Yosh Carpenter’s story is one of what I can only describe as overwhelming resilience.

Yosh came out of the gate as one of the San Francisco Lovers’ best pitchers in the Discipline era. We are not, under any circumstances, known for our pitching, however Yosh always kept a notable success rate among their cohort.

Of 21 total seasons as a pitcher for both the Lovers and the Hawai’i Fridays, 16 of those seasons Carpenter earned a WHIP under 1.00, with stand out seasons (discounting an anomaly I will get to in a moment), being Seasons 6 and 7, the latter of which would see us in the playoffs finals.

Yosh’s consistent ERA throughout their time as a pitcher was 3.04, and they were a top 15 pitcher in Overhanded Career WhAT. The only other pitcher who has taken the mound of the Lovers in this group is, ironically enough, Gabriel Griffith.

Yosh sustained a significant career throughout era shifts, and spent their entire career both on the Lovers and Hawai’i Fridays, dedicated to the mound up until the absolute moment where they were needed in the lineup, to swap with legacy teammate Don Mitchell, in a play to prevent their vaulting.

If I’m being entirely honest here. I am not a stats guy. That’s not why I’m writing this article.

I want to tell a story.

If there is one thing you need to know about the San Francisco Lovers, it’s our seasoned history with Feedback, and sharing players with our friends in the Pacific.

While many of the Feedbacks we experienced were heart wrenching, I look no further than this season 13, day 79 Feedback for one of the best moments in Blaseball storytelling.

We can be realistic, this was a glitch. Yosh Carpenter took the mound against Gabriel Griffith, the inning began like any other.

Feedback struck.

Where we had come to painfully expect at this point to see Griffith standing in Yosh’s place, what we got instead was 17 more grueling innings of a Lovers staple pitcher refusing to leave the mound. Yosh completed all nine innings for both teams before the Veedback really hit, sending them to the Fridays where they would finish their career.

This would be the second of five Feedbacks we would have with the Fridays, and start a long line of what we’ve lovingly dubbed “the shipping of Theseus,” slowly but surely losing our original roster across the League.

I don’t tell this story out of sadness however, I truly do think that Yosh’s story is one of the most interesting things that has happened to us. It sets a precedent for the love of our roster, it would be the last time one of our most dominant original pitchers got to play with us but would lead to investing in standout Lovers pitchers like Sandford Garner, and newcomer Mindy Salad.

I think this glitch, a love letter to those moments in the game that just write themselves beautifully.

Whether it was Yosh’s performance, or this story that convinced you, I hope you consider Yosh Carpenter for your ballot.

Thanks.

The post Yosh Carpenter appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Atlantis Georgias

The Georgias Hubris Cycle reached cataclysmic heights this season as we went from a record-breaking 113 wins and a nice 69% win rate in the main season to being viciously swept out of the postseason in our first round. So what went wrong?

The Georgias were abuzz right from the start as we were projected to be the strongest team this season, due to a very solid pitching rotation and a great defence to back it up. However our offence was comparatively mediocre, despite a few star players in the form of fan-favourite 80s horror protagonist Penelope Video, deep-sea rave DJ Hyena Dropper, and Gianna Schenn who became our best hitter thanks to an incredible Yummy reaction only to be stranded at the end of our Lineup by a Reverb.

By the end of the main season we had given up fewer runs than any other team, but were only tenth in total runs scored. This reliance on defence gave us a lot of close games, and while the length of the main season ensured it averaged out in our favour, for the postseason it left us easily at risk of being eliminated by a few bad games.

And what a few bad games they were. With the rise in overall league offence from the midseason Elections, combined with the Georgias failing to secure any Squid Gifts or Blood Jams and choking in both of our Prize Matches, it was probably inevitable that our initial advantage would wear off. Things went even more disastrously in the second game against the Shoe Thieves when a massive blizzard froze the weaker half of the Shoe Thieves’ Lineup, leaving us facing an absolutely deadly array of batters, including former Georgia Babka McCoy, who was Feedbacked for Lorcan Griffey earlier in the season.

-Jangalian (Jangalian#7646 on Discord)

Charleston Shoe Thieves

This Circuit we’re highlighting (but not Charging) Zora Kramer, a garbage pitcher whose fighting spirit inspired us all.

