SEASON 7 is finished.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with another hot end of Season recap to go over… well, the entire Season! This Season has been full of incredible twists and turns and ended up with a first time Champion. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

As we all know, the great achievement of the Blaseball fandom in Season 6 was resurrecting the first player ever Incinerated, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, through a little bit of Idolization and voting. If you don’t know about that, you can read about it in our Season 6 Recap.

As soon as Jaylen pitched their first game of Season 7, freshly returned from The Trench, it became apparent that all was not quite right. Jaylen immediately started beaning people with Blaseballs, making them Unstable.

As we unfortunately found out before too long, while Unstable a player is at greatly higher odds of being Incinerated, helping Jaylen repay the Debt they are currently carrying.

Oh yeah, the instability chains between Players after a player is Incinerated as well.

When all was said and done by the end of the Season, 12 players had been Incinerated. 12 debts collected. However, according to the Blaseball Gods, a debt is still outstanding. How many must die for the mistake of resurrecting Jaylen to be made right?

Luckily, the carnage was nowhere near the levels of Incinerations of Season 2 and 3, but these deaths seemed to effect the fans the most that they ever have.

During Day 32 of Season 7 of Blaseball, fans and players alike once again learned that there are consequences for their actions. Why else would The Commissioner continually question if we were sure we wanted to resurrect Jaylen?

Jaylen’s way to repay her debt was discovered. Instabilities true nature was revealed.

RIV MOODY COOKBOOK OF THE HADES TIGERS.

RIV ELIJAH BATES OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS.

RIV MCLAUGHLIN SCORPLER OF THE HADES TIGERS.

Of course, as Blaseball always goes, these death’s sorrow were only heightened by the fact that Scorpler was gifted a Fire-Proof Jacket by the Election of Season 5, but decided the Noise-Proof Headphones he was also gifted were cooler instead.

Day 33 came, and the Blaseball player and fan community was already reeling from the unprecedented death and Incineration from the previous Day. However, the Rogue Umpires were not done with targeting Unstable players.

Debts remained to be paid.

RIV KIKI FAMILIA OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

RIV ANTONIO WALLACE OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

Two more players fell, including Kiki Familia, the fresh replacement for Elijah Bates who was just in the 5th Inning of their career.

5 players in one day. consequences from actions.

To be honest, beyond the addition of Hotdogfingers dingers, the Regular Season of Season 7 was delightfully boring. Everything went exactly as it should. The Baltimore Crabs crushed the competition. There was barely any peanuts, Blooddrains, Feedback Frenzies, or Reverbs to be heard or seen. Jessica Telephone was picked free from her Shelled form but is now Superallergic to peanuts. The Kansas City Breath Mints somehow had the best record in the Mild League (through losing one of their best players, Boyfriend Montreal) while being one of the worst teams in it on paper. Enhanced Party Time did exactly as people hoped, giving many of the worst teams in the League some significant boosts to their playing ability.

That’s all. Just how we drew it up.

Since the addition of the Idol Leaderboard to Blaseball, the end of the Regular Season is quickly becoming one of the most exciting times to be a fan of the Splort. In the most ambitious community effort we’ve seen yet, fans from around the League coordinated their Idolization such that all three members of the Legume family (Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Holloway, & Peanut Bong) and all five of the Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff above the Ominous Red Line, which had room for 10. The results?

All five members of the Unlimited Tacos pitching, alongside Patterson of the Canada Moist Talkers, and Axel Trololol of the Baltimore Crabs, are now Shelled and unable to play the Splort. Meanwhile, the Big Peanut seemed appeased by the appearance of its three children above the line.

All three nuts now are “Honey Roasted,” whatever that means. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.

Shortly after the Peanut God appeared on our screens, it was interrupted (or eaten, we’re not sure) by the appearance of… well… this thing.

It claimed to have followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from The Hall. & The Trench. We assume they’re both the same place. It has come to simply watch Blaseball and observe what Hotdogfingers is doing. We’re sure that this is perfectly fine. Everything is fine.

Hopefully we find out more about what The Watcher wants from us pitiful fans and our beloved Blaseball Players soon.

While largely free from Weather (sparing a Feedback event that swapped the Mexico City Mild Wings back to their true Wild form), this Postseason was one of the most exciting we’ve seen in the History of the Splort!

With many fans anticipating the Baltimore Crabs to sweep through the other teams, all the way to another easy Finals win, we were all in for a surprise.

In some of the best Series that Blaseball has ever seen, the Wild Wings defeated the Kansas City Breath Mints (both surprise Postseason inclusions to begin with). Then, while the San Fransisco Lovers narrowly defeated the Wild League favorites (the Crabs), the Wings handily defeated the Season 6 Mild League Champs, the Seattle Garages. Well, and then…

That’s right. The Mexico City Wild Wings are your Season 7 ILB Champions.

We can’t say it any better than the Wings already did themselves.

It wasn’t an easy journey for the Wild Wings. They didn’t sweep any team. They lost a member of their Season 1 roster for the very first time with the Incineration of Miguel Wheeler, a colony of Rats inside of a tire that somehow played the Splort.

But now, they stand as Champions. The little team that could.

There are certainly other things that happened in Season 7 that I could talk about but those are the major beats. It was an enjoyable time to be sure.

If you’re wanting more content about Blaseball Season 7, check out these options:

• SEASON 7, DAYS 32 & 33
• RIV WORKMAN GLOOM.
• THE ILB SEASON 7 AWARDS.
• THE SEASON 7 ELECTION RUNDOWN, ON THE TAKE ME OUT TO THE BLALL GAME PODCAST.

Here’s to an amazing Season 7 election and an incredible Season 8!

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post THE FULL SEASON 7 RECAP. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

BY SUNNY UMBRELLA (@PCBehindTheBats)

SHELLED.

That was the story of the season. By some higher power, two of the brightest stars in blaseball were rendered unable to do what they do best. While Nagomi Mcdaniel and Jessica Telephone had their big bats silenced, a wealth of players stepped up and made a difference in a tumultuous season of Internet League Blaseball. Conner Haley hit bomb after bomb in Dallas, Thomas Dracaena was one remarkably reliable hitter, and a number of pitchers made a real name for themselves with career years. No, Mcdaniel and Telephone did not make our team of the year, despite the latter’s explosive finish to the season, but we’re happy to be honoring some fantastic performances and even some special outliers. Beginning with Team of the Year, as always, we’ll finish out with awards for division MVPs, Pitchers of the Year, a Rookie of the Year, and one Outstanding Achievement award. As always you can find every player stat we reference over at Blaseball Reference. And if you need any help with understanding all of the stats and abbreviations we use in this article, check out a helpful glossary of definitions here. They’re taken from a bizarrely similar splort (sport?) but generally speaking mean the exact same thing as in blaseball. Here are Behind The Bats’ ILB Season 7 awards!

TEAM OF THE YEAR

BATTERS

THOMAS DRACAENA (NEW YORK)
.341/.370/.611, .980 OPS, 12 Doubles, 3 Triples, 31 Home Runs, 59 RBIs

Thomas Dracaena was Mr. Reliable for the Millennials this season, and to an absurd degree. Whenever his teammates put him in positions to deliver, he did so at an incredible rate. Batting a whopping .528 with runners in scoring position, Drac was as clutch as it came, and delivered the Mills to yet another postseason appearance.

HAHN FOX (HELLMOUTH)
.280/.317/.608, .926 OPS, 13 Doubles, 13 Triples, 32 Home Runs, 72 RBIs

Hahn Fox has perhaps moved around more than a player would like over the past season and change, making her from her longtime home in Miami to Hellmouth by way of Boston, Fox settled in nicely and put up career best numbers nearly across the board. She led the Beams to their best season ever and a brush with the playoffs, barely missing out in the end.

