The Grand Siesta ends on March 1st. With the news that blaseball will be returning a week later than the timeline originally proposed by the commissioner, our favourite splort has once again proven that you can never get too comfortable betting on a 77.7% chance of winning.
(The only safe bet in blaseball, in fact, is that in the time it has taken me to write up this analysis you will have seen so many variations of this joke on Twitter that it’s no longer funny. Nevertheless, the low-hanging fruit is there for a reason.)
While this news might come as a disappointment to some fans after the admittedly very cool date of 2.22 was believed to be the most likely date for blaseball to return, the press release announcing blaseball’s grand return came with a wealth of new details about the aftermath of Season 11’s election results that we can dig into to speculate about this bold new era of blaseball while you rewrite all your scheduled tweets.
You can view the full press release here. Here’s our most important takeaways:
Snacks are returning to blaseball! Peanuts have been an integral part of blaseball since Season 2, though with the advent of shelling and their great value as tribute when bartering with the void squid, their nutritional value fell by the wayside and a great many squirrels were put out of work as peanut hoarders bartered their wares with the Monitor. With the news that snacks will be doubling as Votes, which assumedly are physical objects in the same way that a notorious series of Joel A. Clark tweets revealed that runs (and the Coffee Cup specific Unruns) are physical objects, it is almost certain that snacks will once again have monetary value that outweighs their nutritional value. Given how that ended last time, who can really say whether this is a good thing or a bad thing?
2. THE FEED
An easier way to keep up with blaseball. Whether the Feed is going to be an in-depth recap of games or a curated Twitter feed of official blaseball posts, it’s safe to say this has something to do with Lootcrates. Anything that makes blaseball more accessible is a positive in my book!
3. THE CRABITAT
A new home for the Crabs? This might have something to do with the mysterious Blaseball2 website discovered after the Crabs went up, or climbed.
This is the big one. Wills will allow blaseball fans to engage in deeper strategy and organising. Whether this means getting into the nitty-gritty of managing their teams or more broadly deciding on directions for the teams, this is sure to be a huge change.
5. THE OFF-SEASON
Blaseball now has an off-season, with seasons being conducted over three weeks, followed by a two week break. Fingers crossed for more siesta events like the Coffee Cup for the downtime!
6. THE COMMISSIONER WILL DO A GREAT JOB
The Commissioner, as ever, is doing a great job. and that extends to giving updates on Twitter. You can follow the hashtag #BLASEBALLUPDATE for official news and updates on the return of blaseball.