Our playoff series versus the Wild Wings showed the depth of Zora’s grit. They pitched first, eager to give us a win, and immediately gave up a 2-run homer. We lost that game 19–6, and Zora squatted on the mound, disappointed. They tried, but the rest of the Rotation would have to carry us.

But in the third game, a winter storm Froze two subsequent pitchers, and Zora was called back from the bullpen! A second chance. Zora took a breath, concentrated. A hardened gaze through the snowstorm.

The Wings scored 7 runs that inning. Final score: 25–3. Zora was in anguish. Had they not tried hard enough? They looked inward as we looked to the next game and to Hartley Pebble, who had already given us a win this series.

But wait— who’s that walking to the mound? It’s Zora! They begged for one last chance to give their team a win, and who could say no to that hunger, that drive? So, in defiance of all reason, bottom-of-the-league Zora Kramer took the mound for the third time in a five-game series.

Each pitch was a herculean effort. Visibly straining, Zora held the Wings to one run for an unthinkable six innings. We watched in disbelief as they tore themselves apart to keep us in this series. By the seventh inning, they were spent, but never stopped fighting. The Wings won, but only by two runs.

Zora’s heart was broken, but ours were full of pride. They left it all on the mound, and what more could you ask of a player? We didn’t charge Zora Kramer, but don’t let that fool you. Zora will be with us forever, in heart and sole.

-Jeremy T (APieceOfWorkAmI#8349)

Chicago Firefighters 

Well, if nothing else, the Chicago Firefighters had another interesting Circuit. 

Let’s start from the beginning: when the teams were first revealed, we appeared to have a pretty standard Firefighters team. Average at best with some half decent batters, bad pitching, okay defense, and far more peanut allergies than not. It seemed as though we would be headed for the Fiesta, if we were lucky.

That did not happen.

Less than 40 games into the season, the Firefighters experienced a Night Shift for the thirdCircuit in a row, bringing out Owen Turbo, who would end up being the best pitcher in the League (and despite Feedbacking to the Spies, would only lose two games the entire season), inevitably helping the team narrowly miss the Fiesta. 

That’s not where the weather stopped, though. The team had three Feedbacks over the course of the season: a shockingly mutually beneficial early one with the Crabs, the aforementioned Turbo feedback for Cher Kumar of the Spies (which took a day to go through because of “features”), and a late season batter swap with the Garages. With the Firefighters only having two non-Allergic players, it was no surprise when fan favourite Tube Nebula got decimated by a Peanut (and was equally not shocking when they became our Guest of Honor). Most notably, however, was Craig Faucet getting incinerated and proceeding to play another 10 games afterwards, who despite our best efforts— was not even charged for their troubles.

The thing is, none of these things stopped the Firefighters. Despite winning no Blessings or items, being bombarded with weather, and using their only boosts to salvage a hurt player, they managed to claw their way to third seed, claiming fifth in the league despite all odds. And more than anything, I think that’s the story of the Firefighters this Circuit and beyond; the ability to make something out of nothing.

–Stara

Hellmouth Sunbeams

The Hellmouth Sunbeam entered this Short Circuit right where they wanted to be– bound for the .500 line. Sure, in a season with parties for the worst teams and Playoffs for the best, that had downsides, but the Beams knew what they were about… and then they tanked their way into the midseason fiesta badly enough to get into round one and they were ready to Party their way to the top! And then… they didn’t. One game in EPT, a bit of timeline shenanigans, and the fiesta ended with the Beams better than before but not playoffs material. But not for long!

Because then the Beams claimed (one of) the Title Belt(s) and Royce Spider decided to sit on it, the universe decided that that was Royce’s. And then… the belt got taken. But not for long! Because then the Beams got the only Wild Card slot! They were in the Playoffs! They were going for the championship! And then… they got kicked out round one. And all this happened in a bog-theatre-gothic horror-small town with a chandelier containing the last shards of a dead sun. And their final record was 82-80.

There were icons, like Sun Paladin Amanda Rowdy, or incineration replacement Calvin Revenant, or Samuel ‘Slamuel’ Finnegan, but there was one real hero. Julian Greene had plenty going for them. An early standout on the starting roster, Julian entered the world with 3.9 batting stars. They’d have a top 10 OPS+ (ignoring all the undead invaders from another universe) and a taste for snacking on snow which would bring them to nearly 5 batting stars over the course of the season (before dragging them back to a measly 4.5). But who cares about that? Pregame Ritual Charging? Let’s gooooooooooooo!

