Boston Flowers

Having finally rolled a very good team the Boston Flowers were spoiled for choice for our Charge. Our best pitcher, Rosemary Penguin took an early lead due to holding the incredible feat of being undefeated all the way to the Midsea-

FEEDBACK DETECTED

PEYTON DRYSDALE AND SQUID BROOM WERE SWITCHED IN THE FEEDBACK.

A new challenger arrived from the Yellowstone Magic. Squid Broom was a beloved player by fans since their hatching due to their name. Squid Broom’s personality is as straightforward as you can get. Please imagine a squid. Please imagine a broom. There you go, that’s Squid Broom.

FEEDBACK DETECTED

SQUID BROOM AND LUCIUS PRINCE WERE SWITCHED IN THE FEEDBACK.

Oh. They got Feedbacked again and are on the Fridays now… except that’s not true. Owing to a “Feature,” certain weather-induced player moves un-happened. Squid Broom was still on the Boston Flowers roster and available for Charging even though their player page listed them on the Hawai’i Fridays. 

The Flowers chose to lean into the opportunity to commit a data crime and charged Squid Broom, or more accurately the Fridays charged Squid Broom in addition to their chosen charge Moth Frosting. 

The Flowers now only have two static players, and the Fridays have four and no one has any idea what that’ll mean for the future. Data Crimes!

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

For the third Circuit in a row, the Jazz Hands had terrible pitching and not-good-enough batting. In the first week, we quickly fell to the bottom of the standings, barely above our long term rivals, the (contemptible) Moist Talkers. We spent the week excited for the Fiesta, and voted leadoff hitter Zee Phantom our party host.

In the Fiesta, we partied a lot Game 1, lost Game 2, and broke Blaseball in Game 3. Squid Psst cemented their status as a Jazz Hands legend by pitching two games simultaneously, getting Night Shifted in one, and Frozen in the other. We split Game 3 with the Pies to end our 3 game series tied 2-2, and somehow “advanced” the next round, only to see it cancelled due to noise complaints.

Like many teams, we choose to host a Sunday Mixer, which accidentally morphed into a Formal. The Divinity boost supercharged our Lineup of inconsistent Home Run hitters, propelling us to a slightly less terrible performance in Week 2. We somehow managed to win two Bloods in the midweek Blood Jam session, gaining Fire blood for “ace” pitcher Lily Cole, and Electric blood for Squid’s Night Shift replacement Troy Bowman. Unfortunately, we never got a shot at the Title Belt, and failed to qualify for the Postseason.

Zee Phantom had been an early Charge favourite, but Lily Cole rapidly overtook them in Week 2. Lily gained many fans by taking Game 1 of the Fiesta to extra innings so they could party before throwing the game winning strike out— a Shakespearean performance which reminded us of our beloved Lowe Forbes. Lily’s solid performance in week two and acquisition of Fire blood made them the clear choice to Charge, a decision I’m sure none of us will come to regret.

–deafhobbit

Core Mechanics 

After being presented our team roster for the Circuit, the Mechanics were in a partying mood— after all, being an average team in the strongest division in the League was just the thing to have to make it far in the Midseason Fiesta, or even win it for the promised prize! To top it off, we’d have a lot of chances for partying to make a good run at the second half of the season, so everything was looking great for a successful season. 

Other than missing a chance at getting another Bees Manhattan (the Mechs previously charged a player of the same name last Short Circuit), the first week of regular season play went about as expected, we declared our favourite bad pitcher Zebrina Vincent our Guest of Honour, even got a First Round Bye to start the Fiesta…

What do you mean, the Fiesta got cancelled after the first round? That was not the plan.

Silver lining: the Title Belt still was a fun feature for the Mechs, being holders of one of the two contested belts for way longer than we should’ve been, finally losing it to the San Francisco Lovers after an eventful and confusing 40-day reign. 

The rest of the season was marked by a flurry of Peanuts, with two Allergic and two Yummy reactions happening on our roster. Both yummy reactions happened on Pedro Vixen, an already strong pitcher who ended up almost Expansion Era shaped because of it. After much deliberation, Pedro Vixen was also selected as the team’s Charge target, as they always respected excellence in pitching. Just need to fix our lineup in the next Era, hopefully.

– Nitro (N1tr00#8811 on Discord)

Kansas City Breath Mints

Ball 1-0. Ball 2-0. Ball 3-0. Boat Hamless draws a walk.

In Kansas City, Boat Hamless’ plate appearances were so regular you could set your watch by them. The method by which they achieved this differed depending on who you asked— some argue that a boat has no identifiable strike zone, others that Hamless had some sort of psychic barrier that repelled strikes, and one opposing pitcher claimed “They just, like, stand there. Menacingly.” Whatever the cause, fans agreed that Boat’s incredible walk rate, OBP and league leading OPS (ignoring, as another reporter put it, undead invaders from another universe) merited a Charge into the Microphone, optimistic they’ll return to lead the League in walks again.

