Atlantis Georgias

The Georgias Hubris Cycle reached cataclysmic heights this season as we went from a record-breaking 113 wins and a nice 69% win rate in the main season to being viciously swept out of the postseason in our first round. So what went wrong?

The Georgias were abuzz right from the start as we were projected to be the strongest team this season, due to a very solid pitching rotation and a great defence to back it up. However our offence was comparatively mediocre, despite a few star players in the form of fan-favourite 80s horror protagonist Penelope Video, deep-sea rave DJ Hyena Dropper, and Gianna Schenn who became our best hitter thanks to an incredible Yummy reaction only to be stranded at the end of our Lineup by a Reverb.

By the end of the main season we had given up fewer runs than any other team, but were only tenth in total runs scored. This reliance on defence gave us a lot of close games, and while the length of the main season ensured it averaged out in our favour, for the postseason it left us easily at risk of being eliminated by a few bad games.

And what a few bad games they were. With the rise in overall league offence from the midseason Elections, combined with the Georgias failing to secure any Squid Gifts or Blood Jams and choking in both of our Prize Matches, it was probably inevitable that our initial advantage would wear off. Things went even more disastrously in the second game against the Shoe Thieves when a massive blizzard froze the weaker half of the Shoe Thieves’ Lineup, leaving us facing an absolutely deadly array of batters, including former Georgia Babka McCoy, who was Feedbacked for Lorcan Griffey earlier in the season.

-Jangalian (Jangalian#7646 on Discord)

Charleston Shoe Thieves

This Circuit we’re highlighting (but not Charging) Zora Kramer, a garbage pitcher whose fighting spirit inspired us all.

Our playoff series versus the Wild Wings showed the depth of Zora’s grit. They pitched first, eager to give us a win, and immediately gave up a 2-run homer. We lost that game 19–6, and Zora squatted on the mound, disappointed. They tried, but the rest of the Rotation would have to carry us.

But in the third game, a winter storm Froze two subsequent pitchers, and Zora was called back from the bullpen! A second chance. Zora took a breath, concentrated. A hardened gaze through the snowstorm.

The Wings scored 7 runs that inning. Final score: 25–3. Zora was in anguish. Had they not tried hard enough? They looked inward as we looked to the next game and to Hartley Pebble, who had already given us a win this series.

But wait— who’s that walking to the mound? It’s Zora! They begged for one last chance to give their team a win, and who could say no to that hunger, that drive? So, in defiance of all reason, bottom-of-the-league Zora Kramer took the mound for the third time in a five-game series.

Each pitch was a herculean effort. Visibly straining, Zora held the Wings to one run for an unthinkable six innings. We watched in disbelief as they tore themselves apart to keep us in this series. By the seventh inning, they were spent, but never stopped fighting. The Wings won, but only by two runs.

Zora’s heart was broken, but ours were full of pride. They left it all on the mound, and what more could you ask of a player? We didn’t charge Zora Kramer, but don’t let that fool you. Zora will be with us forever, in heart and sole.

-Jeremy T (APieceOfWorkAmI#8349)

Chicago Firefighters 

Well, if nothing else, the Chicago Firefighters had another interesting Circuit. 

Let’s start from the beginning: when the teams were first revealed, we appeared to have a pretty standard Firefighters team. Average at best with some half decent batters, bad pitching, okay defense, and far more peanut allergies than not. It seemed as though we would be headed for the Fiesta, if we were lucky.

That did not happen.

Less than 40 games into the season, the Firefighters experienced a Night Shift for the thirdCircuit in a row, bringing out Owen Turbo, who would end up being the best pitcher in the League (and despite Feedbacking to the Spies, would only lose two games the entire season), inevitably helping the team narrowly miss the Fiesta. 

That’s not where the weather stopped, though. The team had three Feedbacks over the course of the season: a shockingly mutually beneficial early one with the Crabs, the aforementioned Turbo feedback for Cher Kumar of the Spies (which took a day to go through because of “features”), and a late season batter swap with the Garages. With the Firefighters only having two non-Allergic players, it was no surprise when fan favourite Tube Nebula got decimated by a Peanut (and was equally not shocking when they became our Guest of Honor). Most notably, however, was Craig Faucet getting incinerated and proceeding to play another 10 games afterwards, who despite our best efforts— was not even charged for their troubles.

The thing is, none of these things stopped the Firefighters. Despite winning no Blessings or items, being bombarded with weather, and using their only boosts to salvage a hurt player, they managed to claw their way to third seed, claiming fifth in the league despite all odds. And more than anything, I think that’s the story of the Firefighters this Circuit and beyond; the ability to make something out of nothing.

