Atlantis Georgias

The Georgias Hubris Cycle reached cataclysmic heights this season as we went from a record-breaking 113 wins and a nice 69% win rate in the main season to being viciously swept out of the postseason in our first round. So what went wrong?

The Georgias were abuzz right from the start as we were projected to be the strongest team this season, due to a very solid pitching rotation and a great defence to back it up. However our offence was comparatively mediocre, despite a few star players in the form of fan-favourite 80s horror protagonist Penelope Video, deep-sea rave DJ Hyena Dropper, and Gianna Schenn who became our best hitter thanks to an incredible Yummy reaction only to be stranded at the end of our Lineup by a Reverb.

By the end of the main season we had given up fewer runs than any other team, but were only tenth in total runs scored. This reliance on defence gave us a lot of close games, and while the length of the main season ensured it averaged out in our favour, for the postseason it left us easily at risk of being eliminated by a few bad games.

And what a few bad games they were. With the rise in overall league offence from the midseason Elections, combined with the Georgias failing to secure any Squid Gifts or Blood Jams and choking in both of our Prize Matches, it was probably inevitable that our initial advantage would wear off. Things went even more disastrously in the second game against the Shoe Thieves when a massive blizzard froze the weaker half of the Shoe Thieves’ Lineup, leaving us facing an absolutely deadly array of batters, including former Georgia Babka McCoy, who was Feedbacked for Lorcan Griffey earlier in the season.

-Jangalian (Jangalian#7646 on Discord)

Charleston Shoe Thieves

This Circuit we’re highlighting (but not Charging) Zora Kramer, a garbage pitcher whose fighting spirit inspired us all.

Our playoff series versus the Wild Wings showed the depth of Zora’s grit. They pitched first, eager to give us a win, and immediately gave up a 2-run homer. We lost that game 19–6, and Zora squatted on the mound, disappointed. They tried, but the rest of the Rotation would have to carry us.

But in the third game, a winter storm Froze two subsequent pitchers, and Zora was called back from the bullpen! A second chance. Zora took a breath, concentrated. A hardened gaze through the snowstorm.

The Wings scored 7 runs that inning. Final score: 25–3. Zora was in anguish. Had they not tried hard enough? They looked inward as we looked to the next game and to Hartley Pebble, who had already given us a win this series.

But wait— who’s that walking to the mound? It’s Zora! They begged for one last chance to give their team a win, and who could say no to that hunger, that drive? So, in defiance of all reason, bottom-of-the-league Zora Kramer took the mound for the third time in a five-game series.

Each pitch was a herculean effort. Visibly straining, Zora held the Wings to one run for an unthinkable six innings. We watched in disbelief as they tore themselves apart to keep us in this series. By the seventh inning, they were spent, but never stopped fighting. The Wings won, but only by two runs.

Zora’s heart was broken, but ours were full of pride. They left it all on the mound, and what more could you ask of a player? We didn’t charge Zora Kramer, but don’t let that fool you. Zora will be with us forever, in heart and sole.

-Jeremy T (APieceOfWorkAmI#8349)

Chicago Firefighters 

Well, if nothing else, the Chicago Firefighters had another interesting Circuit. 

Let’s start from the beginning: when the teams were first revealed, we appeared to have a pretty standard Firefighters team. Average at best with some half decent batters, bad pitching, okay defense, and far more peanut allergies than not. It seemed as though we would be headed for the Fiesta, if we were lucky.

That did not happen.

Less than 40 games into the season, the Firefighters experienced a Night Shift for the thirdCircuit in a row, bringing out Owen Turbo, who would end up being the best pitcher in the League (and despite Feedbacking to the Spies, would only lose two games the entire season), inevitably helping the team narrowly miss the Fiesta. 

That’s not where the weather stopped, though. The team had three Feedbacks over the course of the season: a shockingly mutually beneficial early one with the Crabs, the aforementioned Turbo feedback for Cher Kumar of the Spies (which took a day to go through because of “features”), and a late season batter swap with the Garages. With the Firefighters only having two non-Allergic players, it was no surprise when fan favourite Tube Nebula got decimated by a Peanut (and was equally not shocking when they became our Guest of Honor). Most notably, however, was Craig Faucet getting incinerated and proceeding to play another 10 games afterwards, who despite our best efforts— was not even charged for their troubles.

The thing is, none of these things stopped the Firefighters. Despite winning no Blessings or items, being bombarded with weather, and using their only boosts to salvage a hurt player, they managed to claw their way to third seed, claiming fifth in the league despite all odds. And more than anything, I think that’s the story of the Firefighters this Circuit and beyond; the ability to make something out of nothing.