-Nix

San Francisco Lovers

It was a beat-down for the Lovers this circuit, trying their best to sell their angle to no avail. The team narrowly slid their way into the midseason Fiesta, missing out on all the action before it could even begin. According to insider sources, a feud between the Lovers and the Mexico City Wild Wings started to get hot after headliner Fontaine Teacup Feedbacked with Liv Chan, but the show was not over for this B-Team yet.

The Lovers held to their wills, and held up their pants holding onto one of the… two title belts until right before the Postseason. When Parker declared reunification, it was a headliner match against Miami. It was a clean finish with the Lovers on the mat. Miami went on into the post season, leaving the Lovers to nurse their aches & bruises.

Eliot Heartfield was sent up into the Mic with the hope that they wouldn’t be destined to become just another Jannetty, but the fate of our Charged players is a story line for another era. All in all, these Lovers couldn’t keep the gold, but that didn’t mean this season wasn’t a popcorn match. With the circuits over and the next era in limbo, maybe this team can get on after all.

-Avery M. (Ackasi#9049 on Discord)

Mexico City Wild Wings

The Mexico City Wild Wings were good this Short Circuit. This was very confusing for a lot of long term Wings fans, because the Wings have never been good. Even when they won their Championship, they came from fourth in the conference. Even when Burke Gonzales was one of the best pitchers in the League they were barely a 0.500 team. So 99 wins and a trip to the Championship, even if it was to lose to The Breath Mints. (a fine, deserving winner) was the sort of inexplicable thing that tested the very boundaries of the game’s capabilities to handle, and was thus appropriate for a Short Circuit.

The “why” of the Wings being good is actually very easy to explain. They hit the ball a lot (1468, first in the League), hit it the furthest (SLG 0.501, first) and thus scored the most runs (975, first). Such was the ferocious offensive output that meant it almost didn’t matter that Tobias Diallo and Mitch Pink forgot where the strike zone was for innings at a time (third and fourth in walks league wide, respectively).

The continual high performance of Soledad Drama, Nova Bye, Alonso Clement, and Lillian McKinley (a 98% consensus pick to charge the microphone) led to the most improbable Wings team to ever exist, a rollicking riotous ball of fun that wasn’t constrained by the Wings of seasons past, and featured such fantastic names as Genesis Toad and Slow McDonald.

Will the Wings be this good again? Probably not. But it won’t matter. The one time we were good was fun, and underdog stories are also fun, and maybe one day we’ll get to see Lillian hit a ball a long way again. Which will be fun.

-BNN Wild Wings correspondent Spludge

Philly Pies

The Pies have traditionally been very good at Elections, so the Front Office started this Short Circuit by enacting a Faustian Pact to have more Elections than we knew what to do with. However, the Front Office failed to read this diabolical document closely enough, missing the footnote where it said anything the Pies elect either wouldn’t matter or wouldn’t actually ever be received by the team.

The mood in the Pies locker room was high despite all this; the team partied hard in the Mid-Season Fiesta, culminating in Nadia Outlaw proclaiming, “I’m never leaving Philly!” and chaining themselves to the radiator. This served to deny the Microphone’s later Feedback attempt, leaving the Wild Wings’ Slow McDonald standing outside the clubhouse.

Kristi Finnegan and Wolf Buss carried the team’s rotation post-parties, and things seemed to be up for the Pies in the second half of the season, until Seyyid Goodhart ate a Peanut and went from one of the worst pitchers in the ILB to the absolute worst in franchise history across all dimensions, proving that you don’t need to be Superallegic to ruin your pitching career.

Although Kid Darling had been sent to party early in hopes the additional training would prime them for Charging the Microphone at season’s end, by the time it was clear the Pies’ playoff hopes were dashed, it became equally clear that Kid’s performance was a disappointment, failing to meet any expectations whatsoever. Seeing this underwhelming lateseason play, the Pies elected to send grizzled power hitter, Ariana Beard in their place.

The Pies have been thoroughly undercooked in the last few circuits; they can only hope the long siesta will give them enough time in the oven to emerge crisp, hot, fresh, and ready by the time Blaseball returns.

