Hlorrible Hlistories: The Tacos Scored 35 Runs and Lost

– May

Welcome to Hlorrible Hlistories. This is a series about less-known weird moments in Blaseball, statistical outliers that didn’t get noticed by the community at large. This episode is about the time the Tacos set a record for runs scored in a single game, then lost.

It’s Season 11, Day 32, and the Miami Dale are hosting the Unlimited Tacos. The pitcher for the Dale is Wyatt Owens, who’s been serviceable in their career, but entered a slump this season. On this day, they are about to make history, in a bad but morbidly funny way.

The game is reasonably likely to be a slugfest, as the Walk in the Park-powered Wild Low has all 5 best teams of the season by runs scored, and the Tacos in particular have the best OPS and most home runs scored in history of Blaseball, but the first three innings are scoreless. Peanut Bong, Wyatt’s opponent, retires the first 9 Dale batters. Owens allows 3 walks, but manages to get out of the situation.

In the fourth inning, the dam finally bursts. Wyatt loads the bases with 3 straight walks, then surrenders a grand slam to Mcdowell Mason, and another home run to Valentine Games two pitches later. Basilio Mason hits a triple and then scores via sacrifice, Halexandrey Walton bats in Vito Kravitz, and then Mcdowell comes back to deliver yet another home run. After the inning, the score is 9-0 Tacos. 

However, due to Sun 2, this is anything but a guaranteed non-loss. The Dale load the bases in the bottom of the inning, then Cannonball Sports clears them with a double. In the top of the 6th, Wyatt Owens allows more runners on base then surrenders a 3-run home run to Rat Mason, Sun 2 triggers, and the Tacos are now losing 2-3. It’s about to get more ridiculous.

Top of the 7th. Mcdowell Mason hits a go-ahead triple, then gets caught stealing home. Rat Mason hits another home run to make the score 5-3. Top of the 8th. Wyatt allows 5 hits and 4 RBI in 8 pitches. Basilio Fig scores a single to cause another 10 runs to be taken off the board. After the bases are loaded again, Mcdowell sacs in Fig for their 10th RBI of the game. The score is once again 2-3. Top of the 9th. Rat Mason hits a third homer to tie the game. Wyatt gets two outs, but walks two more Tacos players, and Mcdowell Mason is in the batter’s box. They strike out on 3 pitches. The Tacos have scored 23 runs and are going into extra innings.

At that point, this game could very well go down in history. The record for runs in a single 9-inning game is 24, which Jaylen Hotdogfingers, while under a mod that makes them allow home runs on purpose, could only tie 30 days earlier. If the Tacos score 2 more runs and hold off the Dale’s offense, they could go home with a record and a non-loss.

They don’t.

They do score the 25th run in the tenth inning, but Beck Whitney hits a two-run homer to tie it up, and after two singles the Dale nearly walk it off. In the eleventh inning, Owens walks in a run with two outs, but immediately after Basilio Mason gets caught stealing home. The Dale respond with a Randy Dennis two-out double (one of only 8 doubles for them this season) to bat in Caleb Novak. Then comes the twelfth inning.

After two walks on six straight balls and two hits, the score is 9-6. Wyatt gets an out, then walks Basilio Mason, and Vito Kravitz is in at the plate with Rat Mason at second. They hit a single, and Rat, this season’s worst player by UBR, advances from second to home to trigger the third Sun 2. But the Tacos still have a hope for a non-loss – Owens loads the bases, then surrenders a base-clearing triple and an RBI single to make the score 6-5 Dale. Basilio Mason then walks to the plate and immediately flies out. Basilio Fig walks up and hits a groundball to Don Elliott for the third out. Dale non-lose 6-5.

Wyatt Owens’ final statline: 12 IP, 35 R, 27 H, 6 SO, 22 BB, W.

As of this article’s making, this is still the highest number of runs ever allowed in a single game, without shenanigans caused by Sum Sun, Equal Sun, or Sun 0.1. And of all weathers, this game was played in Sun 2, the only weather where it’s possible to score a record number of runs and lose.

But there’s a silver lining for the Tacos – the three wins turned out to be important for them. Despite having only 45 non-losses, the Tacos had a league best 15 extra wins from the weather, which allowed them to reach the playoffs by one win. Had they not obtained any of those 3 wins, they would have tied with the Spies and Firefighters, and lost due to poor Divine Favor. So these wins really had a hlistorical impact.