OPS+ = On base Plus Slugging +. An estimator of good hitting, average is 100, higher number is better.
ERA- = Earned Run Average -. An estimator of good pitching, average is 100, lower number is better.
OAA = Outs Above Average. An estimator of good fielding, average is 0, higher number is better.

1. THE MOAB HELLMOUTH SUNBEAMS

“Sartre once said, Hell is a lineup of batters all with an OPS over .900.”
S2 Run Differential: +303 Lineup OPS+ rank: #1, 127.7 Rotation ERA- rank: #11, 94.6 Team OAA rank: #19, -24.6

Towering over them all are the Sunbeams, and they are hitting, their bats lively and quick and doubling down the line and they are bowing to the ladies. They will never stop hitting, they say. They say they will never die. You might look and think, hey, that run prevention seems not great! Who cares? They score 8 runs per game! The Sunbeams strength is not just in their great hitters, but the length of their lineup. This is the only Blaseball team with no hitters in their lineup with a below league average OPS. Even with their balance, there are a few players who stand out here. Two great infielders in Kajjala Aliyev and Cravel Gesundheit (2nd and 8th best Wins Above Average (WAA) respectively) are perfectly situated to get a good amount of ground balls despite low Reach, and also hit extremely well. Mooney Doctor carries the rotation with a top ten in the league FIP. But really, it’s just hitting. Hitting that never stops. Hitting. HITTING.

2. THE MEXICO CITY WILD WINGS

“Bane: You merely adopted your good hitters! We were born with them!”
S2 Run Differential: +212 Lineup OPS+ rank: #2, 119.8 Rotation ERA- rank: #10, 91.1 Team OAA rank: #11, 20.7

Unlike other Blaseball teams that won boosts to get to the top of the league, the Wings are ALL NATURAL. Unfortunately, when you live by the sim, you also die by the sim. The Wings have had seven different position players in the top 40 of WAA over the course of the first two seasons: Katja Twain (seasons one and two), Fletcher Peck (season one), Baldwin Jones (season one), Nori Bluegrass (season one), Letitia Diop (season one), James Boy (season two), and Arugula Hadji (season two). They also have had the fourth best (season one) and tenth best (season two) pitcher by WAA in Viernon Sierpinski and sixth best (season one) pitcher by WAA in Anastasia Isarobot. Of those nine players, two were incinerated, and three were shadowed at some point or another. Perhaps the best strategy going forward is to appease the sim with some kind of blood sacrifice. Wait, never mind. Let’s not give the sim any ideas. 

3. THE YELLOWSTONE MAGIC

“Why does the larger team simply not win another boost blessing?”
S2 Run Differential: +199 Lineup OPS+ rank: #3, 117.65 Rotation ERA- rank: #6, 87.4 Team OAA rank: #6, 36.7

The Yellowstone Magic are the only Blaseball team in the league thus far which has won two boost blessings (Pitching and Wind Sprints) and will soon test just how overpowered boosts are. (The answer is very.) With wind sprints, the Magic have turned into a triple-mashing team at 123 total, the only other Blaseball team with more than 100 is the Flowers with 102. Kiki Avci in particular hit 40, and also led the league in OPS with 1.432 (also, also hit over .400!). Demet Cabrera is defensively awesome on the infield and hits well, making them the best player in the league in WAA by a full win over the second best player. Rat Mason and Mooney Doctor II are poised to lead an awesome pitching staff, and Duncan Phantom is about all you can ask for in an incineration replacement. If this team doesn’t win the title, it would be a choke. A gag. Don’t blow it. No pressure.

4. THE BOSTON FLOWERS

“More Stealth than Metal Gear Solid.”
S2 Run Differential: +192 Lineup OPS+ rank: #5, 112.9 Rotation ERA- rank: #3, 77.6 Team OAA rank: #15, 4.1

Another boost-blessed Blaseball team, the Flowers turned a 35-55 record in Season One into a 60-30 record in Season Two thanks to the overall team boost. Just by looking at their baseline hitting stars, one might be a little unimpressed (2.745 in their lineup, 7th worst in the league), but they pack a secret: the second highest Stealth score in the league, a stat which helps them produce slugging (they hit the most doubles in the league at 417 and the second most triples at 102). Combine that with an overall excellent pitching staff, and you’ve got a solid contender. Zack Sanders exemplifies their offensive style of play (3rd best WAA in the league, of their 156 hits only 33 are singles) and Amir Murphy (16th best pitching WAA) is a solid ace. Famous mascot Jessica Telephone is also there for moral support.

5. THE CHARLESTON SHOE THIEVES

“A defensive wizard on the Shoe Thieves? Never heard of that before.”
S2 Run Differential: +121 Lineup OPS+ rank: #8, 102.1 Rotation ERA- rank: #2, 77.4 Team OAA rank: #1, 58

The Shoe Thieves are extremely lazy. Only three of their position players have more than .400 Reach, and two of them play in right field, which tends not to see much action. Cue Penelope Berkowitz. Combine a midfielder position with low reach teammates and nobody playing in left field and you have a recipe for a single player doing everything on defense. Berkowitz fielded 652 chances at a 79% success rate last season, the most chances of any player in the league at a highly efficient clip. Throw in the solid offensive threesome of Vee Curry, Fish Summer, and Kaj Statter Jr. and you’re cooking with gas. The pitching staff doesn’t have to be amazing to get outs with their one-man defense. The Jammy Decksetter alternate thinned their lineup by quite a bit, but they can still win by emulating a group project where everyone offloads the work onto one person.

6. THE HAWAI’I FRIDAYS

“How good are the vibes? There’s a player named Mags Highlife.”
S2 Run Differential: +110 Lineup OPS+ rank: #9, 100.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #4, 81.9 Team OAA rank: #2, 56.3

The Fridays had the best defense in the league by Defensive Efficiency Ratio (DER), but there is a very serious question as to how long that can persist. A huge chunk of value was provided by top ten WAA player Elijah Valenzuela, the best defender in the top ten of position players. A good hitting, good defending infielder is kind of a cheat code. Here’s the issue: Valenzuela got alternated in game 85. Eun Senior and Stephanie Schmitt are both solid pitchers even with a fall-off on defense, but Sexton Wheerer and Svetlana Dickens are not. Oxen Seo and Justice Spoon will need to carry the Blaseball team offensively with a new, worse hitting former star. At least the vibes will be good

7. THE ATLANTIS GEORGIAS

“So fresh and so clean.”
S2 Run Differential: +89 Lineup OPS+ rank: #4, 113 Rotation ERA- rank: #17, 105.8 Team OAA rank: #15, 4.4

The Georgias are proof of the theory that a good offense matters more for success than run prevention because they are a bottom half pitching staff and defense that still wins because they hit the damn ball. First, we gotta talk about Mckinney Vaughan, who is a legit star. The best position player in season one by WAA and the fifth best in season two, Vaughan is an excellent hitter and defender AND plays the infield (cheat code!). The hitting foursome of Doc Cash, Juan Murphy, Khulan Kebede, and Beck Whitney means the lineup isn’t just top-heavy. Unfortunately, the pitching is kind of a mess, with a group of players who can’t strike anybody out (league average strikeouts per 9 innings is 7.2, and the Georgias are at 5.9). This staff puts a lot of pressure on the defense, so if balls aren’t getting hit to the right defenders, woof. With this pitching, the Georgias are probably destined to make the playoffs and get eliminated in the first round for a while.

8. THE BROKEN RIDGE JAZZ HANDS

“Why are they called the Jazz Hands?”
S2 Run Differential: +64 Lineup OPS+ rank: #6, 105.2 Rotation ERA- rank: #12, 96.8 Team OAA rank: #21, -44

They won a boost! Every other Blaseball team from the season one election that won a boost saw massive to strong improvement, enough to make the playoffs and get deep into the postseason. The Jazz Hands, however? Well, luck was not on their side. In game 42, Bonk Jokes was alternated from a very good lineup player into a not-so-good one. Their second best hitter, Sigmund Castillo, was cursed to not lose. Their pitching staff boost’s value was blunted by a terrible defense. Evelton McBlase II, their best pitcher, was the 35th best in the league by WAA, at least. Their offense should still be solid, led by doubles machine Qais Dogwalker, but not enough to overcome a leaky defense with a very bad defender, Albert Stink, hogging the infield. 

9. THE SAN FRANCISCO LOVERS

“How many juniors can we fit into one name?”
S2 Run Differential: +44 Lineup OPS+ rank: #18, 95 Rotation ERA- rank: #8, 88.9 Team OAA rank: #13, 5.6

How did this Blaseball team make the playoffs? Only three of their eight hitters were above league average in OPS. Their pitching staff walks people and doesn’t generate a ton of strikeouts. According to WAA, they overperformed by 6 wins, so maybe some of this was luck and a top-heavy division, but let’s try and pick out the good stuff here. Alvie Kesh is a top 11 player by WAA, great offensively, although you wish they would try to maybe field a little more (.023 Reach/ 1.145 Magnet). Mordecai Kingbird is a nice number 2 hitter with basically the same defensive preferences as Kesh. The rotation is anchored by the very good Erin Jesaulenko, and the rest of the pitchers are carried by a lineup that maybe can’t hit very well, but is at least slightly positive on the whole defensively. This team is probably due for some regression, but a Blaseball team that keeps games low-scoring can always win some lucky coin tosses.

10. THE BALTIMORE CRABS

“In their soft shell era.”
S2 Run Differential: +26 Lineup OPS+ rank: #14, 97.3 Rotation ERA- rank: #6, 87.7 Team OAA rank: #8, 32.3

Perhaps the sim has fallen out of love. The Crabs are still a competitive Blaseball team, but their poor hitting means that they are unlikely to challenge for a playoff spot. Losing Ramirez Winters to incineration in game 68 meant that a top 3 WAA player in season one was now dusted and the Crabs defense/offense was worse off for it. The formerly zoneless Tiera Wigdoubt is now going to have to step up as the team’s best player, but those are big shoes to fill. Declan Suzanne was the 9th best pitcher by WAA and the lead on a solid rotation, but how much the defense suffers without Winters remains to be seen. The Crabs are firmly lodged in mid.

