Welcome to Hlorrible Hlistories. This is a series about less-known weird moments in Blaseball, statistical outliers that didn’t get noticed by the community at large. This episode is about the time the Tacos set a record for runs scored in a single game, then lost.

It’s Season 11, Day 32, and the Miami Dale are hosting the Unlimited Tacos. The pitcher for the Dale is Wyatt Owens, who’s been serviceable in their career, but entered a slump this season. On this day, they are about to make history, in a bad but morbidly funny way.

The game is reasonably likely to be a slugfest, as the Walk in the Park-powered Wild Low has all 5 best teams of the season by runs scored, and the Tacos in particular have the best OPS and most home runs scored in history of Blaseball, but the first three innings are scoreless. Peanut Bong, Wyatt’s opponent, retires the first 9 Dale batters. Owens allows 3 walks, but manages to get out of the situation.

In the fourth inning, the dam finally bursts. Wyatt loads the bases with 3 straight walks, then surrenders a grand slam to Mcdowell Mason, and another home run to Valentine Games two pitches later. Basilio Mason hits a triple and then scores via sacrifice, Halexandrey Walton bats in Vito Kravitz, and then Mcdowell comes back to deliver yet another home run. After the inning, the score is 9-0 Tacos. 

However, due to Sun 2, this is anything but a guaranteed non-loss. The Dale load the bases in the bottom of the inning, then Cannonball Sports clears them with a double. In the top of the 6th, Wyatt Owens allows more runners on base then surrenders a 3-run home run to Rat Mason, Sun 2 triggers, and the Tacos are now losing 2-3. It’s about to get more ridiculous.

Top of the 7th. Mcdowell Mason hits a go-ahead triple, then gets caught stealing home. Rat Mason hits another home run to make the score 5-3. Top of the 8th. Wyatt allows 5 hits and 4 RBI in 8 pitches. Basilio Fig scores a single to cause another 10 runs to be taken off the board. After the bases are loaded again, Mcdowell sacs in Fig for their 10th RBI of the game. The score is once again 2-3. Top of the 9th. Rat Mason hits a third homer to tie the game. Wyatt gets two outs, but walks two more Tacos players, and Mcdowell Mason is in the batter’s box. They strike out on 3 pitches. The Tacos have scored 23 runs and are going into extra innings.

At that point, this game could very well go down in history. The record for runs in a single 9-inning game is 24, which Jaylen Hotdogfingers, while under a mod that makes them allow home runs on purpose, could only tie 30 days earlier. If the Tacos score 2 more runs and hold off the Dale’s offense, they could go home with a record and a non-loss.

They don’t.

They do score the 25th run in the tenth inning, but Beck Whitney hits a two-run homer to tie it up, and after two singles the Dale nearly walk it off. In the eleventh inning, Owens walks in a run with two outs, but immediately after Basilio Mason gets caught stealing home. The Dale respond with a Randy Dennis two-out double (one of only 8 doubles for them this season) to bat in Caleb Novak. Then comes the twelfth inning.

After two walks on six straight balls and two hits, the score is 9-6. Wyatt gets an out, then walks Basilio Mason, and Vito Kravitz is in at the plate with Rat Mason at second. They hit a single, and Rat, this season’s worst player by UBR, advances from second to home to trigger the third Sun 2. But the Tacos still have a hope for a non-loss – Owens loads the bases, then surrenders a base-clearing triple and an RBI single to make the score 6-5 Dale. Basilio Mason then walks to the plate and immediately flies out. Basilio Fig walks up and hits a groundball to Don Elliott for the third out. Dale non-lose 6-5.

Wyatt Owens’ final statline: 12 IP, 35 R, 27 H, 6 SO, 22 BB, W.

As of this article’s making, this is still the highest number of runs ever allowed in a single game, without shenanigans caused by Sum Sun, Equal Sun, or Sun 0.1. And of all weathers, this game was played in Sun 2, the only weather where it’s possible to score a record number of runs and lose.

But there’s a silver lining for the Tacos – the three wins turned out to be important for them. Despite having only 45 non-losses, the Tacos had a league best 15 extra wins from the weather, which allowed them to reach the playoffs by one win. Had they not obtained any of those 3 wins, they would have tied with the Spies and Firefighters, and lost due to poor Divine Favor. So these wins really had a hlistorical impact.