–Stara

Hellmouth Sunbeams

The Hellmouth Sunbeam entered this Short Circuit right where they wanted to be– bound for the .500 line. Sure, in a season with parties for the worst teams and Playoffs for the best, that had downsides, but the Beams knew what they were about… and then they tanked their way into the midseason fiesta badly enough to get into round one and they were ready to Party their way to the top! And then… they didn’t. One game in EPT, a bit of timeline shenanigans, and the fiesta ended with the Beams better than before but not playoffs material. But not for long!

Because then the Beams claimed (one of) the Title Belt(s) and Royce Spider decided to sit on it, the universe decided that that was Royce’s. And then… the belt got taken. But not for long! Because then the Beams got the only Wild Card slot! They were in the Playoffs! They were going for the championship! And then… they got kicked out round one. And all this happened in a bog-theatre-gothic horror-small town with a chandelier containing the last shards of a dead sun. And their final record was 82-80.

There were icons, like Sun Paladin Amanda Rowdy, or incineration replacement Calvin Revenant, or Samuel ‘Slamuel’ Finnegan, but there was one real hero. Julian Greene had plenty going for them. An early standout on the starting roster, Julian entered the world with 3.9 batting stars. They’d have a top 10 OPS+ (ignoring all the undead invaders from another universe) and a taste for snacking on snow which would bring them to nearly 5 batting stars over the course of the season (before dragging them back to a measly 4.5). But who cares about that? Pregame Ritual Charging? Let’s gooooooooooooo!

-Nix

San Francisco Lovers

It was a beat-down for the Lovers this circuit, trying their best to sell their angle to no avail. The team narrowly slid their way into the midseason Fiesta, missing out on all the action before it could even begin. According to insider sources, a feud between the Lovers and the Mexico City Wild Wings started to get hot after headliner Fontaine Teacup Feedbacked with Liv Chan, but the show was not over for this B-Team yet.

The Lovers held to their wills, and held up their pants holding onto one of the… two title belts until right before the Postseason. When Parker declared reunification, it was a headliner match against Miami. It was a clean finish with the Lovers on the mat. Miami went on into the post season, leaving the Lovers to nurse their aches & bruises.

Eliot Heartfield was sent up into the Mic with the hope that they wouldn’t be destined to become just another Jannetty, but the fate of our Charged players is a story line for another era. All in all, these Lovers couldn’t keep the gold, but that didn’t mean this season wasn’t a popcorn match. With the circuits over and the next era in limbo, maybe this team can get on after all.

-Avery M. (Ackasi#9049 on Discord)

Mexico City Wild Wings

The Mexico City Wild Wings were good this Short Circuit. This was very confusing for a lot of long term Wings fans, because the Wings have never been good. Even when they won their Championship, they came from fourth in the conference. Even when Burke Gonzales was one of the best pitchers in the League they were barely a 0.500 team. So 99 wins and a trip to the Championship, even if it was to lose to The Breath Mints. (a fine, deserving winner) was the sort of inexplicable thing that tested the very boundaries of the game’s capabilities to handle, and was thus appropriate for a Short Circuit.

The “why” of the Wings being good is actually very easy to explain. They hit the ball a lot (1468, first in the League), hit it the furthest (SLG 0.501, first) and thus scored the most runs (975, first). Such was the ferocious offensive output that meant it almost didn’t matter that Tobias Diallo and Mitch Pink forgot where the strike zone was for innings at a time (third and fourth in walks league wide, respectively).

The continual high performance of Soledad Drama, Nova Bye, Alonso Clement, and Lillian McKinley (a 98% consensus pick to charge the microphone) led to the most improbable Wings team to ever exist, a rollicking riotous ball of fun that wasn’t constrained by the Wings of seasons past, and featured such fantastic names as Genesis Toad and Slow McDonald.

Will the Wings be this good again? Probably not. But it won’t matter. The one time we were good was fun, and underdog stories are also fun, and maybe one day we’ll get to see Lillian hit a ball a long way again. Which will be fun.

-BNN Wild Wings correspondent Spludge

Philly Pies

The Pies have traditionally been very good at Elections, so the Front Office started this Short Circuit by enacting a Faustian Pact to have more Elections than we knew what to do with. However, the Front Office failed to read this diabolical document closely enough, missing the footnote where it said anything the Pies elect either wouldn’t matter or wouldn’t actually ever be received by the team.

The mood in the Pies locker room was high despite all this; the team partied hard in the Mid-Season Fiesta, culminating in Nadia Outlaw proclaiming, “I’m never leaving Philly!” and chaining themselves to the radiator. This served to deny the Microphone’s later Feedback attempt, leaving the Wild Wings’ Slow McDonald standing outside the clubhouse.

