Hosted by SIBR, written by BNN Staff
Gia Holbrook is the best career mechs batter.
OK you may be thinking, “but, dear writer, that’s a pretty low bar.” After all, this is not a team much known for its ability to hit. But I’m here to tell you that for four rather longer than average seasons, Gia was not bad, not mediocre, not merely able to score a run more than the pitchers would allow, but in fact could even be described as “actually a rather good batter.”
I am, of course, talking about the four seasons of Mechs Good – the mid expansion range where the Mechanics won two seasons and were within spitting range of a third ring before a postseason collapse in Season 21. Four seasons in which Gia had the most Plate Appearances of any batter in the league. Sure, Gia’s batting career might have been nine seasons and a day, but those four seasons counted for way more of their career than they should’ve just because Mechs couldn’t keep their batters from going Elsewhere.
So what did they do in those four seasons? Well, they didn’t post an OPS+ under 150, had a batting average of 0.327, OPS of 0.925. They weren’t a slugger, predominantly favouring singles and doubles, but they got on base with remarkable consistency. Look, there’s a reason Season 20 and Season 21 Mechs were scary and it was mostly the rotation, but it was also the fact that we had a rather wonderfully consistent small ball Lineup— and Gia Holbrook was at the heart of that.
They’re not the best batter ever. I’m not going to claim that as and when someone decides to make a list of the batting GOATS that Gia should be on there. But are they a hall of famer? I’d give this one a solid maybe, worth considering. Because they embodied a rather successful batting strategy that helped their team in their meteoric rise and mid expansion dominance, while representing the other key parts of good ol’ traditional batting in the Core: abysmal baserunning, decent defence, and ultimately transforming into a high ruth pitcher.
Followers of these pages might well already know that my favourite Blaseball player is Rat Mason. It’s no surprise then that I’m writing a blurb advocating for their Hall of Fame candidacy. Inherent biases aside, I think it’s a rock solid case at worst. Let’s dive in.
Looking at some of the advanced statistics paints the picture of a very good, if not exceptional hitter – 121 wRC+, 123 OPS+. Take away the Discipline Era when Rat was not as productive (the OG Tacos were… flat out bad, tbh), and those numbers improve to 132 wRC+ and 135 OPS+ after the demise of the Shelled One at the end of Season 10.
Many players with long careers lack consistency – Rat does not. From Expansion Era onwards, they were an above average batter by OPS+ in every single season. Where Rat really came into their own was after a Season 16 Election Transfusion. The Tacos, with an already reduced Lineup, became even more shorthanded after former teammate Alejandro Leaf ‘Tasted the Infinite’ and trapped both Felix Garbage and Basilio Fig in peanut shells, reducing the Lineup to just 4 hitters. With Sexton occasionally Elsewhere, the ‘Oops, All Masons’ Tacos (Rat, Mcdowell and Basilio) and the horse started tearing pitchers apart. Rat pounced to hit for 150 OPS+, and put up a ludicrous 9.8 WhAT season. They were third that season in hits, first in doubles, and they tied Sandie Turner’s single-season home run record.
That post-season Rat achieved a 0.376 OBP through 101 PA, mashing 6 homers, drawing 7 walks (in the height of Ruthlessness), and posting a 1.017 OPS. Rat also bunted in Mcdowell Mason for the winning run to shame Hawai’i in Game 3 of the Internet Series and give the Tacos the title.
They only got better from then on, posting a staggering 11 WhAT in Season 18 as they became the focal point of the Tacos’ exhilarating offense.
Then there’s the Semi-Centennial, where Rat Mason, officially the worst baserunner of all-time by wSB and BsR, escaped the clutches of the Vault Legends not once, not twice, but three whole times. No one else could even squirm through on a single occasion.
Rat Mason is fourth all-time for doubles, second in hits with RISP, seventh in RBI, tied ninth in sacrifice bunts, and eighth in total bases.
Oh, and they’re also the record holder for most hits in ILB history, 206 ahead of second place.
We did a deep dive on Rat on the BACo. podcast which is being given the showbiz re-release treatment this week where we talk about how much we love Rat in much more detail.
Rat is an iconic Taco, arguably their greatest player, who stole the hearts of the ILB public when they left the splort’s greatest players fumbling like fools in their wake, all while putting up the league record for hits.
Don’t think twice. Vote Rat Mason for Hall of Fame.
I don’t know a lot about Quack Enjoyable! They have a funny name, and they’re a duck, and sometimes they’re a humanoid duck? Quack joined the Sunbeams in a Peanut Shell but got pecked out after just 20 days with the team, which seemed cool, but then they ducked off 21 days later for
I… also don’t know a lot about Siobhan Chark! Both players were pretty good, but never, like, amazing. Siobhan would go on to get Flickering Socks and flicker away for an Elsewhere Comfort Septemberish, so it’s kinda funny that these two players are both here and are both part of the Sunbeams Season 18-20 terrible cursed Lineup slot roulette, but I don’t have much else to say about them. Vote for Quack and Siobhan if you like water-based creatures that hop back and forth between the Jazz Hands and Sunbeams and Spies and stuff.
