Now that you know who to blame if these Power Rankings are completely inaccurate, and who to thank if they are completely flawless, let’s get right into it!

Next, a caveat: Though we now know what Wired and Tired do, we can’t be sure how they will affect each game, and it is entirely possible that changes could be made or new weather events could be added. Additionally, whether or not rotations will reset this round to the first pitcher for all teams has a huge bearing on certain matchups.

Methodology: The rankings are in reverse order, 8 to 1, based on the aggregate of ranking from Ace Analyst (AA) and Luckey Haskins (LH). In the case of a tied aggregate, we used the tournament seeding as a tiebreaker. Without further adieu, here are the ROUND 2 POWER RANKINGS.

Atletico Latte

Tournament Seed: #1

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 4.5 • 3.0 • 4.5 • 3.0 • 2.5

Round 1 Power Ranking: 9 (Luckey, Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 8 (Ace, Luckey)

LH: They barely squeaked by the Cold Brew Crew in Round 1, and now they face the hottest team in the Cup. The Latte embody the energy of playing to the level of their opponent, but raising that level just enough to barely win. Now that I’ve ranked them at the bottom, watch them do that again.

AA: They were, and still are, one of the most middling teams in the Cup. But while mediocrity might (barely) get you a Round 1 win over one of the tourney’s bottom teams, I doubt it will be enough to face one of the hottest and most shocking teams in the field. Then again, this is blaseball; stranger things have happened.

Heavy FC

Tournament Seed: #6

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.14

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 4.5 • 2.5 • 3.5

Round 1 Power Ranking: 13 (Luckey), 11 (Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 7 (Ace, Luckey)

LH: The shortened lineup seems like a blessing and a curse in the Coffee Cup. If you get a few players Wired, this [FOGHORN SOUND] lineup will turn them over quicker, which can spiral into bonus runs. Then again, it’s a kinda ‘meh’ lineup, comparatively. We only know how Heavy FC performs against a single pitcher + a single hitter. They have a chance vs. Xpresso, but they need to survive the early games to do so. 

AA: Heavy [FOGHORN SOUND]ed their way past an intriguing BC Noir team with no trouble at all, but they have the misfortune of facing Inter Xpresso in Round 2. Heavy’s rotation matches up well with Xpresso, but their lineup, although consistent, lacks the punch that Inter provides. Well, [FOGHORN SOUND].

P.S. Socks Maybe

Club de Calf

Tournament Seed: #7

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 2.0 • 3.5 • 3.5

Round 1 Power Ranking: 12 (Luckey, Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 6 (Luckey), 5 (Ace)

LH: Of all the predictions I made on Twitter today, Club de Calf felt like the one that could pull an upset. Their rotation setup isn’t ideal for Round 2 (assuming the rotation picks up where Round 1 left off), but it weirdly matches up with Macchiato City for the late games. The Club’s lineup is solid, and consistent, and if it can steal an early win against top-tier pitching, that energy could carry to a series win.

AA: It couldn’t have been caffeine, but something energized the Club after 2 straight losses in Round 1, giving them 3 straight wins of their own and an upset over the Electric Co. Mac City poses an interesting Round 2 foe; they’re much less consistent than Club de Calf, but possess more star power, especially in their rotation. Still, if RGB’s early success against City is any indication, the Club might be able to topple some of the Macchiato aces and punch a ticket to the Foamy Four.

Society Data Witches

Tournament Seed: #9

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 2.0 • 3.5 • 2.5 • 3.5 • 1.5

Round 1 Power Ranking: 16 (Luckey, Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 4 (Luckey), 6 (Ace)

LH: Call it recency bias, call it overcorrection, call it buying into the “hot hand” mentality, but until we see a loss I’ll ignore my analysis. Besides, their Round 2 draw seems more favorable than last time, so why not another win? This doesn’t seem sustainable long-term, but a 12-game hot streak is all you need to win the Cup.

AA: Alright, no excuses. On paper, this team looked pretty bad, and then they went and pulled out a three game sweep of one of our top-5 teams. Whether or not they’re fudging their Shakespeareanism remains to be seen, but either way, the Witches are emerging as one of the Cup’s top underdogs. They have a favorable matchup against Atletico Latte, but a tough Round 3 no matter who wins opposite them. It’s up to the Society to calculate their own fate (er, Fate).

Macchiato City

Tournament Seed: #15

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 6.0 • 5.0 • 5.0 • 4.0 • 2.0

Round 1 Power Ranking: 7 (Luckey), 6 (Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 5 (Luckey), 4 (Ace)

LH: As I referenced in the Club de Calf entry, Macchiato City is vulnerable. The top of their rotation is second-to-none, but their lineup is all over the place. They looked dead to rights before the Tractor Bean decimated Real Game Band. They need to silence the moos early in the series, otherwise the Macchiato City will be up all night in #PartyTime.

AA: Mac City had some mixed consequences of their Round 1 bout with Real Game Band. The good? The series made it to five games, meaning that City will be able to trot out their amazing 1-2-3 rotation punch to start this round (although maybe every team will if rotations reset for Round 2). The bad? The fact that it took that long, especially with most of RGB getting Percolated (RIV) early in the series. Mac City has some serious talent, but they have to start living up to it before they can be considered a serious contender.

Inter Xpresso

Tournament Seed: #14

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.72

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.5 • 4.0 • 3.0 • 4.0

Round 1 Power Ranking: 8 (Luckey), 5 (Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 3 (Ace, Luckey)

LH: I ranked them barely in the top half last round because they had such a tough draw. But a team that can knock off Americano can beat anyone. In Round 2, they face a team that seems unfazed by elimination games. Xpresso has the better lineup and the more solid overall rotation. But they also no longer get to play underdog, and the Heavy FC rotation matches up alarmingly well to Xpresso in the later games. Much like Machhiato City, Inter Xpresso cannot let their opponent hang around long enough to snatch the victory from them. 

