Blaseball News Network existed for many reasons and to do many things. We started with spitposting on Twitter and grew dramatically to include creative writing, live event reporting, broadcasting, and community engagement. While we didn’t do any of this perfectly, we hope everyone had a good time, and maybe even learned something about reporting and journalism along the way.

Before we get into the submitted blurbs, a moment to reflect and appreciate everyone who helped made BNN incredible. Cal, who started BNN, grew the Beancord, and defined where journalism would exist within the community of Blaseball. To Em, Firewall, Lucky, and the many other wonderful editors we’ve had that have been so critical in how we operated. To the broadcasters and podcasters, JoeyTBadger especially, we see the effort and passion that you had and wish there’d been more we did with you all. To our wonderful writers and contributors, too many of you to name, who had the beautiful creativity and work ethic to make the content that we proudly posted on this site, we exist because of all of you. To all of you, we say thank you for everything.

We’d also like to recognize the different organizations around Blaseball that did so much to organize and structure the community at large. First and foremost, everyone at SIBR (forever pronounced SIBR), not only for their hard work and dedication to data, data crimes, and data knowledge, but also their direct support of BNN, which is too much to list out here as is. The Wiki team that’s gone through so much to help document the cultural event that was Blaseball, their on the spot updating of not just Blaseball itself, but the many stories and sections of player information that the community came up with was incredibly hard work. Praise should also be given to the team communities, Captains, those who managed the Sidecords, and the unrecognized community leaders. We see the effects of the hard work you put in and want to make sure you know that you’re greatly appreciated.

We’ll start with community submissions from across the BNN and Blaseball community, then give our regular contributors a section, and conclude with our staff and former staffs thoughts. Let’s do this!

Dantesheperd – they/them – On Instagram @dante.shepherd – Boston Flowers fan

Blaseball was many, many things to me.

Blaseball was a sports fandom I could care about and not have to be angered by greedy team management.

Blaseball was a community that was given free reign on the creative backstory of all the teams and players – and while that could have ended up disastrous, the community created an overwhelmingly queer space that was welcoming in its own existence.

Blaseball was an individual creative outlet – whether it be making up a backstory about an old man that adopted children and punched moose, or whether it be developing names for all the birds that nested in the ballpark – that in its own way reinforced both fandom and community.

Blaseball was other individual creative outlets – with endless other backstories, art, music, fiction, podcasts – that provided more fandom and community. Blaseball was a team creative outlet – with chants, songs, cliches, curses – that further reinforced fandom and community.

Blaseball was a cultural event that was its own moment, and also could have continued on. Weeds to that.

Blaseball was one of the best sports fandoms I’ve ever experienced. I don’t care that the players were 1s and 0s. They could be legitimately uplifting and just as easily break my heart. And I could feel that along with others.

I will dearly miss blaseball because I no longer have those 1s and 0s to care about, and because those 1s and 0s held together that community. The end of blaseball breaks both the fandom and the community. We will inevitably head off in different directions, and will no longer have those characters and those creative opportunities to reunite us as we were. And that in itself is heartbreaking, despite all the uplifting experiences we had before now.

There is no crying in baseball, but there is plenty to cry about in Blaseball today.

DoctorSawbones – they/them – Boston Flowers fan

I first learned of Blaseball from a friend during the season 3 siesta. The pitch was wild, feverish, and exciting. I was instantly hooked. The conception of SCORES BASERUNNER, who I helped in creating a lot of the characterization of, had to be my favorite moment. I ran their twitter RP for a long time. She was my darling. Those days will be with me forever.

My name is Griffin and I am a communication researcher at a southern California university. Blaseball was something that came about right at the beginning of my career as a researcher and has left an indelible mark on who I am today. I have encountered no other space as queer and collaborative as the fans of the splort, and being exposed to this space has informed my research interests into queer and gender communication.

Blaseball was important. It provided a space where those typically shunned from regular sports spaces could congregate and cheer for players we could imagine to be just like us, however strange and unusual we were. It was a mirror held up against the world to show how outlandish and absurd it was in its horror. It was a place where, no matter where you were from, we could all be unified in one thought: We are ALL love Blaseball.

It was an unfathomable moment. A point in time we will never quite get back. It was incredible. It was unbelievable. It was there, and then it wasn’t. My heart cannot contain the joy and sorrow. There’s just too much.

Matik – he/him – On Twitter @matik452002 – Dallas Steaks and Core Mechanics fan

My friend told me about Blaseball, showed a video of how it works, ended up joining ahead of Season 5 start. Waking up to find out Dallas Steaks pulled off a Sun 2 loop to win the season 16 championship was my favorite Blaseball memory. That and the time when the Steaks made their ballpark the smallest in the league.

Possum – they/any – Yellowstone Magic fan

Blaseball itself never existed. It was never a thing that could be pointed to, it was never an object that could be held. It was only through the relationships between the people, the spaces they occupied, their work, and their love for the game that what we had could come to be. Blaseball started with humble seeds and from the tending of thousands it emerged into something eldritch and wonderful. It truly was a cultural event. I am glad to have participated in it. I will miss it dearly.

As above, so below.

New York Millennials Splortscaster – he/him – On Twitter @NYMSplortscast – NY Millennials and Canada Moist Talkers fan

There is this story. It’s about the existence of a game that was growing in popularity as it continued to build itself up. New rules were added. New mechanics were introduced. Lore was continuously added. Stats were getting wildly out of control. Fans became exhausted and overwhelmed. The game grew and grew until it ultimately consumed itself in a black hole, ending the narrative with a moral. A tale of extreme excess destroying what was built. The developers wanted to create a narrative about how too much would inevitably cause the game to collapse.

The expansion era of Blaseball was oddly a prophecy fulfilled. Blaseball tried to reinvent itself, build something grander in scale. With the third era of Blaseball, the Coronation Era, new rules were added. New Mechanics were introduced. Lore was immediately being added. Stats began to grow. Fans began to get a taste of what was to come.

And then it stopped.

To this day I am thankful it existed. Like many others, it came at a time when folks really needed something to cling onto. It formed communities that will outlast Blaseball itself. It inspired folks to create. Most importantly, it helped folks like myself through difficult times. Seeing the end of something that has been inspiring is not exactly the best thing in the world, but all things must come to an end, good or bad. I am forever grateful it happened when it did. I’ve met wonderful people. I’ve seen some amazing content. I’ve created some questionably good content. I’ve watched communities grow and blossom.

I hate to see you go, Blaseball, I really do. I hope everyone affected finds their next projects fulfilling and the communities they are in continue to blossom.

Misella – she/her – Canada Moist Talkers fan

I discovered Blaseball through an article, I think it was, I honestly can’t recall. It’s also hard to say my favorite moment. Already I know that when I look back on Blaseball what comes to mind isn’t so much all the weird horror and amazing moments and plays, it’s not even really the community – a community so potent it gave me a renewed hope in humanity. What actually comes to mind is having this bizarre thing to check in on every day. To poke around with and watch games. No matter what else was going on it was always there. It belonged to everyone but it was also mine.

Sky – he/him or they/them – On Twitter @TheSkyDomain (18+) – Yellowstone Magic fan

It was once a beautiful place. Many people and animals roaming around in harmony. Bears always not too far away, and neither was moss.

It was once a magical place. You could feel the hum of energy always around and stirring. Energy not able to be perceived.

It was once a lively place. Games were never dull and never tiring, always playing on and on. Sometimes it would not end.

It was once a entertaining place. Jokes always being made, schemes being concocted with “evil” intent. Others looked on with bemusement.

It was once a kind place. There was always a special soul waiting around the corner to help you or cheer you up. You were never alone.

The Yellowstone National Parkpark was all of these things, and even now, at the end of it all… it will still be these things. Even after the game ends, even after we have to say goodbye to what which brought us together, the Parkpark will still live on. We will always welcome new visitors to our lovely park, we will always give them a tour of what is here, and we will always keep laughing. No matter what, the Yellowstone Magic will survive. And we will be here always for anyone who wants to join us. As Above, So Below.

Now is the time though. For us say goodbye to the game we love, but its not really goodbye to me. It is The Eternal Siesta. So go to sleep.

Matt, Battorney at lol – he/they – On Twitter @thekillergm – Seattle Garages fan

I read online article about sometime midway through season 2. Sounded weird and a little funny, so I figured I’d check it out to see what would happen. I was born a Garage and I’ll die a Garage. My favorite Blaseball memories were either the time we killed the Coin or the first time the Garages went to the playoffs. Both were must affairs for lots of folks watching Blaseball during those times. The end of the Expansion Era was like a splorts Ragnarok, a fantastic messy culmination of months of weird mechanics collapsing in on themselves. But it wasn’t quite as personally sweet as watching my beloved underdog Garages finally get their due and step up to the big stages after missing playoffs for the early Discipline Era.

Nenkaii – xe/they – On Twitter @Nen-kaii – Core Mechanics fan

My favorite memory was watching a Blaseball spinoff TTRPG called Blittle League, I still doodle the characters sometimes. Thank you, Blaseball. I was able to join a community that could rally together for a silly little online game. I made some wonderful friends and some wonderful art. I made a tabletop game out of it. I got to pitch in for the stories. I got my friends into it and I watched matches and cheered for my team and it’s really so wonderful to say I was a part of that.

RevolverRossalot – he/him – On Youtube @SixSidedVice – Kansas City Breath Mints fan

Plansma – the unlicensed transfer of Uncle Plasma from the Mills to the Mints, had to be my favorite moment. Both the audacity of using the confluence of have mechanics to make it work, the narrow window of mass coordination and the mad week preparing a video explaining it in time for the election results. Maximum hubris!

Woosh – they/xe – New York Millennials fan

I found Blaseball in early October of 2020, at the age of 16. Still recovering from a dark moment in my life, I dived right in, choosing my home team, the New York Millennials, and becoming acquainted with the game as a whole and the fans that made it what it was. Forever I will be grateful to this game and the people who introduced it to me, because I don’t know where or who I’d be without it. 

Blaseball was an opportunity for me to put my whole creative soul into a project without fear of backlash. The more I involved myself in the game and the mills, the more I felt connected to myself as an artist and as a person. I was able to ignite passions that had laid dormant for years out of sheer love for a team, and through those passions I was led to people who have fundamentally changed my life. From a silly idea in Wyattcord to a discord call in Millscord, I was led to Fourth Strike and The Garages (band), some of the most inspiring people in my life. I continued to be passionate about this game while being able to intertwine it with the things I did in real life. I made my own music for the first time, gaining knowledge and advice from people I will remember forever. I grew into someone that I never thought I could be, and someone I am happy to be, and I could not be more thankful to this community for making me into who I am.

Now, at 18, the dawn of a new stage of my life arising, I sit here and think about everyone who made my life so meaningful for so long. While the fandom doesn’t plan on going anywhere, I still want to take the time to be sappy and give my gratitude to those who deserve it. Thank you to Aubz, Dae and Tim, the wonderful moderators of Wyattcord, my home for the past 2 years, as well as everyone in that sidecord for being my friends. Thank you to Astrid, who encourages me everyday to continue thinking blorbo thoughts, and Louisa, who gave me the invite into just what I needed. Thank you to everyone in Fourth Strike for being such great band mates, collaborators, and friends, through all the ups and downs we’ve faced. Thank you to the mills and the reps of Millscord—Amelia, Carc, Rudy, Antenna, EDVA, Al, Salt, Erobo, and everyone else who has taken the mantle—for being the greatest gayest middling team in the league. Thank you to Solar and Aquelon for introducing this game to me all those years ago. And most of all, thank you to The Game Band for investing in a dream and creating this game. I wish everyone who worked there a bright and successful future; I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. 

The game may be over, but this community will never die.

Ella/Ellightened – she/they – On Twitter @Ellightened – Mexico City Wild Wings, Tokyo Lift, and Seattle Garages fan

I was first introduced to the splort about two years ago by another fan. I remember way back then when someone else mentioned it to me but I never got into it until back in 2021. It’s hard to pick a favorite moment because there’s quite a few, both from the sim itself and the community. Season 24 will always hold a special place in my heart because it encapsulated that chaos of Blaseball that I anticipated so much, especially going back and seeing how other fans of the game reacted as well. It definitely felt like the ‘peak’ of Blaseball’s runtime, at least to me, with how active the community was even afterwards. My favorite community memory has to be the 2022 Blasetober I participated in, that was awesome. I love drawing and Blaseball allowed me to really nurture that passion into something more spectacular, and Blasetober in particular let me draw numerous players who I never thought about at all until then.

It’s sad to see it go out like this. I met so many people through it including my partner, and I doubt I’ll ever stop thinking about Blaseball, the iconic cast, the music, and the fanbase for months to come.

Vaporstrike19 / ChiBlaseball Hydra Head #3 – he/him – On Twitch as Vaporstrike19 – Chicago Firefighters, Hawaii Fridays, Mexico City Wild Wings, Hades Sunbeams, and Baltimore Crabs fan

I think I discovered Blaseball through Twitter art and general zeitgeist. My favorite moment was almost certainly the cursed lunchables (I am the lunchable admin) or the Onions. Both are just, a weird way of our community coming together. Oh, and of course our Championship win!

GriffinsTreehouse – he/him – On Twitter @GriffsTreehouse – Miami Dale and Baltimore Crabs fan

In 2021, when I cosplayed The Anchor, was my favorite moment. I had really enjoyed the Roundups and decided it would be a fun way to kill some lockdown time. Then, lo and behold, I received a message from the Roundup Twitter: I was being invited to have a small guest spot on the next Roundup as the “Backup Anchor”. A deeply surreal call with Quinns (a longtime nerdy hero of mine) later, and I filmed it in my kitchen, my mother holding the camera. Being neuro divergent and deeply hyper fixated on the game, I was already deep in the community. I had made friends, and found so much joy in such a weird and tricky time – especially since I had just figured out I was trans at the top of COVID, and Blaseball was one of the first big, largely queer communities I had been in.

Then, the night of the Roundup’s release happened.

I felt like the people around me in the community had lifted me up and crowd surfed me. It was joyous. I had gotten to play a tiny role in something that meant, and will mean, more to me than almost any other piece of media – and I had been embraced by this wonderful, weird, vibrant, nerdy community. Other highlights include staying up until 2am my time to watch my beloved Dale win (lose) the Underchampionship, sitting on my lunchbreak with my best friend in our matching Dale/Tigers jackets after I dragged her in too (in blatant disregard of our school uniform), and screaming with hundreds of people on Discord as Parker was released. Blaseball changed my life, and I will be forever grateful to the incredible people who made it, and the entire community of fans.

Thevdude – he/him – Moist Talkers, Miami Dale, and LA Unlimited Tacos fan

A friend introduced me to Blaseball, we used to joke about a text based baseball adventure, zork style, and then got the next best thing. The biggest one for me (and many talkers) was when we got noticed and called out directly by the monitor! It was such a small thing, but also THE BIGGEST THING IN THE WORLD. I honestly still get a little bit of goosebumps thinking about it!

The Blaseseer – any/all – Yellowstone Magic fan

It’s hard to properly explain how much Blaseball meant to me. It’s hard to put into words how it feels knowing it’s gone. But I don’t think Blaseball will ever truly go away until we forget about it. Blaseball is a cultural phenomena, and even with the sim gone, culture lives on. I know Blaseball will live on, somehow, in some different form.

Being a fan of the Yellowstone Magic inspired me to explore a lot of things I wouldn’t have otherwise, most of all divination. As the Blaseseer, I would do a lot of tarot card readings and interpretations as the seasons went on, and even bet on games following the whims of these cards.

In honor of Blaseball’s past, I look to the future. Here is my final reading:

The Hanged Man
The Magician
The Chariot

Anonymous – it/its or she/her – Ohio Worms and Baltimore Crabs fan

I was first introduced to Blaseball by a Twitter mutual at the start of the Expansion Era – they kept posting about it and eventually I had a look and got hooked. Day 99 and what came after of Season 24. 2021, for a series of personal reasons, wasn’t a good year for me and the Blaseball community really helped me get through it.

Sitting in a call in the Blaseball server as the Expansion Era ended, going from the despair of everything that happened prior to the profound upliftment of everything that happened after the Black Hole (Black Hole) nullified Blaseball has stuck with me ever since.

Shield Captain – he/him – On Twitter @ShieldCaptain54 – Core Mechanics fan

When asked how Shield Captain discovered Blaseball, he commented “Bold of you to assume blaseball didn’t find me, funny how the game works huh?”. His favorite memory was Kelvin Drumsolo being on every base at the same time. What a wonderfully jank inning.

Blake “Basard” Georgias – any/all – Atlantis Georgias fan

I found Blaseball through the podcasts on the Moonshot Podcast network (the Orange Groves at the time), that led me to start listening to garages the band music over the first grand siesta, and eventually join in expansion. My favorite memory in Blaseball has to be the moment that the Georgias got a replica of Chorby Soul and used it combined with our Light Handed modifier to rocket up to the top of the depth chart and discover Blaseball 0 and the blagonball, on Maincord we had folks from the entire league in our watch channel watching the event as it happened.

Rebaia – she/her – On Twitter @STARSLNE – Core Mechanics, Boston Flowers, Yellowstone Magic, and Tokyo Lift fan

I’d like to thank TGB for all that blaseballs done for me. I’ve made friends, had plenty of great memories, gotten inspired to work on more creative projects of my own, etc.

I became a fan of Blaseball right before season 16, as a member of the Flowers. I didn’t entirely understand everything that was happening at that time, as I assume is a common sentiment about Blaseball as a whole, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. as seasons went on I began understanding more and more, becoming exponentially more interested in what I initially brushed off as some “weird browser simulation game.” while that may still be an apt description, Blaseball is so much more than those four words. Blaseball was weird, Blaseball was strange, Blaseball was sometimes just nonsense, but Blaseball was always community in some way.

By season 20 I was fully taken in by Blaseball, moving to the mechanics sometime prior to this and growing attached to the characters. I began getting more active in the community, partaking in discussions outside of my small circle and hanging out in sidecords more often. I got inspired to work on my creative skills more seriously. I began considering learning art, I started taking my writing seriously, i started trying to learn music. I can only thank Blaseball
for all of this, and I’m really not sure where I’d be without it.

Blaseball will always have an impact on me and my work, whether consciously or not. I’d be upset with myself for not taking interest in it sooner if I hadn’t gotten so much from it even from the relatively short time I was there. I’ve felt a lot of feelings from it ending, but I think there’s something positive to be said about it too. The whole community is together once again, even if united over a loss. It’s nice to see how many others it’s impacted, and I hope
whoever is reading this feels the same.

It’s sad, it’s frustrating, it’s discouraging, it’s aggravating, it’s any number of negative adjectives. But, on the other hand, it’s inspiring. A project this ambitious, started in the pandemic with many odds stacked against it still managed to gain a following this passionate and large.

Cya around, have a great timezone everybody.

Limabees – he/him – Chicago Firefighters fan

A friend I’ve lost touch with found Blaseball and introduced me to it, just after the introduction of the discipline era. They also mentioned the Firefighters before I chose them and they always felt like a perfect fit. All together. All captains.

The resurrection of Jaylen was definitely my favorite event in Blaseball. It all felt so fresh and nobody had any idea what the rules were or even if there were rules, we just wanted to do it to see if it worked. And oh boy did it work. I love all the coming ways that people would work together to defy gods and make a difference, but there’s something about the innocent desire to fuck shit up on purpose that I have always loved about the community. Yeah, open the book, yeah resurrect the dead, see what happens, see what it’ll let you get away with, see what goes wrong. There was no greater organization behind it, as much as I’m aware, just a bunch of people seeing the path of maximum chaos and diving right in.

Kaye, on behalf of the Spies Bureau of Unity – any/all – Houston Spies fan

Blaseball is dead. Long live the spirit of Blaseball.

Back in late 2020, we began running online versions of the IWW’s Organizer Training 101, a class previously taught exclusively in-person. A few proper IWW organizers in the Spies discord got it started, and word traveled fast enough that people from multiple teams and multiple unions got involved. It might seem odd to tie in unionization and workplace struggles to the bizarre and immaterial world of Blaseball, but really, it just felt like the next logical step to us.