-Ads (wilcxck#8979 on Discord)

Seattle Garages

At the start of this Circuit, the Garages were bad. The team was cursed with the highest Patheticism in the League by a mile, such that even making contact with the ball was a miracle. No player exemplified this like Dimi Wobbler, who generated as the worst of the worst, a dismal 0.6 stars. Seeing the writing on the wall, the Garages sighed, laughed (because you have to laugh) and awaited the Party Time they knew was coming.

Then, on Day 3, Dimi Wobbler hit a solo home run to shame the Breath Mints, who would go on to win the Championship. It was their first hit.

Dimi “Warbler” Wobbler, a tiny bird with incredible vibes and very little skill, was on a quest to prove that a positive attitude can overcome any statistical shortcomings. On Day 42, the Garages experienced a full-team Reverb. Instead of the worst batting in the League, they now had the worst pitching. Dimi moved four spots higher in the Lineup. They continued to be bad at Blaseball.

As the Garages’ Guest of Honor, Dimi partied three times and got better. Then Dimi partied again during a game. Suddenly, the silly little bird with excellent vibes had three batting stars. Dimi’s name started to pop up in scoring events more… and more… and more. Despite spending the first half of the season struggling to get on base, they ended with the second-most hits and stolen bases.

All season, the other Garages suffered under the Weather. Reverb decimated the rotation. Their best batter got incinerated; two more Feedbacked away. An already-terrible pitcher had an allergic reaction right after their final game. Dimi just hit the ball some more.

That’s the power of a positive attitude.

– crab

Tokyo Lift

The pitchers were idols, the hitters were yuru-chara mascots and the fans were feeling an unfamiliar tingle of… hope?

Tokyo rolled a strong team. Almost from the start the Lift were chasing a Playoff spot. They couldn’t keep pace with the Ballad-leading Wild Wings, that was clear early on, but the batting of Pop Tomorrah and some creditable pitching meant a winning record at Midseason and third place in Downtempo. Precisely none of this was thanks to Herb Swamp.

Idol performer Art Dembélé was a strikeout machine with Ruthlessness the way a sea has wet. Baffled cruise-ship tourist Seth Bitters was a sexagenarian workhorse with decent ERA but never the wins to show for it. Even Omar “Give Us” Nothing had fans. Herb Swamp, meanwhile, was a firebombed storefront of a player with one-third of a pitching star, Forbidden Knowledge that was painful to read, and not even a tragic backstory to lean on.

But the Tokyo Lift are all about gains. Rather than build an already solid performer into a titan the fans hailed Swamp as their Guest of Honour. Three parties revealed a promising hitter, if still a pitcher for whom mediocrity was but a distant dream.

A Yummy reaction late in the season changed that. Post-Peanut Herb was a monster in every department, bar their day job, and perfectly serviceable there. It wasn’t enough to save the campaign, the Lift having lost all momentum after back-to-back sweeps by the Shoe Thieves and Wings, but joyful fans now coalesced around Swamp as the little kappa that could. And, in some universe, she still might.

Wait, is that hope again?

-elmonstro (elmonstro#6813)

And a final note – BNN relies on reports from readers like you to fill out articles! If you’d like to contribute something in the future, head on over to our discord!

The post The Last Dance: Short Circuit 3 Downtempo Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Going into Season 14, the San Francisco Lovers seemed as if they were finally rising in the rankings, patching up holes in their lineup and rotation alike. Ace batter Knight Triumphant returned from the Spies with teammate Fitzgerald Blackburn in tow.

The Lovers also Foreshadowed their main pitching weakness, Percival Wheeler, for King Roland in hopes of potentially giving Percy a bat in the near future. One could call this about as good of an Election the team could hope for. Despite this, with a still-flawed offense, the Lovers were not expected to do exceptionally well, being ranked 15th by BNN.

What neither BNN nor San Francisco knew, though, was that the Lovers would be in for a very, very turbulent season.

Love Wins?

In the first days of Season 14, the Lovers made themselves known to the league, boasting a record equal to that of the eventual ILB Series runner-up Tacos. The Lovers seemed like the league’s new defensive powerhouse, giving up less runs than any other team over the course of the season.

On Day 12, wimdy’d Will transfer and new pitcher Fitzgerald Blackburn returned from Elsewhere, where they had been since late Season 13. Blackburn would eventually spend the remainder of the season in recovery from being Scattered, not losing the modification until 85 days later. On Day 15, two-star batter Theo King was swept Elsewhere and only five days after that, similarly unskilled Kichiro Guerra joined them. This series of events further optimized the Lovers’ batting and pitching alike, raising their performance to the point that they would, at times, surpass even the Tacos and hold the best record in the league. It seemed that the Lovers were on an easy path to a Postseason Birth and potentially, an Internet Series championship.