AA: OK, this is the part where you get to yell and/or laugh at me for ranking Americano #1 last time.

…

Alright, now that that’s out of the way…I really like this team. They have a balanced rotation and a well-optimised lineup, packed with players that often go unrecognized on their regular ILB teams. And they’ve got an easier path to the finals than maybe any other team here: they’ll face the unproven Heavy FC in Round 2, and either the shaky Mac City or underdog Club de Calf if they move on. That’s not to say anything’s guaranteed — Heavy isn’t the worst team here, for sure — but if the past is any indication, Xpresso can take on just about anyone.

Milk Proxy Society

Tournament Seed: #13

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.50

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 5.5 • 2.5 • 4.0 • 5.0

Round 1 Power Ranking: 4 (Luckey), 3 (Ace)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 2 (Ace, Luckey)

LH: If seeding was fair & had the benefit of hindsight, Milk Proxy is playing anyone else and looking at a shot at the finals. Instead they face the best remaining team… and still have a good chance at making the finals, honestly. As I said in my predictions, the matchups will be a see-saw this series. But if FWXBC gets off to a slow start, Milk Proxy Society can absolutely shut the door on them in games 3 & 4.

AA: They may not have milk, but MPS sure does have talent, and it showed in their sweep of offensive juggernaut Royal PoS. Unfortunately, this means that if rotations don’t reset, their pitching matchups against FWXBC won’t be as favorable as they may have been. Still, Milk Proxy is far from a longshot, with a consistent lineup and pitchers that can hold their own even in a mismatch. If they can push past FWXBC, expect the MPS to become tournament favorites.

FWXBC

Tournament Seed: #5

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.83

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 3.5 • 3.5 • 4.5

Round 1 Power Ranking: 2 (Ace), 1 (Luckey)

Round 2 Power Ranking: 1 (Ace, Luckey)

LH: I picked them #1 last time ‘round, so I’m going to own it this round. Much like Americano last round, FWXBC faces the toughest challenger. When I wrote my predictions, I thought FWXBC had a slight advantage in the first two games, and in the last game’s matchup. Their margin of error is wafer-thin, because stumbling out of the gate again will allow Milk Proxy to just devour FWXBC. Win those first two, and Flat White should be able to advance. No pressure. (All the pressure.) 

AA: I pretty much covered this in my Milk Proxy Society description, but…this will be close. Against any other team (except maybe Xpresso), FWXBC would feel like a pretty safe pick. But instead, they’ll have to face another frontrunner early. On paper, FWXBC barely edges out MPS’s lineup, and barring rotation reset will get some favorable pitching matchups, but with weather coming into play and just your regular old chaos factor, this one is incredibly tough to predict. It’s odd to be this unconfident in my #1 picks twice in a row, but that’s blaseball, babey!

That’s All, folks.

We hope you enjoyed reading our power rankings and we hope you enjoy watching Round 2 of the Coffee Cup!

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The post Blaseball Prospectus Coffee Cup Round 2 Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

(yeah, it has been for a while).

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the traditional full Season recap! I hope you’re ready to buckle in and read about some of the most exciting happenings of our beloved Season 11. I know, I know, it’s been a good long while since the Season actually ended. But! I was taking some much needed time off after so long on the road.
Without any further ado, let’s jump into the Season of Peace and Prosperity.

Living up to the title it was given, Season 11 was largely an uneventful one. After all, there was no longer a majorly dominant team to content with and we lost all of our beloved weather forecasts (save two new ones). No Incineration, no Peanuts, no ominous Birds, no Feedback Frenzy. Of course, there were still plenty of games to be played, and play the games our beloved Teams did. It quickly became apparent, however, that things were not all the same as they usually were.

Oh boy, where do I even start with this one.

In the Season 10 Internet Series (Baltimore Crabs v. Charleston Shoe Thieves), Tot Fox of the now ascended Crabs hit a home run that sent their team over 10 total Runs scores, causing something… unique to happen.

THE CRABS ACCUMULATE 10

THE SUN COLLAPSES

THE MOON IS SWALLOWED

THE BLACK HOLE FORMS

SUN 2 RISES

The Crabs collect 10! The Black Hole swallows the Runs and a Shoe Thieves Win.

– Season 10 Internet Series, Game 3 Game Log Messages

Of course, none of us had any idea what this would mean! These intimidating messages were followed by the fans base of Blaseball voting to add Black Holes to the game (once again showing that they desire nothing more than Consequences. Through the rise of Sun 2, the death of the Sun (1?) and the Moon

Alright, so how do they work.

We got a short preview of how Sun 2 and Black Hole weather would effect our beloved Splort in the Season 10 Finals. But here’s a bit more of an explanation, to the best of my poor Intern-in-Chief ability.

Well, first here’s a tweet about it from the Bosses.

If your favorite Team hit 10 runs under Sun 2, Sun 2 would take away 10 of those runs and gift your Team a Win. That’s right, a whole win. However, this could easily put the Team who was just gifted this win in position to lose the current game they were in, because they suddenly lost 10 runs!

Similarly, in Black Hole weather, at 10 runs, the Black Hole would swallow both a win from your opponent and your 10 runs.

(It should be noted that both of these effects took away exactly 10 runs. If a team went over 10 [going from 9 to 11 off of a two run home run, for example], they would have points left over equal to whatever amount over 10 they reached off of one play.)