Blaseball started out chaotic, a world of fear and uncertainty. Fans could do little but put in their votes and hope their handful of terrible options would lead to some small improvement in this hellish world…

Then people started making plans. Plans that involved moving hundreds to thousands of fans to act in coordination. Plans that required one specific player to hold at number fourteen on the ever-chaotic idolboard. Plans that changed on the spot, or failed outright, or backfired, or succeeded without achieving anything meaningful. All for a few plans that would go on to become legendary victories. We struggled against all powerful forces from on high, against rules made up just to stifle us, and against the obstacles brought on by the apathy of the thousands who could not be stirred to action.

Blaseball always felt to us like the story of collective action and hope in a universe that felt like it had so little hope to run on. It was no wonder it rang true to the world around us and the struggles we faced every day. It was about stubbornly believing, no matter how often we were told otherwise, that we could make the world better, together.

We ran five total organizer trainings, and almost purely by accident, Season 24 coincided with our fifth, which we advertised by sponsoring the season itself. We were warned that this season would be very unusual, but we couldn’t have guessed how well it would fit. As we watched the finale play out, all the fear and hope and defiance rolling together made the perfect backdrop for the training; and when the teams stood together to charge down the Boss, it felt like a better sponsor tie-in than any we could have suggested.

As Blaseball went on hiatus and in-person trainings resumed, our members slowly got involved in other work. After a brief attempt to regroup for the coronation era fell through, the end of Blaseball marks our official end as well.

Our crew is proud of what we did, and as hopeful as ever for the future. Though we can’t personally train you anymore, we know there are groups all around the world who can help. If you have a nearby IWW branch, we strongly recommend getting involved and looking into attending an in-person Organizer Training 101. If you do not, make do with what resources you can find, whether that’s a different union, or the friends you already have around you. We hope we helped, we hope we changed this strange and beautiful world a bit for the better, and we hope you can take all the lessons you learned from Blaseball, all the passion and hope and unity, and bring it to the world around you.

Caelumsthelimit – xe/xem – On Tumblr @saelumsthelimit – Atlantis Georgias fan

I discovered Blaseball from a friend. My favorite memory was when the Georgias and the Ohio Worms both got Chorbies and shot up and down. The Worms broke the gate and the Georgias went to the desert and everyone was screaming in the Georgias channels.

CosmicDuctTape – he/his/him – On Twitter @YesIAmMackenzie – Core Mechanics and Canada Moist Talkers fan

At times I find it hard to believe that I have been participating in the cultural event of Blaseball since season 2, and yet…

I will remember trying to make sense of this game, how to bet and actually earn enough money and tickets, these solar eclipses, these rogue umpires, all these fiery deaths.

I will remember my time with the Canada Moist Talkers, chosen because I’m Canadian and naturally there was only one Canadian team, and how I found myself rooting for Eugenia Garbage and Polkadot Patterson, and coming to love my best friend Richmond Harrison – in my heart he’s still a Talker.

I will remember the discussions about necromancy, and the excitement when the community pulled it off – followed of course by neither the first nor the last time we would experience “consequences”.

I will remember Day X… I’m not sure I will ever forget Day X. Day X remains one of Blaseball’s best surprises: an idea so incredibly bonkers and yet they managed to pull it off.

I will remember when the Core Mechanics descended, and suddenly there was this neat team with an incredible name and I wasn’t feeling disconnected and drifting away from Blaseball anymore.

I will remember the early days of Core Mechanics worldbuilding, filling out and creating this fantastical realm where the only agreed-upon constant was that it was down, no matter where we were.

I will remember that even with the intent of an aesthetically maximalist creative inclusive community, that there were people who did not feel their place could be in the Core, and I hope they found their people elsewhere, and I hope they would still be welcomed Down.

I will remember the coordination that led to events like the Zo-Yo, and becoming the first non-Crabs Breach team to win a Championship (and then we managed to build back and win another one).

I will remember all the times our team was torn asunder, including the election that left our beloved team nigh-unrecognizable… and every time, amidst the grief, “We Can Fix This”.

I will remember listening to We All Lift Together over and over and over, committing its words to memory, joining in the chanting, starting the chanting, playing this song while I was actually on strike and walking the picket line.

I will remember that we made the Core this mysterious, unknowable, outright dangerous locale, and then within it we built a community that said “we will learn what we can, we will learn how to protect ourselves, and we will write it all down and we will teach each other and we will help each other grow and make something good here”.

I will remember the connections I have made, the games we have played, the shows we have watched, the media recommendations we have shared and bonded over, the jokes we have told, and none of that can be taken from me and none of that is going anywhere.

Gear up. Core down. Mechs Good. Forever.

Eight Giant/Sparkle Emoji Mort – he/him – Yellowstone Magic fan

Just delighting in the absurdity of the system before the plot started was really amazing. I just straight up talked people’s ears off about it and the sheer sense of potential there was. In terms of more major memories – seeing people band together to advocate for the Tacos shelling their entire pitching line was just buoyant, honestly. The effort people put into the propaganda, and checking the website regularly to see how it was going… and I ended up writing an essay for my class about the narrative building that went with the number 14 revival.

Crownedpigeon – he/him – On Twitter @Crownedpigeon – Miami Dale and Seattle Garages fan

Blaseball gave a trans kid below the bible belt hope. Blaseball gave a trans kid in Florida hope.

I started to step into the game during this past summer, I watched Fall Balls between reading news articles and reading legislation. I got two seasons of an incredibly broken site and they were spectacular. I cheered for double spillovers and I ran wild in the immensely fun, immensely broken Sim that kept bringing us together in these games.

Then we went onto Siesta. Then I began writing and drawing again – crafting and creating over a shared love of this game. I still fought. I still lived my real life, scared and angry all the same. I wrote about queer and trans joy. I saw queer and trans joy. I got to see this community so amazingly queer and transgender and beautiful. I got to see a community about sports, something that made me nervous about inclusion (despite my own love of real sport) welcome me with open arms.

The Miami Dale, The Seattle Garages, and every team in this league brought me hope. Keep fighting and keep your head up. In the place of fighting against gods fictionally, we will continue to fight against oppressive power structure in our real world. Radical acceptance, radical change, brought on by us. Together. You got this. We all do.

Many teams, one league. See you on the flip side.

Slimebo – she/her – On Twitter @CoolSwagWoman – Canada Moist Talkers and Ohio Worms fan

I’m honestly so destroyed by the ending of Blaseball being like this. Massive thanks to basically everyone on the Ohio Worms, I enjoyed reading through your messages (Even if I was barely present in the community) Thanks to Alt League Blaseball & Ludoplane, Both of those servers are great and have great communities around them. Credits to anyone who interacted with me on Twitter in the expansion era. Blaseball meant a lot to everyone and I’m sorry it had to end like this. Hopefully the future is better for all of us. Hopefully I’ll see y’all around.

Dimitri – he/him – Hellmouth Sunbeams fan

I got started with Blaseball during the Coffee Cup. As usual, a friend got into it and dragged the rest of us along. I fell in love with the concept immediately.

Scouring the wiki after the Cup, I knew I wanted to find a team I would be happy with. Sure, it was possible to switch later if I so desired, but I knew that I would have more fun if I found one that spoke to me and stuck with them through thick and thin, and sure enough one presented itself to me. The Hellmouth Sunbeams. As a native resident of Southern Utah my entire life, and having been a fan of Welcome to Night Vale for some years prior, this strange otherworldly desert spoke to my heart and soul. The strangeness and danger of the landscape surrounding the Hellmouth, the adaptations residents found themselves undergoing that helped them survive, the unnatural pull towards Home that every Hellmouth resident feels, even the distinction between Archery and Bowyeurism stuck deep into my heart as something I immediately cherished. I hadn’t been around when the lore was written, and I’m certain I never learned all of it, but it immediately felt like home. Perhaps I too was starting to feel that strange pull, destined to become a part of Hellmouth as Hellmouth became a part of me.

I was never very active in community spaces. Blasecord, the Solarium, the Starburst Alliance, all of them simply felt too large. Too frightening. I’ve never done well in massive group chats, so I hung back and lurked, placed them deep down on my server list and only checked in on occasion. I’d see how the voting was going, what strategies everyone felt was appropriate. I’d drop in on the watch parties and hope they wouldn’t crash my computer when something absolutely monumental happened, and that was about it. But my friends and I put together our own space, a single channel in our private group Discord where we’d watch and chat about the game. We spent plenty of time rooting for teams to win in the playoffs, fondly regarding our respective teams as rivals and allies, and talking about how Richmond Harrison was our best friend. It was some of the best times I’ve ever had, and even from our corner the sense of community and mystery was palpable.

I’m sad to see Blaseball go, and I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same. For the last couple of years I’ve been happily proclaiming my place of residence as “Hellmouth, Utah” on various websites, and a part of me will never leave it. I will always fondly remember the stories that happened before I signed up and the stories I watched unfold before my eyes side-by-side as the most fun I’ve ever had on the internet. I doubt anything will ever truly fill this void again, but I’ll keep an eye around regardless. This community is nothing but resilient, and someday someone will open up another league that will get some deserved attention, whether it’ll Blaseball or some other splort.

This isn’t goodbye, it’s only goodbye for now. I believe we’ll all see each other again someday soon, and when that day comes we’ll all be celebrating together. For now, go to sleep, it’s time to rest. And when you rise again always remember that no matter where you are, you can stare into the sun and know that I’m there beside you, staring into the very same star.

Simon Mangomancer – he/him and vil/vils/vilself – Miami Dale, Mexico City Wild Wings, Chicago Firefighters fan

It’s been so long I don’t remember, but I probably discovered Blaseball from reddit? it was the first place I joined the community for sure. My favorite moment was the season 7 semifinals. I arrived at the tail end of season 7 and watching that zero to hero story in real time made me lose my mind. So sorry to Miguel Wheeler whose death I prophesied/caused.

Mandible/Mette – she/it – On Twitter @Stemandstomata – Hellmouth Sunbeams fan

God, where do I even begin. When I first saw the announcement I couldn’t believe it – how do you even begin to process that the constant eldritch hum in the background of your life for the past 2 1/2 years has finally gone silent? Blaseball was a lot of things. It was something to look forward to through the tedium of life, it was a mess that took up far too much of my mental energy. It was transient and fleeting, but its spirit will remain for me as long as I live. It sits at the top of the greenest tree, it sends out an aroma of unrefined love… Blaseball was my favorite tinnitus and I’ll miss it dearly.

Thank you to The Game Band for making it worth it even if it didn’t exactly end as anybody had planned. Rest in violence.

ThatWannabeCat – she/it/aer/fir/+ – Philadelphia Pies fan

HitchBOT (https://twitter.com/hitchBOT) is one of those stories that gets brought up when you want to trash talk the US. More specifically if you want to trash talk Philadelphia–a common pastime in Western, Pennsylvania (PA). One day in the Pies discord channel, a discussion about Philadelphia and Philadelphia’s behavior came up prompted by an article. The article itself alluded to the fate of poor HitchBOT, and how cruel Philly was to it. 

A member of the Pies of course had this to offer:

“HitchBOT was a cop and got what was coming to em”. 

To say there was no shame in his words was inaccurate–in fact he was prideful. The quiet kind of pride associated with stock phrases like ‘job well done’ and ‘dinners on me tonight’. There was nothing to hide, and everything to boast about how his city rid the world of yet another cop–this time in cute robot form.

It was this moment that really solidified the Pies’ love for their city for me. The team had previously made it clear from the way their city affected the lore, the team culture, and even the choice to focus more on being a Philadelphia team over a baking team that they loved their city. But it was this moment the local Pies’ love for their own home town infected me too. 

I came to Blaseball because I heard about Jessica Telephone, and evil Peanut gods, but ended up on a sport heavy team that was more about winning than it was creating the deepest and most complex lore. And during the course of my 18 season tenure, I was slowly converted into admiring a city that I had only been in for a 11pm emergency train ride home. 

The Pies never wanted Philly admiration to be an exclusive club, but rather something they wormed into your head till you counted Philly as something like a second home. I know I wasn’t the only one to express that, at least one other member of the Pies admitted to visiting Philly because of the Pies. So while there were plenty of others in simulation, and in community moments that are going to stick with me for years to come, it’s how the Pies got me to appreciate a city I’d never really been in and how infectious their love for Philly sports and culture was.

Oh and death to HitchBOT. That cop had it coming.

Cynthia1960 – She/her/they – Hades Tigers fan

I didn’t officially become a Stripe of the One Tiger until late season 7, but had been following the splort since my wife found it back in season 3 (it might have even been late season 2, but my memory is a sieve). One of the first things I experienced as a full Stripe was Ruby Tuesday. Talk about a baptism in the worst parts of the Underworld, that would be that. There are so many awesome memories I’ve had over these almost three years and it was only enhanced by the collective explosion of art, music, storytelling, and good humor from all around the fandom. The other two biggest memories I have are the season 11 league finals against the Sunbeams where they colluded with black holes and suns to keep us from ascending and break up TIGERBEAMS, and then the full on mad rush at the end of season 24 where we ambushed the Hall of Flame, helped charge the mound to slag the Coin, and then finally rushed madly to the relative safety of the Vault to escape the expanding black hole.

Yeah, I know the Tigers’ motto is Never Look Back, but I think we’ve earned this one. Thank you everyone.

Bogle – he/him – Core Mechanics fan

My friends referenced Blaseball and I dove head first into making new friends with the Mechs. My favorite memory was attending the Bee Wedding as a hip wader wearing starfish with an unbird companion.

LionessElise – any/all – Dallas Steaks fan

Ya know, some of us were talking a few months ago in some Steakscord or other, and I keep thinking about how the only thing that really explains it all to me is that somebody got the time arrow reversed. So the stuff happening this year was actually the beginning of Blaseball, and then the recent stuff was the early not-really-ready-for-beta stuff, and the first year of Blaseball? That was the pinnacle, the real thing, the thing that captured all our hearts. But the time arrow was going the wrong way. When I said this in Twitch chat, somebody responded that it was beautiful, because it means that the Universe knew when we most needed pinnacle Blaseball, and gave it to us.

Slime – it/its – On Twitch as Footcurtis – LA Unlimited Tacos fan

My best friend since third grade introduced me to Blaseball. My favorite memory was Everyone holding hands as the Black Hole took our teams! It was the first time I got to feel Blaseball as a community, and I haven’t looked back since.

Kidror – they/them – On Twitter @Kidror19 – Boston Flowers and Kansas City Breath Mints fan

Coming off an intense finals against the Hellmouth Sunbeams the Boston Flowers are well positi- wait. 

This is not my beautiful power rankings. 

This is not my beautiful season recap.

Letting the days go by, was easier with Blaseball. I stumbled onto it at a much needed point in my life, my mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the space of the few days between my birthday and hers, in March of 2020. 

I found Blaseball in November of that same year, the night before the Coffee Cup and it was love at first sight. There was never anything like it, and there may never be again.

I started writing for BNN pretty much as soon as the Expansion Era began. I recapped every season from the perspective of my beloved Boston Flowers and participated in the power rankings with accuracy and precision (sometimes). Sadly I never had the chance to write for my beloved Breath Mints.

I’ll miss this place, the people, and this game terribly, but at least my aim is getting better. People always ask us “where is BNN?” and it’s time to tell you the truth, BNN is in your heart.

Now, for the last time, I will sign off, and for probably the last time Google Docs will tell me I mean baseball when I type Blaseball. Yep, right on time.

Goodnight Sweet Blaseball, I love you.

Agent Kit – ey/em – On Twitter @agent_kit_ – Houston Spies fan

I discovered Blaseball thanks to a Polygon article from season 2, and loved the Donia Bailey voting collective. Blaseball was a huge part of my life for two years, and was my first introduction to the stress that comes from your Team losing in the finals. I really don’t know where I’ll go from here, but I will for sure think of this time fondly. Thanks for all your hard work TGB, rest in peace, for once, not violence.

IfhBiff – he/him – Ohio Worms and Hades Tigers fan

I’ve thought about this for several days and I couldn’t quite decide what direction I should go with this. I mostly wanted to say what so many others have said. But then it kind of hit me the other day… Blaseball gave me back my professional pride. In a environment where so many other fans have spoken about this community helping blossom their passion for artistic endeavors (and I know this is an “art is subjective” topic as well, but not the point here), I’m here to say that Blaseball helped get my career back on track, gave me renewed confidence, success, and helped me find my mentoring voice that has allowed me to be where I am today.

I am older than the average Blaseball fan. On my 50th birthday, I was an out of work Data Engineer, with job prospects being just terrible during the pandemic. My last job was supposed to be my “last job”; I had visions of being there for another decade and then deciding when to retire. But the last few years of that company ripped apart my soul; I went from being an early employee who helped shape the way the database and entire data process was being to a castaway; I was “sold” with a team that was considered dispensable to another company who immediately made me feel worthless and unskilled.

But with Blaseball came SIBR. And with SIBR came the very early days of the Datablase. And the Datablase needed a volunteer. And hey, I know SQL…

I became the primary architect of that Datablase for the entirety of its life cycle. I worked with so many other brilliant SIBR Data Witches, but also eased many, many others into the world of SQL and data querying. It turned out I wasn’t so unskilled after all. And when two separate people sent me beautiful messages on Discord to thank me for all the help; how their time using the Datablase helped hone their data skills to the point it helped them gain employment, I realized that hey, I may be OK with this mentoring thing.

My current position started during the first Grand Siesta. I am now the manager of a growing, brilliant team of Data Engineers; two of whom are essentially just starting out in this industry. And I help them. And they also do amazing work, just like the Data Witches do. And when I wrote a matching algorithm that used hashing to dramatically improve a process, the CTO sought me out to praise it.

I’m here to admit to all of you: it was based on how the SIBR Datablase checked for changes in any player stats.

Also: As great as that felt, I still felt more pride when The Anchor used my Chorby Short data during the Round Up.

Thank you Blaseball, and thank you all.

Dargo – any pronouns – Houston Spies, Hades Tigers, and Kansas City Breath Mints fan

Well well well, if it isn’t the end of the road, I don’t have anything very witty or interesting to say. I loved most of my time in Blaseball, I hated some of it, and to all the BNN readers who enjoyed my power rankings blurbs – thank you. See y’all on the other side.

Mal/Kae – they/them – Yellowstone Magic, Hellmouth Sunbeams, Hades Tigers, Data Witches, and Carolina Queens fan

What does it truly mean for players to have been Released? What does it mean for the Observed to become unobservable; for the Pillars of this captivating, electrifying game to finally crumble? What will become of this vast universe that we pulled ourselves into / that we pulled into *us* / that may leave our bodies unmarred but has left a coffee-colored stain upon our souls; drippings from the dredges of a brew that’s labeled Past, Present, and Potential?

We here at BNN will never know. This is the unfortunate truth of the Blaseball News Network: without any Blaseball, there will not be any News. 

There will, however, be a Network. There will always be a Network; that is the same as it ever was. Blaseball was never just a game. Blaseball was about connection. The connecting of ideas, of consequences, of art and data, of need and fulfillment, of name and meaning. And no matter what happens, we will always, *always* have our Network. 

Dear reader, from whenever you’re currently swimming in the timestream: I hope that wherever life leads you, you can carry with you the knowledge that you are not walking it alone. You have been a part of something great; something much bigger than yourself, much bigger than all of us, and yet made so much better by your contribution. I will gladly consider myself a part of your Network, bound with you all in camaraderie by the shared experience of the epic highs and lows of Internet League Blaseball.  

Thank you for everything. I am so grateful to have been a part of this and to be given the chance to share my thoughts with everyone one last time. My life, like so many of yours, was changed by being a part of this game. I am coming out of all of this so much more fulfilled than I was going into it. No matter how much time passes, the impact of this phenomenal community improv game will never be able to be denied or forgotten.  I could go on for pages upon pages, but in the end, all there really is to say is: 

We have participated in the cultural event of Blaseball.

