Season CE2 of Blaseball brought us the meteoric rise of the now suddenly estimable (#1 in the previous power ranking) Hellmouth Sunbeams, and their exciting win over the Boston Flowers. In their wake, we suddenly have a surge of teams primed for some powerful streaks in Blaseball Season CE3. From the Finalist Flowers, still craving blood to water the Garden with, to the Magic, prepared for a full on evil heel turn, to the Wings and Shoe Thieves, both looking to recapture glory unbound.

Our crack team of writers, estimators, reporters, bloggers, and stlatisticians put in more effort than ever, with a renewed focus on topical, direct pieces for each team and another record for power ranking submissions: 33 in total! In this Coronation Era of Blaseball, the Blaseball News Network continues to evolve and grow thanks to our writers, contributors, and supporters. With all that being said, it’s time for the Season CE3 Power Ranking:

On to the HUBRIS!

24. Hades Tigers [-4]

Hubris Index: 2.32

The Hades Tigers season (2) of nightmares started off with our best batter Zephyr McCloud leaving due to his Curse, rendering our bats as cold as the vacuum of space, an omen for the horrendous season to come. And horrendous it was, as the Tigers led the league in incinerated players with three beloved players (RIV Velasquez Alstott, Steals Mondegreen, and rookie Leandra Beech) being incinerated.

The Tigers now have the worst batting in the league, and no amount of Stevenson Heat defense or Grit Freeman pitching can make up for that. On the bright side, the aforementioned Grit Freeman really stepped it up this season, and Elip Dean played a bit better as well! Jackson and Caper, our best pitchers from the prior season, both had weak seasons, but a bounce back is not out of the question.

With our league-best defense and alright pitching, the election was the perfect place to fix our batting problem and catapult our team to success, and if we won batting boost we’d be all set!

We didn’t win anything.

The Tigers stagger out of the election empty-handed and with numerous wounds in need of licking. The future looks bleak, season 3 will not be a good one for the Tigers, but they will play valiantly nonetheless, and the Tigers give up as often as they look back. Never. For now, just hope for the safety of our beloved players and hope for blessings.

-benoak1999

23. Tokyo Lift [-1]

Hubris Index: 2.00

Lift bad. Sorry for exploding your guy, Worms! Other than that, we didn’t win anything. Having been one of the worst teams in both NEW Season 1 and NEW Season 2, expect worse in NEW Season 3.

-otterpopd

22. Houston Spies [-8]

Hubris Index: 2.32

The Spies are not getting a Golden Record this season. Last season’s campaign was waylaid by Experimentation, as Houston became the first team to accumulate all four player modifications. Terrell Bradley’s Alternation and Rivers Rosa’s incineration delivered two large hits to the Spies, moving a .500 team to the basement of Evil. Ser Sevgi is Questing, but it will take more than a few side quests to double last season’s paltry 27 wins and reach playoff consideration.

Entering Season 3, the Spies have the 3rd lowest average pitching and the 4th lowest batting in the League, both barely over 2.5 stars. The election proved this point by cursing Scratch Deleuze, whose surely swift removal from the lineup will improve these averages to…slightly more than barely over 2.5 stars, respectively. So no, the Spies are not going to Win by acquiring more wins than other teams, and may face the franchise’s first Party Time hosting assignment (we hope you like beige).

No, the goal this season is to Win by Further Experimentation. Their 74% vote share for Knight Strike was the standout performance of the Election, and they have garnered the Strike Two team modification for their trouble. Spies remain committed to pushing for Strike Three, since apparently playing Blaseball will not be this Blaseball team’s strong suit for the foreseeable future. Whether by strike out, shut out or black out, the Spies’ future appears to be [REDACTED].

-Lilienne

21. New York Millennials [-]

Hubris Index: 3.65

Something happened to the Millennials! Ren Hunter gained the benefits of the Ball Hawk blessing, giving them a wider range of defensive options. With a Rogue Ump favor for Jana Beats and Ryuji Ngozi’s Alternate into a slightly better batter, I think the Millennials’ fortunes are turning for the better. Though, we’re still pretty bad. This is not the early Expansion Era, when pitching was our thing. Bennett Bluesky can’t do it all by themselves.

I can only hope the roving Band will stay on the Millennials’ playlist to drag us up the Standings.

–Clip Clipperson

20. Ohio Worms [-2]

Hubris Index: 3.09

Nothing interesting happens in Ohio.

We started this season with the previous elections … in which we won nothing. The team was not improved; other teams in the division were. We had five equally subpar pitchers, an uneven lineup, and a defense that leans up against the wrong fence so often you’d think there was a George Thorogood song written about them. I declared us to be terrible, and expected to have the worst record in the league. I’m fairly sure that the team won one more game than the Lift just to spite me, despite going 2-4 in the season against them.

This season, the Umpires played their Favorites and Cursed and Swore their way through the league. Well, most of the league: Winnie Hess dodged the Bard’s curse and parried the Knight’s swear. Badgerson Stromboli also parried the Knight. Yawn.

Then, for the 2nd consecutive δ season, the Worms failed to win a blessing. No changes. Wait, what’s that you say? Because the LIFT won a Blessing, we incinerated bottom 10% ERA pitcher Johnnyboy Aster? Maybe we have addition by subtraction? Let’s check the replacement pitcher, Luis Baron. Hrm, looks like Luis’ pitching attributes are closest statistically to Sandie Carver’s. So let’s compare Johnnyboy and Sandie:

Aster: 6.47 ERA, 2.5 HR/9, Opp. BA: .311
Carver: 6.78 ERA, 2.4 HR/9, Opp. BA: .307

Prediction? 33-57, one game worse than last season. Why?

Because nothing interesting happens in Ohio.

–Ifhbiff

19. Core Mechanics [-10]

Hubris Index: 3.69

The Mechs are bad. Firstly, a tough schedule and the extent of the buffs revealed, the Mechanics started this season struggling and never fully recovered despite an incredible new league record shutout of 23-0 against the Firefighters on Day 73.

The Mechanics seemingly have a history with the Mage Umpire who proceeded to alternate three Mechanics players. Two of these were relatively fine: Neerie McCloud seemingly became a worse pitcher, but a far better baserunner and fielder. Niu Chen, after alternation, became the Mechs’ best defender at the cost of their ability to hit the ball.

The main headline though was Sheri Friday’s alternation, ranked 8th best batter by BNN last season. They are now the worst batter in the Mechanics’ lineup. The team’s brightest star was taken out by a Mage Strike.

Finally, a cruel ironic twist of fate in the Election gave the Mechanics the Mage Strike blessing. The blessing gave the team its first strike, while the Spies’ Knight Strike has sent Chibodee Alighieri on a quest in the shadows.

Ultimately, this season will be placed alongside the disastrous Season 21 as a season to be moved on from but not forgotten. The Mechs find themselves on their own quest, standing in the face of adversity, in need of an extensive rebuild, and an Umpire standing in their way.

-CraftedRobot

18. Chicago Firefighters [+6]

Hubris Index: 4.00

Anything can happen in Blaseball. In Season 2 of the Coronation Era, that means the Chicago Firefighters, previously in contention for worst in the league, can finish with a 41-49 record, placing 3rd 4th in the Awful Evil division. With Nerd Pacheco and two other midfielders (literally) stacking the field and pitchers Don Elliot (2.87 ERA) and Karato Rangel (3.22 ERA) holding down the fort, Chicago’s defense is making up for it’s, frankly, awful batting.

The Firefighters also dodged the worst of the new weather this season, with Yosh Carpenter parrying a Knight Umpire’s swear and Ralph Vincent being alternated twice, seeing an overall improvement in stars when the dust settled.

The Season 2 elections gave Chicago the Dark Matter blessing, adding 5 players to the Firefighters’ shadows including 3.5 star batter Oscar Hollywood and 3.5 star pitcher Grit Watson. The Firefighters also came out unscathed from the 3 strike blessings won by other Awful Evil teams.

All in all, the Chicago Firefighters haven’t changed much going into Season 3, a benefit in their strike heavy division. I guess some things in Blaseball do stay the same. After all, We Are From Chicago. We Are Always From Chicago.

-Luna (TheoreticalBartender#3559)

17. Dallas Steaks [-]

Hubris Index: 3.37

The Dallas Steaks… my mortal enemy. In the middle of writing this, one of my doors broke, so I had to go to Lowe’s to pick up a new handle to put back on the door.

The Steaks are not dissimilar to me and my door. A broken handle (our bad luck) is holding back my perfectly fine door (our okay stats)! Another week without a blessing leaves us in an extremely similar position to last season. Except that last season, the Steaks pulled it together in the latter half, to play what I thought they would, .500. Somehow, Steaks took their bottom of the division performance in the beginning of the season, and, WITH ONE SINGLE EVENT FROM THE UMPS, became a semi-formidable team. Hell, our opening 3 games were a Crabs Sweep, and Crabs Kinda Good!

But, like my broken handle— hey where’s my internet. DAMNIT! More bad luck. Steaks bad next season. Bad luck abides.

–Ophelia

16. Philly Pies [-1]

Hubris Index: 2.64

“Roll out the crust, get ready to cheer,
Philly Pies, we’re loud and clear!
We’ll hit it out, we’ll steal the base,
Philly Pies, we’re in this race!”

The Philadelphia Pies Blaseball Team is gearing up for a new season, and the energy and enthusiasm around the club are palpable. Despite ending last season 5th in Awful Good with a 42-48 record, placing them in the middle of the pack compared to the rest of the league, the Pies remain strangely optimistic about their chances to claim the championship this season.

However, the recent election of the Bard Umpire as the new Crew Chief could be a hindrance to the Pies’ success. The Bard Umpire favored Scattered Teams during the last season, and the Pies, who are Entangled, may be at a disadvantage against their already powerful division rivals, the Sunbeams and the Shoe Thieves, who are both Scattered teams.

The Philadelphia Pies also enter the new season without any additional blessings. Despite this setback, the team remains optimistic about their chances on the field. However, with several challenging teams in their league and division, as well as the possibility of facing an unfavorable Crew Chief, the Pies’ competition this season may be limited to securing Party Time. Despite the challenges ahead, the team remains committed to its motto of “Pie or Die” and is determined to make a strong showing in the coming season.

-Mallery, Knight Reporter

15. Baltimore Crabs [-3]

Hubris Index: 2.84

I think it’s safe to say, even without being inside the Crab’s Compound, that Season 2 didn’t live up to its potential. A scan of new “star” batter Tiera Wigdoubt’s events in the season show that though the near-maxed out batter is great at making contact (and is in the top 30 in walks), they struggle to hit the ball out of the infield. Tiera, in fact, managed to hit 0 home runs despite a ferocity of .903. She’s still a good batter, just not the elite you’d hope for as a blessing result.

So going into Season 3, are the Crabs good or are the Crabs bad? It’s hard to say. They’re in a division that keeps getting more competitive between the Sunbeams, Shoe Thieves, and Dale, and seem to be on the cusp of the playoffs despite some of the rougher schedules. At the same time, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone expecting this squad to take the field on Saturday.