Suddenly, one of the seeming cardinal rules of Blaseball, that every team would end up with a Win-Loss record that totaled 99 at the end of the Season, was completely broken. Poor SIBR (the slatistians and record keepers of all things numbers and beyond for Blaseball) lost their minds as all of their tools imploded. Wins Per Game became a relevant stat. Fans around the League were continually very confused as to how it worked… and well. Let’s take a look at the final standings. I’ll even blow it up nice and large for you.

As you can see here… everything is all over the place.

The Moist Talkers and Tigers have have 104 combined Wins and Losses. The Sunbeams have 107. The Unlimited Tacos have ONE HUNDRED & FOURTEEN.

The poor Tokyo Lift, the new Team to the League, finished with just 89 Wins and Losses. Sad.

Thanks to Sun 2 and Black Hole weather existing, the Season 11 Postseason was sure to be like no other.

With the new meaning brought to Wins and Losses by the new weather, the “Best of Five Games” format that had ruled the Postseason until now (which had both Teams play between three and five games, until one Team had won a majority of the potential five) no longer was going to cut it.

So! We changed to First to Three! Meaning: The first Team with three Wins at the end of a game will win the series vs. their opponent, as long as both teams aren’t tied at three Wins! That’s simple, right?

We could talk about a wide range of things that went on in this Postseason (it was surely a wild one), such as the astounding run of the Yellowstone Magic making their way from surprise Mild League Wild Card Round winners to facing off against the Seattle Garages in the Mild League Championship (congrats!) but I want to focus in on the truly unique journey of the eventual champions, the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Let’s take another look at the end of Season standings again, shall we?

Right at the top of the Wild Low (and the entire League) sit the Sunbeams, with a mighty 68 wins. This let them bypass the Wild Card round and set them up against the 4th seed Houston Spies for the Division Series.

Thanks to the assistance of Black Hole and Sun 2 Weather, the Beams swept the Spies in only 2 Games, with a final record of 3-(-1), setting the record for the first Playoff series to end with negative Wins for a team.

In the Championship Series, the Sunbeams faced off against the Hades Tigers, a match up so familiar that fans of both teams call them the TigerBeams. With Black Hole and Sun 2 playing their wild tricks (mainly Black Hole,) the Sunbeams ended the First to Three series with five wins to the Tiger’s three. Also, it took them six games instead of the traditional five game max to reach this point. While fans of Blaseball feared an infinite loop of the Tigers and Sunbeams playing each other (and while some actively cheered for and welcomed the possibility), the Sunbeams manged to get business done when it counted and moved on to the Finals.

Their first Finals appearance, at that!

Well, after those two matches, the Finals were a bit more uneventful. Facing off against the Seattle Garages, who were making their first appearance in the finals since being swept by the Baltimore Crabs in Season 6, the Sunbeams took care of business, defeating their opponents… and becoming first time ILB Champions! Of course, this victory came by the way of continually taking a win away from the Garages thanks to Black Hole weather and then losing the game as a result… leaving the Series the same as it was before the game. Luckily, in the bottom of the 9th in the final Game, with 9 Runs on the board, the Sunbeams hit into a Double Play, ending the game with a Win and taking the Championship home!

Luckily, they didn’t even have to fight a Peanut.

While there is probably a whole article that could be written about it, I’ll keep it brief. In so many ways, the Sunbeam’s championship is about a lot more than just the Sunbeams. It’s about the whole Wild Low, a division that’s defining trait in it’s Season 6 founding was that it had the five worst teams of Season 5 in it. Over Seasons 6 to 11, the Wild Low Division has slowly transitioned to from the laughing stock of Blaseball to a stable of Teams that are able to threaten a win in any game. Working together with other Teams and the fanbase as a whole to get the Enhanced Party Time Decree passed helped. So did the Divisions plan to get all of the entire-Division buffing Blessings. And now, one of them has finally made it to the top! All after the Sunbeams finished Season 10 with their worst record ever as a Team: 33-66.

It is in these small stories (and the big ones, like when we killed the Peanut) that make Blaseball so great.

There’s much, much more to discuss about the Election and what has actually happened since the final plays of the Season 11 Finals, but that’s for another time.

Thanks for checking our the good ole’ Season 11 Recap. Done not at all on time, but at least it’s here!

Remember:

the INTERN-INTERIM commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

The post The Full Season 11 Recap. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Caveats: We have no idea what the weather will be like for the Cup, so we don’t know which teams will benefit from or curse the shifting winds. We don’t know what Tired or Well-Rested or Observed does, nor do we know WHATEVER is up with BC Noir.

Methodology: The rankings are in reverse order, 16 to 1, based on the aggregate of ranking from Ace Analyst (AA) and Luckey Haskins (LH). In the case of a tied aggregate, we used the tournament seeding as a tiebreaker. Without further adieu, here are the POWER RANKINGS.

Further Adieu: (We are really, really sorry for the bottom 3. Prove us wrong?)

Society Data Witches

Tournament Seed: #9

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 2.0 • 3.5 • 2.5 • 3.5 • 1.5

Power Ranking: 16 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I really hate analysis, sometimes. The Data Witches have been an utter delight on Twitter in the run-up to the Coffee Cup. But their blaseball stats? Their first match-up? UFF DA. The Data Witches’ rotation has the fewest stars in the Cup, by a significant margin. Round 1 pits them against one of the best lineups; C&S United has only one batter under 4*. The Data Witches have a middle-of-the-road lineup, and 5* Batista Oatmilk is a bright spot, for sure. But without some help from the weather, they look like a tough bet to get out of Round 1.