Clip Clipperson – it/its – On Twitter @clip_ny – NY Millennials, LA Unlimited Tacos, and Hawaii Fridays fan

Well, it’s been a time, Blaseball Fans. It’s been a pleasure reporting on the game for you all, even and especially while it was on Siesta. While it was often quite time consuming to recap and keep track of, I wouldn’t really have it any other way if it meant more people could keep up with often confusing and complex game mechanics and narrative. I hope
while Blaseball was running that I could help, in any way I could. I really appreciate all the wonderful people I’ve met along the way, from friends of multiple years now to those I briefly run into on Twitter. My Twitter account will remain online for those who wish to look back on posts and updates and whatnot.

I want to give special thanks to:
● The Society for Internet Blaseball Research, whose impressive and helpful community-made tools have allowed me to report to the best of my abilities and how central to this community their work is.
● The Blaseball Wiki and its recordkeepers for their tireless efforts at keeping the game’s history and community in a helpful place, free from the shackles of larger corporate companies.
● The various splortscasters, streamers, and podcasters for creating an exciting environment of discussion and camaraderie in making the game feel more alive.
● The various artists, writers, musicians, and hundreds of other creatives for inspiring the community with their work and reviving my own creative exploits through sheer awe.
● The Blaseball News Network, for encouraging everyone they could with excellent insight and creativity, as well as expanding my platform to better serve you all.

Let’s go Blaseball community. Love da Blaseball community.

Spludge237 – they/them – Mexico City Wild Wings fan

This is my final column from the Bucket, because the Bucket is closing, because the Wild Wings are closing, because the league is closing. Is been a joy to cover the Wings beat for BNN, and I am sad that it is gone. 

The Wings slogan, Pase Lo Que Pase, translates as “Whatever happens, happens”. And friends, so much happened. Writers wrote, artists drew, musicians composed and performed, statisticians modelled, researchers published research, pollsters surveyed, podcasters orated, and more besides. But most preciously, people found communities, where they could talk and share and feel together while cheering on their band of survivors of a blood sport and watching numbers go up.

To my fellow Wings fans, we’ll always have season 7, even if you personally weren’t around for it. To the BNN editorial team, thanks for making my words more coherent.

Pase Lo Que Pase. Anything can happen. Go and happen somewhere.

Graveerror/Nate – he/him – On Twitter @graveerror – Yellowstone Magic fan

Logan Rodriguez first joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Yellowstone Magic, in Blaseball Beta. He was not a very special pitcher- He was not very good, though, nor was he really the worst. Logan was the closest thing to a ‘trick’ pitcher Magic had, in a game that didn’t know what a trick was. He plagued the team’s rotation, through incinerations, reverbs, feedbacks, and not once did he ever move from his position. That is, until season 16, where he was reverberated onto the lineup. Unremarkable. Prone to playing so far above his stars, that his failures hurt so much more. Really, nothing special about him at all.

When I first started getting serious about being a writer for the Yellowstone Magic team, there was a reputation that preceded me that I wanted to try and keep separate. Call it an obsession, if you will. But Logan Rodriguez was a thorn in my side, and one of the reasons that, despite the arms length relationship I had with blaseball and its apophenia, I still believed some part of it was sentient. Logan Rodriguez was sentient. I am almost certain about that, and if there was ever a time that Logan Rodriguez was incinerated, I swore I would write an article about him and his oddball playing.

Logan Rodriguez is dead, and in a way, he took Blaseball with him. I suppose he got the last laugh, in the end, which is why I write this final submission for him. Somewhat.

Logan Rodriguez rustled up an astounding 1397 BBs across his astounding career – 4th in the League. He averaged 9.61 Hits per 9 Innings, and had a career WHIP of 1.563. He never once had a positive win-loss ratio as a pitcher… for the Magic. In fact, his only positive win-loss ratio was in Season 19, when he had been exchanged to the Jazz Hands. They loved him and his silly pitching so much that they had to send him back.

What truly stood out was his fax-defying Season 23 performance, wherein he had been brought to the mound from our shadows after Fax Machines were ratified. He proceeded to lose every single game from there on, without ever going back into the Shadows. That season, Magic won the Underbracket, and became the Eternally Reigning Underchampions once Blaseball was nullified in the end of Season 24.

Did I mention that during his time as a Magic batter during Season 17, Logan Rodriguez topped the league grind rail total score leaderboard? Him, Bevan Wise, James Mora, and Bonk Jokes were the offensive core of the Magic 8 Ball. There was also the Season 11 postseason, where Logan Rodriguez tactically lost to the Steaks, which opened us up for the chance to pit Curry Aliciakeyes against the Moist Talkers’ PolkaDot Patterson (our best pitcher vs theirs), which led to a sweep against the Talkers to go to the Mild League Conference Finals.

Can you believe he won* his game against the Garages, too, that postseason?
Ed Notes: He didn’t even play

Blaseball gave back what you put into it. I think that’s what drew me in and kept me here. The things you valued, the players you loved, the mechanics you hated- Everything about it felt as if it was made to resonate, to draw some sort of reaction from you. The community that gathered around it helped to strengthen, change and evolve these feelings, and expanded your experiences to match those around you. I learned so much about myself through Blaseball. I learned so much about other people. I learned a lot about fluid dynamics, actually. And now, even with it over, I feel like I’ve still found out something about me that I know will stay with me forever.

Being good… Being bad… Neither of those things mattered that much to me. What mattered, was being dramatic. And as long as you can find the drama in a situation, you can find some measure of enjoyment. I’m going to miss the Blaseball. I’m going to miss the Yellowstone Magic. And I’m going to miss BNN. But most of all, I’m going to miss Logan Rodriguez.

At the very least, I got some pretty good friends out of all this.

Ace Analyst – he/they – On Twitter @AnalystAce – LA Unlimited Tacos fan

My favorite moment was bringing Luckey/-J. aboard Blaseball Prospectus. It was a blast and a fun challenge to co-run our slice of Blaseball Twitter. That, or forcing my friend to watch the Semi-Centennial unfold with me at a Panera! Basically, all the little connections it helped me make.

Setting out to write a Blaseball eulogy was not something I planned to do for a while, and it stumped me at first. I already got to write my sappy thank yous in a (probably too long) Twitter thread when I retired from my beloved Blaseball Prospectus after the Expansion Era, and nobody needs to read that again. (But of course, another thank you to you all.) And disappointment is something I’m sure will be expressed plenty over the next few weeks.

But what I would like to write about, and something that made Blaseball so miraculous, was the humanity of it. Blaseball was a simulation, which, as a lover of facts and statistics and happenings, excited me. But I knew that this game, this idea, this community, was special when the Peanut first appeared onscreen. It was almost an afterthought at first, a little nothing — but, as we often did, the Fans latched on, reacting with laughter and fear. And then, it was something. 

I loved the way Blaseball built somethings out of nothings: in a game with no official records, SIBR built a web of numbers (going up, of course). Teams built identities, headcanons, chants, and emotions from a sea of names and stars. A league of reporters emerged and collaborated (on a platform that doesn’t make it easy!) and spawned the hilarity of Late Night Blaseball Twitter. And a personal favorite was when a certain blallclub took my offhand remark and made a whole damn slogan out of it.

In the end, this silly little eldritch horror roguelike baseball simulator could have easily been lost in a sea of online experiences. But this little corner of community made it one of the biggest somethings I’ve ever been a part of.

Goodbye. Rest in Violence. The Breath Mints.

Panorama Dan – he/him – On Twitter @PandaSunbeams – Hellmouth Sunbeams Estimator and fan

This post has gone through a lot of revisions in the last few days.

For a while, it was a high concept Fight Club related piece with lines like “I am Dan’s Journalistic Integrity” that ended with us watching the world crumble while I said “You met me at a very weird time in my life.”

For a while, it was an even higher concept piece of Panorama Dan interviewing players on various teams. But when it comes down to it, there’s only one thing that I really need to say here in the hallowed halls of BNN.

Thanks for letting me do so many shitposts of varying complexity. Whether it was discussing Dayquil Chicken in Enby Baby Jail, constantly commenting on the Sunbeams insane single-minded batting, drowning myself in the hubris of being the only person allowed to Estimate the Beams, or doing my SHARKOUT or All-Stars articles, BNN and Blaseball have allowed me to be more creative than I ever have in my life.

I’ll never stop staring into the sun, and I’ll find the Fishblades and the Goncharovs someday. Thanks for everything.

Ophelia, fae queen – she/her – On Twitter @Ophiedrowning – Dallas Steaks fan

Blaseball is dead, long live Blaseball. If someone were to tell me that some of the most meaningful relationships in my life would develop solely because of interactions perpetuated by an unsustainable baseball betting sim, I would have laughed in their face. But, as you all know, it’s true.

I found the game through Sam’s dad, MLB reporter Ken Rosenthal, when he tweeted about it on opening day. As a born Dallasite, I quickly picked the Steaks and excitedly played. I engaged solely on twitter, the website, and the wiki until season 7, when a friend from a different server (hi Stara ) convinced me to join the main discord server. The Steaks greeted me were unlike any online community I had ever been in before. Supportive, thoughtful, and kind, the Steaks very quickly accepted me as one of their own. We made very silly propaganda and cheered our team onto victory.

Then, after I wrote an article for BNN, Joey Badger introduced me to Kim Dauber. In an act of genius, or more honestly, insanity, Kim said that we should write a musical for Blaseball. I can write, she can produce, and someone else can make the music. After a couple months of planning, we reached out to rain of Garages fame, and somehow it agreed to write this insane show with us. After writing a short outline of the story, rain and I spent 24 straight hours (we took naps) writing what you all know as Blaseball: the Musical, my propaganda piece to grow the Steaks’ tiny fanbase. With help from some of the most hardworking and talented people I have ever had the chance to work with, we were able to make a genuinely good and meaningful piece of art. I do have to thank Erica especially for her vulnerable performance as a character that every Steaks fan knows and loves.

After the musical, the Steaks were itching to pull off another scheme, and with the introduction of an incredibly harmful bill to the Texas legislature, we had our next goal. Do a 24 hour stream to raise awareness of the bill and money for Rainbow Railroad. After some incredible art by Alexander, Minty, and Aleks, technical work by Invariel, behind the scenes work by Jen, Mahal, Rei, and especially Josh, the heart of the Steaks, as well as all of the community that came together and lent their talents to us, we raised $10,420.69 (this is not a joke, that’s the exact number). Somehow, the smallest team in Blaseball broke the record for Blaseball related fundraisers. And we did it together.

That’s how I’ll choose to remember this game. Not the website or the players, not the Season 16 Championship over our longtime friends the Firefighters, but the people. The people are Blaseball and Blaseball is the people. I’m grateful to the TGB for facilitating a community and experience that led people to treat each other with kindness first, but my heart lies forever with the Steaks.

Patronus – he/him – Ohio Worms fan

The day the Ohio Worms lost the Season 23 Championship to the Canada Moist Talkers, I was pacing
around my wife’s childhood home trying to calm my infant son. I explained the significance of the
game… Scratch keeping the game alive… Ji-Eun’s doubling modifier. I was misty-eyed before Loubert
finished that at-bat, and that season with it: whether the Worms would win or lose, this was Blaseball at
its peak.

We celebrated through the highs, watching XanPan smash through lineups as Vess hit dinger after ding,
scoop after scoop. We wriggled through the lows, breaking records for losing and Dwelling our way up
from the Bottom. From the first frenzied at-bat (THE Lenny Crumb solo home run), Worms nation was a
community of shared joy and loss, love and wistfulness. What we gained from Blaseball we will keep
with us for the rest of our lives. My son may never get to see Blaseball live, but when he asks me to tell
him the story of his Lenny Crumb stuffed animal, he will hear one of the greatest legends of all.

Firewall Andrews (Leo) – he/him – On Twitter @LeoHowell8 – LA Unlimited Tacos, Dallas Steaks, Charleston Shoe Thieves fan

I could write a lot about Blaseball, but the biggest takeaway from the past few years: This was a very special game that created an incredible community with tons of creativity. It created hilarious and epic moments and introduced me to a ton of great people. I cared about my favorite players and teams, despite it all being a baseball box score generator on a black and white website. Kudos to the Game Band, and most of all, to all the volunteers, creatives and fans who made the game incredible from beginning to end.

Forsythia Helltiger – they/she – On Twitter @vortiwife – Lets Go Mills Baby Love Da Mills

Originally discovered Blaseball from Jessica Telephone fanart the K6BD guy posted on Twitter during Season 3! There were SO many great moments. The time we accidentally posted Jason Derulo’s dick on the BNN twitter account. Every single Power Rankings we ever wrote. The Musical. Also shoutout to Mills RP Twitter you guys were absolutely wild. Logging in and trying to parse what was going on in the actual game while like nine player RP accounts were all loudly divorcing each other was always so funny

Luckey Haskins / Blaseball Prospectus – he/him – On Twitter @Dashjperiod – Chicago Firefighters fan

For me, Blaseball was a huge blank piece of paper that you (plural) could write upon, scribble, and fold into so many unexpected layers & shapes. In light of its end, let’s unfold a few layers of meaning I took from the cultural event of Blaseball, yeah?

The first fold was the experience of being a fan. I, an IRL person, was watching a fake sp(l)ort that was replicating the experiences of following a team, cheering for a player, and staring with bated breath at a sports ticker. Without realizing it, I’d become INVESTED in this speedrun of a season, with its ridiculous names and impossible score lines.

Who could forgot the drama of Season 5, when Chicago was looking to ride the league’s best pitcher, Alex Trololol, to the playoffs? UNTIL  Alex was Reverb’d into becoming a lineup player!! There’s no way the Firefighters overcome this event, right?! Or maybe … They did it, even with their canon-armed firetruck of a player holding a bat!

Wait, Alex was what?

That was another fold we made. We noticed that this fictive world enticed us to make up stuff about it. It invited us to play pretend with fulsome names like “Alex Trololol” and unexpected events like “Reverb.” We create headcanon, or we come across something in the Discord that makes us smile. Apophenia waves to us, and a community starts to form around creating narrative & connection out of the sim’s randomness.

At a time when we were isolated, I could lean into my experiences in journalism, theatre, and analytics. I connect with someone (Ace Analyst) who’s created the “Blaseball Prospectus,” a silly echo of an IRL publication I once read. And I create a silly echo of myself, a dimension-hopping sportswriter I name after an exit on I-75 (Luckey and Haskins, Ohio). And like any good theatre company, improv troupe, or role-playing game, we start to imagine together.

These are the indelible moments of Blaseball for me: collaborating with Ace on the Coffee Cup coverage, discussing schedules, building the world behind Blaseball Prospectus. Working with BNN to enact journalistic shenanigans & lexical tomfoolery. Watching other fans take a tweet and adapting it, claiming it, changing it into something new. Starting to realize that folks in Discord refer to you as your OC.

Which brings us to a third fold, more of an experiential fold: the bleed. We’ve made so many folds that our fictive experience bleeds into IRL space, and now we negotiate that blurry line between the two. I notice a game designer or author I follow interacting with something the Prospectus tweeted. Or it’s trying to balance following this 24/7 game with life away from your screen. It’s not realizing you let slip a “waypoinkt qude” in conversation, and now folks are confused. It’s your bartender looking at your jersey & mentioning they’ve never heard of the Firefighters.

And as you hold these two worlds in your mind simultaneously, you ask yourself: do I give them the elevator speech and move on? Or do I start this bystander on the multi-fold journey to a new shared world?

But that was then. Now, we need to change one word in our response, to reflect the new un-reality of the Immaterial Plane / the reality of our business-driven world:

“Okay. So, there was this game called ‘Blaseball.’ … Yeah, with an ‘L’…”

Cal “Benson ‘Nutty’ Newton” – he/him – On Twitter @MTGCal – Ohio Worms fan

There is a lot of things I could say about Blaseball. A silly little baseball simulator with silly characters and everybody dies. A wondrous community that did a lot of very exciting things. A musical. SIBR. A band. A wiki full of characters. A news network. Oh lord. A news network. As the joke so often went, I started the Blaseball News Network as a joke. I had been watching Blaseball for… oh, 3 days? in the middle of a very dark time (as I’m sure it was for all of us). Working a job I hated, stuck in a house for an indeterminate amount of time, barely a year removed from college with little to no direction or motivation, a world ground to a halt. So, why not. Let’s make a silly little RP News account that tweets when players are incinerated, or something. Before you know it, I was taking it seriously. I was livetweeting game results, sending out breaking news notifications for player incinerations or other happenings, and more. Then came the fateful day, August 2020, where I decided I needed to do more. Why not writing?

From there, the rest is history. Firewall, Forsythia, & Luckey hopped right into my silly world of an AI-run news network that wasn’t powerful enough to create meaningful content (prescient?), adding their own twists into the Season recaps, specials, weekly power rankings, and more. And it grew. and grew. and grew. The broadcasters, the podcasters, the videos, even more written pieces… I was astounded. And it was too much for me. Blaseball was too much. Too beautiful, too busy. Too many things for one man to handle (even with so much help and my god there was so much help). So I made my exit and handed BNN off to Cat, easily the best decision at the time AND in hindsight (it isn’t often one can say both). They did a bang-up job, if I say so myself.

Thank you Blaseball, thank you community, thank you BNN contributors. Thank you Cat & Firewall especially. You all have made a permanent imprint on my life for the better & I hope I did for you as well. So long, blaseballers.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS.
THAT’S THE END OF BLASEBALL. THAT’S IT.

Dan “Leto” Hahn – he/him – On Twitter @Leto – Yellowstone Magic and Boston Flowers fan

I’m writing this after having compiled this article from everyones’ submissions, a process that was not only emotionally draining, but also more work on a single piece than I think I’ve ever done before for BNN. Sky’s submission in particular had me absolutely broken for a solid 10 minutes. Thank you everyone for your contributions, I expected a few, but the sheer mass of people who trusted us with their thoughts and feelings after the closing of Blaseball means the world to Cat and me. I’m going to do my best to compile my thoughts here before handing things off to Cat for her to add the final word, editing, and publishing.

Starting out just wanting to cheer on a Boston team, I latched on to the Flowers without hesitation, and in turn latched on to my boys, King Weatherman and Jacob Haynes. I still eagerly reference the “Just a Guy” song from the Garages AWAY GAMES album. In addition, I picked up RPing as King in his last few seasons with the Flowers, which was a fun and eye opening experience on how much of the community interacts. Eventually, the King/Cory trade happened, and a beautiful storyline unfolded with King reconciling with the Magic, best friending Chorby Short, and having a couple truly stellar seasons. I appreciated the heck out of both teams, and really enjoyed finding a home with Yellowstone.

A moment on Yellowstone, no group has made me feel so welcomed or privileged, they welcomed me with open arms from the moment King was traded over. Getting to be their broadcaster, share some incredible moments, and have people make art for me because of everything was something I will never forget as long as I’m above the moss. I wasn’t the easiest to work with, and on a few occasions I angered the keepers and captains with my opinionated nature, but no matter what I did my best to represent how powerful the Magic was as a community. Hopefully, I did well enough with that.

Outside of those happenings, it was an incredible joy to work with so many content creators over the course of my time with the Broadcasters Group, and later on BNN directly. For a bit there, the broadcaster group had some really good things going for it, and we were turning a lot of gears, it’s unfortunate how aggressively real life stopped me from helping that continue to flourish. Props to Joey in particular for being a fun counterpart for so long on the broadcast front, it was a joy being able to cast with him. My hope is, more than anything, that I was able to bring a level of professionalism and education about broadcasting to the Blaseball community that helped everyone step their proverbial game up.

I’m grateful for the mountains of hard work and creativity on the part of The Game Band, getting to interview Elena was a joy, and it’s because of all their effort that we even had anything to talk about. That being said, I really wish the broadcasters and BNN as a whole had received some kind of appreciation or recognition, especially when we were putting out multiple articles a week as well as the Power Rankings and regular weekly broadcasts. The immense effort that went into this level of activity, only for them to never truly credit or be interested in working with us, really stung after a while.