11. THE CORE MECHANICS

“We may or may not be able to fix this.”
S2 Run Differential: +8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #10, 100.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #14, 100.9 Team OAA rank: #16, -7

Sheri Friday. Sheri was carrying massive weight on the Mechanics lineup before getting alternated into a bad hitter on day 88 of the season. Sheri led the league in doubles with 72, had the second highest OPS in the league at 1.341 (a long way away from their second best teammate Comfort Septemberish and their .934) and hit the third most homers to boot. Scoobert Toast and Tevin Melcon are a good pair of pitchers with above average strikeout rates, but here’s the thing. Losing a 5+ win player from your Blaseball team sucks, especially at the tail end of a season where you’re going nowhere. Time to rebuild. 

12. THE KANSAS CITY BREATH MINTS

“Please sir, may I have some better batters?”
S2 Run Differential: +8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #22, 85.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #1, 69.3 Team OAA rank: #6, -36.6

The Breath Mints appear to be locked in a life or death struggle to field a Blaseball team that wins or loses every game of the season 1-0. Let’s start with the pitching. Plums Blather led the league in strikeouts. Hatfield Suzuki and Hops Chen are not far behind them. Their worst pitcher is better than the league average by ERA. They have some very good defenders up and down the lineup, but their standout player by volume is Brooklyn Nottingham, who is also their best hitter by OPS and the 4th most valuable position player in the league by WAA. Unfortunately, only having two hitters (Stretch Sutton being the other) who can actually hit is kind of an issue. A big key to their punchless offense is how station-to-station it is, with their league worst lineup Stealth score. Perhaps Vernon Glump will help, retrieved via Yeet.

13. THE PHILLY PIES

“A team that is its own Bizarro team.”
S2 Run Differential: -5 Lineup OPS+ rank: #11, 98.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #14, 101.5 Team OAA rank: #17, -9.4

This Blaseball team comes into its games fighting for its life against itself. There are good players on this team! Four top fifty WAA players in the lineup! Amos Parveen! Siobhan Chark! Tucker Thane! Jira Sealegs! But there are also four bottom forty players! Bevan Wise! Ariadne Amaat! Dimi Wobbler! Lucas Petty! What about pitchers? Three top twenty pitchers by WAA! Steals Chark! Pudge Nakamoto! Marco Escobar! But also! Two bottom ten pitchers! Augusto Reddick! Thomas Marsh! When this team finally defeats its true demon, itself, it will become a contender.

14. THE MIAMI DALE

“The best team Alternates can buy. Turns out Alternates can’t buy much.”
S2 Run Differential: -8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #16, 96.2 Rotation ERA- rank: #8, 90.9 Team OAA rank: #10, 24.1

Really good, well-rounded players are hard to generate. This is the lesson I feel like we learn from alternates. The Dale alternated four players on their team after the season one election, including one twice, and it feels…fine? Serge Shortvat joined Sixpack Santiago with double S names and also having defensive skill, Una Manhattan became a little better than league average as a pitcher, and Eddie Mulberry took two alternations and is the 200th worst position player in the league by WAA. Joe Voorhees is an excellent slugger and Malik Romayne is a great pitcher, but this Blaseball team needed better results from their alternates, and what they got was a whole plate of meh.

15. THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

“Stan Van Gundy Voice: Form a freaking wall!”
S2 Run Differential: -52 Lineup OPS+ rank: #20, 94.9 Rotation ERA- rank: #13, 99.9 Team OAA rank: #3, 41.2

Wind Sprints is an interesting boost because it can function as a boost to a middling pitching staff as well as a slight boost to team overall slugging, at least in theory. How much that will do for a Blaseball team that struggles to hit the ball will be interesting, but the run prevention results should be good for a team that has great Reach/Magnet numbers across the board. The Talkers already had the boringly named Scott Gray as a top twenty WAA player and solid infield hitter. Now, the defensive buff gives them three players over 1 Magnet in Jay Camacho, Donna Milicic, and Khulan Sagaba. Eris Street was already a strong pitcher for the Talkers, but the rest of a fairly mediocre rotation should get pulled up by this Blaseball team’s wall of defense.

16. THE SEATTLE GARAGES

“I got it, I got it, I got it, I don’t got it.”
S2 Run Differential: -56 Lineup OPS+ rank: #7, 103 Rotation ERA- rank: #21, 118.1 Team OAA rank: #24, -89.5

The thing that seems to separate the middling Blaseball teams from the bad teams appears to be this: elite baddies. The absolute worst players out there, often in multiple. This brings us to the Garages. They won a thwack boost and have a top ten offense. Normally, 1) winning a boost and 2) hitting well, means success, but nope. This Blaseball team has an anti-MVP. Susan Witherspoon is the team’s leading fielder with 474 chances, and fields at a .601 DER (League average is .709).  Susan also can’t hit. Combine all that, and WAA has them pegged as the second worst player in the game, producing -6.8 wins this past season. A large chunk of the remaining lineup isn’t much better on defense, with four other players below league average. This is unfortunate for Brisket Friendo, the pitcher WAA thinks is the best in the league two seasons running. There are good hitters here, like Hendricks Richardson and a good name in Sheev Shriffle, plus a potentially beastly hitter in Chambers Simmons doing King Arthur stuff, but this team needs some fielding drills, badly.

17. THE DALLAS STEAKS

“Nobody on the infield. It’ll definitely work.”
S2 Run Differential: -62 Lineup OPS+ rank: #20, 96.7 Rotation ERA- rank: #18, 105.8 Team OAA rank: #4, 40.6

The Steaks have the backbone of a good run prevention Blaseball team, and a smattering of good but not great players mixed in with a roster of mostly below average folk. Their worst player is probably pitcher Archie Lampman, but a pitcher in the current schedule only throws 18 games a season, so it could be worse. Unfortunately, their best players have some drawbacks. Vanille Okidoke is an awesome name and a good hitter with bad defense, Baby Sliders is a good defender with bad hitting, and Agan Harrison is a good pitcher but, again, 18 games a season. Their defensive positioning, which has everyone in the outfield, means Sliders is their closest player to the defensively valuable area (good) but has to range out of position to cover it entirely (bad). The Steaks need to, uh, cook more.

18. THE CHICAGO FIREFIGHTERS

“NEEERRRRDDDDDD!!!”
S2 Run Differential: -91 Lineup OPS+ rank: #24, 80.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #5, 86.4 Team OAA rank: #7, 36

At the bottom of the league, there are three types of Blaseball teams. Ones that can’t hit, ones that can’t prevent runs, and ones that can’t do a damn thing. The Firefighters are the type that can’t hit, and I’m making a not so bold pronouncement that is the second worst problem aside from being completely terrible. The Firefighters lack of hitting is uniquely bad. Most teams have at least one or two elite to very good hitters. The Firefighters are the only Blaseball team without a single hitter above league average by OPS. Not one. Now, Yosh Carpenter is a top 30 WAA player strictly because of defense, but when your best position player hits under .200, that is tough. Nerd Pacheco and Lupita Juice also contribute to a very good defense, and WAA thinks the FFs have two top five pitchers in Don Elliott and Karato Rangel, but this team needs somebody, literally anybody, who can hit. A single damn person!

19. THE OHIO WORMS

“The less extreme version of the Lift!”
S2 Run Differential: -118 Lineup OPS+ rank: #13, 97.6 Rotation ERA- rank: #22, 121.7 Team OAA rank: #12, 11.1

This team is bizarre. Let’s try to take it piece by piece. Malin Hsu and Itsuki Weeks are both good hitters, but the entire rest of the lineup is extremely average or below that, yet never quite trawling the bottom of the league like some other bad Blaseball teams. Arturo Huerta is probably a top 30 pitcher but the rest of the staff is awful and guileless (lowest rotation Guile in the league). The defense has some very good defenders on it (Badgerson Stromboli) but the two players who fielded the most for them by far are Malin Hsu and Archie Yanez, who together have sucked up 1211 opportunities out of the team’s total of 2721 and are extremely bad at defending. This team’s problems seem so…particular that I have no idea what to say here so let’s move on.

20. THE HOUSTON SPIES

“Striking out in multiple senses of the phrase.”
S2 Run Differential: -166 Lineup OPS+ rank: #17, 96.1 Rotation ERA- rank: #20, 114.6 Team OAA rank: #20, -40.5

When you start diving into the Spies numbers, you kind of get why they might be packing it in for a team-wide strikeout. If you scan the WAA leaderboard, you have to scroll down a bit before you see a Spy hitter, Rivers Rosa at #60. Rosa played in 41 games before being incinerated, replaced by Mimosa Arslan who was doing pretty well, and then also got incinerated. Bees Gorczyca loves to field a ton of balls and is very bad at it. Wyatt Mason IV is at least an ace, but former legends Howell Franklin and Margarito Nava are horrendous pitchers. The team had 14 different players take at-bats in their lineup, a tumultuous second season due to weather and other factors. This is pretty rough, but there’s not much more the sim can do to screw stuff up, surely!

21. THE LA UNLIMITED TACOS

“Give us some damn wills.”
S2 Run Differential: -171 Lineup OPS+ rank: #21, 86.6 Rotation ERA- rank: #19, 108.7 Team OAA rank: #18, -20.2

Well, good news. The Tacos won one of the most effective blessings in the game. The bad news? Everything else, especially the large number of players they have doing the wrong thing on the field. Jenkins Good is a fine hitter who would be an awesome pitcher. Nigel Candy is one of the worst hitters in the league who should be pitching.  Yulia Skitter is a terrible pitcher who should be hitting. The shadows and, uh, the dirt are housing a lot of potential upgrades to the lineup. The pitching staff is without note for the most part, but at least the lineup has a few gems. Malik Destiny is a top ten player by WAA in the league and an excellent slugger, plus Piper Legume was a nice incineration replacement and a good overall player. If only the roster could be shuffled around…

22. THE NEW YORK MILLENNIALS

“There’s a player named Guacamole on the team.”
S2 Run Differential: -207 Lineup OPS+ rank: #15, 97.3 Rotation ERA- rank: #23, 138.7 Team OAA rank: #23, -85.2

The Mills don’t have a terrible lineup to build from. Offensively, anyway. Hernando Winter is an excellent hitter and Clayton Legume ain’t bad either. Run prevention is unfortunately a nightmare. Bennett Bluesky is a good pitcher whose ERA is worse than it should be because of this defense. The non-Bluesky pitchers are giving up an average of 6-10 runs per game, with Jonathan Catalina being the second worst pitcher in the league by WAA. There’s some hope for improvement, slim as it is. Ren Hunter’s defensive buff might be enough to juice the defensive efficiency a bit out of the basement of the league. Realistically though, this Blaseball team is going to need some work. Old people are going to make millennial jokes about this team for a while.

