It Only Tuesday

by iliana quorum

As Blaseball fans near Earlsiesta, with teams overperforming, underperforming, and being drastically affected by weather and other ungodly horrors that await the players, millions of Blaseball fans were disheartened to learn that it was, in fact, only Tuesday.

“Tuesday?” a member of the Society for Internet Blaseball Research, who interviewed with BNN under anonymity, said. “How in the hell is it still Tuesday?”

The arrival of Earlsiesta and its related confusing and unexplained new mechanic stunned fans across the league, still recovering from the nightmares of everything happening all at once in the first nine games of the season.

BNN spoke with IBLWA writers on the situation. “We still really don’t have any idea what’s going on,” said one. “At this point, we’re still not seeing a clear path forward through the season.”

“H*ck,” they added.

As if fans were not already working through the pain of the first couple dozen games of the season, two completely unrelated game mechanics have interacted in an unexpected way, causing significantly elevated panic and fear.

“I’m tired,” said staff working on the Blaseball Wiki. “So tired.”

Officials for various ILB teams suggested strong caution, alluding to the uncertainty that Tuesday would ever end, and to avoid voting in the Election until after the Internet Series completes at the end of the season, if that continues to arrive as planned.

Despite calls to the contrary, ILB is not stopping play. At press time, ILB Commissioner MacMillan could not be reached for immediate comment, but we all know what he would end up saying.

(With apologies to The Onion)

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