With all that, and in closing, Goodnight BNN Fam, if you found us at any point, congrats on accomplishing the impossible. I’ll forever keep my Yellowstone Magic cap as long as I can, and will continue to say whenever appropriate:

As Above, So Below.

CatBNN – she/they – On Twitter @CatStlats – Boston Flowers and Houston Spies fan

well. it was fun while it lasted, eh buds?

back in the cursed days of summer 2020, a friend told me about a simulated baseball league mixed with lovecraftian stories. my response: “watch, in three days i’ll be one of those people with spreadsheets.” nearly three years later, we’re saying goodbye to our favorite splort, and i’m ending an era in my creative career. blaseball, both directly through the storyline, and indirectly through the community, affected me emotionally in a way no other game has, and blaseball news network has allowed me to contribute my efforts to an honestly incredible fandom.

something wild to think about is how, over three material plane years, there were only 26 official seasons and a few tournament games. yet there’s literally thousands of pages on the fan-run blaseball wiki, hundreds of fanfics across different sites, and this entire online newspaper. that was the power of the blaseball fandom, to take just a few numbers, maybe even just a funny name, and create entire characters wholesale. i feel intensely lucky to have been able to participate from the unique perspective as a curator of the stories that came through the stats.

it’s hard to know what to say here. every sentiment i have is already echoed all over this page. i want to thank cal bnn pwp for trusting my tweeting skill so much he handled over his baby to me. i want to thank every single person who helped the network flourish: dan, joey, em, luckey, firewall, deejay, forsythia, and all the contributors. and i want to thank you, for reading our articles, demanding answers for our power rankings, and never ceasing to search us out.

many readers, one network.

The post Blaseball News Network: Closing Thoughts: The BNN Community Closes Out appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

OPS+ = On base Plus Slugging +. An estimator of good hitting, average is 100, higher number is better.
ERA- = Earned Run Average -. An estimator of good pitching, average is 100, lower number is better.
OAA = Outs Above Average. An estimator of good fielding, average is 0, higher number is better.

1. THE MOAB HELLMOUTH SUNBEAMS

“Sartre once said, Hell is a lineup of batters all with an OPS over .900.”
S2 Run Differential: +303 Lineup OPS+ rank: #1, 127.7 Rotation ERA- rank: #11, 94.6 Team OAA rank: #19, -24.6

Towering over them all are the Sunbeams, and they are hitting, their bats lively and quick and doubling down the line and they are bowing to the ladies. They will never stop hitting, they say. They say they will never die. You might look and think, hey, that run prevention seems not great! Who cares? They score 8 runs per game! The Sunbeams strength is not just in their great hitters, but the length of their lineup. This is the only Blaseball team with no hitters in their lineup with a below league average OPS. Even with their balance, there are a few players who stand out here. Two great infielders in Kajjala Aliyev and Cravel Gesundheit (2nd and 8th best Wins Above Average (WAA) respectively) are perfectly situated to get a good amount of ground balls despite low Reach, and also hit extremely well. Mooney Doctor carries the rotation with a top ten in the league FIP. But really, it’s just hitting. Hitting that never stops. Hitting. HITTING.

2. THE MEXICO CITY WILD WINGS

“Bane: You merely adopted your good hitters! We were born with them!”
S2 Run Differential: +212 Lineup OPS+ rank: #2, 119.8 Rotation ERA- rank: #10, 91.1 Team OAA rank: #11, 20.7

Unlike other Blaseball teams that won boosts to get to the top of the league, the Wings are ALL NATURAL. Unfortunately, when you live by the sim, you also die by the sim. The Wings have had seven different position players in the top 40 of WAA over the course of the first two seasons: Katja Twain (seasons one and two), Fletcher Peck (season one), Baldwin Jones (season one), Nori Bluegrass (season one), Letitia Diop (season one), James Boy (season two), and Arugula Hadji (season two). They also have had the fourth best (season one) and tenth best (season two) pitcher by WAA in Viernon Sierpinski and sixth best (season one) pitcher by WAA in Anastasia Isarobot. Of those nine players, two were incinerated, and three were shadowed at some point or another. Perhaps the best strategy going forward is to appease the sim with some kind of blood sacrifice. Wait, never mind. Let’s not give the sim any ideas. 

3. THE YELLOWSTONE MAGIC

“Why does the larger team simply not win another boost blessing?”
S2 Run Differential: +199 Lineup OPS+ rank: #3, 117.65 Rotation ERA- rank: #6, 87.4 Team OAA rank: #6, 36.7

The Yellowstone Magic are the only Blaseball team in the league thus far which has won two boost blessings (Pitching and Wind Sprints) and will soon test just how overpowered boosts are. (The answer is very.) With wind sprints, the Magic have turned into a triple-mashing team at 123 total, the only other Blaseball team with more than 100 is the Flowers with 102. Kiki Avci in particular hit 40, and also led the league in OPS with 1.432 (also, also hit over .400!). Demet Cabrera is defensively awesome on the infield and hits well, making them the best player in the league in WAA by a full win over the second best player. Rat Mason and Mooney Doctor II are poised to lead an awesome pitching staff, and Duncan Phantom is about all you can ask for in an incineration replacement. If this team doesn’t win the title, it would be a choke. A gag. Don’t blow it. No pressure.

4. THE BOSTON FLOWERS

“More Stealth than Metal Gear Solid.”
S2 Run Differential: +192 Lineup OPS+ rank: #5, 112.9 Rotation ERA- rank: #3, 77.6 Team OAA rank: #15, 4.1

Another boost-blessed Blaseball team, the Flowers turned a 35-55 record in Season One into a 60-30 record in Season Two thanks to the overall team boost. Just by looking at their baseline hitting stars, one might be a little unimpressed (2.745 in their lineup, 7th worst in the league), but they pack a secret: the second highest Stealth score in the league, a stat which helps them produce slugging (they hit the most doubles in the league at 417 and the second most triples at 102). Combine that with an overall excellent pitching staff, and you’ve got a solid contender. Zack Sanders exemplifies their offensive style of play (3rd best WAA in the league, of their 156 hits only 33 are singles) and Amir Murphy (16th best pitching WAA) is a solid ace. Famous mascot Jessica Telephone is also there for moral support.

5. THE CHARLESTON SHOE THIEVES

“A defensive wizard on the Shoe Thieves? Never heard of that before.”
S2 Run Differential: +121 Lineup OPS+ rank: #8, 102.1 Rotation ERA- rank: #2, 77.4 Team OAA rank: #1, 58

The Shoe Thieves are extremely lazy. Only three of their position players have more than .400 Reach, and two of them play in right field, which tends not to see much action. Cue Penelope Berkowitz. Combine a midfielder position with low reach teammates and nobody playing in left field and you have a recipe for a single player doing everything on defense. Berkowitz fielded 652 chances at a 79% success rate last season, the most chances of any player in the league at a highly efficient clip. Throw in the solid offensive threesome of Vee Curry, Fish Summer, and Kaj Statter Jr. and you’re cooking with gas. The pitching staff doesn’t have to be amazing to get outs with their one-man defense. The Jammy Decksetter alternate thinned their lineup by quite a bit, but they can still win by emulating a group project where everyone offloads the work onto one person.

6. THE HAWAI’I FRIDAYS

“How good are the vibes? There’s a player named Mags Highlife.”
S2 Run Differential: +110 Lineup OPS+ rank: #9, 100.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #4, 81.9 Team OAA rank: #2, 56.3

The Fridays had the best defense in the league by Defensive Efficiency Ratio (DER), but there is a very serious question as to how long that can persist. A huge chunk of value was provided by top ten WAA player Elijah Valenzuela, the best defender in the top ten of position players. A good hitting, good defending infielder is kind of a cheat code. Here’s the issue: Valenzuela got alternated in game 85. Eun Senior and Stephanie Schmitt are both solid pitchers even with a fall-off on defense, but Sexton Wheerer and Svetlana Dickens are not. Oxen Seo and Justice Spoon will need to carry the Blaseball team offensively with a new, worse hitting former star. At least the vibes will be good

7. THE ATLANTIS GEORGIAS

“So fresh and so clean.”
S2 Run Differential: +89 Lineup OPS+ rank: #4, 113 Rotation ERA- rank: #17, 105.8 Team OAA rank: #15, 4.4

The Georgias are proof of the theory that a good offense matters more for success than run prevention because they are a bottom half pitching staff and defense that still wins because they hit the damn ball. First, we gotta talk about Mckinney Vaughan, who is a legit star. The best position player in season one by WAA and the fifth best in season two, Vaughan is an excellent hitter and defender AND plays the infield (cheat code!). The hitting foursome of Doc Cash, Juan Murphy, Khulan Kebede, and Beck Whitney means the lineup isn’t just top-heavy. Unfortunately, the pitching is kind of a mess, with a group of players who can’t strike anybody out (league average strikeouts per 9 innings is 7.2, and the Georgias are at 5.9). This staff puts a lot of pressure on the defense, so if balls aren’t getting hit to the right defenders, woof. With this pitching, the Georgias are probably destined to make the playoffs and get eliminated in the first round for a while.

8. THE BROKEN RIDGE JAZZ HANDS

“Why are they called the Jazz Hands?”
S2 Run Differential: +64 Lineup OPS+ rank: #6, 105.2 Rotation ERA- rank: #12, 96.8 Team OAA rank: #21, -44

They won a boost! Every other Blaseball team from the season one election that won a boost saw massive to strong improvement, enough to make the playoffs and get deep into the postseason. The Jazz Hands, however? Well, luck was not on their side. In game 42, Bonk Jokes was alternated from a very good lineup player into a not-so-good one. Their second best hitter, Sigmund Castillo, was cursed to not lose. Their pitching staff boost’s value was blunted by a terrible defense. Evelton McBlase II, their best pitcher, was the 35th best in the league by WAA, at least. Their offense should still be solid, led by doubles machine Qais Dogwalker, but not enough to overcome a leaky defense with a very bad defender, Albert Stink, hogging the infield. 

9. THE SAN FRANCISCO LOVERS

“How many juniors can we fit into one name?”
S2 Run Differential: +44 Lineup OPS+ rank: #18, 95 Rotation ERA- rank: #8, 88.9 Team OAA rank: #13, 5.6

How did this Blaseball team make the playoffs? Only three of their eight hitters were above league average in OPS. Their pitching staff walks people and doesn’t generate a ton of strikeouts. According to WAA, they overperformed by 6 wins, so maybe some of this was luck and a top-heavy division, but let’s try and pick out the good stuff here. Alvie Kesh is a top 11 player by WAA, great offensively, although you wish they would try to maybe field a little more (.023 Reach/ 1.145 Magnet). Mordecai Kingbird is a nice number 2 hitter with basically the same defensive preferences as Kesh. The rotation is anchored by the very good Erin Jesaulenko, and the rest of the pitchers are carried by a lineup that maybe can’t hit very well, but is at least slightly positive on the whole defensively. This team is probably due for some regression, but a Blaseball team that keeps games low-scoring can always win some lucky coin tosses.

10. THE BALTIMORE CRABS

“In their soft shell era.”
S2 Run Differential: +26 Lineup OPS+ rank: #14, 97.3 Rotation ERA- rank: #6, 87.7 Team OAA rank: #8, 32.3

Perhaps the sim has fallen out of love. The Crabs are still a competitive Blaseball team, but their poor hitting means that they are unlikely to challenge for a playoff spot. Losing Ramirez Winters to incineration in game 68 meant that a top 3 WAA player in season one was now dusted and the Crabs defense/offense was worse off for it. The formerly zoneless Tiera Wigdoubt is now going to have to step up as the team’s best player, but those are big shoes to fill. Declan Suzanne was the 9th best pitcher by WAA and the lead on a solid rotation, but how much the defense suffers without Winters remains to be seen. The Crabs are firmly lodged in mid.

11. THE CORE MECHANICS

“We may or may not be able to fix this.”
S2 Run Differential: +8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #10, 100.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #14, 100.9 Team OAA rank: #16, -7

Sheri Friday. Sheri was carrying massive weight on the Mechanics lineup before getting alternated into a bad hitter on day 88 of the season. Sheri led the league in doubles with 72, had the second highest OPS in the league at 1.341 (a long way away from their second best teammate Comfort Septemberish and their .934) and hit the third most homers to boot. Scoobert Toast and Tevin Melcon are a good pair of pitchers with above average strikeout rates, but here’s the thing. Losing a 5+ win player from your Blaseball team sucks, especially at the tail end of a season where you’re going nowhere. Time to rebuild. 

12. THE KANSAS CITY BREATH MINTS

“Please sir, may I have some better batters?”
S2 Run Differential: +8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #22, 85.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #1, 69.3 Team OAA rank: #6, -36.6

The Breath Mints appear to be locked in a life or death struggle to field a Blaseball team that wins or loses every game of the season 1-0. Let’s start with the pitching. Plums Blather led the league in strikeouts. Hatfield Suzuki and Hops Chen are not far behind them. Their worst pitcher is better than the league average by ERA. They have some very good defenders up and down the lineup, but their standout player by volume is Brooklyn Nottingham, who is also their best hitter by OPS and the 4th most valuable position player in the league by WAA. Unfortunately, only having two hitters (Stretch Sutton being the other) who can actually hit is kind of an issue. A big key to their punchless offense is how station-to-station it is, with their league worst lineup Stealth score. Perhaps Vernon Glump will help, retrieved via Yeet.

13. THE PHILLY PIES

“A team that is its own Bizarro team.”
S2 Run Differential: -5 Lineup OPS+ rank: #11, 98.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #14, 101.5 Team OAA rank: #17, -9.4

This Blaseball team comes into its games fighting for its life against itself. There are good players on this team! Four top fifty WAA players in the lineup! Amos Parveen! Siobhan Chark! Tucker Thane! Jira Sealegs! But there are also four bottom forty players! Bevan Wise! Ariadne Amaat! Dimi Wobbler! Lucas Petty! What about pitchers? Three top twenty pitchers by WAA! Steals Chark! Pudge Nakamoto! Marco Escobar! But also! Two bottom ten pitchers! Augusto Reddick! Thomas Marsh! When this team finally defeats its true demon, itself, it will become a contender.

14. THE MIAMI DALE

“The best team Alternates can buy. Turns out Alternates can’t buy much.”
S2 Run Differential: -8 Lineup OPS+ rank: #16, 96.2 Rotation ERA- rank: #8, 90.9 Team OAA rank: #10, 24.1

Really good, well-rounded players are hard to generate. This is the lesson I feel like we learn from alternates. The Dale alternated four players on their team after the season one election, including one twice, and it feels…fine? Serge Shortvat joined Sixpack Santiago with double S names and also having defensive skill, Una Manhattan became a little better than league average as a pitcher, and Eddie Mulberry took two alternations and is the 200th worst position player in the league by WAA. Joe Voorhees is an excellent slugger and Malik Romayne is a great pitcher, but this Blaseball team needed better results from their alternates, and what they got was a whole plate of meh.

15. THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

“Stan Van Gundy Voice: Form a freaking wall!”
S2 Run Differential: -52 Lineup OPS+ rank: #20, 94.9 Rotation ERA- rank: #13, 99.9 Team OAA rank: #3, 41.2

Wind Sprints is an interesting boost because it can function as a boost to a middling pitching staff as well as a slight boost to team overall slugging, at least in theory. How much that will do for a Blaseball team that struggles to hit the ball will be interesting, but the run prevention results should be good for a team that has great Reach/Magnet numbers across the board. The Talkers already had the boringly named Scott Gray as a top twenty WAA player and solid infield hitter. Now, the defensive buff gives them three players over 1 Magnet in Jay Camacho, Donna Milicic, and Khulan Sagaba. Eris Street was already a strong pitcher for the Talkers, but the rest of a fairly mediocre rotation should get pulled up by this Blaseball team’s wall of defense.

16. THE SEATTLE GARAGES

“I got it, I got it, I got it, I don’t got it.”
S2 Run Differential: -56 Lineup OPS+ rank: #7, 103 Rotation ERA- rank: #21, 118.1 Team OAA rank: #24, -89.5

The thing that seems to separate the middling Blaseball teams from the bad teams appears to be this: elite baddies. The absolute worst players out there, often in multiple. This brings us to the Garages. They won a thwack boost and have a top ten offense. Normally, 1) winning a boost and 2) hitting well, means success, but nope. This Blaseball team has an anti-MVP. Susan Witherspoon is the team’s leading fielder with 474 chances, and fields at a .601 DER (League average is .709).  Susan also can’t hit. Combine all that, and WAA has them pegged as the second worst player in the game, producing -6.8 wins this past season. A large chunk of the remaining lineup isn’t much better on defense, with four other players below league average. This is unfortunate for Brisket Friendo, the pitcher WAA thinks is the best in the league two seasons running. There are good hitters here, like Hendricks Richardson and a good name in Sheev Shriffle, plus a potentially beastly hitter in Chambers Simmons doing King Arthur stuff, but this team needs some fielding drills, badly.

17. THE DALLAS STEAKS

“Nobody on the infield. It’ll definitely work.”
S2 Run Differential: -62 Lineup OPS+ rank: #20, 96.7 Rotation ERA- rank: #18, 105.8 Team OAA rank: #4, 40.6

The Steaks have the backbone of a good run prevention Blaseball team, and a smattering of good but not great players mixed in with a roster of mostly below average folk. Their worst player is probably pitcher Archie Lampman, but a pitcher in the current schedule only throws 18 games a season, so it could be worse. Unfortunately, their best players have some drawbacks. Vanille Okidoke is an awesome name and a good hitter with bad defense, Baby Sliders is a good defender with bad hitting, and Agan Harrison is a good pitcher but, again, 18 games a season. Their defensive positioning, which has everyone in the outfield, means Sliders is their closest player to the defensively valuable area (good) but has to range out of position to cover it entirely (bad). The Steaks need to, uh, cook more.

18. THE CHICAGO FIREFIGHTERS

“NEEERRRRDDDDDD!!!”
S2 Run Differential: -91 Lineup OPS+ rank: #24, 80.5 Rotation ERA- rank: #5, 86.4 Team OAA rank: #7, 36

At the bottom of the league, there are three types of Blaseball teams. Ones that can’t hit, ones that can’t prevent runs, and ones that can’t do a damn thing. The Firefighters are the type that can’t hit, and I’m making a not so bold pronouncement that is the second worst problem aside from being completely terrible. The Firefighters lack of hitting is uniquely bad. Most teams have at least one or two elite to very good hitters. The Firefighters are the only Blaseball team without a single hitter above league average by OPS. Not one. Now, Yosh Carpenter is a top 30 WAA player strictly because of defense, but when your best position player hits under .200, that is tough. Nerd Pacheco and Lupita Juice also contribute to a very good defense, and WAA thinks the FFs have two top five pitchers in Don Elliott and Karato Rangel, but this team needs somebody, literally anybody, who can hit. A single damn person!

19. THE OHIO WORMS

“The less extreme version of the Lift!”
S2 Run Differential: -118 Lineup OPS+ rank: #13, 97.6 Rotation ERA- rank: #22, 121.7 Team OAA rank: #12, 11.1

This team is bizarre. Let’s try to take it piece by piece. Malin Hsu and Itsuki Weeks are both good hitters, but the entire rest of the lineup is extremely average or below that, yet never quite trawling the bottom of the league like some other bad Blaseball teams. Arturo Huerta is probably a top 30 pitcher but the rest of the staff is awful and guileless (lowest rotation Guile in the league). The defense has some very good defenders on it (Badgerson Stromboli) but the two players who fielded the most for them by far are Malin Hsu and Archie Yanez, who together have sucked up 1211 opportunities out of the team’s total of 2721 and are extremely bad at defending. This team’s problems seem so…particular that I have no idea what to say here so let’s move on.