WORKMAN GLOOM (CANADA)
.328/.393/.607, 1.000, 7 Doubles, 17 Triples, 15 Home Runs, 46 RBIs

Though Workman is no longer with us, we will always remember them for their remarkable consistency as one of the best players blaseball has ever seen. Spending seven seasons between Charleston and Canada, Gloom was the only player to ever post an OPS of 1.000 or better in every ILB season. He’ll be missed dearly across the league, but he said farewell with a remarkable home run even in the face of oblivion.

CONER HALEY (DALLAS)
.318/.345/.733, 1.079 OPS, 21 Triples, 41 Home Runs, 75 RBIs, 16 Stolen Bases

I think it’s fair to say that nobody quite lit up the league this year like Conner Haley did in the Lone Star State. Only the second player in ILB history to smash over 40 home runs, Haley wasn’t good for only power, adding in 21 triples and 16 stolen bases to show off his hustle on the basepaths. Looking like an absolute streaking comet of a player, we’re excited to see what Haley does next year.

JOSÉ HALEY (MEXICO CITY
.319/.359/.675, 1.033 OPS, 18 Doubles, 4 Triples, 31 Home Runs, 63 RBIs

With the Wings putting up their best season in team history, José Haley led the charge. Posting his second consecutive season with over 30 home runs, Mexico City had a star to cheer for all season, and they found themselves in their first ever playoffs come the end of the year. Whether that Mushroom has anything to do with Haley’s sudden rise or not, it’s safe to say he’s an all-star now.

KENNEDY LOSER (BALTIMORE)
.281/.315/.649, .964 OPS, 27 Triples, 31 Home Runs, 96 RBIs, 13 Stolen Bases

The Crabs soared to a comfortable league-best record for the third year running, and Kennedy Loser drove in a remarkable 96 runs batted in over the course of the season. Baltimore was very good, but Kennedy was phenomenal, dashing to 27 triples and smashing 31 home runs en route to a poster season.

YORK SILK (HAWAII)
.364/.408/.688, 1.095 OPS, 19 Doubles, 29 Home Runs, 72 RBIs

York did it again in Season 7, wowing us again despite another down year for the Fridays. The four triples he hit were a new personal best, and his On Base Plus Slugging % topped 1.000 for a remarkable fourth time in his career. Topping the whole league in batting average yet again, York’s smooth swing helped prove why he’s one of the greatest hitters of all time.

JUSTICE SPOON (CHICAGO)
.331/.367/.731, 1.098 OPS, 20 Triples, 31 Home Runs, 70 RBIs, 19 Stolen Bases

Maybe Justice Spoon was never meant to be a pitcher in the first place. They needed a couple of seasons to settle into the role, perhaps, but Justice found their rhythm in Season 7 and took off even in the face of a somewhat disappointing Firefighters season. Hitting 31 home runs, notching 20 triples and 19 stolen bases, Spoon was a real force on offense even if the Firefighters fell just a bit short of the playoffs this year.

KNIGHT URLACHER (SAN FRANCISCO)
.333/.381/.637, 17 Doubles, 3 Triples, 27 Home Runs, 64 RBIs

While the end of season race to the playoffs was tight, Knight Urlacher and the Lovers look like they could be genuine contenders if they could just take down the Crabs. Urlacher smashed their previous best slugging percentage and hit nearly twice their previous best in home runs. A solid rock in an up-and-down franchise, Knight could find themself headlining a championship run this year.

PITCHERS

PATEL BEYONCE (UNLIMITED)
12-8, 2.88 ERA, 0.921 WHIP, 123 Ks, 14 Quality Starts

Patel is shelled now, thanks to the fantastic unionization effort of the Unlimited Tacos pitching rotation. Making a perilous choice, they have positioned themselves to not pitch a single game next year, or even be able to. We felt Patel deserved to make this list not only for their incredible leadership throughout the season, but because of a fantastic year for an otherwise struggling Tacos team. Few players broke the 3.00 ERA barrier this season, and he deserves a lot of credit for being one of them.

QAIS DOGWALKER (MIAMI)
14-6, 2.21 ERA, 0.833 WHIP, 138 Ks, 18 Quality Starts

Another Wild Low pitcher, believe it or not, Qais Dogwalker was arguably the best in the entire ILB this season, posting a wickedly low ERA and an incredible 18 quality starts. While Miami weren’t quite playoff contenders, Qais was incredibly reliable on the mound. Party time reportedly saw a number of players improve this season, but they were a force to be reckoned with from start to finish.

BURKE GONZALES (MEXICO CITY)
16-4, 2.58 ERA, 0.837 WHIP, 150 Ks, 16 Quality Starts

Burke Gonzales has been solid through his whole career, particularly in Season 5 (his first year in this universe’s ILB, actually), and this year he went above and beyond, notching 16 wins from 16 quality starts. Piling on 150 strikeouts, Gonzales was an integral part of the success of the Wild Wings this season.

RIVERS ROSA (CHICAGO)
16-4, 2.77 ERA, 0.941 WHIP, 155 Ks, 14 Quality Starts

Another Chicago player to have really started to shine since swapping positions, Rivers Rosa put on an exceptional season, winning 16 games and fanning the most batters of anyone on this list. It’s worth noting that the only pitchers she lost to in the whole season were Qais Dogwalker and Montgomery Bullock. While Axel Trololol may have moved on for now, the Firefighters have certainly found another star pitcher in Rivers.

AXEL TROLOLOL (BALTIMORE)
15-5, 2.33 ERA, 0.811 WHIP, 131 Ks, 17 Quality Starts

Speaking of Axel, we would be remiss not to mention him in our team of the year. 17 quality starts, the lowest WHIP in the league, and a fantastic ERA, Axel is once again commended in our end of season awards. Looking arguably stronger than ever, he guided the way as Baltimore won a competitive Wild High division yet again. Unfortunately he found himself shelled with Patel after the season ended, and will be unavailable to pitch in the playoffs.

AWARDS

ILB OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
INKY RUTLEDGE (YELLOWSTONE)

In the entirety of the ILB’s first six seasons, there were two recorded no-hitters pitched. One each by Mooney Doctor and Jaylen Hotdogfingers in Season 1. In Season 6, Inky Rutledge of the Yellowstone Magic threw two no-hitters; Day 7 against the Fridays and Day 37 against the Shoe Thieves. While Inky’s season stats were perhaps not quite up to par with the best pitchers in the league, we here at Behind The Bats felt that Inky rightfully deserves special recognition for that accomplishment. Congratulations, Inky! Your name has gone down in blaseball history!

ILB ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
STEPH WEEKS (BRECKENRIDGE)

When Steph Weeks came into the lineup for the Hands last season, there were great expectations to fulfill. The team was strong, competitive, and he lived up to them better than you would generally expect of any rookie. Batting .302, driving in 52 RBIs, and collecting nearly 200 total bases, Weeks helped shore up an already talented Jazz Hands roster on their way to their seventh consecutive postseason appearance. If Steph can take his experience and build on it, he may become a true all-star before long.

PITCHER OF THE YEAR

WILD HIGH – RIVERS ROSA (CHICAGO)

While Axel Trololol and Brock Forbes were exceptional this season, we felt no pitcher was more crucial to their team in the Wild High this year than Rivers Rosa in Chicago. The star pitcher may be reportedly not much of a fan of playing blaseball, but she’s certainly quite good at it. She could establish herself as one of the best of a generation if she keeps having years like this.

WILD LOW – QAIS DOGWALKER (MIAMI)

Patel Beyonce was a solid choice too, but we felt that Qais put on a performance that excelled beyond anyone else in the Wild League this year. Miami looks like they’ll be even more competitive next season, and if Qais carries this on, there’s a real shot of them finally making a playoff appearance.

