Atlantis Georgias

The Georgias Hubris Cycle reached cataclysmic heights this season as we went from a record-breaking 113 wins and a nice 69% win rate in the main season to being viciously swept out of the postseason in our first round. So what went wrong?

The Georgias were abuzz right from the start as we were projected to be the strongest team this season, due to a very solid pitching rotation and a great defence to back it up. However our offence was comparatively mediocre, despite a few star players in the form of fan-favourite 80s horror protagonist Penelope Video, deep-sea rave DJ Hyena Dropper, and Gianna Schenn who became our best hitter thanks to an incredible Yummy reaction only to be stranded at the end of our Lineup by a Reverb.

By the end of the main season we had given up fewer runs than any other team, but were only tenth in total runs scored. This reliance on defence gave us a lot of close games, and while the length of the main season ensured it averaged out in our favour, for the postseason it left us easily at risk of being eliminated by a few bad games.

And what a few bad games they were. With the rise in overall league offence from the midseason Elections, combined with the Georgias failing to secure any Squid Gifts or Blood Jams and choking in both of our Prize Matches, it was probably inevitable that our initial advantage would wear off. Things went even more disastrously in the second game against the Shoe Thieves when a massive blizzard froze the weaker half of the Shoe Thieves’ Lineup, leaving us facing an absolutely deadly array of batters, including former Georgia Babka McCoy, who was Feedbacked for Lorcan Griffey earlier in the season.

-Jangalian (Jangalian#7646 on Discord)

Charleston Shoe Thieves

This Circuit we’re highlighting (but not Charging) Zora Kramer, a garbage pitcher whose fighting spirit inspired us all.

Our playoff series versus the Wild Wings showed the depth of Zora’s grit. They pitched first, eager to give us a win, and immediately gave up a 2-run homer. We lost that game 19–6, and Zora squatted on the mound, disappointed. They tried, but the rest of the Rotation would have to carry us.

But in the third game, a winter storm Froze two subsequent pitchers, and Zora was called back from the bullpen! A second chance. Zora took a breath, concentrated. A hardened gaze through the snowstorm.

The Wings scored 7 runs that inning. Final score: 25–3. Zora was in anguish. Had they not tried hard enough? They looked inward as we looked to the next game and to Hartley Pebble, who had already given us a win this series.

But wait— who’s that walking to the mound? It’s Zora! They begged for one last chance to give their team a win, and who could say no to that hunger, that drive? So, in defiance of all reason, bottom-of-the-league Zora Kramer took the mound for the third time in a five-game series.

Each pitch was a herculean effort. Visibly straining, Zora held the Wings to one run for an unthinkable six innings. We watched in disbelief as they tore themselves apart to keep us in this series. By the seventh inning, they were spent, but never stopped fighting. The Wings won, but only by two runs.

Zora’s heart was broken, but ours were full of pride. They left it all on the mound, and what more could you ask of a player? We didn’t charge Zora Kramer, but don’t let that fool you. Zora will be with us forever, in heart and sole.

-Jeremy T (APieceOfWorkAmI#8349)

Chicago Firefighters 

Well, if nothing else, the Chicago Firefighters had another interesting Circuit. 

Let’s start from the beginning: when the teams were first revealed, we appeared to have a pretty standard Firefighters team. Average at best with some half decent batters, bad pitching, okay defense, and far more peanut allergies than not. It seemed as though we would be headed for the Fiesta, if we were lucky.

That did not happen.

Less than 40 games into the season, the Firefighters experienced a Night Shift for the thirdCircuit in a row, bringing out Owen Turbo, who would end up being the best pitcher in the League (and despite Feedbacking to the Spies, would only lose two games the entire season), inevitably helping the team narrowly miss the Fiesta. 

That’s not where the weather stopped, though. The team had three Feedbacks over the course of the season: a shockingly mutually beneficial early one with the Crabs, the aforementioned Turbo feedback for Cher Kumar of the Spies (which took a day to go through because of “features”), and a late season batter swap with the Garages. With the Firefighters only having two non-Allergic players, it was no surprise when fan favourite Tube Nebula got decimated by a Peanut (and was equally not shocking when they became our Guest of Honor). Most notably, however, was Craig Faucet getting incinerated and proceeding to play another 10 games afterwards, who despite our best efforts— was not even charged for their troubles.

The thing is, none of these things stopped the Firefighters. Despite winning no Blessings or items, being bombarded with weather, and using their only boosts to salvage a hurt player, they managed to claw their way to third seed, claiming fifth in the league despite all odds. And more than anything, I think that’s the story of the Firefighters this Circuit and beyond; the ability to make something out of nothing.

–Stara

Hellmouth Sunbeams

The Hellmouth Sunbeam entered this Short Circuit right where they wanted to be– bound for the .500 line. Sure, in a season with parties for the worst teams and Playoffs for the best, that had downsides, but the Beams knew what they were about… and then they tanked their way into the midseason fiesta badly enough to get into round one and they were ready to Party their way to the top! And then… they didn’t. One game in EPT, a bit of timeline shenanigans, and the fiesta ended with the Beams better than before but not playoffs material. But not for long!

Because then the Beams claimed (one of) the Title Belt(s) and Royce Spider decided to sit on it, the universe decided that that was Royce’s. And then… the belt got taken. But not for long! Because then the Beams got the only Wild Card slot! They were in the Playoffs! They were going for the championship! And then… they got kicked out round one. And all this happened in a bog-theatre-gothic horror-small town with a chandelier containing the last shards of a dead sun. And their final record was 82-80.

There were icons, like Sun Paladin Amanda Rowdy, or incineration replacement Calvin Revenant, or Samuel ‘Slamuel’ Finnegan, but there was one real hero. Julian Greene had plenty going for them. An early standout on the starting roster, Julian entered the world with 3.9 batting stars. They’d have a top 10 OPS+ (ignoring all the undead invaders from another universe) and a taste for snacking on snow which would bring them to nearly 5 batting stars over the course of the season (before dragging them back to a measly 4.5). But who cares about that? Pregame Ritual Charging? Let’s gooooooooooooo!