20. THE HOUSTON SPIES

“Striking out in multiple senses of the phrase.”
S2 Run Differential: -166 Lineup OPS+ rank: #17, 96.1 Rotation ERA- rank: #20, 114.6 Team OAA rank: #20, -40.5

When you start diving into the Spies numbers, you kind of get why they might be packing it in for a team-wide strikeout. If you scan the WAA leaderboard, you have to scroll down a bit before you see a Spy hitter, Rivers Rosa at #60. Rosa played in 41 games before being incinerated, replaced by Mimosa Arslan who was doing pretty well, and then also got incinerated. Bees Gorczyca loves to field a ton of balls and is very bad at it. Wyatt Mason IV is at least an ace, but former legends Howell Franklin and Margarito Nava are horrendous pitchers. The team had 14 different players take at-bats in their lineup, a tumultuous second season due to weather and other factors. This is pretty rough, but there’s not much more the sim can do to screw stuff up, surely!

21. THE LA UNLIMITED TACOS

“Give us some damn wills.”
S2 Run Differential: -171 Lineup OPS+ rank: #21, 86.6 Rotation ERA- rank: #19, 108.7 Team OAA rank: #18, -20.2

Well, good news. The Tacos won one of the most effective blessings in the game. The bad news? Everything else, especially the large number of players they have doing the wrong thing on the field. Jenkins Good is a fine hitter who would be an awesome pitcher. Nigel Candy is one of the worst hitters in the league who should be pitching.  Yulia Skitter is a terrible pitcher who should be hitting. The shadows and, uh, the dirt are housing a lot of potential upgrades to the lineup. The pitching staff is without note for the most part, but at least the lineup has a few gems. Malik Destiny is a top ten player by WAA in the league and an excellent slugger, plus Piper Legume was a nice incineration replacement and a good overall player. If only the roster could be shuffled around…

22. THE NEW YORK MILLENNIALS

“There’s a player named Guacamole on the team.”
S2 Run Differential: -207 Lineup OPS+ rank: #15, 97.3 Rotation ERA- rank: #23, 138.7 Team OAA rank: #23, -85.2

The Mills don’t have a terrible lineup to build from. Offensively, anyway. Hernando Winter is an excellent hitter and Clayton Legume ain’t bad either. Run prevention is unfortunately a nightmare. Bennett Bluesky is a good pitcher whose ERA is worse than it should be because of this defense. The non-Bluesky pitchers are giving up an average of 6-10 runs per game, with Jonathan Catalina being the second worst pitcher in the league by WAA. There’s some hope for improvement, slim as it is. Ren Hunter’s defensive buff might be enough to juice the defensive efficiency a bit out of the basement of the league. Realistically though, this Blaseball team is going to need some work. Old people are going to make millennial jokes about this team for a while.

23. THE HADES TIGERS

“The mighty have fallen, but did they have to fall like this?”
S2 Run Differential: -220 Lineup OPS+ rank: #23, 83 Rotation ERA- rank: #15, 105.4 Team OAA rank: #9, 29.8

The once dominant Tigers of the Discipline Era are, these guys are not. The Hades Tigers are about as punchless as it gets, with the league’s worst average of batting stars in the lineup. The Velasquez Alstott incineration replacement Hana Wildebeest has been a massive step down in quality, both offensively and defensively, and in fact, perhaps they are making up for lost incineration time, because Leandra Beech and Steals Mondegreen were also incinerated in Season 2. Gloria Bugsnax was the worst position player in the league by WAA. Their highest ranked lineup player is Adrian Melon, the 76th highest WAA in the league. They have one of the best defensive players in the league, well-positioned and talented in Stevenson Heat, but Heat also is one of only two hitters in the league with a negative WRC+ (batting number that is extremely not good). Amaya Jackson is a top tier pitcher at least. I’d say they’re probably wishing they were fireproof again in the new era, but, eh, maybe not.

24. THE TOKYO LIFT

“Trying hard to turn every other team’s lineup into the Sunbeams.”
S2 Run Differential: -230 Lineup OPS+ rank: #12, 98.4 Rotation ERA- rank: #24, 145 Team OAA rank: #22, -84.6

If you’re going to be the worst Blaseball team in the league, at least be entertaining, and the Lift mostly live up to that. This team is built like it thinks it’s in a home run derby whenever it plays a game, a home run derby it usually loses. The team’s ERA is 7.24. Look at that! Just look at it! The third worst Blaseball team in the league by ERA, the Worms, is a FULL RUN BETTER on average. This team on average has to score 8 runs just to win a game. To be fair, there is some offense here to make that occasionally possible. Roscoe Sundae and Vernon Cotterpin are two awesome sluggers, but the offense also features two of the worst position players in the league in Gumdrop Che Amran and Barry Burkhard. Silvia Rugrat is the worst pitcher in the league by WAA, the only pitcher to subtract 5 wins from their team. The Lift could be greatly improved just by having run prevention that wasn’t an utter tire fire, but their defense and pitching staff apparently enjoy numbers going up just as much as the rest of us.

Thanks to Bagyilisk, glumbaron, Abyline, and Sproutella for the Coronation Era statistics and advanced statistics.

-InnercityGriot, who’s a part of Blaseball Analysis Co, which you can find at https://blaseballanalysisco.libsyn.com/

The post Blaseball Not-So-Grand Siesta’s Speed Dating: Team Capsule Rundown and Review appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Season 2 of the Coronation Era is officially notarized and in the books, and before we embark on siesta, let’s take a look back at the most outstanding players, or MVP, to hit the diamond over the past 90-plus games.

Many thanks to Dargo4#2798 on Discord for organizing the vote, which you can join as a writer on the BNN Discord!

Baldwin Jones Memorial Best Batter Award

Magic Goo?

Yellowstone swept most of the first-place votes for the newly named Baldwin Jones Best Batter award, with Kiki Avci claiming plenty of votes, but Demet Cabrera coming out on top with the most-first place votes and overall ballot points to earn the title of batting MVP for Season 2.

Cabrera finished fourth in the league during the regular season with a 1.320 OPS, and among the 48 players with an OPS of 1.000, they had the second-best defensive rating (Outs Above Average) of 24.4.

They slugged an impressive 42 home runs, most in ILB, chipping in 55 doubles and striking out only 40 times.

Defensively, they ranked 17th overall in OAA, holding down the infield for the Magic from First Base and recording an out on almost 80% of the balls hit in their direction.

Their teammate, Avci, does not play quite as good defense back near the wall in center field, but is maybe even better with the bat, leading the league in OPS at 1.432 and hitting 40 triples and 25 homers in Season 2.

Flowers slugger Zack Sanders finished third in the MVP batter voting, one of only two players with over 100 RBIs on the season and third in the league in doubles.

It was Sheri Friday who led the league in doubles, and they come in fourth on our list, with an impressive .393 batting average and 72 doubles.

A full list of results is available at the bottom of the article.

Anastasia Isarobot Memorial Best Pitcher Award

The decision for best pitcher came down to the voters choosing between a pair of aces for The Kansas City Breath Mints.

Hatfield Suzuki claims the top spot in the voting, finishing Season 2 with the best ERA in ILB, the fourth-most strikeouts and the second-best WHIP (walks plus hits allowed per inning pitched).

They allowed only 13 walks all season, striking out 194 batters and allowing only 17 homers.

Their teammate, Plums Blather, was virtually as good as their award-winning teammate, leading the league in strikeouts and WHIP but allowing a few more home runs which must have broken the tie for several voters.

Either way, these two Mints were clearly the best pitchers in the league, and while only one could win, both should be proud of their accomplishments.

Rounding out the voting’s top three is Don Elliott of the resurgent Chicago Firefighters, who finished with the fourth-best ERA and allowed only six walks, leading to a K/BB ratio that ranked third in ILB.

Honorable mention also goes to Brisket Friendo of the Garages, who had the second best FIP in the league and struck out an impressive 209 batters, and Declan Suzanne of the Crabs, who had the second-best ERA in the splort.

Postseason MVP Award

As expected, the champion Sunbeams nearly swept the voting for Postseason MVP, with tide-turning grand slammer Guozhi Ong earning the most votes to claim the trophy. However, the award could have gone to any number of Beams, including Grizz El Sayed and Kajjala Aliyev for countless clutch hits, Dunn Keyes for a great performance on the mound in the final game, or any of the other Moab Hellmouth players listed in the chart above.

Full Results

Best Batter Award:

1. Demet Cabrera, Yellowstone Magic
2. Kiki Avci, Yellowstone Magic
3. Zack Sanders, Boston Flowers
4. Sheri Friday, Core Mechanics
5. Kajjala Aliyev, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
6. Katja Twain, Mexico City Wild Wings
7. Baldwin Jones, Mexico City Wild Wings
8. Grizz El Sayed, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
9. Alvie Kesh, San Francisco Lovers
10. Famous Owens, Hawai’i Fridays
11. Penelope Berkowitz, Charleston Shoe Thieves
12. Roscoe Sundae, Tokyo Lift

Best Pitcher Award:

1. Hatfield Suzuki, Kansas City Breath Mints
2. Plums Blather, Kansas City Breath Mints
3. Don Elliott, Chicago Firefighters
4. Brisket Friendo, Seattle Garages
5. Declan Suzanne, Baltimore Crabs
6. Vernon Sierpinski, Mexico City Wild Wings
7. Dunn Keyes, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
8. Javier Lotus, Boston Flowers
9. Agan Harrison, Dallas Steaks
10. Sexton Wheerer, Hawai’i Fridays
11. Donia Dollie, San Francisco Lovers

Postseason MVP:

1. Guozhi Ong, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
2. Kajjala Aliyev, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
3. Grizz El Sayed, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
4. Dunn Keyes, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
5. Zack Sanders, Boston Flowers
6. Pangolin Ruiz, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
7. Özlem Suttner, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
8. Mooney Doctor, Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
9. Kiki Avci, Yellowstone Magic
10. Donia Dollie, San Francisco Lovers
11. Demet Cabrera, Yellowstone Magic

The post Season 2 (CE) Blaseball MVP Vote Results: Who's Top with Two In The Books? appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

With the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams’ Golden Record Notarized and the election complete, Season 2 of the Coronation Era is now officially a wrap. Let’s take a look at what happened to the League this election.

Decree: Bard Ump

The first big winner of the election was none other than the Bard Umpire, who is now “Bound” to the Book and will serve as the new Crew Chief as we head into Season 3. We don’t know much about what this will mean for the League as a whole, though theories are of course aplenty. 

What we do know: The Bard spent Season 2 cursing players with a “Can’t Lose” curse that left them hopping on bandwagons to join the winning team in each game they play. The sole player who managed to make it all the way to the Championship, Özlem Suttner, lost the curse and is now on the Sunbeams for the foreseeable future.

The other four remain in Awful Evil, the division with the least wins overall in Season 2. (Perhaps they should have gone somewhere else if they wanted to win so badly?)

The Bard Umpire also seems to have a soft spot for Scattered teams. So far, they have not targeted players on Scattered teams with their curse and have ruled in Favor of players on the Tacos, Lovers, and Spies (all Scattered). All three Favored players received stat boosts as a result.

The Big Three Blessings

As for Blessings, going into this election, there were three clear “must try” Blessings that every single team in the ILB seemed to be after. Blessings are a raffle, after all, and all it takes is one vote and a lot of luck. Here are the three teams who cashed in on some great luck this season.

Yellowstone Magic: NEW Pitching Boost

Magic just needed to improve their pitching and defense, or so they’ve been saying. Now, with two back-to-back elections of strong boosts covering both Pitching (S2) and Defense (S1), Yellowstone has everything they need.

LA Unlimited Tacos: NEW Batting Boost

Winning the same boost that helped carry the Sunbeams to their S2 championship, the Tacos are one of the biggest winners of the S2 election. The NEW Batting Boost puts the Tacos’ bats at second overall in the league by stars. Congratulations to Erin Beanbag in particular for learning which end of the bat to hold.

Canada Moist Talkers: Wind Sprints

Wow it really happened again huh. one person in canada typed “vote, wimdy?” into aol dot com and Blaseball said “well you gotta hand it to them, they make a compelling case”. Congrats to the Talkers on receiving Wind Sprints, catapulting them to the highest rated Defense and fifth highest rated Running league-wide.

All According to Plan

There were also three teams with more unique plans this election who managed to win their top picks. From ridding themselves of unwanted players to chasing plot, here are the teams who managed to pull it off:

Houston Spies: Knight Strike

It was all part of ||The Plan||. After wimdying Strike Zero last election and earning “Strike 1,” ||The Spies|| went all-in to find out exactly what happens when someone presses the funny red button labeled “DANGER.” Winning the Knight Strike Blessing, the Spies earned themselves “Strike 2” and sent Mechs’ pitcher Chibodee Alighieri on a mysterious Side Quest in the Shadows. 

The Mechs’ replacement is a small step down but it won’t change much for S3 for the Mechs. For the Spies, it is likely a relief that their own curiosity didn’t have more devastating impacts for their Awful, Evil neighbors.

Mexico City Wild Wings: Shadow Play

Two seasons in a row ain’t bad! With 25% of the votes, the Wild Wings were able to banish Baker Caster to the Shadows, despite the sim deleting them from the game for a short time instead. While they had surely hoped to pull Fletcher Peck or questing Letitia Diop from the Shadows, Atma Blueberry is still a significant improvement at bat over Caster. While Blueberry is also a defensive liability, Caster was hardly a star on defense. With 28.7 Outs Above Average Jefferson de la Cruz sitting at Left Field above Blueberry, their bad defense will hopefully be mitigated.

Kansas City Breath Mints: Yeet

With nearly a quarter of the votes, the Mints decisively Yeeted Jesse Tredwell—one of the worst batters in the league—back into the Black Hole. In return, they received  Vernon Glump, who has very high Sight and Thwack but very low Ferocity. This unusual spread means we don’t have much of an idea of how they will perform, but they will surely be better than Jesse. Surely. A small improvement for the Mints, who were once again trying to fix their offense, badly hurt by losing top batter Mindy Kugel. Plus, Jesse was a liability in the infield, and though Glump isn’t much better, they should see much less action in left high field – another silver lining.

Something is Better than Nothing

For those who missed out on the big Blessings, five more teams still managed to win Blessings that should improve the team at least some.

New York Millennials: Ball Hawk

The Mills won one of their secondary picks, Ball Hawk, offering a small improvement to their fielding. Ren Hunter, one of the Mills’ better defenders, is now at midfield with a nice boost to Reach to cover more of the field. While it won’t solve all of the Mills’ woes, it is certainly a step in the right direction.

Boston Flowers: Strong Start

Winning Strong Start was surely not the Flowers’ first pick, but it’s not without some likely benefits. Their most powerful hitters are now back to back at the start of the lineup, rather than scattered between mediocre to bad hitters. This should give the Flowers more chances to pull off rallies and avoid the disappointment of their best hitters left stranded in scoring position. Only time will tell though how much this helps the teams’ offense.

Charleston Shoe Thieves: Telekenesis

With a wimdy vote for Telekinesis, Kit Adamses got a nice boost to control, which should result in fewer balls and walks. It probably won’t be enough to give the Thieves a real edge in the highly competitive Awful Good division, but it may help win a few matchups. A shame it wasn’t a batting boost.

Technically, It Was a Blessing

And then there were the Blessings that, all in all, probably won’t really change much at all. In the hands of other teams or with some better rolls, some of these might have been a nice improvement, but alas. 

Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams: Learn to Defend

Among one of the funnier election results, The Sunbeams wimdied Learn to Defend, rerolling Guozhi Ong’s defensive stats. It seems the training camp Ong went to was, however, mostly a pamphlet that said “don’t.” It certainly won’t help Beams’ defense much, but the Beams already proved they don’t need defense to win a championship.

San Francisco Lovers: Magnetic Fielder

Another defense blessing, another funny result, as the Lovers won Magnetic Fielder, giving Alvie Kesh a rather unnecessary boost to magnet. Kesh fielded only 7% of plays for the Lovers last season and is expected to continue to make no effort to cover any other portion of the field. In the rare cases the ball flies directly to Kesh, however, Kesh will do a great job fielding those plays.

Chicago Firefighters: Dark Matter

After winning the Dark Matter blessing, the Fighters’ active roster looks, well, exactly the same as it did before. All five players went to the team’s Shadows, so it remains to be seen when any of these players might actually see play. Stats-wise, the Fighters got a few players who’d be a step up from others on their active roster, though no true standouts. The Fighters also got the return of an OG, Grit Watson, who has yet to see play in any known era but has many long-time (and lore-minded) fans excited. 

The Strikes

Finally, there were the Strikes. While the Spies had hoped to hedge their bets and encouraged all teams in Awful Evil to go for a Strike in the case that getting hit might increase the Spies’ Strike count, it seemed none of the coordinated voting teams on the official Blaseball fan chat had any real interest in striking other teams. That left these Blessings as generally uncompetitive and not particularly beloved by the teams that won or got hit by them, save for the Spies above.

Tokyo Lift: Rogue Strike (Ohio Worms)

While Lift fans posting on public forums had no plans to go for Rogue Strike, the blessing showed up in the team’s top three early in the season and stayed there, ultimately resulting in the Lift striking the Worms. (On the bright side, it seems at least one Lift fan on a message board was happy about the result.) Mediocre pitcher Johnnyboy Aster of the Ohio Worms was incinerated and replaced by mediocre pitcher Luis Baron. It turns out that even when something happens in Ohio, nothing really happens in Ohio. The Lift now have Strike 1.

Atlantis Georgias: Bard Strike (Houston Spies)

Speaking of the Worms though, former Worms player Scratch Deleuze was hit by the Bard’s Curse, giving hope for Worms’ fans that their beloved Expansion Era star might return briefly to Ohio. Scratch was a poetic target for the Georgias, too, who won the blessing with what was the smallest winning vote count so far this era (less than 200 votes total). Scratch, along with other Worms players, had earned a spot among Georgias’ fans’ (light-hearted) “Enemies List” for repeated painful losses to the Worms in the Expansion Era. The Georgias now have Strike 1.

Core Mechanics: Mage Strike (Dallas Steaks)

Rounding out the Strikes, the Mechs claimed the Mage Strike, alternating Steaks’ Buried player Yams Sokol. As with the Lift, this wasn’t a blessing Mechs’ fans on publicly wanted, given the franchise’s painful history with Alternates. Still, the blessing stayed in their top three on the ballot all week, with support coming from somewhere else. For the Steaks, Sokol might be a marginally better hitter or pitcher now, should they somehow get un-Buried and see play, though their defense took a significant hit. The Mechs now have Strike 1.

Everyone Else

Of course, with only 15 blessings up for grabs and 24 teams competing for them, seven teams had a completely uneventful election, with two more (Steaks and Worms) getting nothing more than the receiving end of another team’s strike. Those seven unaffected teams, for reference, were: 

• Miami Dale
• Baltimore Crabs
• Philly Pies
• Hades Tigers
• Broken Ridge Jazz Hands
• Hawai’i Fridays
• Seattle Garages

The post Season 2 Blaseball Election: What Happened? appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Wow. That really did happen. Everyone said we’d be the best and then… we… were the best? Honestly that was one of the outcomes I wasn’t expecting. But, since that might not make sense to some other fans, I wanted to let people in on how it felt to be a Hellmouth Sunbeams fan recently.

Stage 1: Hubris Rising

On January 15th, 2023, the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, who had been eliminated in the first round of the playoffs the previous day, won the Batting Boost blessing. In the previous season, the Sunbeams had the second best offense, behind only the Mexico City Wild Wings. With this boost, and a few unfortunate events that happened to the Wings, the Sunbeams would be going into Coronation Season 2 with over a full star on average above any other team. This may be the greatest disparity in stats that any team has ever begun a season with.

The Sunbeams were riding a high, but were cautious. Long has it been an adage that you never Estimate the Sunbeams, but under certain circumstances, it’s hard to avoid. BNN’s power rankings put the Hellmouth Sunbeams at a solid #1, nearly unanimous, and even members of the community were starting to believe the Sunbeams could take it all. Many of the Sunbeams fans began, instead, to speculate on what it would be that would take us down the peg we deserved to descend. Would it be the new umps and their mysterious weather? Would it be the Sunbeams themselves, tanking against all odds?