Kristi Finnegan and Wolf Buss carried the team’s rotation post-parties, and things seemed to be up for the Pies in the second half of the season, until Seyyid Goodhart ate a Peanut and went from one of the worst pitchers in the ILB to the absolute worst in franchise history across all dimensions, proving that you don’t need to be Superallegic to ruin your pitching career.

Although Kid Darling had been sent to party early in hopes the additional training would prime them for Charging the Microphone at season’s end, by the time it was clear the Pies’ playoff hopes were dashed, it became equally clear that Kid’s performance was a disappointment, failing to meet any expectations whatsoever. Seeing this underwhelming lateseason play, the Pies elected to send grizzled power hitter, Ariana Beard in their place.

The Pies have been thoroughly undercooked in the last few circuits; they can only hope the long siesta will give them enough time in the oven to emerge crisp, hot, fresh, and ready by the time Blaseball returns.

-Ads (wilcxck#8979 on Discord)

Seattle Garages

At the start of this Circuit, the Garages were bad. The team was cursed with the highest Patheticism in the League by a mile, such that even making contact with the ball was a miracle. No player exemplified this like Dimi Wobbler, who generated as the worst of the worst, a dismal 0.6 stars. Seeing the writing on the wall, the Garages sighed, laughed (because you have to laugh) and awaited the Party Time they knew was coming.

Then, on Day 3, Dimi Wobbler hit a solo home run to shame the Breath Mints, who would go on to win the Championship. It was their first hit.

Dimi “Warbler” Wobbler, a tiny bird with incredible vibes and very little skill, was on a quest to prove that a positive attitude can overcome any statistical shortcomings. On Day 42, the Garages experienced a full-team Reverb. Instead of the worst batting in the League, they now had the worst pitching. Dimi moved four spots higher in the Lineup. They continued to be bad at Blaseball.

As the Garages’ Guest of Honor, Dimi partied three times and got better. Then Dimi partied again during a game. Suddenly, the silly little bird with excellent vibes had three batting stars. Dimi’s name started to pop up in scoring events more… and more… and more. Despite spending the first half of the season struggling to get on base, they ended with the second-most hits and stolen bases.

All season, the other Garages suffered under the Weather. Reverb decimated the rotation. Their best batter got incinerated; two more Feedbacked away. An already-terrible pitcher had an allergic reaction right after their final game. Dimi just hit the ball some more.

That’s the power of a positive attitude.

– crab

Tokyo Lift

The pitchers were idols, the hitters were yuru-chara mascots and the fans were feeling an unfamiliar tingle of… hope?

Tokyo rolled a strong team. Almost from the start the Lift were chasing a Playoff spot. They couldn’t keep pace with the Ballad-leading Wild Wings, that was clear early on, but the batting of Pop Tomorrah and some creditable pitching meant a winning record at Midseason and third place in Downtempo. Precisely none of this was thanks to Herb Swamp.

Idol performer Art Dembélé was a strikeout machine with Ruthlessness the way a sea has wet. Baffled cruise-ship tourist Seth Bitters was a sexagenarian workhorse with decent ERA but never the wins to show for it. Even Omar “Give Us” Nothing had fans. Herb Swamp, meanwhile, was a firebombed storefront of a player with one-third of a pitching star, Forbidden Knowledge that was painful to read, and not even a tragic backstory to lean on.

But the Tokyo Lift are all about gains. Rather than build an already solid performer into a titan the fans hailed Swamp as their Guest of Honour. Three parties revealed a promising hitter, if still a pitcher for whom mediocrity was but a distant dream.

A Yummy reaction late in the season changed that. Post-Peanut Herb was a monster in every department, bar their day job, and perfectly serviceable there. It wasn’t enough to save the campaign, the Lift having lost all momentum after back-to-back sweeps by the Shoe Thieves and Wings, but joyful fans now coalesced around Swamp as the little kappa that could. And, in some universe, she still might.

Wait, is that hope again?

-elmonstro (elmonstro#6813)

And a final note – BNN relies on reports from readers like you to fill out articles! If you’d like to contribute something in the future, head on over to our discord!

The post The Last Dance: Short Circuit 3 Downtempo Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Season 10. Election. A new challenger. The first since time immemorial. But… wuh oh! They’re bad. Really bad. Eventually they become… fine. Between bad and fine lies the Lift’s 14 swolest players. That’s right, it’s dream team time! 

As with the other articles in this series, this one must follow certain rules:

1. There will be the standard 9 Lineup Players and 5 Pitching Players. Players cannot Elsewhere or Shelled.
2. The Selection must represent a single season on that team in their role.
3. The player must have played at least one full season with that team.
4. A player can only be used once in the 14 positions.
5. No Replicas are allowed.