I think one of the most interesting things about the Crabs is something they share with my team, the Sunbeams. With last season’s Power Rankings, there were exactly two teams that were hit exactly by the BNN average. The Sunbeams at #1 and the Crabs at #12. Until this team forges an identity, I think that’s likely where they’ll stay. So when it comes to Crabs good or Crabs bad, I’ll simply say the following:

Crabs Crabs.

–Panda

14. LA Unlimited Tacos [+9]

Hubris Index: 4.86

Upward trajectory. Having literally 3 of the worst 10 hitters in the league (Nigel Candy, Erin Beanbag and Pernelongo al-Wazir), winning the Batting Boost is a much welcome improvement.

While Soojin Gloom (RIV) will be missed, their replacement Piper Legume has already turned fans’ heads, and the boost won’t hurt their case either. Any similarities in moniker to Beta Taco Peanut Bong are purely coincidental, I’m told. The pitching might be mediocre (at best), and the defence holier than Swiss cheese, but this lineup can rake now.

–DeeJay and Benjy

13. Seattle Garages [-5]

Hubris Index: 3.38

Wait, you’re telling me we didn’t win anything? Huh, okay.

Garages are okay. We definitely aren’t making it to the playoffs, unless the Umps really don’t like the other teams in our division and our bestie the Rogue Ump decides to finally favor us. Maybe we will be late to party time though?

Season 2 was a dispassionate creature for the Garages. The shadowing of star batter Chambers Simmons definitely played a part in the team just falling short of a .500 record at the end of the season, and although he Found A Heart and became perhaps the best player in the entire league, it’s of no help to the team if he’s stuck on the sidelines.

Guess Who’s Thwack didn’t carry the team into the playoffs quite as easily as many fans hoped, many attributing it to perhaps the most difficult schedule of the season. Regardless of everything else, at least the election was kind to the team in one small way: by not hitting them with one of the many strikes that were available this season. Garages haven’t gotten worse, everyone else is just getting better. Which is kinda the same thing.

-vivi

12. Canada Moist Talkers [+7]

Hubris Index: 3.52

With an unimpressive 37-53 overall record for the Season 2, normally the Talkers would be looking for an unimpressive Season 3. But with some luck from the blessing, the Talkers have managed the 5th best running and league best defense. Khulan Sagaba leads the league’s running, while Jay Camacho does the same for defense. The Filth Zone has returned, and your players will learn that they do, in fact, hate it here.

That’s not to say the Talkers are championship ready. There are still a few notable problems, but batter Scott Gray will be looking to send the team’s offense to victory, while pitcher Eris Street looks to do the same from the mound. Abner Pothos also exists, although no one can tell what the spit changed yet.

The Talkers are looking to rebound for Season 3, so be prepared.

-The Den

Moist Talkers… Wimd? This season we had Khulan Sagaba get a modest favour from an Umpire, Tad Seeth dodging an Umpire swear AND an Umpire curse and… Well, not much else really. Our schedule had a quarter of our games against strong teams like the Sunbeams, Flowers, and Magic, and our batting is still pretty uppy downy, Simon Haley is still questing, and nothing else really hit us. We did win Wind Sprints but, its as they say, nothing ever happens to the Moist Talkers (hubris).

-Artemis (Post Office)

11. Broken Ridge Jazz Hands [-1]

Hubris Index: 3.36

In Season 2, the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands rode our strong offense and league average pitching to a solid finish – 2nd in Awful Evil, and 5th in the Evil League. However, along the way we were devastated by weather, and failed to win any blessings in the Election. A true Jazz standard.

Sigmund Castillo and Bonk Jokes were previously two of our best batters, with Bonk also being one of our only competent defenders. Now, Sigmund has embarked on a Can’t Lose journey across the league, and Bonk has been Alternated into a worse hitter and much worse defender. Our defense, which was already among the weakest in the league, is now even worse, and our diminished hitting and rotation of aspiring ground ball pitchers don’t give much reason to feel hopeful.

With the Bard ump’s forthcoming reign unlikely to benefit the Rogue aligned Jazz Hands, Season 2 will likely remain the our best performance in the Coronation Era for some time. Jazz, it seems, is really all about the playoffs you don’t make.

-deafhobbit

10. San Francisco Lovers [+6]

Hubris Index: 3.80

WOO! WE WON A BLESSING!! LET’S GO ALL THE– wait….

Alvie’s Magnetic Fielder blessing (and resultant 1.1 Magnet) should definitely mean some improvement in her ability to convert attempts to outs; although her unchanged Reach of .02 means she probably won’t make more attempts than this season, at about two per game, so it’ll be fairly minimal. On top of that, the Lovers already boasted a strong defense– 4th in the league in efficiency rating– so while this improvement is nice, it wasn’t sorely needed.

The team’s batting also took baby steps, although these were made during the season. Ramiel Jang’s lineup spot was refilled (RIV) and vacated by Muna Sichanta (Knightspeed!). This shorter roster gave more plate appearances to the team’s stronger hitters, like Kesh, Kingbird, and the newly-favored Baek.

Unfortunately, the good news ends before we reach pitching. Don’t be fooled by the rotation’s records; despite 4 shutouts, Durham Spaceman was 4th in the league for BB9; despite an 11-7 record, and Donia Dollie’s 9-9 record hides an abysmal 6.49 ERA. Neither of these players saw improvements this season, in the election or otherwise, and the pitching staff will still lean heavily on fielding and offensive support.

Season 2’s playoff-level performance is definitely exciting, and don’t get me wrong, we could definitely see that again; but without an easy schedule to help them as the league improves around them, it’s unlikely that San Francisco will Go All The Way in NEW! Season 3.

-Clair Mcrlwain, 4FM the KISS

9. Kansas City Breath Mints [-4]

Hubris Index: 3.75

It’s a tale as old as time: the Mints have the best pitching in the league, and it doesn’t matter because none of our batters want to hit the ball.

Our team ERA of 3.44 and WHIP of 1.038 are the lowest in the league. Three of the top five pitchers by WHIP and by ERA are Breath Mints, and our worst pitcher still has WHIP below 1.5. By pitching alone, this is a team that should stroll into the play-offs, and take a ring in a good year.

And then you look at our batting. Gods, what a mess. Our team has some bright spots – Brooklyn Nottingham is not only a stellar defender, but was our best batter last season with an OPS of 1.049. Hot on their heels is Stretch Sutton, with an OPS of 1.016, and Mindy Kugel could also have had OPS over 1 by the season’s end, had they not been squashed by Ayanna Dumpington.

And then the rest. A third of our line-up, including Dumpington, have BAs below 0.200. And while Dumpington had the decency to play 8th in the line-up, Jesse Tredwell was 3rd and an absolute curse. A free out for the other side, and completely miserable to watch.

The good news is that we won Yeet, and Jesse is off the team – so things are looking up for Kansas City. We’re unlikely to win a ring this season, but if Vernon Glump is even a slight improvement, it could make a huge difference.

-Finn

8. Miami Dale [+5]

Hubris Index: 2.27

Once a “16th place” meme, the Dale have quietly risen to the top third of the league in the new era of Blaseball. They didn’t have a dominant season in Season 2, but with winning records against the Crabs, Mechanics, Breath Mints and Lovers, and a respectable 8-10 season split with the very talented Shoe Thieves, this is a team to watch.

They win quietly despite their party aesthetic, relying on a solid defense (with two above-average defenders on the right side of the outfield in Serge Shortvat and Lottie Yoshida), capable pitching staff and a lineup led by Joe Voorhees (20 homers, .330 batting average) and Yurts Buttercup (26 homers, .318 average).

I don’t think we can count on the Dale winning a title quite yet, but don’t be surprised to see only partying in Miami this season coming in the form of a Post Season celebration.

–Firewall Andrews

7. Atlantis Georgias [-1]

Hubris Index: 1.66

Heading into Season 3, the Georgias look poised to once again claim the Awful Evil division title, with the same formula they’ve had the past two seasons: solid offence, a good pitcher or two, a middling defence, and, well, Justin Alstott. Unfortunately, being the most Awful Evil team in the league probably won’t be enough to win a championship just yet.

-boat

6. Hawai’i Fridays [+2]

Hubris Index: 3.49

The Fridays’ performance this era is looking like an exponential curve, and that means by season 4 we’ll have 16 wins, right?

Seriously though, I thought the Fridays were supposed to be chill. How is our defense so aggressively good? How did we end the season having given up the the third least runs in the whole league? How did we end the season tied for fifth best record in the league? How did we make it to the semi final, knocking out the Wild Wings, even after our best batter was alternated? (We miss you Elijah Valenzuela. Welcome to the world, Elijah Valenzuela!). In the face of an unpredictable umpire onslaught, we stayed incredibly consistent. And our blessing last season didn’t even make a big difference, it hit a pitcher’s defensive stats.

All of this leads me to conclude the Fridays are just good. I’m proud to call Hawai’i my team. That first semifinal game against the Sunbeams was a real joy to watch. Win or won’t we vibe, of course but bring on the wins please! Friday night magic final season 3, anyone?

–Kaz

The Fridays are good? Maybe? We surprised even ourselves by being postseason contenders in Coronation Era so far, but with the Mage Umpire alternating 2 of our players to make them worse hitters, we are left wanting. The alternation of Elijah is a particularly bitter blow, as our Offensive strength now hinges almost entirely on Justice Spoon. This, combined with our best defenders being Buried and on Rotation, makes it unclear how we will fair against the rest of our division going into Season 3*. We appreciate your estimations, but know that win or lose, we will vibe.

-elle, local friend and crab, lifeguard

5. Mexico City Wild Wings [-2]

Hubris Index: 2.36

In game 28, Baldwin Jones was incinerated, to be replaced by Baker Caster. Baldwin Jones (OPS 1.336) was replaced by Baker Caster (OPS 0.517). Baldwin Jones (Wings scored 9.2 runs per game) was replaced by Baker Caster (Wings scored 6.1 runs per game). Baldwin Jones (Wings went 23-5) was replaced by Baker Caster (Wings went 36-29).

In the elections, Baker Caster (OPS+ 62.8) was replaced by Atma Blueberry (Season 1 OPS+ 122.1). Atma’s no Baldwin, but they’re a lot better than Baker. The Wings keep having to work hard to not fall to earth like Icarus, but they still should have done enough to find themselves in the top third of the league.

–Spludge237

4. Charleston Shoe Thieves [-2]

Hubris Index: 1.31

A bolstered Kit Adamses is the only major change for the Thieves this offseason, and that suits Charleston just fine. This roster returns some of the top talent in ILB across the board, with a top 10 offense by OPS in Season 2, a top five ERA/FIP pitching staff that should only get better with Adamses’ newfound command, and the league’s best defensive player in Penelope Berkowitz patrolling the midfield.

Charleston needs to take a step forward against its main rivals, as it stumbled a bit when facing the Dale, Sunbeams and Flowers, their three biggest competitors in the Good conference against whom the Thieves went a combined 16-20. But that does mean they went 43-14 against the rest of ILB, so a few more close wins and clutch hits and we could see the Shoe Thieves be Dangerous in the Post Season once again in Season 3.