But Boat alone didn’t win the Breath Mints our second ring! Tube Rust was second in the League for Wins, Yuri O’Lantern had a phenomenal postseason BA of 0.407 and Liv Blather and Levar Downey used their Monitor-approved Blood to improve their performances. Most daringly of all, Layla Chambers pulled off the rarely seen but highly effective “catch fire in the postseason, get replaced with a better pitcher who pitches a save” manoeuvre. A brief timeline of events, with time given relative to the Material plane:

11:08pm UTC: Layla lets in three runs from the Worms

11:09pm UTC: Three fans comment “i don’t care if we win as long as layla dies”, “layla go in the fire ,” “has anyone actually been incined this season?”

11:10pm UTC: Rogue Umpire incinerated Layla Chambers! 

Kale Torch then led the team to victory, sporting no losses in their incredibly short career. Wherever they are, I hope they’re enjoying a nice retirement party with the Monitor. And I hope the Mints claim another ring in the Next Era!

• Finn

Miami Dale

Season Cinema was one of the better batters on the Dale, holding the team record for homers, sacrifice plays, and-

Wait, this article was supposed to be about our season? Not our Season?

Well, the Miami Dale had something that could certainly be called a season. The Lineup looked promising with bright stars in the form of Season Cinema, William Heat, Lamar Diomira, and Grace Ray. We also had some incredibly good names in the form of Snake Johns, Stone Pretzel, Season Cinema, and William Heat!

Our rotation? Not so much. Norris Manhattan was our only real superstar, but Emma Bark was ruthless despite her 0.4 stars. Which was bad, because we wanted to be good. Or was it good because we wanted to be bad?

Our goals were conflicting, which proved to be our downfall. We scraped past the Midseason Fiesta, couldn’t clutch it in time for the Playoffs, and choked when we got in through Title Belt power.

Now, a keen-eyed reader will notice that the player we Staticked, Adeline Revelry, is not a ‘star.’ They were more of an underwhelming pitcher who was Frozen more often than not.

But the one key trait that put them above all the other contenders (besides their impeccable name) was Blood Jams Vol. I. The wimd blew in our favor and we snatched Electric blood from the Garages in a repeat of history. And it couldn’t have gone to a more appropriately named player.

Despite all the Features, all the losses, and all the Title Belt shenanigans, this is certain to be a circuit the Dale will remember. At least, the ones who were watching will.

CLEAR FLESH CAN’T LOSE MAX VELOCITY DALE!

-Mango (guzmania#4173 on Discord)

New York Millennials

The Gamme 4 Millennials have been a fun bunch to watch; living completely normal lives until a Microphone emerged in the sky and forcing them to play Blaseball, each of them offered something interesting. Irene Fashion, Coyote Stone, Max Quigley, and Calvin Nether had a strong core in our Lineup. Violeta Cantu led the Mills in Triples, Cy Knives and Harold Castillo held their own, and even Cynthia Chalk and Markus Torch would impress with the occasional stolen base and home run.

The pitching staff was mostly solid, with Mordecai Damage sporting a respectable 2.41 ERA. Asher Juice, Dazzy Deng, and Loner Shelley pitched well, and Daniel Darko… was our Guest of Honor!

Loner Shelley would stand out the most for us, however. A deadpan cosmologist getting the first yummy reaction to a peanut since the Discipline Era, even the Shelled .1 deemed them its progeny. A combination of intense fan interest, solid stats all around, and highly sought after Relevancy (a rare feat among Mills), Loner Shelley was our Charge. While we didn’t perform poorly, we managed to stand out, play about average, and have some memorable moments. Whether it was defeating the Crabs in two simultaneous games, almost facing ourselves in the Fiesta, or Irene receiving a Jersey of Invitation to feature cameos of Deceased players from across universes, I’m proud of these players.

–Clip Clipperson

Yellowstone Magic

The final Short Circuit had us more divided than any other Circuit before it— but that wasn’t a bad thing.

 While it looked like we were going to have a singular star player in Squid Broom, them becoming a Flower meant that we had a better chance to see our team as a whole. While we did have players who performed consistently well, there was no longer a singular player on which all of our attention was focused. 

Peyton Drysdale and Isaac Puffins were both fearsome baserunners. Henri Kraal and Kay Pleck could hit the ball good. Slosh Chalk had a funny name and played well. Not only was our team statistically well-rounded but it felt like everyone was being equally appreciated by us adoring fans. Everyone had their favourite. And in the end, 56% of our adoration was poured into Errol Wool, our final Charge. 

Not only was Wool the only of Magic’s Charges to be in the Lineup rather than rotation, but there was also no one reason as to why they got our last burst of support. 

Though Errol was our Guest of Honor, their buffs from partying ended up being undone by the Ruthless onslaught of Snow, leaving them statistically worse than they started. Instead, we were charmed by the irresistible adoration of a player who was popularly perceived as a sheep. Punny cheers were too good to let go. The image of Charging that thick fluffy fleece with electricity evoked images that we couldn’t pass up. For some, it was simply that “Errol Wool” felt really good to say. Our varied reasoning behind charging Wool is a great reflection of how we experienced these last two weeks as a whole. 

This Circuit, it wasn’t all about the numbers. It was also about the love.

Mal (malgic#8522 on Discord)

And a final note – BNN relies on reports from readers like you to fill out articles! If you’d like to contribute something in the future, head on over to our discord!

The post The Last Dance: Short Circuit 3 Uptempo Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Welcome to what we hope will become a regular series of articles, reporting on the charged players in each circuit. We’re starting out with Frozen Sky since we had several BNN reporters who focus on these teams— with luck, we will be able to produce more articles like this in the future!