In addition, this list contains a few players and seasons who aren’t “good” per se, but are still considered iconic members of the team (or at the very least, statistically interesting). This is a different philosophy than some other articles in this series, and is used to accommodate the limited pool of “good” players on our team. Also, some players have item mods if they spent all 99 days of the regular season with said mod. I’m actually not sure if other articles in this series did this, but I felt it was necessary. 

LINEUP

Season 14 Goodwin Morin (SB: 60 OPS: 1.061)

What do I even say about Goodwin Morin? 

Goodwin was good. She won. 

Often thought of as Seattle’s Dark Star, Goodwin was also a staple of early-to-mid-Expansion Era Lift. She spent three seasons on the Lift, and one of those seasons we almost even made it to the playoffs! Then wildcarded in anyway, because of course we did. Her first season was easily her best, though- she didn’t party much. 

Season 20 Gerund Pantheocide (BA: 0.353 OPS: 1.139)

Former co-captain Gerund Pantheocide was always a better batter than pitcher. Her first ever at bat ended with a triple off of the first pitch. She is number 3 on the all-time batting average leaderboard, not counting replicas. She refused Carcinization, then shamed the Crabs. she generated some of the first un-birds. She died and came back pitching. She scattered the Coin. Gerund Pantheocide, Misnomer, is not only inaccurate. 

It’s iconic.

Season 23 Engine Eberhardt (BA: .342, SB 115, 3B: 50, OPS: 1.145)

I literally just wrote 1000 words about this guy. Sorry.

Season 21 Knight Triumphant (BA/RISP: .422, HR: 20)

Knight spent their two seasons in Tokyo swinging for the fences. A replacement for Engine, Knight was more than up to the task. Beloved by just, so many teams, Knight had also sipped from Ayanna Dumpington in the early Expansion Era, making this a fitting “return”, so to speak, of talent. A dingers machine and a very, very competent cleanup hitter, Knight has more than earned their spot.

Season 23 Kline Greenlemon (R: 70 BA: .325, 3B: 38, OPS: 1.069)

Aside from Subtractor (and the mysterious dip of BA/RISP to near zero that it brings), Kline is just a second Engine. Not nearly as good at stealing bases, but similarly good at hitting and sets limself up to be batted in extremely consistently. With Outdoorsy, Lift is the best (or worst, with subtractor) team for Kline in the Wild (or Levil) League, and is only just barely beaten by the Yellowstone Magic overall. Solid all around, and filth studies show that Kline doesn’t even get worse in negative Grandiosity stadiums.

Season 23 Ankle Halifax (blaserunning item. BA: .320, SB: 51)

I feel the need to qualify this one. Ankle Halifax had a Blaserunning item for the entirety of this season, so I’m counting it as part of his performance. That being said: solid batting average and an extra 10.2 runs on top of whatever else he scored? How could I not include him?

Season 23 Theodore Honeywell (BB: 51, BA/RISP: .394)

Theodore Honeywell is bearloved in Tokyo for many reasons. Voicemailing into the lineup and immediately partying three times is just one. Teddy is a solid hitter, and although his baserunning is lacking, a single or a good walk sets up later hitters.

Season 23 Grollis Zephyr (BB: 73)

Grollis is Skipping. There’s no way around this. For seasons, the Lift attempted to improve Grollis, but it was never the priority. Then, Grollis Faxed out and Voicemailed in. Ze’s still not good, but Skipping… is a start. And we’re confident enough in hyr to put them here.

Season 11 Ayanna Dumpington (HR: 21, OPS: 0.788)

Last, and realistically least, is a blast from the past: breakout star Ayanna Dumpington wasn’t the best performing batter in Season 11, but she’s iconic enough to include. Ayanna’s batting average was perhaps sub-par, but she had almost twice the number of home-runs of the runner up. An okay last hitter representing our rookie season, the fans would riot if we left her out (even if she’s been in Hades much longer than Tokyo). Now that that’s done, onto…

Season 11 Wyatt Quitter (BA: what OPS: oh no)

Uh. Well.

I asked the ump if she could be here, and they allowed it. Well…

The Lift started with 10 hitters. It bent the rules then, it breaks them now. But Wyatt Quitter is an iconic part of our roster. It wouldn’t be a Lift dream team without her. Even, and especially, since they drag us down to their level.

ROTATION

Season 23 Silvaire Semiquaver (underhanded item. ERA: .46, SHO: 4)

Another asterisk. Silvaire had an underhanded item this entire season, so I count it as a part of her performance. She was an ERA leader that season, and easily might’ve led to our best season if not for the dead weight of Terrell Bradley pitching twice. 