MILD HIGH – DUNLAP FIGUEROA (HADES)

Many of the Mild High teams have been historically known for having fantastic pitchers, but this year was perhaps a little slow — or, maybe, the offense in the division simply stepped up a notch. In spite of that, Dunlap Figueroa had a very good season for the Tigers, notching a career best 164 strikeouts and winning 14 games for the fourth time in their career. The Tigers may not have the hitting they once did, but their pitching rotation is still top notch.

MILD LOW – BURKE GONZALES (MEXICO CITY)

While teammate Silvia Rugrat makes a solid case for this recognition, Burke Gonzales was ahead of everyone else in our reckoning. We detailed his season up above, but there’s no doubting Burke’s prowess on the mound, and in a squad that’s stayed nearly identical since the league began, there’s potentially no limit to how high the Wings could fly if they stay together.

MOST VALUABLE PLAYERS

WILD HIGH – KENNEDY LOSER (BALTIMORE)

96 runs batted in tends to speak for itself. Kennedy Loser contributed a remarkable amount to a very good team, and it would be difficult for us to justify giving this award to many other players in the Wild High. If their performance keeps up into the postseason, the Crabs may cruise to their second ILB title.

WILD LOW – HAHN FOX (HELLMOUTH)

Despite the multiple moves, Hahn Fox delivered in Season 7. Maybe there was something about Hellmouth, inhospitable as it seems, that worked in her favor, though one wouldn’t typically imagine a glaring sun to be conducive to good hitting in afternoon games. While the Beams came up just short of the playoffs this season, we may get to see them make another push next year with Hahn leading the way.

MILD HIGH – CONNER HALEY (DALLAS)

41 home runs. Conner Haley put on a show in Texas this year, and it was no fluke. Since moving from the pitcher’s mound to become a hitter, we’ve only been left wondering why he didn’t make the switch sooner! While Dallas had a rare off year, Conner and the Steaks will be back and ready to contend again next season.

MILD LOW – JOSÉ HALEY (MEXICO CITY)

Steadily improving year after year, the Wings might just be able to turn some heads in the playoffs, and continue to do so for years to come. A team of great unity, there really does seem to be an advantage to continually developing team chemistry. Setting career bests in half a dozen different statistics, José was to us the undoubted best player in the Mild Low division this season. 

Thank you so much once again for reading! As always, you can find all the player stats we referenced over at Blaseball Reference, where the SIBR team continue to do incredible work recording the history of the ILB. Thanks also to Blaseball News Network for inviting us into their media family. You can follow them at @BlaseballNews for all sorts of blaseball news every day! And lastly, you can follow us at @PCBehindTheBats on Twitter for these awards every season as well as unique player interviews. See you next season, folks!

The post ILB SEASON 7 AWARDS appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Rest in violence, Workman Gloom.

The former Shoe Thieves and Moist Talkers batter will go down as one of the best players in blaseball history and will be missed following their incineration in Game 81 of Season 7.

They even left us with a parting gift, hitting a home run while being incinerated by a rogue umpire.

Statistically, it can be argued that Gloom was a top three batter in blaseball history, alongside Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel. Gloom hit over .340 in each season prior to Season 7, and finished with more walks than strikeouts each and every campaign in the Discipline Era.

No player in the history of the game has a better recorded batting average than Gloom, who ranks fourth all-time in walks, second in triples, fourth in total bases, second in hits, second in OBP, third in OPS, sixth in runs scored, and fifth in slugging percentage.

Gloom took part in four postseasons, two with each of their teams. In 30 playoff games, Gloom drove in 14 runs and hit .341.

Incinerations are a cruel part of the splort of blaseball, but let’s use this one as a chance to reflect one the career of one of the best to ever take to the field. If and when there is a blaseball hall of fame, Workman Gloom should be the first name enshrined in the building.

We’d even argue the blaseball hall of fame should be NAMED AFTER Workman Gloom, one of the best who will ever play the game.

The post RIV Workman Gloom appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Hello all, Benson “Nutty” Newton here, with a bit of a special report on what could be the two most impactful and meaningful Days in the history of our beloved splort, Blaseball.

The short of it is simple.

FIVE PLAYERS WERE INCINERATED.

Of course, avid Blaseball News Network readers and long-time Blaseball fans already know the background for this story, but for those of you who are newer, lets go over some information.

NECROMANCY.

In the middle of Season 6, many fans began the ritual necessary to reincarnate the first Blaseball player ever Incinerated by the Rogue Umpires, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, a pitcher for the Seattle Garages. I’m not quite sure the process involved in this work of revival, but I do know that it resulted in Mike Townsend volunteering to enter The Void in order that his friend may come back from it.

Following the Election of Season 6, Jaylen Hotdogfingers was successfully returned to the Land of the Living to play Blaseball once again, in return for Mike Townsend’s sacrifice. A strong pitcher and team favorite, the Garages were happy to add her to their forces once again. However, everything wasn’t quite how it should be. Hotdogfingers, it seems, has a debt that must be paid.

instability.

As soon as Hotdogfingers took her first game on the mound for the Garages, it was apparent that something was off. She began hitting opposing players with the occasional Blaseball. Of course, this is something that happens. But Jaylen was throwing them with such force that… well…

Instability. When a player is Unstable… I didn’t know what effect Instability had on a player at the time. Nobody did. Maybe it made them uncomfortable. Maybe it made it easier for Jaylen to pitch effectively against them in the future.

All of my guesses were wrong.

season 7, Days 32 & 33

During Day 32 of Season 7 of Blaseball, fans and players alike once again learned that there are consequences for their actions. Why else would The Commissioner continually question if we were sure we wanted to resurrect Jaylen?

Jaylen’s way to repay her debt was discovered. Instabilities true nature was revealed.

AN UNSTABLE PLAYER STANDS OUT TO ROGUE UMPIRES, GREATLY RAISING THEIR CHANCES OF INCINERATION.

Plus, if an Unstable player is Incinerated, the Instability transfers to another player on the field, whether it be a teammate of the diseased or one of their opponents. This quickly got out of hand on Day 32, as three players died inside of one game.

RIV MOODY COOKBOOK OF THE HADES TIGERS.

RIV ELIJAH BATES OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS.

RIV MCLAUGHLIN SCORPLER OF THE HADES TIGERS.

Of course, as Blaseball always goes, these death’s sorrow were only heightened by the fact that Scorpler was gifted a Fire-Proof Jacket by the Election of Season 5, but decided the Noise-Proof Headphones he was also gifted were cooler instead.

Day 33 came, and the Blaseball player and fan community was already reeling from the unprecedented death and Incineration from the previous Day. However, the Rogue Umpires were not done with targeting Unstable players.

Debts remained to be paid.

RIV KIKI FAMILIA OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

RIV ANTONIO WALLACE OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

Two more players fell, including Kiki Familia, the fresh replacement for Elijah Bates who was just in the 5th Inning of their career.

5 players in one day. consequences from actions.

What’s next?

I’m not sure. It’s apparent that The Peanut or whatever other Blaseball Gods exist were not happy with giving us back Jaylen Hotdogfingers and now have caused her to start exacting their revenge.

Consequences for actions.

How many players must be sacrificed for Jaylen’s debt to be paid? What happens if the debt isn’t paid by the end of the Season?

I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post SEASON 7, DAYS 32 & 33. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

the election is over. power has shuffled.

Hey there everybody, it’s Splortscaster, Firewall Andrews, and Intern-in-Chief Benson “Nutty” Newton here with a fresh Power Rankings covering the entire ILB! We voted on rankings and gave a summary of our thoughts for each team, along with a little note on how many places they climbed or fell compared to the Season 6 rankings. Hope you enjoy.

#20: Unlimited Tacos [-1]

Another Season with almost the worst record in the League (32-67), another Season with nothing particularly offensive or great happening for them, another Election with no direct benefits. While they have been caught up in the +5% Pitching and Hitting buffs brought on for the whole Wild Low Division, they’re still miles behind the next closest team in talent. Here’s hoping Extended Party Time does them good.

