Welcome back to the Blaseball Hall of Fame coverage—
Hold on, I am getting word that this is our first time doing this. Sooooo um….
WELCOME to the inaugural Blaseball Hall of Fame coverage! Hosted by the Society for Internet Blaseball Research (SIBR), we hope to find the Greatest of the Greats in League history and induct them into a Hall of Fame.
What does Greatest of the Greats mean? That is up to you! It is DISK HORSE SZN BAYBEE!
Alaynabella Hollywood started their Blaseball career as the leadoff hitter for the Sunbeams, a position they were well-suited for as one of the lowest-rated players on one of the worst-performing teams in the League. However, Hollywood’s saving grace was in their defense, where they was only rivaled on the Lineup by longtime friend and double-play partner, Randall Marijuana. They were beloved by the fans and team alike, and sometimes the chants of ‘Hollyweed’ still echo in the Solarium. But shortly after the tragic Feedback and Incineration of Marijuana, the other half of the duo left the Sunbeams as well, swapping to the Boston Flowers for Wild Low Sweetheart Hahn Fox as a result of the Vulture Blessing. Though our Layna left us at the end of Season 6, the Sunbeams have never forgotten them, and have only grown prouder of both their achievements and incredible failures in the Seasons since.
Who knows what turns a
human giant lizard man to crime? Desperation at losing seasons? The desire to look cool? Four parties at the end of Season 21? It’s impossible to say. What isn’t impossible to say is that late in the Expansion Era, Brock Watson didn’t meet a base they couldn’t steal. Coming out of the Shadows in Season 10, Brock had been a dependable hitter, often one of the best hitters on the Wings’ admittedly terrible Lineup, but in Seasons 22 and 23 Brock stole 184 bases, third behind only Engine Eberhardt (200) and Collins Melon ( One Million 295). A Wings All-Sauce player, Brock was the bedrock of the Wings in the dark times without Summers and Fran, and deserves a place in the pantheon of great Wings. Do they belong in the Hall of Fame? Who knows, but as a Seeker, they won’t go Elsewhere.
If you are considering raw performance stats, well, it was nice that you stopped to read this, but you should probably move along. Cell’s pitching potential was identified early, being selected as the pitching captain of the Light & Sweet Electric Co. despite having never pitched in a game, and they developed into a capable pitcher through the Expansion Era, particularly post-ruthlessness, resulting in a selection to the Wings’ All-Sauce team. But, and let’s be really honest here, Cell isn’t deserving of a Hall of Fame spot based solely on their statistics. Given that Cell Barajas is reborn with the conclusion of each game, there are batting Cells and pitching Cells, Cells with playoff uniforms and Cells without, and that one Cell with the Light & Sweet cap. A Cell that has seen every Wings game, and a Cell that is yet to play in their first.
Some players deserve to be in the Hall of Fame because they are exceptionally good, some because they are exceptionally bad, and some because on any given day of aSiesta, four pages of a Disclord scroll can be filled with but two words: Cell Barajas.
Summers Preston is the best batter in the history of the Mexico City Wild Wings. They are also the most batter; as one of the few original Wings that survived through to Season 24 (and the only one that has been an active Lineup player for all 24 seasons, despite a few of those seasons being with the Dale). Summers has accumulated 9151 plate appearances (more than 1000 more than the dearly departed Yong Wright) and ridden that to be on the all-time leaderboards for Total Bases (5295, 5th) and Triples Hit (431, 3rd). Leadoff hitter for the All-Sauce Wings and a participant in the Coffee Cup for the runner-up FWXBC, Summers may never have been the best batter in any given season, but they were always good or better, and over 24 seasons, that’s an amazing achievement worthy of the Hall.
And if you want some sort of signature moment? Season 7, Day 113, Lovers at Wings with the Wings 2-1 up in the Championship Series. Bottom of the 9th, score is 3-2 Lovers. José Haley was walked, and Summers was at the plate. Having swung and missed at the first pitch, Summers drove a grounder into the outfield for a double, bringing José home and tying the game. Case Sports hits a single, giving Summers the chance to advance to third, and then Lawrence “Larry “Home Run Horne” Horne” Horne” hits a single, which was the invitation Summers needed to cross home plate, winning the Wings a championship.