23. THE HADES TIGERS

“The mighty have fallen, but did they have to fall like this?”
S2 Run Differential: -220 Lineup OPS+ rank: #23, 83 Rotation ERA- rank: #15, 105.4 Team OAA rank: #9, 29.8

The once dominant Tigers of the Discipline Era are, these guys are not. The Hades Tigers are about as punchless as it gets, with the league’s worst average of batting stars in the lineup. The Velasquez Alstott incineration replacement Hana Wildebeest has been a massive step down in quality, both offensively and defensively, and in fact, perhaps they are making up for lost incineration time, because Leandra Beech and Steals Mondegreen were also incinerated in Season 2. Gloria Bugsnax was the worst position player in the league by WAA. Their highest ranked lineup player is Adrian Melon, the 76th highest WAA in the league. They have one of the best defensive players in the league, well-positioned and talented in Stevenson Heat, but Heat also is one of only two hitters in the league with a negative WRC+ (batting number that is extremely not good). Amaya Jackson is a top tier pitcher at least. I’d say they’re probably wishing they were fireproof again in the new era, but, eh, maybe not.

24. THE TOKYO LIFT

“Trying hard to turn every other team’s lineup into the Sunbeams.”
S2 Run Differential: -230 Lineup OPS+ rank: #12, 98.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #24, 145 Team OAA rank: #22, -84.6

If you’re going to be the worst Blaseball team in the league, at least be entertaining, and the Lift mostly live up to that. This team is built like it thinks it’s in a home run derby whenever it plays a game, a home run derby it usually loses. The team’s ERA is 7.24. Look at that! Just look at it! The third worst Blaseball team in the league by ERA, the Worms, is a FULL RUN BETTER on average. This team on average has to score 8 runs just to win a game. To be fair, there is some offense here to make that occasionally possible. Roscoe Sundae and Vernon Cotterpin are two awesome sluggers, but the offense also features two of the worst position players in the league in Gumdrop Che Amran and Barry Burkhard. Silvia Rugrat is the worst pitcher in the league by WAA, the only pitcher to subtract 5 wins from their team. The Lift could be greatly improved just by having run prevention that wasn’t an utter tire fire, but their defense and pitching staff apparently enjoy numbers going up just as much as the rest of us.

Thanks to Bagyilisk, glumbaron, Abyline, and Sproutella for the Coronation Era statistics and advanced statistics.

-InnercityGriot, who’s a part of Blaseball Analysis Co, which you can find at https://blaseballanalysisco.libsyn.com/

The post Blaseball Not-So-Grand Siesta’s Speed Dating: Team Capsule Rundown and Review appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

With the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams’ Golden Record Notarized and the election complete, Season 2 of the Coronation Era is now officially a wrap. Let’s take a look at what happened to the League this election.

Decree: Bard Ump

The first big winner of the election was none other than the Bard Umpire, who is now “Bound” to the Book and will serve as the new Crew Chief as we head into Season 3. We don’t know much about what this will mean for the League as a whole, though theories are of course aplenty. 

What we do know: The Bard spent Season 2 cursing players with a “Can’t Lose” curse that left them hopping on bandwagons to join the winning team in each game they play. The sole player who managed to make it all the way to the Championship, Özlem Suttner, lost the curse and is now on the Sunbeams for the foreseeable future.

The other four remain in Awful Evil, the division with the least wins overall in Season 2. (Perhaps they should have gone somewhere else if they wanted to win so badly?)

The Bard Umpire also seems to have a soft spot for Scattered teams. So far, they have not targeted players on Scattered teams with their curse and have ruled in Favor of players on the Tacos, Lovers, and Spies (all Scattered). All three Favored players received stat boosts as a result.

The Big Three Blessings

As for Blessings, going into this election, there were three clear “must try” Blessings that every single team in the ILB seemed to be after. Blessings are a raffle, after all, and all it takes is one vote and a lot of luck. Here are the three teams who cashed in on some great luck this season.

Yellowstone Magic: NEW Pitching Boost

Magic just needed to improve their pitching and defense, or so they’ve been saying. Now, with two back-to-back elections of strong boosts covering both Pitching (S2) and Defense (S1), Yellowstone has everything they need.

LA Unlimited Tacos: NEW Batting Boost

Winning the same boost that helped carry the Sunbeams to their S2 championship, the Tacos are one of the biggest winners of the S2 election. The NEW Batting Boost puts the Tacos’ bats at second overall in the league by stars. Congratulations to Erin Beanbag in particular for learning which end of the bat to hold.

Canada Moist Talkers: Wind Sprints

Wow it really happened again huh. one person in canada typed “vote, wimdy?” into aol dot com and Blaseball said “well you gotta hand it to them, they make a compelling case”. Congrats to the Talkers on receiving Wind Sprints, catapulting them to the highest rated Defense and fifth highest rated Running league-wide.

All According to Plan

There were also three teams with more unique plans this election who managed to win their top picks. From ridding themselves of unwanted players to chasing plot, here are the teams who managed to pull it off:

Houston Spies: Knight Strike

It was all part of ||The Plan||. After wimdying Strike Zero last election and earning “Strike 1,” ||The Spies|| went all-in to find out exactly what happens when someone presses the funny red button labeled “DANGER.” Winning the Knight Strike Blessing, the Spies earned themselves “Strike 2” and sent Mechs’ pitcher Chibodee Alighieri on a mysterious Side Quest in the Shadows. 

The Mechs’ replacement is a small step down but it won’t change much for S3 for the Mechs. For the Spies, it is likely a relief that their own curiosity didn’t have more devastating impacts for their Awful, Evil neighbors.

Mexico City Wild Wings: Shadow Play

Two seasons in a row ain’t bad! With 25% of the votes, the Wild Wings were able to banish Baker Caster to the Shadows, despite the sim deleting them from the game for a short time instead. While they had surely hoped to pull Fletcher Peck or questing Letitia Diop from the Shadows, Atma Blueberry is still a significant improvement at bat over Caster. While Blueberry is also a defensive liability, Caster was hardly a star on defense. With 28.7 Outs Above Average Jefferson de la Cruz sitting at Left Field above Blueberry, their bad defense will hopefully be mitigated.

Kansas City Breath Mints: Yeet

With nearly a quarter of the votes, the Mints decisively Yeeted Jesse Tredwell—one of the worst batters in the league—back into the Black Hole. In return, they received  Vernon Glump, who has very high Sight and Thwack but very low Ferocity. This unusual spread means we don’t have much of an idea of how they will perform, but they will surely be better than Jesse. Surely. A small improvement for the Mints, who were once again trying to fix their offense, badly hurt by losing top batter Mindy Kugel. Plus, Jesse was a liability in the infield, and though Glump isn’t much better, they should see much less action in left high field – another silver lining.

Something is Better than Nothing

For those who missed out on the big Blessings, five more teams still managed to win Blessings that should improve the team at least some.

New York Millennials: Ball Hawk

The Mills won one of their secondary picks, Ball Hawk, offering a small improvement to their fielding. Ren Hunter, one of the Mills’ better defenders, is now at midfield with a nice boost to Reach to cover more of the field. While it won’t solve all of the Mills’ woes, it is certainly a step in the right direction.

Boston Flowers: Strong Start

Winning Strong Start was surely not the Flowers’ first pick, but it’s not without some likely benefits. Their most powerful hitters are now back to back at the start of the lineup, rather than scattered between mediocre to bad hitters. This should give the Flowers more chances to pull off rallies and avoid the disappointment of their best hitters left stranded in scoring position. Only time will tell though how much this helps the teams’ offense.

Charleston Shoe Thieves: Telekenesis

With a wimdy vote for Telekinesis, Kit Adamses got a nice boost to control, which should result in fewer balls and walks. It probably won’t be enough to give the Thieves a real edge in the highly competitive Awful Good division, but it may help win a few matchups. A shame it wasn’t a batting boost.

Technically, It Was a Blessing

And then there were the Blessings that, all in all, probably won’t really change much at all. In the hands of other teams or with some better rolls, some of these might have been a nice improvement, but alas. 

Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams: Learn to Defend

Among one of the funnier election results, The Sunbeams wimdied Learn to Defend, rerolling Guozhi Ong’s defensive stats. It seems the training camp Ong went to was, however, mostly a pamphlet that said “don’t.” It certainly won’t help Beams’ defense much, but the Beams already proved they don’t need defense to win a championship.

San Francisco Lovers: Magnetic Fielder

Another defense blessing, another funny result, as the Lovers won Magnetic Fielder, giving Alvie Kesh a rather unnecessary boost to magnet. Kesh fielded only 7% of plays for the Lovers last season and is expected to continue to make no effort to cover any other portion of the field. In the rare cases the ball flies directly to Kesh, however, Kesh will do a great job fielding those plays.

Chicago Firefighters: Dark Matter

After winning the Dark Matter blessing, the Fighters’ active roster looks, well, exactly the same as it did before. All five players went to the team’s Shadows, so it remains to be seen when any of these players might actually see play. Stats-wise, the Fighters got a few players who’d be a step up from others on their active roster, though no true standouts. The Fighters also got the return of an OG, Grit Watson, who has yet to see play in any known era but has many long-time (and lore-minded) fans excited. 

The Strikes

Finally, there were the Strikes. While the Spies had hoped to hedge their bets and encouraged all teams in Awful Evil to go for a Strike in the case that getting hit might increase the Spies’ Strike count, it seemed none of the coordinated voting teams on the official Blaseball fan chat had any real interest in striking other teams. That left these Blessings as generally uncompetitive and not particularly beloved by the teams that won or got hit by them, save for the Spies above.