The path ahead of them, though, was rough, as the Lovers held the most difficult schedule in the league. They were forced to play nine back-to-back games against the eventual champions, the Canada Moist Talkers, and another nine-game series against their main Mild High competition, the Philly Pies. Despite this misfortune, the Lovers stayed aloft, proving that they could square off against the best.

-ides and -urbulence

This success would be cut short around 30 games later, after King and Guerra returned to play in a similar succession to how they had left. Shortly after these members of the weaker section of the Lovers lineup found their way back, the team proceeded to lose ten games straight— almost all of which they were favored to win. This dropped their record below several teams and threatened their chances of playoff contention.

Luckily, the Lovers adapted and stabilized, bringing themselves into a stalemate with the Pies as the two teams competed to avoid being seeded fourth in the playoffs. Going into the final series of the regular season, the Lovers faced the Mechanics with their chances of avoiding a Wild Card seeming likelier than ever. Despite their struggles throughout the season, the Lovers felt they had managed to power through to the playoffs.

Only two games before the end of the season, their ace batter and lead-off Knight Triumphant was swept Elsewhere. Having played Season 13 without Knight, the Lovers knew exactly what this meant: They had been rendered powerless. They would give up their last two games of the regular season to the Mechanics, and be forced to play against a Wild Card team.

The Deck was shuffled, and the Lovers were slotted to play the Baltimore Crabs, who, similarly to the Lovers, had next to no offensive prowess. This, combined with their Flinch curse, led them to underperform vastly, seeing their first regular season PARTYTIME in the team’s history. The Lovers were favored to beat the fallen champions and advance but without their star batter, the Lovers were unsure of their chances.

These suspicions would regrettably come to be a reality, as they were swept by the Crabs in a series in which the Lovers scored a total of one run across both games. Their season was over.

Breakup Arc

This was not the end of their misfortunes, though, as their turbulent season would end with tragedy. Despite the successes with their own Wills, the Lovers lost much of what brought their relative success that season. The Spies reclaimed Fitzgerald Blackburn, sending back overperforming yet lacking pitcher Karato Bean, and the Hades Tigers stole Gabriel Griffith, giving back a one-star NaN. Meanwhile, the Atlantis Georgias wimdy’d Knight Triumphant, and further wimdy’d the five-and-a-half-star hitter into the team’s Shadows.

Though the Lovers exceeded the expectations of many, it was not without many struggles and failures along the way. Though the team did not go all the way (and after their Election results, may not for the foreseeable future), their Season 14 performance shows us that the Lovers are not lost causes and that love wins, provided that it does not get ravaged by other teams’ Wills.

The post The Rise, Fall, Rise Again, and Fall Again of the Season 14 Lovers (Recap) appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Blaseball is, by its very definition, a splort whose relationship to the concept of strict rules is untenable at best. Decrees, Blessings, and Wills change the fates of the players at the whims of the fans. Rosters and even lives are thrown topsy-turvy by the weather, and we’re constantly trying to decipher the hidden malevolent meanings behind the words of a floating coin.

However, there are a number of rules that are typically presumed to be immutable. Many of the general rules that govern the splort are assumed to be intact and unchangeable. When it comes to those rules, it takes a special team to stare them in the face and defy them outright. And when they do take this stand and rally against the basic tenets of Blaseball, it’s rarely on purpose.

The San Francisco Lovers might occasionally fly under the radar of a portion of the splort’s fans. They’ve yet to win a single Internet Series Championship, despite being no strangers to the postseason. They’re not the biggest team, nor do they demand the most attention with their election strategies. One aspect in which they do excel is the ability to mess with our expectations, and perhaps with the sanity of some who may be keeping track of stats as well.

The Lovers’ strenuous relationship with the basic rules of the game really began in Season 5. During a Day 45 game against the Hawai’i Fridays– keep them in mind, as we’re far from done with the tropical team– the Lovers were hit by the effects of Reverb. Fans were used to the new weather, having seen it in action a few times earlier in the season. Typically, Reverb would involve a team’s lineup or rotation being shuffled around, sometimes swapping players from one into the other as well. Reverb, however, had other plans for the Lovers.