–Firewall Andrews

3. Boston Flowers [+8]

Hubris Index: 3.03

The Boston Flowers crashed their way into the Postseason, swept the Charleston Shoe Thieves, went to war with the Yellowstone Magic, and finally fell to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in an intense series that saw the first three games all end with a one-run differential.

Seeking to run it back, they’ve won the Strong Start Blessing, empowering their offensive capabilities. Their lineup now features four heavy hitting batters in a row, all with a BA of 0.3 or above – Duha Kamara (21st in Hits), Zack Sanders (2nd in Hits, 3rd in Doubles, 3rd in Triples, 3rd in Home Runs), Dervin Gorczyca (4th in Doubles,9th in Triples), and Zelda Highway (9th in Doubles, 29th in Triples).

For those keeping track, that means that three of the top 10 league leaders in Doubles are now batting directly one after the other, no longer held back by choke artists Skylar Khan and Jessica Telephone. Incidentally, Jessica Telephone, who now bats last for Boston, had a mere 0.242 BA in Season 2 but the 6th most Triples.

The Flowers aren’t a one trick pony either; they’re fifth or better by Average Stars in every single Skill Category. Scary.

The taste of victory still fresh, the Boston Flowers are hungry and determined. This time they may not be satisfied by a mere second-place finish.

–Kidror

2. Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams [-1]

Hubris Index: 4.24

The Sunbeams were estimated to win the second season’s championship and surprisingly did! Does this mean our curse is lifted? Well, no…but also yes? The Beams’ ridiculously high offense stayed the same all season as well as the election. None of the players got dropped on, incinerated, alternated or cursed, but we did gain a new player in Özlem Suttner during the last game vs the Flowers. Their Can’t Lose mod dropped when the Sunbeams won the championship, so Özlem will be staying with us, it seems. They’re a Sunbeam through and through with good batting and terrible defense. Welcome to the team!

Learn to Defend hit player Guozhi Ong. On the surface, the reroll may look bad. However, this could mean they’ll do less but do better at fielding. This would allow our better defender Cory Ross more fielding opportunities. That’s the only blessing that targeted the Sunbeam’s bad defense. But who cares though baby!! The best defense is the best offense. Plenty of matches against other teams ended in tight games with the Sunbeams out-scoring opponents by one or few runs. Can our offense still carry us or will our luck soon run out?

Overall, expect the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams performance to be the same in NEW Season 3. One thing’s guaranteed, we’ll definitely be seeing them again in the postseason.

–Hazel Cooper

1. Yellowstone Magic [+3]

Hubris Index: 1.78

After 26 painstaking seasons, the Yellowstone Magic has improved Pitching and Defense.

The NEW S2 Postseason pitching performance is never happening again.

We can’t throw the blame solely on Pippin Carpenter’s shoddy Game 3 performance; the whole rotation struggled. Magic’s pitching just didn’t have the Stuff needed to keep batters down. The only postseason teams to pitch more H/9 were the Atlantis Georgias, whom we won against because of bats, and the Sunbeams, who could outhit every team in the league. We had higher team WHIP and BAA than the rest of the semifinalists (Beams excluded), and it was inevitably Yellowstone’s downfall.

However, it’s over! Magic has improved Pitching and Defense, and (barring any weather-related horrors or terrible bandwagoners) the odds may have turned…

To back that up, we have what is arguable some of the most explosive bats in the ILB, or at least in the Evil League. In particular, Demet Cabrera and Kiki (Deliveries and Receiving) Avci are some of THE BEST lineup players in the league, and DeAndre O’Possum, with that magically disrupting apostrophe isn’t too shabby, either. Yellowstone semi-regularly ran up double digit runs on their opponents through Season CE2, expect that to continue.

This is the season, full HUBRIS mode, now is the time for Yellowstones epic heel turn. Magic Goo? No, MAGIC EVIL! MAGIC VIAL!

It’s OUR turn to be the bad guys. SPELLS OUT Yellowstone, let’s make the ILB fear us!

–Nate and Dan

The post Blaseball Season CE3 Power Ranking: Magic and Mayhem Edition appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

I am sure if you asked any Sunbeams fan how they’re feeling about the second season of Blaseball’s new Coronation Era, they’d tell you they’re a bit nervous about all the attention they’re getting.

But the attention is for good reason, as one of the league’s top teams spent the election getting stronger and seems poised to have a great season. After finishing Season N1 with a record of 66-24, the Beams swept the Miami Dale only to stumble and have their kicks taken by the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the second round of the Post Season. But that’s the same Charleston team that finished below the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams in the Awful Good division during the Regular Season.

So, what should we expect from the Estimated Sunbeams and the rest of Blaseball in this upcoming season in the Coronation Era? Here’s a preview of every division, including our panel of power rankers’ predictions for how each division will finish.

Awful Good

Predicted order of finish:

1. Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams (No. 1 overall)
2. Charleston Shoe Thieves (No. 2 overall)
3. Baltimore Crabs (No. 12 overall)
4. Miami Dale (No. 13 overall)
5. Philly Pies (No. 15 overall)
6. Hades Tigers (No. 20 overall)

While this writer (Firewall Andrews) thinks the Shoe Thieves are the best team in the league, most of our rankings panel picked the Sunbeams, so they get the top spot in the division prediction. However, the panel did put these teams at the top of the overall rankings together, so expect a close fight and a serious title run from whichever team wins the division.

Beyond the two powerhouses, there are three middling teams in the Crabs, Dale and Pies. Miami made the playoffs and saw its roster shuffled a bit with randomized players, but it remains to be seen if they improved enough to take a big step forward in Season 2. The Crabs added the best batter in the Black Hole, but that alone won’t be enough to shore up their roster, and they should struggle to keep up with the Sunbeams and Thieves. The Pies have a solid but unspectacular team destined for a middle-of-the-road finish.

And the Tigers have Zephyr McCloud, who is very good, but will also be very interesting to watch given their curse. So this is a division with lots of great storylines entering the new season.

Chaotic Good

Predicted order of finish:

1. The Kansas City Breath Mints (No. 5 overall)
2. Boston Flowers (No. 11 overall)
3. San Francisco Lovers (No. 16 overall)
4. Canada Moist Talkers (No. 19 overall)
5. New York Millennials (No. 21 overall)
6. LA Unlimited Tacos (No. 23 overall)

The Mints were one of four teams to go over 60 wins in Season 1 and return a solid roster that went unchanged in the offseason. They bump down to No. 5 overall following a fourth-place overall finish as the Yellowstone Magic are projected to jump them in overall standing based on our panel’s picks. I’m not so sure, and I think the Mints should coast to another 60-win season and playoff berth (birth? is that still a thing?).

The Flowers grew as a group over the offseason via the election and are a team with a lot of promise. This could be one of the top pitching and defense teams in the splort, and I think No. 11 overall is a bit low for Boston. They might give the Mints some trouble but likely finish as a runner-up with a solid shot at the playoffs alongside the Thieves, Beams and Mints.

The rest of this division is going to struggle, especially with all the games they’re going to have to play against Kansas City and Boston. None of the teams really got any better in the offseason, and the Moist Talkers losing Simon Haley probably makes them a good bit worse. The Season 2 elections will be very important for these four squads.

Awful Evil

Predicted order of finish:

1. Atlantis Georgias (No. 6 overall)
2. Core Mechanics (No. 9 overall)
3. Broken Ridge Jazz Hands (No. 10 overall)
4. Houston Spies (No. 14 overall)
5. Dallas Steaks (No. 18 overall)
6. Chicago Firefighters (No. 24 overall)

This is definitely a division to watch, as any of four teams could realistically pick up the division title in Season 2. The favorites are definitely Atlantis, with a solid pitching staff and long-time blaseballer Beck Whitney leading a good offense.

But the Core Mechanics have an optimized lineup and promising pitching of their own, the Jazz Hands got a big pitching boost in the offseason to support that was top 10 in OPS a season ago, and the Spies are long shots, but Terrell Bradley’s alternate is still quite the player and the offense in Houston can hit.

Hello, Steaks!

And the poor Firefighters not only missed out on team-improving blessings, but got tossed a terrible batter by a Houston wimdy of a blessing. Sorry, Chicago.

Chaotic Evil

Predicted order of finish:

1. Mexico City Wild Wings (No. 3 overall)
2. Yellowstone Magic (No. 4 overall)
3. Seattle Garages (No. 7 overall)
4. Hawai’i Fridays (No. 8 overall)
5. Ohio Worms (No. 18 overall)
6. Tokyo Lift (No. 22 overall)

If the Awful Evil is “a division to watch,” this is “THE division to watch.” Loaded with four of our top 10 teams in the power rankings, the Chaotic Evil will see the Wild Wings, downgraded by some awful misfortune and a noteworthy incineration, chased by the upgraded Magic and Garages and the slightly shored up Fridays.

These are four genuinely good teams and it’s hard to pick a favorite, because most of what we knew about the dominant Wild Wings team of a season ago is not going to be there to start this season. James Boy does return, but without Fletcher Peck and Anastasia Isarobot on the main roster, it’s left the door wide open for Kiki Avci and the Magic to make a real run at a division title.

Don’t count out the Garages or Fridays, who both finished ahead of the Magic last season, and while their blessings might not have seemed as flashy and fun as the one Yellowstone got, I wouldn’t say either team should be discounted as a true contender for this division.

The post Blaseball Season CE2 Preview: Estimating the Sunbeams appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Compiled by Cat Stlats

Season N1 gave us so much to consider, and not just stars and stats, but rules, regulations, and finally seeing how the game is going to be approached in this new era. With the season and finals in the books, it’s time for our seasonal Power Rankings, and what Power Rankings these are!

With the additional time available between seasons, our writers stepped up in every way, with networking out to more new contributors, a quality of analysis, and the largest number of power rankings ever submitted (TWENTY SEVEN)! Thank you everyone for that, you are all BNN. With that, a quick reminder that teams will be ranked by tiers, from Awful to Good, with a Hubris Index to show how much the writers agree (the lower the Hubris Index, the more the Writers agreed). All Estimations are the opinions of BNN and not stated as fact. That is, other than the Sunbeams, because this is the season of the Beams, and even Panama Dan knows it. This is your Season N2 Power Rankings, happy Blaseballing!

Awful

Chicago Firefighters

Hubris Index: 1.28

Listen, I’ve been with this team since Season 2 of Beta, so I’m going to level with you. The Firefighters don’t look good. They look maybe the worst they ever have. We came into Season N1 with amazing losing record, and quickly realized that we had two options: Improve, or Plateau.

In true Chicago fashion, we have had a third, worse answer thrust upon us: Get Worse. The [REDACTED] Houston Spies have delivered unto us Shaquille Torres, who, despite improving our batting by .2 stars overall, is still awful. This also extends the lineup so our semi-competent batters (citation needed) hit the ball even less.

Not to be dramatic, but Chicago is doomed. Our offense is bad, our defense is middling, our pitching is bad. We will pray again for blessings, but without Wills we simply have limited tools to enact change upon our team. For those of you with a sense of love and care in your hearts, I urge you to stop your reading here.