Tokyo Lift: Rogue Strike (Ohio Worms)

While Lift fans posting on public forums had no plans to go for Rogue Strike, the blessing showed up in the team’s top three early in the season and stayed there, ultimately resulting in the Lift striking the Worms. (On the bright side, it seems at least one Lift fan on a message board was happy about the result.) Mediocre pitcher Johnnyboy Aster of the Ohio Worms was incinerated and replaced by mediocre pitcher Luis Baron. It turns out that even when something happens in Ohio, nothing really happens in Ohio. The Lift now have Strike 1.

Atlantis Georgias: Bard Strike (Houston Spies)

Speaking of the Worms though, former Worms player Scratch Deleuze was hit by the Bard’s Curse, giving hope for Worms’ fans that their beloved Expansion Era star might return briefly to Ohio. Scratch was a poetic target for the Georgias, too, who won the blessing with what was the smallest winning vote count so far this era (less than 200 votes total). Scratch, along with other Worms players, had earned a spot among Georgias’ fans’ (light-hearted) “Enemies List” for repeated painful losses to the Worms in the Expansion Era. The Georgias now have Strike 1.

Core Mechanics: Mage Strike (Dallas Steaks)

Rounding out the Strikes, the Mechs claimed the Mage Strike, alternating Steaks’ Buried player Yams Sokol. As with the Lift, this wasn’t a blessing Mechs’ fans on publicly wanted, given the franchise’s painful history with Alternates. Still, the blessing stayed in their top three on the ballot all week, with support coming from somewhere else. For the Steaks, Sokol might be a marginally better hitter or pitcher now, should they somehow get un-Buried and see play, though their defense took a significant hit. The Mechs now have Strike 1.

Everyone Else

Of course, with only 15 blessings up for grabs and 24 teams competing for them, seven teams had a completely uneventful election, with two more (Steaks and Worms) getting nothing more than the receiving end of another team’s strike. Those seven unaffected teams, for reference, were: 

• Miami Dale
• Baltimore Crabs
• Philly Pies
• Hades Tigers
• Broken Ridge Jazz Hands
• Hawai’i Fridays
• Seattle Garages

The post Season 2 Blaseball Election: What Happened? appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Compiled by Cat Stlats

Season N1 gave us so much to consider, and not just stars and stats, but rules, regulations, and finally seeing how the game is going to be approached in this new era. With the season and finals in the books, it’s time for our seasonal Power Rankings, and what Power Rankings these are!

With the additional time available between seasons, our writers stepped up in every way, with networking out to more new contributors, a quality of analysis, and the largest number of power rankings ever submitted (TWENTY SEVEN)! Thank you everyone for that, you are all BNN. With that, a quick reminder that teams will be ranked by tiers, from Awful to Good, with a Hubris Index to show how much the writers agree (the lower the Hubris Index, the more the Writers agreed). All Estimations are the opinions of BNN and not stated as fact. That is, other than the Sunbeams, because this is the season of the Beams, and even Panama Dan knows it. This is your Season N2 Power Rankings, happy Blaseballing!

Awful

Chicago Firefighters

Hubris Index: 1.28

Listen, I’ve been with this team since Season 2 of Beta, so I’m going to level with you. The Firefighters don’t look good. They look maybe the worst they ever have. We came into Season N1 with amazing losing record, and quickly realized that we had two options: Improve, or Plateau.

In true Chicago fashion, we have had a third, worse answer thrust upon us: Get Worse. The [REDACTED] Houston Spies have delivered unto us Shaquille Torres, who, despite improving our batting by .2 stars overall, is still awful. This also extends the lineup so our semi-competent batters (citation needed) hit the ball even less.

Not to be dramatic, but Chicago is doomed. Our offense is bad, our defense is middling, our pitching is bad. We will pray again for blessings, but without Wills we simply have limited tools to enact change upon our team. For those of you with a sense of love and care in your hearts, I urge you to stop your reading here.

For those of you who are sickos like me, we can only pray that Season N2 brings with it a volley of Eclipse weather so we can roll these clowns again and pray for Wild Wings like results.

That’s Chicago Sports, baby!

–Riley H (@ChiBlaseball)

Los Angeles Unlimited Tacos

Hubris Index: 1.92

Last place in our subleague, thankfully Relegation doesn’t pass. We whiff on blessings to potentially improve two of the worst hitters in the league, Wanda Pothos and Moses Simmons. Wait no…Nigel Candy and Pernelongo al Wazir. There we go.

The best Taco pitcher (Sexton Wheeler, sorry I meant Tot Best) is slightly above average and would be last on some rotations in the league. Most of all we have Comfort Glover Yulia Skitter who would be much better suited at bat than on the mound and Patel Beyonce Jenkins Good who would be much better suited on the mound than at bat.

Overall, there is nothing NEW about the Tacos NEW Season 1 and the expectation is that our NEW Season 2 would be more of the same checks history book so, a slightly improved record but still one of the worst teams in the league according to this. Yeah, that seems correct.

–DeeJay

My esteemed colleague DeeJay’s assessment is mostly accurate, with one minor quibble: there’s no way the Tacos’ record is gonna improve.

–Benjy

Tokyo Lift

Hubris Index: 1.85

Lift bad.

After beating the firefighters to partytime and then playing like Hall to not be in the path of Relegation just in case, the Lift managed to win a blessing! Unfortunately, it’ll take more than one blessing to fix whatever’s happening in Tokyo, but fortunately we made our worst batter Red Hot, whatever that does. Suffice to say, we will be closer to party than parade for a long while.

-Spotter Pandora

New season, new universe, same party time host. I am inclined to say the Lift were robbed. I’d like to see what would happen if YOUR team played peak Mexico City 21 times!

Lift have a decent batting core with a few holes that fail to capitalize on opportunities. Pitching is fine. Gumdrop can’t seem to hold onto a ball to save their life. They aren’t the greatest team in the league, but Tokyo certainly isn’t the worst.

What the heck is a zone?

-Malst

New York Millennials

Hubris Index: 1.48

Nothing happened to the Millennials. Maybe that’s a good thing? Zephyr McCloud now “Cannot Lose”. Simon Haley went on a “Quest”. Terrell Bradley was Alternated. Former Firefighters Shadow and Wild Wings MVP Anastasia Isarobot was Incinerated.

From our first Season of the new Era, Ren Hunter was our top defender. Hernando Winter was our best hitter. Bennett Bluesky was our best pitcher. Best is relative, of course. This is a Team with a lot of work to do. Nothing happens to the Millennials.

The only element of note appears to be the potential recruitment of former Jazz Hand and brief Tiger (through a Feedback dance with Famous Owens at the Pocket’s LCD Soundsystem) Spears Rogers, who was seen falling to the Millennials/Lovers on Game 24.

Maybe Spears Rogers will be found.

Maybe Enhanced Party Time will arrive.

Maybe the Millennials will win a Blessing.

Maybe something will happen to the Millennials in Season N2.

–Clip Clipperson

Hades Tigers

Hubris Index: 2.89

Well, the team from WAY down under did not start off the NEW* era very well, finishing last in the second-worst division in Blaseball and posting an uncharacteristically poor record.

On the bright side, Mehdi Caper posted the best ERA in the league, Stevenson Heat is easily one of the best fielders in the league, and Zephyr McCloud had a solid power hitting season. In addition, the Tigers were lucky enough to have the best defense in terms of stats in the entire league!

On the not-so-bright side, the Tigers have three bad pitchers, some of the most atrocious hitting in the league, and are in a division with the Shoe Thieves, the defending champions who now have the best pitcher in the league, the Beams, who have far and away the best hitting in the league, the Crabs, who have the best batter in the league, and the Dale, a season N1 playoff team that improved some of their weaker players. And also the Pies, I guess.

In the election, the Tigers won the ‘Yeet’ blessing, sending their worst player, Eddie Tumblehome, into the black hole, or, uh, Philly I guess. The black hole supposedly burped out Frazier Tosser in return, but several sources have confirmed that he is buried under an inordinate amount of sand, and will need some time getting unburied. Plus, the opening of the book led to Zephyr McCloud gaining the modification ‘Can’t Lose,’ which means that he cannot lose. Surely this can only be a good thing! After all, nothing bad has ever happened to the Hades Tigers.

Expect more of the same in season N2 for the Tigers. At best they’ll do alright, at worst, uh oh. Fortunately, with some smart election planning and a little luck, the Tigers can start building their team around their stronger pieces like Caper, Jackson, and McCloud. It won’t happen right away, but success may not be far off for this NEW* Tigers team.

-benoak1999

One blind jump into the River Styx later and Hades comes out all the worse for wear in the conclusion of NEW Season One. I was really anxious about their future prospects. Boasting one of the highest defensive rosters in the league and an invaluable fielder in the form of Stevenson Heat, it looked like the Tigers were set to defend the gates of Taenarum with the fury of a wild animal. Yet within the same breath, the Tigers also showed off just how inoffensive their lineup really was. If it wasn’t for Zephyr McCloud, I don’t think the Tigers would have broken triple digit runs this season. In a particularly Ancient Grecian twist of fate, the very player that ended other teams’ offenses was also the ender of their own offensive pushes. And while the Trojan Wall of the Tiger’s defense was strong, it showed off some gaping, gift-horse sized holes in the form of Pitcher Elip Dean.

But we can’t focus on the negatives for long. Tigers don’t look back, and the future is – as always – hopeful. With Eddie Tumblehome yeeted into the darkest pit beyond time and space (Philadelphia), Frazier Tosser steps up sporting a can-do attitude and a dream. Their division got tougher, but strong bats can’t crack a solid foundation for the future. Only poor, uncharitable fate can unwind this stripe-laden team. Amaya Jackson and Mehdi Caper are two incredible pitchers, and Grit’s only 4 of 12 Labors away from becoming the hero that will drag the Tigers to victory. And there’s hope still, in Adrian Melon, Gloria Bugsnax, Clyde Fetch and Velasquez Alstott – all sporting OBPs over .200 (trust me, this is a big deal for the Tigers right now). Getting out of the trenches might feel like a Sisyphean task, but the Tigers have risen before. They’ll do it again.

Good offense gets you through the regular season. But good defense is what carries you through postseason. You’re 50% there, Tigers.

