-Panda (@PandaSunbeams)

On Day 78 of Season 18, the greatest pitching performance in Blaseball History occurred. In a game that saw recently unshelled Nerd Pacheco facing off against monster pitcher Castillo Turner, Nerd Pacheco put together a game that almost defies description, and I’m here to take you through it, inning by inning.

In the bottom of the first inning, Nerd faced the likely best three batters on the Mills that season; Thomas Dracaena, Sandie Turner, and Hatfield Suzuki. Nine pitches later, the Pies were up to bat. Nerd pitched 9 straight strikes, none of which were even swung at. The second inning followed much of the same pattern. Anathema Elemefayo went down to 3 taken strikes, as did Andrew Solis. Nandy Fantastic was the first Mills batter to swing, whiffing on two pitches, but still going down in 3. The third inning contained one of the only actual events of the game, as after Chorby Soul IV took 3 strikes, Schneider Bendie hit a ground out at 0-2. Mullen Peterson quickly struck out to 3 strikes afterward.

Through 3 innings, Nerd Pacheco had pitched 27 strikes for 8 strikeouts, only 3 of which were swung at, and only once made contact with.

In the 4th inning, Dracaena took a swing on 0-2 and missed, as did Suzuki, but Nerd caught Sandie with 3 straight strikes as well. Nine more pitches, 3 more strikeouts, no contact. In the 5th, only Fantastic attempted a swing, on 0-1, and again, 9 pitches and 9 strikes later, the side was out. In the 6th, in an almost exact repeat of the 5th, there were 7 taken strikes before Peterson whiffed on their own 0-1. Having seen the entire Mills lineup twice, Pacheco had thrown 54 strikes for 17 strikeouts and a single ground out.

The bottom of the 7th inning contains the only true blemish on this performance, as after Dracaena strikes out, Sandie Turner hits a single on an 0-1 count. Nothing materializes because of this, however, as Suzuki and Elemefayo both strike out on 3 straight pitches. The 8th and 9th proceed apace, with the only remaining event coming on an 0-1 pitch to Mullen Peterson, where Peterson hits the only Foul Ball of the game by their team.

Nerd finishes with a statline of 83 pitches, 81 strikes, 26 strikeouts, 1 ground out, and 1 hit.

It’s true that there have been perfect games, and there have been no hitters, but it can’t be stressed how close this game was to an immaculate game. Nerd pitched 7 out of 9 immaculate innings (3 strikeouts on 9 pitches). Nerd never threw a single ball. In fact, the Mills only even attempted to swing 12 times TOTAL, and made contact 3 times, only once successfully. If not for Huber Frumple fielding the Bendie grounder, no Pies player would have even had a chance to contribute on defense.

The Pies would go on to win the game 1-0 off of a Ruslan Greatness home run in the 4th inning.

Now, it’s no secret that the Season 18 Mills were suffering through a few transition points. The team finished the season with a cumulative .197 Batting Average, but even in these times, they still had solid stats from fan favorites Dracaena, Turner, and Suzuki. Nerd faced them all, making it seem, at times, that the entire lineup was Chorby and Elemefayo.

And this, dear readers, is quite possibly, the greatest individual performance in a single game of Blaseball of all time.

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