The 14 best players from Season 12 of Blaseball

Every season, there are fantastic players around the league. They are honored in various ways: the idol board, fan art, awards from SIBR and others, and more.

But never before has Firewall Andrews sat down to hand out awards to the very best blaseball players of a season based on only his own opinion of that season.

Until now.

These are Firewall’s picks for the top players of the regular season in Season 12, nine batters and five pitchers, listed roughly in order of importance. No one team will be represented twice.

Presenting, the All-BFF team!

Hitters

Aldon Cashmoney, Hades Tigers

Cashmoney would get my vote for MVP if I voted in any MVP votes. The Hades superstar had the best OPS in the league (by a decent margin), scored the most runs, and had the first 40/60 (40 homers, 60 stolen bases) season in the history of the league. There was no better hitter in blaseball in Season 12.

Dudley Mueller, Hellmouth Sunbeams

On the otherside of the Tigerbeams rematch for the Wild Championship, Mueller has proven to be far more than a one-hit wonder, returning after the siesta and repeating as batting champion and finishing with the only OBP over .400 in the league. Add in a league-high 120 RBIs and this is another easy choice for the team of the year.

Nagomi Mcdaniel, Hawai’i Fridays

Imagine if she didn’t have flinch? Mcdaniel hit 42 home runs and stole 41 bases for the Fridays, joining Cashmoney and Conner Haley as the only players with recorded 40/40 seasons in ILB history. The former Crab will be a key reason her new team stays ahead of her old team in the Mild Low for as long as she stays on Island Time.

Jaxon Buckley, Philadelphia Pies

We talk a lot here about what we love in pitchers (yes strikeouts, no walks), and to be honest, as much as we love home runs … we love a hitter who is the inverse of the kind of pitcher we like. Yes walks and hits, no strikeouts. Buckley is among the best at that, finishing with the most doubles in Blaseball and among the top 10 in average, hits, OBP, RBIs and total bases. They were a big part of the reason why the Pies outperformed their super duper wrong power ranking from those silly BNN “experts.”

Valentine Games, LA Unlimited Tacos

One of our all-time favorites, Valentine set a career-high with 36 doubles in Season 12 while driving in at least 100 runs for the second straight campaign. They were on the leaderboard for total bases, triples, OPS, batting average, and almost every other good offensive stat. Oh, and they partied in PARTYTIME. The Tacos are going to remain a dangerous team to face for as long as Games is in that lineup.

Rai Spliff, Dallas Steaks

It can be hard to produce MVP numbers on a team that’s struggling, and that’s why Spliff isn’t higher on this list. But what they were able to do on one of the worst teams in the league is still remarkable. Spliff set career highs in doubles, homers, RBIs, average, OBP, slugging and OPS and was among the league leaders in all four of the average stats (BA/OBP/SLG/OPS) despite playing for one of the weaker teams in ILB. If the Steaks can find their bats again, Spliff will be an MVP candidate sooner rather than later with the counting stats they’ll add to an incredible approach at the plate.

Jessica Telephone, Kansas City Breath Mints

Telephone’s numbers are held back a bit by being at the tail end of a very long lineup, but she still posted some amazing numbers for the Mints in Season 12. She cracked both the average and slugging percentage leaderboards, bringing her signature home-run power to Kansas City in her second straight 30-homer campaign. She also stole a career-high 13 bases, an interesting new facet of the game of one of the all-time best hitters in the splort.

Bonk Jokes, Yellowstone Magic

Jokes had a breakout season and is absolutely a name Blaseball fans need to know for the seasons ahead. One of the Magic’s newer players, Bonk doubled their home run output from Season 11 and hit 26 long balls while walking an impressive 39 times in 414 trips to the plate. That helped fuel a .360 OBP, among the best in ILB, while leading their team in virtually every key offensive category. Like Spliff above, with a better supporting cast, Jokes has the skills to be an MVP candidate in the near future.

Jacob Haynes, Boston Flowers

Easily the most underrated player in ILB history, he’s “just a guy” who finishes all over the ILB leaderboard every single season. Haynes wound up fourth in average and OPS, fifth in slugging percentage and sixth in OBP in Season 12, and has now hit over .300 with at least 13 home runs for 10 consecutive campaigns.

Pitchers

Burke Gonzales, Mexico City Wild Wings

Burke just completed the best statistical season in recorded ILB history for a pitcher. His 1.12 ERA in 20 games is unbelievable, his 305 strikeouts with NO WALKS is amazing, and his hits and home runs allowed per nine innings were both second best in the league. No matter what metric you use, Burke was the best or among the best, and he was easily the best all-around player in the ILB this season. Hats off, Burke! You’ve made history.

Wyatt Pothos, Breckenridge Jazz Hands

You can basically just copy the paragraph above for Pothos, who only slips because of a slightly smaller sample size. Pitching in just 16 games, Pothos led the league in strikeouts per game, hits per game and home runs per game while still picking up six shutouts and not issuing a single walk. It’s hardly their fault they didn’t get to pitch the four extra games Burke did, so hats off to you as well, Wyatt, but the tiebreaker goes to the pitcher who had to pitch a couple of extra games in the regular season. But these are the two best single-season pitching performances I’ve ever seen and should be applauded by fans across the league.

Theodore Cervantes, New York Millennials

I did predict that the Mills would make the playoffs led by four pitchers with ERAs under 3.50, and it was Cervantes who led the way with a 2.10 ERA that was fifth-best in Blaseball. Elite hit and home run suppression combined with almost 13 strikeouts per game and the fourth-best rate of throwing strikes in the league combined to give the New York ace their best season yet.

Qais Dogwalker, Miami Dale

The Dale were thriving at times this season, and Dogwalker had a lot to do with that. The Miami ace has been on the rise for a while and had their best season ever in Season 12, striking out a career-high 11.3 per nine innings while issuing only one walk. They finished top 10 in ERA, strikeouts, walks and wins en route to another dominant season. The Dale are on the rise and Qais is a big reason why.

Gunther O’Brian, Charleston Shoe Thieves

Gunther finished with six shutouts for the second time in his career while striking out a career-best 11.3 per nine innings, issuing only five walks (and we have to imagine some of those were charmed walks from the Lovers). He returned to his championship season form with an ERA of 2.49, second-best to only his Season 9 2.36 in his career, and was among the best in blaseball at preventing home runs, finishing third behind Pothos and Gonzales in homers per game allowed. Gunther is a big part of the reason why the Wild Card Thieves are making a deep playoff run.