-Nix

San Francisco Lovers

It was a beat-down for the Lovers this circuit, trying their best to sell their angle to no avail. The team narrowly slid their way into the midseason Fiesta, missing out on all the action before it could even begin. According to insider sources, a feud between the Lovers and the Mexico City Wild Wings started to get hot after headliner Fontaine Teacup Feedbacked with Liv Chan, but the show was not over for this B-Team yet.

The Lovers held to their wills, and held up their pants holding onto one of the… two title belts until right before the Postseason. When Parker declared reunification, it was a headliner match against Miami. It was a clean finish with the Lovers on the mat. Miami went on into the post season, leaving the Lovers to nurse their aches & bruises.

Eliot Heartfield was sent up into the Mic with the hope that they wouldn’t be destined to become just another Jannetty, but the fate of our Charged players is a story line for another era. All in all, these Lovers couldn’t keep the gold, but that didn’t mean this season wasn’t a popcorn match. With the circuits over and the next era in limbo, maybe this team can get on after all.

-Avery M. (Ackasi#9049 on Discord)

Mexico City Wild Wings

The Mexico City Wild Wings were good this Short Circuit. This was very confusing for a lot of long term Wings fans, because the Wings have never been good. Even when they won their Championship, they came from fourth in the conference. Even when Burke Gonzales was one of the best pitchers in the League they were barely a 0.500 team. So 99 wins and a trip to the Championship, even if it was to lose to The Breath Mints. (a fine, deserving winner) was the sort of inexplicable thing that tested the very boundaries of the game’s capabilities to handle, and was thus appropriate for a Short Circuit.

The “why” of the Wings being good is actually very easy to explain. They hit the ball a lot (1468, first in the League), hit it the furthest (SLG 0.501, first) and thus scored the most runs (975, first). Such was the ferocious offensive output that meant it almost didn’t matter that Tobias Diallo and Mitch Pink forgot where the strike zone was for innings at a time (third and fourth in walks league wide, respectively).

The continual high performance of Soledad Drama, Nova Bye, Alonso Clement, and Lillian McKinley (a 98% consensus pick to charge the microphone) led to the most improbable Wings team to ever exist, a rollicking riotous ball of fun that wasn’t constrained by the Wings of seasons past, and featured such fantastic names as Genesis Toad and Slow McDonald.

Will the Wings be this good again? Probably not. But it won’t matter. The one time we were good was fun, and underdog stories are also fun, and maybe one day we’ll get to see Lillian hit a ball a long way again. Which will be fun.

-BNN Wild Wings correspondent Spludge

Philly Pies

The Pies have traditionally been very good at Elections, so the Front Office started this Short Circuit by enacting a Faustian Pact to have more Elections than we knew what to do with. However, the Front Office failed to read this diabolical document closely enough, missing the footnote where it said anything the Pies elect either wouldn’t matter or wouldn’t actually ever be received by the team.

The mood in the Pies locker room was high despite all this; the team partied hard in the Mid-Season Fiesta, culminating in Nadia Outlaw proclaiming, “I’m never leaving Philly!” and chaining themselves to the radiator. This served to deny the Microphone’s later Feedback attempt, leaving the Wild Wings’ Slow McDonald standing outside the clubhouse.

Kristi Finnegan and Wolf Buss carried the team’s rotation post-parties, and things seemed to be up for the Pies in the second half of the season, until Seyyid Goodhart ate a Peanut and went from one of the worst pitchers in the ILB to the absolute worst in franchise history across all dimensions, proving that you don’t need to be Superallegic to ruin your pitching career.

Although Kid Darling had been sent to party early in hopes the additional training would prime them for Charging the Microphone at season’s end, by the time it was clear the Pies’ playoff hopes were dashed, it became equally clear that Kid’s performance was a disappointment, failing to meet any expectations whatsoever. Seeing this underwhelming lateseason play, the Pies elected to send grizzled power hitter, Ariana Beard in their place.

The Pies have been thoroughly undercooked in the last few circuits; they can only hope the long siesta will give them enough time in the oven to emerge crisp, hot, fresh, and ready by the time Blaseball returns.

-Ads (wilcxck#8979 on Discord)

Seattle Garages

At the start of this Circuit, the Garages were bad. The team was cursed with the highest Patheticism in the League by a mile, such that even making contact with the ball was a miracle. No player exemplified this like Dimi Wobbler, who generated as the worst of the worst, a dismal 0.6 stars. Seeing the writing on the wall, the Garages sighed, laughed (because you have to laugh) and awaited the Party Time they knew was coming.

Then, on Day 3, Dimi Wobbler hit a solo home run to shame the Breath Mints, who would go on to win the Championship. It was their first hit.

Dimi “Warbler” Wobbler, a tiny bird with incredible vibes and very little skill, was on a quest to prove that a positive attitude can overcome any statistical shortcomings. On Day 42, the Garages experienced a full-team Reverb. Instead of the worst batting in the League, they now had the worst pitching. Dimi moved four spots higher in the Lineup. They continued to be bad at Blaseball.

As the Garages’ Guest of Honor, Dimi partied three times and got better. Then Dimi partied again during a game. Suddenly, the silly little bird with excellent vibes had three batting stars. Dimi’s name started to pop up in scoring events more… and more… and more. Despite spending the first half of the season struggling to get on base, they ended with the second-most hits and stolen bases.

All season, the other Garages suffered under the Weather. Reverb decimated the rotation. Their best batter got incinerated; two more Feedbacked away. An already-terrible pitcher had an allergic reaction right after their final game. Dimi just hit the ball some more.

That’s the power of a positive attitude.

– crab

Tokyo Lift

The pitchers were idols, the hitters were yuru-chara mascots and the fans were feeling an unfamiliar tingle of… hope?

