SEASON 6: FULL SEASON RECAP

HOWDY.

SEASON 6 is finished.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with another hot end of Season recap to go over… well, the entire Season! This is my first recap of the entirety of Season 6, because I was on vacation! It was such a wildly packed Season, making it a bit of a bad one to be gone for. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

THE BLOODDRAIN GURGLED.

DRAIN. NOT RAIN. DRAIN.

As is tradition in Blaseball, a new Season meant new weather conditions for our beloved Hitters and Batters to have to contend with. While I’m not quite sure how it could be considered weather, the Blooddrain gurgled across every single Stadium in the League this Season, enabling players to siphon off a half star of ability from another player every time it occurred.

Whether it be a Batter stealing Hitting from a Pitcher, or a Pitcher siphoning some Pitching skills from a defending Hitter, this weather subtlety moved play making ability around the League without being flashy.

Also, it’s kinda gross to see happen.

WILD WINGS GO TO COURT.

THE WILD WINGS LEGAL TEAM SUED THE BLASBALL GODS. wHY? defamation.

Following their placement into the Mild League, the Mexico City Wild Wings sued the Blaseball Gods for defamation of character, irreparable material damages, and “serious Grade A bull.” The Wild Wings apparently took their name and spiciness quite seriously, if they were willing to go to court over it.

Parker, the Blaseball Commissioner Prime Minister Intern(?) wasn’t quite sure how to the handle the case, but at different times declared the case dismissed, the court being adjourned, a mistrial, and a hung jury.

In the end, the Blaseball Gods seem to have taken their revenge on the… team from Mexico City and their Legal team has dropped the case, probably having run up against the seemingly infinite legal power of Blaseball itself.

THE CRABS WIN IT ALL

FRESH OFF OF 4 BLESSINGS AND A HISTORIC SEASON, THE BALTIMORE CRABS WIN THEIR FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP.

Everything that could go right for the Baltimore Crabs went right this Season. They started off by gaining four Blessings that majorly jacked their entire lineup and snagged them Ace Pitcher Axel Trololol. Even after having their star Batter, Nagomi Mcdaniel, stolen by the Breckenridge Jazz Hands within the same round of Blessings, they assembled what was easily the best Blaseball roster of all time by Star count.

Spoiler, they lived up to expectations.

Going on a record-setting 22 win streak on their way to a final record of 80-19 (the best Regular season record in Blaseball history by 8 games), the Crabs easily handled every opponent put in their way. They even managed to sweep the Boston Flowers, Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and Seattle Garages on their way to winning the ILB Championship, their first time hoisting the title.

Good job, Crabs. Hopefully there will never be a team this dominant again.

EVERYBODY ELSE

BEYOND THE CRABS, INTERESTING THINGS STILL HAPPENED.

At the beginning of Season 6, many fans of Blaseball were worried that the Season would become quite boring. The new Leagues and Divisions set up a certain subsection of Teams for success, while the Blaseball Crabs looked prepared to dominate. Oh yeah, also the Season 5 Runner-Up Jazz Hands picked up a 6* Hitter with 5.5* Base-running and 4* Defense. However, there were still some exciting happenings to go around in the League.

boston flowers burst into the playoffs.

The Boston Flowers managed to tie up the New York Millennials on the final day of the Season, making their way into the Postseason for the third time in six seasons. With a final record of 51-48, it was a miracle that the Wild Low leader squeaked in at the last second. Unfortunately, they were immediately swept by the eventual champions.

Seattle garages make run for the finals

The Seattle Garages, little punk rockers that they are, made a beautiful run for the ILB title this year. Squeaking into the playoffs at 53-46, right behind two other Mild High teams (Hades Tigers & Kansas City Breath Mints), the Garages went on an unprecedented run during their first playoff apprance, shocking the 2-time Champ Philly Pies and the other 2-time Champ Hades Tigers on their way to the Finals, where they were finally swept by the Baltimore Crabs.

chicago firefighters defeat new york millennials for blood pity.

In an odd twist of the new Blood Pity present in the Wild High Division, the New York Millennials and Chicago Firefighters actively fought over last place in the division for several days. Since the Blood Pity requires every team in the first through fourth places to give stars to the last place finisher, these two teams, while definitely eliminated from the Postseason, competed for the Blood Pity Stars. The Season 5 ILB Champ Chicago Firefighters came out on bottom and will receive the coveted ability boosts!

NECRONUT.

POTENTIAL SUCCESS AND ABJECT FAILURE COLLIDE IN BLASEBALL’S MOST AMBITIOUS PLAN YET.

Ah, yes, Necronut.

Season 6, in addition to Blooddrain and the most juiced up team that Blaseball has ever seen, brought yet another new feature to our beloved Splort, Idols. Members of the Blaseball fandom were allowed to Idolize their favorite player (or any player for whatever reason) in order to make themselves some more money for betting on even more Blaseball games.

However, the new Idol leader board brought with it a twist, a ominous Red Line beneath the top three Idolized players, and a warning from The Peanut to honor their legumes. It quickly became obvious that The Peanut wished for its three offspring, Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Holloway, and Peanut Bong, to occupy these top three positions. Thus, the community of Blaseball fans conspired to, at the End of the Season, make sure these three reached the vaulted position The Peanut demanded. Well, not all of the Community.

Meanwhile, after Day 32 of Season 6, incinerated Garages pitcher, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the first player every Incinerated by a rogue umpire, entered the Idols leaderboard. Shown as being a part of The Null Team, Jaylen quickly was vaulted into position 14, the spot that allowed them to be theoretically returned to Blaseball through the Blessing “Lottery Pick,” which reads: “Steal the 14th Most Idolized Player in the League.” Many view this act as a way to defy against the Blaseball Gods. The Commissioner simply had one thing to say:
“are you sure about this?”

Thus, Necronut was born. Get the Peanuts to the Top 3 Positions on the Leaderboard, and keep the beloved Jaylen Hotdogfingers at position 14 so that they may be resuscitated.

Well, as of right now, Jaylen Hotdogfingers is still at position 14 with the Election fast approaching. The Peanut legumes reaching the top three? Well.

SHELLED.

THE PEANUT DECLARES A THIRD STRIKE AGAINST BLASEBALL AND STRIKES IT’S BEST PLAYERS.

Despite all of the Necronut planning and scheming passed around the community, when the time came, only Peanut Bong was within the Top 3, sitting below League MVP winners and Eternal Blaseball All-Stars Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel.

The Peanut reappeared and declared The Third Strike, claiming that fans of Blaseball attempted to patronize them but failed. As punishment, The Peanut entrapped Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel into massive peanut shells before disappearing once again. Of course, this brought great troubles upon the Philly Pies and Breckenridge Jazz Hands’ playoff runs, as their two star players were… unavailable. Peanut Bong was left unscathed.

When will The Peanut appear next? How will Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel escape from the Peanuts punishment? Heck, will they ever? We will have to wait and find out.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS.

THAT’S THE END OF THE RECAP. THAT’S IT.

While there are plenty of other things I could get into concerning Season 6, including Incineration, Peanut Allergies, Feedback Swaps, and more. But so much happened this Season that we’ll just leave such items for another time. I personally loved both my vacation and watching Season 6 unfold from afar, but I’ll be back before you know it to keep giving you the more consistent recaps you love.

Here’s to an amazing Season 6 election and an incredible Season 7!

the commissioner is doing a great job.

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