–Stara

Hellmouth Sunbeams

The Hellmouth Sunbeam entered this Short Circuit right where they wanted to be– bound for the .500 line. Sure, in a season with parties for the worst teams and Playoffs for the best, that had downsides, but the Beams knew what they were about… and then they tanked their way into the midseason fiesta badly enough to get into round one and they were ready to Party their way to the top! And then… they didn’t. One game in EPT, a bit of timeline shenanigans, and the fiesta ended with the Beams better than before but not playoffs material. But not for long!

Because then the Beams claimed (one of) the Title Belt(s) and Royce Spider decided to sit on it, the universe decided that that was Royce’s. And then… the belt got taken. But not for long! Because then the Beams got the only Wild Card slot! They were in the Playoffs! They were going for the championship! And then… they got kicked out round one. And all this happened in a bog-theatre-gothic horror-small town with a chandelier containing the last shards of a dead sun. And their final record was 82-80.

There were icons, like Sun Paladin Amanda Rowdy, or incineration replacement Calvin Revenant, or Samuel ‘Slamuel’ Finnegan, but there was one real hero. Julian Greene had plenty going for them. An early standout on the starting roster, Julian entered the world with 3.9 batting stars. They’d have a top 10 OPS+ (ignoring all the undead invaders from another universe) and a taste for snacking on snow which would bring them to nearly 5 batting stars over the course of the season (before dragging them back to a measly 4.5). But who cares about that? Pregame Ritual Charging? Let’s gooooooooooooo!

-Nix

San Francisco Lovers

It was a beat-down for the Lovers this circuit, trying their best to sell their angle to no avail. The team narrowly slid their way into the midseason Fiesta, missing out on all the action before it could even begin. According to insider sources, a feud between the Lovers and the Mexico City Wild Wings started to get hot after headliner Fontaine Teacup Feedbacked with Liv Chan, but the show was not over for this B-Team yet.

The Lovers held to their wills, and held up their pants holding onto one of the… two title belts until right before the Postseason. When Parker declared reunification, it was a headliner match against Miami. It was a clean finish with the Lovers on the mat. Miami went on into the post season, leaving the Lovers to nurse their aches & bruises.

Eliot Heartfield was sent up into the Mic with the hope that they wouldn’t be destined to become just another Jannetty, but the fate of our Charged players is a story line for another era. All in all, these Lovers couldn’t keep the gold, but that didn’t mean this season wasn’t a popcorn match. With the circuits over and the next era in limbo, maybe this team can get on after all.

-Avery M. (Ackasi#9049 on Discord)

Mexico City Wild Wings

The Mexico City Wild Wings were good this Short Circuit. This was very confusing for a lot of long term Wings fans, because the Wings have never been good. Even when they won their Championship, they came from fourth in the conference. Even when Burke Gonzales was one of the best pitchers in the League they were barely a 0.500 team. So 99 wins and a trip to the Championship, even if it was to lose to The Breath Mints. (a fine, deserving winner) was the sort of inexplicable thing that tested the very boundaries of the game’s capabilities to handle, and was thus appropriate for a Short Circuit.

The “why” of the Wings being good is actually very easy to explain. They hit the ball a lot (1468, first in the League), hit it the furthest (SLG 0.501, first) and thus scored the most runs (975, first). Such was the ferocious offensive output that meant it almost didn’t matter that Tobias Diallo and Mitch Pink forgot where the strike zone was for innings at a time (third and fourth in walks league wide, respectively).

The continual high performance of Soledad Drama, Nova Bye, Alonso Clement, and Lillian McKinley (a 98% consensus pick to charge the microphone) led to the most improbable Wings team to ever exist, a rollicking riotous ball of fun that wasn’t constrained by the Wings of seasons past, and featured such fantastic names as Genesis Toad and Slow McDonald.

Will the Wings be this good again? Probably not. But it won’t matter. The one time we were good was fun, and underdog stories are also fun, and maybe one day we’ll get to see Lillian hit a ball a long way again. Which will be fun.

-BNN Wild Wings correspondent Spludge

Philly Pies

The Pies have traditionally been very good at Elections, so the Front Office started this Short Circuit by enacting a Faustian Pact to have more Elections than we knew what to do with. However, the Front Office failed to read this diabolical document closely enough, missing the footnote where it said anything the Pies elect either wouldn’t matter or wouldn’t actually ever be received by the team.

The mood in the Pies locker room was high despite all this; the team partied hard in the Mid-Season Fiesta, culminating in Nadia Outlaw proclaiming, “I’m never leaving Philly!” and chaining themselves to the radiator. This served to deny the Microphone’s later Feedback attempt, leaving the Wild Wings’ Slow McDonald standing outside the clubhouse.

Kristi Finnegan and Wolf Buss carried the team’s rotation post-parties, and things seemed to be up for the Pies in the second half of the season, until Seyyid Goodhart ate a Peanut and went from one of the worst pitchers in the ILB to the absolute worst in franchise history across all dimensions, proving that you don’t need to be Superallegic to ruin your pitching career.