Hell, we haven’t even talked about the best part! Didn’t you see? Their best batter, Zephyr McCloud, can’t lose! So don’t worry. I’m sure Zephyr will lead their team to a perfect 90-0 season.

I’m sure of it.

–Nate

Canada Moist Talkers

Hubris Index: 2.16

Faced with a grueling slog of losses in the early season, Talker fans told each other “well, our defense is really good”. When faced with a grueling slog of losses in the mid-season, Talker fans told each other “like, the defense is solid though”. When faced with an improved performance in the late season, Talker fans – downcast, but no less moist – were found huddled in damp groups talking about “wind sprints” and “running” and “I mean the defense is good and we got Khulan Sagaba, there’s Eris Street, Haley, just, maybe next season if we can…”

But side by side with the pessimism and the desperate coping mechanisms, no Talker fan failed to appreciate Tad Seeth, no Talker fan failed to cheer whenever Tad the Lad, the great gross hope, stepped up to the plate. And no player failed to pitch and bat their way into the moist hearts of Talker fans. Great games were won against tournament favorites the Mexico City Wild Wings and whimpering games were lost against the New York Millennials. In the end, it was a mixed season but the stands were covered in spit – the sacred fluid flowed generously and with enthusiasm was given.

The future is bright for the Talkers, we say happy travels to Simon Haley as she embarks for the shadows on her Simon Quest, and with wide, wet eyes we stare at Abner Pothos in hope that their pitch be true in the coming season.

-misella

Mild

Ohio Worms

Hubris Index: 2.94

There are lots of inevitables in Blaseball. The fans will Open the Forbidden Book. The Mills will get knocked out in the 1st round of playoffs. The Mints “just need to fix their offense”. The Jazz Hands will have seasons of silence followed by intense tragedy.

And the Worms will always have a pitcher that personifies my hatred.

Oh, it didn’t start off that specific. The debut Worms S13 pitching staff was historic as a full unit: 70% more walks than any other team in history.

Then it was the “garbage dumping” seasons: S14 gave us the 1-13, 9.32 ERA NaN, who also brought the most discourse and conflict ever to be seen in Worms chat. S15 was 4-16 Luis Acevedo, with a bloated 9.9 walks in 9 innings. But all this was just a precursor, as my first true Beloathed was there the entire time, just below the surface. Like the worst of warts, the barest of threadbares … there was Patchwork Southwick.

Patchwork Southwick is somehow the Worms all-time Wins leader. That’s also good for the highest Franchise Win Leader Percentage for any leader of any franchise. And yet, Mr. Patchy’s Wild Ride is a manifestation of contradictions: A four time 20 game winner who lost EVERY important LateSeason and PostSeason game they started. An Underhanded pitcher who gave up a mountain of runs to walks & hits. Patchwork always managed to be “the second worst problem on a team with a few problems”. Anyone who has read my rantings on Twitter, Discord or here on BNN knows my antagonistic relationship with Patchy. Then, Blaseball was Nullified.

Yet the inevitable didn’t stop. Throughout the Short Circuits, the Worms always manage to have that one pitcher I focused my anger upon. 8.90 ERA Esmerelda McCollard getting the ball over 1.71 ERA Ashby Swandre in Gamma 3. Operation: Skip Yahya getting all the way to the finals, only to have the final game of the final series go to Yahya Jupiter (247 BB, 6.69 ERA) in Gamma 4.

Now, we enter the Coronation Era. When NaN fell on the 1st week of Fall Ball, I was concerned. NaN’s slot went to the Rotation, but he Received a replacement! A fresh name, a new face, a blank slate! Plus we had Winnie Hess! I declared in last week’s Power Rankings that, finally, after all this time … pitching was not the Worms’ problem. I declared the inevitable to be dead. Which, of course, was HUBRIS.

I give you the NEW* NaN, the Patchier Patchwork, The Ohno of Yahyas: Nathaniel Wilds.

3-15, 5.70 ERA (5th worst in ILB), 6.76 BB/9 (2nd worst in ILB).

How I hate them so, SO MUCH. These Worms will be TERRIBLE.

–Ifhbiff

Dallas Steaks

Hubris Index: 1.89

HAHAHAHA HUBRIS! I WAS RIGHT!!!! STEAKS ARE BAD. But not as bad as I thought.

Vanille Okidoke turns out to be the powerful pinch hitter of the beta Steaks dream, hitting a blistering 28 homers, putting them in second in the league. Abner Wood and Agan Espinoza round out the hard hitters with serious Ferocity of their own. The rest of the lineup, where it fails in batting prowess, seriously makes up in the defense. With the third best defense in the league and three whole 4 star defensive players, and a rotation not to shake a stick at, hey wait what’s Archie doing there?

Sandie Carver, Case Lancaster, and the other Agan (Harrison) are all star pitchers in their own right. Sandie is a strikeout machine with a truly tremendous strikeout to walk ratio of 28.5, 5th in the league! Case is our ERA leader, only allowing an average of 1.9 runs per game!! And Agan… Agan was our winningest pitcher (.500), as well as our WHIPiest pitcher with a walk and hit per inning average of 0.827, 25th in the league! Dovydas Peeps, our fourth pitcher, still holds their own, with a WHIP of 1.000. So who is tanking the rotation?

Archie Lampman. 15th worst ERA (4.8), only won 5 games, 1.4 homeruns per game, and the funniest stat for my favorite little guy, 1.2 strikeouts for every walk. Archie isn’t just a bad pitcher, they’re a Funny pitcher.

Okay so, it would definitely be easy to overestimate our team, especially since our schedule last week was so tough. However, with our former teammate Zephyr McCloud taking the heel position this era, I will take the hint and say Steaks Bad.

-Ophelia (@DallasSteaks)

San Francisco Lovers

Hubris Index: 2.32

Let’s start with the good: Erin Jesaulenko is easily one of the best pitchers in the ILB. Alvie Kesh, likewise, was among the best hitters in NEW Season 1—and not too shabby on the field either. Speaking of defense, Olive Patel put in the work for the Lovers this past season, fielding more than any other Lovers’ defender while breaking the top twenty league-wide in Outs Above Average.

Yet, despite these strengths, Lovers still have much work to do. With the exceptions of Kesh, Kingbird, and Baek, their lineup is struggling to keep pace with league averages, let alone truly shining. Kesh, tied for ninth in the league in dingers in N1, is in the key position to drive runners home and help the Lovers score big, but Schenn and Jang (and Kingbird) need to get on base to make it happen.

The Lovers’ bigger problem though is Durham Spaceman and Donia Dollie. Simply put, neither one knows how to pitch, and together they account for a depressing forty percent of Lovers’ games. Blimp Hardison and Joshua Watson aren’t exactly stellar pitchers either (though Spaceman and Dollie make both look good in comparison), leaving it to Jesaulenko and the fielders to somehow make up for deep holes in the rotation.

This season probably won’t be the Lovers’ finest, but it certainly won’t be the worst in the franchise’s history either. With a bit of luck and some key improvements, perhaps this season could be the start of an eventual journey to the top for the Lovers.

-boat

Philly Pies

Hubris Index: 2.21

After the first Season of the new era of Blaseball, it’s clear the Pies have lost a few steps. The Pies started the season tied for second-worst team, statistically, but thanks to some diamonds in the rough finished a respectable 14th in the league, and were in the hunt for a playoff spot right until the end.

Unfortunately, the Pies came up empty during the Election, and facing down a league that has only improved around them, the Pies are in for an uphill climb. More than ever, they’ll be leaning on ace pitchers like Marco Escobar and Steals Chark to pick up the slack.

This next season might be a Sisyphean struggle, and the team’s likely to slip in the rankings, but true flans know to never estimate the Pies. Hungry dogs run faster, and the Pies might just surprise you.

Now, if we could just get Eddie Tumblehome to leave the locker room and go back where he belongs…

-Slamdance

Houston Spies

Hubris Index: 2.36

Last week went all according to The Plan. A perfectly average team, nothing to see here. And, as planned, we have decided to go on strike. Placards are available in locker-

…Get a strike. My apologies. The Houston Spies are on Strike One. What does this mean? If you find ████ ████████ ██████ █████, ███████ █████ ████. As The Ticker once said: “Spies on strike? It’s in their blood.”

As for the team itself, the only change is Agent Bradley’s alternation at the hands of the █████████ Umpire. A much better defense, but will that make up for the lack of batting power?

Only one thing is clear. Spies ███.

-from the desk of agent kit

Miami Dale

Hubris Index: 2.83

Nothing Ever Bad Happens to the Florida Team. This week is no different than last week, We Wimdy’ed our way into NEW randomized Players which, in all honestly didn’t feel that new at all. Our 2.8612% got Alternates called for Edric Tosser (making them slightly better) Una Manhattan (making them slightly better) and Serge Shortvat (making them slightly less better). But the Dale Certified Funny Bit is Eddie Mulberry getting Alternated twice, thus making them… Just Normal Eddie Mulberry (with Two Alternates in their Player’s Card).

So you might be thinking, Hey “Scary”Gary, What does all that mean for the Dale? Well, dear reader, I am Glad you asked. It means DALE ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, DALE WILL ETCH THEIR WINS AND LOSSES INTO THE GOLDEN RECORDS OF BLASEBALL (See Rule 3 Section S (Stands for Surge Shortvat, of the Dale) of the New Book). THE VIBES WILL BE IMMACULATE, THE PARTIES FANTASTIC, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO THE FLORIDA TEAM.

–“Scary”Gary

Wild

Baltimore Crabs

Hubris Index: 1.65

The Crab knows where it ranks at all times. It knows this because it knows what rank it isn’t. By running from where it is to where it isn’t, or fielding where it isn’t from where it is (whichever is more important), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection uses deviations to generate corrective team changes to move the Crab from a ranking where it is, to a ranking where it isn’t, and upon arriving at a rank it wasn’t, it now is. Consequently, the ranking that it was, is now the ranking that it isn’t.

In the event that the ranking that it is in is not the ranking that it wasn’t, the psionic connection has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between what rank the Crab is, and what rank the Crab isn’t. If a variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the Black Hole. However, the Crab must also know what rank it was.