Boston Flowers

The hero…. the record setter… the legend… Lyra Vitamin! They were the Boston Flowers first Charge and the powerhouse leading the League in several categories while setting records in Boston.

Jose Gravy, the Boston Flowers Charge in Short Circuit 3, was not quite that. Short Circuit 3 had blessed the Boston Flowers with a team who excelled in one thing and one thing only, entering Party Time. Despite that, Gravy was certainly our best player.

By the time the Mid-Season Election rolled around Jose Gravy had taken the lead in several batting categories, and they didn’t slow down afterwards. 

Jose Gravy won the Snow Mittens, heavily improving their defence, and the Teams as a whole.  The Feet Warmers Amplification didn’t go to waste either, Gravy was spotted walking onto first, and then stealing their way back home.

Their opposition in discussions about who to Charge was Lila Icicle, who you may have heard of before for being incredibly bad. Icicle was the last batter in the Circuit to hit the ball, and was either the worst overall or next to it in pretty much every imaginable metric of batting skill.

Having terrible batters isn’t news to the Flowers, Icicle had the third worst OPS+ in Blaseball history*, behind two fellow Flowers Moses Mason and Salih Ultrabass.

Icicles’ habit of getting Frozen, however, was extremely funny in relation to their name.

Once more the Boston Flowers felt themselves torn between a loveable skilled player, and a loveable terrible player. The Team loved both players, but internal Team polling on the discord made it clear, Jose Gravy was set to go on a journey to the great static in the sky. 

In the end the Team successfully Discharged Gravy with a respectable 64% of their Charge votes.

With one good player and one legendary player now Charged, it’s looking like the Boston Flowers are hoping they will one day see these players return to play with the Boston Flowers again. Let’s Grow!

* – Over a 90+ Game period 

–Kidror

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

The Jazz have taken a very relaxed approach to the Short Circuits voting. We don’t know what charging does, so we have been “Free Jazzing” every Election. Though only one player can win, so two players became the front runners. 

Hester Scythe has something the prime universe Jazz team has needed forever, pitching stars. Had Hester been a pitcher they would have been the best pitcher in this universe (until Giannis got the Fist).

Prometheus Bug is a fan favorite. They have a top tier name, had fun upshelling campaign, great baserunning and fan loyalty, and are just a solid batter. 

Hester Scythe managed to eke out the charge vote win. Based on Jazz Hands tracked votes it was a close to 50/50 race. If charging does eventually involve the prime universe the Jazz hope that the team’s pitching will get a needed boost, but also hope that Hester never picks up a bat again.  

-Malst (Malst#9560 on Discord)

Canada Moist Talkers

This circuit, the Talkers voted to Charge Saturday Elder. After coming first in the league in the main season, the Talkers went on to win the championship, and Saturday’s performance is in no small part responsible for this victory! Their main season performance was good (0.283 BA, and 0.887 OPS), but with a postseason BA of 0.423 and OPS of 1.271, they were the star of the postseason.

SIBRmetrics aside, though, there is a wonderful story involving Saturday that led to their popularity among fans. On Day Seven, the Moist Talkers faced off against the Hawai’i Fridays. After nine Innings, the Talkers were down 5-2. The Fridays’ pitcher Byran Bono wasn’t particularly strong– Bono would go on to sport an ERA of 5.30 for the season– but they were having a good outing. Tilda Dasher and Nico Haycox went up to bat and hit a ground out and flyout respectively. Three runs down, and with two Outs in the final inning, even to devout fans the game seemed lost.

But then the incredible happened– Valkyrie Domski, second worst batter on the team by OPS, hit a double on the first pitch! Three walks from Bing Assiri, Jasper Coven and Carin Burns followed; the score was now 5-3 with Valkyrie safely at home again. Kinsley Reed hit a double to tie up the score, and now not only a victory but Shame was within reach!

Saturday Elder up to bat. Two balls, and then– a single! Saturday Shamed the Fridays! They went on to steal a base and get batted in by Sasha Baths, before Tilda Dasher hit a ground out to end the game. This inning had seen the Talkers come from behind to score five runs and Shame the Fridays, and every one of their batters saw play. What a performance!

Saturday became a fan favourite after this, with the fans proudly chanting “Saturdays are made for Dads!” to spur on this superb batter. As one fan put it, they were charged for their high spits and hits, and I hope we get to see similar stories and performances from Saturday in the future!

–Finn

Hades Tigers

After the amazing discharge of Rat Love (have you heard of Rat Love?), The Tigers cuddled up in a snowy cloud of frozen sloth and took a nap. Lovely dreams of rats dancing through empty heads. And thus the stage is set for a well deserved slumber party.

Initial review of the new roster told fans one thing: these Tigers suck. This alone was enough for a somber celebration. But more, we are now lighter than air as Hades freezes over. In typical Tiger nature, our new roster had a mighty thirst for base and an inability to throw a ball. Amusingly, that thirst was not matched with any capacity to actually steal. Meaning ridiculous plays as dizzy Tigers fell over each other trying to round the diamond.

So, with a yawn. One solitary fan picked pitcher Ethan Rivet. Alone making up 39% of the total vote. When asked for comment, this stripe stated: ”I liked the name and didn’t want to not spend my votes.”