For those of you who are sickos like me, we can only pray that Season N2 brings with it a volley of Eclipse weather so we can roll these clowns again and pray for Wild Wings like results.

That’s Chicago Sports, baby!

–Riley H (@ChiBlaseball)

Los Angeles Unlimited Tacos

Hubris Index: 1.92

Last place in our subleague, thankfully Relegation doesn’t pass. We whiff on blessings to potentially improve two of the worst hitters in the league, Wanda Pothos and Moses Simmons. Wait no…Nigel Candy and Pernelongo al Wazir. There we go.

The best Taco pitcher (Sexton Wheeler, sorry I meant Tot Best) is slightly above average and would be last on some rotations in the league. Most of all we have Comfort Glover Yulia Skitter who would be much better suited at bat than on the mound and Patel Beyonce Jenkins Good who would be much better suited on the mound than at bat.

Overall, there is nothing NEW about the Tacos NEW Season 1 and the expectation is that our NEW Season 2 would be more of the same checks history book so, a slightly improved record but still one of the worst teams in the league according to this. Yeah, that seems correct.

–DeeJay

My esteemed colleague DeeJay’s assessment is mostly accurate, with one minor quibble: there’s no way the Tacos’ record is gonna improve.

–Benjy

Tokyo Lift

Hubris Index: 1.85

Lift bad.

After beating the firefighters to partytime and then playing like Hall to not be in the path of Relegation just in case, the Lift managed to win a blessing! Unfortunately, it’ll take more than one blessing to fix whatever’s happening in Tokyo, but fortunately we made our worst batter Red Hot, whatever that does. Suffice to say, we will be closer to party than parade for a long while.

-Spotter Pandora

New season, new universe, same party time host. I am inclined to say the Lift were robbed. I’d like to see what would happen if YOUR team played peak Mexico City 21 times!

Lift have a decent batting core with a few holes that fail to capitalize on opportunities. Pitching is fine. Gumdrop can’t seem to hold onto a ball to save their life. They aren’t the greatest team in the league, but Tokyo certainly isn’t the worst.

What the heck is a zone?

-Malst

New York Millennials

Hubris Index: 1.48

Nothing happened to the Millennials. Maybe that’s a good thing? Zephyr McCloud now “Cannot Lose”. Simon Haley went on a “Quest”. Terrell Bradley was Alternated. Former Firefighters Shadow and Wild Wings MVP Anastasia Isarobot was Incinerated.

From our first Season of the new Era, Ren Hunter was our top defender. Hernando Winter was our best hitter. Bennett Bluesky was our best pitcher. Best is relative, of course. This is a Team with a lot of work to do. Nothing happens to the Millennials.

The only element of note appears to be the potential recruitment of former Jazz Hand and brief Tiger (through a Feedback dance with Famous Owens at the Pocket’s LCD Soundsystem) Spears Rogers, who was seen falling to the Millennials/Lovers on Game 24.

Maybe Spears Rogers will be found.

Maybe Enhanced Party Time will arrive.

Maybe the Millennials will win a Blessing.

Maybe something will happen to the Millennials in Season N2.

–Clip Clipperson

Hades Tigers

Hubris Index: 2.89

Well, the team from WAY down under did not start off the NEW* era very well, finishing last in the second-worst division in Blaseball and posting an uncharacteristically poor record.

On the bright side, Mehdi Caper posted the best ERA in the league, Stevenson Heat is easily one of the best fielders in the league, and Zephyr McCloud had a solid power hitting season. In addition, the Tigers were lucky enough to have the best defense in terms of stats in the entire league!

On the not-so-bright side, the Tigers have three bad pitchers, some of the most atrocious hitting in the league, and are in a division with the Shoe Thieves, the defending champions who now have the best pitcher in the league, the Beams, who have far and away the best hitting in the league, the Crabs, who have the best batter in the league, and the Dale, a season N1 playoff team that improved some of their weaker players. And also the Pies, I guess.

In the election, the Tigers won the ‘Yeet’ blessing, sending their worst player, Eddie Tumblehome, into the black hole, or, uh, Philly I guess. The black hole supposedly burped out Frazier Tosser in return, but several sources have confirmed that he is buried under an inordinate amount of sand, and will need some time getting unburied. Plus, the opening of the book led to Zephyr McCloud gaining the modification ‘Can’t Lose,’ which means that he cannot lose. Surely this can only be a good thing! After all, nothing bad has ever happened to the Hades Tigers.

Expect more of the same in season N2 for the Tigers. At best they’ll do alright, at worst, uh oh. Fortunately, with some smart election planning and a little luck, the Tigers can start building their team around their stronger pieces like Caper, Jackson, and McCloud. It won’t happen right away, but success may not be far off for this NEW* Tigers team.

-benoak1999

One blind jump into the River Styx later and Hades comes out all the worse for wear in the conclusion of NEW Season One. I was really anxious about their future prospects. Boasting one of the highest defensive rosters in the league and an invaluable fielder in the form of Stevenson Heat, it looked like the Tigers were set to defend the gates of Taenarum with the fury of a wild animal. Yet within the same breath, the Tigers also showed off just how inoffensive their lineup really was. If it wasn’t for Zephyr McCloud, I don’t think the Tigers would have broken triple digit runs this season. In a particularly Ancient Grecian twist of fate, the very player that ended other teams’ offenses was also the ender of their own offensive pushes. And while the Trojan Wall of the Tiger’s defense was strong, it showed off some gaping, gift-horse sized holes in the form of Pitcher Elip Dean.

But we can’t focus on the negatives for long. Tigers don’t look back, and the future is – as always – hopeful. With Eddie Tumblehome yeeted into the darkest pit beyond time and space (Philadelphia), Frazier Tosser steps up sporting a can-do attitude and a dream. Their division got tougher, but strong bats can’t crack a solid foundation for the future. Only poor, uncharitable fate can unwind this stripe-laden team. Amaya Jackson and Mehdi Caper are two incredible pitchers, and Grit’s only 4 of 12 Labors away from becoming the hero that will drag the Tigers to victory. And there’s hope still, in Adrian Melon, Gloria Bugsnax, Clyde Fetch and Velasquez Alstott – all sporting OBPs over .200 (trust me, this is a big deal for the Tigers right now). Getting out of the trenches might feel like a Sisyphean task, but the Tigers have risen before. They’ll do it again.

Good offense gets you through the regular season. But good defense is what carries you through postseason. You’re 50% there, Tigers.

Hell, we haven’t even talked about the best part! Didn’t you see? Their best batter, Zephyr McCloud, can’t lose! So don’t worry. I’m sure Zephyr will lead their team to a perfect 90-0 season.

I’m sure of it.

–Nate

Canada Moist Talkers

Hubris Index: 2.16

Faced with a grueling slog of losses in the early season, Talker fans told each other “well, our defense is really good”. When faced with a grueling slog of losses in the mid-season, Talker fans told each other “like, the defense is solid though”. When faced with an improved performance in the late season, Talker fans – downcast, but no less moist – were found huddled in damp groups talking about “wind sprints” and “running” and “I mean the defense is good and we got Khulan Sagaba, there’s Eris Street, Haley, just, maybe next season if we can…”

But side by side with the pessimism and the desperate coping mechanisms, no Talker fan failed to appreciate Tad Seeth, no Talker fan failed to cheer whenever Tad the Lad, the great gross hope, stepped up to the plate. And no player failed to pitch and bat their way into the moist hearts of Talker fans. Great games were won against tournament favorites the Mexico City Wild Wings and whimpering games were lost against the New York Millennials. In the end, it was a mixed season but the stands were covered in spit – the sacred fluid flowed generously and with enthusiasm was given.

The future is bright for the Talkers, we say happy travels to Simon Haley as she embarks for the shadows on her Simon Quest, and with wide, wet eyes we stare at Abner Pothos in hope that their pitch be true in the coming season.

-misella

Mild

Ohio Worms

Hubris Index: 2.94

There are lots of inevitables in Blaseball. The fans will Open the Forbidden Book. The Mills will get knocked out in the 1st round of playoffs. The Mints “just need to fix their offense”. The Jazz Hands will have seasons of silence followed by intense tragedy.

And the Worms will always have a pitcher that personifies my hatred.

Oh, it didn’t start off that specific. The debut Worms S13 pitching staff was historic as a full unit: 70% more walks than any other team in history.

Then it was the “garbage dumping” seasons: S14 gave us the 1-13, 9.32 ERA NaN, who also brought the most discourse and conflict ever to be seen in Worms chat. S15 was 4-16 Luis Acevedo, with a bloated 9.9 walks in 9 innings. But all this was just a precursor, as my first true Beloathed was there the entire time, just below the surface. Like the worst of warts, the barest of threadbares … there was Patchwork Southwick.

Patchwork Southwick is somehow the Worms all-time Wins leader. That’s also good for the highest Franchise Win Leader Percentage for any leader of any franchise. And yet, Mr. Patchy’s Wild Ride is a manifestation of contradictions: A four time 20 game winner who lost EVERY important LateSeason and PostSeason game they started. An Underhanded pitcher who gave up a mountain of runs to walks & hits. Patchwork always managed to be “the second worst problem on a team with a few problems”. Anyone who has read my rantings on Twitter, Discord or here on BNN knows my antagonistic relationship with Patchy. Then, Blaseball was Nullified.

Yet the inevitable didn’t stop. Throughout the Short Circuits, the Worms always manage to have that one pitcher I focused my anger upon. 8.90 ERA Esmerelda McCollard getting the ball over 1.71 ERA Ashby Swandre in Gamma 3. Operation: Skip Yahya getting all the way to the finals, only to have the final game of the final series go to Yahya Jupiter (247 BB, 6.69 ERA) in Gamma 4.

Now, we enter the Coronation Era. When NaN fell on the 1st week of Fall Ball, I was concerned. NaN’s slot went to the Rotation, but he Received a replacement! A fresh name, a new face, a blank slate! Plus we had Winnie Hess! I declared in last week’s Power Rankings that, finally, after all this time … pitching was not the Worms’ problem. I declared the inevitable to be dead. Which, of course, was HUBRIS.

I give you the NEW* NaN, the Patchier Patchwork, The Ohno of Yahyas: Nathaniel Wilds.

3-15, 5.70 ERA (5th worst in ILB), 6.76 BB/9 (2nd worst in ILB).

How I hate them so, SO MUCH. These Worms will be TERRIBLE.

–Ifhbiff

Dallas Steaks

Hubris Index: 1.89

HAHAHAHA HUBRIS! I WAS RIGHT!!!! STEAKS ARE BAD. But not as bad as I thought.

Vanille Okidoke turns out to be the powerful pinch hitter of the beta Steaks dream, hitting a blistering 28 homers, putting them in second in the league. Abner Wood and Agan Espinoza round out the hard hitters with serious Ferocity of their own. The rest of the lineup, where it fails in batting prowess, seriously makes up in the defense. With the third best defense in the league and three whole 4 star defensive players, and a rotation not to shake a stick at, hey wait what’s Archie doing there?

