In the Latesiesta of Season 14, a familiar face to Blaseball made their presence known in a major way. Every team in the ILB had the option to get a Renovation for their home stadium called “PsychoAcoustics.” This Renovation gave their home stadium a modification: “In Feedback or Reverb, PsychoAcoustics will occasionally Echo one of the Away Team’s mods to the Home Team, for game-long use.”
Fourteen teams would end up building PsychoAcoustics, and 13 of those teams would end up getting something on top of PsychoAcoustics—their very own Wyatt Mason.
Wyatt Mason, largely believed to be “The Microphone,” had a version of themselves go to every team that built PsychoAcoustics (minus the Baltimore Crabs for reasons out of Blaseball’s control). The Microphone then went offline following this.
Every Wyatt Mason who joined a team had the modification of “Echo.” This modification gives a player the chance of copying a modification that a player on the opposing team has for that game. Blaseball Fans soon realized that when a player Echoed away an opposing player’s Echo modification, this caused static and both players were removed from their respectful rosters. We still do not know where these players have gone.
What does this mean for Blaseball? We here at BNN have no clue. But what we do know is that these Wyatt Masons are not created equally. So we are going to do what we do best: rank things. I welcome you all to the Wyatt Rankening.
UNKNOWN: Wyatt Mason XI – Core Mechanics
Before we can talk about the rankings proper, there is one anomaly among the anomalies— Wyatt Mason XI of the Core Mechanics. The reason why Wyatt Mason XI is the oddball of this group is that Wyatt Mason XI never played a single game. Never pitched a ball. Never fielded a groundout. Never swung a bat. Nothing.
They were echoed into static on Day 77 alongside Wyatt Mason IX of the New York Millennials, the first of the Wyatts Mason to meet this fate. Wyatt Mason IX had a stat line that could be measured upon, something Wyatt Mason XI simply does not have, and I will get to that later on in this article.
To my knowledge this is the only instance ever in which a player has been created, put on a team as an active player, and then ceased to exist without ever performing an action in Blaseball. And therefore, Wyatt Mason XI can not be ranked.
12th: Wyatt Mason XII – Charleston Shoe Thieves
And at number twelve, we have quite easily the worst player of all the Wyatt Masons. A mere six stars to their name and a sad, sad state, Wyatt Mason XII of the Charleston Shoe Thieves is a horrendous player.
The Shoe Thieves should thank their lucky stars that they only played a mere nine Innings of Blaseball. But let’s just say that those Innings were some of the most… shameful… in Blaseball history.
I’ll set the stage: Day 78, the Charleston Shoe Thieves are in game three of three in their series against the eventual Mild League Champions, the Canada Moist Talkers. Going into this game, the Shoe Thieves were 5-6 against the Moist Talkers, surprisingly good for the Shoe Thieves, seeing as them and the Moist Talkers would end the season on polar opposite ends of the Mild League Standings, Moist Talkers in first, and Shoe Thieves last.
Going into the 6th Inning, it was looking like with the leadership of Wyatt Mason XII on the mound, the Shoe Thieves were cruising to a victory, up at this point 6-1.
And then… Wyatt broke down.
14 runs in four innings. The Canada Moist Talkers scored more runs on Wyatt Mason XII in the final four Innings, than the Shoe Thieves got Outs on the Moist Talkers in those innings. And I’m sure as you all noticed, I specifically noted that this performance by Mason was shameful and I use that term because of the EIGHT RUNS GIVEN UP IN THE SHAME PERIOD.
This game was very winnable for the Shoe Thieves even after Innings 7 and 8. They were tied going into the bottom of the ninth. But Wyatt Mason XII did not only lose the game for the Shoe Thieves, they also brought Shame to every single Shoe Thieves fan for just thinking for even a moment that they could win this game.
The Charleston Shoe Thieves would have one more series against the Canada Moist Talkers this Season from games 97-99. They would lose all three and would only score 5 runs total in those games, less runs that Mason gave up in that ninth inning. I like to think it was all their fault.
To the joy and relief of every Shoe Thieves, Wyatt Mason XII would never make another appearance in a game, Echoing into static alongside Wyatt Mason XIII of the Kansas City Breath Mints on Day 84 after just throwing one pitch in that game. To the surprise of no one, the pitch was a ball quite outside the strike zone.
11th: Wyatt Mason III – Atlantis Georgias
We go from the worst pitcher overall of the Wyatt Masons to the worst batter. When looking at their stat sheet, Wyatt Mason III of the Atlantis Georgias does not look like a half-bad Blaseball player, especially as a batter. But the stats tell a much different story.
In the 13 games Wyatt Mason III played, they got a mere four Hits and two walks on forty plate appearances, good enough for only a .150 OBP (On Base Percentage), the worst among all Wyatt Masons. Of those times they hit the ball as well, they only ever helped the team run-wise once with a lone One RBI (Runs Batted In)— a Home Run that got themselves in.
For a team that desperately needed an offensive spark, Wyatt Mason III truly turned out to be a major disappointment for them. A three-and-a-half star batter could have made a difference for them. It is a shame that an on paper good batter like Mason III in 40 plate appearances, could only get on base six times for the Georgias. But because of their disappointing season, they must be ranked at 11th.
Wyatt Mason III would end up Echoing into Static alongside Wyatt Mason VIII of the Ohio Worms, ending… their existence in the Immaterial Plane (we here at BNN are still unsure about what echoing has done to the Wyatts Mason and Wyatt Quitter)? But with the absence of Mason III came a boon for the Georgias. After that game, they would have a 7-6 finish to the season, earning just about 23% of their Wins total post-Mason.
10th: Wyatt Mason II – Breckenridge Jazz Hands
From one bad batter to another, Wyatt Mason II of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands earns the 10th spot in our Rankings. This is much due to an extremely small sample size that Wyatt Mason II is down here rubbing shoulders with Wyatt Mason III and Wyatt Mason XII.
I did not give the benefit of the “small sample size” questioning for Wyatt Mason III because they had forty plate appearances to prove themselves as a good batter. But they did not deliver. However, Wyatt Mason II had less than half of that amount of plate appearances with a mere 16 in total. They also are a bit better on paper than Mason III, with an extra half-star in Batting stats than them.
Sadly, like Mason III, the stars did not translate on the field for Wyatt Mason II. In their 16 plate appearances, they got on base only three times, with two Singles and a walk to their name. This left them with an OBP of merely .188.
However, if there is something positive that can be said about Wyatt Mason II, it’s that when they did hit, they got on base and got home. With both Singles and their walk happening with players on base and the walk and single bringing in runs, making their 2 RBI total.
But it simply was not to be for Wyatt Mason II, as they were among the second duo Echoed into Static. Their journey ended after only five games on Day 78 with Wyatt Mason V of the Miami Dale.
9th: Wyatt Mason V – Miami Dale
Speak of the devil, here’s Wyatt Mason V now! Up now, we get to the first of two oddball players that I have no clue how to rank so I basically put them near the middle. Both are pitchers who played one game, gave up six Runs in that game, and still won said game. They are winning contributors to their teams, but they were not great at it. Therefore at Number Nine in the Wyatt Rankening, we have Wyatt Mason V of the Miami Dale.
In Wyatt Mason V’s lone game, the Dale went up against the team they would eventually tie for the last place with in the Wild Low, the Ohio Worms. And frankly, the Dale are lucky the Worms didn’t get their hits in streaks like they did in this game. The Dale relied offensively on Jasmine Washington, who attributed to five of the Dale’s seven runs, getting two big Home Runs in the 2nd and 8th Innings. Pitcher Persephone Splotter had a disastrous third Inning. They only allowed one Hit in the Inning but allowed four walks, two of wich resulted in Runs.
Wyatt Mason V was not bad in specific moments or Innings like Splotter, but rather consistently pitching worse than Persephone, allowing 13 Hits total across nine Innings. However, it was just enough to get their team the Win, so I guess it all worked out in the end.
Mason V would not make another appearance in the ILB after this game, Echoing into Static just three days later on Day 78 with the aforementioned Wyatt Mason II of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.
8th: Wyatt Mason IX – New York Millennials
At Number 8 is someone very similar to Wyatt Mason V— and not just in the fact that they are both Wyatt Mason. Wyatt Mason IX of the New York Millennials gave up the same amount of runs as Wyatt Mason V did in their game, winning the game just like Wyatt Mason V did, against an expansion team like Wyatt Mason V.
However, what puts Mason IX above Mason V is the Hits given up and strikeouts thrown. One can argue that Wyatt Mason V faced a tougher team in the Ohio Worms, who ended with 5 more overall wins this season than the Core Mechanics in Season 14, but the fact remains that Wyatt Mason IX gave up 4 fewer Hits than Mason V, and threw 6 more strikeouts than Mason V. For that, Wyatt Mason IX earns their spot at Number 9.
There is one more distinction that must be made for Wyatt Mason IX. They did something no other Wyatt Mason was able to accomplish in Season 14 of Blaseball:
Wyatt Mason IX pitched while presumably dead.
I am not counting Jaylen Hotdogfingers here— Jaylen was necromanced. She may have been dead before, but when she pitched, she was alive. In Mason IX’s case, in the Bottom of the 3rd Inning, this occurred:
Wyatt Mason IX Echoed away into Static alongside Wyatt Mason XI. Yes, this was the first-ever instance of Static in Blaseball history, but we would go on to see it multiple more times in Season 14. What was out of the ordinary was that Wyatt Mason IX kept pitching after this occurrence. We do not know how they did it and we do not know where they went after the game. We do not even know how they were able to throw the ball. All we know is that, as per the Forbidden Book, the pitcher must throw the ball.
It was, in my opinion, the oddest moment of Season 14— and this was a season kicked off by Brisket Friendo and Tad Seeth going missing. There is a full-blown investigation into those now… but I think this needs more investigation.
Wyatt Mason IX may be the most powerful entity we have ever witnessed in Blaseball, not allowing even death to stop them from finishing a game. The Peanut, the Coin, the Monitor, and all players ever— none of them have shown that ability. Wyatt Mason IX must be looked into further. Something is going on there.
7th: Wyatt Mason VII – Hellmouth Sunbeams
From an Odyssey of a story in Wyatt Mason IX, back to the much more normal of Wyatt Mason VII of the Hellmouth Sunbeams. They rank 7th on the Wyatt Rankening.
Wyatt Mason VII is to put simply, the most middling of the Wyatt Masons, especially stat-wise. The Baserunning of Wyatt Mason VII is 4 ½ stars, the highest star rating for any single category of any of the Wyatt Masons, but it was only used for one stolen base.
Mason VII had a batting average of .231, which is good but not impressive for the Hellmouth Sunbeams, and not something one can count on as a good frame of reference towards players that have played a full season, as Mason VII was only an active player for a total of 8 games.
There is nothing more I can say about Wyatt Mason VII other than they were here for a cup of coffee, played some Blaseball, and then they were gone. Nothing more than a footnote in the history of the ILB. And for that, they are smack dab in the middle of my rankings, at Number 7.
6th: Wyatt Mason X – Seattle Garages
We finally come to a Wyatt Mason that’s still alive! Joyous Occasion!
Wyatt Mason X of the Seattle Garages is juuuust barely better than Wyatt Mason VII based on stats, and really only is cemented in this slot of 6th overall in the rankings due to having a much much larger sample size to look at. So, for once on this list, surviving longer than others has an effect.
Wyatt Mason X is also interesting statistically because, on paper, they are one of the worst batters of the Wyatt Masons. They are only one half-star better than Wyatt Mason of the Tokyo Lift (and that is only because Wyatt Mason X partied on Day 96, the only one of the Wyatts Mason to do so). But despite that, they ended up as one of the two best batters of the Wyatt Masons.
But it is no joke, Wyatt Mason X’s stats are nothing to scoff at. Every single one of the Baltimore Crabs’s batters besides Logan Horseman in Season 14 had a worse Batting Average and On Base Percentage than Wyatt Mason X.
If you want to say that is an unfair comparison due to the great majority of those players having the Flinch modification, there is even more evidence proving that Wyatt Mason X is much better than their stars say. On Wyatt Mason X’s own Seattle Garages, they ended the season as third best on the team in Batting Average, only behind two of the best batters on the Garages, Lotus Mango and Theodore Duende.
Wyatt Mason X, when compared to the other Wyatt Masons, is quite good— even if star-wise they are not. But of course, Mason X is one of the two Wyatts Mason who can prove me wrong by being much better or much worse, and thus also make this ranking horribly inaccurate. So Wyatt Mason X… please stay as you are, for me.
5th: Wyatt Mason VIII – Ohio Worms
Wyatt Mason VIII of the Ohio Worms is at Number 5. Look, I am going to admit it: this was the toughest of the Wyatts Mason to rank. Wyatt Mason VIII is a strange figure. They are not good, but they are not bad. They were unable to win in both of their starts but had a better ERA than Wyatt Mason IX and Wyatt Mason V, who both achieved victory.
Wyatt Mason VIII, put simply, is a serviceable pitcher. They can keep your team in games, and they are not egregious in giving up runs. They only gave up 7 in their two games total, 6 against eventual playoff team the Hellmouth Sunbeams on Day 78 and one from a Yeong-Ho Garcia solo home run in a 1-0 loss to the Houston Spies. The Worms were just unable to put up anything on Karato Bean.
Digging deeper into the game against the Houston Spies in particular, one can see that Mason VIII put up seven scoreless and spotless Innings of pitching. Only one of their pitches truly got away from them in that home run to Garcia. And it’s not like this was expected from the Worms. Ohio gets runs most of their games, being shut out only six times total in Season 14. Plus, Karato Bean had an ERA of 3.03 in Season 14. If the Worms had just earned what the average team got off Bean in this game, or even slightly below what most teams earned, they would have won this game and Wyatt Mason VIII would be 1-1 instead of 0-2.
Clearly it was not to be, as the Worms did not score a Run. In the record books, it would say that Wyatt Mason VIII was a winless pitcher. It seems this will stay this way forever, as Mason VIII was Echoed into Static on Day 86 alongside Wyatt Mason III of the Atlantis Georgias. Nevertheless, they were not a bad pitcher by any stretch of the imagination, and thus, they are Number 5 on the Wyatt Rankening.
But now it’s time to up the ante a little. The top four are truly the upper echelon of Wyatt Masonsa, so let’s get to them.
4th: Wyatt Mason XIII – Kansas City Breath Mints
My personal favorite of the Wyatts Mason, the Death Mint themself, Wyatt Mason XIII. I am firm in my belief that if Wyatt Mason XIII had played at least two more games and put up similar numbers to what they did in their only game, they would be at the top of this ranking.
All one can ask of a pitcher is that they give their team a fighting chance and try to stop numbers from going up. Wyatt Mason XIII did just exactly that, allowing only three Hits total. Only two bad pitches from Mason XIII decided the game— two pitches thrown by Mason XIII in the 5th Inning resulted in two solo home runs for the San Francisco Lovers.
But Mason XIII kept the Breath Mints right in the thick of things with the San Francisco Lovers, who would end up collecting 56 wins in Season 14, good enough to get them a playoff spot. And not only that, this game was against one of the top pitchers of the Lovers rotation at the time, Fitzgerald Blackburn (then known as Fitzgerald Bl-ckburn due to being Scattered). Mason XIII kept the Breath Mints competitive with their pitching, but Hit-wise, actually pitched better than Blackburn, a stunning feat.
Wyatt Mason XIII put on one heck of a performance in this game but the rest of Breath Mints just could not get on the board and deliver Runs. Sadly, that’s where Mason XIII’s story ends. On Day 84, in a game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves’ own Wyatt Mason XII, just after the first pitch, the two Mason’s would Echo into Static. Neither have been seen or heard from since.
3rd: Wyatt Mason – Tokyo Lift
At Number 3 overall, we have Wyatt Mason of the Tokyo Lift. Alongside Wyatt Mason comes a statistical anomaly that through the creation of the Wyatt Rankening I have stumbled upon, and am utterly befuddled by. So I must share that with you now.
This is a chart of every batting Wyatt Mason charted by their Batting Average and total Batting Stars. What I have found is that as the Wyatt Masons seemed to get worse on paper when measuring by batting stars, they actually performed better at the plate. The only outlier is the second-best batter on paper, Wyatt Mason III, being just slightly worse (.105 BA) than the best batter on paper, Wyatt Mason II, who has the second-worst batting average on paper (.133 BA).
Meanwhile, the on-paper worst batters of the Wyatt Masons, Wyatt Mason on the Tokyo Lift and Wyatt Mason X on the Seattle Garages, both started their journeys in Blaseball as two-star batters, with Mason X getting a bit better with a late Party to get them to 2.5 stars. And yet, these two were the best out of all the Wyatts Mason at batting. Whatever anyone thought would be true, the inverse occurred when looking at the Wyatt Mason batters.
Do I know how they did this? No. Do I know why they did this? No. All I know is that it happened, and I can tell you now that when measuring Wyatt Mason batters, Worse = Better and Better = Worse.
Wyatt Mason only had 24 plate appearances in their short time in the ILB, but they sure made the most of it, getting an On Base Percentage of .292 and six hits. Half of those hits were crushed for Home Runs as well, ballooning their Slugging Percentage to a monstrous .652, just barely below McDowell Mason’s 10th best league-wide .657, and second-best on the Tokyo Lift, only behind the great Goodwin Morin.
Sadly for the Tokyo Lift, the run of Wyatt Mason did not last very long. They only made eight short games before Echoing into Static on Day 81 with Wyatt Mason VII of the Hellmouth Sunbeams. They were a very good addition to the Lift they were, even if for just a brief moment.
2nd: Wyatt Mason IV – LA Unlimited Tacos
At 2nd place, we have the only Wyatt Mason to see playoff action, Wyatt Mason IV of the LA Unlimited Tacos. Mason IV joined the league’s smallest rotation, at the time just Sexton Wheerer and Yummy Elliott, and immediately saw themselves playing a lot. Ending up pitching more Innings total than Lenny Marijuana and Nolanestophia Patterson of the Seattle Garages when combining regular season and postseason for Mason IV.
And while Win rate is not a great metric for how good a pitcher is (Jenkins Good, a three star pitcher, ended Season 14’s regular season with a win rate of 80%, while Zoey Kirchner, a six star pitcher, ended Season 14’s regular season with a win rate of 42%), it can not be glossed over that with Wyatt Mason IV on the mound, the LA Unlimited Tacos won 75% of the time, much better than Sexton Wheerer’s 58% or Yummy Elliott’s 61%. When Mason IV was pitching, things went well for the Tacos.
However, a knock on Mason IV is that when up against good competition, their flaws were exposed. This can be seen from the noticeable spike in ERA for them in the regular season to the playoffs— a whole 1.61 runs worse.
Now I could understand an argument for putting Wyatt Mason IV much lower than 2nd overall. Their stats are good, but leaves much to be desired. The previous two entries on the rankings make compelling cases to be above Mason IV. But Mason IV has one major thing over them, they did not die.
With Wyatt Mason IV, we are not working with 24 plate appearances or less than 20 Innings of pitching. There were over one hundred Innings of Blaseball played in Season 14 by Wyatt Mason IV and therefore more conclusions are able to be drawn from Mason IV than from a Wyatt Mason or a Wyatt Mason XIII. And for that alone, they have to be ranked above those two and must be regarded as one of the best of the Wyatts Mason in Season 14.
They aren’t the best however.
1st: Wyatt Mason VI – Boston Flowers
Finally, we come to the best of the Wyatt Masons, none other than the Boston Flowers’s very own Wyatt Mason VI. Now some may see this as a surprise— Mason VI as a pitcher only won a singular game for the Boston Flowers and their ERA is not the best of the Wyatts Mason. Their stars are very good for a Wyatt Mason, but it has been shown throughout this ranking that it does not matter how much stars you have, all that matters is how you perform on the diamond. So why? Why is Wyatt Mason VI the best Wyatt Mason?
The explanation is simple. A larger than most sample size.
If I was ranking purely on stats, Wyatt Mason XIII of the Kansas City Breath Mints would be in this spot no question. But they only pitched a game, and I can not in good conscience decide that someone is the best based on one game. I however, can do that based on four games.
It also helps that Wyatt Mason VI was a very good player. They ended with an ERA of 2.97, good enough for third-best on the Boston Flowers. This does not sound like much, until you factor in the fact that the two players they were behind were the International Blaseball Writers Association’s Parker MacMillan III MVP of the Season winner, Nagomi McDaniel, and 11th best in Blaseball in ERA, Cory Twelve.
Wyatt Mason VI would also not have suffered the three losses that they did if the Boston Flowers had bothered to get Runs on board for their games. In the three losses that Wyatt Mason VI endured in Season 14, the Flowers had scored 3.8 runs combined. In these losses, Mason VI gave up 2 Runs, 3 Runs, and 4 Runs, respectively. All very winnable games for the Boston Flowers. This was proven when, in their final start where they finally won, the Flowers put up 7 Runs, getting them to a good 7-4 win over the Houston Spies.
I would be remiss if I did not also mention the Strikeouts Per 9 Innings of Wyatt Mason VI. Mason VI struck out an average of 11.9 batters per game, which would tie for 8th in the ILB for Strikeouts Per 9 Innings and best on the Boston Flowers. Yes, even better than Nagomi McDaniel.
Wyatt Mason VI was the diamond in the rough of the Wyatt Masons, and the fact that we will likely never see them play ever again is heartbreaking. Wyatt Mason VI Echoed into Static on the final game of the regular season for the Boston Flowers, taking beloved player Wyatt Quitter with them. And while most probably focused on the sudden absence of Quitter, right now all I can think of is the amazing career we have been robbed of.
Rest In Static Wyatt Mason VI, you were the best of them.
To the now-Echoed Wyatt Masons, it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the memories.