Although Kid Darling had been sent to party early in hopes the additional training would prime them for Charging the Microphone at season’s end, by the time it was clear the Pies’ playoff hopes were dashed, it became equally clear that Kid’s performance was a disappointment, failing to meet any expectations whatsoever. Seeing this underwhelming lateseason play, the Pies elected to send grizzled power hitter, Ariana Beard in their place.

The Pies have been thoroughly undercooked in the last few circuits; they can only hope the long siesta will give them enough time in the oven to emerge crisp, hot, fresh, and ready by the time Blaseball returns.

-Ads (wilcxck#8979 on Discord)

Seattle Garages

At the start of this Circuit, the Garages were bad. The team was cursed with the highest Patheticism in the League by a mile, such that even making contact with the ball was a miracle. No player exemplified this like Dimi Wobbler, who generated as the worst of the worst, a dismal 0.6 stars. Seeing the writing on the wall, the Garages sighed, laughed (because you have to laugh) and awaited the Party Time they knew was coming.

Then, on Day 3, Dimi Wobbler hit a solo home run to shame the Breath Mints, who would go on to win the Championship. It was their first hit.

Dimi “Warbler” Wobbler, a tiny bird with incredible vibes and very little skill, was on a quest to prove that a positive attitude can overcome any statistical shortcomings. On Day 42, the Garages experienced a full-team Reverb. Instead of the worst batting in the League, they now had the worst pitching. Dimi moved four spots higher in the Lineup. They continued to be bad at Blaseball.

As the Garages’ Guest of Honor, Dimi partied three times and got better. Then Dimi partied again during a game. Suddenly, the silly little bird with excellent vibes had three batting stars. Dimi’s name started to pop up in scoring events more… and more… and more. Despite spending the first half of the season struggling to get on base, they ended with the second-most hits and stolen bases.

All season, the other Garages suffered under the Weather. Reverb decimated the rotation. Their best batter got incinerated; two more Feedbacked away. An already-terrible pitcher had an allergic reaction right after their final game. Dimi just hit the ball some more.

That’s the power of a positive attitude.

– crab

Tokyo Lift

The pitchers were idols, the hitters were yuru-chara mascots and the fans were feeling an unfamiliar tingle of… hope?

Tokyo rolled a strong team. Almost from the start the Lift were chasing a Playoff spot. They couldn’t keep pace with the Ballad-leading Wild Wings, that was clear early on, but the batting of Pop Tomorrah and some creditable pitching meant a winning record at Midseason and third place in Downtempo. Precisely none of this was thanks to Herb Swamp.

Idol performer Art Dembélé was a strikeout machine with Ruthlessness the way a sea has wet. Baffled cruise-ship tourist Seth Bitters was a sexagenarian workhorse with decent ERA but never the wins to show for it. Even Omar “Give Us” Nothing had fans. Herb Swamp, meanwhile, was a firebombed storefront of a player with one-third of a pitching star, Forbidden Knowledge that was painful to read, and not even a tragic backstory to lean on.

But the Tokyo Lift are all about gains. Rather than build an already solid performer into a titan the fans hailed Swamp as their Guest of Honour. Three parties revealed a promising hitter, if still a pitcher for whom mediocrity was but a distant dream.

A Yummy reaction late in the season changed that. Post-Peanut Herb was a monster in every department, bar their day job, and perfectly serviceable there. It wasn’t enough to save the campaign, the Lift having lost all momentum after back-to-back sweeps by the Shoe Thieves and Wings, but joyful fans now coalesced around Swamp as the little kappa that could. And, in some universe, she still might.

Wait, is that hope again?

-elmonstro (elmonstro#6813)

And a final note – BNN relies on reports from readers like you to fill out articles! If you’d like to contribute something in the future, head on over to our discord!

The post The Last Dance: Short Circuit 3 Downtempo Recap appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Welcome to what we hope will become a regular series of articles, reporting on the charged players in each circuit. We’re starting out with Frozen Sky since we had several BNN reporters who focus on these teams— with luck, we will be able to produce more articles like this in the future!

Boston Flowers

The hero…. the record setter… the legend… Lyra Vitamin! They were the Boston Flowers first Charge and the powerhouse leading the League in several categories while setting records in Boston.

Jose Gravy, the Boston Flowers Charge in Short Circuit 3, was not quite that. Short Circuit 3 had blessed the Boston Flowers with a team who excelled in one thing and one thing only, entering Party Time. Despite that, Gravy was certainly our best player.

By the time the Mid-Season Election rolled around Jose Gravy had taken the lead in several batting categories, and they didn’t slow down afterwards. 

Jose Gravy won the Snow Mittens, heavily improving their defence, and the Teams as a whole.  The Feet Warmers Amplification didn’t go to waste either, Gravy was spotted walking onto first, and then stealing their way back home.