#19: Miami Dalé [-5]

Ending Season 6 with a 37-62 record and having the unique distinction of being the third team to Party Time (which seems to have brought on a buff to their Extended Party Time chances), the Dalé seem to have a decent squad that isn’t producing results. With the communal Wild Low boost and Life of the Party active, the Dalé may have a chance in Blaseball’s future. It’s just not in Season 7.

#18: Hawaii Fridays [-3]

The worst record of Season 6, sitting at 31-68, somehow still finds themselves at #18 on the BNN Power Rankings. Why? The Hawaii Fridays, while decidedly the weakest team of the Mild League, have one of the strongest Defensive lineups in the League, with a big offensive playmaking potential coming from 5* Hitter York Silk. We believe that the Fridays, more than any other low record team, are set to pounce into the upper echelons of competition.

#17: Yellowstone Magic [-1]

An unimpressive Season with a record well below .500, together with no blessings while teams around them improve land the 43-56 Magic at place #17. We’re not really sure what to say about the Magic. They’re just not getting there when they need to. They don’t even get to benefit from Blood Thief to help improve their stats, thanks to the postponement of the Blood Bath.

#16: Mexico City Mild Wings [+2]

The Mexico City Mild Wings are entering Season 7 with mediocre Season 6 results, no Blessings, a failed lawsuit, and a new name. Being in the middle of Mild Low is a boringly average place to be, and yet, the Mild Wings weren’t able to pull it together last season. However, there are bright spots. Their star Hitter, José Haley, managed to slam 30 HRs to land 4th in the League most.

#15: Chicago Firefighters [-9]

Who would have guessed that the Season 5 Blaseball Champs would fall so far in our Power Rankings? The Firefighters weren’t great this year, barely cracking .500 while supposedly being one of the League’s best teams. Not only did they not get massive benefit from Blood Pity, they didn’t seem to recover from their loss of Ace Axel Trololol and had no standout Pitchers to speak of. In fact, they had some of the worst performing pitching in the ILB this Season  With no Blessings won and many Teams in the Wild League getting better, the Firefighters have nowhere to go but down.

#14: Canada Moist Talkers [-3]

After leading the campaign for Necronut, the Canada Moist Talkers are languishing in the middle of the Mild League, and therefore languishing around the middle of our power rankings as well. When the indisputably best pitcher in Blaseball, Polkadot Patterson, is on the mound, the Moist Talkers often waltz to victory. When Patterson, who led the league in Strikeouts (192, 20 more than 2nd place) and walk percentage (0.003%) while being top 5 in several other important stats, including ERA (2.374) and Shutouts (4), wasn’t on the mound the team struggled to win, thanks to a below average defense. Also they have two other pitchers on the Hits Allowed leaderboard.

#13: Boston Flowers [-3]

The unluckiest team in blaseball enters Season 7 without former team captain Beck Flowers or the feedback swapped Hahn Fox. Jacob Haynes is a budding superstar at the plate and wiggly-pitch master Chambers Simmons is a solid arm on the mound, but this team really needs some good fortune in Season 7 to turn things around and get back on track. Last season’s incredible final-game comeback was a feel-good story, but unfortunately, this team will likely be in Partytime well before Day 99 in Season 7.

#12: Kansas City Breath Mints [+8]

Moving Boyfriend Monreal to the top spot in the lineup will keep the fanbase happy, but an overall boost in team speed is the real key change for the Mints heading into Season 7. Baserunning is an underrated element of blaseball, and we could see Kansas City sneak in a few more runs and steals than expected to steal some games. That said, this team did benefit from a pretty easy schedule a season ago (just 22 games against teams with winning records) and lacks in superstars on either side of the ball. Don’t count them out, but don’t expect them to challenge the Tigers and Garages for the division title.

#11: Houston Spies [-4]

Alexandria Rosales’ move to the rotation will be huge for the Spies, who now have a solid pitching staff between Rosales, Theodore Holloway and Jordan Hildebert. They will also benefit from the collective Wild Low boosts and should be at or near the top of their division all season long. 

#10: Philly Pies [-1]

Will Jessica Telephone ever leave the shell? If not, this team will really slip down the standings. The superstar and fan favorite did most of the heavy lifting on offense for the Pies in Season 6, and while the pitching staff was surprisingly solid, they seem to match up poorly against the Shoe Thieves without Telephone’s formidable Dial Tone in the lineup. However, the possibility exists for the shell to break, and adding Jess back to this lineup means the Pies are Mild League finalist contenders.

#9: Hellmouth Sunbeams [+4]

The ‘Beams are quietly growing in power in the Wild Low division, and could take the division by storm in Season 7. Adding former Dalé and Flowers slugger Hahn Fox, plus the division’s collective boosts, have upped the strength of their lineup and rotation quite a bit. Sandoval Crossing, Eugenia Bickle and Miguel James have a chance to all put up solid numbers on the mound and lead the Sunbeams to the playoffs.

#8: Hades Tigers [-6]

The two-time champions have been hit hard by some bad luck in blessings, swaps and otherwise, but still retain the core of a team that dominated the league for two seasons. Losing Fish Summer in a feedback swap was really painful, and Yazmin Mason’s alternative form just hasn’t been the same as their original reality, but the stars on this team shine bright. Hiroto Wilcox is a star on the mound and Randy Castillo is a slugger who can turn the game around.

#7: Charleston Shoe Thieves [-3]

Feedback and other weather events have not been kind to the Thieves of late, but the blessings this offseason brought them quite the boost. Adding Howell Franklin and boosting their stats is a huge boost to an offense sorely missing Antonio Wallace from an in-season feedback trade. And the pitching staff for Charleston just keeps getting better and better, and in just over a season it has gone from the club’s Achilles Heel to its shining strength heading into next season.

#6: Dallas Steaks [-1]

The good? Conner Haley made the transition from awful pitcher to star hitter a season ago, and thanks to Season 6’s blessings, he’s now even better. August Sky, Paula Mason and the rest of the Dallas lineup pack a punch behind their star leadoff hitter, and this team is going to score some runs. The bad? The pitching staff did not notably improve, with Leach Herman ticking up just a bit, but likely not enough to put this team into the elite stratosphere. Still, they’re a force to be reckoned with, especially on offense.

#5: San Francisco Lovers [-2]

The Lovers still have some of the best pitching in blaseball, and while their team remains much the same after the offseason, that just means they’re poised to repeat their solid performance from Season 6. Yosh Carpenter has staked their claim as one of the best pitchers in blaseball and leads a solid contender in a loaded Wild High division, which is really the only knock against the Lovers — they have to face most of the other top teams in their race for the playoffs.

#4: New York Millennials [+4]

The Mills had been a bit quiet in the blessings department lately, but landed a solid one-two punch by getting Ooze to boost their hitting power and The Best Defense to add a three-star pitcher to their rotation in the form of Penelope Matthews, while sending 3.5 star batter Bates Bentley to the batting order. The lineup for the Mills, from top to bottom, is as loaded as ever, and this team looks poised to challenge the Hands and Crabs atop the division.

#3: Seattle Garages [+14]

The Garages were probably the largest surprise of Season 6. With no standout players, save Farrel Seagull and Cedric Spliff making it onto the total Hits leaderboard with 123 and 122 respectively, this spunky team of underdogs sang and jammed their way into the playoffs and then went on an undefeated sweeping streak through the Mild League side of the Postseason ladder, before being decimated by the Crabs in the Finals. With the Necromantic return of 4* Ace Jaylen Hotdogfingers, replacing Mike Townsend (on paper the Garage’s worst pitcher), who was either a Disappointment or a Credit to the Team, depending on where you are in the Garage’s discography.