First impressions really do wonders. Pitching Machine was a perfectly serviceable player for its career, a consistent fixture on the idol board. One may think that Pitching Machine had an excellent career on the mound— but that is unfortunately not the case when you take a harder look at its performance. Pitching Machine has spent only 4 seasons on the mound. First, in Los Angeli where it was the only pitcher for a significant portion of the season, becoming quite profitable and leading the League in counting statistics both good (Wins, Strikeouts) and bad (Losses, Hits Allowed). Then in Seattle, contributing to an expansion of the band, it had one of the lightest workloads and was a solid performer among solid performers with Arturo Huerta and Betsy Trombone putting up comparable numbers. PM also isn’t clutch. Giving up 8 runs in a potential series winner in Season 12 led to the Tigers Evolving and the Garages B-scending with their 3rd Finals loss. Then, PM spent five seasons at the plate for the Worms and Lovers. It was funny. It was average.
Their final season on the mound in Atlantis was stellar though. So if a single season of elite performance is good enough for you, then vote for Pitching Machine.
Some of you may be wondering: just who the heck is Alston England– and that would be a fair question to ask, given the chaos of the late Expansion Era. Luckily, I’ve got you covered!
Alston first emerged from the Firefighters Shadows mid-Season 21, Faxing in for fellow Season 1 Shadow, Zi Sliders and pitching a shutout for their first game. After receiving an Ambitious Item (which they would never lose) and partying twice, they would later Fax back out for Zi only 2 days into Season 22, starting a cycle the Firefighters lovingly call the revolving door, in which Alston would be Faxed no less than 10 times over the course of the next 3 seasons, leading to them gaining over a star and a half in pitching.
Alston may be an offhand pick, as their stats don’t immediately point to Hall of Fame. But they did make the shutout leaderboard in Season 23, making up a full third of the games they won that season. Mostly, I think Alston is a great example of the Fax Machine at its best: boosting players from serviceable to great.
Stout Schmitt…. What is there to say about Stout Schmitt? Brought out by the Miami Dale in the Season 17 Elections for Jasmine Washington, they spent most of their career on the team as a mid-to-good batter and doing good work as the team’s seeker, until briefly getting Voicemailed while Unstable (which luckily ended fine!). Unfortunately, their Feedback to the Chicago Firefighters for Isaac Johnson wouldn’t fare as well, as Stout quickly became the team’s worst batter.
Now the interesting thing here is, despite being granted the Skipping Modification, which for most players gave them more walks, Stout didn’t record a single one until Season 24. This was because every time they drew a walk, it was being recorded as an out because of the out in Stout’s name. So what they might lack in performance they make up for in the ability to break SIBR tools, I guess?
Hey, it’s not nothing.
What business does Stijn Strongbody have appearing on this ballot? Four seasons as one of the poorest hitters on one of the weakest teams, until Season 14’s Soul Swap Blessing brought a minor batting boost. Two-and-a-half more of unremarkable performance before a fiery demise. How can this merit a spot in the Hall of Fame?
If there’s any place for sentiment in the Hall, Strongbody is more than worthy of your consideration. The rookie Tokyo Lift were wholly unprepared to replace the ascended Crabs— let’s not dress this up, they were atrocious— but fans rallied behind a 1.8-star batter with a suspiciously on-point name as the figurehead of their team. To them, Strongbody personified the Lift’s gains-based spirit; their greatness didn’t come from on-field performance, it came from supporting those around them in getting better. However early the Lift entered Party Time, Strongbody seemed always to sidestep its opportunities so that others might benefit. Even their batting boost was part of a group Blessing. Since their untimely Incineration, the team’s first, Strongbody’s example has remained the fans’ guiding principle.
From the very start, Jan Canberra was an amazing baserunner limited only by their mediocre batting skills. In Season 14, they stole 58 bases, putting them second only to the unstoppable Goodwin Morin. Their batting looked to be improving thanks to Partying, only to be devastated by a Consumer attack at the end of Season 15, and next season a Reverb chained them to the mound, ending their baserunning career, but allowing them to realise their potential as a pitcher. The height of their career was Season 22, where they managed an 80% Win-Loss ratio and pitched 13 shutouts over 35 games, all while continuing their life of crime thanks to the Tunnels Renovation.
I’ll be honest, despite being a diehard Atlantis Georgias fan, I’m not convinced that Jan is ready for a spot in the Hall of Fame. But I know that one day they will be. We don’t know what the next era will hold, but if Jan can make it back to bat with their current stats I believe they have an amazing career ahead of them, and if they stays on the mound, at least they’ll remain a solid shutout pitcher.