Their opposition in discussions about who to Charge was Lila Icicle, who you may have heard of before for being incredibly bad. Icicle was the last batter in the Circuit to hit the ball, and was either the worst overall or next to it in pretty much every imaginable metric of batting skill.

Having terrible batters isn’t news to the Flowers, Icicle had the third worst OPS+ in Blaseball history*, behind two fellow Flowers Moses Mason and Salih Ultrabass.

Icicles’ habit of getting Frozen, however, was extremely funny in relation to their name.

Once more the Boston Flowers felt themselves torn between a loveable skilled player, and a loveable terrible player. The Team loved both players, but internal Team polling on the discord made it clear, Jose Gravy was set to go on a journey to the great static in the sky. 

In the end the Team successfully Discharged Gravy with a respectable 64% of their Charge votes.

With one good player and one legendary player now Charged, it’s looking like the Boston Flowers are hoping they will one day see these players return to play with the Boston Flowers again. Let’s Grow!

* – Over a 90+ Game period 

–Kidror

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

The Jazz have taken a very relaxed approach to the Short Circuits voting. We don’t know what charging does, so we have been “Free Jazzing” every Election. Though only one player can win, so two players became the front runners. 

Hester Scythe has something the prime universe Jazz team has needed forever, pitching stars. Had Hester been a pitcher they would have been the best pitcher in this universe (until Giannis got the Fist).

Prometheus Bug is a fan favorite. They have a top tier name, had fun upshelling campaign, great baserunning and fan loyalty, and are just a solid batter. 

Hester Scythe managed to eke out the charge vote win. Based on Jazz Hands tracked votes it was a close to 50/50 race. If charging does eventually involve the prime universe the Jazz hope that the team’s pitching will get a needed boost, but also hope that Hester never picks up a bat again.  

-Malst (Malst#9560 on Discord)

Canada Moist Talkers

This circuit, the Talkers voted to Charge Saturday Elder. After coming first in the league in the main season, the Talkers went on to win the championship, and Saturday’s performance is in no small part responsible for this victory! Their main season performance was good (0.283 BA, and 0.887 OPS), but with a postseason BA of 0.423 and OPS of 1.271, they were the star of the postseason.

SIBRmetrics aside, though, there is a wonderful story involving Saturday that led to their popularity among fans. On Day Seven, the Moist Talkers faced off against the Hawai’i Fridays. After nine Innings, the Talkers were down 5-2. The Fridays’ pitcher Byran Bono wasn’t particularly strong– Bono would go on to sport an ERA of 5.30 for the season– but they were having a good outing. Tilda Dasher and Nico Haycox went up to bat and hit a ground out and flyout respectively. Three runs down, and with two Outs in the final inning, even to devout fans the game seemed lost.

But then the incredible happened– Valkyrie Domski, second worst batter on the team by OPS, hit a double on the first pitch! Three walks from Bing Assiri, Jasper Coven and Carin Burns followed; the score was now 5-3 with Valkyrie safely at home again. Kinsley Reed hit a double to tie up the score, and now not only a victory but Shame was within reach!

Saturday Elder up to bat. Two balls, and then– a single! Saturday Shamed the Fridays! They went on to steal a base and get batted in by Sasha Baths, before Tilda Dasher hit a ground out to end the game. This inning had seen the Talkers come from behind to score five runs and Shame the Fridays, and every one of their batters saw play. What a performance!

Saturday became a fan favourite after this, with the fans proudly chanting “Saturdays are made for Dads!” to spur on this superb batter. As one fan put it, they were charged for their high spits and hits, and I hope we get to see similar stories and performances from Saturday in the future!

–Finn

Hades Tigers

After the amazing discharge of Rat Love (have you heard of Rat Love?), The Tigers cuddled up in a snowy cloud of frozen sloth and took a nap. Lovely dreams of rats dancing through empty heads. And thus the stage is set for a well deserved slumber party.

Initial review of the new roster told fans one thing: these Tigers suck. This alone was enough for a somber celebration. But more, we are now lighter than air as Hades freezes over. In typical Tiger nature, our new roster had a mighty thirst for base and an inability to throw a ball. Amusingly, that thirst was not matched with any capacity to actually steal. Meaning ridiculous plays as dizzy Tigers fell over each other trying to round the diamond.

So, with a yawn. One solitary fan picked pitcher Ethan Rivet. Alone making up 39% of the total vote. When asked for comment, this stripe stated: ”I liked the name and didn’t want to not spend my votes.”

So congratulations to Ethan Rivet. Among the Tiger’s pitchers, second best. In the context of this circuit— not objectively awful.

Many Stripes, One Sleepy Tiger.