Castillo Turner is an absolute legend of the game, having had a great batting career and one of the best pitching careers ever.
Turner had a WhAT_PA of 8.0 in Season 22 and 4.9 in Season 13 and that’s just their batting.
In terms of their pitching, Castillo Turner boasts the best WhAT_IP of ANY Non-Underhanded Pitcher with an achievement of 12.8 WhAT_IP during Season 19. Over their pitching career they’d accrue 65.5 total WhAT, placing them at #20 despite only pitching nine seasons and a WhAT_IP of 7.95, placing them at #3 Overall.
Stats not your thing? That’s okay. Castillo Turner partied 14 times in their career, they peaked at 10.1 Pitching Stars (including Items), and at times had the most stars total of any player.
If that’s still not enough Turner stole The Fifth Base during Season 24 and either turned into a psychopomp or simply didn’t care about death and chose to follow in Parker MacMillan’s steps.
Castillo roamed onto the Fridays on Day 9 became Unstable with them, and then died on Day 12 with the rest of the team. Not satisfied with dying once Turner would roam onto a Team as they became Unstable three more times.
In their last and greatest defiance of death Castillo Turner roamed directly into the Black Hole (Black Hole) by moving onto the Nullified Dallas Cows on Day 99.
If you want to vote for one of the greatest players in Blaseball History, vote for Castillo Turner. If you want to vote for one of the most notable players in Blaseball History, vote for Castillo Turner.
What I’m trying to say here is, you should vote for Castillo Turner.
Kathy Matthews was an OG Jazz Hand who, after being Alternated in the Season 3 Election, became a prototypical middling Jands batter. They hit singles, stole bases, and delighted us all throughout Discipline.
Expansion… did not go as well for them. Early on, they Reverbed into our Rotation, where they were absolutely terrible. It took a few seasons to get them back into the Lineup, and by the time we did, their hitting stats had really fallen behind the rest of the League. We spent the rest of Expansion hoping they’d party or improve somehow, and that just never happened.
Then, in Season 22, they left the team in the most spectacular, Jazz Hands-y way possible.
Kathy first Roamed to Boston, then to Seattle, where they were Voicemailed into the Shadows. Their departure opened the floodgates, and 4 more Jazz Hands OGs would go on to leave the team in Season 23, though none as dramatically as Kathy.
–deafhobbit, with help from Jazz Hands reps Bunni and KC
Wanda Schenn, if nothing else, has certainly had an interesting career.
Starting on Ohio worms as a pitcher, they only spent one active season there, ending up on the Firefighters due to a convoluted three way trade that involved the likes of Peanut Holloway and NaN. Schenn would proceed to spend the next six seasons as a frustratingly mediocre batter despite their four stars, leaving us well acquainted with double plays.
They would become the Firefighters’ second Undertaker in Season 19, leading to them spending increasing amounts of time Elsewhere in the coming seasons, and would Reverb back to Pitching in the team’s second full team reverb. Wanda would then have two and a half incredible seasons as an underhanded pitcher, the last of which was fully undefeated, before being sent to the LA Unlimited Tacos in the Season 22 Elections to return to their career as a batter, and a Subtractor no less.
Is Wanda Hall of Fame worthy? Probably not. They simply spent too long as a noticeably mediocre batter, in a way that doesn’t weigh out their peaks. But they had some glorious moments, and are arguably the only underhanded pitcher to come anywhere close to Michelle Sportsman, as the only player to put a negative ERA playing more than 15 games. And an undefeated season certainly isn’t nothing, even if they missed a few games due to Undertaker duties. So if you’re looking for a genuinely good player who’s had some high peaks among the valleys, Wanda could be your bet.
Rafael Davids is an original Mexico City Wild Wing who spent 21 seasons in the rotation. Raf is the second best pitcher in Wings history, which sounds like a backhanded compliment until you remember that the best pitcher in Wings history is Burke Gonzales, who also holds a claim to being the best pitcher in Blaseball history, so second is not that bad. After all, how many second-best pitchers in team history are 15th all-time in WhAT, 30th all-time in WhAT_IP, have the 31st all-time ERA+, and 18th all time FIP+ (all minimum 1000 PA), all done without the benefit of Underhanded?
Raf was a remarkably consistently good pitcher; of their 19 seasons with over 1000 PA, they had a below average ERA exactly once (Season 4), and if you account for the shambolic demonstration of “fielding” the Wings often produced, that Season 4 result drifts back above average. Raf was so good that they were sent to the Shadows in a swap for Axel Cardenas when the Wings wanted to tank, and the Wings immediately fell apart.
There is, however, another impact Rafael Davids had upon the league. One which haunts the Mexico City Wild Wings, and indeed all of Blaseball, to this very day:
Rafael Davids, pitching legend. Rafael Davids, creator of Spicy Milk.
Rafael Davids, hall of famer.