Stage 2: It would be the Hellmouth Sunbeams

As the season began the next week, things got out to an expected start, winning the first 2 games against the struggling Millennials by scoring 16 runs. Things immediately turned dramatically, as the Sunbeams lost their next game with a score of 9 to 4. But hey, this was Grollis Zephyr pitching, who had a rocky Season 1, so it’s probably fine, right? And the next team up was the Tokyo Lift, the only team in the ILB with lower average defense. AND the next two pitchers were Dunn Keyes and Mooney Doctor, both of whom received votes during Season 1 as pitching MVPs for their sub 3 ERA. A 5-1 record was sure to follow.

But it didn’t. Dunn and Mooney gave up 11 and 10 runs respectively as the Lift took the series, leaving the Sunbeams at a shocked 3-3. It seemed like things were going to go the way of Beta Season 13, when the Sunbeams gained Aldon Cashmoney and performed worse despite it. Cries of WHERE IS BNN rang out through the halls of the Solarium. I began to fear for my life, knowing that I, who had estimated the Beams, was at risk of being charged by the fans I so loved.

After subsequent series against the Georgias, Shoe Thieves, and Dale, the Hellmouth Sunbeams sat at a somewhat disappointing 8-7. Would things ever turn around in the Beams favor?

Stage 3: Yep!

Immediately, the Hellmouth Sunbeams proceeded to sweep the Pies, Tacos, and Magic before taking 4 games off the defending champion Shoe Thieves in a 6 game stand. With their record now at a much more comfortable 21-9, the Sunbeams would then proceed to only lose 10 more games over the rest of the season, at one point winning an astonishing 18 consecutive games from Day 54 to Day 71, easily a New Era record.

However, this isn’t the biggest shock of the season. While the Hellmouth Sunbeams had managed to dodge their own early sabotage efforts, they still had to dodge something else: the weather tearing other teams apart. As fan favorites like Inky Rutledge and Beef Knight, the increasingly perceived Sunbeams… simply did not catch the eye of the Umpires. Not a single weather event occurred to the Sunbeams. No Favors, no deaths, no alternates, no dodges. The Sunbeams entered the Season 2 playoffs the exact same way they entered.

Stage 3.5: So how good were the Sunbeams?

I just want to take a second here to focus on how good the Sunbeams were this season. Some records are spotty while SIBR gets their tools together, but we know that the Sunbeams scored at least 731 runs. Over 90 games, this averages to 8.12 runs per game. The Sunbeams almost 1 average ferocity (.997) led to an astounding 2.6 Home Runs per game.

Perhaps most astonishing is that amongst the permanent lineup, the Sunbeams lowest OPS was Cory Ross with a .913 (lending itself to an OPS+ of 111.043). The Sunbeams worst batter was a not-insignificant amount above average. In fact, Cory Ross would have been the #1 batter by OPS on the Chicago Firefighters, and in the top 3 of many other teams.

There were many outstanding individual stars on other teams. Kiki Avci ruined slugging numbers, Demet Cabrera, Zack Sanders, and Sheri Friday (RIA) had ridiculous seasons, but what the Sunbeams had was a tight, consistent lineup with no holes. The team’s average OPS of 1.043 would place, itself, in the top 40 batters with an OPS+ greater than 125.

But they often say that Defense and Pitching are what wins championships, so would that be the case?

Stage 4: The Playoffs

The Sunbeams would first fight off the energized Lovers in 4 games, losing game 2, and completely ignoring the metaphorical symbolism of a player named Icarus crashing to the field in Game 3.

An unfortunate scheduling error (which this reporter won’t go into too deeply in this article) would see the Awful Good Sunbeams playing for the Evil Conference championships against the Hawai’i Fridays. Though the Beams would drop the first game in this series, a quick sweep of the next 3 games was enough to set the squad up for the Finals.

And the finals would be against the Boston Flowers.

Tension was MASSIVE in these games, reader. Games 1, 2, and 3 were as close as could be, all of them being decided by a single run, with runs being scored late in both games. Game 3 would see Guozhi Ong hit a grand slam with 2 outs in the top of the 8th (why were all the games in Boston, anyway?) to take the lead 6-3, a lead which almost evaporated as the Flowers scored 2 runs in the bottom of the ninth.

But having won 2 of these incredibly close, hard fought, tension filled games, the Beams headed into game 4 behind their ace Dunn Keyes, ready to try to claw out another game. But then Team Leadoff and Unofficial Captain Pangolin Ruiz blasted the very first pitch out of play, putting the Hellmouth Sunbeams up 1-0. This would be followed by a Cravel Gesundheit home run in the top of the 2nd, and just two batters later, Ruiz would take another first pitch to the fence for a second home run, leading to a 6-0 Sunbeams lead. It never really felt close after that. The Flowers put up 2 runs later in the game, but the Sunbeams always had an answer, and won the game in anticlimactic fashion, 12-2.

And so the Sunbeams had done it. Despite the danger and estimation, the Sunbeams emerged over their rivals and anti-rivals, and had their golden record stamped at 71-19.

And this reporter, my dear reader, cried out in vindication. Because sometimes, it’s not estimation. Sometimes, it’s just reporting. And that’s what we did this season. We reported the strength of the Sunbeams, and they came through.

Will this strength last throughout Season 3? Will we report or will we estimate? Only time will tell.

Stare Into the Sun, reader. I’ll be right there next to you, trying to keep my hubris in check, and failing.

Written by Panama Dan (https://twitter.com/PandaSunbeams)

The post The Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 2: A Retrospective appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

I’d estimated the Beams (because it’s my job), and I was getting a LITTLE tired of having handfuls of beans thrown at me.

So I decided it was time to get down to one of the great mysteries of Blaseball prehistory: What happened to the Fishblades?

I’ll spare the reader some of the literal mud I had to trek through, as well as the day where I was in a New Orleans parade (Which is weird, because it’s January). On a tip from Clip, a fellow reporter embedded with the Mills, I was in the Florida panhandle. We were talking one day, and the subject of the Fishblades came up. Clip thought for a moment, and said “Wasn’t there an old issue of Prime Material Enquestioner that mentioned the Fishblades? I think they mentioned Florida, Tallahassee maybe? Not sure how much you can trust it though, that’s an old rag for sure.” Maybe another reporter wouldn’t have immediately stood up, and begun walking to Florida, but by now, reader, you know that I’m not another reporter. The thing that nobody could predict is that it paid off. After days of searching, I finally found it. It was there, behind a false wall in the concession stand at Florida State University’s Dick Howser Stadium. I held it in my hands, shaking, realizing what it was that I had. Proof that the Tallahassee Fishblades had existed. A partial recording of a game between the Tallahassee Fishblades and the Martin Goncharovs.

The footage was… old, distorted. After I watched it, I could only pick out one name, the name of the ace pitcher for the Tallahassee Fishblades, Ulrik Fenestrate. The footage was of the bottom of the sixth inning. The first batter stepped up to the plate, a name whispered in distortion, and a face that was blurry, as though it always had been. Ulrik wound up, and released the ball. It was a pitch like I’d never seen before, seemingly swimming against the current, forcing itself to the plate in a way that seemed to be in defiance of the nature of reality itself, and at the last moment, it exploded forward in a flash, blowing past the batter in an instant. I could barely understand what I was seeing. How was this possible? Was the air thicker with immateria then? Did the Salmon themselves control weather patterns in this stadium?

Reader, it was a sight to behold.

UNFORTUNATELY after watching this footage, I spilled my Seven Helleven Blig Gulp on the reel, rendering it unwatchable, but I have my top scientists working on recovering the footage. Someday, I will bring this technique back to the league.

I took the opportunity to stand on the field at Dick Howser Stadium. I wondered, was this the field upon which Ulrik through that mighty pitch? Was this field rebuilt upon the wreckage of something destroyed from prehistory? Was it a coincidence that these things were connected? I couldn’t know, and so, I left.

But that was it. That was the only proof I could find. I searched the Florida panhandle for as long as I could (Almost 3 hours), but I couldn’t find the stadium or anyone else who had heard of the team. And, while I did ruin my proof, now I know for sure that the Fishblades existed. I’ve heard another rumor, about a lost European nation called “Listenbourg” that may have been in the same league, so I’m off to Spain to investigate further.

Remember, as always, to Stare Into The Sun.

-Panama Dan

The post The Tallahassee Fishblades: An Expose appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

I am sure if you asked any Sunbeams fan how they’re feeling about the second season of Blaseball’s new Coronation Era, they’d tell you they’re a bit nervous about all the attention they’re getting.

But the attention is for good reason, as one of the league’s top teams spent the election getting stronger and seems poised to have a great season. After finishing Season N1 with a record of 66-24, the Beams swept the Miami Dale only to stumble and have their kicks taken by the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the second round of the Post Season. But that’s the same Charleston team that finished below the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams in the Awful Good division during the Regular Season.

So, what should we expect from the Estimated Sunbeams and the rest of Blaseball in this upcoming season in the Coronation Era? Here’s a preview of every division, including our panel of power rankers’ predictions for how each division will finish.

Awful Good

Predicted order of finish:

1. Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams (No. 1 overall)
2. Charleston Shoe Thieves (No. 2 overall)
3. Baltimore Crabs (No. 12 overall)
4. Miami Dale (No. 13 overall)
5. Philly Pies (No. 15 overall)
6. Hades Tigers (No. 20 overall)

While this writer (Firewall Andrews) thinks the Shoe Thieves are the best team in the league, most of our rankings panel picked the Sunbeams, so they get the top spot in the division prediction. However, the panel did put these teams at the top of the overall rankings together, so expect a close fight and a serious title run from whichever team wins the division.

Beyond the two powerhouses, there are three middling teams in the Crabs, Dale and Pies. Miami made the playoffs and saw its roster shuffled a bit with randomized players, but it remains to be seen if they improved enough to take a big step forward in Season 2. The Crabs added the best batter in the Black Hole, but that alone won’t be enough to shore up their roster, and they should struggle to keep up with the Sunbeams and Thieves. The Pies have a solid but unspectacular team destined for a middle-of-the-road finish.

And the Tigers have Zephyr McCloud, who is very good, but will also be very interesting to watch given their curse. So this is a division with lots of great storylines entering the new season.

Chaotic Good

Predicted order of finish:

1. The Kansas City Breath Mints (No. 5 overall)
2. Boston Flowers (No. 11 overall)
3. San Francisco Lovers (No. 16 overall)
4. Canada Moist Talkers (No. 19 overall)
5. New York Millennials (No. 21 overall)
6. LA Unlimited Tacos (No. 23 overall)

The Mints were one of four teams to go over 60 wins in Season 1 and return a solid roster that went unchanged in the offseason. They bump down to No. 5 overall following a fourth-place overall finish as the Yellowstone Magic are projected to jump them in overall standing based on our panel’s picks. I’m not so sure, and I think the Mints should coast to another 60-win season and playoff berth (birth? is that still a thing?).

The Flowers grew as a group over the offseason via the election and are a team with a lot of promise. This could be one of the top pitching and defense teams in the splort, and I think No. 11 overall is a bit low for Boston. They might give the Mints some trouble but likely finish as a runner-up with a solid shot at the playoffs alongside the Thieves, Beams and Mints.

The rest of this division is going to struggle, especially with all the games they’re going to have to play against Kansas City and Boston. None of the teams really got any better in the offseason, and the Moist Talkers losing Simon Haley probably makes them a good bit worse. The Season 2 elections will be very important for these four squads.

Awful Evil

Predicted order of finish:

1. Atlantis Georgias (No. 6 overall)
2. Core Mechanics (No. 9 overall)
3. Broken Ridge Jazz Hands (No. 10 overall)
4. Houston Spies (No. 14 overall)
5. Dallas Steaks (No. 18 overall)
6. Chicago Firefighters (No. 24 overall)

This is definitely a division to watch, as any of four teams could realistically pick up the division title in Season 2. The favorites are definitely Atlantis, with a solid pitching staff and long-time blaseballer Beck Whitney leading a good offense.

But the Core Mechanics have an optimized lineup and promising pitching of their own, the Jazz Hands got a big pitching boost in the offseason to support that was top 10 in OPS a season ago, and the Spies are long shots, but Terrell Bradley’s alternate is still quite the player and the offense in Houston can hit.

Hello, Steaks!

And the poor Firefighters not only missed out on team-improving blessings, but got tossed a terrible batter by a Houston wimdy of a blessing. Sorry, Chicago.

Chaotic Evil

Predicted order of finish:

1. Mexico City Wild Wings (No. 3 overall)
2. Yellowstone Magic (No. 4 overall)
3. Seattle Garages (No. 7 overall)
4. Hawai’i Fridays (No. 8 overall)
5. Ohio Worms (No. 18 overall)
6. Tokyo Lift (No. 22 overall)

If the Awful Evil is “a division to watch,” this is “THE division to watch.” Loaded with four of our top 10 teams in the power rankings, the Chaotic Evil will see the Wild Wings, downgraded by some awful misfortune and a noteworthy incineration, chased by the upgraded Magic and Garages and the slightly shored up Fridays.

These are four genuinely good teams and it’s hard to pick a favorite, because most of what we knew about the dominant Wild Wings team of a season ago is not going to be there to start this season. James Boy does return, but without Fletcher Peck and Anastasia Isarobot on the main roster, it’s left the door wide open for Kiki Avci and the Magic to make a real run at a division title.

Don’t count out the Garages or Fridays, who both finished ahead of the Magic last season, and while their blessings might not have seemed as flashy and fun as the one Yellowstone got, I wouldn’t say either team should be discounted as a true contender for this division.

The post Blaseball Season CE2 Preview: Estimating the Sunbeams appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Most Valuable Boston Flower: Could it be Jenkins Ingram? Jenkins is not the most talented batter, despite being at the head of the Boston Flowers lineup. Jenkins is not the best defender, despite attempting to field 485 of the 2,508 balls fielded by the team. However, that earnestness to be the one to call out, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” sets them apart from the rest of the line-up.

Let’s start with the facts, brought by the teams at SIBR and Blaseball.

Jenkins Ingram joined the Boston Flowers as a S1 Shadow. In seasons 22 and 23, Jenkins batted and pitched. Their BA and ERA weren’t great. Then, after the Fall, in Season N1, Jenkins Ingram was found to be the first batter in the Boston Flowers lineup. 

Let’s start with the first Season of Boston Flowers Fielding.
Jenkins is obviously fielding a lot of plays. As the player standing at third base, Ingram is in prime territory for grabbing hit balls on the left side of infield as well as nearby.

In the league as a whole: 15,122 hits went to the left, 11,350 hits went to center, and 10,024 hits went right.  Jenkins fielded 170 plays in the Infield, 97 Left Field, 44 Right Field, 48 Center.

Their Reach of 0.893 and Magnet of 0.102 combine together to give the Flowers a dominant defender that they’re fervently wishing would stay in the Infield. (Jenkins was about 75% successful at getting outs in the Infield, versus 59% successful at getting outs in the Outfield.)

Competing against Ramirez Winters of the Baltimore Crabs for best defender at third base, Jenkins’ 485 defensive plays are comparable to Ramirez’s 451. Ramirez boasted a 0.928 Magnet attribute, which perhaps provides them with their 81% out success rate overall. Ramirez’s 0.753 Reach left them wanting in some areas however: In Deep Left Field Ramirez would only show up 5 times and allow 3 hits, whereas Jenkins made it 9 times and allowed 1 hit. (Ramirez is 83% successful at getting outs in the Infield, versus 77% successful in the outfield.) It should be noted that the Crab’s Outfield has 5 defenders, vs the Boston Flowers 4, both of which could impact how often they each choose to go for a ball there, especially considering the utter lack of a Deep Center Field defender for the Flowers. 

On to Batting!
Jenkins’ experience batting in 388 at bats (AB) brought only a 0.211 batting average (BA) lags behind Zack Sanders’ 0.298 BA. (That’s right, Flowers fans, the leader in triples Zack Sanders didn’t clear a 0.300 BA; let’s hope that the bats bloom in Season N2 after that Team Boost!) Jenkins improving as a batter could prove very useful: they are one of six full switch hitters in the ILB, and the only non-right-handed batter in the Flowers Line-Up. If the placement of hits matters, this means Jenkins is equally likely to hit to the left or right fields (and almost as likely to hit to center). Sadly, it looks like all of Chaotic Good has right fielders aplenty, so this advantage may not often come up. It could matter in a match-up against the Yellowstone Magic however, as they have fewer players there and are likely to be one of the top defending teams in Blaseball this upcoming season. 

As the fourth best batter for making successful hits, Jenkins trails behind Zack Sanders, Zelda Highway, and Duha Kamara. Similarly, Jenkins at 18 walks for the season is behind Jessica Telephone at 23, Duha Kamara at 21, and Skylar Khan at 20, while tied with Daniel Mendoza.

Ingram is leading the team in a few areas however! With 45 singles, Jenkins is only closely matched by Duha at 42 Singles, as the rest of the team are all sub 30 in the stat. Now, the rest of the Boston Flowers have as many (Skylar Khan) or more (the other 6 Flowers) doubles so that might not mean much. But that doesn’t stop Jenkins in being tied for most RBI on the team at 38 with Zelda Highway. The tie for most home runs certainly doesn’t hurt either! (Tied at 8 with Duha.) 

Anyways, thanks for reading this far. It turns out that, according on Astrology, Zelda Highway is the best player by overall stars in Blaseball. All the above about Jenkins Ingram is true, but it looks like Zelda Highway is either good at, great at, or decent at everything but Stuff. A former Tokyo Lift Shadow player, Zelda fell onto the Flowers and brought with a level of star power we haven’t seen on the Flowers since Nagomi Mcdaniel or the original Jaylen Hotdogfingers. But this time, Zelda is doing the thing she should be doing: Batting! 

In 314 AB, Zelda got 91 hits, struck out 59 times and had 8 walks. 49 doubles (22^nd overall in Doubles),  13 Triples (tied for 9^th overall). At 0.28981 BA, Zelda trails behind Zack Sanders in most categories, but also 72 fewer at bats than Zack. They had the same amount of home runs, and Zelda hit one more single. Zelda is tied for most RBI, and is also in the traditional Jacob Haynes position on the line-up: last batter. And this is despite Zelda following Skylar, Kelvin, and Dervin!

Zelda fielded the second most hit balls at 347 (where-as Zack only fielded 188) and only allowed 67 hits. At 280 outs, she sits at 80.69% of her fielding plays resulting in outs, and that is while being the Boston Flowers Back Flanker. As one of eight Back Flankers in the league, how does she rate? 

• 1. Zelda Highway of the Boston Flowers at 80.69% Plays with Outs (PwO)
• 2. Deion Gamage of the Seattle Garages at 79.17% PwO
• 3. Chambers Kennedy of the Core Mechanics at 78.96% PwO
• 4. Wanda Schenn of the San Francisco Lovers at 78.90% PwO
• 5. Mindy Kugel of the Kansas City Breath Mints at 77.93% PwO
• 6. Sigmund Castillo of the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands at 75% PwO
• 7. Donia Bailey of the LA Unlimited Tacos 70.27% PwO
• 8. Soojin Gloom of the LA Unlimited Tacos at 66.95% (PwO)

She’s the best Back Flanker in the ILB, before the Team Boost. After the Team Boost, she is now the first among the Stars. (Tiera Wigdoubt, the best batter pulled from the Horizon? 96^th on overall stars.) I hesitate to have one of our own estimated, but here’s the truth: Zelda Highway is the Boston Flower to watch bloom this upcoming season!

–Barswanian

The post Boston Flowers to Watch: Jenkins Ingram and Zelda Highway appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Blaseball has returned, and so have the talented athletes who take to the Field every day and play the games. But not every player is equal. Some are better than others. Some are the best. We’re here to talk about the best.

Many thanks to Dargo4#2798 on Discord for organizing the first Most Valuable Player voting of the new era, which let a panel of Blaseball statisticians and observers vote on the best batters and pitchers of Season 1, plus the postseason MVP and some honorable mentions.

So without any more delay, here are the best players from Season 1 of the Coronation Era of Blaseball.

Best Batter Award

Dargo’s panel named five players per ballot, and across 24 ballots, every single ballot contained one name: Fletcher Peck.

