Miguel James! I could forgive you if you’ve never heard of them before- Sunbeams pitching has always been considered a notable weakness, outside of Sigmund Castillo. This is a team that’s all about an electrifying offense, so what makes Miguel James stand out?
For starters: ignoring Sunbeams defense, Miguel James was a good pitcher for 20 seasons. Season 15 stands out with an impressive 5 shutouts- quite an accomplishment when you only play 19 games! Seasons 21 and 22 saw some of the best Underhanded pitching the league had to offer, and seasons 23 and 24 still offer impressive winning records (going 8-2, then 5-1). When you start trying to factor in defensive play, the best math on offer for the subject suggests playing for the Sunbeams costed Miguel an average of half a run per game, putting an already respectable career ERA of 3.67 in a new light.
I could talk about how more advanced statistics suggest Miguel James’ career is an all-time great- 8th in career pitcher WhAT is highly impressive for someone who never pitched on a shortened rotation- but I’ll leave you with some signature Sunbeams flair: on day 110 of Season 22, Miguel James attempted to steal the Legendary Super Roamin’ Fifth Base and was caught stealing. That’s right.
Miguel James, a pitcher, was caught stealing a base. While playing for the least successful base-stealing team in Blaseball. Poetry.
You can be forgiven for not being too familiar with Rodriguez “Rod.Net” Internet despite have the 8th most plate appearances in all of Blaseball. Lacking an obvious appearance in the composite ‘advanced’ career stats favoured by many Hall of Fame analysts, Rod was very much an outsider during their first week on the ballot. Thanks to extensive campaigning and affection from the Breath Mints they ultimately landed 52.25% of the vote – the highest ranking newcomer and only 2.75% shy of a Hall berth under the new rules.
For the entirety of the ILB they served as the reliable engine of the Breath Mints (and later Oxford Paws) offence with this one weird trick: hitting singles. Indeed, Rod.Net hit more singles than any other player of the game. When the Headliners blessing optimised the Season 7 Kansas City lineup into a division-leading unit, most of the attention was rightly focused on Boyfriend Monreal and Hewitt Best. They got on base with style and moxie, but it was Internet that brought them home. League #1 in hits with runners in scoring position, #2 in sacrifice hits and #3 hits total and #5 batting average, all on one star of batting skill.
Things only get sillier once Rod gained the Repeating modification. If you’re willing to overlook the 1, 2 and 3 player lineups of S23/24 Moist Talkers then Rodriguez Internet earned the most selves batted in, a feat that is only more impressive when factoring in that Rod could only repeat in Reverb weather.
High speed, low ping: Rod.Net’s the bestest thing.
I’ll keep this brief – Collins Melon is Forrest Best, perfected. Like Forrest, Collins paired otherworldly basestealing ability with less effective hitting. Don’t get me wrong – Collins was a great hitter, at least after they were Infused. However, hitting the ball was always their weak point, and they were nowhere near as effective at it as other Expansion Era star blobs with similar total star counts. Despite that though, they’re unquestionably one of the greatest batters of all time, because every single hit Collins got threatened to score.
This is shown in their advanced statistics. Collins is the proud owner of 6 of the top 100 single season WhAT totals, despite only having 2 of the top 100 single season OPS+’s. Collins may not have hit as well as Conner Haley, Commissioner Vapor, or some of the other elite hitters on the ballot, but their otherworldly base stealing meant they were better at turning the hits they did get into runs (and therefore wins) than anyone else who’s ever played the game.
That’s what makes Collins special, and why they deserve your vote. They’re not just another player who put up absurd results due to inflated stats. No, Collins is one of the best batters of all time even though they were merely above average at hitting the ball. Collins ran so fast they warped reality around them, changed Blaseball into a completely different game, and showed us all just how absurd the sim can get. They deserve to be in the Hall of Fame, and i hope you’ll help get them in there.
Sometimes, a beloved player bows out of Blaseball far earlier than they should. Wesley Dudley is one of those players. A starter for the Season 1 Millennials, Wes was a solid slugger and one of the best baserunners on the Team, with 19 stolen bases in Seasons 3 and 4, in a time when stolen bases were somewhat hard to come by. A blistering 0.958 OPS in Season 3, behind only star Discipline Millennials Thomas Dracaena and Schneider Bendie. Season 4 would find our beloved gamer Alternated into a buffer version of themselves, though their performance seemed to suffer a bit. Wesley Dudley refocused his career on streaming his favorite classic video games, playing Blaseball as all of the Players must, but finding a slice of life to enjoy all the same.
Mere Days before the infamous Ruby Tuesday of Season 7, Wesley Dudley met his untimely end at the hands of a Rogue Umpire, leaving behind Nandy Fantastic, First Born of the Bloodhouse. Wes’ untimely death would be an ill omen during the rest of the Season for New York, as Captain Dominic Marijuana would be hit by the necrotic pitch of the revived Jaylen Hotdogfingers.
Is Wesley Dudley the best of the best? Likely not, but he was a key component of a legendary two Season run for the New York Millennials franchise. Toss a coin into your favorite arcade cabinet for Wesley Dudley when you get the opportunity.
It’s PolkaDot Patterson. Don’t overthink this.
The Scene: Walton Sports, sipping a lukewarm cup of Flolgers coffee while enjoying his morning newspaper in Hades. After reading that he’s been added to the Hall of Fame ballot, Walton pulls out his Tarot deck, and does a reading while reminiscing on his career.
Ken Griffey Jr – The Sun – Man, the Jazz Hands were good back in the day. Well, the lineup was good, and Campos and August were great pitchers, but I wasn’t that bad. At least I was better than Lowe and … what was the other one’s name? Everyone did get mad at me for criticizing The Commissioner though. Anyway …
Randy Johnson – The Tower – We had a tough decade there. Reverb, Feedback, more Reverb, more Feedback, a few incinerations, and by the end I was batting? Getting August back was nice though, even if she picked up some avant garde grilling ideas on The Steaks.
Rickey Henderson – The Chariot – Finally, things started to turn around. The birds were singing, our rookies really started pulling their weight, I partied like it was 1999, and Melon and I stole practically every base in the league. Heck, when they finally put me back on the mound, I was better than I’d ever been. Everything was coming up Walton!
Curt Flood – Death – And then I got sent to Hades. Not gonna lie, it’s been a bit of an adjustment. The weather’s a bit warmer than in Breckenridge, and the birds here are a bit … feistier than I’m used to. Still, I can’t complain too much, what with everything else that was happening at the time. At least everyone finally admitted I was right about The Commissioner! And if I have to be Unstable, I’m glad the Styx Wiggler has protected me from the consequences.
I’m still a little weirded out about drinking Frankie Hambone’s blood though. Famous said it was a Hades tradition, but I think they’re lying.
I’ve certainly had an eventful career. Maybe even a Hall of Fame worthy one? I wonder what the cards will say?
Jose Canseco – Judgment – Reversed
–deafhobbit, with help from Tigers fans in the Wild High Discord