Season 23 Domino Bootleg (ERA: 2.53, SO: 2, WHIP: .813)

Another ERA leader that season. An unexpected rise in performance, this season was a 3.40 dip in ERA from Season 22, and Domino and Silvaire together made a killer rotation. Unfortunately not much else to say about such an excellent pitcher.

Season 15 Coolname Galvanic (ERA: 2.68, BB: 1, WHIP: 0.695)

The Lift have a saying. ABC: Always Bet Coolname. As a low star pitcher, Coolname skewed the odds. With its high Ruthlessness, Coolname thrived in the early-to-mid Expansion Era, even though it’s a batter now. An early Infusion allowed it to dodge an alternation by less plugged in fans, and the seasons just after, 14 and 15, were easily the height of its power.

Season 14 Alejandro Leaf (ERA: 2.82, HR: 13 WHIP: 1.014)

A historically bad pitcher, Alejandro briefly thrived in Tokyo. With a signature, defense heavy style, Aly had less than one home run per game. Although she often let people get on base, she didn’t allow them to reach home, and really, that’s what matters. 

Season 20 Inky Rutledge (ERA: 2.66, QS: 15, SO: 5)

Inky’s time in Tokyo was something of a homecoming. Although she debuted for the Yellowstone Magic, she’s from the sea of Japan. During this time, however, she lost her beloved Blagonball to the Coin but otherwise laid low as a beloved but unremarkable workhorse on the rotation. Still, the Lift hurt for historically good pitchers, and if Aly Leaf got in, so does Inky.

This article is part of the Dream Team Series, in which our writers look back on the Discipline and Expansion Eras to create the strongest version of our beloved teams. Read the first in the series here. 

The post Swole at Heart: Tokyo Lift Dream Team appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

In many ways, Blaseball is a game about the stories we tell each other. Today, I will be completing the story of the Expansion Era, as told by the Tokyo Lift. Welcome to the Sixth Stage.

The Sixth Stage is a death ritual of sorts. A grief ritual, more commonly. It consists of 7 words: The Sixth Stage of Grief is Deicide.

I move today to change that word to Pantheocide. You’ll soon see why.

Season 20 was hard for the Lift. The Season 19 Elections saw five roster moves, three of which were wimdying away beloved players. Halexandry Walton for the Magic’s Evelton McBlase: 4%. Jessica Telephone for the Steaks’ Kline Greenlemon: 2%. And finally, Season 11 Lift player Cudi di Batterino for the Moist Talkers’ Goobie Ballson on a whopping 1%. To have a championship, then to lose all of those… vibes were weird, to say the least. On the bright side, Kline Greenlemon gained Outdoorsy, allowing lem to heavily overperform at home. We had the second-most Grandiose stadium. It was a good Blessing for the best of the worst! Also, we got this image out of it, so….

Unfortunately Goobie Ballson immediately Feedbacked away. 

In other Earlseason news, a rare and valuable Lift vs Crabs matchup led to an iconic showing by Lift batter Gerund Pantheocide. 

On Day 13, something extraordinary happened: the call of Carcinization was resisted. 

With Grollis on the mound and Black Hole in the air, collecting 10 seemed inevitable. And truly, it happened: top of the 8th, solo homer hits it over.

But what happened next was odd. Gerund, in line to be stolen, simply said “No.” with such Force that it just… didn’t happen. 

They went on to Shame the crabs at the bottom of the 9th for even trying.

I guess we also had a postseason run? Wildcard, Underbracket, beat the Wings, got kicked out. 

The pattern of immediate weather continued in Season 21, with a much more permanent, much more personal event: The incineration of co-captain Gerund Pantheocide. Gerund was the latest in a trend of Lift captainship casualties, so the position was abolished by surviving, now former, co-captain Yusef Fenestrate. The Sixth Stage, as always, carried on. In their honor. 

Season 22 was uneventful, by comparison; all except for the postseason.

In certain circles, this was known as the Clown Run. First, the Free Wills-qualified Lift won the Overbracket wildcard round, then got looped in Black Hole weather by the Georgias. With Sun(Sun) in effect, this gave us a Win. With a lost game due to said loop, we only needed one Win to finish the series after game one. And win we did! At the very last second. 

Second verse, worse than the first. The Sunbeams looped us twice, then won. We eventually moved on in four games. Wild League champions and Free Wills team the Tokyo Lift then got swept out of the finals by the Breath Mints. of all teams, with no Black Hole games to rely on. To top it all off, the Mints faxed in a Shelled Cudi di Batterino, showing us a Shelled player on the mound for the first time. In the finals.