AA: Well… I guess this is what happens when you trust the sim. By regular ILB standards, this is a very respectable ballclub. But this ain’t your ordinary ILB — it’s the Coffee Cup, and stars abound on this stage (er, uh, field). The offense looks well-rounded but unoptimized, with their weakest hitter up front and the two brightest spots (Batista Oatmilk and Beans Reblase) scattered across the lineup. The rotation is sadly lacking, too, with just 2 pitchers breaking the 3 star mark. Of course, ratings aren’t everything and I’m sure I haven’t seen all the stats the team has, but a date with Cream & Sugar — one of the strongest offenses — doesn’t help their chances.

P.S. I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, SIBR

Pandemonium Artists

Tournament Seed: #12

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.25

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.0 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 15 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: Oh geez. My bottom two spots are both fan teams. I really hope my predictions turn out to be way off-base. The Artists have a legit top-of-the rotation pitcher in PomPom Pomodoro. Outside that, the team is all over the place (befitting the Pandemonium name) and is below the Cup average in hitting & pitching. There are mitigating variables: we don’t know what Tired does, how often Well-Rested will proc, or what the Artists’ Shadows look like. They are a chaos team, and chaos can win tournaments. That said, they drew a challenging Round 1, so chaos will have to reign early.

AA: This is the first of 3 teams that are hard to accurately rank, given their unknown status effects. We know we’ll be seeing some players emerge from the Shadows… but how good will they be? They could make the team better, or take away a bright spot. Anyway, as it stands, the Artists are sadly unspectacular. Arbutus Bones and Chromatic Jump stand out along with a couple other bats, but the lineup as a whole is underwhelming and a bit disorganized. PomPom Pomodoro will probably give hitters fits, but as we’ve seen in the past, one ace can’t save a team. Now, if the massive collective of talented Artists offers up a new star or two, maybe they’ll pull off an upset. Right now, though, they’ve got a tough matchup, and I don’t know if they can paint their way out of this corner.

Real Game Band

Tournament Seed: #2

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.70

Rotation Stars — 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 2.5

Power Ranking: 14 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I know, I know. I put the three teams of new players in the bottom three spots, and yes, I am upset with myself. Real Game Band is, for all intents & purposes, a solid if average team. The lineup has no weaknesses, but also caps out at 4.5*. The rotation… is rough. Honestly, if this was a round-robin tournament, or they were facing a different team in Round 1, I’d list them higher. Thing is, in a 5-game series, they’ll face Burke Gonzales (6*), Pitching Machine (5*), and Curry Aliciakeys (5*) to start. We don’t know weather effects, and we don’t know what Observed does, and Macchiato City has holes in their lineup. Absent more information, though, it’s hard to see RGB make it through.

AA: (I’m so sorry The Game Band please don’t hurt me please don’t hurt me)

Anyway… I’ll be honest, RGB doesn’t look too bad. The lineup is consistent with a solid middle of the order, and the pitching staff is decent, if a little drab. (Not the people just the ratings I promise pls don’t be mad Joel) Where I run into trouble here is with their matchups. First, they’d have to get by Mac City, who has an absurd 1-2-3 in their rotation and some proven stars at the plate. Even if they manage to eke out a series victory, Light & Sweet Electric Co. would pose a real challenge in Round 2. Like the Artists, though, there’s some uncertainty given their effect — I have no clue what Observed does, and this is blaseball, after all.

BC Noir

Tournament Seed: #11

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.00

Rotation Stars — 4.0

Power Ranking: 13 (Ace), 11 (Luckey)

LH: I have no idea what’s going on here. We’ve got two new Hard-Boiled players, one in the lineup, the other in the rotation. This was thought to be the “Anything” team before rosters were announced, and I assume they’re not trotting out only two players each game. Maybe they are. Or maybe the Noir hire mercenary players each game, setting the lineup from players not in any Coffee Cup team’s roster or Shadows? No idea. The tournament seeded them at #11, so that’s where I’m leaving them.

AA: Aaaand the final “this could literally be completely wrong” team. Please don’t take this ranking into account. When Hard Boiled actually means something and chaos breaks loose, forget I put Noir this low. But as it stands… I don’t see BC making many waves. To be honest, on paper they’re worse than Heavy, who will put out a better lineup and a better pitcher for the first 3 games of the series. But again, forget I said any of this.

Club de Calf

Tournament Seed: #7

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.56

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 2.0 • 3.5 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 12 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I love the energy of the Club de Calf roster, but they just look outmatched. They’ve got average hitting, a shortened rotation that’s pretty okay, and that’s about it. They face a team that looks better on paper in every aspect. I absolutely love the combination of personalities on this team, but unless they can elevate to a higher level of caffeinated consciousness, I don’t see them moving out of Round 1.

AA: Like with Real Game Band, this team looks solid on paper, with a well-optimized lineup and a more-or-less average pitching staff. I’m not sure if they can handle Light & Sweet, who can certainly outhit them and will probably match them rotation-wise. But don’t count them out just yet — Haynes and Septemberish have been putting up top notch numbers for the past few seasons, and they’ve got one of the splort’s premier flamethrowers in Dunlap Figueroa. Don’t get your hopes up, but don’t assume they’re already out, either.

Heavy FC

Tournament Seed: #6

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.14

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 4.5 • 2.5 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 13 (Luckey), 11 (Ace)

LH: This is the ranking that I have the least faith in. Heavy FC has a great rotation but a shortened lineup that caps out at 4*. They look like they could beat BC Noir… IF WE KNEW WHAT THE DEAL WAS WITH BC NOIR. (Anyway.) At the moment, BC Noir has a single 4* pitcher, and I remember that working out pretty okay for the Snackrifice Era Tacos (at first). Even if Heavy FC gets past BC Noir, they’re likely to face Americano Water Works, a pre-tournament favorite. I would love for the [FOGHORN SOUND] to cut through all this analytical fog, but their path forward is murky at best.

AA: They may be named Heavy, but they’re actually a little light on the hitting side of things. They’ve only got 8 hitters, and none of them really stand out (their best is the 4-star Peanut Holloway). The rotation, meanwhile, is pretty [FOGHORN SOUND]ing incredible. Three of the most memorable, and best, pitchers in blaseball history open it up, and Evelton McBlase is a solid #5. However, though it might be enough to push them past BC Noir (although who knows what’ll happen with them), I don’t think Heavy can [FOGHORN SOUND] their way around Americano or Inter Espresso, who have far better lineups and can stack up pitching-wise. Well, [FOGHORN SOUND].

Cold Brew Crew

Tournament Seed: #16

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.00

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 10 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: The Crew have the weakest lineup in the tournament, and their lowest-rated hitter in the cleanup spot. On the other hand, the Crew have a high-quality rotation that is topped by 4* and 5* pitching. They also have a favorable draw in Atletico Latte, whose lineup is only marginally better, and whose rotation matches advantageously for Cold Brew. Plus, everyone loves a 16-seed defeating a 1-seed, AND Tillman Henderson is thought by some to be the protagonist of Blaseball. There’s more than a snowball’s chance in Hades this team advances.

AA: The Crew are definitely going to be overlooked by a lot of people going into the Coffee Cup — especially with them being the 16 seed — but I wouldn’t count them out just yet. For one, though their lineup doesn’t look very formidable overall, leadoff hitter Nerd Pacheco broke out in Season 11, and they’re surrounded by solid supporting cast members like Felix Garbage and Tillman Henderson. What I’m trying to say is, though they might not be a machine out there, the offense can certainly hold its own, especially when being backed by such a powerful rotation. The 1-2-3 of Winnie Hess, Alexandria Rosales, and Yosh Carpenter isn’t the strongest in the tourney, but it gives them a fighting chance against Atletico Latte. All in all, they’ve probably got an equally good chance of playing it cool or getting the cold shoulder.

Atletico Latte

Tournament Seed: #1

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 4.5 • 3.0 • 4.5 • 3.0 • 2.5

Power Ranking: 9 (Luckey, Ace)

LH: I am really curious how the teams were seeded. Was it based on the player pool available, before rosters were finalized? In any case, the Latte don’t scream 1-seed to me. They have average overall hitting, but the assembly of the lineup might result in difficulty manufacturing runs. They have relatively average pitching, but they at least face the weakest lineup in Round 1. The path in front of them is easier than many other teams, so a top 4 finish is not outside the realm of possibility. But neither is a first-round upset.

AA: “Teamwork makes the steamwork” is the Latte slogan, but the Latte just happen to be one of the more uneven teams in the Cup. As Luckey pointed out, the lineup is configured pretty awkwardly, with no real string of strong hitters like all the teams I’ve put above them have. The rotation is solid enough — Elvis Figueroa is one of the game’s best hurlers, and Bendie on the mound is an intriguing touch — but while they might brrrrrrreeze past the Crew, I can’t see them making a championship run.

Royal PoS

Tournament Seed: #4

Avg. Hitting Stars — 4.00

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 2.0 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 8 (Ace), 6 (Luckey)

LH: These are your heavy hitters in the Coffee Cup. At least, this is the team that’s piled up all those hitting stars. There is little respite to be found from spots 1-9. Unfortunately, this is countered by a spotty rotation. The Royal PoS feels like a recent Wild Low team, hoping to get just enough pitching to allow their lineup to tear through the opponent. Were we in Sun 2 weather, they’d be higher in the rankings. Instead, Royal PoS starts the Cup against the strongest rotation in the tournament. And if they get past Round 1, they face one of the tournament favorites. But if the weather favors hitting, watch out.

AA: “Oh, Sweet” must be what Royal fans said when they first saw their team’s lineup. It’s got everyone’s favorite dork York Silk and everyone’s best friend Richmond Harrison, and no real weak spots throughout. The rotation, though, isn’t great, although I’m excited to see if the Reverberating Don Mitchell will have any interesting effects on the mound. They’ve got a tough draw against Milk Proxy, who have the arms to counter the PoS bats. It could be close, but I think Royal lacks the balance needed to edge out their opponents.

Macchiato City

Tournament Seed: #15

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.22

Rotation Stars — 6.0 • 5.0 • 5.0 • 4.0 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 7 (Luckey), 6 (Ace)

LH: It feels risky as heck to put a team this high when its lineup is this uneven and has so many holes in it. But LOOK AT THAT ROTATION. It is completely optimized for best-of-5 play. Burke Gonzales, Pitching Machine, Curry Aliciakeys are a dream 1-2-3 combo. And if a team beats one of them, Eugenia Garbage is a killer option for a #4 starter. They’ve got a real chance at upsetting the Commissioner’s team in Round 1, though there’s enough uncertainty to make it far from guaranteed. And even if City’s lineup is unbalanced, it still has Jessica Telephone leading off and the Margarito-Fish combo at 4-5. Macchiato could pull it off, but teams dependent on their rotation don’t have a lot of room for error.

AA: This is the ranking I’m least sure about. While I have no doubt they’ll get past Real Game Band (at least, given what we know now), they might not have the depth for a serious run. But they’ve got 3 legit bats — some of the ILB’s best — and probably the best pitching staff in this whole thing. Problem is, it all depends on the matchups, as there are plenty of teams that have the bats to beat up on City’s lesser arms — and if the offense has a bad day, that could mean good night. And yet — you can’t lose if they don’t score.