Wyatt Mason IV
Wyatt Mason IV (henceforth referred to as Ivy) joined the ILB during the second Wyatt Masoning (I still can’t believe we have to differentiate) in the Season 14 Latesiesta, when no less than 13 Wyatts Mason emerged to the League. 11 of them swiftly Staticked away, leaving only Wyatt Mason X (aka MaX) of the Seattle Garages, and Ivy on the Los Angeli Unlimited Tacos.
Ivy was an above average pitcher from the off, posting a 3.24 ERA in limited action in Season 14, so the Tacos decided to keep them around and invest Election resources their way, Infusing them after Season 15. The move paid dividends for Season 16, as Ivy’s ERA dropped to 2.99, with a FIP+ of 145. Their career stalled from that point forward, as Ivy Echoed themselves into a Peanut shell for the majority of the Taco title run in Season 17, before the botched Fish Summer trade sent them to the plate in Atlantis. They were not good. They would find their way back onto the mound in Atlantis and later Dallas, never showing quite the same ability they had before the Shelling, especially in the cramped confines of the Steakhouse.
Had Ivy continued on the path they looked like they might tread in that first season post Infuse, their Hall of Fame case would be much stronger. As it is, while they have flirted with star pitching potential, the career ERA of 3.65, ERA+ of 118, and FIP+ of 114 demonstrate that although comfortably the most successful player ever named Wyatt Mason, Ivy never took their place amongst the League’s elite.
Here’s an opportunity for bold, risk-taking voters to spin the wheel: induct a player who isn’t great yet but might be soon.
The Lift’s android ace laid down a marker in their Season 22 sophomore campaign, with four big Parties and still enough juice for a roof-raising playoff run; Bootleg was a key player as the 36-63 Wildcard picks clown-showed their way to an Internet Series matchup with The Breath Mints. Not necessarily a winning player, but definitely a player.
They impressed again the following Season, behind only Underhanded Silvaire Semiquaver as a 2.53 ERA helped propel the Lift to a League-best record. Through Season 24 Bootleg led the line as the one-third of pitching staff who was neither Shelled nor Terrell Bradley. There’s no such thing as a sure thing, but Domino Bootleg’s star is rising and this could be a chance for Hall of Fame voters to get ahead of the game.
It’s Jaxon Buckley. If we don’t instantly vote them in, I don’t know what we’re doing here. I will briefly present their case nevertheless.
Second best career batting average all-time, eighth best career slugging percentage all-time, sixth best career OPS all-time, sixth in all-time total bases, all-time leader in quadruples hit (god bless the Legendary Super Roamin’ Fifth Base and its extended baking time in The Oven). Oh, and they also lead the ILB for most doubles hit all-time. By 149. You read that right.
Maybe you’re curious about the more advanced metrics? Fifth in career OPS+ (185), eight seasons above 200 OPS+ (100 is the league average), three more above 180 OPS+.
Jaxon Buckley has a legitimate case as the greatest hitter ever. If they don’t have a plaque in the Hall with a cheesy grin and a Pies cap after the first week of voting, burn it all down.
How do I even begin to describe Jolene Willowtree? Jolene Willowtree is ruthless— and Ruthless. They have eight pitching stars and a career FIP+ of 185. I hear their record for the largest shutout by runs scored is insured for ten thousand votes. I hear they do fax commercials… in the Core. Their favourite number is 28. One time they met Ruth Meta on a plane— and it told them they were scary. One time they threw a blaseball at my face. It was awesome.
They started their career in Season 13 as the lowest-starred pitcher on a Core Mechanic’s Rotation that featured powerhouses like Zoey Kirchner and— oh yeah— PolkaDot Patterson and went on a one-player campaign to prove that all you need to do to succeed is chuck balls really fast at the strike zone until batters flee in terror. This all came to a head in Season 18 when, at least according to some fans, they proved their point so well that league officials decided to end the strikeout meta.
Look, there are pitchers with better ERAs in the league, pitchers who have won more games. But imagine you’ve made it to Game five of the Finals and it’s the bottom of the ninth and your batters don’t even swing the bat once. That’s what Jolene Willowtree represents.
The Blaseball Hall Of Fame (legally distinct from the canon, in-game Hall of Flame) is a project which aims to recognize the greatest Blaseball players. It is inspired by the real life Baseball Hall Of Fame, with the biggest difference being that voting is open to everyone, instead of limited to a select number of people.
Although the ballot is posted on Mondays, voting will begin on Wednesdays through a Google form. If you dont see a blurb here about a player, it isnt a judgement on that player, rather they did not have a writer. If you would like to get involved and submit blurbs for players you can by joining BNN here: http://tinyurl.com/beancord