Author: Pastime Jones of Taco News Unlimited
In Season 11, the Tacos made it to the Division Series, playing against the Tigers. The strength of their lineup allowed them to rack up additional Wins in Sun 2 weather, increasing their ranking in their division perhaps more than their overall team stats would suggest.
They saw no such success in Season 12, finishing at the bottom of Wild Low (aside from Division newcomers the Ohio Worms, who arrived during the Latesiesta and didn’t play this season) with only 38 Non-Losses. That said, the Tacos did lead the entire ILB in extra Wins, with 41 total, 3 more than their Non-Losses.
(They’re followed by the Tigers, Jazz Hands and Garages, with 2 extra Wins; then the Wild Wings and Sunbeams, with 1 extra Win. The Firefighters, Fridays, Moist Talkers and Magic all finished with 1 fewer Win than their Non-Losses; the Steaks with 2 fewer Wins; and the Breath Mints with 4 fewer Wins. Everyone else broke even.)
With such a poor record this season, there weren’t a lot of standout performances, but there were still some notable Tacos Moments.
Halexandrey Walton’s Perk allowed her to Overperform a few times over the course of the season. She had an allergic reaction on Day 87, losing 4.2 stars. She regained 1 of them with a boost to her Baserunning thanks to Wind Sprints, the blessing the team received in the Election, although she’s lost a whole star of Batting, and her Baserunning is still lower than it was before she ate that peanut.
McDowell Mason had his blood drained twice, once by Richmond Harrison, lowering his Batting, and once by Isaac Johnson, lowering his Pitching.
Valentine Games had her Baserunning drained by Richmond Harrison, losing half a star, only to gain it back after the Election. She also Partied, and is now a 6-star batter. Games came in 3rd in Home Runs for the season with 39, just 3 fewer than the season leader Nagomi Mcdaniel. With a performance boost from her Partying and Wind Sprints blessing, she’s sure to continue to impress.
Basilio Mason also had some blood drained by Isaac Johnson, reducing his Batting.
Rat Mason visited Elsewhere during a flood on Day 97. He came back in the final game of the season, apparently fine, if a bit damp.
Sexton Wheerer chatted with his Bird friends from the pitcher’s mound a couple of times, although it didn’t do much good. Perhaps his Bird friends have found out about his pregame bird-eating. He was Infused in the election, receiving 4.7 stars, bringing his Pitching stars up to 4 from its previous 2.5.
Vito Kravitz continued his affair with ground outs.
Basilio Fig was around.
Then there’s the big one. On Day 56, Peanut Bong pitched a game against the Sunbeams in Peanuts weather. After the Wyatt Quitter shelling earlier in the season, everyone was watching this game closely, and sure enough, in the 10th inning, he tasted the infinite and shelled Nerd Pacheco (who was then traded to the Tigers for star batter Aldon Cashmoney in the Election).
Peanut Bong was then sent to the Shadows, gaining half a star in Batting. Yummy Elliott replaced him in the rotation. Elliott is as anticapitalistic as they come, and with 3 pitching stars, Tacos fans are excited to watch the team’s new pitcher next season.
With the Wind Sprints blessing granting the whole lineup additional baserunning ability and their new and infused pitchers, the LA Unlimited Tacos are in good shape for next season. Fans are looking forward to the beginning of renovations at Al Pastor Memorial Park and cheering on their speedier Tacos no matter what weather comes their way.