Season 22’s Elections we’re excellent for us. In season 23, we looked unstoppable (and also Terrell Bradley was there). With a world-class Rotation, including two of the top 10 pitchers by ERA (and also Terrell Bradley was there). Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. The Worms destroyed us in the last playoffs of the era, and, due to a Faxed-in replica, down a pitcher. Unfortunately, Silvaire Semiquavier was taken by the Gachapon, and our one season of dominance was over. 

Finally, we watched the Semi-Centennial with bated breath, thinking it would be the last time Gerund Pantheocide would play. As people started getting twisted by the Vault Legends, we prayed that they wouldn’t. That they might return to us. They were alive now, after all.

They didn’t. They went to the Firefighters. Our star batter, once again alive, was from Chicago.

Thus, 24 was a rush to party before Partytime was abolished.

24 wasn’t that interesting, honestly. We headed for the Horizon almost immediately, with very little discussion.

It was very simple. And also we got nullified, which was cool.

Thus, wrapped up the Expansion era for the Lift. An anticlimactic ending, without much fanfare. We didn’t participate in the deicide, however— and thus, the Sixth Stage— Pantheocide— carries on.

The post The Sixth Stage of Grief: An Oral History of the Tokyo Lift Part 3 appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

In Season 14, the Tokyo Lift appeared in the playoffs— in what we know now as the Overbracket— for the very first time. We were knocked out by the Hades Tigers in the quarterfinals, but still celebrated a victory for gym rats everywhere.

In Season 14, we also suffered our first loss as a team, in the form of Wyatt Quitter’s Staticking— on Day 99, no less. Following the epic highs and lows of Friday Blaseball, how could Sunday compare? Well, let’s start with the Blessing we won.

Stijn Strongbody, team captain and famous mathematician, Elwin McGhee, extra-dimensional fungus inhabiting the body of a humanoid bug-thing, and Freemium Seraph, a robotic replica from Before. None of them were very good before winning the Soul Swap blessing, but something about Stijn’s experiments required Seraph’s soul to swap thrice, as well as their and Elwin’s once. The end result? Stijn and Elwin became much more optimized, but Seraph became much worse, despite a higher star count.

As for Wills, Cudi di Batterino finally came to pitch using Foreshadow, and burgeoning star Engine Eberhardt became even better using Infuse. In fact, before the infuse, Engine was actually in line for Soul Swapping.
You might know Engine these days for their appearance on the triples and stolen bases leaderboards. Good thing Blessings fire before Wills, or else they might’ve had a much harder time getting on base in the coming seasons.

Season 15, in light of these improvements, was incredible… for our standards at the time.

Coming off of the first positive non-loss differential in franchise history (51-48), Lift barely missed playoffs. In addition, because of an Idol Board plan, Nandy Slumps was attacked by a consumer in the last few days of play.

But that wasn’t a setback, per se. Nandy was an awful pitcher, an okay batter, and a good baserunner. We had been planning to move them to the Lineup anyway. That… wasn’t exactly the right choice in hindsight.

A promising prospect before their chomp, that 4.56 Earned Run Average turned into a .17 Batting Average during Season 16. Honestly, we should’ve just shadowed them.

But Nandy’s performance wasn’t the only tragedy of season 16, given that beloved Co-Captain Lance Seratonin was Redacted from our roster. Lance was Attracted by the Chicago Firefighters and Alternated that very Election by their On Deck Blessing. If they ever leave the Shadows, they won’t be the same Lance we knew. Let’s hope the Call treats them kindly.

And may the Sixth Stage carry on.

Speaking of Lift players lost in the Elections, Goodwin Morin was traded for Halexandry Walton, and Ayanna Dumpington was traded for… Jessica Telephone. Ring Ring, I suppose.

At the same time, Gerund Pantheocide was Moved from pitching to hitting— a much better swap than Nandy’s! In fact, on the very first pitch of their very first game batting, they hit a triple, briefly giving them a career Batting Average of 1. The team rode this high until day 44, during which Stijn Strongbody was incinerated, losing the Lift their second captain in as many seasons.

After that, our season kind of petered out. We missed the Playoffs. Badly. We weren’t very good to begin with, but a new birth wrecked our shot utterly.

On a lighter note, Season 17’s Elections saw us trade for Inky Rutledge and Infuse Cudi di Batterino.
Inky Rutledge isn’t on our current roster. Neither is Goodwin Morin or Jessica Telephone. The Tokyo Lift has gained and lost a surprising number of legends of the game, including former PODs. It’s wild.

