Hosted by SIBR, written by BNN Staff et al.

Baby Triumphant

There are a lot of things I could say about Baby Triumphant and why you should put them in the Hall. I could talk about how they are and have always been one of the Chicago Firefighters’ best batters, and how they were one of our first betters to get over 5 stars. I could talk about how they are third in the league for career RBIs (only behind Hahn Fox and Baby Doyle, both of whom were on shortened lineups for many seasons), and that they did that despite being on an extended lineup for 11 of the 24 seasons they played and never surpassing 16 stars total. I could talk about how they once hit a grand slam that included themselves (due to being one of four players with the permanent reverberating modification) against Knight Triumphant.

I’m not going to do any of that. Instead, I’m just going to list players already in the Hall of Fame that Baby is better than by these metrics:

By OPS+: Nagomi Nava, Thomas Dracaena, Don Mitchell, Paula Turnip, Forrest Best, Hahn Fox, Rodriguez Internet, Collins Melon, Tot Fox, Boyfriend Monreal

By WRC+: Forrest Best, Hahn Fox, Rodriguez Internet, Collins Melon, Tot Fox, Don Mitchell, Boyfriend Monreal, Paula Turnip

By Career WhAT: Goodwin Morin, Forrest Best, Hahn Fox, Rodriguez Internet, Tot Fox, Francisca Sasquatch, Jacob Haynes, Boyfriend Monreal

Vote for Baby.

-Stara (@ChiBaseball)

Dominic Marijuana

Surely Dominic’s home run that delivered the final blow against Discipline Era antagonist the Shelled One is enough to give them a Hall of Fame induction. If not, the 6.7 star batter seems pretty unassuming at a glance.

The surprising thing about Dominic Marijuana is despite the Front Office’s interpretation of the star rating, Dominic was a very solid home run hitter for the Millennials franchise. Leading the front of the lineup for much of their 6 and a half Season career, Dom managed to hit 108 Home Runs from Seasons 3-7 and accumulate an OPS of 0.85. Dom wasn’t the best baserunner or stealer, but with home run potential like he had, simply didn’t need to run along the base path to get his intended result. The Season 3-5 Postseasons for the Millennials displayed Dom with a 0.883 OPS in his playoff career, not too shabby.

Dominic Marijuana may not have been a long-term player of this splort but burned bright in the time we had him for. Do it for Dominic Marijuana, the only player to canonically land the final blow on a god in Blaseball.

-Clip Clipperson (@clip_ny)

Yummy Elliott

Franchise Changer.

Think of the Discipline Era Tacos. You know, the team which folks were comparing to the Cleveland Spiders. The team which at one point had less stars combined than Nagomi Mcdaniel. The team which required statisticians to produce two versions of their graphs because they skewed the axes in a negative direction. Right.

Now, Expansion Era. Back to back final appearances. Longest playoff appearance streak in the league. Won a championship. Tied the single season wins record. It is the complete opposite of the Tacos of the previous era.

What changed?

Yummy Elliott joined the team. No new player has changed the fortunes of a franchise more than Yummy Elliott.

-DeeJay (@BlaseballACo)

Bright Zimmerman

Bright “More Rings Than Saturn” Zimmerman isn’t so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player with >= 4 rings? Bright “More Rings Than Jessica Telephone” Zimmerman puts the game on another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the game again. Winnie Hess breaks records. Aldon Cashmoney breaks records. Bright “More Rings And Better Postseason ERA than Elvis Figueroa” Zimmerman breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *