Coffee and Tacos, Part 1: Setting the Scene

This is the first installment in our three-part series recapping the LA Unlimited Tacos’ exploits in the Coffee Cup.

Author: Pastime “Frijoles” Jones

Coffee. It’s served in cups and infused into desserts, but during Internet League Blaseball’s Coffee Cup, we saw it falling from the sky (or possibly space, given the presence of the flying saucer that Percolated Real Game Band in the first round). Coffee weather Beaned players, making them Wired or Tired and increasing or decreasing the value of their runs by 50%; Coffee 2 weather Poured Over, granting Free Refills to be redeemed upon scoring; Coffee 3s provided pitchers with a Third Wave brew to chug, giving them the ability to score unruns.

The Coffee Cup saw the players from our beloved ILB teams split up into 13 new teams based on players’ coffee preferences, and they were joined by three teams from outside the League to fill out the bracket. As a roving reporter following the Unlimited Tacos throughout Los Angeli and beyond, I’ve watched each of the Tacos players in the Cup as they played on six different Coffee Cup teams.

So without further ado, let’s take a look at how they performed during the inaugural Coffee Cup.

Halexandrey Walton playing for Inter Xpresso

Halexandrey Walton has been with the Tacos since season 5, and she’s an essential powerhouse. She brought her solid slugging and good defense to Inter Xpresso, joining a solid lineup with no real weak spots. She’s not as flashy as Valentine Games, but she performed well in Season 11, hitting some career highs.

Mcdowell Mason playing for Americano Water Works

Mcdowell Mason joined a pretty strong batting lineup, bringing 4 stars to the Water Works. He’s another one of the Tacos’ heavy hitters, bringing the all-important 2 in the 1-2-3 combo along with Walton and Games. 

Valentine Games playing for Atlético Latte

Valentine Games led Atlético’s lineup as team captain. With 5.5 batting stars she’s a great slugger and runner, with the highest home runs and second highest on-base percentage for the Tacos overall. It’s no wonder that she’s a popular idol.

Rat Mason and Basilio Fig playing for Royal PoS

Rat Mason and Basilio Fig both joined the Royal PoS lineup, which was led by Dudley Mueller, who helped bring the Hellmouth Sunbeams to victory in the Season 11 Postseason Finals.

Rat Mason is greeted with chants of RAT AT BAT from fans each time they step up to the plate. They’ve had downs and ups, with an allergic reaction in Season 6 and then a boost in Season 7, but they’ve been a vital part of the Tacos lineup since the beginning. Rat has the highest overall regular season batting average among the Tacos, and he also had a great Season 11.

Basilio Fig is another longtime Taco, although they began their ILB career with the Hawai’i Fridays during Season 3 before joining the newly-Unlimited Tacos via feedback swap in Season 4. While they’d love a chance to pitch, they hold their own at the plate.

Sexton Wheerer and Vito Kravitz playing for Milk Proxy Society

Two Tacos also joined Milk Proxy Society: Sexton Wheerer and Vito Kravitz. They joined a strong team that looked like it could go all the way if they got just a bit of luck in the first round.

Wheerer got the chance to pick up a bat—surely a welcome change after pitching every other game all season. His batting is probably about as good as his pitching, that is to say, average at best.

Kravitz closes out the Tacos’ lineup. He’s got a respectable number of home runs to his name over the course of his career, and he’s shown significant improvement over the years, especially in his slugging and on base percentage.

Peanut Bong playing for Macchiato City

Finally, Peanut Bong is the newest Taco, joining the team as a pitcher after the Shelled One was defeated at the end of Season 10. With just one star in both pitching and batting, he’s not exactly a highly-coveted player, but nevertheless it was nice to see him get to step up to bat.


Stay tuned for the next part of this recap, as we explore how the Tacos fared in the Coffee Cup!

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