“Don Mitchell is now Reverberating wildly!”

The fans were flabbergasted and worried for their beloved crime don. Was he in danger? Would the Lovers have to fear the loss of one of their top stars? It only took three days to find out. On Day 48, Mitchell hit a ground out to end the third inning. When the bottom of the fourth began, Mitchell was up to bat once more. Was it a mistake? Not in the slightest. Mitchell’s new reverberation gave him the ability to find himself up to bat again after finishing a plate appearance.

This new ability extended past instances where his at-bat resulted in being called out. Even when Mitchell made it on base, he could follow that successful appearance up with ANOTHER at-bat. The pressure of needing to get a good hit to help a previous instance of himself make it home is a regular occurrence for Mitchell. We’re yet to see an all-Don Mitchell grand slam, and with Mitchell’s propensity for stealing bases we may never see one, but it will be a momentous occasion if it does happen. Mitchell spent an entire seven seasons as the only player ever to Reverberate, although the Repeating caused by debted pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers’ beans in season 9 was similar. It wasn’t until day 26 of Season 12 when Baby Triumphant began to Reverberate as well that anyone was able to match Mitchell’s situation.

Mitchell’s new ability would cause a lot of stir, but it was much later, all the way in Season 13, when it would lead to one of the most surprising possible results. Season 12 introduced Flooding to the ILB: a weather in which waves of Immateria could wash over the field. The waves would typically wash players off the bases but also had the ability to take a batter out of play completely, sending them Elsewhere for a variable amount of time. Some returned within the same game. Some took weeks to come back. Only one managed to pull off an incredible feat.

In a day 9 game against the Core Mechanics, Mitchell was up to bat in the top of the seventh inning. His first attempt resulted in a flyout. His second drew a walk. As he stepped up to the plate for his third consecutive appearance, a surge of Immateria washed onto the field, and Don Mitchell was swept Elsewhere. The problem, however? Mitchell was also still up to bat.

This third instance of Mitchell drew a walk as well, taking his double’s place on first base. Mitchell had managed to get on base after being swept away, a feat that would be impossible for any non-Reverberating player. Even then, he attempted to Reverberate back AGAIN, but this would be denied by the fact that he, for all intents and purposes, was Elsewhere. Not satisfied with his improbable feats, Mitchell proceeded to steal second base. Then he stole third. And then- he stole home.

Don Mitchell, having been swept Elsewhere, still managed to score a run for his team, putting him in a special category with Workman Gloom as the only players ever to score after an in-game event that should have taken them out of play.

Another occurrence of the Lovers looking at the rules of Blaseball and saying “no” was in Season 8. By this point in the trials and tribulations of the Internet Blaseball League, fans had grown accustomed to the idea of Enhanced Shame. Seeing a team begin a game with a negative score due to being shamed in the previous game was no unique experience for the fans, so seeing a Day 16 game between the Lovers and the Chicago Firefighters begin with the team from Chicago looking at a one-run deficit didn’t exactly turn heads. Heading into the game, the Lovers had been looking at a fairly middling early season, but their narrow victory over the Firefighters in the previous game set them up for what they were hoping would be another victory. The Lovers received their victory, but not quite in the way they were expecting.

The pitching duel between Sandford Garner and Caleb Alvarado was fierce; so fierce that neither team managed to earn a single run by the end of the ninth inning. In a typical case, this kind of result would lead to extra innings. However, given that the Firefighters had begun the game with a score of -1, the game of defenses found itself in the history books as the first game to end with a double shutout. Not a run was to be had throughout the entire game, and yet the Lovers walked away victorious.

Season 13 saw another huge game-breaking play by the Lovers, with a special assist from our friends from earlier, the Hawai’i Fridays. The Lovers, unsurprisingly, are a very close-knit team. Having been through many trials and tribulations together, the Lovers have seldom been the target of roster-toppling events. Lucky enough to only lose a couple of players to incinerations and feedbacks, they worked as a strong unit. On day 79, that changed, hitting them with their first major change to their original roster since Kennedy Meh was feedbacked with NaN at the end of Season 9. It all happened so quickly. The Lovers were at two outs at the bottom of the first inning, and star pitcher Gabriel Griffith was prepping his next pitch to Liquid Friend.

“Reality flickers. Things look different…Gabriel Griffith and Yosh Carpenter switch teams in the Feedback! Yosh Carpenter is now pitching.”