Tokyo rolled a strong team. Almost from the start the Lift were chasing a Playoff spot. They couldn’t keep pace with the Ballad-leading Wild Wings, that was clear early on, but the batting of Pop Tomorrah and some creditable pitching meant a winning record at Midseason and third place in Downtempo. Precisely none of this was thanks to Herb Swamp.

Idol performer Art Dembélé was a strikeout machine with Ruthlessness the way a sea has wet. Baffled cruise-ship tourist Seth Bitters was a sexagenarian workhorse with decent ERA but never the wins to show for it. Even Omar “Give Us” Nothing had fans. Herb Swamp, meanwhile, was a firebombed storefront of a player with one-third of a pitching star, Forbidden Knowledge that was painful to read, and not even a tragic backstory to lean on.

But the Tokyo Lift are all about gains. Rather than build an already solid performer into a titan the fans hailed Swamp as their Guest of Honour. Three parties revealed a promising hitter, if still a pitcher for whom mediocrity was but a distant dream.

A Yummy reaction late in the season changed that. Post-Peanut Herb was a monster in every department, bar their day job, and perfectly serviceable there. It wasn’t enough to save the campaign, the Lift having lost all momentum after back-to-back sweeps by the Shoe Thieves and Wings, but joyful fans now coalesced around Swamp as the little kappa that could. And, in some universe, she still might.

Wait, is that hope again?

-elmonstro (elmonstro#6813)

And a final note – BNN relies on reports from readers like you to fill out articles! If you’d like to contribute something in the future, head on over to our discord!

The post The Last Dance: Short Circuit 3 Downtempo Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

At the close of the second major era of Blaseball, and with an immense amount of time on our hands, what better to do than to sift through 24 seasons of data?

And what better way to do that than to create each team’s All-Star Roster?

This is one of what we hope will be a series of articles where writers examine a team’s all-time best Roster in the first year of Blaseball. We agreed on a few rules to start with:

1. Team sizes will be standard. 9 in the Lineup and 5 in the Pitching Rotation. Players cannot be considered Elsewhere or Shelled.
2. The Selection must represent a single season played with that team.
3. The player must have played at least one full season with that team.
4. A player can only be selected once across all 14 slots.
5. No Replicas are allowed.

These rules are set in place in order to capture the journey and essence of each of Blaseball’s teams. We want to avoid a replicalooza or a team of all honses. In addition to these standard rules, I also opted not to consider Season 24. It was weird, and difficult to parse, and unnecessary for getting a picture of who the Wings stars have been.

With that in mind, I present “The All Sauce Wings” (and I want you to know, I seriously considered just listing the Championship-winning Season 7 roster, but that’s hardly the point of this exercise now, is it?).

Batters

Summers Preston (S23)— BA 0.297 – OPS 1.01 – Runs 82 – RBI -76
Huber Frumple (S23)— BA 0.282 – OPS 1.027 – TB 355 – RBI 134
José Haley (S7)— BA 0.322 – OPS 1.04 – OBS 0.364

When you need the ball hit a long way with a minimum of fuss, these three are who you call (though José will answer you from the Hall of Flame). It is impossible to overstate the long-lasting performance of Summers Preston; of the top 26 Wings batting seasons by OPS, 14 belong to Summers, and it is no coincidence that the Season 17 Feedback that sent them to the Dale started the string of performances that led to the Wings tanking. Huber Frumple is the new kid on the block for the Wings, having ridden The Fifth Base to the Bucket, and their early work with the Wings are among the best Wings hitting seasons by a number of metrics. José turned in a fantastic performance to power the Wings to the Season 7 postseason, leading to the eventual Championship.

Brock Watson (S23): BA 0.225 – OPS 0.831 – Stolen Bases 95
Josh Watson (S22): BA 0.269 – OPS 0.891 – Doubles 38 – Triples 29
Fran Beans (S19): BA 0.273 – BA/RISP 0.379 – OPS 0.793
Sosa Hayes (S8): BA 0.282 – BA/RISP 0.393 – RBI 78

As the Expansion Era wore on, the Watsons turned into the fastest way on or around the bases for the Wings, while still crushing it when it came to contact. Fran spent a long period of time putting in consistent performances without ever being the number one option for the Wings, with Season 19 being their highpoint, and while I begrudgingly accept that original Wing Sosa Hayes has now spent more time away from The Bucket than in it, their Season 8 showed the promising signs that would later be expanded on in Houston and Atlantis.

Miguel Wheeler (S6): BA 0.269 – OPS 0.806
Larwrence Horne (S5): BA 0.284 – BA/RISP 0.414 – Bases 198

Finally, a look at two Discipline Era seasons from Wings residing in the Hall. Miguel’s Season 6 was the highpoint of a career that would be cut tragically short in the Season 7 postseason, where they became a victim of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the first Wing incineration, and indeed the first Wing to ever leave the team. Larry Horne was a steady (if unspectacular) contributor to the Lineup who had an unbelievably clutch Season 5, especially by their standards. While not seeming like it now, 198 bases in the Discipline era with its full Lineups was not a bad effort at all; Dominic Marijuana was 10th on the leaderboard that season with 230.

Pitchers

Burke Gonzales (S12)— 17-3 – ERA 1.12 – QS – 20 – BB 0.
Rafael Davids (S13)— 14-6 – ERA 1.95 – QS 17
Silvia Rugrat (S3)— 13-6 – ERA 2.32 – QS 16 – HR9 0.79
Cell Barajas (S22)— 15-7 – ERA 2.89 – H9 0.843
Stephanie Winters (S7)— 9-11 – ERA 6.67 – Postseason ERA 2.67

1, 2, 3, 3, 7, 6. That’s not the pin-code for the Wild Wings Legal Team’s office, but the position Burke Gonzales finished on the ERA leaderboard from Seasons 12-17. By ERA, Burke has 7 of the 8 best Wings Pitching regular seasons, and the only reason it isn’t more is because of a Reverb that drove them to the Lineup late in Season 17 to the collective sighs of relief of the Wild High batters. If Burke had been given any run support, they would have won every game of Season 12. They once won a game by themself through a combination of Coffee 3 and sheer refusal to lose. If Burke had played for the Tigers, they would have played for four different teams and been the target of more Equivalent Exchanges, but as they avoid the press down in Mexico City, they may well be the best player who never became a star.