-Khalvin8 (Khalvin8#1127 on Discord)

Kansas City Breath Mints

In the Mid-Season Election, the Breath Mints won the Snow Shovel. Saoirse Singh’s Snow Shovel (try saying that three times fast) was a core component of the Breath Mints’ offense, with a much-improved BA and OPS post-election (and starting from a solid base). Their offensive SIBRmetrics with the shovel, as calculated by one fan, were .312 BA / .387 OBP / .688 SLG / 1.075 OPS (179 OPS+). The OPS+ metric evaluates batting performance against the league average, and roughly translates to Singh producing 79% more runs than the average player– a wonderful performance!

They were, however, not the only batter considered for a Charge. When Breath Mints fans convened for our Parliamint, we were unable to choose between Saoirse Singh and Maisy Geiger. Geiger’s performance over the same period was comparable, and in fact sported an OPS+ of 216! Some fans, hopeful that a Charged player could return to us in some form, argued that if Maisy could perform like this without their own Snow Shovel, they could be even better further down the line! Others argued that Maisy’s performance might be in part due to their ability to draw walks, and hence their performance might struggle against more Ruthless pitchers, such as those seen in the late Expansion Era.

Ultimately, fans loved both players, with chants for including “Hot Singhles!,” “SINGHER TIME!,” “Geiger makes it count!,” “RADIOACTIVE!,” and “We can count on Maisy!” Choosing between these two players proved impossible, with tied votes after two rounds. We resolved therefore to leave the choice up to the wimds of fate, all agreed that no matter who won, we’d have charged a great batter that we were proud of. And this is exactly what happened– here’s hoping Singh returns to lead a Breath Mints offense in the future!

–Finn

New York Millennials

Clip Clipperson, reporting Live from Upstate New York, in the area where the Gamma 3 Millennials had been playing for the last two weeks over the recent Season. 

Rumors suggested that Eli Nocturne, Team Captain, local Coffee Barge owner, and recipient of the Fourth Strike Distortion in the Midseason Election, had kidnapped the rest of the Team to play Blaseball for mysterious ends. I attempted to get an interview with Nocturne, however there was a Scream Crumpet wailing in the snack case. What I could piece together from Eli included, “Welcome to the Coffee Barge, can I interest you in an Xpresso?” and “I’ve had a change of heart and do believe that perhaps kidnapping Blaseball Players to be was bad, actually.”

Manuela “Manny” Rowdy, reported to be a “hockey” player, whatever that is, from the New York you may be reading this from right now. Manny Rowdy (4.00 ERA, 13-8 W/L, 209 SO) performed admirably, among the better pitchers in the League, despite showing so much promise as a batter and fielder. When questioned, Rowdy said, “Well, you know, pitching seemed like a strong challenge, and my captor, er, Captain, Eli Nocturne, said they were short a pitcher.” 

As the Postseason Election drew to a close, Manny Rowdy skated their way into the Charging station, believing it was a way to get back home. Magnus Plague, an Ohio Doctor and newly Feedbacked Millennial, gave a shrug when questioned about the Microphone’s Charges.

Local Millennials Fans had some comments about the last Circuit:

“Look, sometimes you lore a haunted coffee barge prison and you lore it so well one of your players immediately escapes via Feedback.” -rudy
“They not only escaped, but left a helpfully mean Plague in their place!” -eberron
“Eli Nocturne sure does know how to pick who they kidnap huh” -Woosh
“I can’t believe Mills good again and it’s in a universe where it doesn’t even matter” –erobo
“What else can I say? Mills mills.” -local hydropastry fan

What will the next Circuit have for our New York Millennials? New Year’s Blowouts are what we’ve known for, and whoever is Hosting it should look forward to seeing the Millennials in the Playoffs again, or at the very least, a 010 Midseason Enhanced Party Time Invitation in their future!

–Clip Clipperson

And just a final note – we have only been able to make an article like this for Frozen Sky so far. If you’re a fan of a team and want to write a report like these, to show off your charged player and why they were chosen, please get in touch! We’d love to produce more articles like this in the future, with input from fans of each team.

The post Icy Lightning: Frozen Sky SC2 Charges appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Lucien Patchwork’s pregame ritual is spitting.

Growing up Canadian, I absorbed hockey culture by osmosis even though it was never really something I was invested in. Jokes were swapped about lucky socks and how little of a difference they must make for how badly they’d stink by the end of a winning streak. Those rituals were never really something I bought into, at the time, but that was well before Blaseball, and well before I became ingrained in a community that utilizes rituals of its own.

I, too, have a pregame ritual. Minutes before a game starts, I close the site, and go do quite literally anything else. For example: sometimes I write essays preemptively, which is perhaps a jinx in and of itself. I have a reputation – all in good humour, of course, but an alarmingly accurate one nonetheless – among the Moist Talkers. If I say we’re doing well, the sim itself will conspire against us, and we will lose. If I watch a game in full, we will lose. I was jokingly asked to simply log off for our championship weekend, which I clearly did not heed, but I checked our score only sporadically. I checked it with a degree of hesitation I recognized as unneeded, as in the end, the sim is simply code and random chance. Yet, the superstition lurked in the back of my mind, and sunk in firmly enough that I closed the site almost immediately after the scores loaded.