Inter Espresso

Tournament Seed: #14

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.72

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.5 • 4.0 • 3.0 • 4.0

Power Ranking: 8 (Luckey), 5 (Ace)

LH: When the lineups were first announced, my initial reaction was that the low seed for Espresso made sense. As I compiled the information, though, I kept moving them up the rankings. I may not have moved them up enough. They have a good lineup, the top of which is among the best in the Cup. Their rotation is average, but it’s hard to bet against Theo Cervantes. Heck, the rest of the rotation matches up well to most other teams in this tourney. Unfortunately, the team they go up against in Round 1 is a tournament favorite, Americano Water Works. I think Inter Espresso has a real chance to pull the upset here, but maybe not? They have a very difficult road, but the more I look at Espresso, the more buzzed I am about their chances. 

AA: If there’s any team that can absolutely defy their seeding and pull off a few crazy upsets, it’s this one. As Luckey pointed out, they may not look like much at first, but this is a tightly organized bunch with very few real weaknesses. Their lineup begins with 4 players who are some of their ILB teams’ best, and is ordered in a way that eschews any streaks of poor hitters. The rotation is deceptively impressive, too, with a bona fide ace in Cervantes and the shaky but impressive Parker Meng closing it out. They have a tough matchup, it’s true, but Espresso more than nearly anyone else have the skills and balance to expose a leak in the Water Works.

Cream & Sugar United

Tournament Seed: #8

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.94

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 3.0 • 2.5 • 3.5 • 2.0

Power Ranking: 7 (Ace), 5 (Luckey)

LH: Here we have the arguably the best (or second-best) lineup in the Coffee Cup. All but one of their hitters is at 4* or 4.5*. They are high-quality in 8 of 9 spots, but also don’t have a big 5* bat. While the United’s lineup has even-handedness, though, their rotation has the opposite. Only one pitcher with a rating of 4* or better. Then again, one of the “average” pitchers is Sandoval Crossing, who’s had some stellar seasons for the Sunbeams of late. The United are the more tempered version of the Royal PoS, but United also face an easier opponent if they advance out of Round 1.

AA: I can’t stop staring at this offense. Like…what?????? 8 out of their 9 hitters are 4 stars or higher, which is just downright CRAZY. The rotation, though, gives me pause. They’ve got Gabriel Griffith as a great first starter, but aside from the underrated Sandoval Crossing, there’s not a whole lot else to look forward to. It’s not BAD, for sure, and they could definitely compensate for it with their lineup. Did I mention their lineup is CRAZY? They’ve got an easy Round 1 and are likely bound for the Final 4, but a more balanced team like Milk Proxy or FWXBC could deny them a trip to the finals.

Milk Proxy Society

Tournament Seed: #13

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.50

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 5.5 • 2.5 • 4.0 • 5.0

Power Ranking: 4 (Luckey), 3 (Ace)

LH: I’m not sure how this team got seeded so low. Sure, their lineup is average overall, though the only rating below 3* is the #9 spot, so it seems pretty optimized. That rotation, however, is a dangerous beast. They have more stars than Macchiato City, but are slightly less optimized for a best-of-5 series. Still — trotting out three pitchers rated at 5* or more is a thing you want in a tournament. Naturally, this rotation is facing off against the highest-rated lineup (Royal PoS) in the Coffee Cup. This is because splorts gods are fickle and find humor in the fact one of these powerhouse teams will fall out in Round 1.

AA: Similarly to Mac City, the MPS has what looks to be an unstoppable rotation. The difference is that the Proxy Society, though lacking in big-name bats, only has one real weakness, and it’s at the bottom of the order (sorry, Theo!!). I actually had the Proxy Society first in my rankings for a while, but they’ve just got a slightly tougher slate than my #1 pick. They face a fairly rough first matchup in Royal PoS (if anyone can stop this unstoppable staff, it’s them), but if they can withstand that and get favorable matchups against FWXBC, I see no reason why this club can’t make a finals run.

Light & Sweet Electric Co.

Tournament Seed: #10

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.89

Rotation Stars — 4.0 • 3.0 • 3.5 • 3.0 • 3.5

Power Ranking: 4 (Ace), 3 (Luckey)

LH: After my breathless appreciation for the “best” or “strongest” lineups or rotations, it may seem a bit odd to have a team like this ranked above those teams. L&S Electric Co. has a dependable, if not flashy, rotation. (Counterpoint: any rotation with Cell Barajas leading Usurper Violet AND Bonk Jokes, followed by two Combs, is flashy in my book, stars be damned.) The Electric Co. has a top-notch lineup that leads off with big-time hitting in spots 1-5. They also have one of the easier roads to the final four, which helps their ranking.

AA: I went back and forth on this ranking a lot, because the Electric Co aren’t an easy team to gauge. They’re not as consistent as FWXBC, and lack the star arms of a Mac City or a Water Works to compensate for the holes in their lineup. I think they’ll probably breeze past Club de Calf, but if Real Game Band can push the series vs Mac City to 4 or 5 games, Light & Sweet’s chances may soon turn sour. If not? They could power their way to the finals and beyond.

FWXBC

Tournament Seed: #5

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.83

Rotation Stars — 5.0 • 4.0 • 3.5 • 3.5 • 4.5

Power Ranking: 2 (Ace), 1 (Luckey)

LH: And here it is, my pick for the favorite in the Coffee Cup. They have a lineup that is high quality, consistent from top to bottom with little weakness. Thomas Daracaena leads off with an Actual Airplane, and there doesn’t look to be an easy out all the way through. The rotation is top three in the Cup, and can match up with any other rotation. The risk to FWXBC is that tournaments sometimes favor unbalanced teams over those that are consistent throughout the roster. But until we see which way chaos blows, FWXBC has the track to bring home the inaugural Coffee Cup. 

