The Mafia Minute - Week One - Blaseball News Network

TORONTO CONDOMINIUMS TORN DOWN

EVERY TEAM IS SUS…PECT!

MAFIA IS MAYHEM!

QUICK HITS FROM THE IMMATERIAL PLANE

A DISCLAIMER

By reading this article you confirm that you are not an Active Mafia Champion, you are in no way affiliated to an Active Mafia Champion, you are not reading this article on behalf of an Alive Mafia Champion or an associate of an Active Mafia Champion. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this article will not make its way into the hands of an Active Mafia Champion.

Revoke the Dead?

In a, let’s be honest with ourselves, predictable move, the Mafia Champions opened Day 1 of Season 200X by attempting to circumvent the rules in any way possible. The Canada Moist Talkers suggested the League abstain from voting, and the Dallas Steaks cooked up a plan to Revoke the Deceased Toronto Condominiums. A Message from Ownership confirmed the invalidity of any votes for Deceased Teams, quickly proving the plan to be all sizzle and no steak.

A Sole Read

In Weather, the recently installed Sun Block has been protecting our favourite Teams and Players from the harmful effects of Suns during the Night by Eclipsing any and all Suns and/or Celestial Objects. The Debted Teams have taken full Advantage of the situation to help Repay their Debts. The Charleston Shoe Thieves were Ready and Willing to protect other Teams using their Fire Protector Mod, which allows them to be Incinerated instead of an Unstable Team. However the Shoe Thieves let the fact they had a Mod slip, and were promptly struck down by the Debted Teams.

Beams.txt to Victory Speech

Rumours that the Hellmouth Sunbeams were “Sus” Reverberated through the Town Square on Day 2. Staring down their accusers, the Sunbeams Forged a new Message, bringing “message.txt” to the Masses. Despite a Ratings spike and the creation of Laughter, the League continued to Desert them, and the Hellmouth Sunbeams became the first Team to be Revoked. But the Sunbeams had the last Laugh when it was Revealed they were Early to the Party, a Mod that causes a Team to Win upon being Revoked. Their Victory proved why Fans should Never Estimate the Beams.

Swept Up

All That Glitter Weather wasn’t Gold when Day 3 began. The Mexico City Wild Wings had been Incinerated during the previous night, leaving behind a Leadership void, and Revealing the existence of Elsewhere; a Location where Elsewhere Teams can communicate privately during the Night. The Chicago Firefighters came forth to claim Membership, followed by the Tokyo Lift, and finally the New York Millennials. The League scrutinized the Mills’ past behavior, and even with an Undertow threatening to pull the Crabs Under, the Current was too strong and the New York Millennials were Revoked. Unfortunately for the Glood Teams of the League, the Mills turned up to their Revoking 15 Minutes late with a Glood Reveal.

Internet League #Mafia Continues in the Official Blaseball Discord. Check out the #town-square to watch Live!

Siesta! Go to Sleep!