The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection scenario works as follows. Because Tiera Wigdoubt has modified some of the runs the Crab may obtain, it is not sure just what ranking it is. However, it is sure what ranking it isn’t, within reason, and it knows what ranking it was. It now subtracts what its ranking should be from what ranking it wasn’t, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of what ranking it shouldn’t be, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called hubris.

Thus, since the Crabs placed 13th in Season 1 (Crabs Bad), it stands to reason that the Crabs will be placed at least 11th in Season 2 (Crabs Good).

Expect this to flip-flop for the next six seasons.

–Nate

Boston Flowers

Hubris Index: 3.44

The Boston Flowers started off Season 1 looking Good. The team had one of the highest average Running and Vibes Stars in the League, and our pitching punched above its weight with two players, Spears Taylor and Amir Murphy showing up on the Strikeout Leaderboards on Day 23 in 1st and tied for 4th places respectively. The only thing that seemed to be missing was a solid batting core.

As the season went on it became clearer that the team was missing more than just a batting core – the team had more holes than an old wheelbarrow.

The lineup featured the second-worst JT in the league, amongst other notably bad hitters such as Kelvin Drumsolo. Our fielding was awkward with Jenkins Ingram eagerly fielding everything they could, even though they shouldn’t. Meanwhile Jessica Telephone stood around instead of using her high Magnet to score Outs. As the Days went on our pitchers started to fall off the leaderboards, as they couldn’t make up for the weaknesses in our batting or fielding, and we ultimately failed to make the Postseason.

Things weren’t all bad however, Zack Sanders ended up hitting the second-most doubles in the league AND hit the most triples.

The Boston Flowers were in desperate need of some tender love and care, and by god did they get it during the Election. We won the NEW Team Boost Blessing, boosting our entire teams Stars by 0.5, causing us to leapfrog many teams in average star counts.

The new and improved Boston Flowers now have the second-highest Running and the second-highest Pitching in the League, which is backed up by the highest Vibes across both the Lineup and the Rotation!

You best keep an eye on the Boston Flowers this Season as they’re sure to shoot into the top of the standings. Assuming we don’t get as Incinerated as hard as in the Discpline Era, of course.

–Kidror

Broken Ridge Jazz Hands

Hubris Index: 2.29

In every universe, every short circuit, every fresh roll, the Jazz Hands have had terrible to bad pitching. Standouts like Wyatt Pothos & August Sky are but two aces in a sea of walks and earned runs.

That has finally changed for the Hands. After winning the pitching blessing they have gone from dead last pitching to middling. A feat so horrifying to the Sim that the very gods had to destroy our beloved mountain.

With a strong core offense and average arms the Jazz have achieved a dream. Should be about on par with the Friday’s fresh rolls now.

-Malst

Hellmouths Open

Ridges Broken

Jazz waits for no man or god

We are coming.

-deafhobbit

Core Mechanics

Hubris Index: 2.26

“What do you mean I have to get out there and do the Power Rankings Core blurb? How did you even find me, it’s been years?! I’m not going out there, HAVE YOU SEEN THE FOUR SUN UMPS?! Not to mention the time travel shenanigans…fine alright, I’ll do it.”

The Core Mechanics have finished the first season of the ‘Coronation Era’ of Blaseball in 2nd place in the Awful Evil Division, missing out on the playoffs by four games to the Seattle Garages. Overall, it was a solid performance throughout the season with a late comeback to put us in playoff contention in the final few games.

The Mechs have found an early star within batter Sheri Friday who established themselves as one of the sport’s top batters this season. And, with potential future stars such as fan favourite pitcher Chorby Short, waiting in the wings aiming to make a huge impact for the team in the future.

That’s where we find the Mechanics, in “maintenance mode”. The Strong Start blessing from the Election allows the team to begin addressing their batting issues and lay the groundwork for future improvements. The team’s pitching in reality has been better than what their ILB Stars Rating would indicate, and overall, the team has no glaring weaknesses that need fundamentally addressing.

But, despite this, the Mechanics will likely just barely miss out again on a playoff place, given the improvements across the Evil League.

However, if the Mechanics proved anything after descending during the Expansion Era, it was their ability to compete within the playoffs, lifting two Championship titles within only five playoff appearances. Now, competing with the potential for their 6th ILB Championship title and entry into the Tournament of Champions, they are a team not to be written off lightly during this era.

-CraftedRobot

Hawai’i Fridays

Hubris Index: 3.12

Usually, the Hawai’i Fridays survive on vibes alone. A historically chill team on a mission to speedrun Party Time rather than vie for the playoffs, the Fridays rarely survive to the postseason. But armed with back to back batting duo Justice Spoon and Elijah Valenzuela, the Fridays beat out the Yellowstone Magic and overtook the Seattle Garages to be the #3 seed in the Awful Conference. Sure, they got swept 0-3 by the Georgias in the quarterfinals, but their record in the second half of the season was a strong performance we haven’t seen from the Fridays since the Discipline era. Far exceeding their 0.500 goal, days 60 through 90 saw the Fridays play with a 27-3 record—including a 15 win streak—raising their season record to 0.644. The Fridays even held their own against the season leader, the Wild Wings, to win a game with Anastasia Isarobot (may they rest in violence) at the mound.

Looking forward to season 2, the Fridays earned the Shore Up blessing with approximately 10% of the vote, boosting pitcher Svetlana Dickens’s Stealth (Running) by 5 stars. Though this does little to help her in the pitching rotation, you never know what position you’ll find yourself playing in blaseball! An unusually strong NEW* Season 1 Fall Ball showing spells a potential end to the Fridays’ consistent mediocrity, but fans will be relaxing on island time regardless of their teams performance in the Coronation Era seasons to come.

As a new fan, I’m happy to get acquainted with our new players and see what they have to show. Most diehard longtime Fridays fans are happy to have Elijah Valenzuela back and hope he can take on the Coronation Era with the same anti-establishment enthusiasm that has defined the rest of his blaseball career.

For now, we’re all staying tuned to see what the umpires throw at us in the offseason!

–Kaz

Seattle Garages

Hubris Index: 2.97

Guess whose Thwack in the house
Flannels flip-flappin’ about
Fine, fresh, hitting ’em, bats to 11
Our logline, ”Punks small-ballin'”
Other teams sweatin’
It’s tens on the scoreboard with no doubt
Triples like WOW!
Doubles ’bout to end this drought
Singles so plentiful, what hole in left field?
Should be criminal
Why defend when our hits are this loud?
…
Now they call…
Us…
Thwackers…

-incognito8, with no apologies to RuPaul

The Garages are once again postseason hopefuls in NEW Season 2. Last season the team was Sitting at a Troubled Medium (-P.S Eliot) of the extremely competitive Chaotic Evil division. The question on every fan’s mind: Can 1 star of Thwack make up for the Garages’ shortcomings during Season 1? The Magic are sprinting ahead and while the Wild Wings might be down, they’re certainly not out of the picture.

Does the team’s improved offense make up for the hole in the left field, or pitchers like Timmy Vine who just can’t seem to manage a good parking job? Can the Garages’ defense keep up with other offensive teams or will they be running Circles ‘Round the Moon(-Nana Grizol)? Will our friendship with the Yellowstone Magic be destroyed by bitter intra division rivalry? I know the answer to one of the questions: Never, park-park it besties.

Questions abound. All I can say for certain is, I’m excited to see some more Positive Contact(-Deltron 3030) from rising stars Chambers Simmons and Deion Gamage.

-Vivi and incognito8

Good

Atlantis Georgias

Hubris Index: 2.02

If historic precedent is any indication, one thing remained true going into this era, which is that the Georgias continue to be completely ignored by the Blaseball Gods. The Georgias managed to avoid any and all consequences from the Forbidden Book opening, but they also won exactly Zero blessings in the election, which instead ended up in the hands of teams they were already competitive with, like the Sunbeams, Shoe Thieves, and Mechanics.

For what it’s worth, I think the Georgias are still gonna be pretty good in Season 2. Nothing has changed about them since the last season, where the Georgias were among the best teams in the league. With batting talent like Mckinney Vaughan and Juan Murphy, and a rotation that would be consistently good if not for Justin Alstott, the Georgias remain one of the league’s most well-rounded teams.

Compared to other top contenders, however, the Georgias don’t have a lot that especially stands out, which ultimately I think will be their downfall. That, or their downfall will be inclement weather. The Georgias have never been one of the league’s luckiest teams. Who knows when one of their star players will be incinerated, or worse, banished to the shadows by a falling Knight Triumphant.

Expect good things from the Georgias in Season 2, just don’t expect one of those things to be a championship.

–jasmine

Kansas City Breath Mints

Hubris Index 1.87

The Coronation Era started off fantastically for the Breath Mints.

Landing in Chaotic Good – by far the weakest division – we made it into the Postseason unchallenged off the back of a top tier Rotation featuring League best pitcher Plums Blather, and an albeit mediocre offense (the more things change, the more they stay the same). Despite its mediocrity, our lineup still featured stars such as League Home Run Leader Stretch Sutton and defensive powerhouse Brooklyn “The Rock” Nottingham.

We lost to the eventual Season 1 Champions the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the Quarter Finals, making us arguably the second best team in the League by the end of the Season.

Naturally, the Breath Mints’ extreme organization came together for the election, resulting in us winning the Yeet blessing and ejecting offensive anchor Jesse Tredwell into the Black Ho-

We didn’t win Yeet? Okay, then Jesse was shadowed by Shadow Play right? We didn’t win that either? What DID we win?

Nothing? But then that would mean that Jesse Tredwell is still on the team.

Where’s Revoke? Where’s Move? I’ll even take a Foreshadow or an Alternate at this point. I miss Wills.

Regardless, the Breath Mints are still goo and will remain a top contender going into Season 2.

–Kidror

Yellowstone Magic

Hubris Index: 2.32

The first season of The Coronation Era brought some stellar vibes and energy to Yellowstone, from opening up with some Friday Night Magic alongside the Hawaii Fridays to the returning Inky Rutledge leading our lineup. Seeing ILB leading stellar slugger Kiki Avci spring to life was awe-inspiring, and well-known rat, Rat Mason, showed some serious chops thanks to his unreal levels of guile.