After a fairly uneventful season 18 (41-58), the elections held massive shakeups. With Turntables, we finally had a chance at victory. Engine, however, started their Road Trip between Tokyo and Dallas (and back again). Jessica Telephone was Alternated, and Cudi di Batterino was given the mod Intuitive.

Lots contributed to the Season 19 Victory of the Tokyo Lift over the Seattle Garages in a five-game Internet Series for the ages!

Let’s talk about the actual bracket, though.

Going 46-53 in a season where winning is losing allotted us fourth seed, playing the Chicago Firefighters. Since the playoffs were the worst teams in the league, the wildcards were automatically the favorites— but the Firefighters choked. A dunk by Elsewhere Halexandry Walton sealed their fate in this series, letting us move on to the next.
Next was the Mexico City Wild Wings. As the first seed, they were the worst team in the Wild League. An easy opponent, ending their run with a shutout by Coolname Galvanic.

The next series with the Flowers was the same. This series went to five, and Coolname pitched a perfect game to end it.

Finally, the Internet Series.
It had all come to this.
The Garages seemed doomed to lose at this level, though.

In 5, with a Coolname Galvanic shutout.

Our first ring. The very first.

This era of the Lift started with grief and ended with elation. For Quitter, for Stijn, for Lance, for all those that are left behind.

The best of the worst. The Season 19 Champions.

The Tokyo Lift.
And may the Sixth Stage carry on.

The post The Sixth Stage of Grief: An Oral History of the Tokyo Lift Part 2 appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

The Stages of Grief as defined by the Tokyo Lift are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… And Deicide. We have only lost one player, and we are already out for blood.

But how did we get here? How did we go from PARTYTIME Speedrun to 2-3ing the Tigers in quarterfinals?

And why does it matter?

To talk about the history of the Tokyo Lift, first I’ll have to talk about Season 10’s Elections. To talk about the Elections, I’ll have to talk about the PODs. To talk about the PODs, I’ll have to talk about the Baltimore Crabs. To talk about the Crabs, I have to remind everyone about Rule 6b, now retracted: If a team wins three championships, they, and Blaseball, shall ascend.

The Crabs were the first team to ascend and that’s all that needs to be said about them. Season 10’s Internet Series saw the Crabs go Up, but not before losing to the Shelled One’s PODs on Day X, who were then defeated by the Hall Stars.

The ascension of the Crabs left a power vacuum in a newly fractured Wild High— The Mexico City Wild Wings were only two seasons into the Division, and the Hades Tigers had just entered. With Crabs gone, this left two original members of a Division missing its most dominant team.

After this, the Shelled One’s PODs fell to earth, leaving the Lift with Wyatt Quitter— the very batter that did the Crabs in. In one shot, mind you.

With the stage set, we can now enter Season 11, the Lift’s first. The first (and only) season in the non-Crab era, Season 11 was the Lift’s biggest tank year.

The Lift’s first home run was by Ayanna Dumpington, the first win was pitched by Coolname Galvanic. Tokyo tied the speedrun record at 73 and ended up with the least games per game of any ILB team, past or present.

Part of this was, of course, due to Wyatt Quitter. Quitter is a long and storied player in their own right. But, as NaN proves, plot relevance doesn’t give you good batting stats, and their legendary Day X power was a thing of the past. They weren’t our worst player, but they did their part— lengthening our lineup so that better batters were farther apart, hitting ground outs, being absolutely beloved by the Lift, the Tacos, and the league as a whole— the usual star player things. 

The Coffee Cup saw them lose in round one on Light and Sweet Electric Co., and they weren’t the only one. Of the Lift players active at the time, only 4 made it to round two: Stijn Strongbody, Lotus Mango, Cudi di Batterino, and Yusef Fenestrate. Of these, only Lotus and Cudi made it to round three, both with Club de Calf, and they lost their series, leaving the Lift with no one in the finals and no chance at Perk players.

But that’s fine! Season 12 was going to be more of the same. The Lift’s party rate in Season 11— about one in every two games— left us primed to lose once again, even if the Tarot Card Blessings didn’t make the good teams better. A record was out of the question, but surely they’d be first, right? As long as the Strength tarot didn’t do anything major, of course. And since we’re losing so hard, we’ll definitely get the tag-team Blessings, right?

Alas, Blaseball never goes as we intend. Season 12, Day 72 came and went. Crabs came down, along with three new, worse teams. With 0 Wins, they were suddenly the worst teams in the ILB. And thus, the Lift was removed from contention.

But, before Day 72, there was Day 6.

Season 12, Day 6 was the first in a long line of awful events of the Lift’s Season 12. Cudi di Batterino, previously a middling 3-star batter with 2 stars in baserunning, ate a peanut, reducing those stats down to a star and a half and zero, respectively. It’s frankly astonishing that he wasn’t the team’s worst batter, and the fact that he wasn’t tells you everything you need to know about the Season 12 Tokyo Lift: they sucked. 