The ripples of this event were felt instantly. Carpenter, a pitcher with the Lovers since Season 1, was now a Friday. Lovers players and fans cried out in unison, but there was nothing that could be done. Blaseball does what Blaseball does, and Carpenter now had a new home. He would pitch for the Lovers no longer.

Or so we thought.

In every instance of a pitcher being targeted by Feedback thus far, that pitcher swapped with a pitcher on the other team who was not playing in the current game. This time, however? Yosh Carpenter and Gabriel Griffith were the active pitchers for the Lovers and Fridays. A strange situation for sure, but the result seemed obvious. Carpenter would finish the game for the Fridays, and Griffith would finish for the Lovers.

So it was quite the surprise when the bottom of the first inning began and Carpenter remained on the mound.

Perhaps Griffith had seen the look of sorrow in Carpenter’s eyes and allowed him the floor. It was very possible that he was simply refusing to relinquish the mound, knowing that this was his last chance to pitch for the Lovers and not wanting it to end. Whatever the situation was, the top of the first inning would be the only inning that Griffith would play in this game. When all was said and done, Carpenter had thrown an astonishing 169 pitches, with the Fridays winning 5-2. The winning pitcher: Yosh Carpenter. The losing pitcher: Yosh Carpenter. Carpenter left the Lovers on that day, but it’s fair to say that he knew how to make an exit.

But it was in Season 9 when the Lovers really bent the rules to their whim, in what might be the most famous instance of their inability to abide by the laws of the splort. The opening day game between the Lovers and the Breckenridge Jazz Hands started off innocently enough as the birds circled overhead, seeing some impressive plays from both teams to sate the fans’ need for the excitement that could only come from Day 1 Blaseball. The end of the ninth inning saw the teams tied at 5-5, leading into a series of extra innings. It wouldn’t be until the twelfth inning that either team increased the game’s score, and it happened in spectacular fashion.

Season 9 saw a change in the way that bird weather worked. Bird weather had initially done nothing but make the players uneasy as the avians stared them down. Once shellings came into play, the birds could also free a shelled player from their legume prisons. In Season 9, the birds got more aggressive. In a Day 1 game between the Fridays and the Seattle Garages, a flock of crows had attacked batter Summers Pony in the top of the ninth inning, resulting in an out as the equine ran to safety.

Coming back to the Lovers/Jazz Hands game, the same thing would happen to Alexander Horne in the top of the twelfth inning, resulting in a third out for the team. However, instead of moving to the bottom of the inning, play…simply continued. Were the umps confused? Had the birds taken control of the game? To this day, no one is quite sure exactly why the top of the twelfth inning refused to end.

Ortiz Lopez would hit a grounder for the fourth out of the inning. Helga Moreno struck out looking for the fifth. The outs kept coming, accompanied by a series of successful runs as well. In all, the Lovers earned an additional seven runs and played to a whopping 16 outs before a thwarted attempt at stealing second base by Moreno finally brought the half-inning to a close. The Jazz Hands attempted to fight back, scoring one more run to bring their score to 6, but it was for naught.

The 12-6 game came to be known by many names amongst the splort’s fans, but the prevailing name for it was “Crowvertime.” No one could explain just what led the umpires to allow the half-inning to stretch on beyond any reasonable limit, but whatever it was, the game will live on forever in the history books. Not a single bird-related occurrence happened throughout the rest of the Season, possibly out of fear of having to live up to this event.

The San Francisco Lovers, regardless of how their win/loss record ends up looking, certainly know how to make Blaseball even more interesting than it already was. This author is sure they’re not alone in wondering just what other tricks the team has up their armored sleeves.

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The San Francisco Lovers had a rocky start to their season 13 – unlucky for some, they lost their captain and founder Knight Triumphant to the Houston Spies due to a curious case of wimdy, receiving strikeout star Morrow Wilson in return.

Discussions with the Spies were had. It was agreed that the exchange would last only one season, with the Lovers already pledging their coins and votes to the endeavour, thanks to the newly introduced in season 12 Wills system, but for season 13 it seemed Morrow Wilson was destined to take to the field in the pink. The 6% chance batter, was in.

Fans were devastated at first – Knight has been a cornerstone of the team since the beginning, and is a figure to which we all look up to. However, as Knight would want, we looked ahead. The addition of Liquid Friend was a true blessing, and the success of #GiveMiloABat gave fans hope.