#2: Breckenridge Jazz Hands [+10]

The fourth strike is back and it’s going to a team that has no trouble at the plate in the first place. The Jazz Hands, even without the shelled-and-traded Nagomi McDaniel, have some of the top batting talent in the league with Aldon Cashmoney leading the way. The team also has one of the best pitchers in blaseball in Campos Arias, so the combination of talent and blessings means this is a tough team to beat in Season 7.

#1: Baltimore Crabs [-]

The champs reign supreme. Even adding a shelled Nagomi McDaniel and losing the shink-rayed Holden Stanton won’t slow down this club. They won last season on the back of an incredible defense and pitching staff, and that hasn’t really changed heading into Season 7. Axel Trololol and friends will keep the Crabs in every game with their arms and arm cannons and other pitch-throwing appendages, while the offense is still led by premier base stealer Forrest Best and slugger Kennedy Loser.

FORSYTHIA HELLTIGER’S SMOOCHIN’ POWER RANKINGS.

The Bosses at BNN told us we had to include this. We don’t even know what it’s supposed to be.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post THE OFFICIAL BNN INTERNET LEAGUE BLASEBALL SEASON 7 POWER RANKINGS appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

SEASON 6 is finished.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with some more amazing written content. This time I have something special for you, the staff of BNN’s amazing Season 6 Postseason Predictions! We look forward to be proven wrong!

This Postseason will be unlike any that we’ve ever seen, thanks to, well, the great unbalance of teams that are present. The Boston Flowers, as much as we enjoy their great run into the playoffs, probably aren’t going to make it very far. The Boston Crabs, are, well, significantly better than everybody else. But!

The Philly Pies and Jazz Hands will both be in hot water this Postseason because at the end of the Regular season… The great Peanut… Returned…

and did something to their star players Jessica Telephone and Nagomi Mcdaniel.

Despite the unprecedented conditions, we still did our predictions, and BNN itself did some predictions as well!

firewall Andrews

Surprising to nobody, Firewall Andrews of Flangraphs is sticking with the stats and picking the complete favorite Baltimore Crabs to win it all. However, there are some surprises along the way, with the Seattle Garages making it to the Finals.

splortscaster

Even with Jessica Telephone being stuck in a Peanut, Splortscaster believes that the Philly Pies have the ability to go all the way to the Finals and surprise the Regular Season Champs Baltimore Crabs. Perhaps Jessica Telephone will crack the peanut she is trapped in just in the nick of time!

me, Benson

I wish my bracket was more spicy. But alas, I think that this Preseason is pretty open and shut. Especially with the two best offensive players in the League being Shelled and potentially neutered, there’s nobody left to stop the Crabs from rolling all over the quarters, semis, and Finals. I do believe, however, that especially with Nagomi being potentially absent from the Jazz Hands, this will open the door for the Two-Time-League Champs Hades Tigers to get to the Finals.

Forsythia Helltiger

Forsythia Helltiger, a peppy new Independent Reporter that the BNN Boss has brought in recently, seems to have quite the eventful bracket! The Garages win it all! That’s exciting. Other than that spicy pick, and the Flowers beating the Crabs, this bracket looks completely normal.

blaseball news network processing centers

Well, BNN promised me a bracket to include in this article, based upon their apparently superior intellect and processing power. However, I haven’t yet seen anything from them by publishing time, so it seems it will have to wait for another time. They should really get some hardware upgrades.

No matter what weird curve balls the Regular Season and The Peanut have brought us, Blaseball must still be played! We look forward to seeing the wacky twists and turns this postseason will bring us.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post POSTSEASON 6 PREDICTIONS appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Get ready for the playoffs, splorts fans! Here’s everything you need to know about the eight playoff teams in blaseball.

Baltimore Crabs

The best team in blaseball has the best pitching staff in blaseball. Montgomery Bullock, Axel Trololol, Adalberto Tosser, Brock Forbes and Finn James all have ERAs under 3.00 and 100 strikeouts on the season.This has helped the Crabs allow the fewest runs in blaseball. This is where the Crabs’ biggest advantage lies heading into the postseason: A rotation with no weak points. 

The Baltimore offense is great, but not as amazing as the pitching. Forrest Best’s base-stealing and run-scoring skills are off the charts, and they just so happen to be optimally placed in the second spot of the order behind the also-speedy Tot Fox. Every player in the lineup is capable of clearing the bases with a home run, and while there are a couple of players who have less-than-ideal defensive capabilities, the team as a whole defends well for its pitchers.

This team seems unstoppable and appears to be well on its way to an Internet Series championship. If they fall short, it will be by self-inflicted errors or the will of the blaseball gods.

Best player: Forrest Best is a menace on the basepaths and has plenty of pop in their bat, as well. This is one of the most dangerous batters in all of blaseball with everything they can do at the plate and when on base.

Unsung hero: It’s hard to call anyone on this team an unsung hero, but Brock Forbes doesn’t quite have the star power of Axel Trololol, yet their pitching performances this season have been outstanding. Forbes has allowed only two walks while leading the team in strikeouts, and when you prevent a team from putting the ball in play and limit walks, that’s a formula for blaseball success

Question mark: Will there be something sinister waiting for the Crabs at season’s end? Blaseball is a fickle sport, so we never know what could happen … but really, it would take an act of the gods to slow this team down. They are simply too good.

Final take: This team is going to win it all. There’s really no doubt.

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

Home to the best player in blaseball, Nagomi Mcdaniel, and the best pitcher in blaseball, Campos Arias, this team has undergone quite a few changes over the course of the season, and it has left the club in a precarious position entering the playoffs.

Mcdaniel and Arias alone will win the Hands’ some games, as Mcdaniel finished the season with a batting average around .400 and has extra-base potential every time they make contact with the ball. They’re also a capable base stealer, not that they’re ever on base for long, but they can truly do it all. McDnaiel leads the league in OBP and Slugging by a wide margin and fuels an offense that has rivaled the Crabs in scoring all season.

Arias literally did not lose all season, as the Alternate Reality pitcher limited home runs, avoided walks and kept an ERA low enough that their prolific offense could do the rest. Arias is not an elite strikeout pitcher, but they strike out more than enough batters to let the rest of their pitching arsenal make short work of opponents. 

Mcdaniel and Arias have just completed what might be the most impressive seasons for a hitter and a pitcher in blaseball history … but will that be enough? 

Best player: Nagomi Mcdaniel is the best player in blaseball and therefore the best player on the Hands.

Unsung hero: Tamara Crankit is the master of the sacrifice. They lead the league in the category and help Nagomi McDaniel score when they’re on base.

Question marks: Notice how most of this post is about Mcdaniel and Arias? That’s the worry for the Hands, especially as a pitching staff. With August Sky in Dallas, the other four pitchers certainly don’t keep up with Arias, and it will be a struggle to get through playoff series against elite pitchers when Arias is the only ace on the staff. The hitting is great, but Mcdaniel does bat ninth, and a good pitcher might have the bases clear for the superstar by the time they come up to bat. New addition Steph Weeks appears to be a solid batter, but it’s a very small sample size.

Also, does Nagomi Mcdaniel’s “Shelled” status bestowed by the Peanut mean anything for their skills?

Final take: This is undoubtedly a very good team, but having to go through the Crabs to make the finals puts them in a tough spot. Their imperfections will be exaggerated against such an incredible team, leaving them on the outside looking in when it comes to championship contention.

—

Philly Pies

Jessica Telephone made their triumphant return to the Pies and, thanks in part to a shift in divisions, the two-time champs are back near the top of the league.The underlying stats are not incredible for Philly, as they’ve allowed plenty of runs this season and have a great but not incredible offense, but they did spent the season beating up on teams in the supposedly superior “mild high” division.

There’s something very “Philly” about this team, led by Telephone. It’s scrappy, it’s fun, and it’s probably not quite as good as it seems and is bound to let its fans down in the postseason. 