AA: I’ve always believed that, especially in a tournament, consistency is key, and FWXBC are the epitome of consistency. No hitters sit below 3 stars, and no pitchers below 3.5. Their leadoff hitter, Thomas Dracaena, is one of the league’s most consistently good hitters. There are some interesting position swaps, such as Tot Clark and Castillo Turner, that actually improve the team overall. Sure, they’ll probably get overpowered in some games by a juggernaut offense like Royal PoS or a shutdown staff like the Proxy Society’s. But as long as they can keep plugging away, FWXBC could certainly stay the course and take the Cup.

Americano Water Works

Tournament Seed: #3

Avg. Hitting Stars — 3.89

Rotation Stars — 5.5 • 3.0 • 5.0 • 1.5 • 3.0

Power Ranking: 2 (Luckey), 1 (Ace)

LH: This team was a prohibitive favorite when all we had was a list of available players. The big concern was around the rotation options. Then it was announced that Nagomi McDaniel would captain the rotation, and there was much excitement in the Water Works. That said, the rotation is still an up-and-down affair, but it helps that they can sandwich Inky’s Blagonball between Nagomi & Scandal, and finish off with Silvia Rugrat. Meanwhile the vaunted Americano lineup has Cerveza, Cashmoney, and Blackburn up top, and finishes with the Haunted Esme Ramsey. Americano has a slightly tougher path to the championship than my top-ranked team on this list, but they are a very good shot to win it all.

AA: Alright, I’m gonna be honest — I was tempted to put FWXBC at #1 too, and Luckey is definitely justified in doing so. But even though I said consistency is key, I’m a sucker for star power, and hoo boy do the Water Works have plenty. Aldon Cashmoney — who had one of the best offensive seasons in Blaseball history in Season 11 — isn’t even leading off this lineup, which has a formidable triple threat leading off and some underrated — and Haunted — hitters at the bottom. Plus, the weaker hitting links player superb defense, including the 8 (!!) defensive-star Richardson Games. Yes, as Luckey said, the rotation is a concern. But as the Tacos and others have proven time and time again, who needs pitching when nobody can get you out? Americano could certainly be upset by Inter Espresso, who are similarly configured, but no way are they going out without a fight — and probably some runs along the way.

That’s All, folks.

We hope you enjoyed reading our power rankings and we hope you enjoy watching the Coffee Cup!

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the commissioner is doing a great job.

The post Blaseball Prospectus Coffee Cup Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

(So is the discipline era).

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the traditional full Season recap! I hope you’re ready to buckle in and read about some of the most exciting happenings of our beloved Season 10. Ascension was finally achieved and there seems to be a new Boss in town. Oh, yeah, we also killed a god.

At the end of Blaseball Season 9 – Discipline Era: Forecast, three Decrees were passed by the Blaseball community: Forecast: Birds, Forecast: Blooddrain, and Forecast: Solar Eclipse.

These three weather types had established and known effects upon our beloved Players. Birds often did nothing, except for occasionally chewing a Shelled player out of their Shell (more on that later). The Blooddrain, when it gurgled, allowed a Player to siphon ability from one of their opponents. The Solar Eclipses… well… During those, Rogue Umpires would often Incinerate players, sending them straight to the Hall of Flame as a replacement was called up.

These Decrees, in addition to setting the weather for Season 10 to only these three, modified Players on every team.

• Forecast: Birds gave a Pitcher on each Team “Friend of Crows,” allowing them to encourage birds to attack a Batter during Birds weather, causing an Out.
• Forecast: Blooddrain made a Player on every Team a Siphoner, making them siphon blood more often during Blooddrain weather. Also, Siphoning could remove a ball from a pitch count or add a defensive Out.
• Forecast: Solar Eclipse gave a Batter on each team Fire Eater, causing them to swallow fire instead of being Incinerated during a Solar Eclipse. When a Player swallowed fire, the became Magmatic and hit a home run in their next at bat.

These new and special effects hurt and hindered Players and Teams throughout the League, but the main attraction was the pure amount of Blooddraining all those Siphoners caused.

There were 84 Siphons in 99 Days. The next closest in a Season has been 29, in Season 7.

A major benefitiary of all of this Blooddraining was Richardson Graves of the Charleston Shoe Thieves, who became the best Defensive player in recorded ILB history, in addition to being the first Seven Star player in any statistical area.

Somehow, with all of the Solar Eclipses, only two Players were Incinerated. However, these fan favorite Players are sure to be missed.

RIV YEONG-HO BENITEZ OF THE PHILLY PIES.

RIV ANNIE ROLAND OF THE YELLOWSTONE MAGIC.

Welcome to the League, Yusef Puddles and Bonk Jokes!

Following a Regular Season that was filled with relatively few surprises (at least to me!) we entered a Postseason that started off with a bang. The Wild Card Round was drawn up, pulling the Hellmouth Sunbeams and New York Millennials out of #PartyTime to face off against the 4th Place teams from both Leagues, the Unlimited Tacos and Philly Pies.

Well:

The Millenials & Sunbeams quickly completed 2-0 defeats of their opponents and we moved on with the rest of the playoffs. Skipping to the Finals, the Playoffs worked out like this:

The Baltimore Crabs quickly sent the Shoe Thieves packing with a 3-0 defeat, preventing another big comeback from the very same team that was their opponent the year before.