As floodwaters rose amongst the ILB, the Lovers tasted what seemed to be their first immaterial disaster of the season. Don Mitchel – ace of the team, recently enhanced with pickle power thanks to the newly appointed food and beverage coordinator, followed suit with other flooded players and was swept elsewhere. However a true Don, always has a plan. Day 9 of the season saw Don reverberate back onto the plate after being swept to elsewhere, proceed to draw a walk onto first base and steal his way home, becoming the first player in ILB history to score while elsewhere. The Immaterial Crime Spree, or “The Elsewhere Job” as it has become known to Lovers fans was a welcome reprieve from worries about their captain, and continued to establish the team’s ongoing rivalry with SIBR (or perhaps even baseball itself). Don returned two days later, bases in tow.

Earlseason was rough for the team. While their rotation and defence remained ever solid, the loss of Knight Triumphant left a wide gap in their lineup. A gap opposing teams were all too happy to run straight through to victory. Luckily, something exciting was to happen. During the Earlsiesta reading the Judgement card, corresponding to the Lovers was pulled in the right position, blessing the team with Blase-dealing and ‘optimising’ the team positions. Players were now sorted in reverse star order permanently, but for this season would work through their lineup in reverse.

Don Mitchell leading off the lineup followed up by Lovers other stronger hitters really lit a fire under the team (metaphorically, of course). The team began racking up wins against the odds – sweepings teams like the Moist Talkers while they were at the top of their game. Fans cursed their stale, unused popcorn and thanked the monitor for wetzels for saving their bank balances.

The new midseason also bought us the breaking of ground, teams across the ILB began work on their home stadiums and the Lovers were no exception. Electing to build from a ‘Douglas’ brand prefabricated park, the San Franstadium (Locally known as the PolyHedron) was built. The team have since reported feeling safe and sheltered, with a hint of parapets.

Mitchell wasn’t the only San Franciscan victim of flooding this season. Team smokeshow and resident gorgon Ortiz Lopez made two trips elsewhere – returning scattered the second time but making a quick recovery. Rumours that Ortiz visited elsewhere for some alone time with new Worms batter Pitching Machine are currently unconfirmed, but let’s be real, are probably true.

Tragedy struck the Lovers once more upon Day 79. During an away game against the Hawaii Fridays, feedback was detected. Players were evacuated to the dugout bunkers, however star (and currently playing) pitchers Yosh Carpenter of the Lovers and Gabriel Griffith of the Fridays were caught and swapped during the wave. Never one to leave a task undone, nor one to leave friends and loved ones sad, Yosh gave Gabriel the game off – pitching for both teams in an amazing display. The Fridays went on to beat the Lovers 5 runs to 2 with Yosh on the mound, and Yosh became the first player in baseball history to both lose and un-lose the same game of baseball. Blagonball when, Parker?

The trade has since been confirmed, however reports indicate there are no hard feelings between the teams. We at the Lovers are certain that Yosh will find the chillest and nicest vibes over in Hawaii, and warmly welcome our new pitcher Gabriel.

Unfortunately for the Lovers, the loss of two key members during crucial points of the season was enough to prevent them reaching the playoffs. Finishing with a record of 46 un-losses to 53 losses, with a total of 46 wins, the team finished solidly middle of the pack in the Mild High Division. Don Mitchell received the Lovers internal MVP award after topping the blase-stealing charts for a third season running. Hold onto your blases folks!

To wrap up season 13, the election was held. The team overwhelmingly voted to return Knight Trumphant to their helm and were successful in that endeavour – sending Morrow Wilson home to the spies. They will be missed, almost as much as the blall was. The Lovers also voted to return Percival Wheeler, a founding pitcher for the team, to the shadows, giving them a rest for a season with the hopes of retraining them to become part of the lineup in the future. King Roland was returned in her place – though we’ve been unable to reach them for comment at this time.

Finally the weather report. It was wimdy. The Houston Spies once again fell victim to these high  speeds, trading fan favourite Fitz Blackburn for Yeong-Ho Garcia, former Yellowstone Magic & current Lovers pitcher. We’ve been unable to ascertain if this is related to Fitz’ current whereabouts and are eagerly looking forward to their safe return. Also to see what happens when they’re picked to pitch. Sorry SIBR.

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