Sittin’ Pretty: Hall of Fame Week 19

Hosted by SIBR, written by BNN staff

Lars Taylor

According to all known laws of blaseball, there is no way a Lars Taylor should be able to pitch. Their stars are too few to get the ball all the way to the batter.
The Lars, of course, pitches anyway, because Lars doesn’t care what the meta thinks is impossible.
Sun, stars. Sun, stars.
Sun, stars. Sun, stars.
Ooh, stars and Sun!
Let’s shake it up a little.
Lars! The Hall is ready!

Panda

Workman Gloom

Workman Gloom died in Season 7. They were incinerated after being made unstable by one of Jaylen’s beanballs, just as they stepped up to bat. Gloom’s life ended then, but their plate appearance didn’t: they hit a home run in the next few pitches. Hard to think of a more spectacular ending to the career of ONE OF THE GREATEST BLASEBALL BATTERS OF ALL TIME.

I’ll say it again, in all caps: WORKMAN GLOOM IS ONE OF THE GREATEST BATTERS OF ALL TIME.

I’m erring on the side of caution and assuming the audience simply isn’t familiar with them: they died in Season 7, after all, and only had an appearance in the Hall Stars’ exhibition game after that. Besides, if you know Gloom, chances are you’re voting for them.

Workman Gloom is, seventeen seasons after their death, still 1st in career BA, 3rd in career OPS, 9th in career slugging. They also fare well by advanced statistics: 6th in wRC+, 3rd in OPS+. By whatever metric you choose, Workman was an incredibly good batter cut down in their prime: if they hadn’t died, we’d likely be talking of them the same way we talk of Nagomi McDaniels, Jessica Telephone, York Silk, Conner Haley, Aldon Cashmoney.

Workman is one of the greatest what-ifs in Blaseball, one of the finest hitters the splort has ever seen, their death a fantastic example of how Blaseball is able to create utterly iconic moments. Few batters are more deserving of the Hall Of Fame than them.

-Dargo

Chorby Short

Chorby Short is one of very few players who can claim to be the protagonist of Blaseball’s Expansion Era. What hasn’t Chorby Short done? They stalled the game with a ridiculous number of foul balls at the very start of Expansion, were one of the first to become Redacted, suffered the brunt of Wills chaos by becoming unstable through a mysterious edge case at the end of an improbable exchange, pitched a perfect game while their opponent allowed zero runs in nine innings as a celebration of early Expansion’s pitching heavy environment, and were then repeatedly bounced across the league according the whims of fans and fate.

Across all that, they were a top batter at the start of the Expansion Era and a top pitcher by the end of it — they absolutely have a statistical case. They, alongside their namesake Chorby Soul and Parker, were the Jaylen of the Expansion Era, a lightning rod for the era’s marquee mechanics.

In the Discipline Era, Chorby was a rather contentious and pretty mediocre, if not outright bad, Garages shadow later traded to the Magic in their first real Blessings win. In the Expansion Era, their story became one of wildest and most intriguing in all of Blaseball. There’s something for everyone, here: outstanding statistical feats, an extremely Blaseball storyline and lore, plenty of iconic moments. How can you not vote for Chorby Short?

-Dargo

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