If Burke is the engine room of the Rotation, then Rafael Davids is its pitching-fuel-drinking heart. While never having as strong a showing as Burke in any individual season, they were just as rough on opposing batters and are the proud owner of the 5th and 9th best Wings Pitching seasons (again, by ERA).

Coming in at the 10th best season is Silvia Rugrat’s Season 3, the best Wild Wings pitching season of the Discipline era. For a long time, Silvia was the queen of the Wings’ Rotation, before their status was gradually eclipsed, first by Burke and then Raf, and finally by Cell Barajas. Cell was originally a Lineup player before the Wings were able to secure their place in the Rotation through The Best Offence Blessing during the Season 12 Elections (before Wills were adjusted to make this a thing anyone could do any season). Since then, they have developed into a fine (if somewhat inconsistent) pitcher, with season 22 being their high point.

At first glance, Stephanie Winters does not belong on this list. Their Season 7 regular season stats aren’t great. They were low enough on the pitching pecking order by stars that they were swapped for Cell as the other half of Best Offence, and they are probably best known for being Shelled in Season 12. But despite the Wings’ reputation as a pitching team, there really hasn’t been a standout season outside of the four previously mentioned players, which leaves this spot wide open for a pick that’s light on stats. Sure, Steph’s stats in the Season 7 Postseason are good (based on a really small sample size), and yes, I freely admit that, as the most prolific author of Summers Preston/Stephanie Winters fiction on Ao3, I am hopelessly biased, but the story of the Wild Wings can’t be told without the Season 7 Championship, and that Championship ends with Steph on the mound doing just enough to hold the Lovers at bay so the Lineup could do their job.

Honorable Mentions:

Jessica Telephone (S13)— BA 0.309 – OPS 1.092 – RBI 80.

Jessica Telephone spent one season with the Wild Wings, and that season was a good batting season. But including the legendary JT on this list would be like referring to legendary Wild Wings Nagomi McDaniel or Wyatt Glover, and there were enough candidates for the Lineup that their inclusion wasn’t necessary. Jessica will be on many of these lists, I’m sure.

Case Sports (S12)— BA 0.216 – BA/RISP 0.313 – OPS 0.56

While they didn’t have a single season deserving of making this list, the story of the Mexico City Wild Wings could not be told without Case Sports. They came into the Lineup in Season 7 to replace the incinerated Miguel Wheeler, returned to the Shadows to allow their dear friend Brock Watson to play, was returned to the active roster as part of the verdict in New York Millennials v. Parker MacMillan III, and was the first player incinerated in the Expansion era.

We did it, Case. We did it. She can’t hurt us anymore. She can’t hurt anyone anymore. We did it. Rest in Violence.

This article is part of the Dream Team Series, in which our writers look back on the Discipline and Expansion Eras to create the strongest version of our beloved teams. Read the first in the series here.

The post All Sauce Wings: Mexico City Wild Wings Dream Team appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

In Season 20 of Internet League Blaseball, winning was restored to its rightful place of being desired. Teams at the bottom of the standings got to partake in their own Postseason fun of competing for the Underchampionship, and with the continuing presence of Axel Cardenas in the Rotation, the Mexico City Wild Wings were the hot preseason pick for the inaugural Underchampion. Powered by the worst non-loss record in the League (24-75), the Wings tore through the Wild Underbracket before falling to the San Francisco Lovers in the Underchampionship series. Will the Wings continue this run of futility into Season 22? Let’s examine the tape to find out.

I Want To Go Home

When last we left the Wild Wings, they had successfully brought Cell Barajas back from the Shadows to lead off the Rotation but were still having to contend with a weaker batting Lineup and approximately 33 Days of Axel Cardenas pitching without Underhanded. The season started promisingly by the standard set of expectations, which is to say there were no catastrophic outcomes. Five of the opening seven series were in the familiar and relatively safe confines of The Bucket, and the Wings exited that stretch with an 8-13 record; not great, but resembling a reasonable Blaseball team (in the way that a 6-year-old child’s drawings resemble actual people).

Following that, however, the Wings went on a whirlwind rodeo tour of the Wild League; an 11 series tour involving trips to Breckenridge, Miami, Hades, a weeklong stay in Chicago, Atlantis, The Hellmouth, Los Angeles, and back to The Hellmouth. The extended road-trip included two eight-game losing streaks, trips to Elsewhere for Brock Watson and Burke Gonzales (and, much less consequentially, Tai Beanbag), and the final sinking of any pretense of the Wings being traditionally competitive, with their records being 15-39 at the end of the ordeal.

Upon getting home, they promptly lost the next 12 games.

Up, Up, and Away

By the time the Latesiesta came about, it was clear that a push for the Underchampionship would be the only chance the Wild Wings had of taking home any accolades this season. The league was also looking towards the newly-installed Depth Chart with growing concern; it had become clear how close each team was to potentially having players become fodder for the Consumers. With that in mind, the Wild Wings installed Balloons in The Bucket to try and keep it dry, and Tunnels beneath it to increase drainage and only occasionally engage in crimes.

They received Gifts generously purchased by many, including the Steaks, Magic, and the mysterious Alaskan Immortals, allowing them to Underperform in the Lateseason, and Brock specifically to Underperform in the Postseason. They also made sure that they were immune to incinerations for the rest of the season; to this point, the weather had mercifully turned its face away from the Wild Wings, and the Wings did not want to ruin that streak. On Day 75, shortly after the commencement of the Lateseason and shortly after the Seattle Garages, the Wild Wings entered partytime, and they made sure they partied. The Wings had 14 separate Parties over the last 24 days of the season, and all players bar Trinity Smaht and Burke Gonzales received at least one boost.