So, why is that? Why, as Blaseball fans like to joke, does it seem like the sim is watching? Listening?

Throughout its history, the simulation has had a flair for the dramatic, and perhaps why I in particular am so invested in my own ritual is because of how keenly this has come through this season. On Day 87 of this season, I came back from watching an episode of Jujutsu Kaisen to pass time while the game progressed (heaven forbid I check during) to find out that York Silk had been Incinerated. I thought that I was prepared for the inevitability of player death on our team, as our choice of stadium had made the likelihood of it skyrocket. And I think, realistically, I was ready. Ready for any player other than York, who had been Shelled, torn from his home, and sent up north to process the aftermath. The emotional aspect is all fan-made narrative, of course, but it hit home: York had found a family with the Talkers, and in a largely queer community, found family is a very poignant thing.

And now, our dork was gone. His replacement, with an uncannily fitting pregame ritual, was Lucien Patchwork.

We were intrigued enough by one coincidence that the next caught us almost entirely off guard. Our last two matches of the postseason, Days 98 and 99, pitted us against the Shoe Thieves. One of their players – Esme Ramsey – has the Haunted modification, allowing deceased players to possess them when they step up to the plate, effectively replacing Esme’s stats with their own for the duration of the at-bat. Esme cycled up to bat in the top of the ninth inning, and was possessed by Kennedy Alstott, the second ever Incinerated Talker. They hit a ground out. We were already spinning this as a kind of reassurance for the team, a welcome for York from those already in the Hall, when during the top of the fifth inning of the next game, we saw another possession: Trevino Merritt. Our first Incineration. 

They hit a flyout. Reassurance and welcome began to take on a hint of sacrifice. They were sending us to the postseason. This was cemented at the top of the ninth and final inning, when Antonio Wallace, originally of the Thieves, later a Talker, and finally a victim of Ruby Tuesday, stared out from behind Esme’s eyes.

They struck out looking. One last sacrifice, one last push to carry on. We were going to the postseason, and it was no longer about anything so simple as pride or victory. We were doing it for York.

Our first round of the postseason saw us up against the Baltimore Crabs, long-standing forces of nature in the Blaseball community. We beat them three games to zero, cementing our second ever progression to the third round of the Postseason. This came with an imposing hurdle, however: we were up against the Yellowstone Magic, bearers of 0 No Blood, the bane of our pitching rotation. We had only won two of the nine games that we played against them during the regular season. We expected to go down against them, and hard, particularly when they entered the third game of the series up two wins versus our one. It was a Black Hole game. We scored 10 runs and looped, and lost, but weren’t out of the championship yet. We still teetered on the edge, 2-1. And then we won, with Curry Aliciakeys, their most formidable pitcher, on the mound.

And then we won again. We were in the finals for the very first time.

We were staring down the Tacos, making their second of two total playoff appearances, who had their own reason to want the title. Wyatt Quitter, originally of the Tacos, had been reduced to Static on day 99 of the regular season. Quitter was a victim of many firsts: Their name the result of the first Wyatt Masoning, they were first player shelled as a result of weather, first Honey Roasted player to shell an opponent, and the first Receiver to receive the Echo modification borne by the Wyatt Masons of the second Wyatt Masoning (brought forth by the PsychoAcoustics ballpark renovation option). Their fate – while still ultimately unknown – was a tragic one.

We both had reasons to want to win, and good ones at that. 

We swept game one, 6-0. Game two saw us in the precarious position of having Bright Zimmerman – an unfortunate Feedback swap with the Pies in the prior season – on the mound. He is our weakest pitcher, and carries with him his own mythos: seemingly, he is impossible to get rid of once he joins your rotation. The Pies had been trying and failing to shake him for twelve seasons prior. Our own attempts to Revoke him at the end of Season 13 failed, much to our chagrin. He has been characterized as a heel, to more of a degree than Tillman really ever was, though for a smaller audience. Tillman we loved to hate, but Bright we simply hate.

[Editor’s Note: Moist Talker fans later realized their wish to wash away Zimmerman, who was Revoked in the Season 14 Elections.]

Again, we expected to lose. Then, we saw the forecast: Flooding. Our element put us “under pressure” per the High Pressure Blessing that we won at the end of the last season, and had propelled us headlong to where we stood now. We dared to hope. This game was closer, but we claimed our second victory, with a final score of 8-5.