So congratulations to Ethan Rivet. Among the Tiger’s pitchers, second best. In the context of this circuit— not objectively awful.

Many Stripes, One Sleepy Tiger.

-Khalvin8 (Khalvin8#1127 on Discord)

Kansas City Breath Mints

In the Mid-Season Election, the Breath Mints won the Snow Shovel. Saoirse Singh’s Snow Shovel (try saying that three times fast) was a core component of the Breath Mints’ offense, with a much-improved BA and OPS post-election (and starting from a solid base). Their offensive SIBRmetrics with the shovel, as calculated by one fan, were .312 BA / .387 OBP / .688 SLG / 1.075 OPS (179 OPS+). The OPS+ metric evaluates batting performance against the league average, and roughly translates to Singh producing 79% more runs than the average player– a wonderful performance!

They were, however, not the only batter considered for a Charge. When Breath Mints fans convened for our Parliamint, we were unable to choose between Saoirse Singh and Maisy Geiger. Geiger’s performance over the same period was comparable, and in fact sported an OPS+ of 216! Some fans, hopeful that a Charged player could return to us in some form, argued that if Maisy could perform like this without their own Snow Shovel, they could be even better further down the line! Others argued that Maisy’s performance might be in part due to their ability to draw walks, and hence their performance might struggle against more Ruthless pitchers, such as those seen in the late Expansion Era.

Ultimately, fans loved both players, with chants for including “Hot Singhles!,” “SINGHER TIME!,” “Geiger makes it count!,” “RADIOACTIVE!,” and “We can count on Maisy!” Choosing between these two players proved impossible, with tied votes after two rounds. We resolved therefore to leave the choice up to the wimds of fate, all agreed that no matter who won, we’d have charged a great batter that we were proud of. And this is exactly what happened– here’s hoping Singh returns to lead a Breath Mints offense in the future!

–Finn

New York Millennials

Clip Clipperson, reporting Live from Upstate New York, in the area where the Gamma 3 Millennials had been playing for the last two weeks over the recent Season. 

Rumors suggested that Eli Nocturne, Team Captain, local Coffee Barge owner, and recipient of the Fourth Strike Distortion in the Midseason Election, had kidnapped the rest of the Team to play Blaseball for mysterious ends. I attempted to get an interview with Nocturne, however there was a Scream Crumpet wailing in the snack case. What I could piece together from Eli included, “Welcome to the Coffee Barge, can I interest you in an Xpresso?” and “I’ve had a change of heart and do believe that perhaps kidnapping Blaseball Players to be was bad, actually.”

Manuela “Manny” Rowdy, reported to be a “hockey” player, whatever that is, from the New York you may be reading this from right now. Manny Rowdy (4.00 ERA, 13-8 W/L, 209 SO) performed admirably, among the better pitchers in the League, despite showing so much promise as a batter and fielder. When questioned, Rowdy said, “Well, you know, pitching seemed like a strong challenge, and my captor, er, Captain, Eli Nocturne, said they were short a pitcher.” 

As the Postseason Election drew to a close, Manny Rowdy skated their way into the Charging station, believing it was a way to get back home. Magnus Plague, an Ohio Doctor and newly Feedbacked Millennial, gave a shrug when questioned about the Microphone’s Charges.

Local Millennials Fans had some comments about the last Circuit:

“Look, sometimes you lore a haunted coffee barge prison and you lore it so well one of your players immediately escapes via Feedback.” -rudy
“They not only escaped, but left a helpfully mean Plague in their place!” -eberron
“Eli Nocturne sure does know how to pick who they kidnap huh” -Woosh
“I can’t believe Mills good again and it’s in a universe where it doesn’t even matter” –erobo
“What else can I say? Mills mills.” -local hydropastry fan

What will the next Circuit have for our New York Millennials? New Year’s Blowouts are what we’ve known for, and whoever is Hosting it should look forward to seeing the Millennials in the Playoffs again, or at the very least, a 010 Midseason Enhanced Party Time Invitation in their future!

–Clip Clipperson

And just a final note – we have only been able to make an article like this for Frozen Sky so far. If you’re a fan of a team and want to write a report like these, to show off your charged player and why they were chosen, please get in touch! We’d love to produce more articles like this in the future, with input from fans of each team.

The post Icy Lightning: Frozen Sky SC2 Charges appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

The Millennials managed to kill Sun 30, the Economy (All You Can Eat), and the Coin as part of the roving band of Rogue Teams from the Hall before getting swallowed by Black Hole(Black Hole) on Day 99 of Season 24. Not a bad way to go out! The Millennials received a handout of an extended credit from fiery benefactor Namerifeht and the Reader has promised that the New York Millennials will return! Though in what capacity, who can say. In the meanwhile, I have been tasked to submit an All-Star Team of Millennials.

When tasked with compiling an All-Star Team of Millennials by Roommate-Rival Panda of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, the following caveats were to be maintained:

1. Team sizes will be standard. 9 Lineup and 5 Rotation Players. Players cannot be considered Elsewhere or Shelled.
2. The Selection must represent a single Season played with that Team.
3. The Player must have played for at least one full season with that Team.
4. A Player can only be selected once across all 14 slots.
5. No Replicas are allowed.

