THE FULL SEASON 7 RECAP.
SEASON 7 is finished.
Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with another hot end of Season recap to go over… well, the entire Season! This Season has been full of incredible twists and turns and ended up with a first time Champion. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!
ACTIONS BRING CONSEQUENCES.
BLASEBALL RESURRECTION CAUSES PROBLEMS.
As we all know, the great achievement of the Blaseball fandom in Season 6 was resurrecting the first player ever Incinerated, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, through a little bit of Idolization and voting. If you don’t know about that, you can read about it in our Season 6 Recap.
As soon as Jaylen pitched their first game of Season 7, freshly returned from The Trench, it became apparent that all was not quite right. Jaylen immediately started beaning people with Blaseballs, making them Unstable.
As we unfortunately found out before too long, while Unstable a player is at greatly higher odds of being Incinerated, helping Jaylen repay the Debt they are currently carrying.
Oh yeah, the instability chains between Players after a player is Incinerated as well.
When all was said and done by the end of the Season, 12 players had been Incinerated. 12 debts collected. However, according to the Blaseball Gods, a debt is still outstanding. How many must die for the mistake of resurrecting Jaylen to be made right?
Luckily, the carnage was nowhere near the levels of Incinerations of Season 2 and 3, but these deaths seemed to effect the fans the most that they ever have.
SEASON 7, DAYS 32 & 33
THE DAYS THAT CHANGED THE SPLORT FOREVER.
During Day 32 of Season 7 of Blaseball, fans and players alike once again learned that there are consequences for their actions. Why else would The Commissioner continually question if we were sure we wanted to resurrect Jaylen?
Jaylen’s way to repay her debt was discovered. Instabilities true nature was revealed.
🩸 RIV MOODY COOKBOOK OF THE HADES TIGERS. 🩸
🩸 RIV ELIJAH BATES OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS.🩸
🩸 RIV MCLAUGHLIN SCORPLER OF THE HADES TIGERS. 🩸
Of course, as Blaseball always goes, these death’s sorrow were only heightened by the fact that Scorpler was gifted a Fire-Proof Jacket by the Election of Season 5, but decided the Noise-Proof Headphones he was also gifted were cooler instead.
Day 33 came, and the Blaseball player and fan community was already reeling from the unprecedented death and Incineration from the previous Day. However, the Rogue Umpires were not done with targeting Unstable players.
Debts remained to be paid.
🩸 RIV KIKI FAMILIA OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS 🩸
🩸 RIV ANTONIO WALLACE OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS 🩸
Two more players fell, including Kiki Familia, the fresh replacement for Elijah Bates who was just in the 5th Inning of their career.
5 players in one day. consequences from actions.
THE REST OF THE REGULAR SEASON.
WHAT HAPPENED? HM.
To be honest, beyond the addition of Hotdogfingers dingers, the Regular Season of Season 7 was delightfully boring. Everything went exactly as it should. The Baltimore Crabs crushed the competition. There was barely any peanuts, Blooddrains, Feedback Frenzies, or Reverbs to be heard or seen. Jessica Telephone was picked free from her Shelled form but is now Superallergic to peanuts. The Kansas City Breath Mints somehow had the best record in the Mild League (through losing one of their best players, Boyfriend Montreal) while being one of the worst teams in it on paper. Enhanced Party Time did exactly as people hoped, giving many of the worst teams in the League some significant boosts to their playing ability.
That’s all. Just how we drew it up.
THE SNACKRIFICE SUCCEEDS.
AN EVENTFUL END TO THE REGULAR SEASON.
Since the addition of the Idol Leaderboard to Blaseball, the end of the Regular Season is quickly becoming one of the most exciting times to be a fan of the Splort. In the most ambitious community effort we’ve seen yet, fans from around the League coordinated their Idolization such that all three members of the Legume family (Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Holloway, & Peanut Bong) and all five of the Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff above the Ominous Red Line, which had room for 10. The results?
All five members of the Unlimited Tacos pitching, alongside Patterson of the Canada Moist Talkers, and Axel Trololol of the Baltimore Crabs, are now Shelled and unable to play the Splort. Meanwhile, the Big Peanut seemed appeased by the appearance of its three children above the line.
All three nuts now are “Honey Roasted,” whatever that means. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.
A NEW VISITOR.
Shortly after the Peanut God appeared on our screens, it was interrupted (or eaten, we’re not sure) by the appearance of… well… this thing.
It claimed to have followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from The Hall. & The Trench. We assume they’re both the same place. It has come to simply watch Blaseball and observe what Hotdogfingers is doing. We’re sure that this is perfectly fine. Everything is fine.
Hopefully we find out more about what The Watcher wants from us pitiful fans and our beloved Blaseball Players soon.
A SPICY POSTSEASON.
ON THEIR FIRST TRIP TO THE PLAYOFFS, THE FRESHLY-REWILDED WINGS WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
While largely free from Weather (sparing a Feedback event that swapped the Mexico City Mild Wings back to their true Wild form), this Postseason was one of the most exciting we’ve seen in the History of the Splort!
With many fans anticipating the Baltimore Crabs to sweep through the other teams, all the way to another easy Finals win, we were all in for a surprise.
In some of the best Series that Blaseball has ever seen, the Wild Wings defeated the Kansas City Breath Mints (both surprise Postseason inclusions to begin with). Then, while the San Fransisco Lovers narrowly defeated the Wild League favorites (the Crabs), the Wings handily defeated the Season 6 Mild League Champs, the Seattle Garages. Well, and then…
That’s right. The Mexico City Wild Wings are your Season 7 ILB Champions.
We can’t say it any better than the Wings already did themselves.
It wasn’t an easy journey for the Wild Wings. They didn’t sweep any team. They lost a member of their Season 1 roster for the very first time with the Incineration of Miguel Wheeler, a colony of Rats inside of a tire that somehow played the Splort.
But now, they stand as Champions. The little team that could.
THAT’S ALL FOLKS.
THAT’S THE END OF THE RECAP. THAT’S IT.
There are certainly other things that happened in Season 7 that I could talk about but those are the major beats. It was an enjoyable time to be sure.
If you’re wanting more content about Blaseball Season 7, check out these options:
- SEASON 7, DAYS 32 & 33
- RIV WORKMAN GLOOM.
- THE ILB SEASON 7 AWARDS.
- THE SEASON 7 ELECTION RUNDOWN, ON THE TAKE ME OUT TO THE BLALL GAME PODCAST.
Here’s to an amazing Season 7 election and an incredible Season 8!