Sandie Carver, Case Lancaster, and the other Agan (Harrison) are all star pitchers in their own right. Sandie is a strikeout machine with a truly tremendous strikeout to walk ratio of 28.5, 5th in the league! Case is our ERA leader, only allowing an average of 1.9 runs per game!! And Agan… Agan was our winningest pitcher (.500), as well as our WHIPiest pitcher with a walk and hit per inning average of 0.827, 25th in the league! Dovydas Peeps, our fourth pitcher, still holds their own, with a WHIP of 1.000. So who is tanking the rotation?

Archie Lampman. 15th worst ERA (4.8), only won 5 games, 1.4 homeruns per game, and the funniest stat for my favorite little guy, 1.2 strikeouts for every walk. Archie isn’t just a bad pitcher, they’re a Funny pitcher.

Okay so, it would definitely be easy to overestimate our team, especially since our schedule last week was so tough. However, with our former teammate Zephyr McCloud taking the heel position this era, I will take the hint and say Steaks Bad.

-Ophelia (@DallasSteaks)

San Francisco Lovers

Hubris Index: 2.32

Let’s start with the good: Erin Jesaulenko is easily one of the best pitchers in the ILB. Alvie Kesh, likewise, was among the best hitters in NEW Season 1—and not too shabby on the field either. Speaking of defense, Olive Patel put in the work for the Lovers this past season, fielding more than any other Lovers’ defender while breaking the top twenty league-wide in Outs Above Average.

Yet, despite these strengths, Lovers still have much work to do. With the exceptions of Kesh, Kingbird, and Baek, their lineup is struggling to keep pace with league averages, let alone truly shining. Kesh, tied for ninth in the league in dingers in N1, is in the key position to drive runners home and help the Lovers score big, but Schenn and Jang (and Kingbird) need to get on base to make it happen.

The Lovers’ bigger problem though is Durham Spaceman and Donia Dollie. Simply put, neither one knows how to pitch, and together they account for a depressing forty percent of Lovers’ games. Blimp Hardison and Joshua Watson aren’t exactly stellar pitchers either (though Spaceman and Dollie make both look good in comparison), leaving it to Jesaulenko and the fielders to somehow make up for deep holes in the rotation.

This season probably won’t be the Lovers’ finest, but it certainly won’t be the worst in the franchise’s history either. With a bit of luck and some key improvements, perhaps this season could be the start of an eventual journey to the top for the Lovers.

-boat

Philly Pies

Hubris Index: 2.21

After the first Season of the new era of Blaseball, it’s clear the Pies have lost a few steps. The Pies started the season tied for second-worst team, statistically, but thanks to some diamonds in the rough finished a respectable 14th in the league, and were in the hunt for a playoff spot right until the end.

Unfortunately, the Pies came up empty during the Election, and facing down a league that has only improved around them, the Pies are in for an uphill climb. More than ever, they’ll be leaning on ace pitchers like Marco Escobar and Steals Chark to pick up the slack.

This next season might be a Sisyphean struggle, and the team’s likely to slip in the rankings, but true flans know to never estimate the Pies. Hungry dogs run faster, and the Pies might just surprise you.

Now, if we could just get Eddie Tumblehome to leave the locker room and go back where he belongs…

-Slamdance

Houston Spies

Hubris Index: 2.36

Last week went all according to The Plan. A perfectly average team, nothing to see here. And, as planned, we have decided to go on strike. Placards are available in locker-

…Get a strike. My apologies. The Houston Spies are on Strike One. What does this mean? If you find ████ ████████ ██████ █████, ███████ █████ ████. As The Ticker once said: “Spies on strike? It’s in their blood.”

As for the team itself, the only change is Agent Bradley’s alternation at the hands of the █████████ Umpire. A much better defense, but will that make up for the lack of batting power?

Only one thing is clear. Spies ███.

-from the desk of agent kit

Miami Dale

Hubris Index: 2.83

Nothing Ever Bad Happens to the Florida Team. This week is no different than last week, We Wimdy’ed our way into NEW randomized Players which, in all honestly didn’t feel that new at all. Our 2.8612% got Alternates called for Edric Tosser (making them slightly better) Una Manhattan (making them slightly better) and Serge Shortvat (making them slightly less better). But the Dale Certified Funny Bit is Eddie Mulberry getting Alternated twice, thus making them… Just Normal Eddie Mulberry (with Two Alternates in their Player’s Card).

So you might be thinking, Hey “Scary”Gary, What does all that mean for the Dale? Well, dear reader, I am Glad you asked. It means DALE ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, DALE WILL ETCH THEIR WINS AND LOSSES INTO THE GOLDEN RECORDS OF BLASEBALL (See Rule 3 Section S (Stands for Surge Shortvat, of the Dale) of the New Book). THE VIBES WILL BE IMMACULATE, THE PARTIES FANTASTIC, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO THE FLORIDA TEAM.

–“Scary”Gary

Wild

Baltimore Crabs

Hubris Index: 1.65

The Crab knows where it ranks at all times. It knows this because it knows what rank it isn’t. By running from where it is to where it isn’t, or fielding where it isn’t from where it is (whichever is more important), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection uses deviations to generate corrective team changes to move the Crab from a ranking where it is, to a ranking where it isn’t, and upon arriving at a rank it wasn’t, it now is. Consequently, the ranking that it was, is now the ranking that it isn’t.

In the event that the ranking that it is in is not the ranking that it wasn’t, the psionic connection has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between what rank the Crab is, and what rank the Crab isn’t. If a variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the Black Hole. However, the Crab must also know what rank it was.

The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection scenario works as follows. Because Tiera Wigdoubt has modified some of the runs the Crab may obtain, it is not sure just what ranking it is. However, it is sure what ranking it isn’t, within reason, and it knows what ranking it was. It now subtracts what its ranking should be from what ranking it wasn’t, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of what ranking it shouldn’t be, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called hubris.

Thus, since the Crabs placed 13th in Season 1 (Crabs Bad), it stands to reason that the Crabs will be placed at least 11th in Season 2 (Crabs Good).

Expect this to flip-flop for the next six seasons.

–Nate

Boston Flowers

Hubris Index: 3.44

The Boston Flowers started off Season 1 looking Good. The team had one of the highest average Running and Vibes Stars in the League, and our pitching punched above its weight with two players, Spears Taylor and Amir Murphy showing up on the Strikeout Leaderboards on Day 23 in 1st and tied for 4th places respectively. The only thing that seemed to be missing was a solid batting core.

As the season went on it became clearer that the team was missing more than just a batting core – the team had more holes than an old wheelbarrow.

The lineup featured the second-worst JT in the league, amongst other notably bad hitters such as Kelvin Drumsolo. Our fielding was awkward with Jenkins Ingram eagerly fielding everything they could, even though they shouldn’t. Meanwhile Jessica Telephone stood around instead of using her high Magnet to score Outs. As the Days went on our pitchers started to fall off the leaderboards, as they couldn’t make up for the weaknesses in our batting or fielding, and we ultimately failed to make the Postseason.

Things weren’t all bad however, Zack Sanders ended up hitting the second-most doubles in the league AND hit the most triples.

The Boston Flowers were in desperate need of some tender love and care, and by god did they get it during the Election. We won the NEW Team Boost Blessing, boosting our entire teams Stars by 0.5, causing us to leapfrog many teams in average star counts.

The new and improved Boston Flowers now have the second-highest Running and the second-highest Pitching in the League, which is backed up by the highest Vibes across both the Lineup and the Rotation!

You best keep an eye on the Boston Flowers this Season as they’re sure to shoot into the top of the standings. Assuming we don’t get as Incinerated as hard as in the Discpline Era, of course.

–Kidror

Broken Ridge Jazz Hands

Hubris Index: 2.29

In every universe, every short circuit, every fresh roll, the Jazz Hands have had terrible to bad pitching. Standouts like Wyatt Pothos & August Sky are but two aces in a sea of walks and earned runs.

That has finally changed for the Hands. After winning the pitching blessing they have gone from dead last pitching to middling. A feat so horrifying to the Sim that the very gods had to destroy our beloved mountain.

With a strong core offense and average arms the Jazz have achieved a dream. Should be about on par with the Friday’s fresh rolls now.

-Malst

Hellmouths Open

Ridges Broken

Jazz waits for no man or god

We are coming.

-deafhobbit

Core Mechanics

Hubris Index: 2.26

“What do you mean I have to get out there and do the Power Rankings Core blurb? How did you even find me, it’s been years?! I’m not going out there, HAVE YOU SEEN THE FOUR SUN UMPS?! Not to mention the time travel shenanigans…fine alright, I’ll do it.”

The Core Mechanics have finished the first season of the ‘Coronation Era’ of Blaseball in 2nd place in the Awful Evil Division, missing out on the playoffs by four games to the Seattle Garages. Overall, it was a solid performance throughout the season with a late comeback to put us in playoff contention in the final few games.

The Mechs have found an early star within batter Sheri Friday who established themselves as one of the sport’s top batters this season. And, with potential future stars such as fan favourite pitcher Chorby Short, waiting in the wings aiming to make a huge impact for the team in the future.

That’s where we find the Mechanics, in “maintenance mode”. The Strong Start blessing from the Election allows the team to begin addressing their batting issues and lay the groundwork for future improvements. The team’s pitching in reality has been better than what their ILB Stars Rating would indicate, and overall, the team has no glaring weaknesses that need fundamentally addressing.

But, despite this, the Mechanics will likely just barely miss out again on a playoff place, given the improvements across the Evil League.

However, if the Mechanics proved anything after descending during the Expansion Era, it was their ability to compete within the playoffs, lifting two Championship titles within only five playoff appearances. Now, competing with the potential for their 6th ILB Championship title and entry into the Tournament of Champions, they are a team not to be written off lightly during this era.

-CraftedRobot

Hawai’i Fridays

Hubris Index: 3.12

Usually, the Hawai’i Fridays survive on vibes alone. A historically chill team on a mission to speedrun Party Time rather than vie for the playoffs, the Fridays rarely survive to the postseason. But armed with back to back batting duo Justice Spoon and Elijah Valenzuela, the Fridays beat out the Yellowstone Magic and overtook the Seattle Garages to be the #3 seed in the Awful Conference. Sure, they got swept 0-3 by the Georgias in the quarterfinals, but their record in the second half of the season was a strong performance we haven’t seen from the Fridays since the Discipline era. Far exceeding their 0.500 goal, days 60 through 90 saw the Fridays play with a 27-3 record—including a 15 win streak—raising their season record to 0.644. The Fridays even held their own against the season leader, the Wild Wings, to win a game with Anastasia Isarobot (may they rest in violence) at the mound.

Looking forward to season 2, the Fridays earned the Shore Up blessing with approximately 10% of the vote, boosting pitcher Svetlana Dickens’s Stealth (Running) by 5 stars. Though this does little to help her in the pitching rotation, you never know what position you’ll find yourself playing in blaseball! An unusually strong NEW* Season 1 Fall Ball showing spells a potential end to the Fridays’ consistent mediocrity, but fans will be relaxing on island time regardless of their teams performance in the Coronation Era seasons to come.

As a new fan, I’m happy to get acquainted with our new players and see what they have to show. Most diehard longtime Fridays fans are happy to have Elijah Valenzuela back and hope he can take on the Coronation Era with the same anti-establishment enthusiasm that has defined the rest of his blaseball career.