A look at the team starts with Telephone, who has over 80 extra-base hits on the season and would be the runaway pick for MVP were it not for the otherworldly performance of Nagomi Mcdaniel. That Telephone bats third is a perfect fit for the Pies’ lineup, so the slugger can constantly bat in situations with runners on base. 

However, it remains to be seen how Telephone’s “Shelled” status will impact their play.

Best player: Telephone, obviously, but let’s also take a look at Eduardo Woodman. The ignition switch for the Pies from the leadoff spot in the order, Woodman has extra-base pop and a knack for scoring runs by getting on base for Telephone. It’s a great combo at the top of the order that often helps the Pies get out to early leads.

Unsung hero: What a season it has been for Betsy Trombone! The one-star pitcher has limited the walks this season and pitched to an ERA under 4, and paired with Elvis Figueroa to provide the pair of aces the Pies need to win consistently. It’s not a fantastic playoff rotation, but with some heroics from Trombone, it should be more than enough to get the Pies to the finals.

Question marks: Can the rest of the pitching hold up over the postseason? Is the defense good enough? This team can outslug any non-Crab team, but it remains to be seen if they have enough pitching and defense to win consistently when it counts.

Final take: The Pies are the Mild league favorites to make it to the final, but it’s not as definitive as it might seem. The Mild is wide open, but Telephone and Woodman should get the Pies over the line.

—

Hades Tigers

The Tigers did look back this season, charging out into the lead of the Mild High division but failing to pull away from the pack. The team is still loaded with talent but lacks a true superstar, and that might be a problem come playoff time when facing former teammate Jessica Telephone and the Pies.

It’s not all bad news for Hades, however. The pitching trio of hiroto Wilcox, Dunlap Figueroa and Famous Owens give the team a great chance to win in 60% of its games,with Wilcox and Figueroa especially limiting the walks this season and showing excellent command of the strike zone. 

On offense Randy Castillo and Moody Cookbook stand out, but are unfortunately buried in the lineup a bit and don’t make as big of an impact as they could. Paula Turnip offers a lot of pop, but lacks great on-base skills, and is a tough fit near the top of the order. A lineup led by Peanutiel Duffy and Zion Aliciakeyes would be far more optimal for the Tigers.

Best player: That would have to be Wilcox, the ace pitcher with an ERA under 3 and an incredible strikeout to walk ratio. The Tigers will feel favored against most anyone on days when Wilcox takes to the mound, and for good reasons.

Unsung hero: Aliciakeyes is an on-base machine despite a relatively low star rating, finishing near the top of the charts in batting average and OBP this season. They pair up well with Castillo at the bottom of the order and can really give the Tigers a spark on offense.

Question marks: Is this offense good enough to compete in the postseason? The pitching certainly is, and we can probably expect a couple of vintage performances out the struggling Yazmin Mason to round out the rotation, but will the hitters put it together and slug the Tigers to the finals? It will be interesting if and when they come up against the Pies, as Philly has basically the opposite question marks, and it will be a battle of strengths and weaknesses.

Final take: Someone will give the Pies a run for their money in the Mild playoffs, and it could be the Tigers. I’m just not going to predict that, as I am not sure the offense is quite good enough.

Kansas City Breath Mints

I’ll admit it … I didn’t think this team would be good this season, let alone this good. The team definitely lacks in star power, but makes up for it with consistency across the board. Six batters have an OBP over .300 and every pitcher has an ERA between 3.50 and 5.25, with no true outliers in terms of good or bad performers.

That puts the Mints in a weird place heading into best-of-five playoff matches. Will they struggle to stand out against tough opposition? Or will they be well positioned to consistently challenge their opponents over a five-game series and come out victorious? Winnie Hess and Oscar Vaughn are great pitchers with a lot of strikeout upside, and Atlas Guerra might be the best of the bunch, so there will be three great chances for the Mints to win each time through the rotation.

Rodriguez Internet is an on-base machine while Boyfriend Monreal and Stew Briggs bring plenty of extra-base production to the batting order. And defense is not a weak point for this team, either.

So how will they fare?

Best player: That would have to be Guerra, a 1.5 star pitcher who finished the season with the best record on the team and the most strikeouts. A true overperformer, if the Mints make some noise in the postseason, Guerra’s continued solid play will be key.

Unsung hero: Hewitt Best doesn’t offer much by way of batting, but when they are on base, they know how to run. Leading the team in steals and scoring a healthy amount of runs, Best is a spark plug for the Kansas City offense

Question marks: Does this team have the starpower to take down the Tigers or Pies? It doesn’t seem like it on the surface. Winnie Hess is a talented player but doesn’t always live up to expectations, and the batting order is a roller-coaster of performance at times.

Final take: This is a team that could surprise and make a run to the finals, but it very much seems like a one-and-done roster. That said, we’ve been wrong about them before.

Seattle Garages

The smell of team spirit is rising in the Mild league, as the Garages made a strong run with their bats this season to charge into the postseason. Theodore Duende, Farrell Seagull, Lang Richardson, Oliver Mueller, Malik Destiny and Greer Gwiffin each offer above-average production at the plate, and while the team is a mess on the basepaths, they know how to come around to score.

On the pitching side, this is a typical blaseball rotation, with a couple of decent options (Arturo Huerta and Henry Marshallow) leading the way, plus the team’s win leader Tot Clark. But the other rotation spots are big question marks, not a huge surprise for a team that struggled to a less-than-winning record in its own division this season.

Best player: This team has a very balanced group of talent so it is hard to name one best player, but we’re going to go with Seagull. Batting at the top of the order, they get on base at a healthy clip and know how to come around to score when they do.

Unsung hero: Henry Marshallow allowed the fewest home runs of any pitcher in blaseball who pitched the full season, one of the reasons why a 1.5-star pitcher wound up with such a solid record and ERA.

Question marks: Is there enough star power and defense? This team has plenty of great players and real team unity, but can they stand out against top teams like the Tigers and Pies? That is truly the only question, as the foundation here is as strong as any team in the league.

Final take: If a couple of players can get hot and play on another level during the postseason, it would not be shocking to see the Garages make a run at the finals. That said, they could also lose quickly and fade into PARTYTIME if the pitchers stumble in the most pivotal moments.

San Francisco Lovers

The Lovers should have had one of the best pitching staffs in blaseball, but definitely stumbled at times this season to live up to expectations. Still, their pitching and defense is the star of the show as they head into the playoffs, as they’ve allowed the fewest runs of any non-Crab team in the Wild league.

That pitching is headlined by Yosh Carpenter, a lead contender for pitcher of the year, and supported by Sandford Garner. Parker Meng has potential but has struggled this season, but we could see them turn things around in the postseason.

The offense is … an issue. Knight Urlacher is an on-base machine and Don Mitchell offers plenty of pop, but there are some real weak spots in this batting order. Can the Lovers score enough to win when it matters?

Best player: Has to be Carpenter, who was among the top pitchers in almost every category outside of strikeouts. When Yosh is on the mound, there’s no doubt that the Lovers are favorites in that game.

Unsung hero: Most of the players on this team are as good, or bad, as advertised, but we will give a shout out to Helga Moreno. One of two Helgas on the team with similar star ratings, Moreno had a fantastic season, posting double-digit totals in doubles, triples and home runs while striking out the least of any Lovers batter.

Question marks: Can this team hit enough to overcome the weak points in its rotation? If Carpenter pitches, this team likely wins that game, but otherwise, can they outscore other Wild league opposition enough to win a playoff series?

Final take: The Lovers don’t stand out as favorites in any way, but when you have a handful of stars, anything can happen. That said, it’s hard to see them toppling the Crabs.

Boston Flowers

No team is riding high into the postseason quite like these Flowers. An incredible comeback on the final day of the season capped off by a Moses Mason shame-inducing, game-winning homer against the Jazz Hands sent Boston to the playoffs against all odds.

So now, where do they go from here? The lineup is led by Jacob Haynes and Hann Fox at the heart of the order, and there are few true weak points on the batting side of things for Boston. 