While this win carried with it its own sense of irony, it was not in and of itself crucial to the narrative – until we considered the fact that it left our only remaining original Talker pitcher, Greer Lott, to pitch our third playoff game. She is one of only two non-alternate original players remaining on our roster and, we hoped, she would be the one to grant us what had seemed so out of reach for so long: Our first championship title. With Greer on the mound, we claimed it. 

With that victory, the sim signed off on one chapter of many, and gave the story of York Silk an end we had hoped for, but were also prepared to write differently. It brought together two teams – Talkers and Fridays – to celebrate one victory. For York. It is moments like these that instill ritual, oral tradition, and in a very bleak game, that sense of hope. It’s why we tend to see the sim as something greater than the sum (math joke intentional) of its parts. We wish for victory in hushed tones, afraid that it will catch wind and deny us. But sometimes it doesn’t, and that arguably tells a more compelling tale for the scarcity of those moments.

In an ever-shifting story, players and fans alike evolve. Rituals too. Maybe next season, I’ll watch a few games. I’ll do it for York. 

The post Ritual, Narrative, and Championships with the Moist Talkers appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

A low season run total doesn’t mean a team will miss the Playoffs. But does require them to be efficient in where they score those runs.

Late in Season 3, a few days before the end of the regular season, the Canada Moist Talkers were closing out a series hosted at their home stadium, the Gleek Arena, against the dominant Hades Tigers. The Tigers, who had been enjoying a nearly 20-win lead on the rest of the teams in the Evil League, had been essentially guaranteed a Postseason Birth since Day 84, when they shut down the Hellmouth Sunbeams in a 3-0 series at Sixth Circle Stadium. 

The Moist Talkers, however, were in a diffefrent position. They had caught up to the Philly Pies on Day 90, with the Breckenridge Jazz Hands right on their tails. The three teams had been in a battle to ensure their spots in the Evil League Postseason. While the Moist Talkers had pulled ahead of the Pies, they had run into some trouble against the Tigers on the brink of securing their spot.

In Game 1, on Day 94, Dunlap Figueroa was a stone wall (as they had been all season), only allowing 3 batters on base and 1 run. The star-studded Tigers lineup, meanwhile, drove in 4 runs early against Moist Talkers veteran pitcher Ortiz Morse, then proceeded to add insult to injury and score 13 runs in the last third of the game.

Game 2, on Day 95, saw Mooney Doctor put up a solid defense, but the Tigers lineup took an early lead and carried it to victory, with Famous Owens pitching to a Moist Talkers lineup still having trouble and only able to score 1 run.

Game 3 of the series, on Day 96, was looking dire for the Moist Talkers. Their lead against the Pies in the standings had vanished, and the Jazz hands were still on their tail. They were fortunate enough to be facing Nagomi Meng, one of the Tiger’s weaker pitchers, but the Moist Talkers would need more than that to secure their playoff position. That’s when a recent recruit stepped up to the plate: PolkaDot Patterson, Maxed in the Season 1 Election and fresh off a trade from the Baltimore Crabs in the Season 2 Elections. Let’s see the linescore for the game:

Yep. The Moist Talkers played like a team hungry for the playoffs. This game secured the Moist Talker’s position in the Season 3 Evil League, where they would eventually lose to their seasonal rivals the Pies, but their performance over this series is a clue to something special. This Season for the Moist Talkers is #9 in our series of Top 10 Lowest Scoring Postseason-Eligible Seasons in Blaseball History (at time of writing, Seasons 1 to 12).

Here we see the Moist Talkers’ cumulative runs over the course of the season, plotted against that Season’s champs – the Hades Tigers. The Moist talkers drove in almost 200 fewer runs than the Tigers while still earning their place at a title run. 

Let’s talk about efficiency. The Moist Talkers scored an average 4.27 Runs per Game, which is in the bottom half of the League that season and the lowest in the playoffs. 

Now let’s flip that on its head and talk about those Runs per Win. In terms of efficiency, a lower number here is good – it means the team can build a Win Object with much fewer runs than their competition. The Moist Talkers built their Wins on an average 5.6 Runs, beating out the Miami Dale for third best in the entire League.

In this series, I’m assigning each game a Wasted Run count. Essentially, this is runs that don’t directly contribute to a win. Anything over the necessary margin of victory is wasted, and any runs scored in a loss are wasted. If you’re curious about my reasoning, please check out Part 1 of this series. 

So how many Wasted Runs did the Moist Talkers score? Across their season, they wasted about 240 of the 423 runs they actually scored. This is the lowest in the ILB that season amongst teams that made the Playoffs, and the 6th lowest overall. 

Let’s check that out by day.

On the good end, the Moist Talkers racked up 20 Optimal Games, or Games with a Wasted Runs score of 0 – which ties them with the Unlimited Tacos for most in the league. For the Tacos, 8 of those were wins, but the Moist Talkers were able to secure over half of their Optimal Games as wins. We can see those games hugging the bottom of the Wasted Runs chart. 

