Tribute here, including Boyfriend Monreal, a Kansas City Mint that sadly passed away from Instability in Season 7.

What exactly does the Hall of Flame do? Well, we’re not sure yet. In fact, for a time, there was a Not-Very-Ominous Blue Line below spot 14, but that has since dissipated.

14 players? Huh, that’s the size of a Blaseball team.

The final Odd Happening from the Beginning of Season 8 through now is that, well, there’s some microphones on the Idol Leaderboard.

They’re seemingly stock on spots 6, 11, and 18. What does it mean?

I have no clue. I guess the fans of Blaseball will have to figure out.

wild high:

As predicted by our Power Rankings, the Baltimore Crabs are crushing the ILB. No matter what happens, the Crabs are just too good to be contended with. Even with their two strongest players shelled, they’ve shot out to a dominant lead over the entirety of the League and certainly over Wild High.

Meanwhile, other Wild High teams, while historically all Postseason hopefuls and contenders, are struggling to get to .500, or even .300 in the Lovers and Millennials case. Why is this? I speculate it’s because these teams have not gotten significantly better in a long time, while Wild Low competition has gotten significantly fiercer in the last half a season thanks to Enhanced Party Time. This, on top of being continually pummled by the Crabs, has lead to some sad squads. I’m sure that a few weeks in the All Empowering Party will have these WH teams back up to snuff before I know it, though!

wild low:

Continually one of the most fascinating divisions in the League, Wild Low has siginfincatly improved over the last few seasons. Thanks to a combination of Blessings and now Enhanced Party Time, these once miserable and continually losing teams are starting to shape up into real contenders. In fact, The Sunbeams are gunning for best record in the League, even after facing several WH teams! I look forward to seeing this division continue to develop past it’s early stages of being the worst place to be in the League.

Mild High:

The Dallas Steaks, with fresh rookie hitting powerhouse 4* Rai Spliff and All-Star 5* leadoff Hitter Conner Haley in tow, have tied up the always dangerous Seattle Garages for 1st through 30 games. Both the Steaks and Garages have been quietly performing and improving ever since the Wild/Mild split.

Meanwhile, the Season 7 Mild High Champs, the Kansas City Breath Mints, are seeming to struggle without their Captain and All-Star Boyfriend Monreal, a late Season 7 incineration. Likewise, with their top-3 Pitching Ace in a giant Peanut shell, the already not-quite-awesome Moist Talkers seem to be directly on their way to Party.

Mild Low:

With the Charleston Shoe Thieves on top by two games and the Philly Pies 2 games behind with their star hitter, Jessica Telephone, currently flickering, Mild Low seems as locked up as is possible. Of course, with just 3 games between the Thieves and the Season 8 ILB Champion Wild Wings, anything could happen. Will the Wild Wings go on a tear and surprise us in the next 60 games? Probably!

Meanwhile, the Hawaii Fridays are ready to kick back and relax as they’re sure to continue their downward trajectory in the coming days.

There are surely more things that have happened so far this season. Many weather events, some unfortunate passings, and more, but that’s for another time.

I hope you enjoyed reading this recap, and hope you’ll continue to stay tuned to my employer, the incredible Sentient AI-Driven Blaseball News Network.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

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