There were truly shining moments for many players on the roster as a whole, which unfortunately ran into some serious trouble spots in the form of the ILB Champion Mexico City, Baltimore, and Canada. The last two of which seemingly had Yellowstone’s number despite less than stellar performances against other teams. Season N2 for Yellowstone is already looking WAY uppie, and not just because the extra stars for the Lineup from elections. There is, however, something else that Yellowstone can do, right now, to secure an all more assured victory in New Season 2.

They get out the shovels.

Why, you ask? Because life’s a garden, and you gotta dig it, and what better to dig out of any garden than one of the greatest Boston Flowers players of all time, Jacob “Just a Guy” Haynes. During a game this season in the Park Park, Jacob Haynes fell from the Black Hole without striking a player, and thus was buried without entering any shadows. That’s right, 5.6 star former amazing slugger and possibly the worst base stealer ever, Jacob Haynes.

Following in the fate-ladened footsteps of King Weatherman from Season 12, Jacob would be a stellar addition to a lineup ready to pop off with the consistent home run and on base power that he brings. On top of that, it’s vital to remember that Jacob’s JUST a guy. He’s a frighteningly normal dude who can hold his own against the supernatural and magical on a daily basis. He wakes up in the morning, gets his Dunks, and gets to training, every day of the week. His excessively normal nature is part of where his power comes from, instead of eldritch or mechanical might, he embraces the extreme of being common, every day, even average. What would be a better complement to some of the most magically astute wizards, witches, and squid(s)?

To be clear, however, we have no idea where he’s ACTUALLY buried, but what the heck, why not.

So start digging up the Park Park on a gamble, we’ve got a Jacob to find, and while you’re at it, maybe blast JUST A GUY a time or two, just for good measure.

–Dan Hahn

Help me, I’m so scared, I was told Magic was 5th in the Evil Conference, so I went on a [LEGALLY ACQUIRED DRUG]-fueled bender and ended up 6 miles deep into Yellowstone National park. When I awoke with a fright, I stumbled and crawled my way through dense forest, rocky crags, and wet water, until I finally made it to the gate out of here. as I gasped and raced towards my freedom, I was stopped by an imposing figure. It was Demet Cabrera. They were 18 feet tall (the equivalent of their current star count) and spoke in a voice that shattered stone. I can’t quite recall what they said because my ears ruptured from the decibels they were belting out, but it was probably something about needing a pass. I do not have a pass, so now I am not allowed out. There was also something about a fine but I don’t have any money, so I had to go back the way I came.

How the hell did I get in, and how the hell do I get out? Did I wake up in a new dimension? Why is everyone telling me “Magic has the highest defense rating in the League”? Someone else has to handle what’s going on with the Magic, because I’ve clearly woken up on the wrong side of reality. What ever happened to All Bats Just Right Yellowstone Blaseball?

–Nate

Mexico City Wild Wings

Hubris Index: 1.02

I went to Asastasia Isarobot’s funeral today.

I mean, I’m paid to, it’s literally my job, but also I wanted to. This version of the team has only existed for such a short time, but already you could see a league powerhouse forming. There’s hitting here for days; Katja Twain is a highlight, but Letitia Diop and Baldwin Jones are no slouches. But Anastasia’s loss hurts, both in the way that the sudden loss of a friend, a teammate, a leader hurts, and also specifically in the way that there were a lot of wins Anastasia pitched, and it’s an open question how many of those Göran Ndoye can replace.

The good news for the Wings is that I was speaking to James Boy at the funeral, and they said that they have completely recovered from being struck by Carter O’Conner falling at near-terminal velocity from the black hole in Game 12 and should be returning to the line-up this season. We in the Wild Wings Press Box all wish Atma Blueberry and Fletcher Peck a speedy recovery from being hit by Jefferson De La Cruz and Yusef Puddles respectively.

It’s hard to predict what this roster turmoil will ultimately mean for this team; by first appearances they will be a worse team than last season, but depending on how severe that dropoff is, a worse team than last season could still be one of the top teams in the league. But as I am often reminded, the league is unpredictable and disaster could strike any team at any time.

After all, I went to Asatasia Isarobot’s funeral today. Rest in Violence.

-Spludge237

Charleston Shoe Thieves

Hubris Index: 1.15

Yes, the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams have seen their hitting boosted across the board, adding more power to an already potent lineup. They will be hard to beat. But you beat offense with good pitching and defense, and the Shoe Thieves have both in abundance.

Charleston finished with the best ERA in ILB in Season 1 of what is now the Coronation Era, fueled by a top-five K/BB ratio and the best hit suppression in the league. They’ve added a perfect pitcher via the election process in Derrick Krueger, whose scouting report suggests will slot in as an ace ahead of already amazing pitchers in Kathy Matthews and Premjeet Liu to form a trio of nearly unbeatable arms in the rotation for Charleston.

If the ball does go into play, the best defense in Blaseball will be waiting, led by Penelope Berkowitz, will be there to take away hits other teams would allow.

The offense, featuring Jammy Decksetter and Fish Summer, is more than good enough, ranking in the Top 10 in my predictive OPS+ metric heading into Season 2. This is a team without a weakness and ready to upset the overwhelming favorite Sunbeams and claim two straight championships.

-Firewall Andrews

Hellmouth Sunbeams

Hubris Index: 0.42

Hoo boy. Oh man. Panama Dan, you’re in it now. Okay, deep breath, you gotta do this, you’re just gonna have to do this, go home, and take your lumps.

In the preseason, I flatly refused to estimate the Sunbeams. I’ll do it, I’m not afraid of it, but I gotta have data to back me up. Well, now I have data, and the only thing I can do is directly estimate the Sunbeams.

And I am forced, as I am sure many of my colleagues are, to directly estimate the Sunbeams as the odds on favorites going into the next season. The Sunbeams batting squad, freshly juiced off of the Batter Boost blessing, looks to be completely unstoppable headed into season 2. Even the new best batter on the Crabs, Tiara Wigdoubt, can’t compete with some of these Boosted Beams. In an Awful Good that was already the most competitive division at the top, almost every team improved,. But despite the Shoe Thieves gaining Derrick Kreuger and the Crabs with the aforementioned Tiana, none of this compares to the impact of a full star amongst an entire batting lineup.

With the Wild Wings getting worse due to the loss of their star pitcher and batter, It’s hard to see who can compete with the Sunbeams for the regular season record.

These aren’t even your Sunbeams of old. Dunn Keyes and Mooney Doctor are legitimate pitching threats, probably in the top 10 of all pitchers, and the Sunbeams defense, while bad, isn’t the catastrophic liability it was in Beta.

But, as with all flights, and as the Beams are prone to do, is this just flying too close to the sun? Is this season 11, where the Sunbeams launched into the stratosphere and couldn’t be stopped, or season 13, where the Beams inexplicably crash down to earth despite getting demonstrably better.

It remains to be seen, but without the gift (or curse) of prophecy, this reporter has only one choice, in their estimation.

Sunbeams #1.

–Panama Dan

Imagine you are in a desert and come across a cube. How large is it? What is it made of? How round is it?

Now, you see a ladder. What material is it made of? How tall is it? Is it above the cube, next to it, on the ground, or where else? How far down does it lead?

Then, picture a horse. Where is it? What is it doing? How many legs does it have? How threatening is it?

Next, picture flowers. How many do you see? What kinds of flowers are they? What do their roots burrow into, thin plant strands gently choking…what? And how long ago did it die?

Finally, a thunderstorm begins. How violent is it? How far away is the lightning? How powerful is the thunder which comes after? What’s raining down on you, and why do you immediately seek shelter? What colour is the sky, and why is there no word for it?

…

The cube is you! You are the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams. It’s large because you are a strong and confident team, coming off a great season and an even better offseason. It’s floating because you plan to soar above the rest of the division, carried by the immense power of your offense. It’s made of glass, because your defense sucks ass. But that’s okay.

The ladder is your division! Chaotic Good is a deep dark hole where you, the most dangerous team in the postseason, the team who wants a ring the hardest despite the game being rigged against them, the ILB’s most consistently successful team from way down under, the greatest team in Blaseball history and the Baltimore Crabs try to shiv each other in the dark. And there’s only so much space on that ladder, and the blood makes it slick and slippery…

The horse is a symbol of your ideal self! That’s why it has many legs, with many human hands that can hold many, many bats.

Flowers signify your legacy! They’re bright yellow sunflowers, rings of gold representing the many you are expected to win, growing on the corpse of your previous, unestimatable, self.

The thunderstorm reveals your fears! It’s directly in front of you, hanging over your clear future, and it drizzles down shoelaces. Because all the bats in the world may not matter if you can’t hit the ball into play…

-Dargo

The post The Return(s): Season N2 Blaseball Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

(So is the discipline era).

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the traditional full Season recap! I hope you’re ready to buckle in and read about some of the most exciting happenings of our beloved Season 10. Ascension was finally achieved and there seems to be a new Boss in town. Oh, yeah, we also killed a god.

At the end of Blaseball Season 9 – Discipline Era: Forecast, three Decrees were passed by the Blaseball community: Forecast: Birds, Forecast: Blooddrain, and Forecast: Solar Eclipse.

These three weather types had established and known effects upon our beloved Players. Birds often did nothing, except for occasionally chewing a Shelled player out of their Shell (more on that later). The Blooddrain, when it gurgled, allowed a Player to siphon ability from one of their opponents. The Solar Eclipses… well… During those, Rogue Umpires would often Incinerate players, sending them straight to the Hall of Flame as a replacement was called up.

These Decrees, in addition to setting the weather for Season 10 to only these three, modified Players on every team.

• Forecast: Birds gave a Pitcher on each Team “Friend of Crows,” allowing them to encourage birds to attack a Batter during Birds weather, causing an Out.
• Forecast: Blooddrain made a Player on every Team a Siphoner, making them siphon blood more often during Blooddrain weather. Also, Siphoning could remove a ball from a pitch count or add a defensive Out.
• Forecast: Solar Eclipse gave a Batter on each team Fire Eater, causing them to swallow fire instead of being Incinerated during a Solar Eclipse. When a Player swallowed fire, the became Magmatic and hit a home run in their next at bat.