The Tunnels underneath The Bucket, now Ratified in Non-Physical Law, also became a very busy place. 12 separate run-thefts were reported, with a full half of the thefts perpetrated by Silvia Rugrat. More audaciously, Axel Cardenas used the Tunnels to steal the cap right off of the head of an Elsewhere and Scattered Nandy Slumps in a move that was both described as incredibly cool and extraordinarily illegal.

The Wings confidently stumbled their way to a 24-75 record and 26 wins, securing the top seed in the Wild Underbracket by record and the League Underbracket by Divine Favour. The Division Series saw the Wings sweep the Wild Card Tokyo Lift with impressive game-losing performances from Axel and Silvia, the Championship Series saw the Atlantis Georgias defeated 4-1 due to Black Hole oddities before the Internet League Underchampionship Series was lost 3-1 to the San Francisco Lovers. Whilst one tries to hold off apportioning credit and blame in a team sport, it must be noted that the Wild Wings won the first game of the Lovers series 2-1 without scoring a home run; both Runs in the victory were a result of Axel Cardenas absconding through the Tunnels under The Bucket with the handiwork of the Lovers’ Lineup. That being said, the alternate reality where Axel commits no crimes would have resulted in Cell Barajas pitching the fifth game, and Cell demonstrated the most competence of the Wings pitchers during the Postseason, so it may not have changed the eventual result. Congratulations to the San Francisco Lovers on their Season 20 Underchampionship!

Home, Where My Love Lies Waiting

Heading towards Election season, the Wings fans coalesced around three options for their Wills. Priority one was bringing Summers Preston home from the Dale. Summers was an original Wing, and for a long time the star batter, and the past four seasons had been difficult without them. Meanwhile, in Miami Summers had just finished a stellar season, ending with a 0.310 batting average. Given their relative abilities, it was suggested that Trinity Smaht be offered up for the trade. The fans were growing restless with the continued lack of success, and a plan was drawn up to swap Axel Cardenas back to the shadows for Rafael Davids. Finally, the thought of turning a middling batter into a more consistent performer was deemed appealing, and another original wing, Yong Wright, was targeted to become a Magnifier.

Blessings wise, a push was made to win Backup or Down in an effort to make the fan-favorite Shadowed Wyatt Glover significantly lighter, Shot Caller was looked upon favorably, and the Wings decided to contribute funds towards Green Light for the good of the Wild High. With their traditionally goodwill discipline and horrid Blessing luck, hopes for the Election were running high.

Sadly, only portions of the plan came together. The fans of Wyatt Glover pushed hard enough that they were brought out of the Shadows, sending Scarlet Caster back. A small portion of dedicated fans took the opportunity to prune the Lineup by sending Nickname Yamashita to the Shadows. Wyatt Glover spent but a brief moment in the Lineup before being Attracted back home to the Magic (a period of time occasionally referred to as a Gwiffin in Mexico City, after the Shadows player Adkins Gwiffin who entered and then immediately left the Wings Lineup due to the Disappearing Acts Blessing in Season 9). Much to the surprise of everybody, the Wings won the Blessing Backup or Down, but as Wyatt Glover was no longer in the Shadows (or, for that matter, Mexico) it fell upon Rafael Davids. Evelton McBlase II Roamed across from the Lift, immediately becoming the worst Wings batter. But in a move that was just as good for morale as it was the Lineup, Trinity Smaht was traded to the Miami Dale for Summers Preston. Sitting behind fellow original Wings Yong Wright and Stephanie Winters, they should have plenty of opportunities to drive home runners and make a drastic difference to the offensive capabilities of the Wild Wings.

With Hope In Your Heart

There are only so many games that can be won when Axel Cardenas is conceding 8.6 runs every game. The offensive improvements, both through the addition of Summers and the subtraction of Scarlet Caster and Nickname Yamashita should provide much needed run support to the rest of the pitching staff, but the hole to dig out of is probably too deep. Will the Wings compete for the Underchampionship again this season? Probably. But there’s a good chance that they won’t be entering the Underbracket as the number 1 seed, and after two seasons of losing 75 or more games, it’s a hope the fans can hang their hat on.

The post Floating to the Bottom: A Mexico City Wild Wings Season 20 Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Season 19 was chaotic for all of the ILB. Not since the heady days of Season 11 has the league standing done such a poor job of reflecting the talent and performance of the teams in the league. In a league where losing was king, the Mexico City Wild Wings sure did do a lot of it. Between a batting average that only just dragged itself over the Mendoza line and the “pitching” stylings of Axel Cardenas, the Wild Wings dragged themselves to a league-leading 22-77, the worst record since the Season 13 Ohio Worms (21-78) and the worst record of an original team since the Season 9 Hawai’i Fridays (also 21-78). The record was so bad, in fact, that it led them to a quarterfinals exit against the eventual champion Tokyo Lift. How could this happen to a storied, once championship team, you wonder? To answer that, we must take a quick gander at the past, way back to the distant, halcyon days of… Season 17.

The Wild Wings Don’t Get Nice Things

To understand just how the Wild Wings achieved this level of losing, it is necessary to examine Season 18, which requires a quick overview of the major events of Season 17 (this could continue ad infinitum to Season 1, but in the immortal words of the scholar Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”).

In Season 17 on Day 56, during a game against the Miami Dale, Summers Preston was Feedback swapped for Nagomi McDaniel. Not only was this a dreadful hit for team morale (Summers was an original Wing), but also a significant loss of offense. In Season 16, Summers scored 17% of the Wings’ runs while only taking up 10% of the plate appearances, and led the team in almost all batting statistics. Compounding this loss, on Day 94, the Wings suffered from a Reverb that saw star pitcher Burke Gonzales and rising star Cell Barajas switched into the Lineup and batters Josh Watson and Nagomi McDaniel sent to the mound (as a side note, this occurred during the Wings’ PARTYTIME at Worldwide Field. As a result of the Dale Psychoacoustics, they copied the Wings’ Party Time Modifier and ended up having the only Party of the game. This Party went to Summers Preston, because the Blaseball gods lack subtlety and like to add insult to injury).