For now, we’re all staying tuned to see what the umpires throw at us in the offseason!

–Kaz

Seattle Garages

Hubris Index: 2.97

Guess whose Thwack in the house
Flannels flip-flappin’ about
Fine, fresh, hitting ’em, bats to 11
Our logline, ”Punks small-ballin'”
Other teams sweatin’
It’s tens on the scoreboard with no doubt
Triples like WOW!
Doubles ’bout to end this drought
Singles so plentiful, what hole in left field?
Should be criminal
Why defend when our hits are this loud?
…
Now they call…
Us…
Thwackers…

-incognito8, with no apologies to RuPaul

The Garages are once again postseason hopefuls in NEW Season 2. Last season the team was Sitting at a Troubled Medium (-P.S Eliot) of the extremely competitive Chaotic Evil division. The question on every fan’s mind: Can 1 star of Thwack make up for the Garages’ shortcomings during Season 1? The Magic are sprinting ahead and while the Wild Wings might be down, they’re certainly not out of the picture.

Does the team’s improved offense make up for the hole in the left field, or pitchers like Timmy Vine who just can’t seem to manage a good parking job? Can the Garages’ defense keep up with other offensive teams or will they be running Circles ‘Round the Moon(-Nana Grizol)? Will our friendship with the Yellowstone Magic be destroyed by bitter intra division rivalry? I know the answer to one of the questions: Never, park-park it besties.

Questions abound. All I can say for certain is, I’m excited to see some more Positive Contact(-Deltron 3030) from rising stars Chambers Simmons and Deion Gamage.

-Vivi and incognito8

Good

Atlantis Georgias

Hubris Index: 2.02

If historic precedent is any indication, one thing remained true going into this era, which is that the Georgias continue to be completely ignored by the Blaseball Gods. The Georgias managed to avoid any and all consequences from the Forbidden Book opening, but they also won exactly Zero blessings in the election, which instead ended up in the hands of teams they were already competitive with, like the Sunbeams, Shoe Thieves, and Mechanics.

For what it’s worth, I think the Georgias are still gonna be pretty good in Season 2. Nothing has changed about them since the last season, where the Georgias were among the best teams in the league. With batting talent like Mckinney Vaughan and Juan Murphy, and a rotation that would be consistently good if not for Justin Alstott, the Georgias remain one of the league’s most well-rounded teams.

Compared to other top contenders, however, the Georgias don’t have a lot that especially stands out, which ultimately I think will be their downfall. That, or their downfall will be inclement weather. The Georgias have never been one of the league’s luckiest teams. Who knows when one of their star players will be incinerated, or worse, banished to the shadows by a falling Knight Triumphant.

Expect good things from the Georgias in Season 2, just don’t expect one of those things to be a championship.

–jasmine

Kansas City Breath Mints

Hubris Index 1.87

The Coronation Era started off fantastically for the Breath Mints.

Landing in Chaotic Good – by far the weakest division – we made it into the Postseason unchallenged off the back of a top tier Rotation featuring League best pitcher Plums Blather, and an albeit mediocre offense (the more things change, the more they stay the same). Despite its mediocrity, our lineup still featured stars such as League Home Run Leader Stretch Sutton and defensive powerhouse Brooklyn “The Rock” Nottingham.

We lost to the eventual Season 1 Champions the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the Quarter Finals, making us arguably the second best team in the League by the end of the Season.

Naturally, the Breath Mints’ extreme organization came together for the election, resulting in us winning the Yeet blessing and ejecting offensive anchor Jesse Tredwell into the Black Ho-

We didn’t win Yeet? Okay, then Jesse was shadowed by Shadow Play right? We didn’t win that either? What DID we win?

Nothing? But then that would mean that Jesse Tredwell is still on the team.

Where’s Revoke? Where’s Move? I’ll even take a Foreshadow or an Alternate at this point. I miss Wills.

Regardless, the Breath Mints are still goo and will remain a top contender going into Season 2.

–Kidror

Yellowstone Magic

Hubris Index: 2.32

The first season of The Coronation Era brought some stellar vibes and energy to Yellowstone, from opening up with some Friday Night Magic alongside the Hawaii Fridays to the returning Inky Rutledge leading our lineup. Seeing ILB leading stellar slugger Kiki Avci spring to life was awe-inspiring, and well-known rat, Rat Mason, showed some serious chops thanks to his unreal levels of guile.

There were truly shining moments for many players on the roster as a whole, which unfortunately ran into some serious trouble spots in the form of the ILB Champion Mexico City, Baltimore, and Canada. The last two of which seemingly had Yellowstone’s number despite less than stellar performances against other teams. Season N2 for Yellowstone is already looking WAY uppie, and not just because the extra stars for the Lineup from elections. There is, however, something else that Yellowstone can do, right now, to secure an all more assured victory in New Season 2.

They get out the shovels.

Why, you ask? Because life’s a garden, and you gotta dig it, and what better to dig out of any garden than one of the greatest Boston Flowers players of all time, Jacob “Just a Guy” Haynes. During a game this season in the Park Park, Jacob Haynes fell from the Black Hole without striking a player, and thus was buried without entering any shadows. That’s right, 5.6 star former amazing slugger and possibly the worst base stealer ever, Jacob Haynes.

Following in the fate-ladened footsteps of King Weatherman from Season 12, Jacob would be a stellar addition to a lineup ready to pop off with the consistent home run and on base power that he brings. On top of that, it’s vital to remember that Jacob’s JUST a guy. He’s a frighteningly normal dude who can hold his own against the supernatural and magical on a daily basis. He wakes up in the morning, gets his Dunks, and gets to training, every day of the week. His excessively normal nature is part of where his power comes from, instead of eldritch or mechanical might, he embraces the extreme of being common, every day, even average. What would be a better complement to some of the most magically astute wizards, witches, and squid(s)?

To be clear, however, we have no idea where he’s ACTUALLY buried, but what the heck, why not.

So start digging up the Park Park on a gamble, we’ve got a Jacob to find, and while you’re at it, maybe blast JUST A GUY a time or two, just for good measure.

–Dan Hahn

Help me, I’m so scared, I was told Magic was 5th in the Evil Conference, so I went on a [LEGALLY ACQUIRED DRUG]-fueled bender and ended up 6 miles deep into Yellowstone National park. When I awoke with a fright, I stumbled and crawled my way through dense forest, rocky crags, and wet water, until I finally made it to the gate out of here. as I gasped and raced towards my freedom, I was stopped by an imposing figure. It was Demet Cabrera. They were 18 feet tall (the equivalent of their current star count) and spoke in a voice that shattered stone. I can’t quite recall what they said because my ears ruptured from the decibels they were belting out, but it was probably something about needing a pass. I do not have a pass, so now I am not allowed out. There was also something about a fine but I don’t have any money, so I had to go back the way I came.

How the hell did I get in, and how the hell do I get out? Did I wake up in a new dimension? Why is everyone telling me “Magic has the highest defense rating in the League”? Someone else has to handle what’s going on with the Magic, because I’ve clearly woken up on the wrong side of reality. What ever happened to All Bats Just Right Yellowstone Blaseball?

–Nate

Mexico City Wild Wings

Hubris Index: 1.02

I went to Asastasia Isarobot’s funeral today.

I mean, I’m paid to, it’s literally my job, but also I wanted to. This version of the team has only existed for such a short time, but already you could see a league powerhouse forming. There’s hitting here for days; Katja Twain is a highlight, but Letitia Diop and Baldwin Jones are no slouches. But Anastasia’s loss hurts, both in the way that the sudden loss of a friend, a teammate, a leader hurts, and also specifically in the way that there were a lot of wins Anastasia pitched, and it’s an open question how many of those Göran Ndoye can replace.

The good news for the Wings is that I was speaking to James Boy at the funeral, and they said that they have completely recovered from being struck by Carter O’Conner falling at near-terminal velocity from the black hole in Game 12 and should be returning to the line-up this season. We in the Wild Wings Press Box all wish Atma Blueberry and Fletcher Peck a speedy recovery from being hit by Jefferson De La Cruz and Yusef Puddles respectively.

It’s hard to predict what this roster turmoil will ultimately mean for this team; by first appearances they will be a worse team than last season, but depending on how severe that dropoff is, a worse team than last season could still be one of the top teams in the league. But as I am often reminded, the league is unpredictable and disaster could strike any team at any time.

After all, I went to Asatasia Isarobot’s funeral today. Rest in Violence.

-Spludge237

Charleston Shoe Thieves

Hubris Index: 1.15

Yes, the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams have seen their hitting boosted across the board, adding more power to an already potent lineup. They will be hard to beat. But you beat offense with good pitching and defense, and the Shoe Thieves have both in abundance.

Charleston finished with the best ERA in ILB in Season 1 of what is now the Coronation Era, fueled by a top-five K/BB ratio and the best hit suppression in the league. They’ve added a perfect pitcher via the election process in Derrick Krueger, whose scouting report suggests will slot in as an ace ahead of already amazing pitchers in Kathy Matthews and Premjeet Liu to form a trio of nearly unbeatable arms in the rotation for Charleston.

If the ball does go into play, the best defense in Blaseball will be waiting, led by Penelope Berkowitz, will be there to take away hits other teams would allow.

The offense, featuring Jammy Decksetter and Fish Summer, is more than good enough, ranking in the Top 10 in my predictive OPS+ metric heading into Season 2. This is a team without a weakness and ready to upset the overwhelming favorite Sunbeams and claim two straight championships.

-Firewall Andrews

Hellmouth Sunbeams

Hubris Index: 0.42

Hoo boy. Oh man. Panama Dan, you’re in it now. Okay, deep breath, you gotta do this, you’re just gonna have to do this, go home, and take your lumps.

In the preseason, I flatly refused to estimate the Sunbeams. I’ll do it, I’m not afraid of it, but I gotta have data to back me up. Well, now I have data, and the only thing I can do is directly estimate the Sunbeams.

And I am forced, as I am sure many of my colleagues are, to directly estimate the Sunbeams as the odds on favorites going into the next season. The Sunbeams batting squad, freshly juiced off of the Batter Boost blessing, looks to be completely unstoppable headed into season 2. Even the new best batter on the Crabs, Tiara Wigdoubt, can’t compete with some of these Boosted Beams. In an Awful Good that was already the most competitive division at the top, almost every team improved,. But despite the Shoe Thieves gaining Derrick Kreuger and the Crabs with the aforementioned Tiana, none of this compares to the impact of a full star amongst an entire batting lineup.

With the Wild Wings getting worse due to the loss of their star pitcher and batter, It’s hard to see who can compete with the Sunbeams for the regular season record.

These aren’t even your Sunbeams of old. Dunn Keyes and Mooney Doctor are legitimate pitching threats, probably in the top 10 of all pitchers, and the Sunbeams defense, while bad, isn’t the catastrophic liability it was in Beta.

But, as with all flights, and as the Beams are prone to do, is this just flying too close to the sun? Is this season 11, where the Sunbeams launched into the stratosphere and couldn’t be stopped, or season 13, where the Beams inexplicably crash down to earth despite getting demonstrably better.