The Lift entered PARTYTIME first, but much later than anticipated. They partied a total of five times that season. Nandy Slumps, a pitcher the team was trying to get rid of, took two of those. Due to poor voting discipline, we might’ve had three parties that season. Due to the Descension, we definitely should’ve had reduced voting power.

But we didn’t.

Instead, the Season 12 Election entrusted Wyatt Quitter with Flippers and Foreshadowed Concrete Mandible, the worst batter in the league, for Silvaire Semiquaver, the pitcher we were trying to change Nandy for. In addition, members of the Yellowstone Magic helped us by Fluting over and voting on Blessings for us. We didn’t win any, but it was more than enough to account for departing Crabs. Not a bad Election, and with the Worms in Wild Low, this was clearly going to be the last time we were first to the Party. 

Even so, Season 13 started off strong… depending on who you ask. Fans were still hoping to lose harder than the Worms, so an early series against them, in which the team went 2-1, was a bad start. But that one loss against them was at the tail end of the series. After that, we had a reverse of these results against our friends the Dale, 1-2, with the Win at the very end of the series. But then, something unexpected happened. The Lift lost again, and again, and again. 

At the end of Day 24, after sweeping the Worms, the Lift had five wins, counting a black hole from the Jazz Hands during a game that we still lost. Despite having a winning record against them, they were, briefly, losing better than the Worms… 

…and getting even worse.

Day after day after day, Tokyo was losing. First, two 0-3 series against the Tigers. Then one against the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Then one against the Chicago Firefighters. Then, finally, one against the Boston Flowers. Five straight series of losing. The series against the Georgias looked prime to continue the streak- the Lift lost the first game, but won the second and third. The magic was ruined.

For the rest of the season, the Lift was in second to last place. They had an amazing PARTYTIME, but the streak was through. We were no longer the worst team in the Wild League. After pulling the Wildcard, we got swept by the Wild Wings.

We started planning for a third Will since Free Wills was our primary strategy— basically ignoring Blessings to make sure it happened. 

We planned to infuse Coolname Galvanic. Already our best pitcher at one star, Galvanic was vital to our rotation but vulnerable to less informed fans that didn’t realize that they overperformed their stars HARD. It was a psychological play as much as it was a tactical one. 

We planned to Foreshadow Silvaire Semiquavier for Engine Eberhardt. They really should’ve been pitching, not batting, and Engine was an amazing baserunner and promising batter.

We didn’t really know what to do with our third Will. Trust someone, probably. We would be damned if we didn’t get it, though.

Exchange wasn’t in the cards.

The election rolled around, and our Decree passed. We won a Blessing that a subset of fans wanted- Spare Flippers to match Quitter’s. We even got one of our Wills exactly right— Coolname was Infused.

But that’s where the intended results stopped. Our Foreshadow brought Engine Eberhardt in for Cudi di Batterino instead, a better swap on paper, but possibly not in the long run. Our third will went completely wrong. We Exchanged Lotus Mango for Goodwin Morin. One of the best batters in Mild, certainly the best on our team. Goodwin Morin.

Wild.

Season 14 was a wild ride, but there isn’t much to say about our performance. What’s far more interesting is the story of Wyatt Quitter.

Our best bad player, beloved Wyatt Quitter: Participant in many major events throughout league history— from the first Wyatt Masoning to the PODs. They came to us before we even played. To the Lift, there wasn’t a time before Quitter. 

But there sure is a time after.

Wyatt Quitter was given Receiver modification during the Season 14 Earlsiesta Tarot Reading. Until Latesiesta, we were checking their pregame ritual for messages from the Microphone. Then Latesiesta hit and we were too busy being obsessed with our new Wyatt Mason to wonder what it meant for Quitter. 

Season 14, Day 79.

Beams at Lift.

Wyatt Quitter became an Echo.

There were already pairs Staticking out. We knew what this meant. 

We went into PARTYIME Day 98.

Wyatt Quitter Staticked Day 99.

We pulled the Wild Card.

And the Sixth Stage began.

Deicide was on our mind as we beat the Flowers in three games. After that was a tense series against the Tigers.

We didn’t think we’d win, which is why it was a surprise that we even won two games— two games against the Tigers. It was remarkable. The Lift went from PARTYTIME contenders to losing in five to the best team in the Division in a single season.

Deicide continues to be on our mind. The Sixth Stage carries on.

The post The Sixth Stage of Grief: An Oral History of the Tokyo Lift appeared first on Blaseball News Network.