Nagomi was vaulted at the end of the season and Wills were spent to start to unpick the damage, but the outlook for Season 18 was bleak.

Season 18 saw the Wings struggle. Josh was almost exactly as bad a pitcher as they were projected to be with a season ERA of 5.71, and the offense turned in their worst performance in team history, with a team-wide batting average of 0.175 (which, according to Ifh-Biff, was the second-worst team batting average on record, only a hair behind that season’s Firefighters), turning the hard-working pitcher’s 54 quality starts into just 35 Wins.

Promising rookie Aurora Blortles (recruited from the Worms’ shadows thanks to a Blaseball wide effort to help the Wings have something nice) was incinerated in Game 32, and their replacement, Scarlet Caster, was an archetypal Wild Wings player— which is the kind way of saying absolutely rubbish at batting (their batting average was 0.127, which feels like it should be impossible).

As the season rolled on, a cunning plan was hatched: with such a short Rotation, the team could tank a season, accumulate many games of PARTYTIME, and then quickly unpick the tank to be somewhat good again. All it would take is Foreshadowing one of the good pitchers (Rafael Davids) for a truly terrible Shadows player, such as original Wing and far-too-cool-for-Blaseball batter Axel Cardenas. Of course, Trust Falls was almost certain to pass to chaotic effect, but surely it wouldn’t just turn winning into losing and losing into winning, right?

Right?

Right?

Wrong.

Season 19 started exactly as it should have; Josh Watson pitched a not too disastrous, but entirely predictable, 4-1 loss to the Dale (Summers hit a two-run home run during the game, helping the Wings from the opposing dugout). Much to everyone’s horror and bemusement, this resulted in the Wings staying at the top of the leaderboard, and powered by a record-breaking losing streak to open the season (10 games), they never relinquished that spot. Axel was everything they were advertised to be and more (conceding 40 runs in their first three games on the way to an eye-watering season-long ERA of 13.20), the Wings offense followed the league-wide trend of increased batting to return to its historic norm of “bad, but not in a record-setting way” and everybody else’s offense, powered by Hype Trains, helped suppress even the notionally good pitching of Silvia Rugrat to the point where they only won a quarter of their games.

Interestingly enough, the Wings final record of 22-77 flattered them; on Day 16, Axel Cardenas fell afoul of the Salmon Cannons installed in Atlantis and spent 10 Days Elsewhere. Silvia pulled double duty in their absence and won the game against the Kansas City Breath Mints that Axel would have been scheduled to play.

Aside from the ineptitude on display on the field, the Earlseason also saw the resumption of the weather’s war on the Mexico City Wild Wings, as Wichita Toaster was incinerated on Day 15. Wichita was the Wings’ Postseason birth from Season 13 and was promptly brought into the Lineup at the expense of Axel Cardenas. They were never an outstanding batter, joining with the established Wings Lineup players that orbit the Mendoza line on a seasonal basis. In their stead, Nickname Yamashita joined the Wings and quickly showed themselves to be every bit the player that Wichita was (and, sadly, not one iota better).

There were no other notable weather events from the season, a fact assisted by the Wings being gifted both Soundproof and Fireproof during the Latesiesta. Soul Patches were also distributed, bringing Fran Beans, Yong Wright, and Silvia Rugrat’s Soul number each up to six and moving them further away from the threat of Redaction. Hoops were installed in The Bucket, and further coffee beans were sourced, increasing the chances of Coffee 3s weather occurring.

As the season progressed, the Wings were struck with the dawning realization that as league leaders they were not going to be eliminated from the Playoffs, and therefore were not going to receive any duration of PARTYTIME. This left the Wings unable to evaluate the quandary at the heart of tanking, which is would it result in enough Partying to meaningfully boost the team, and left the Wings hoping that they could catch a break in the finals, defeat teams that were clearly better than them, and perhaps back themselves into a championship by manifesting the traditional truism/threat of the Wild Wings: Anything Can Happen. Sadly, fortune and the fact that the Wings rotation was arranged in such a way that Axel pitched the first game prevented this from happening, and the Wings bowed out of the Postseason with a loss to the eventual champions, the Tokyo Lift three games to one.

It’s German for The Gods, The.

Welcome to the Season 19 Election, where nothing matters! The Wings carefully considered their potential plans in the usual manner (lengthy discussions on Discord and numerous voting polls) and decided to go hard on an effort to get Underhanded— because Axel Cardenas having Underhanded would be objectively hilarious, and if another pitcher got it it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Wills-wise, it was time to start unpicking the tank, getting Cell Barajas back into the Rotation (another quick aside, Cell pitching was a result of Season 12’s Best Offense Blessing, the last Blessing the Wings had received), Josh to the Shadows from where they could be moved back into the Lineup in seasons to come, and Shadow Infusing an incoming player, such as Cell, Raf, or the potentially promising Season 19 playoff birth Foxy Kane.

In terms of outcomes, once more the Wild Wings’ Will discipline came to the fore. The 8% likelihood of Cell’s Shadow Infuse was the lowest mark since Season 15, and fans saw Yong Wright receiving Alternate Trust (3%). Shadow Swap Cel and Josh got enacted with an almost 60% chance. Outside of the Wings’ Wills, an Equivalent Exchange from the Crabs saw Trinity Smaht traded for Fran Beans, a move unexpected by both teams (as Wings batters aren’t the most sought-after commodity) and likely to be a one-season arrangement.

Blessings-wise, business continued as usual, which is to say that Best Offense is still the most recent Blessing the Wild Wings have won. The Wild Wings are now the team that has been the longest without a Blessing— despite the tremendous organization shown, they couldn’t summon the raw firepower of the Tacos, who ended up winning Underhanded, or the Tigers, who had the highest share of the Votes. Also, a Decree happened, but to the idea of putting Votes in Decrees the Wild Wings say, “Not today.”