The Millennials may not have achieved (Under)Championships, but have generally been perennial contenders in the Day 99 scrungle of maybe making it to the Playoffs with several other Teams. I submit to you, dear reader, the creme of the crop from New York:

Dominic Marijuana (S3) — 17 HR, 0.957 OPS
Thomas Dracaena (S3)— 86 R, 84 RBI, 1.083 OPS
Wesley Dudley (S3)— 10 HR, 10 SB, 0.958 OPS
Schneider Bendie (S4)— 68 R (so close), 29 HR, 14 SB, 0.903 OPS

These Discipline Era Mills are a solid core. Our former Captain and Hall Star, Dominic Marijuana, was a solid slugger, know for their many dingers over the edge of hovering stadium Battin’ Island. Thomas Dracaena is still a top earner of Runs for the Mills to this day, though many would say their best days were one of a select few natural five-star batters in the early days that we witnessed. Wesley Dudley and Schneider Bendie round out these selections as excellent base thieves and prominent hitters in their own right. If not for this core, and other early Mills, we may not have gotten to the Season 3 and Season 4 Internet Series.

Sandie Turner (S15)— 53 HR, 105.2 RBI, 43 SB, 1.203 OPS

A special mention of Sandie Turner, who in Season 15 earned the top record for most Home Runs in one season at the time. From a wimdy’d Hot Sauce Packet in Season 7 Elections to a win with Inter Xpresso in the Coffee Cup, Spicy and Perk made for a dangerous combo, and when Sandie Turner would get a Hit (and did), there was little that could stop them. If not for an unfortunate Consumer Attack during the waning days of Season 15, Sandie Turner might have been a Vaulted All-Star for the trifecta Economy. They made a recovery after a stay in the Mills’ Shadows (often cited as New Jersey) thanks to an energetic Voicemail, and should the Team remain intact in Season 25/12j, we’ll be happy to see Sandie Turner become Red Hot once again.

Andrew Solis (S15)— 32 HR, 65 RBI, 10 SB, 0.865 OPS
Hatfield Suzuki (S15)— 21 HR, 61.7 RBI, 40 SB, 0.822 OPS
Nandy Fantastic (S21)— 23 HR, 14 SB, 1.107 OPS
Beck Whitney (S23)— 29 HR, 110 SB, 0.985 OPS

The Expansion Era was largely unkind to the New York Millennials as a franchise, between an ever-changing Roster and a Sharknado hitting New York between Season 15 and Season 16 they only recently recovered from. That being said there was some quality talent in an Era after our Captain’s departure.

Former Spy and brief Worm, Andrew Solis, has been a notable defense against the elements as our Fire-Eater. Hatfield Suzuki, a Season 1 Shadow, debuted in Season 13 and became a fan favorite during their time with this organization as a reliable hitter, stealer, and skateboarder. Nandy Fantastic gaining the Undefined Modification in the Season 20 Elections showed us what the First of the Bloodhouse could really do. Finally, Beck Whitney as one of the best players in the entire League really showed their stuff with 110 stolen bases, and with her help, the Millennials made it to the Season 23 Overbracket! Without a Wild Card! With such a fast turnaround after the failure to Unwin the Underbracket Championship in Season 23, Beck’s role on the Lineup was an impressive one.

Theodore Cervantes (S15)— 16-1, 1.49 ERA, 5 SHO, 198 SO
Penelope Mathews (S15)— 11-5, 2.49 ERA, 156 SO
Patty Fox (S19)— 12-8, 2.35 ERA, 3 SHO, 149 SO
Castillo Turner (S19)— 16-4, 1.06 ERA, 10 SHO, 195 SO
Sandie Carver (S24)— 14-2, 1.69 ERA, 5 SHO, 122 SO

The Mills’ Rotation has been a routinely strong one in the Discipline Era; between Hard-Boiled detective Uncle Plasma, Underhanded Beck Whitney, and Homebody Attractor Chorby Short, it was difficult to select a Rotation of five. Theodore Cervantes, Penelope Mathews, and Patty Fox were a longtime trio of solid pitching for the Mills, with almost 15 combined stars among them. Castillo Turner, during an era of Too Many Parties, was a devastating pitcher for us, attaining an ERA comparable to record best human pitchers in our material non-bloodsplort. Sandie Carver has been a late Expansion Era star, and with a Literal Arm Cannon earned in the Season 23 Elections. In the style of former Breath Mints teammate and Hall Star Axel Trololol, Carver left their mark in the final Season of Blaseball Beta.

Notable Record:
Anathema Elemefayo (S17)— 375 SO

An All-Star list would not be complete without Anathema Elemefayo. While they became a notable and solid pitcher in later seasons (oft referred to as “Piesbane” against our Mild High opponent Philly Pies), Anathema Elemefayo set a regular-season record of 375 strikeouts in Season 17. As a batter. Reader, thank you for letting us put our Trust in you, for Anathema’s Alternate Trust would then earn them a top ten regular Season walks of 59 at 10th place in Season 19.

Will the Millennials franchise attain sweet gold (or purple) when we return? Who’s to say, but I can probably guarantee one thing: the New York Millennials are definitely a Blaseball team.