It remains to be seen, but without the gift (or curse) of prophecy, this reporter has only one choice, in their estimation.

Sunbeams #1.

–Panama Dan

Imagine you are in a desert and come across a cube. How large is it? What is it made of? How round is it?

Now, you see a ladder. What material is it made of? How tall is it? Is it above the cube, next to it, on the ground, or where else? How far down does it lead?

Then, picture a horse. Where is it? What is it doing? How many legs does it have? How threatening is it?

Next, picture flowers. How many do you see? What kinds of flowers are they? What do their roots burrow into, thin plant strands gently choking…what? And how long ago did it die?

Finally, a thunderstorm begins. How violent is it? How far away is the lightning? How powerful is the thunder which comes after? What’s raining down on you, and why do you immediately seek shelter? What colour is the sky, and why is there no word for it?

…

The cube is you! You are the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams. It’s large because you are a strong and confident team, coming off a great season and an even better offseason. It’s floating because you plan to soar above the rest of the division, carried by the immense power of your offense. It’s made of glass, because your defense sucks ass. But that’s okay.

The ladder is your division! Chaotic Good is a deep dark hole where you, the most dangerous team in the postseason, the team who wants a ring the hardest despite the game being rigged against them, the ILB’s most consistently successful team from way down under, the greatest team in Blaseball history and the Baltimore Crabs try to shiv each other in the dark. And there’s only so much space on that ladder, and the blood makes it slick and slippery…

The horse is a symbol of your ideal self! That’s why it has many legs, with many human hands that can hold many, many bats.

Flowers signify your legacy! They’re bright yellow sunflowers, rings of gold representing the many you are expected to win, growing on the corpse of your previous, unestimatable, self.

The thunderstorm reveals your fears! It’s directly in front of you, hanging over your clear future, and it drizzles down shoelaces. Because all the bats in the world may not matter if you can’t hit the ball into play…

-Dargo

The post The Return(s): Season N2 Blaseball Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Caveats: We have no idea what the weather will be like for the Cup, so we don’t know which teams will benefit from or curse the shifting winds. We don’t know what Tired or Well-Rested or Observed does, nor do we know WHATEVER is up with BC Noir.

Methodology: The rankings are in reverse order, 16 to 1, based on the aggregate of ranking from Ace Analyst (AA) and Luckey Haskins (LH). In the case of a tied aggregate, we used the tournament seeding as a tiebreaker. Without further adieu, here are the POWER RANKINGS.

Further Adieu: (We are really, really sorry for the bottom 3. Prove us wrong?)

Society Data Witches

Tournament Seed: #9

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 2.0 • 3.5 • 2.5 • 3.5 • 1.5

Power Ranking: 16 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I really hate analysis, sometimes. The Data Witches have been an utter delight on Twitter in the run-up to the Coffee Cup. But their blaseball stats? Their first match-up? UFF DA. The Data Witches’ rotation has the fewest stars in the Cup, by a significant margin. Round 1 pits them against one of the best lineups; C&S United has only one batter under 4*. The Data Witches have a middle-of-the-road lineup, and 5* Batista Oatmilk is a bright spot, for sure. But without some help from the weather, they look like a tough bet to get out of Round 1.

AA: Well… I guess this is what happens when you trust the sim. By regular ILB standards, this is a very respectable ballclub. But this ain’t your ordinary ILB — it’s the Coffee Cup, and stars abound on this stage (er, uh, field). The offense looks well-rounded but unoptimized, with their weakest hitter up front and the two brightest spots (Batista Oatmilk and Beans Reblase) scattered across the lineup. The rotation is sadly lacking, too, with just 2 pitchers breaking the 3 star mark. Of course, ratings aren’t everything and I’m sure I haven’t seen all the stats the team has, but a date with Cream & Sugar — one of the strongest offenses — doesn’t help their chances.

P.S. I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, SIBR

Pandemonium Artists

Tournament Seed: #12

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.25

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.0 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 15 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: Oh geez. My bottom two spots are both fan teams. I really hope my predictions turn out to be way off-base. The Artists have a legit top-of-the rotation pitcher in PomPom Pomodoro. Outside that, the team is all over the place (befitting the Pandemonium name) and is below the Cup average in hitting & pitching. There are mitigating variables: we don’t know what Tired does, how often Well-Rested will proc, or what the Artists’ Shadows look like. They are a chaos team, and chaos can win tournaments. That said, they drew a challenging Round 1, so chaos will have to reign early.

AA: This is the first of 3 teams that are hard to accurately rank, given their unknown status effects. We know we’ll be seeing some players emerge from the Shadows… but how good will they be? They could make the team better, or take away a bright spot. Anyway, as it stands, the Artists are sadly unspectacular. Arbutus Bones and Chromatic Jump stand out along with a couple other bats, but the lineup as a whole is underwhelming and a bit disorganized. PomPom Pomodoro will probably give hitters fits, but as we’ve seen in the past, one ace can’t save a team. Now, if the massive collective of talented Artists offers up a new star or two, maybe they’ll pull off an upset. Right now, though, they’ve got a tough matchup, and I don’t know if they can paint their way out of this corner.

Real Game Band

Tournament Seed: #2

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.70

Rotation Stars — 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 2.5

Power Ranking: 14 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I know, I know. I put the three teams of new players in the bottom three spots, and yes, I am upset with myself. Real Game Band is, for all intents & purposes, a solid if average team. The lineup has no weaknesses, but also caps out at 4.5*. The rotation… is rough. Honestly, if this was a round-robin tournament, or they were facing a different team in Round 1, I’d list them higher. Thing is, in a 5-game series, they’ll face Burke Gonzales (6*), Pitching Machine (5*), and Curry Aliciakeys (5*) to start. We don’t know weather effects, and we don’t know what Observed does, and Macchiato City has holes in their lineup. Absent more information, though, it’s hard to see RGB make it through.

AA: (I’m so sorry The Game Band please don’t hurt me please don’t hurt me)

Anyway… I’ll be honest, RGB doesn’t look too bad. The lineup is consistent with a solid middle of the order, and the pitching staff is decent, if a little drab. (Not the people just the ratings I promise pls don’t be mad Joel) Where I run into trouble here is with their matchups. First, they’d have to get by Mac City, who has an absurd 1-2-3 in their rotation and some proven stars at the plate. Even if they manage to eke out a series victory, Light & Sweet Electric Co. would pose a real challenge in Round 2. Like the Artists, though, there’s some uncertainty given their effect — I have no clue what Observed does, and this is blaseball, after all.

BC Noir

Tournament Seed: #11

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.00

Rotation Stars — 4.0

Power Ranking: 13 (Ace), 11 (Luckey)

LH: I have no idea what’s going on here. We’ve got two new Hard-Boiled players, one in the lineup, the other in the rotation. This was thought to be the “Anything” team before rosters were announced, and I assume they’re not trotting out only two players each game. Maybe they are. Or maybe the Noir hire mercenary players each game, setting the lineup from players not in any Coffee Cup team’s roster or Shadows? No idea. The tournament seeded them at #11, so that’s where I’m leaving them.

AA: Aaaand the final “this could literally be completely wrong” team. Please don’t take this ranking into account. When Hard Boiled actually means something and chaos breaks loose, forget I put Noir this low. But as it stands… I don’t see BC making many waves. To be honest, on paper they’re worse than Heavy, who will put out a better lineup and a better pitcher for the first 3 games of the series. But again, forget I said any of this.

Club de Calf

Tournament Seed: #7

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 2.0 • 3.5 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 12 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I love the energy of the Club de Calf roster, but they just look outmatched. They’ve got average hitting, a shortened rotation that’s pretty okay, and that’s about it. They face a team that looks better on paper in every aspect. I absolutely love the combination of personalities on this team, but unless they can elevate to a higher level of caffeinated consciousness, I don’t see them moving out of Round 1.

AA: Like with Real Game Band, this team looks solid on paper, with a well-optimized lineup and a more-or-less average pitching staff. I’m not sure if they can handle Light & Sweet, who can certainly outhit them and will probably match them rotation-wise. But don’t count them out just yet — Haynes and Septemberish have been putting up top notch numbers for the past few seasons, and they’ve got one of the splort’s premier flamethrowers in Dunlap Figueroa. Don’t get your hopes up, but don’t assume they’re already out, either.

Heavy FC

Tournament Seed: #6

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.14

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 4.5 • 2.5 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 13 (Luckey), 11 (Ace)

LH: This is the ranking that I have the least faith in. Heavy FC has a great rotation but a shortened lineup that caps out at 4*. They look like they could beat BC Noir… IF WE KNEW WHAT THE DEAL WAS WITH BC NOIR. (Anyway.) At the moment, BC Noir has a single 4* pitcher, and I remember that working out pretty okay for the Snackrifice Era Tacos (at first). Even if Heavy FC gets past BC Noir, they’re likely to face Americano Water Works, a pre-tournament favorite. I would love for the [FOGHORN SOUND] to cut through all this analytical fog, but their path forward is murky at best.

AA: They may be named Heavy, but they’re actually a little light on the hitting side of things. They’ve only got 8 hitters, and none of them really stand out (their best is the 4-star Peanut Holloway). The rotation, meanwhile, is pretty [FOGHORN SOUND]ing incredible. Three of the most memorable, and best, pitchers in blaseball history open it up, and Evelton McBlase is a solid #5. However, though it might be enough to push them past BC Noir (although who knows what’ll happen with them), I don’t think Heavy can [FOGHORN SOUND] their way around Americano or Inter Espresso, who have far better lineups and can stack up pitching-wise. Well, [FOGHORN SOUND].

Cold Brew Crew

Tournament Seed: #16

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.00

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 10 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: The Crew have the weakest lineup in the tournament, and their lowest-rated hitter in the cleanup spot. On the other hand, the Crew have a high-quality rotation that is topped by 4* and 5* pitching. They also have a favorable draw in Atletico Latte, whose lineup is only marginally better, and whose rotation matches advantageously for Cold Brew. Plus, everyone loves a 16-seed defeating a 1-seed, AND Tillman Henderson is thought by some to be the protagonist of Blaseball. There’s more than a snowball’s chance in Hades this team advances.

AA: The Crew are definitely going to be overlooked by a lot of people going into the Coffee Cup — especially with them being the 16 seed — but I wouldn’t count them out just yet. For one, though their lineup doesn’t look very formidable overall, leadoff hitter Nerd Pacheco broke out in Season 11, and they’re surrounded by solid supporting cast members like Felix Garbage and Tillman Henderson. What I’m trying to say is, though they might not be a machine out there, the offense can certainly hold its own, especially when being backed by such a powerful rotation. The 1-2-3 of Winnie Hess, Alexandria Rosales, and Yosh Carpenter isn’t the strongest in the tourney, but it gives them a fighting chance against Atletico Latte. All in all, they’ve probably got an equally good chance of playing it cool or getting the cold shoulder.