Pitching? Not quite as rosy of an outlook. Every pitcher on the staff had an ERA over 4 with three northwards of 5, so there’s no real ace to depend on in a big game.

If this team is going anywhere, it’s on heart and a rugged resolve after a very trying season in terms of weather events.

Best player: Hahn Fox replaced team captain and fan favorite Beck Whitney in a feedback swap and is doing a great job of winning over a new fanbase. Fox has power, speed, and can come up big in key moments.

Editor’s note: Flowers pitcher “Ace” Chambers Simmons let us know on Twitter that Firewall obviously overlooked superstar Jacob Haynes, who is one of the best dang hitters in the league. They even stole a base in the pivotal Game 99 comeback, a very rare sight indeed. Firewall has been shamed for his mistake.

Unsung hero: Dunn Keyes needs to reign in the walks a bit, but this pitcher can miss bats. Ranked among the best in the league in terms of preventing hits, and sporting a healthy strikeout rate, if Keyes can find the strike zone in the playoffs, they could deliver a clutch performance

Question marks: The pitching staff is suspect at best, and the lineup lacks speed on the basepaths. Can they scrape together enough runs to help out their pitching rotation?

Final take: To even make it here is magical for the Flowers, and they’ll hope to grow in the postseason. I don’t have high hopes for them, but as an objective observer of the sport, I would love for them to prove me wrong.

The post Season 6 Playoff Team Previews appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

The sixth season of recorded blaseball history is halfway finished, and our analysts have been hard at work figuring out the most likely playoff teams based on the first 50 or so games.

So here’s our quick look at the predicted playoff teams from each league, along with the odds of each making the playoffs and winning the Internet Series.

Wild High Champions: Baltimore Crabs (100% to make playoffs, 82% to win Internet Series)

The Crabs are the best team in blaseball and at this point, the gods might not even be able to stop them. It would take several lineup shakeups and some serious bad luck for them to fall anywhere short of the championship.

Wild Low Champions: Houston Spies (50% to make playoffs, 0% to win Internet series)

The Wild Low division is the toughest to predict, but the Spies have a healthy lead at the halfway point and seem to be the team to beat in the division. We give both the Boston Flowers and Hellmouth Sunbeams a 25% chance of catching the Spies for first place in this division by season’s end.

Wild cards: Chicago Firefighters (45% to make playoffs, 5% to win Internet Series) and Breckenridge Jazz Hands (30% to make playoffs, 2% to win Internet Series)

While the Wild High division features plenty of top competitors, we still think the two other playoff teams from the Wild league will come from the High division. It’s impossible to count out the New York Millennials or San Francisco Lovers, who was have with 10% chances each of making the playoffs. We just believe that the Firefighters have the championship experience needed to make a late charge for the first wild card spot, and Nagomi Mcdaniel will keep the Jazz Hands on track for the second position.

Mild High Champions: Seattle Garages (35% to make playoffs, 1% to win Internet Series)

Here’s one of our first big surprises. We see the Garages making a late run to the top of the Mild High division, and even give them a chance of winning it all. They’ve been tested against teams with records over .500 all season, and while they haven’t been super successful, they’ve more than held their own. With four capable pitchers (Huerta, Monstera, Clark and Marshallow) and a superstar batter in Lang Richardson, this team could make some noise.

Mild Low Champions: Philly Pies (80% to make playoffs, 8% to win Internet Series)

Just like splortsmanship, Jessica Telephone is BACK. The future blaseball Hall of Famer is leading the Pies to the top of the Mild Low division, while Bright Zimmerman, Betsy Trombone and Elvis Figueroa have delivered some fantastic pitching performances. As of today, they’re the team with the best shot of taking down the Crabs in the finals.

Wild cards: Charleston Shoe Thieves (40% to make playoffs, 1% to win Internet Series) and Hades Tigers (40% to make playoffs, 1% to win Internet Series)

We also give the Mints (20%) and Magic (5%) a shot to make it out of the Mild Wild Card hunt, but the Shoe Thieves and Tigers simply have the most talent on their rosters. Beasley Gloom and Gunther O’Brian have overhauled the Charleston pitching staff, while Hiroto Wilcox and Famous Owens are keeping the Tigers on track from the mound.

The post Blaseball Season 6 Playoff Odds Update appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

The election was anticipated by fans and players alike, but now that the results are out, let’s take a quick look at how everything shook out, and then discuss some of the ramifications of the latest bit of splorts democracy in action.

Wow! First of all, starting with the decree, this is sure to shake things up, as the most powerful teams are now all stuck together in a single division.

And while many will point to the Crabs gaining a lot in this election, don’t overlook the loss of the super-buffed Nagomi Mcdaniel. That will hurt Baltimore and really help the Jazz Hands. Just look at all those stars!

And finally … what a turn of events for the Dallas Steaks! After not receiving any blessings of note since Jessica Telephone was swapped away, they get a huge boost to their lineup, adding both August Sky (formerly of the Jazz Hands) and Conner Haley (beloved but not very good pitcher for the Steaks) to their already solid batch of hitters.

Blaseball News Network will have lots of reactions and news coming out of this election, but we want to hear from you. Let us know on social media, in the comments, or via soulscream how you feel about the results of the Season 5 election!

The post Blaseball Season 5 Election Results appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

LETS LOOK BACK AT SEASON FOUR OF THE CULTURAL EVENT THAT IS BLASEBALL.

Hey everybody, it’s me, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the real big one, that think you’ve all been waiting for. That’s right. it’s time for all the big happenings of Season 4, all bundled into one tidy, but massively large place. The almighty Season 4 has ended, with a champion named. Without further ado, lets get started.

Feedack, the mysterious storms that assail so many of our Blaseball games this season had quite the odd effect. At the most inopportune times, Players were forced to swap allegiances from one team to another. This Feedback effected many of the teams around the league to great effect. Here were the Feedback occurrences from all of Season 4.

It didn’t take long for the Blaseball universe to find out the effects of these Feedback storms, as in a mysterious event, the Chicago Firefighter’s 4* Hitter Paula Mason and Dallas Steaks’ 2.5* Hitter Thomas Kirby swapped team allegiances after their head-to-head competition on Day 4 of the season. Though well over 50 games had been effected by Feedback by Day 4, this was the first direct effect BNN observed it having on any player.

Mere moments after winning a game in which they were favored, the feedback that surrounded the match gave the New York Millennials a loss. The strange weather conditions forced the teams 1.5* hitter Alyssa Harrel to switch allegiances to their opponent and division rival, the Yellowstone Magic, in return for the 1* Hitter Penelope Matthews.

While through 24 games of Season 4 we only saw two instances of Feedback impacting Blaseball, it was followed by two instances within six games. In a seemingly otherwise routine Crabs victory over the Jazz Hands, feedback struck once again during day 25. The crabs exchanged 3.5* batter Valentine Games with the Jazz Hands with actual Blaseball playing fox, 2.5* batter Tot Fox.

In a statement released to BNN, Tot Fox seemed to regret not doing what they could in order to stop the Feedback Frenzy from occurring. Maybe next time.

Just several games later, after a Moist Talkers win, Workman Gloom was separated from his beloved puppy Beasley Gloom, a treasured teammate on the Shoe Thieves. In return for Workman Gloom, the Moist Talkers sent over Joe Vorhees, a trade with which nobody seemed happy about.

After a win over the favored Garages on Day 36, the Dalés lost their beloved 1.5* Hitter, Farrell Seagull to the opposing team. In return, they gained the 2* Hitter Avila Guzman. We’ve yet to see major impact from this mysterious trade, but we’re sure big things are to come.

On day 37, the humble Houston Spies defeated the favored Philly Pies. In a massive frenzy of Feedback during the game however, the 2* Hitter Yeong-Ho Benitez of the Spies and 2* Hitter Marrow Wilson traded places seemingly at random! While this Feedback trade may appear even on paper, Marrow Wilson is a great 4.5* defender compared to Yeong-Ho Benitez’s 2*.