The Mexico City Wild Wings’ batter finished with 24 home runs, tied for seventh in ILB, and a 1.234 OPS that was second among full-time players behind only Kiki Avci.

Peck also played sound defense, recording an out on over 78% of the balls hit in their direction, which ranks comfortably in the top half of ILB defenders.

Doing all of this as the league’s RBI leader and second-best run scorer was more than enough to cement their status as the near-consensus MVP of the first season of the era.

Anastasia Isarobot Memorial Best Pitcher Award

The winner of the first Best Pitcher Award of the era is also the new namesake for the award, as they will be honored posthumously after being the target of an incineration by the Umpires following the opening of the Forbidden Book in the Season 1 elections.

Anastasia Isarobot was the only pitcher to top 200 strikeouts in Season 1, finishing with a 2.24 ERA and a 17-1 record on the mound. They also issued only four walks, the second-lowest total in the league behind Randy Dennis of the Flowers.

Isarobot was a star in the league and their talents will be missed, but their legacy lives on through this award.

BNN Postseason MVP Award

While the Wild Wings sweep the Regular Season awards, it was the Shoe Thieves who snuck into the Internet Series and ran away with the victory.

With that in mind, it was their unlikely hero, Ankle Halifax, who gets the nod as Postseason MVP. With several clutch hits in the Post Season, including multiple home runs in the Internet Series and the Series-deciding hit to win it all for Charleston, they stood out ahead of teammate Penelope Berkowitz, who provided world-class defense for the Thieves throughout the playoffs.

Honorable Mentions

Your guess is as good as ours, but here are some players the panel wished to shout out!

Full results

Best Pitcher Award:

1. Anastasia Isarobot
2. Marco Escobar
3. Plums Blather
4. Mehdi Caper
5. Dunn Keyes
6. Mooney Doctor
7. Premjeet Liu
8. Erin Jesaulenko
9. Waverly Mori
10. Malik Romayne

Best Batter Award:

1. Fletcher Peck
2. Kiki Avci
3. Stretch Sutton
4. Katja Twain
5. Baldwin Jones
6. Jorge Owens
7. Mckinney Vaughan
8. Sheri Friday
9. Jammy Decksetter
10. Jira Sealegs
11. Demet Cabrera

Postseason MVP:

1. Ankle Halifax
2. Penelope Berkowitz
3. Fletcher Peck
4. Kaj Statter Jr.
5. Yusef Puddles
6. Fish Summer
7. Anastasia Isarobot
8. Alexandria Rosales

Honorable Mentions:

• Demet Cabrera
• James Boy
• Malin Hsu
• Penelope Berkowitz
• Premjeet Liu
• Yusef Puddles
• Allan Kranch
• Anastasia Isarobot
• Baldwin Jones
• Beck Whitney
• Blimp Hardison
• Elijah Valenzuela
• Elip Dean
• Emmet Atomic
• Fletcher Peck
• Grizz El-Sayid
• Hatfield Suzuki
• Jammy Decksetter
• Jefferson de la Cruz
• Jorge Owens
• Lorcan Smaht
• Mordecai Kingbird
• Nathaniel Wilds
• Nori Bluegrass
• Ovid Schofield
• Randy Dennis
• Roscoe Sundae
• Scratch Deleuze
• Son Jensen
• Stevenson Heat
• Terrel Bradley
• Vanille Okidoke
• Waverly Mori
• whichever ffs pitcher had the sub 2 ERA
• Zack Sanders

The post Who were the MVPs of Season 1 of the Coronation Era of Blaseball? appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Compiled by Cat Stlats

Season N1 gave us so much to consider, and not just stars and stats, but rules, regulations, and finally seeing how the game is going to be approached in this new era. With the season and finals in the books, it’s time for our seasonal Power Rankings, and what Power Rankings these are!

With the additional time available between seasons, our writers stepped up in every way, with networking out to more new contributors, a quality of analysis, and the largest number of power rankings ever submitted (TWENTY SEVEN)! Thank you everyone for that, you are all BNN. With that, a quick reminder that teams will be ranked by tiers, from Awful to Good, with a Hubris Index to show how much the writers agree (the lower the Hubris Index, the more the Writers agreed). All Estimations are the opinions of BNN and not stated as fact. That is, other than the Sunbeams, because this is the season of the Beams, and even Panama Dan knows it. This is your Season N2 Power Rankings, happy Blaseballing!

Awful

Chicago Firefighters

Hubris Index: 1.28

Listen, I’ve been with this team since Season 2 of Beta, so I’m going to level with you. The Firefighters don’t look good. They look maybe the worst they ever have. We came into Season N1 with amazing losing record, and quickly realized that we had two options: Improve, or Plateau.

In true Chicago fashion, we have had a third, worse answer thrust upon us: Get Worse. The [REDACTED] Houston Spies have delivered unto us Shaquille Torres, who, despite improving our batting by .2 stars overall, is still awful. This also extends the lineup so our semi-competent batters (citation needed) hit the ball even less.

Not to be dramatic, but Chicago is doomed. Our offense is bad, our defense is middling, our pitching is bad. We will pray again for blessings, but without Wills we simply have limited tools to enact change upon our team. For those of you with a sense of love and care in your hearts, I urge you to stop your reading here.

For those of you who are sickos like me, we can only pray that Season N2 brings with it a volley of Eclipse weather so we can roll these clowns again and pray for Wild Wings like results.

That’s Chicago Sports, baby!

–Riley H (@ChiBlaseball)

Los Angeles Unlimited Tacos

Hubris Index: 1.92

Last place in our subleague, thankfully Relegation doesn’t pass. We whiff on blessings to potentially improve two of the worst hitters in the league, Wanda Pothos and Moses Simmons. Wait no…Nigel Candy and Pernelongo al Wazir. There we go.

The best Taco pitcher (Sexton Wheeler, sorry I meant Tot Best) is slightly above average and would be last on some rotations in the league. Most of all we have Comfort Glover Yulia Skitter who would be much better suited at bat than on the mound and Patel Beyonce Jenkins Good who would be much better suited on the mound than at bat.

Overall, there is nothing NEW about the Tacos NEW Season 1 and the expectation is that our NEW Season 2 would be more of the same checks history book so, a slightly improved record but still one of the worst teams in the league according to this. Yeah, that seems correct.

–DeeJay

My esteemed colleague DeeJay’s assessment is mostly accurate, with one minor quibble: there’s no way the Tacos’ record is gonna improve.

–Benjy

Tokyo Lift

Hubris Index: 1.85

Lift bad.

After beating the firefighters to partytime and then playing like Hall to not be in the path of Relegation just in case, the Lift managed to win a blessing! Unfortunately, it’ll take more than one blessing to fix whatever’s happening in Tokyo, but fortunately we made our worst batter Red Hot, whatever that does. Suffice to say, we will be closer to party than parade for a long while.

-Spotter Pandora

New season, new universe, same party time host. I am inclined to say the Lift were robbed. I’d like to see what would happen if YOUR team played peak Mexico City 21 times!

Lift have a decent batting core with a few holes that fail to capitalize on opportunities. Pitching is fine. Gumdrop can’t seem to hold onto a ball to save their life. They aren’t the greatest team in the league, but Tokyo certainly isn’t the worst.

What the heck is a zone?

-Malst

New York Millennials

Hubris Index: 1.48

Nothing happened to the Millennials. Maybe that’s a good thing? Zephyr McCloud now “Cannot Lose”. Simon Haley went on a “Quest”. Terrell Bradley was Alternated. Former Firefighters Shadow and Wild Wings MVP Anastasia Isarobot was Incinerated.

From our first Season of the new Era, Ren Hunter was our top defender. Hernando Winter was our best hitter. Bennett Bluesky was our best pitcher. Best is relative, of course. This is a Team with a lot of work to do. Nothing happens to the Millennials.

The only element of note appears to be the potential recruitment of former Jazz Hand and brief Tiger (through a Feedback dance with Famous Owens at the Pocket’s LCD Soundsystem) Spears Rogers, who was seen falling to the Millennials/Lovers on Game 24.

Maybe Spears Rogers will be found.

Maybe Enhanced Party Time will arrive.

Maybe the Millennials will win a Blessing.

Maybe something will happen to the Millennials in Season N2.

–Clip Clipperson

Hades Tigers

Hubris Index: 2.89

Well, the team from WAY down under did not start off the NEW* era very well, finishing last in the second-worst division in Blaseball and posting an uncharacteristically poor record.

On the bright side, Mehdi Caper posted the best ERA in the league, Stevenson Heat is easily one of the best fielders in the league, and Zephyr McCloud had a solid power hitting season. In addition, the Tigers were lucky enough to have the best defense in terms of stats in the entire league!

On the not-so-bright side, the Tigers have three bad pitchers, some of the most atrocious hitting in the league, and are in a division with the Shoe Thieves, the defending champions who now have the best pitcher in the league, the Beams, who have far and away the best hitting in the league, the Crabs, who have the best batter in the league, and the Dale, a season N1 playoff team that improved some of their weaker players. And also the Pies, I guess.

In the election, the Tigers won the ‘Yeet’ blessing, sending their worst player, Eddie Tumblehome, into the black hole, or, uh, Philly I guess. The black hole supposedly burped out Frazier Tosser in return, but several sources have confirmed that he is buried under an inordinate amount of sand, and will need some time getting unburied. Plus, the opening of the book led to Zephyr McCloud gaining the modification ‘Can’t Lose,’ which means that he cannot lose. Surely this can only be a good thing! After all, nothing bad has ever happened to the Hades Tigers.

Expect more of the same in season N2 for the Tigers. At best they’ll do alright, at worst, uh oh. Fortunately, with some smart election planning and a little luck, the Tigers can start building their team around their stronger pieces like Caper, Jackson, and McCloud. It won’t happen right away, but success may not be far off for this NEW* Tigers team.

-benoak1999

One blind jump into the River Styx later and Hades comes out all the worse for wear in the conclusion of NEW Season One. I was really anxious about their future prospects. Boasting one of the highest defensive rosters in the league and an invaluable fielder in the form of Stevenson Heat, it looked like the Tigers were set to defend the gates of Taenarum with the fury of a wild animal. Yet within the same breath, the Tigers also showed off just how inoffensive their lineup really was. If it wasn’t for Zephyr McCloud, I don’t think the Tigers would have broken triple digit runs this season. In a particularly Ancient Grecian twist of fate, the very player that ended other teams’ offenses was also the ender of their own offensive pushes. And while the Trojan Wall of the Tiger’s defense was strong, it showed off some gaping, gift-horse sized holes in the form of Pitcher Elip Dean.

But we can’t focus on the negatives for long. Tigers don’t look back, and the future is – as always – hopeful. With Eddie Tumblehome yeeted into the darkest pit beyond time and space (Philadelphia), Frazier Tosser steps up sporting a can-do attitude and a dream. Their division got tougher, but strong bats can’t crack a solid foundation for the future. Only poor, uncharitable fate can unwind this stripe-laden team. Amaya Jackson and Mehdi Caper are two incredible pitchers, and Grit’s only 4 of 12 Labors away from becoming the hero that will drag the Tigers to victory. And there’s hope still, in Adrian Melon, Gloria Bugsnax, Clyde Fetch and Velasquez Alstott – all sporting OBPs over .200 (trust me, this is a big deal for the Tigers right now). Getting out of the trenches might feel like a Sisyphean task, but the Tigers have risen before. They’ll do it again.

Good offense gets you through the regular season. But good defense is what carries you through postseason. You’re 50% there, Tigers.

Hell, we haven’t even talked about the best part! Didn’t you see? Their best batter, Zephyr McCloud, can’t lose! So don’t worry. I’m sure Zephyr will lead their team to a perfect 90-0 season.

I’m sure of it.

–Nate

Canada Moist Talkers

Hubris Index: 2.16

Faced with a grueling slog of losses in the early season, Talker fans told each other “well, our defense is really good”. When faced with a grueling slog of losses in the mid-season, Talker fans told each other “like, the defense is solid though”. When faced with an improved performance in the late season, Talker fans – downcast, but no less moist – were found huddled in damp groups talking about “wind sprints” and “running” and “I mean the defense is good and we got Khulan Sagaba, there’s Eris Street, Haley, just, maybe next season if we can…”

But side by side with the pessimism and the desperate coping mechanisms, no Talker fan failed to appreciate Tad Seeth, no Talker fan failed to cheer whenever Tad the Lad, the great gross hope, stepped up to the plate. And no player failed to pitch and bat their way into the moist hearts of Talker fans. Great games were won against tournament favorites the Mexico City Wild Wings and whimpering games were lost against the New York Millennials. In the end, it was a mixed season but the stands were covered in spit – the sacred fluid flowed generously and with enthusiasm was given.

The future is bright for the Talkers, we say happy travels to Simon Haley as she embarks for the shadows on her Simon Quest, and with wide, wet eyes we stare at Abner Pothos in hope that their pitch be true in the coming season.

-misella

Mild

Ohio Worms

Hubris Index: 2.94

There are lots of inevitables in Blaseball. The fans will Open the Forbidden Book. The Mills will get knocked out in the 1st round of playoffs. The Mints “just need to fix their offense”. The Jazz Hands will have seasons of silence followed by intense tragedy.

And the Worms will always have a pitcher that personifies my hatred.

Oh, it didn’t start off that specific. The debut Worms S13 pitching staff was historic as a full unit: 70% more walks than any other team in history.

Then it was the “garbage dumping” seasons: S14 gave us the 1-13, 9.32 ERA NaN, who also brought the most discourse and conflict ever to be seen in Worms chat. S15 was 4-16 Luis Acevedo, with a bloated 9.9 walks in 9 innings. But all this was just a precursor, as my first true Beloathed was there the entire time, just below the surface. Like the worst of warts, the barest of threadbares … there was Patchwork Southwick.

Patchwork Southwick is somehow the Worms all-time Wins leader. That’s also good for the highest Franchise Win Leader Percentage for any leader of any franchise. And yet, Mr. Patchy’s Wild Ride is a manifestation of contradictions: A four time 20 game winner who lost EVERY important LateSeason and PostSeason game they started. An Underhanded pitcher who gave up a mountain of runs to walks & hits. Patchwork always managed to be “the second worst problem on a team with a few problems”. Anyone who has read my rantings on Twitter, Discord or here on BNN knows my antagonistic relationship with Patchy. Then, Blaseball was Nullified.

Yet the inevitable didn’t stop. Throughout the Short Circuits, the Worms always manage to have that one pitcher I focused my anger upon. 8.90 ERA Esmerelda McCollard getting the ball over 1.71 ERA Ashby Swandre in Gamma 3. Operation: Skip Yahya getting all the way to the finals, only to have the final game of the final series go to Yahya Jupiter (247 BB, 6.69 ERA) in Gamma 4.

Now, we enter the Coronation Era. When NaN fell on the 1st week of Fall Ball, I was concerned. NaN’s slot went to the Rotation, but he Received a replacement! A fresh name, a new face, a blank slate! Plus we had Winnie Hess! I declared in last week’s Power Rankings that, finally, after all this time … pitching was not the Worms’ problem. I declared the inevitable to be dead. Which, of course, was HUBRIS.

I give you the NEW* NaN, the Patchier Patchwork, The Ohno of Yahyas: Nathaniel Wilds.

3-15, 5.70 ERA (5th worst in ILB), 6.76 BB/9 (2nd worst in ILB).

How I hate them so, SO MUCH. These Worms will be TERRIBLE.

–Ifhbiff

Dallas Steaks

Hubris Index: 1.89

HAHAHAHA HUBRIS! I WAS RIGHT!!!! STEAKS ARE BAD. But not as bad as I thought.

Vanille Okidoke turns out to be the powerful pinch hitter of the beta Steaks dream, hitting a blistering 28 homers, putting them in second in the league. Abner Wood and Agan Espinoza round out the hard hitters with serious Ferocity of their own. The rest of the lineup, where it fails in batting prowess, seriously makes up in the defense. With the third best defense in the league and three whole 4 star defensive players, and a rotation not to shake a stick at, hey wait what’s Archie doing there?

Sandie Carver, Case Lancaster, and the other Agan (Harrison) are all star pitchers in their own right. Sandie is a strikeout machine with a truly tremendous strikeout to walk ratio of 28.5, 5th in the league! Case is our ERA leader, only allowing an average of 1.9 runs per game!! And Agan… Agan was our winningest pitcher (.500), as well as our WHIPiest pitcher with a walk and hit per inning average of 0.827, 25th in the league! Dovydas Peeps, our fourth pitcher, still holds their own, with a WHIP of 1.000. So who is tanking the rotation?

Archie Lampman. 15th worst ERA (4.8), only won 5 games, 1.4 homeruns per game, and the funniest stat for my favorite little guy, 1.2 strikeouts for every walk. Archie isn’t just a bad pitcher, they’re a Funny pitcher.

Okay so, it would definitely be easy to overestimate our team, especially since our schedule last week was so tough. However, with our former teammate Zephyr McCloud taking the heel position this era, I will take the hint and say Steaks Bad.

-Ophelia (@DallasSteaks)

San Francisco Lovers

Hubris Index: 2.32

Let’s start with the good: Erin Jesaulenko is easily one of the best pitchers in the ILB. Alvie Kesh, likewise, was among the best hitters in NEW Season 1—and not too shabby on the field either. Speaking of defense, Olive Patel put in the work for the Lovers this past season, fielding more than any other Lovers’ defender while breaking the top twenty league-wide in Outs Above Average.

Yet, despite these strengths, Lovers still have much work to do. With the exceptions of Kesh, Kingbird, and Baek, their lineup is struggling to keep pace with league averages, let alone truly shining. Kesh, tied for ninth in the league in dingers in N1, is in the key position to drive runners home and help the Lovers score big, but Schenn and Jang (and Kingbird) need to get on base to make it happen.

The Lovers’ bigger problem though is Durham Spaceman and Donia Dollie. Simply put, neither one knows how to pitch, and together they account for a depressing forty percent of Lovers’ games. Blimp Hardison and Joshua Watson aren’t exactly stellar pitchers either (though Spaceman and Dollie make both look good in comparison), leaving it to Jesaulenko and the fielders to somehow make up for deep holes in the rotation.

This season probably won’t be the Lovers’ finest, but it certainly won’t be the worst in the franchise’s history either. With a bit of luck and some key improvements, perhaps this season could be the start of an eventual journey to the top for the Lovers.

-boat

Philly Pies

Hubris Index: 2.21

After the first Season of the new era of Blaseball, it’s clear the Pies have lost a few steps. The Pies started the season tied for second-worst team, statistically, but thanks to some diamonds in the rough finished a respectable 14th in the league, and were in the hunt for a playoff spot right until the end.

Unfortunately, the Pies came up empty during the Election, and facing down a league that has only improved around them, the Pies are in for an uphill climb. More than ever, they’ll be leaning on ace pitchers like Marco Escobar and Steals Chark to pick up the slack.

This next season might be a Sisyphean struggle, and the team’s likely to slip in the rankings, but true flans know to never estimate the Pies. Hungry dogs run faster, and the Pies might just surprise you.

Now, if we could just get Eddie Tumblehome to leave the locker room and go back where he belongs…

-Slamdance

Houston Spies

Hubris Index: 2.36

Last week went all according to The Plan. A perfectly average team, nothing to see here. And, as planned, we have decided to go on strike. Placards are available in locker-

…Get a strike. My apologies. The Houston Spies are on Strike One. What does this mean? If you find ████ ████████ ██████ █████, ███████ █████ ████. As The Ticker once said: “Spies on strike? It’s in their blood.”

As for the team itself, the only change is Agent Bradley’s alternation at the hands of the █████████ Umpire. A much better defense, but will that make up for the lack of batting power?

Only one thing is clear. Spies ███.

-from the desk of agent kit

Miami Dale

Hubris Index: 2.83

Nothing Ever Bad Happens to the Florida Team. This week is no different than last week, We Wimdy’ed our way into NEW randomized Players which, in all honestly didn’t feel that new at all. Our 2.8612% got Alternates called for Edric Tosser (making them slightly better) Una Manhattan (making them slightly better) and Serge Shortvat (making them slightly less better). But the Dale Certified Funny Bit is Eddie Mulberry getting Alternated twice, thus making them… Just Normal Eddie Mulberry (with Two Alternates in their Player’s Card).