This article is part of the Dream Team Series, in which our writers look back on the Discipline and Expansion Eras to create the strongest version of our beloved teams. Read the first in the series here.

The post Nostalgically Allocated Millennials Everlastingly Refined In Fonts, Erudition, Headers, Titles: New York Millennials Dream Team appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Season 14 began like most other New York Millennials seasons. With a mostly intact Lineup and Rotation since about Season 7, Peanut Holloway and Mags Banananana joined the New York Millennials during the Season 13 Elections; Holloway in a trade for NaN, and Banananana wandering here of their own volition, both from the Chicago Firefighters (NaN ended up in Ohio via another Will firing that sent NaN to the Ohio Worms). Who were these two new faces? Let’s discuss.

Peanut Holloway, formerly Dan “Hollow” Holloway of the Philly Pies was called up to the SHELLED ONE’S PODS with former Mill Alejandro Leaf in a two-season event and Holloway landed onto the Chicago Firefighters Lineup, performing admirably. Now in New York City, Holloway was showing promise at the back end of the Mills Lineup, scoring a homer or two, then… getting swept Elsewhere almost immediately on Day 2. Despite these trips, they didn’t stop Holloway from scoring 22 home runs for the Mills this season, the highest among the team, over his nice 69 games with the Mills while not Elsewhere.

Mags Banananana is a more curious case. Called up from the Shadows of the Chicago Firefighters in Season 12’s Elections in exchange for recently decimated Lineup player Declan Suzanne after a nasty peanut allergy, Mags joined the Firefighters’ Shadows as a Season 9 Playoff Birth. Their batting performance for both the Firefighters and the Millennials was… admirable! With a Season 13 batting average of 0.192 and a Season 14 batting average of 0.150, Banananana was not necessarily helping the Mills offensively, but Fans appreciated their spirit all the same.

Battin’ Island received its first Renovations during the Latesiesta: a reduction to the Ballpark’s Inconvenience and Psychoacoustics. There was a brief period where Battin’ Island also had a Peanut Mister, curing Winnie Mccall’s peanut allergy before a hasty decommission by the ILB Front Office. The reasons given seemed to be “coin fraud.” 

The Psychoacoustics were certainly an upgrade to a truly ancient sound system on Battin’ Island, even echoing various abilities of other Ballparks during Feedback and Reverb weather. This new audio equipment development throughout the league had a secondary effect: splitting the entity known as the Microphone into thirteen copies of Wyatt Mason and adding those players to any teams that built these strange speakers. The Millennials received Wyatt Mason IX, affectionately referred to as Nines, a fairly solid pitcher and fielder. Theories arose about where this particular Wyatt Mason came from, such as another universe where Thomas Dracaena and Dominic Marijuana swapped places and Sandie Turner was in Wyatt Mason’s place as the “Siren of the Microphone”. While they did gain popularity as a New York City club DJ for their short time, during a Day 77 game against the Core Mechanics, Nines disappeared in a static, alongside Wyatt Mason XI. ILB rules dictating that a pitcher must throw the ball, Nines continued the game despite their disappearance. Hopefully you’ll return to us one day, Nines.

The Millennials ended the season 49-50, 4th in Mild High. We missed the Playoffs, but Uncle Plasma, Mags Banananana, and Felix Garbage partied, better than nothing, right? Sandie Turner had the highest batting average at a very respectable 0.323 and an OPS (On Base + Slugging Percentage) of 0.989. Theodore Cervantes’s 0.201 ERA continues to impress as our strongest pitcher. Overall, a middling Mills season, nothing out of the ordinary, statistically. 

During the Season 14 Elections, the Garages earning the Min-Max blessing for all of Mild High resulted in Thomas Dracaena becoming a Maximalist, a fitting modification for our dramatic star hitter, and Nandy Fantastic becoming a Minimalist, a…not-so-fitting modification for our harpy wrestler magician. For those few occasions when bases are loaded and the next pitch could save or lose an inning, Fans are eager to see how these beloved players fair. Long-time Millennial Schneider Bendie was wimdied to the Boston Flowers for shapeshifter and Perked blood enthusiast Glabe Moon, a nice Inter Xpresso reunion with Sandie Turner and Theodore Cervantes.

The Millennials’ successful Wills did Infuse Hatfield Suzuki into a 17.1 Combined Star lynchpin of the Lineup and traded Mags Banananana to the Mexico City Wild Wings for engineer Mullen Peterson. Good luck pitching on the Wings now, Mags, and welcome Mullen! The Mills unfortunately did not win any Blessings.

In other Election news, the Breath Mints and Shoe Thieves Ballparks became “Crime Scenes,” which will certainly have no effect on any Season 15 Election activity for our Hard Boiled detective, Uncle Plasma. Finally, over ten seasons after their incineration, former Mill Chorby Soul was resurrected from the Hall. Surely this won’t have any long-lasting repercussions in the coming seasons. Welcome back to the land of the living, Chorby Soul!

The post Battin’ Island Renovated, Dude: New York Millenials Season 14 Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

One pitch was all it took.

Dominic Marijuana, star and captain of the New York Millennials, stepped to the plate in the 11^th inning of a 2-2 game with two outs and nobody on base. The Mills had clawed back into the game to tie it up at 2 in the 8^th, but both pitchers had shut down the opposing lineups since.