The post Hlorrible Hlistories: The Tacos Scored 35 Runs and Lost appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Welcome to Hlorrible Hlistories, a series about less-known weirder moments in Blaseball, statistical outliers that didn’t quite get noticed by other than a handful of people. We’re gonna talk about it when Blaseball isn’t happening to fill the void in our hearts.

In the early Expansion Era, if you were great at Blaseball, you likely were gonna switch teams at the end of the season. Wills were introduced in Season 12, among them Plunder and Exchange. Plunder allowed teams to take any player from the Idol Board in exchange for someone from your team. Exchange did the same, but with anyone from the League.

Blessings that allow teams to exchange players weren’t new, but never before had every team had a 47% chance to do that. Obviously, teams wanted the League superstars to play for them, and soon the most famous players were moving teams at an unprecedented pace. Of the top 5 in on-base plus slugging percentage leaders in Season 12, three were wearing a different jersey next season. One of them was Aldon Cashmoney.

This is the story of how they were involved in possibly the meanest trade in Blaseball history.

So, Aldon Cashmoney was a great batter. Easily one of the greatest ever. And at the time of Season 12, their stock was rising like never before. After having a Yummy reaction in Season 8, and then gaining the Spicy mod in the Season 9 Election, Aldon transformed from a merely good batter to top in the League. Aldon Cashmoney was #1 in the ILB in OPS in Season 9, Season 11, and Season 12. And in Season 10, they shattered the record for stolen bases at 132, getting caught only one time the entire season. In Season 12, while leading the Hades Tigers to their third Championship, Cashmoney had their third 30 HR/30 SB season, the first player in the ILB ever to achieve that, and scored 9 home runs in the postseason, the second consecutive time. Virtually everyone would have loved Aldon on their team, but the ones who got their hands on them are the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

The Sunbeams and Tigers are generally considered the opposite of rivals. You wouldn’t expect that one of them would sabotage the others. And the Sunbeams, as far as I can assume, weren’t trying to take the Tigers’ best player— or anybody’s player. Yet with only 1% of the vote, the Plunder will activated to bring Aldon Cashmoney to Hellmouth. And, as cruel irony (and wimdy) would have it, the person they sent back was Nerd Pacheco.

Nerd Pacheco wasn’t an all-time great like Aldon, but they were a pretty good batter. In Season 11, they batted in 108 runs, were on the batting average leaderboard with 0.335, and drew 54 walks, in addition to having their fourth consecutive season with 25 or more home runs. But there was a problem with Nerd Pacheco— they were in a giant peanut shell.

In the top of the 10th inning in a Season 12, Day 56 game against the Tacos, as Nerd walked up to bat to open the inning, the opposing pitcher, Peanut Bong, tasted the Infinite and Shelled them before throwing a single pitch at them, only the second player in the Expansion Era to shell an opponent. And so, the Sunbeams got possibly the greatest batter of all time, and the Tigers got virtually nothing. Not even a batter who was bad at hitting— a batter who physically couldn’t hit. For being unintentional, this looks like the meanest thing to do to a Blaseball team.

The Tigers struggled without their superstar batter in Season 13, scoring just 418.2 runs— the second lowest in franchise history since Season 1. They were in post-season contention but ended up losing to the Wild Wings on Divine Favor. The Sunbeams, with Aldon Cashmoney and Dudley Mueller, the two greatest hitters of the season… finished 5th in the division, only above the hlistorically awful Worms.

Nerd Pacheco never played a single game for the Tigers— in next season’s Elections, Pies exchanged for them in return for pitcher Nicholas Mora. That same season, Aldon was brought back to Hades for team favorite Richmond Harrison. Nerd spent another 4.5 seasons in a shell, then got unshelled in Season 18 and played a great season as a pitcher, then got a Superallergic reaction in a postseason game that brought their combined star rating from 15.9 stars to 0.6. After the season, Nerd got retired to the Shadows, likely for the foreseeable future. The same season, Cashmoney was Vaulted. 

The trade ended up not really mattering at all. Most trades in Season 12 didn’t. Of the 8 Exchange/Plunder targets, 4 spent only one season with the team that yanked them. It’s still, however, one of the funniest trades ever to look at. And that is pretty hlistorical to me.

The post Hlorrible Hlistories: The Meanest Trade in Blaseball appeared first on Blaseball News Network.