Same As It Ever Was

In summation, the Mexico City Wild Wings’ Season 19 was the story of clever planning being executed well to not the result wanted due to the caprice of Blaseball in general, which when phrased like that makes it very much like most seasons for most teams in this great splort. In a season where the league was turned upside down as the Coin and the Reader are at loggerheads, the Wings rose to the bottom only to falter when winning was once again required. They left the Season without the benefits of their tank and trudged off to inter the remains of Wichita Toaster with the rest of the fallen Wild Wings in the Miguel Wheeler Memorial Tyre Fire. Anything Can Happen, and it most certainly did.

What will Season 20 hold? Well if history is any indicator, no one knows. The presence of the Underbracket makes projecting the end of the season almost as perilous as it was for Season 19. It would be hard for the Wings to lose as many games as they did in Season 19; Cell Barajas as a direct improvement over Josh Watson should single-handedly see to that. That being said, a third of the games will be pitched by Axel Cardenas. The Wings should see a return to something that approaches their recent form; not good, but not historically bad, and will probably be in the Free Wills conversation again. If nothing too disastrous happens in the upcoming season, expect to see a more competitive Wings roster in Season 21.

The post Task Successfully Failed: Mexico City Wild Wings Season 19 Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

There’s one thing that has to be acknowledged: the Team from Mexico City did not have a good Season 16. Not as uniformly disastrous as the Millennials’ run with the unfortunate Chorby Soul (RIV) or the de-rigueur continuation of the Garages’ three-season slide. But that middling-ness has been its own source of angst for fans of the Team from Mexico City.

As it became clear in Midseason that the Team from Mexico City was more or less out of contention, an unusual celebratory cheer could be frequently heard from Wings watchers: “Wings Bad!” Unusual, perhaps, but not unreasonable for fans eager to see the beginning of PARTYTIME, and potentially the redemption of such roster-fillers as Roscoe Sundae.

PARTYTIME did not come easy for the Team from Mexico City. The Millennials and Garages, neighbors in the Mild League, started Partying after Day 76 and Day 77, respectively. As the Team from Mexico City skated along the line between mathematical improbability and impossibility, the cry was a despairing, if somewhat perplexed, “Wings Good?”

Blaseball is, of course, fundamentally a team splort, so take this next observation with a grain of salt, but it must be said: the main culprit in the Team from Mexico City’s refusal of irrelevancy was the indomitable Burke Gonzales. Gonzales is arguably the second-best pitcher in the League, behind only the Firefighters’ Gabriel Griffith. After Partying late in the season, I fully expect them to set the League on fire in Season 17 (metaphorically, though one should never rule out a literal interpretation).

Setting aside their 2nd-in-the-League .413 strike percentage and .650 per 9 home-run rate (lowest in the League), Gonzales’ simplest statistic is the most telling: 14 season Wins to 6 Losses, a differential of 8 games. Let’s pretend for a moment that Gonzales is replaced by a perfectly average pitcher – one who “pitches with the team” for a Win/Loss of 8/12 (I know this isn’t really an average performance, but in my defense, I’m bad at statistics). With 6 fewer season Wins, the Team from Mexico would fall to a record of 34-65, placing them just above the Garages.

In other words, without Gonzales (who, it should be noted, pitched 7 shutouts out of 20 appearances) PARTYTIME would’ve come much sooner.

The Team from Mexico City did make it to PARTYTIME eventually, at a respectable 84 games. But there is something beautiful— something fundamentally Blaseball— about fans desperate for a run of Losses, cheering for their team by cheering against its star pitcher.

This is a small story in the grander context of Blaseball’s sixteenth season, but it resonates with the prevailing themes of this and all seasons. From the brilliant final(?) season of Chorby Soul to the perennial threat of Incineration, Blaseball’s best stories grow out of loss and disappointment. Leave it to the Team from Mexico City to draw such a story out of a string of odds-defying, unexpected victories.

The post Fighting for the Right to Party in Mexico City appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Everyone loves a comeback story. And this? This is a comeback story. 

Season 6 was rough for the Mexico City Wild Wings. The High Filter Decree had passed the previous election and shaken up the league – teams went from being in performance neutral, alignment-based divisions into quartile-based divisions. Every team faced challenges with this – several teams that had easily breezed into the Postseason in previous Seasons were now facing tougher teams more often – but the Wild Wings were facing an identity crisis.

Previously a Lawful Evil team, the Wild Wings had posted a 49-50 win record, they were 11th out of 20 in Season 5 and were relegated to the Mild Low division. No big deal, right? 

But these were the Wild Wings. They didn’t belong in the Mild League, and they were not quiet about it. The Mexico City Wild Wings Legal Team filed suit against Internet League Blaseball, claiming that, among other things, the placement constituted “Unjust Humiliation” and “Loss of Brand Value.” The Commissioner, at first dismissive, filed a counter-suit. The Wild Wings Legal Team filed a memorandum, which the Commissioner dismissed. The ILB continued to goad the Wild Wings, changing their name in official broadcasts to the “Mild Wings”, and moving their home city from Mexico city to Wexico City and back. Needless to say, the cost of moving their ballpark, the Bucket, repeatedly, was a significant price to pay for the Wild Wings Franchise. 

Then, at the end of the Regular Season, when the Peanut’s chosen were not placed above the Line on the Idol Board and the Third Strike was called, the Mexico City Wild Wings were officially renamed the Mexico City Mild Wings. They had no Postseason Birth, they ended Season 6 in a worse place than they started, they had won no blessings, and they had lost a core part of their identity. 

They came back in Season 7 and earned a Postseason Birth while only scoring 425 Runs.

In this article series, we’re going to be looking at the Top 10 Lowest Scoring Postseason-Eligible Seasons in Blaseball History (at time of writing, Seasons 1 to 12). This isn’t really the range of Champions – those tend to score high and win big. We aren’t looking at the Party Time speedrunners either – these are teams that seriously contend and earn their playoff position. And those 425 Runs? They are # 10 on our list.

