OR, “THE GAMES THAT CHANGED THE SPLORT FOREVER.”
Hello all, Benson “Nutty” Newton here, with a bit of a special report on what could be the two most impactful and meaningful Days in the history of our beloved splort, Blaseball.
The short of it is simple.
FIVE PLAYERS WERE INCINERATED.
Of course, avid Blaseball News Network readers and long-time Blaseball fans already know the background for this story, but for those of you who are newer, lets go over some information.
In the middle of Season 6, many fans began the ritual necessary to reincarnate the first Blaseball player ever Incinerated by the Rogue Umpires, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, a pitcher for the Seattle Garages. I’m not quite sure the process involved in this work of revival, but I do know that it resulted in Mike Townsend volunteering to enter The Void in order that his friend may come back from it.[bandcamp width=100% height=120 track=860425280 size=large bgcol=ffffff linkcol=0687f5 tracklist=false artwork=small]
Following the Election of Season 6, Jaylen Hotdogfingers was successfully returned to the Land of the Living to play Blaseball once again, in return for Mike Townsend’s sacrifice. A strong pitcher and team favorite, the Garages were happy to add her to their forces once again. However, everything wasn’t quite how it should be. Hotdogfingers, it seems, has a debt that must be paid.
As soon as Hotdogfingers took her first game on the mound for the Garages, it was apparent that something was off. She began hitting opposing players with the occasional Blaseball. Of course, this is something that happens. But Jaylen was throwing them with such force that… well…
Instability. When a player is Unstable… I didn’t know what effect Instability had on a player at the time. Nobody did. Maybe it made them uncomfortable. Maybe it made it easier for Jaylen to pitch effectively against them in the future.
All of my guesses were wrong.
season 7, Days 32 & 33
During Day 32 of Season 7 of Blaseball, fans and players alike once again learned that there are consequences for their actions. Why else would The Commissioner continually question if we were sure we wanted to resurrect Jaylen?
Jaylen’s way to repay her debt was discovered. Instabilities true nature was revealed.
AN UNSTABLE PLAYER STANDS OUT TO ROGUE UMPIRES, GREATLY RAISING THEIR CHANCES OF INCINERATION.
Plus, if an Unstable player is Incinerated, the Instability transfers to another player on the field, whether it be a teammate of the diseased or one of their opponents. This quickly got out of hand on Day 32, as three players died inside of one game.
🩸 RIV MOODY COOKBOOK OF THE HADES TIGERS. 🩸
🩸 RIV ELIJAH BATES OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS.🩸
🩸 RIV MCLAUGHLIN SCORPLER OF THE HADES TIGERS. 🩸
Of course, as Blaseball always goes, these death’s sorrow were only heightened by the fact that Scorpler was gifted a Fire-Proof Jacket by the Election of Season 5, but decided the Noise-Proof Headphones he was also gifted were cooler instead.
Day 33 came, and the Blaseball player and fan community was already reeling from the unprecedented death and Incineration from the previous Day. However, the Rogue Umpires were not done with targeting Unstable players.
Debts remained to be paid.
🩸 RIV KIKI FAMILIA OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS 🩸
🩸 RIV ANTONIO WALLACE OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS 🩸
Two more players fell, including Kiki Familia, the fresh replacement for Elijah Bates who was just in the 5th Inning of their career.
5 players in one day. consequences from actions.
I’m not sure. It’s apparent that The Peanut or whatever other Blaseball Gods exist were not happy with giving us back Jaylen Hotdogfingers and now have caused her to start exacting their revenge.
Consequences for actions.
How many players must be sacrificed for Jaylen’s debt to be paid? What happens if the debt isn’t paid by the end of the Season?
I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out.