Atletico Latte

Tournament Seed: #1

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 4.5 • 3.0 • 4.5 • 3.0 • 2.5

Power Ranking: 9 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I am really curious how the teams were seeded. Was it based on the player pool available, before rosters were finalized? In any case, the Latte don’t scream 1-seed to me. They have average overall hitting, but the assembly of the lineup might result in difficulty manufacturing runs. They have relatively average pitching, but they at least face the weakest lineup in Round 1. The path in front of them is easier than many other teams, so a top 4 finish is not outside the realm of possibility. But neither is a first-round upset.

AA: “Teamwork makes the steamwork” is the Latte slogan, but the Latte just happen to be one of the more uneven teams in the Cup. As Luckey pointed out, the lineup is configured pretty awkwardly, with no real string of strong hitters like all the teams I’ve put above them have. The rotation is solid enough — Elvis Figueroa is one of the game’s best hurlers, and Bendie on the mound is an intriguing touch — but while they might brrrrrrreeze past the Crew, I can’t see them making a championship run.

Royal PoS

Tournament Seed: #4

Avg. Hitting Stars — 4.00

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 2.0 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 8 (Ace), 6 (Luckey)

LH: These are your heavy hitters in the Coffee Cup. At least, this is the team that’s piled up all those hitting stars. There is little respite to be found from spots 1-9. Unfortunately, this is countered by a spotty rotation. The Royal PoS feels like a recent Wild Low team, hoping to get just enough pitching to allow their lineup to tear through the opponent. Were we in Sun 2 weather, they’d be higher in the rankings. Instead, Royal PoS starts the Cup against the strongest rotation in the tournament. And if they get past Round 1, they face one of the tournament favorites. But if the weather favors hitting, watch out.

AA: “Oh, Sweet” must be what Royal fans said when they first saw their team’s lineup. It’s got everyone’s favorite dork York Silk and everyone’s best friend Richmond Harrison, and no real weak spots throughout. The rotation, though, isn’t great, although I’m excited to see if the Reverberating Don Mitchell will have any interesting effects on the mound. They’ve got a tough draw against Milk Proxy, who have the arms to counter the PoS bats. It could be close, but I think Royal lacks the balance needed to edge out their opponents.

Macchiato City

Tournament Seed: #15

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 6.0 • 5.0 • 5.0 • 4.0 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 7 (Luckey), 6 (Ace)

LH: It feels risky as heck to put a team this high when its lineup is this uneven and has so many holes in it. But LOOK AT THAT ROTATION. It is completely optimized for best-of-5 play. Burke Gonzales, Pitching Machine, Curry Aliciakeys are a dream 1-2-3 combo. And if a team beats one of them, Eugenia Garbage is a killer option for a #4 starter. They’ve got a real chance at upsetting the Commissioner’s team in Round 1, though there’s enough uncertainty to make it far from guaranteed. And even if City’s lineup is unbalanced, it still has Jessica Telephone leading off and the Margarito-Fish combo at 4-5. Macchiato could pull it off, but teams dependent on their rotation don’t have a lot of room for error.

AA: This is the ranking I’m least sure about. While I have no doubt they’ll get past Real Game Band (at least, given what we know now), they might not have the depth for a serious run. But they’ve got 3 legit bats — some of the ILB’s best — and probably the best pitching staff in this whole thing. Problem is, it all depends on the matchups, as there are plenty of teams that have the bats to beat up on City’s lesser arms — and if the offense has a bad day, that could mean good night. And yet — you can’t lose if they don’t score.

Inter Espresso

Tournament Seed: #14

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.72

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.5 • 4.0 • 3.0 • 4.0

Power Ranking: 8 (Luckey), 5 (Ace)

LH: When the lineups were first announced, my initial reaction was that the low seed for Espresso made sense. As I compiled the information, though, I kept moving them up the rankings. I may not have moved them up enough. They have a good lineup, the top of which is among the best in the Cup. Their rotation is average, but it’s hard to bet against Theo Cervantes. Heck, the rest of the rotation matches up well to most other teams in this tourney. Unfortunately, the team they go up against in Round 1 is a tournament favorite, Americano Water Works. I think Inter Espresso has a real chance to pull the upset here, but maybe not? They have a very difficult road, but the more I look at Espresso, the more buzzed I am about their chances. 

AA: If there’s any team that can absolutely defy their seeding and pull off a few crazy upsets, it’s this one. As Luckey pointed out, they may not look like much at first, but this is a tightly organized bunch with very few real weaknesses. Their lineup begins with 4 players who are some of their ILB teams’ best, and is ordered in a way that eschews any streaks of poor hitters. The rotation is deceptively impressive, too, with a bona fide ace in Cervantes and the shaky but impressive Parker Meng closing it out. They have a tough matchup, it’s true, but Espresso more than nearly anyone else have the skills and balance to expose a leak in the Water Works.

Cream & Sugar United

Tournament Seed: #8

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.94

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 3.0 • 2.5 • 3.5 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 7 (Ace), 5 (Luckey)

LH: Here we have the arguably the best (or second-best) lineup in the Coffee Cup. All but one of their hitters is at 4* or 4.5*. They are high-quality in 8 of 9 spots, but also don’t have a big 5* bat. While the United’s lineup has even-handedness, though, their rotation has the opposite. Only one pitcher with a rating of 4* or better. Then again, one of the “average” pitchers is Sandoval Crossing, who’s had some stellar seasons for the Sunbeams of late. The United are the more tempered version of the Royal PoS, but United also face an easier opponent if they advance out of Round 1.

AA: I can’t stop staring at this offense. Like…what?????? 8 out of their 9 hitters are 4 stars or higher, which is just downright CRAZY. The rotation, though, gives me pause. They’ve got Gabriel Griffith as a great first starter, but aside from the underrated Sandoval Crossing, there’s not a whole lot else to look forward to. It’s not BAD, for sure, and they could definitely compensate for it with their lineup. Did I mention their lineup is CRAZY? They’ve got an easy Round 1 and are likely bound for the Final 4, but a more balanced team like Milk Proxy or FWXBC could deny them a trip to the finals.

Milk Proxy Society

Tournament Seed: #13

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.50

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 5.5 • 2.5 • 4.0 • 5.0

Power Ranking: 4 (Luckey), 3 (Ace)

LH: I’m not sure how this team got seeded so low. Sure, their lineup is average overall, though the only rating below 3* is the #9 spot, so it seems pretty optimized. That rotation, however, is a dangerous beast. They have more stars than Macchiato City, but are slightly less optimized for a best-of-5 series. Still — trotting out three pitchers rated at 5* or more is a thing you want in a tournament. Naturally, this rotation is facing off against the highest-rated lineup (Royal PoS) in the Coffee Cup. This is because splorts gods are fickle and find humor in the fact one of these powerhouse teams will fall out in Round 1.

AA: Similarly to Mac City, the MPS has what looks to be an unstoppable rotation. The difference is that the Proxy Society, though lacking in big-name bats, only has one real weakness, and it’s at the bottom of the order (sorry, Theo!!). I actually had the Proxy Society first in my rankings for a while, but they’ve just got a slightly tougher slate than my #1 pick. They face a fairly rough first matchup in Royal PoS (if anyone can stop this unstoppable staff, it’s them), but if they can withstand that and get favorable matchups against FWXBC, I see no reason why this club can’t make a finals run.

Light & Sweet Electric Co.

Tournament Seed: #10

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.89

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 4 (Ace), 3 (Luckey)

LH: After my breathless appreciation for the “best” or “strongest” lineups or rotations, it may seem a bit odd to have a team like this ranked above those teams. L&S Electric Co. has a dependable, if not flashy, rotation. (Counterpoint: any rotation with Cell Barajas leading Usurper Violet AND Bonk Jokes, followed by two Combs, is flashy in my book, stars be damned.) The Electric Co. has a top-notch lineup that leads off with big-time hitting in spots 1-5. They also have one of the easier roads to the final four, which helps their ranking.

AA: I went back and forth on this ranking a lot, because the Electric Co aren’t an easy team to gauge. They’re not as consistent as FWXBC, and lack the star arms of a Mac City or a Water Works to compensate for the holes in their lineup. I think they’ll probably breeze past Club de Calf, but if Real Game Band can push the series vs Mac City to 4 or 5 games, Light & Sweet’s chances may soon turn sour. If not? They could power their way to the finals and beyond.

FWXBC

Tournament Seed: #5

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.83

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 3.5 • 3.5 • 4.5

Power Ranking: 2 (Ace), 1 (Luckey)

LH: And here it is, my pick for the favorite in the Coffee Cup. They have a lineup that is high quality, consistent from top to bottom with little weakness. Thomas Daracaena leads off with an Actual Airplane, and there doesn’t look to be an easy out all the way through. The rotation is top three in the Cup, and can match up with any other rotation. The risk to FWXBC is that tournaments sometimes favor unbalanced teams over those that are consistent throughout the roster. But until we see which way chaos blows, FWXBC has the track to bring home the inaugural Coffee Cup. 

AA: I’ve always believed that, especially in a tournament, consistency is key, and FWXBC are the epitome of consistency. No hitters sit below 3 stars, and no pitchers below 3.5. Their leadoff hitter, Thomas Dracaena, is one of the league’s most consistently good hitters. There are some interesting position swaps, such as Tot Clark and Castillo Turner, that actually improve the team overall. Sure, they’ll probably get overpowered in some games by a juggernaut offense like Royal PoS or a shutdown staff like the Proxy Society’s. But as long as they can keep plugging away, FWXBC could certainly stay the course and take the Cup.

Americano Water Works

Tournament Seed: #3

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.89

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.0 • 5.0 • 1.5 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 2 (Luckey), 1 (Ace)

LH: This team was a prohibitive favorite when all we had was a list of available players. The big concern was around the rotation options. Then it was announced that Nagomi McDaniel would captain the rotation, and there was much excitement in the Water Works. That said, the rotation is still an up-and-down affair, but it helps that they can sandwich Inky’s Blagonball between Nagomi & Scandal, and finish off with Silvia Rugrat. Meanwhile the vaunted Americano lineup has Cerveza, Cashmoney, and Blackburn up top, and finishes with the Haunted Esme Ramsey. Americano has a slightly tougher path to the championship than my top-ranked team on this list, but they are a very good shot to win it all.

AA: Alright, I’m gonna be honest — I was tempted to put FWXBC at #1 too, and Luckey is definitely justified in doing so. But even though I said consistency is key, I’m a sucker for star power, and hoo boy do the Water Works have plenty. Aldon Cashmoney — who had one of the best offensive seasons in Blaseball history in Season 11 — isn’t even leading off this lineup, which has a formidable triple threat leading off and some underrated — and Haunted — hitters at the bottom. Plus, the weaker hitting links player superb defense, including the 8 (!!) defensive-star Richardson Games. Yes, as Luckey said, the rotation is a concern. But as the Tacos and others have proven time and time again, who needs pitching when nobody can get you out? Americano could certainly be upset by Inter Espresso, who are similarly configured, but no way are they going out without a fight — and probably some runs along the way.

That’s All, folks.

We hope you enjoyed reading our power rankings and we hope you enjoy watching the Coffee Cup!

FOLLOW BLASEBALL PROSPECTUS ON TWITTER.

FOLLOW BNN ON TWITTER.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

The post Blaseball Prospectus Coffee Cup Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.