These new and special effects hurt and hindered Players and Teams throughout the League, but the main attraction was the pure amount of Blooddraining all those Siphoners caused.

There were 84 Siphons in 99 Days. The next closest in a Season has been 29, in Season 7.

A major benefitiary of all of this Blooddraining was Richardson Graves of the Charleston Shoe Thieves, who became the best Defensive player in recorded ILB history, in addition to being the first Seven Star player in any statistical area.

Somehow, with all of the Solar Eclipses, only two Players were Incinerated. However, these fan favorite Players are sure to be missed.

RIV YEONG-HO BENITEZ OF THE PHILLY PIES.

RIV ANNIE ROLAND OF THE YELLOWSTONE MAGIC.

Welcome to the League, Yusef Puddles and Bonk Jokes!

Following a Regular Season that was filled with relatively few surprises (at least to me!) we entered a Postseason that started off with a bang. The Wild Card Round was drawn up, pulling the Hellmouth Sunbeams and New York Millennials out of #PartyTime to face off against the 4th Place teams from both Leagues, the Unlimited Tacos and Philly Pies.

Well:

The Millenials & Sunbeams quickly completed 2-0 defeats of their opponents and we moved on with the rest of the playoffs. Skipping to the Finals, the Playoffs worked out like this:

The Baltimore Crabs quickly sent the Shoe Thieves packing with a 3-0 defeat, preventing another big comeback from the very same team that was their opponent the year before.

The Crabs, with a fresh League Championship under their belt, then got the honor to face off against the Terrifying and Horrible Shelled One’s Pods, a team formed by the Big Peanut that’s been lurking around for the majority of the Discipline era, almost entirely out of players that happened to be Shelled at the conclusion of Season 9.

I would write something about the grand battle between The Shelled One and the Most Powerful Dynasty That Blaseball Has Ever Seen (Crabs) here or give you an image to look at, but I simply don’t have much more information than this:

The Shelled One’s hit a single Single, completely and instantly demolishing the Team Spirit of the Crabs, defeating them in one Pitch.

“Landry Violence Rises.”

Oh, what a beautiful thing to see, what a beautiful thing to read. The Monitor appeared to fight the Shelled One, bringing with it all of our past Incinerated friends, fourteen of them in fact, like it had promised us so long ago that it would.

With a monstrous Team Spirit Bar that dwarfed even the Shelled One’s (the Hall Star’s Spirit was roughly equal to the total tribute to the 14 players), the two teams went to battle.

The teams went back and forth, exchanging inning after inning of hits, ours, strikes, balls, and home runs. Sebastian Telephone, a member of the Hall Stars, was tragically Incinerated once again, a mere few innings back into his second lease on life (RIV). Axel Trololol and Jaylen Hotdogfingers (who was sent back to the Hall of Flame in Idol Board high jinks we don’t have the time to cover today [Spoiler: Tillman Henderson was brought back from the dead. Largely accidentally]) swapped between the teams continually (Though both were Saboteurs who sometimes purposefully failed while on the Shelled Ones). Other intense happenings, well, happened.

It was a game of Blaseball but yet, so much more.

As the Monitor loomed behind an increasingly irate Shelled One, Landry Violence became Magmatic (Thanks to their Fire Eater perk gained through aforementioned Idol Board happenings) and slammed a home run, putting the Shelled Ones on the ropes.

With a final Homer from the iconic fan-favorite and former New York Millennial, Dominic Marijuana, the Shelled One’s Pods were defeated.

The moral of the story is that victory is sweet, but Peanuts are bland.

Also, we beat a god.

We Are All Love Blaseball.

There’s much, much more to discuss about the Election and preceding events, such as the Ascension of the Crabs, and a new Team added to the ILB. And… well…

Keep an eye out for that tomorrow.

the ceo commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post The Full Season 10 Recap. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

SEASON 6 is finished.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with another hot end of Season recap to go over… well, the entire Season! This is my first recap of the entirety of Season 6, because I was on vacation! It was such a wildly packed Season, making it a bit of a bad one to be gone for. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

As is tradition in Blaseball, a new Season meant new weather conditions for our beloved Hitters and Batters to have to contend with. While I’m not quite sure how it could be considered weather, the Blooddrain gurgled across every single Stadium in the League this Season, enabling players to siphon off a half star of ability from another player every time it occurred.

Whether it be a Batter stealing Hitting from a Pitcher, or a Pitcher siphoning some Pitching skills from a defending Hitter, this weather subtlety moved play making ability around the League without being flashy.

Also, it’s kinda gross to see happen.

Following their placement into the Mild League, the Mexico City Wild Wings sued the Blaseball Gods for defamation of character, irreparable material damages, and “serious Grade A bull.” The Wild Wings apparently took their name and spiciness quite seriously, if they were willing to go to court over it.

Parker, the Blaseball Commissioner Prime Minister Intern(?) wasn’t quite sure how to the handle the case, but at different times declared the case dismissed, the court being adjourned, a mistrial, and a hung jury.

In the end, the Blaseball Gods seem to have taken their revenge on the… team from Mexico City and their Legal team has dropped the case, probably having run up against the seemingly infinite legal power of Blaseball itself.

Everything that could go right for the Baltimore Crabs went right this Season. They started off by gaining four Blessings that majorly jacked their entire lineup and snagged them Ace Pitcher Axel Trololol. Even after having their star Batter, Nagomi Mcdaniel, stolen by the Breckenridge Jazz Hands within the same round of Blessings, they assembled what was easily the best Blaseball roster of all time by Star count.

Spoiler, they lived up to expectations.

Going on a record-setting 22 win streak on their way to a final record of 80-19 (the best Regular season record in Blaseball history by 8 games), the Crabs easily handled every opponent put in their way. They even managed to sweep the Boston Flowers, Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and Seattle Garages on their way to winning the ILB Championship, their first time hoisting the title.

Good job, Crabs. Hopefully there will never be a team this dominant again.

At the beginning of Season 6, many fans of Blaseball were worried that the Season would become quite boring. The new Leagues and Divisions set up a certain subsection of Teams for success, while the Blaseball Crabs looked prepared to dominate. Oh yeah, also the Season 5 Runner-Up Jazz Hands picked up a 6* Hitter with 5.5* Base-running and 4* Defense. However, there were still some exciting happenings to go around in the League.

boston flowers burst into the playoffs.

The Boston Flowers managed to tie up the New York Millennials on the final day of the Season, making their way into the Postseason for the third time in six seasons. With a final record of 51-48, it was a miracle that the Wild Low leader squeaked in at the last second. Unfortunately, they were immediately swept by the eventual champions.

Seattle garages make run for the finals

The Seattle Garages, little punk rockers that they are, made a beautiful run for the ILB title this year. Squeaking into the playoffs at 53-46, right behind two other Mild High teams (Hades Tigers & Kansas City Breath Mints), the Garages went on an unprecedented run during their first playoff apprance, shocking the 2-time Champ Philly Pies and the other 2-time Champ Hades Tigers on their way to the Finals, where they were finally swept by the Baltimore Crabs.

chicago firefighters defeat new york millennials for blood pity.

In an odd twist of the new Blood Pity present in the Wild High Division, the New York Millennials and Chicago Firefighters actively fought over last place in the division for several days. Since the Blood Pity requires every team in the first through fourth places to give stars to the last place finisher, these two teams, while definitely eliminated from the Postseason, competed for the Blood Pity Stars. The Season 5 ILB Champ Chicago Firefighters came out on bottom and will receive the coveted ability boosts!

Ah, yes, Necronut.

Season 6, in addition to Blooddrain and the most juiced up team that Blaseball has ever seen, brought yet another new feature to our beloved Splort, Idols. Members of the Blaseball fandom were allowed to Idolize their favorite player (or any player for whatever reason) in order to make themselves some more money for betting on even more Blaseball games.

However, the new Idol leader board brought with it a twist, a ominous Red Line beneath the top three Idolized players, and a warning from The Peanut to honor their legumes. It quickly became obvious that The Peanut wished for its three offspring, Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Holloway, and Peanut Bong, to occupy these top three positions. Thus, the community of Blaseball fans conspired to, at the End of the Season, make sure these three reached the vaulted position The Peanut demanded. Well, not all of the Community.

Meanwhile, after Day 32 of Season 6, incinerated Garages pitcher, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the first player every Incinerated by a rogue umpire, entered the Idols leaderboard. Shown as being a part of The Null Team, Jaylen quickly was vaulted into position 14, the spot that allowed them to be theoretically returned to Blaseball through the Blessing “Lottery Pick,” which reads: “Steal the 14th Most Idolized Player in the League.” Many view this act as a way to defy against the Blaseball Gods. The Commissioner simply had one thing to say:
“are you sure about this?”

Thus, Necronut was born. Get the Peanuts to the Top 3 Positions on the Leaderboard, and keep the beloved Jaylen Hotdogfingers at position 14 so that they may be resuscitated.

Well, as of right now, Jaylen Hotdogfingers is still at position 14 with the Election fast approaching. The Peanut legumes reaching the top three? Well.

Despite all of the Necronut planning and scheming passed around the community, when the time came, only Peanut Bong was within the Top 3, sitting below League MVP winners and Eternal Blaseball All-Stars Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel.

The Peanut reappeared and declared The Third Strike, claiming that fans of Blaseball attempted to patronize them but failed. As punishment, The Peanut entrapped Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel into massive peanut shells before disappearing once again. Of course, this brought great troubles upon the Philly Pies and Breckenridge Jazz Hands’ playoff runs, as their two star players were… unavailable. Peanut Bong was left unscathed.

When will The Peanut appear next? How will Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel escape from the Peanuts punishment? Heck, will they ever? We will have to wait and find out.

While there are plenty of other things I could get into concerning Season 6, including Incineration, Peanut Allergies, Feedback Swaps, and more. But so much happened this Season that we’ll just leave such items for another time. I personally loved both my vacation and watching Season 6 unfold from afar, but I’ll be back before you know it to keep giving you the more consistent recaps you love.

Here’s to an amazing Season 6 election and an incredible Season 7!

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post SEASON 6: FULL SEASON RECAP appeared first on Blaseball News Network.