Hosted by SIBR, written by BNN Staff

Elijah Valenzuela

I want to talk a bit about the tragedy of Elijah Valenzuela. Eli spent much of Expansion as the Jazz Hands’ about 1 star leadoff hitter. Eli wasn’t, strictly speaking, good, but they were far from the biggest problem on the team. Eli had a very optimal low star hitting stat line, and decent defense to boot. They were still below average, but in a Lineup full of below average hitters, they at least had potential to be great.

The Jands kept considering buffing Eli, but we always had bigger priorities. In Season 16 though, we decided to embrace Eli’s potential, and recommended Transfusing their hitting. That Transfuse fired, and briefly buffed their hitting to around 3.5 stars… which was immediately undone by a wimdy Alternate Trust. That was one of the few real terrible Will wimdies the Jands suffered in Expansion, and it left Eli a shadow of their former self. After a terrible Season 17, we moved them to the Shadows, where they have remained ever since.

I’m not asking you to vote for Eli, I just wanted you to know what happened to them, since I still can’t stop wondering how great they would have been with that Transfuse.


Rivers Clembons

Rivers Clembons started their career as a pitcher for the Dale. We don’t have full S1 and S2 stats, but according to our partial data, they were the best pitcher in the league in Season 1: They had a ridiculous 1.7 ERA and allowed the least runs. They were consistently top 10 until they were alternated into a middling pitcher in Season 5. But in Season 19, they started a late career renaissance as a top batter, consistently ranking top 15 in just about all rate stats.

Which players can say they have been both the best pitcher and one of the best batters in the league, 20 seasons apart? Only Rivers Clembons. Worse, no one noticed their peaks because they happened when Blaseball was starting and few knew what it was and when Blaseball was ending and there was simply too much happening.

If you have free spots on this ballot— and chances are you do— few players have had a more unique and exceptional career than Rivers Clembons while also remaining basically unknown.


Nerd Pacheco

Listen, Nerd Pacheco.

Stellar DE batter. One of the lynchpins of the Sunbeams Season 11 Dominance, behind Dudley Mueller (which is kind of unfair as Dudley had sipped like 8 times in S10)

How good was Nerd that season? does a .335 BA with a .398 OBP and 1.009 OPS do anything for ya?

And as a pitcher? Even accounting for the time they were doubling up Doc Anice and Ruslan Greatness, Doubling up for Elvis meant that they were truly the MVP (Most Valuable Peanut), in terms of WhAT. And when they came OUT of the shell? Hoo boy, that game I wrote about? Did you READ that thing? 85 pitches for 26 strikeouts? INSANE.

And Nerd was involved in one of the most tragic events of the splort, losing all their stars to the worst peanutting of all time. Say what you will— but it was impactful.

So really, what aren’t you getting with Nerd? Great team player? Greatest single player performance in a game? One of the biggest moments? Best Shelled Player of All Time?

Vote Nerd Pacheco


Vessalius Sundae

Vessalius Sundae is the BEST EXPANSION TEAM BATTER. Let me repeat that: out of the 42 players who descended on the three new Breach teams and the Lift, Vessalius Sundae is arguably the best. Only Gerund Pantheocide (who is on the ballot and you should also vote for, btw), Engine Eberhardt and their teammate Scratch Deleuze compare.

Vess is an incredible slugger— by the numbers one of the best ever— hitting 40 homers in Season 16 and sporting a ridiculous 1.692 OPS in the playoffs. That’s just one data point: look at any advanced stat, you will find them alongside Fish Summer, Knight Triumphant, Nagomi Nava, Jacob Haynes, and above players such as Jessica Telephone and Beck Whitney.

For all these accolades, and for being one of very few Worms players that could get in, they are at risk of falling off. Please give them your vote.


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