So you might be thinking, Hey “Scary”Gary, What does all that mean for the Dale? Well, dear reader, I am Glad you asked. It means DALE ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, DALE WILL ETCH THEIR WINS AND LOSSES INTO THE GOLDEN RECORDS OF BLASEBALL (See Rule 3 Section S (Stands for Surge Shortvat, of the Dale) of the New Book). THE VIBES WILL BE IMMACULATE, THE PARTIES FANTASTIC, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO THE FLORIDA TEAM.

–“Scary”Gary

Wild

Baltimore Crabs

Hubris Index: 1.65

The Crab knows where it ranks at all times. It knows this because it knows what rank it isn’t. By running from where it is to where it isn’t, or fielding where it isn’t from where it is (whichever is more important), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection uses deviations to generate corrective team changes to move the Crab from a ranking where it is, to a ranking where it isn’t, and upon arriving at a rank it wasn’t, it now is. Consequently, the ranking that it was, is now the ranking that it isn’t.

In the event that the ranking that it is in is not the ranking that it wasn’t, the psionic connection has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between what rank the Crab is, and what rank the Crab isn’t. If a variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the Black Hole. However, the Crab must also know what rank it was.

The Black-Hole-to-Crab psionic connection scenario works as follows. Because Tiera Wigdoubt has modified some of the runs the Crab may obtain, it is not sure just what ranking it is. However, it is sure what ranking it isn’t, within reason, and it knows what ranking it was. It now subtracts what its ranking should be from what ranking it wasn’t, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of what ranking it shouldn’t be, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called hubris.

Thus, since the Crabs placed 13th in Season 1 (Crabs Bad), it stands to reason that the Crabs will be placed at least 11th in Season 2 (Crabs Good).

Expect this to flip-flop for the next six seasons.

–Nate

Boston Flowers

Hubris Index: 3.44

The Boston Flowers started off Season 1 looking Good. The team had one of the highest average Running and Vibes Stars in the League, and our pitching punched above its weight with two players, Spears Taylor and Amir Murphy showing up on the Strikeout Leaderboards on Day 23 in 1st and tied for 4th places respectively. The only thing that seemed to be missing was a solid batting core.

As the season went on it became clearer that the team was missing more than just a batting core – the team had more holes than an old wheelbarrow.

The lineup featured the second-worst JT in the league, amongst other notably bad hitters such as Kelvin Drumsolo. Our fielding was awkward with Jenkins Ingram eagerly fielding everything they could, even though they shouldn’t. Meanwhile Jessica Telephone stood around instead of using her high Magnet to score Outs. As the Days went on our pitchers started to fall off the leaderboards, as they couldn’t make up for the weaknesses in our batting or fielding, and we ultimately failed to make the Postseason.

Things weren’t all bad however, Zack Sanders ended up hitting the second-most doubles in the league AND hit the most triples.

The Boston Flowers were in desperate need of some tender love and care, and by god did they get it during the Election. We won the NEW Team Boost Blessing, boosting our entire teams Stars by 0.5, causing us to leapfrog many teams in average star counts.

The new and improved Boston Flowers now have the second-highest Running and the second-highest Pitching in the League, which is backed up by the highest Vibes across both the Lineup and the Rotation!

You best keep an eye on the Boston Flowers this Season as they’re sure to shoot into the top of the standings. Assuming we don’t get as Incinerated as hard as in the Discpline Era, of course.

–Kidror

Broken Ridge Jazz Hands

Hubris Index: 2.29

In every universe, every short circuit, every fresh roll, the Jazz Hands have had terrible to bad pitching. Standouts like Wyatt Pothos & August Sky are but two aces in a sea of walks and earned runs.

That has finally changed for the Hands. After winning the pitching blessing they have gone from dead last pitching to middling. A feat so horrifying to the Sim that the very gods had to destroy our beloved mountain.

With a strong core offense and average arms the Jazz have achieved a dream. Should be about on par with the Friday’s fresh rolls now.

-Malst

Hellmouths Open

Ridges Broken

Jazz waits for no man or god

We are coming.

-deafhobbit

Core Mechanics

Hubris Index: 2.26

“What do you mean I have to get out there and do the Power Rankings Core blurb? How did you even find me, it’s been years?! I’m not going out there, HAVE YOU SEEN THE FOUR SUN UMPS?! Not to mention the time travel shenanigans…fine alright, I’ll do it.”

The Core Mechanics have finished the first season of the ‘Coronation Era’ of Blaseball in 2nd place in the Awful Evil Division, missing out on the playoffs by four games to the Seattle Garages. Overall, it was a solid performance throughout the season with a late comeback to put us in playoff contention in the final few games.

The Mechs have found an early star within batter Sheri Friday who established themselves as one of the sport’s top batters this season. And, with potential future stars such as fan favourite pitcher Chorby Short, waiting in the wings aiming to make a huge impact for the team in the future.

That’s where we find the Mechanics, in “maintenance mode”. The Strong Start blessing from the Election allows the team to begin addressing their batting issues and lay the groundwork for future improvements. The team’s pitching in reality has been better than what their ILB Stars Rating would indicate, and overall, the team has no glaring weaknesses that need fundamentally addressing.

But, despite this, the Mechanics will likely just barely miss out again on a playoff place, given the improvements across the Evil League.

However, if the Mechanics proved anything after descending during the Expansion Era, it was their ability to compete within the playoffs, lifting two Championship titles within only five playoff appearances. Now, competing with the potential for their 6th ILB Championship title and entry into the Tournament of Champions, they are a team not to be written off lightly during this era.

-CraftedRobot

Hawai’i Fridays

Hubris Index: 3.12

Usually, the Hawai’i Fridays survive on vibes alone. A historically chill team on a mission to speedrun Party Time rather than vie for the playoffs, the Fridays rarely survive to the postseason. But armed with back to back batting duo Justice Spoon and Elijah Valenzuela, the Fridays beat out the Yellowstone Magic and overtook the Seattle Garages to be the #3 seed in the Awful Conference. Sure, they got swept 0-3 by the Georgias in the quarterfinals, but their record in the second half of the season was a strong performance we haven’t seen from the Fridays since the Discipline era. Far exceeding their 0.500 goal, days 60 through 90 saw the Fridays play with a 27-3 record—including a 15 win streak—raising their season record to 0.644. The Fridays even held their own against the season leader, the Wild Wings, to win a game with Anastasia Isarobot (may they rest in violence) at the mound.

Looking forward to season 2, the Fridays earned the Shore Up blessing with approximately 10% of the vote, boosting pitcher Svetlana Dickens’s Stealth (Running) by 5 stars. Though this does little to help her in the pitching rotation, you never know what position you’ll find yourself playing in blaseball! An unusually strong NEW* Season 1 Fall Ball showing spells a potential end to the Fridays’ consistent mediocrity, but fans will be relaxing on island time regardless of their teams performance in the Coronation Era seasons to come.

As a new fan, I’m happy to get acquainted with our new players and see what they have to show. Most diehard longtime Fridays fans are happy to have Elijah Valenzuela back and hope he can take on the Coronation Era with the same anti-establishment enthusiasm that has defined the rest of his blaseball career.

For now, we’re all staying tuned to see what the umpires throw at us in the offseason!

–Kaz

Seattle Garages

Hubris Index: 2.97

Guess whose Thwack in the house
Flannels flip-flappin’ about
Fine, fresh, hitting ’em, bats to 11
Our logline, ”Punks small-ballin'”
Other teams sweatin’
It’s tens on the scoreboard with no doubt
Triples like WOW!
Doubles ’bout to end this drought
Singles so plentiful, what hole in left field?
Should be criminal
Why defend when our hits are this loud?
…
Now they call…
Us…
Thwackers…

-incognito8, with no apologies to RuPaul

The Garages are once again postseason hopefuls in NEW Season 2. Last season the team was Sitting at a Troubled Medium (-P.S Eliot) of the extremely competitive Chaotic Evil division. The question on every fan’s mind: Can 1 star of Thwack make up for the Garages’ shortcomings during Season 1? The Magic are sprinting ahead and while the Wild Wings might be down, they’re certainly not out of the picture.

Does the team’s improved offense make up for the hole in the left field, or pitchers like Timmy Vine who just can’t seem to manage a good parking job? Can the Garages’ defense keep up with other offensive teams or will they be running Circles ‘Round the Moon(-Nana Grizol)? Will our friendship with the Yellowstone Magic be destroyed by bitter intra division rivalry? I know the answer to one of the questions: Never, park-park it besties.

Questions abound. All I can say for certain is, I’m excited to see some more Positive Contact(-Deltron 3030) from rising stars Chambers Simmons and Deion Gamage.

-Vivi and incognito8

Good

Atlantis Georgias

Hubris Index: 2.02

If historic precedent is any indication, one thing remained true going into this era, which is that the Georgias continue to be completely ignored by the Blaseball Gods. The Georgias managed to avoid any and all consequences from the Forbidden Book opening, but they also won exactly Zero blessings in the election, which instead ended up in the hands of teams they were already competitive with, like the Sunbeams, Shoe Thieves, and Mechanics.

For what it’s worth, I think the Georgias are still gonna be pretty good in Season 2. Nothing has changed about them since the last season, where the Georgias were among the best teams in the league. With batting talent like Mckinney Vaughan and Juan Murphy, and a rotation that would be consistently good if not for Justin Alstott, the Georgias remain one of the league’s most well-rounded teams.

Compared to other top contenders, however, the Georgias don’t have a lot that especially stands out, which ultimately I think will be their downfall. That, or their downfall will be inclement weather. The Georgias have never been one of the league’s luckiest teams. Who knows when one of their star players will be incinerated, or worse, banished to the shadows by a falling Knight Triumphant.

Expect good things from the Georgias in Season 2, just don’t expect one of those things to be a championship.

–jasmine

Kansas City Breath Mints

Hubris Index 1.87

The Coronation Era started off fantastically for the Breath Mints.

Landing in Chaotic Good – by far the weakest division – we made it into the Postseason unchallenged off the back of a top tier Rotation featuring League best pitcher Plums Blather, and an albeit mediocre offense (the more things change, the more they stay the same). Despite its mediocrity, our lineup still featured stars such as League Home Run Leader Stretch Sutton and defensive powerhouse Brooklyn “The Rock” Nottingham.

We lost to the eventual Season 1 Champions the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the Quarter Finals, making us arguably the second best team in the League by the end of the Season.

Naturally, the Breath Mints’ extreme organization came together for the election, resulting in us winning the Yeet blessing and ejecting offensive anchor Jesse Tredwell into the Black Ho-

We didn’t win Yeet? Okay, then Jesse was shadowed by Shadow Play right? We didn’t win that either? What DID we win?

Nothing? But then that would mean that Jesse Tredwell is still on the team.

Where’s Revoke? Where’s Move? I’ll even take a Foreshadow or an Alternate at this point. I miss Wills.

Regardless, the Breath Mints are still goo and will remain a top contender going into Season 2.

–Kidror

Yellowstone Magic

Hubris Index: 2.32

The first season of The Coronation Era brought some stellar vibes and energy to Yellowstone, from opening up with some Friday Night Magic alongside the Hawaii Fridays to the returning Inky Rutledge leading our lineup. Seeing ILB leading stellar slugger Kiki Avci spring to life was awe-inspiring, and well-known rat, Rat Mason, showed some serious chops thanks to his unreal levels of guile.

There were truly shining moments for many players on the roster as a whole, which unfortunately ran into some serious trouble spots in the form of the ILB Champion Mexico City, Baltimore, and Canada. The last two of which seemingly had Yellowstone’s number despite less than stellar performances against other teams. Season N2 for Yellowstone is already looking WAY uppie, and not just because the extra stars for the Lineup from elections. There is, however, something else that Yellowstone can do, right now, to secure an all more assured victory in New Season 2.

They get out the shovels.

Why, you ask? Because life’s a garden, and you gotta dig it, and what better to dig out of any garden than one of the greatest Boston Flowers players of all time, Jacob “Just a Guy” Haynes. During a game this season in the Park Park, Jacob Haynes fell from the Black Hole without striking a player, and thus was buried without entering any shadows. That’s right, 5.6 star former amazing slugger and possibly the worst base stealer ever, Jacob Haynes.

Following in the fate-ladened footsteps of King Weatherman from Season 12, Jacob would be a stellar addition to a lineup ready to pop off with the consistent home run and on base power that he brings. On top of that, it’s vital to remember that Jacob’s JUST a guy. He’s a frighteningly normal dude who can hold his own against the supernatural and magical on a daily basis. He wakes up in the morning, gets his Dunks, and gets to training, every day of the week. His excessively normal nature is part of where his power comes from, instead of eldritch or mechanical might, he embraces the extreme of being common, every day, even average. What would be a better complement to some of the most magically astute wizards, witches, and squid(s)?

To be clear, however, we have no idea where he’s ACTUALLY buried, but what the heck, why not.

So start digging up the Park Park on a gamble, we’ve got a Jacob to find, and while you’re at it, maybe blast JUST A GUY a time or two, just for good measure.

–Dan Hahn

Help me, I’m so scared, I was told Magic was 5th in the Evil Conference, so I went on a [LEGALLY ACQUIRED DRUG]-fueled bender and ended up 6 miles deep into Yellowstone National park. When I awoke with a fright, I stumbled and crawled my way through dense forest, rocky crags, and wet water, until I finally made it to the gate out of here. as I gasped and raced towards my freedom, I was stopped by an imposing figure. It was Demet Cabrera. They were 18 feet tall (the equivalent of their current star count) and spoke in a voice that shattered stone. I can’t quite recall what they said because my ears ruptured from the decibels they were belting out, but it was probably something about needing a pass. I do not have a pass, so now I am not allowed out. There was also something about a fine but I don’t have any money, so I had to go back the way I came.

How the hell did I get in, and how the hell do I get out? Did I wake up in a new dimension? Why is everyone telling me “Magic has the highest defense rating in the League”? Someone else has to handle what’s going on with the Magic, because I’ve clearly woken up on the wrong side of reality. What ever happened to All Bats Just Right Yellowstone Blaseball?

–Nate

Mexico City Wild Wings

Hubris Index: 1.02

I went to Asastasia Isarobot’s funeral today.

I mean, I’m paid to, it’s literally my job, but also I wanted to. This version of the team has only existed for such a short time, but already you could see a league powerhouse forming. There’s hitting here for days; Katja Twain is a highlight, but Letitia Diop and Baldwin Jones are no slouches. But Anastasia’s loss hurts, both in the way that the sudden loss of a friend, a teammate, a leader hurts, and also specifically in the way that there were a lot of wins Anastasia pitched, and it’s an open question how many of those Göran Ndoye can replace.

The good news for the Wings is that I was speaking to James Boy at the funeral, and they said that they have completely recovered from being struck by Carter O’Conner falling at near-terminal velocity from the black hole in Game 12 and should be returning to the line-up this season. We in the Wild Wings Press Box all wish Atma Blueberry and Fletcher Peck a speedy recovery from being hit by Jefferson De La Cruz and Yusef Puddles respectively.

It’s hard to predict what this roster turmoil will ultimately mean for this team; by first appearances they will be a worse team than last season, but depending on how severe that dropoff is, a worse team than last season could still be one of the top teams in the league. But as I am often reminded, the league is unpredictable and disaster could strike any team at any time.

After all, I went to Asatasia Isarobot’s funeral today. Rest in Violence.

-Spludge237

Charleston Shoe Thieves

Hubris Index: 1.15

Yes, the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams have seen their hitting boosted across the board, adding more power to an already potent lineup. They will be hard to beat. But you beat offense with good pitching and defense, and the Shoe Thieves have both in abundance.

Charleston finished with the best ERA in ILB in Season 1 of what is now the Coronation Era, fueled by a top-five K/BB ratio and the best hit suppression in the league. They’ve added a perfect pitcher via the election process in Derrick Krueger, whose scouting report suggests will slot in as an ace ahead of already amazing pitchers in Kathy Matthews and Premjeet Liu to form a trio of nearly unbeatable arms in the rotation for Charleston.

If the ball does go into play, the best defense in Blaseball will be waiting, led by Penelope Berkowitz, will be there to take away hits other teams would allow.

The offense, featuring Jammy Decksetter and Fish Summer, is more than good enough, ranking in the Top 10 in my predictive OPS+ metric heading into Season 2. This is a team without a weakness and ready to upset the overwhelming favorite Sunbeams and claim two straight championships.

-Firewall Andrews

Hellmouth Sunbeams

Hubris Index: 0.42

Hoo boy. Oh man. Panama Dan, you’re in it now. Okay, deep breath, you gotta do this, you’re just gonna have to do this, go home, and take your lumps.

In the preseason, I flatly refused to estimate the Sunbeams. I’ll do it, I’m not afraid of it, but I gotta have data to back me up. Well, now I have data, and the only thing I can do is directly estimate the Sunbeams.

And I am forced, as I am sure many of my colleagues are, to directly estimate the Sunbeams as the odds on favorites going into the next season. The Sunbeams batting squad, freshly juiced off of the Batter Boost blessing, looks to be completely unstoppable headed into season 2. Even the new best batter on the Crabs, Tiara Wigdoubt, can’t compete with some of these Boosted Beams. In an Awful Good that was already the most competitive division at the top, almost every team improved,. But despite the Shoe Thieves gaining Derrick Kreuger and the Crabs with the aforementioned Tiana, none of this compares to the impact of a full star amongst an entire batting lineup.

With the Wild Wings getting worse due to the loss of their star pitcher and batter, It’s hard to see who can compete with the Sunbeams for the regular season record.

These aren’t even your Sunbeams of old. Dunn Keyes and Mooney Doctor are legitimate pitching threats, probably in the top 10 of all pitchers, and the Sunbeams defense, while bad, isn’t the catastrophic liability it was in Beta.

But, as with all flights, and as the Beams are prone to do, is this just flying too close to the sun? Is this season 11, where the Sunbeams launched into the stratosphere and couldn’t be stopped, or season 13, where the Beams inexplicably crash down to earth despite getting demonstrably better.

It remains to be seen, but without the gift (or curse) of prophecy, this reporter has only one choice, in their estimation.

Sunbeams #1.

–Panama Dan

Imagine you are in a desert and come across a cube. How large is it? What is it made of? How round is it?

Now, you see a ladder. What material is it made of? How tall is it? Is it above the cube, next to it, on the ground, or where else? How far down does it lead?

Then, picture a horse. Where is it? What is it doing? How many legs does it have? How threatening is it?

Next, picture flowers. How many do you see? What kinds of flowers are they? What do their roots burrow into, thin plant strands gently choking…what? And how long ago did it die?

Finally, a thunderstorm begins. How violent is it? How far away is the lightning? How powerful is the thunder which comes after? What’s raining down on you, and why do you immediately seek shelter? What colour is the sky, and why is there no word for it?

…

The cube is you! You are the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams. It’s large because you are a strong and confident team, coming off a great season and an even better offseason. It’s floating because you plan to soar above the rest of the division, carried by the immense power of your offense. It’s made of glass, because your defense sucks ass. But that’s okay.

The ladder is your division! Chaotic Good is a deep dark hole where you, the most dangerous team in the postseason, the team who wants a ring the hardest despite the game being rigged against them, the ILB’s most consistently successful team from way down under, the greatest team in Blaseball history and the Baltimore Crabs try to shiv each other in the dark. And there’s only so much space on that ladder, and the blood makes it slick and slippery…

The horse is a symbol of your ideal self! That’s why it has many legs, with many human hands that can hold many, many bats.

Flowers signify your legacy! They’re bright yellow sunflowers, rings of gold representing the many you are expected to win, growing on the corpse of your previous, unestimatable, self.

The thunderstorm reveals your fears! It’s directly in front of you, hanging over your clear future, and it drizzles down shoelaces. Because all the bats in the world may not matter if you can’t hit the ball into play…

-Dargo

The post The Return(s): Season N2 Blaseball Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.