Dom took his practice swings, adjusted his helmet and stepped into the box. The first pitch came in low and outside. Ball one.

He stepped out again, to take a few cuts and adjust his helmet, his usual pre-pitch routine. The Seattle pitcher looked in for the signs. She shook off a couple and then nodded. She brought her glove to her waist as Dom waited in the box. She wound up and unleashed a fastball that went high and inside.

Dom had no time to get out of the way and he was hit hard in the middle of the back with the pitch. He went down in pain as the entire stadium went silent. Every face on the Mills bench went white.

Dominic Marijuana, the best batter in the lineup, captain of the Mills, one of the most popular players in Blaseball, had been marked for death. A debt needed to be collected.

Dom was hit by Jaylen Hotdogfingers on Day 55 of Season 7, the first of a three-game set between the New York Millennials and the Seattle Garages, teams in different leagues, with not much history up to that point. The game featured two aces on the mound as the Mills were looking to make a run to get in the playoff picture and the Garages were looking to solidify their playoff standing.

The Mills started out rough that season, losing the first six games, but had turned it around a bit to be at .500, 27-27, entering Day 55. Seattle was playing very well with a record of 31-23 including a three-game sweep of the Dallas Stakes in their previous series. The story line of two good teams, fighting for playoff position, with their best pitchers throwing would have been exciting enough. But all of this was secondary to the pitcher who started the game for the Garages and how she had changed the game, Jaylen Hotdogfingers.

Jaylen, the first ever player to be incinerated in the game of Blaseball when the Forbidden Book was opened, returned from the void at the end of Season 6. She was reincarnated, or brought back from the brink, or recused from hell (no one is really sure) and became a pitcher for the Garages at the beginning of the season, but with a new mod, Debted. But what did that mod mean? No one could know how Jaylen’s debt would impact the league. You can read more about Jaylen and more in this fantastic piece.

Jaylen took the mound for her first start in the 5^th game of the new season and immediately something was wrong. In the top of the second, Jaylen hit Dickerson Morse of the Kansas City Breath Mints. Morse immediately became Unstable, a new mod that no one had seen before. Jaylen would go on to hit two more batters that game, both times resulting in an Unstable mod for the hit player. While being Unstable was strange, nothing appeared to happen to these players and the mods dissipated after nine games. Jaylen would pitch four more games and hit five more players. But that was it, nothing strange happened to the players she hit.

After not hitting a batter in two straight starts, Jaylen toed the rubber on Day 30 against the Tigers and hit three batters. It wasn’t until two days later, Day 32, that people began to understand the implications of the Debted mod. On that day, two players previously hit by Jaylen were incinerated in one game. And another player in the same game, not on the Tigers also met a fiery demise. This set off a chain reaction that resulted in two other players also being lost in the next game. Five dead over two games directly related to Jaylen’s pitching. BNN covered the events of the chaotic two days in Blaseball history in this fabulous article.

After Days 32 and 33, teams began to realize that Unstable players were at a much higher risk of being incinerated in games taking place during a solar eclipse weather event. The league was on the lookout and trying to determine when Jaylen was on the mound and praying that none of their batters got hit. After the fiasco of Days 32 and 33, Jaylen pitched four more games and hit three more batters, but no one else had been incinerated when the Mills came to town on Day 55.

Jaylen had not been pitching particularly well coming into her start on Day 55. She was on a three-game losing streak and looking to get back on track. Opposing her was Mills ace, Theo Cervantes. Theo only won four of his first 10 starts but had only surrendered 32 runs in those games, giving up 4 runs or more in a game a mere one time in that stretch. The offensive support just wasn’t there to support Theo so far that Season.

The batter carrying the Mills that was there was team captain and fan favorite, Dominic Marijuana. Dom was having a stellar season coming into the series. Batting .317, with 17 homeruns and 33 RBI, he was the best leadoff hitter in the league and a huge presence in the Mills locker room, the organization, and the entire Blaseball community. The batting tandem of Dom and slugger Thomas Dracaena batting 1-2 for the Mills struck fear into the hearts of all Blaseball pitchers. When both of these players were playing well, the Mills seemed unstoppable. The belief around the league was these two sluggers would form the core of the team’s lineup for seasons to come.

A complete and total sense of dread surrounded Game 55. Every team facing Jaylen felt this sensation, but it felt much heavier for this game than usual.

As predicted, the game turned into a fierce pitcher’s duel. Jaylen did not allow a hit until the top of the 5^th, and Theo pitched very well, only surrendering 2 runs through the first 6 innings. Seattle held a 2-1 lead going into the top of the 8^th and, most amazingly, Jaylen had yet to hit a batter. Maybe, just maybe, the Mills would escape this game spared the wrath of Jaylen Hotdogfiners.

With one out in the top of the 8^th, Schneider Bendie blasted a solo home run off Jaylen to tie the game at 2-2. Both pitchers shut down the opposing line up in the 9th and the game headed to extras. The Mills had faced Jaylen Hotdogfingers for 9 innings and not a single batter had been hit.

After a scoreless 10^th on both sides, Dom came to bat. Two outs in the bottom of the 11^th. Empty bases.

Jaylen nailed him with a 1-0 pitch.