Let’s drill in to that big dip – Between Days 64 and 68, the Moist Talkers scored EXACTLY as many runs as they needed to in a double series against the Seattle Garages (both hosted at the Gleek Arena and all 6 games won by the Moist Talkers) and continued the streak to the next series. The Moist Talkers won the first game of the series by exactly one point, won by extra points in the next two games, then won 3 consecutive games by exactly 1 point, and in their next game against the Tigers they recorded a scoreless loss, then an Optimal Win. This definitely isn’t some fluke – in half that double series, the Garages weren’t allowed to score, and across the 6 games three of the Moist Talkers rotation pitched not just Optimal Games but Optimal Wins. PolkaDot Patterson did it TWICE.

…and less impressive but still a part of the streak:

And they would come back and finish the streak with another Optimal Win:

But what about those spikes in the chart? Ironically, those tend to be blowouts, things we normally wouldn’t think of as bad. Their biggest offenders in this category were two games against the Dale in two separate series (Day 33 and Day 83), in which they posted double digit wins (10 to 4 and 11 to 6, respectively). Their biggest draw on Wasted Runs actually brings us back to the story of their playoff race and their eventual loss in the Evil League Semi-Finals. On Day 3, when they were 1 win, 1 loss against the Philly Pies (the team that would knock them out of the Postseason), they closed out that opening series of the season by trouncing the Pies, 13 to 4. 

I guess karma would come back around in the end, huh? 

This article was made possible with the wonderful tools created and maintained by the folks at the Society for Internet Blaseball Research – check out:

• Chronicler API – https://docs.sibr.dev/docs/apis/reference/Chronicler.v1.yaml
• Reblase – reblase.sibr.dev (Thanks @AReblase!)
• Blaseball Line Score Tool – linescore.sibr.dev
• Blaseball Reference – blaseball.reference.com
• And of course, the Blaseball Wiki – blaseball.wiki

RUNNING LOW:

-PART 1: THE SEASON 7 MEXICO CITY WILD WINGS
-PART 2: THE SEASON 3 CANADA MOIST TALKERS
-PART 3: COMING SOON
-PART 4: COMING SOON
-PART 5: COMING SOON
-PART 6: COMING SOON
-PART 7: COMING SOON
-PART 8: COMING SOON
-PART 9: COMING SOON
-PART 10: COMING SOON

The post Running Low: Part 2 – The Season 3 Canada Moist Talkers appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

The season was going well for the Canada Moist Talkers two-thirds of the way through the returning season of Blaseball after the Grand Siesta. Sitting at a record of 38-26, the Moist Talkers were sitting on top of the Mild Low Division and coming off of an impressive 6-2 win against the Houston Spies. The team was in high hopes as talks of making the playoffs began to rise within the locker room.

With only 35 games left, the Moist Talkers were in track for amazing finish with powerhouse hitter and top idol York Silk and their star pitcher PolkaDot Patterson leading the charge. Then, trouble started to brew as the Moist Talkers lost their next five games — which included as series to in-division rivals the Hawai’i Fridays.

The Moist Talkers weren’t worried as they had their skids before earlier in the season, but they always bounced back with a winning streak that would make up for their losses. Coming into an all-important series with the Philly Pies, the team was determined to bounce back and set their eyes of keeping hold of the Mild Low lead.

However this seemed to not be the case as they would lose that series, as well, including a magnificent third game with the Moist Talkers looping during a Black Hole taking a win from the Pies, and coming close to winning the game, as well, but sadly they fell short, 4-3, bringing their losing streak to eight games. They lost the following game to the New York Millennials, during which the Moist Talkers had to release a press statement as fans began to bring murmurs of trades and restructuring.

Frustrations were running really high as the team decided to hold a players-only meeting after that third loss. No one knows what was said during this meeting, but yelling could be heard from the room that they were in and accusations were flying left and right from the team. The meeting that was supposed to bring together only seemed to divide them apart as they kept losing and the streak reach an all-time high of 11 games being swept by the Mills.

Now murmurs turned into shouts as fans demanded something to be done as their beloved team slipped to a record of 38-37 losing their lead of the top of the Mild Low Division. Luckily, the cries of the fans rallied the team together and the won their next four games and dug themselves a little bit out of the hole they’ve dug … but the damage was done.

Even with all the effort the Talkers gave in their final 24 games of the season, they fell short of the playoffs to the Seattle Garages for the final spot and were not chosen for the wild card spot with a final record of 54-44. This season was one the Moist Talkers would never forget, as they controlled their own destiny and the playoffs were within their grasp, and because of the losing streak, they fell short. To this day, there are many who ask what if … what if we just won one game or didn’t loop just one of those times … would they have made the playoffs?

The post The 11 Games That Cost the Canada Moist Talkers the Season 12 Playoffs appeared first on Blaseball News Network.