Welcome to Ch- _{wait, I’m sorry, I gotta take this. Yeah? What do you mean we’re not doing the Chart Party Reference? There’s not a good place to put the ‘L’? But c’mon, I got out all m- okay. Yup. Okay.}

Well, I have some charts for you to look at. Let’s see what we can find, yeah?

Let’s start by looking at cumulative Runs for the Postseason qualifying teams in the Mild League, as well as the league overall average. As you can see, the Mild Wings are trailing by quite a bit, even under the League Average. The Wild League was putting up a lot of runs (especially the Baltimore Crabs, who put up over 100 runs more than the Mild Wings) and the Mild League is always competitive as well.

When it comes to turning those runs into Wins though, that’s another story. The Mild Wings clearly qualified for the Postseason, because that’s why we’re here, but they ended the Regular Season with four wins over the 5th place in their League, and almost 10 wins over everyone else. So how were they able to turn such a low Run count into Wins?

As you can see, the Mild Wings were in the middle of the pack in Runs per Game with 4.29 , but they were the team to beat in terms of Runs / Win coming in at 5.27, almost a quarter of a point above the next best Team in that metric, the Unlimited Tacos. No other Team could assemble a Win in as few Runs, which is quite impressive.

In terms of efficiency, I’ve also scored each of their games with a “Wasted Run” count. Wasted Runs are runs that are either above the one point lead that’s necessary for victory. Remember Game 1 of the series, back on Day 94? The Tigers scored 13 points while already ahead 4 to 1 near the end of that game. Those points didn’t help them win. Those points didn’t even help them secure their victory. It was running around the bases because it’s fun, and while that’s neat, that’s not what we’re here for.

Added to my calculation are any runs scored in a defeat. Now, I know that’s not fair. Runs scored during a defeat are still an attempt at victory, a solid shot at trying to make something happen. But we’re looking at the most efficient Regular Seasons in the first 12 Seasons of Blaseball. Every run counts towards that total, and every run that isn’t necessary to lock in your playoff spot is, at least for this exercise, wasted. 

Here’s where the Wild Wings are. In Runs per Game, they were far from the lowest, but they definitely didn’t showboat as much as the Crabs, who averaged almost 4 unnecessary runs per game. Disgraceful.

The Wild Wings wasted almost 300 of their 425 runs, ending up with just 143 runs productively building Wins for their squad. Let’s check out those Wasted Runs by Day, shall we? 

So it looks like they wasted 253 of their 425 runs, ending up with just 172 runs productively building Wins for the Mild Wings. Let’s check out those Wasted Runs by Day, shall we? 

They weren’t even the best Team in the League by Optimal Games, or Games where they didn’t score any Wasted Runs – they scored a respectable 20, but so did the Yellowstone Magic, and this was in a Season where the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and the Hawai’i Fridays racked up 24 and 25 Optimal Games, respectively. 

Of those 12 Optimal Games, 1 was pitched by Kennedy Rodgers, 2 were pitched by Rafael David, and 5 each were pitched by Stephanie Winter and Burke Gonzales. But Silvia Rugrat was the Optimal Games star for the Mild Wings, pulling in 7 Optimal Games, 6 of them Wins. Let’s check out a few of those Wins, shall we?

On Day 24, Silvia faced down the Philly Pies and kept up the defenses, keeping the game tied into three extra innings and giving José Haley a chance to drive in a solo Home Run to Shame the Philly Pies.

    On Day 34, Silvia faces down rough competition from the San Francisco Lovers, but Ronan Combs comes in with a steal on home in the bottom of the ninth, and with two on base a Double from Summers Preston ends the game in Shame for the Lovers.

    Despite a slip up in the second inning, the Mild Wings put consistent pressure on the Magic to bring up a rare high-scoring Optimal Game on Day 69.

On Day 74, the Mild Wings face a team they’d be contending for a Postseason spot with, resulting this incredibly tight Optimal Game at the Bucket. Silvia keeps the Breath Mints from advancing past first base in the second half and keeps the hard-earned Mild Wings’ advantage. 

So, what did we learn here? Well, the Mild Wings were capable of constructing a Win Object with very few runs, but they also consistently built a bit of safety into their Games.

This was not an easy season to be trying – Jaylen Hotdogfingers had returned from Incineration, and her Debt was causing untold casualties across the league. Even so, the Mild Wings scrapped and fought their way to a Postseason Birth, in spite of everything the gods and the Commissioner put in their way.

If you’re a dedicated Blaseball fan, you know where this is going. I said at the top of this article that the list isn’t really the place for Champions – Champions normally win by huge margins and are top of their game in slugging. I won’t normally get too in the weeds on Postseason appearances But just this once? I told you we’d get that comeback story.

After six Seasons with no Postseason appearances, the Mild Wings take down the Kansas City Breath Mints 3 to 1, then become the Mild League Champs in a difficult series against the Garages, after which the Commissioner returns their name to them. In Game 4 of the Finals they became the Season 7 ILB Champs by Shaming the Lovers in an Optimal Game – and they did it as the Wild Wings. 

This article was made possible with the wonderful tools created and maintained by the folks at the Society for Internet Blaseball Research – check out:

• Chronicler API

    -Reblase – reblase.sibr.dev (Thanks @AReblase!)

    -Blaseball Line Score Tool – linescore.sibr.dev

    -Blaseball Reference – blaseball.reference.com

    And of course, the Blaseball Wiki – blaseball.wiki

RUNNING LOW

-PART 1: THE SEASON 7 MEXICO CITY WILD WINGS

-PART 2: COMING SOON

-PART 3: COMING SOON

-PART 4: COMING SOON

-PART 5: COMING SOON

-PART 6: COMING SOON

-PART 7: COMING SOON

-PART 8: COMING SOON

-PART 9: COMING SOON

-PART 10: COMING SOON

The post Running Low: Part 1 – The Season 7 Mexico City Wild Wings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.