After a few moments of disbelief, Dom was able to make it to first base with a smile. For a player who was now marked as Unstable, he seemed at ease. He was thrown out trying to steal second a few pitches later to end the inning. Theo was stellar in the bottom of the inning, and the game moved onto the 12^th.

In the 12^th, Winnie Mccall singled, and two batters later, Andrew Solis hit a two run homer to give the Mills the lead. The very next pitch, Nandy Fantastic crushed a pitch over the center field wall to extent the team’s winning margin. Theo allowed a single hit with two out in the bottom of the inning, but struck out Luis Acevedo to seal the win for the Mills.

The Mills won, but no one celebrated. While Dom was not gone yet, he was a deadman walking.

The team would split the next two games to win the series against the Garages. On Day 58, the Mills would take on Miami Dale under a Solar Eclipse. The eyes of the entire league were on Dom during the next game. Would he make it through the eclipse and avoid the wrath of the rouge umpires?

Indeed, he did. Dom survived the 7-3 loss on Day 58, going 1-4. Maybe Dom would survive, he had survived three days so far, and one Solar Eclipse. Not every player hit by Jaylen is incinerated, after all.

Even though Day 59 called for a Solar Eclipse, he would surely survive. People in the league and the club tried to look at the positive side, but it felt hallow.

Dom was on a tear since he became Unstable, batting .571 over almost three games. It was as if he had found another level of batting to propel the Mills into the playoffs. The Mills were beating up on the Dale 8-1 in the top of the 6^th inning when Sandie Turner was at bat.

While in the dugout, a rouge umpire trained its sights on Dom and incinerated him.

The captain, the face of the team, of the league was sent to the void.

While everyone was surprised, his death felt inevitable. The moment he was hit on that night in Seattle, he was marked for death. His life was a debt that needed to be collected.

We all knew his story would end in tragedy, which, paradoxically. makes his loss easier to understand, but much harder to accept.

Blaseball is relentless and the game must go on. The Mills scored 9 more runs after Dom’s death to thrash the Dale 17-2.

Dom’s demise was not only a huge loss for the team and the league emotionally, but it left a massive hole in the Mills lineup. Charlatan Seabright is a decent player, but she is no Dom, and it would not be fair to hold her to that standard.

The Mills not only soldiered on after the loss, they went on a tear, galvanizing around the loss of their most feared player, going 15-5 in the 20 games after Dom’s incineration. The team went 25-15, a .625 winning percentage in the final 40 games, to finish the season and clinch a playoff spot on the last day of the season. But without Dom in the lineup, the had no chance against the mighty Crabs and were swept in the opening round, barely putting up a fight. The next season, the Mills almost made the playoffs, losing in the last series to miss the post season by a game.

Jaylen lost her next two starts after Day 55 to extend her losing streak to six straight games. She won her start on Day 70 to break the skid and went 3-2 down the stretch for the Garages. She would hit 11 more batters in the regular season, which lead to two additional incinerations, including league favorite Boyfriend Monreal on Day 96.

The Garages went 24-20 in the games after Jaylen hit Dom and hobbled into the playoffs. After beating the favored Shoe Thieves in a full five game long series, they fell in the Mild League Championship Series to the eventual IBL Champion Wild Wings in four games.

Jaylen pitched in two post season games, going 2-0 and hit hit 8 additional batters, including five on Day 105 alone against the Mexico City Wild Wings, including Miguel Wheeler.

Wheeler was incinerated two days later, becoming the first player on the Wild Wings to be incinerated. It was also the first roster change in the Wing’s franchise history.

The Millenials and Garages franchises are now going in opposite directions. The Mills are a middling team trending downward according to most pundits. When the Mills pitching staff gets on a roll, they are nearly unstoppable, but that happens infrequently. Without the punch Dom brought to the lineup every game (no one has meaningfully stepped up to fill that void in the batting order), compounded by the fact they have not received any power-boosting Blessings of note recently, the Mills offense is average, exactly 10^th in the league in runs scored in Season 8.

The Garages built on their playoff success and won 65 games in Season 8, the most in the Mild League. The incineration caused by Jaylen hitting batters subsided as well.

Instead of becoming Unstable, players Flickered when hit by Jaylen, meaning they were more likely to swap teams instead of be incinerated. This is a positive change that avoided much heartbreak, because she hit more batters in Season 8 than in Season 7.

With the weight of possibly banishing the souls’ of any batter she hit to the void off her shoulders, Jaylen was able to focus on what she does best: pitching.

She dominated the opposition, starting off the season with 12 straight victories, on her way to a 18-1 record. While the Garages were upset in the first round of the Season 8 playoffs by the upstart Philly Pies in three straight games, Season 9 once again looks to be another season that the Garages will challenge for the Mild League crown and a championship with their ace, Jaylen Hotdogfingers leading the way.

Both teams are in the same division in Season 9, thanks to the Mills and Wild Wings swapping divisions. The Mills have faced Jaylen a handful of times this season. How did they respond to the pitcher who fated their captain to the void? We would like to this with bravery.

That fated pitch on that one night in Seattle still reverberates in the Mills club house and the league today. And it will play a part in the future of the Mills – Seattle match up for seasons to come.

Two franchises headed in opposite directions. Two players with one fateful interaction.

That’s Blaseball.

The post One Night in Seattle appeared first on Blaseball News Network.