Right at the beginning of a three game series between the Hades Tigers and the Philly Pies, a massive storm of feedback sent 2x League MVP 5.5* Hitter and Wielder of the Dial Tone Jessica Telephone back to her Season 2 home, the Philly Pies. The Pies aren’t to be confused with her Season 1 home, the Dallas Steaks. In return for arguably the best player in all of Blaseball, the League Leading Hades Tigers received the 1* Batting Spears Taylor. However, as a 4* Defensive expert, Taylor brought a much needed boost to what was once the worst defense in The Evil League.

On Day 54, after the Underdog Unlimited Tacos won a game over the Boston Flowers during a series of matches that were a part of determining the last place team in the league, 1.5* Hitter Vito Kravitz of the Flowers and 1.5* Hitter Moses Mason of the Tacos switched places due to a sudden storm of Feedback. A fairly routine swap of two average players between the bottom two teams in the match isn’t quite as exciting as other Feedback events has been, but is still important!

After the underdog Charleston Shoe Thieves picked up an upset over the favored Boston Flowers, there once again was a mysterious Feedback event! 1.5* Hotbox Sato of the Flowers was sent to the Shoe Thieves in return for the 1.5* Legendary Hitter, Morrow Doyle. Doyle, the player who hit the Grand Unslam, will certainly be missed by the Thieves. Well… *was* missed by the Thieves.

In yet another fascinatingly odd Feedback Frenzy, the Hawaii Friday’s Basilio Fig and Unlimited Taco’s Baldwin Breadwinner swapped places right in the middle of a match up between the two teams! These players went on to have great impact on their respective teams, helping both of them miss the postseason.

Just one day after the last Feedback event, the Millennials’ Richardson Games swapped with the Shoe Thieves’ Ren Hunter on Day 83 of competition. We’re not sure why the feedback chased the Shoe Thieves so hard during the second half of the Season. Maybe it wanted its shoe back?

In Day 3 of competition, the Hawaii Fridays put up 23 runs to the Charleston Shoe Thieves’ 8, setting a new single game score record, beating the previous record of 20 runs! Congratulations to the Fridays for this great team effort and all that it involves. BNN is sure this record will be broken before we know it, however!

On the final day of normal Season 4, the long-eliminated-from-Poseason-contention and #PARTYTIME experts Boston Flowers and Unlimited Tacos went a record 24 innings, causing the first instance on record of Spillover. With their game taking more than one full day, it’s lucky for these Blaseball players that their services weren’t needed for the Postseason. They need the rest.

In memoriam:whit steakknife

Tragically, during a routine solar eclipse game vs. the San Francisco Lovers, beloved Kansas City Breath Mints Hitter Whit Steakknife was incinerated. This is the first incineration of what many hoped would be a less tragic season than before. However, the Discipline Era lives on, which means we’re sure to still see plenty of incarcerations to come. We wish the Breath Mints Blaseball family well as they continue playing through the loss of their friend and teammate, a literal knife.

IN MEMORIAM: STEVENSON MONSTERA

BNN was sad to report that on the 50th day of Season 4, a Rogue Umpire incident struck the Dallas Steaks, incinerating their teammate and Hitter Stevenson Monstera. Our condolences to family, teammates, incorporeal beings, fans, pets, and others effected by this loss.

in memoriam: Eduardo Ingram

A mere eight days after the Incineration of Stevenson Monstera, the Breath Mints hitter Eduardo Ingram was incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. With the Breath Mints since Day 1 of Season 1 and survived by his wife, Leach Ingram, Eduardo surely will be missed by fans of the team and beyond. Eduardo, a 3* overall player, was replaced by the 2* Lenny Spruce.

in memoriam: Matheo Carpenter

Within 10 days of the Boston Flowers being involved in two Feedback events, they lost their beloved Hitter Matheo Carpenter to a Rogue Umpire. One can never tell what’s coming next when Solar Eclipses are involved.

in memoriam: Combs Duende

The Baltimore Crabs lost their Hitter Combs Duende to a Rogue Umpire Incineration on Day 63 of the Season.

Runolfio Peeper’s award-winning “70 More Blaseball Sonnets” contained the following about Duende:

Our Combs Duende swings a mighty hair
It’s earned them o’er three hundred confirmed hits
So much, they’ll many times be heard to swear
“I’m trained in unarmed combat, little shits!”

They’ve killed the ball in seven hundred ways
Precision never seen before on Earth
And all who’ve battled Combs admit it pays
To really know a clever comment’s worth.

For Combs is merely average most the time
They hear an insult, then their words you’ll mark
A storm will meet the maggot’s verbal crime
Bare hands will hit the ball out of the park.

Be careful ‘ere you give Combs any sass
They graduated tops in blaseball class.

https://blaseball.fandom.com/wiki/Combs_Duende

in memoriam: Thomas England

On Day 86 of the Season, Thomas England, a Lineup player for the Hawaii Fridays since Day 1 of Season 1, was hit with a Disciplinary Incineration. Replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker, this 2* Hitter is carried on in the hearts of friends, family, and at least one fan.

in memoriam: Morrow Doyle

On Day 98, the second to last day of Season 4’s regular play, one of the League’s most storied players left the mortal plane. Morrow Doyle, the originator of the Grand Unslam and former Shoe Thief played only 40 games for the Flowers before meeting their untimely end.

Following The Grand Unslam and its profound effect on Doyle’s body, they were quoted saying:

I have had each atom in my body pulled apart by the cruel hand of an indifferent universe in an endless moment in which time ceased to have all meaning and I remained frozen in perfect agony for the entire lifetime of the universe. I have reclaimed each and every particle and reconstituted myself by sheer Force of Will to return to the field. I have transcended pain, transcended injury. The only thing I fear now is an Umpire’s fire.

Morrow Doyle, before they met the Umpire’s fire.

Morrow will be missed.

After a few games at the beginning of this season, it was looking like the Hades Tigers, and by extension 2x Blaseball League MVP Jessica Telephone, might just be a normal Blaseball team after all. However, 20 games into the season, this is anything but true. The wielder of the Dial Tone swallowed a stray Peanut and had a yummy reaction, raising her from a 5* to a 5.5* player. Just when we at BNN thought that Jessica Telephone and the Tigers couldn’t get better, we were proven wrong. Of course, Jessica is now on the Pies. So we were… PROVEN WRONG AGAIN.

After an amazing effort that started with a simple Single and that was followed by stealing 2nd, 3rd, and then home base, New York Millennials star player Sandie Turner returned to the team dugout to find the 3-Blood Blagonball. Together with the 5-Blood Blagonball that was found by Splorts Fans before the beginning of Season 4, this is starting to look like a trend. However, I’m not worried!

Ah, the incredible Blaseball postseason! The teams that made the quarter-finals of the postseason were basically no surprise at all. In fact, it looked almost identical to the Season 3 postseason. In fact, almost the entire Season 4 postseason looked identical to the Season 3 postseason. The favored teams all made it into the Semi-Finals (after a very exciting series between the Shoe Thieves and Firefighters that had me thinking that the underdogs almost had a chance), the Tigers Smashed Everybody and Then Here We Are Again:

I mean, really, I would go more in-depth into this Postseason but there isn’t much to talk about. The Hades Tigers smashed everybody once again, making it look and feel easy, even after the loss of the Best Hitter in The League, Jessica Telephone, early in the Season. We’ll see how powerful they are AFTER the Election Results are announced though!

THAT’S ALL FOLKS.

Anyways. That’s all we have for now. There it is! The whole season! Amazing! Check in soon yet again for power rankings and predictions for Season 5!

REMEMBER:

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post THAT’S A WRAP: SEASON 4 RECAP. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.