The Crabs, with a fresh League Championship under their belt, then got the honor to face off against the Terrifying and Horrible Shelled One’s Pods, a team formed by the Big Peanut that’s been lurking around for the majority of the Discipline era, almost entirely out of players that happened to be Shelled at the conclusion of Season 9.

I would write something about the grand battle between The Shelled One and the Most Powerful Dynasty That Blaseball Has Ever Seen (Crabs) here or give you an image to look at, but I simply don’t have much more information than this:

The Shelled One’s hit a single Single, completely and instantly demolishing the Team Spirit of the Crabs, defeating them in one Pitch.

“Landry Violence Rises.”

Oh, what a beautiful thing to see, what a beautiful thing to read. The Monitor appeared to fight the Shelled One, bringing with it all of our past Incinerated friends, fourteen of them in fact, like it had promised us so long ago that it would.

With a monstrous Team Spirit Bar that dwarfed even the Shelled One’s (the Hall Star’s Spirit was roughly equal to the total tribute to the 14 players), the two teams went to battle.

The teams went back and forth, exchanging inning after inning of hits, ours, strikes, balls, and home runs. Sebastian Telephone, a member of the Hall Stars, was tragically Incinerated once again, a mere few innings back into his second lease on life (RIV). Axel Trololol and Jaylen Hotdogfingers (who was sent back to the Hall of Flame in Idol Board high jinks we don’t have the time to cover today [Spoiler: Tillman Henderson was brought back from the dead. Largely accidentally]) swapped between the teams continually (Though both were Saboteurs who sometimes purposefully failed while on the Shelled Ones). Other intense happenings, well, happened.

It was a game of Blaseball but yet, so much more.

As the Monitor loomed behind an increasingly irate Shelled One, Landry Violence became Magmatic (Thanks to their Fire Eater perk gained through aforementioned Idol Board happenings) and slammed a home run, putting the Shelled Ones on the ropes.

With a final Homer from the iconic fan-favorite and former New York Millennial, Dominic Marijuana, the Shelled One’s Pods were defeated.

The moral of the story is that victory is sweet, but Peanuts are bland.

Also, we beat a god.

We Are All Love Blaseball.

There’s much, much more to discuss about the Election and preceding events, such as the Ascension of the Crabs, and a new Team added to the ILB. And… well…

Keep an eye out for that tomorrow.

the ceo commissioner is doing a great job.

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The post The Full Season 10 Recap. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Welcome once again to the totally perfect® Blaseball News Network Power Rankings, a production of the Blaseball News Network. We’ve once again assembled our team of Blaseball Experts (This week: Benson “Nutty” Newton, Firewall Andrews, Splortscaster, & Behind the Bats) to create the definitive Power Rankings for Season 10.

Without further ado, let’s get into it.

20.  Yellowstone Magic [-2]

All the Magic wanted was a fishing net … but the Blaseball gods did not allow it. This club spent most of Season 9 near the bottom of the Mild League and figures to do so again in Season 10, with some moderate buffs from Enhanced Party Time but not much else to feel optimistic about. Eizabeth Elliott and Inky Rutledge both picked up some strength heading into the offseason and are names to watch if this club makes an impact in Season 10.

19.  Hawai’i Fridays [-]

The Fridays want their dork back, and their quest to defeat the gods starts in Season 10 with an improved but not deicide-worthy lineup and rotation. Lots of party time buffs have boosted this pitching staff to decent levels, led by former Steaks pitcher Gabriel Griffiths. The lineup is still relatively weak, and after scoring the fewest runs in blaseball last season, it’s doubtful we see them do much more than that in Season 10. Party up and go get York back, Fridays! 

18. Miami Dale [-2]

The Dale had the unfortunate luck of barely missing the Season 9 Playoffs, barely getting to Party for improvement. They missed out on any buffs in the Election while the one team that finished behind them in the Wild Low, the Tacos, became significantly better. The Dale will probably have a bit of a rough Season 10.

17.  Breckenridge Jazz Hands [-2]

The Jazz Hands continue their slide downwards after another disappointing season. Missing playoffs for the second time in a row but spending no meaningful time in Party Time and winning no blessings (asides from the Wild High-wide 5th Base Bubble) means that the Jazz Hands have seemingly nowhere to go but down after no meaningful changes. 

16.  Mexico City Wild Wings [+1]

Well, welcome to the Wild League, Wild Wings. These former Champs had a rough go of it this season, ending at 36-62. With a good amount in Party Time, the 5th Base Bubble, and two new solid players from their Shadows, we’re passively optimistic about their chances, but aren’t going all in. 

15.  Chicago Firefighters [-1]

The Firefighters make up another Wild High team who spend much of their time losing the Crabs and more powerful Wild Low teams, sadly. With no extreme improvement for several seasons, and another disappointing finish that still didn’t result in much Party Time, they’ve slipped another place. However, they did get a decent Lineup improvement from the addition of Socks Maybe (through the sheer power of such an incredible name) and also will benefit from the 5th Base Bubble.

14.  Kansas City Breath Mints [-3]

A combination of good luck and good vibes set the Mints off to an amazing start in Season 9, but everything came tumbling down over the course of the campaign. However, that meant plenty of party time, and we’ve heard that Winnie Hess is looking as good as ever on the mound — and even at the plate during practices — thanks to all that time spent celebrating. The bats will need to step up to support Hess and a solid pitching staff for the Mints to outperform this mediocre ranking.

13.  Unlimited Tacos [+7]

In what may be the biggest jump in the history of BNN Power Rankings (we’re lying, that’s later in the article), the Unlimited Tacos transformed themselves into solid playoff hopefuls during Season 9 Proceedings. Benefitting from plenty of partying, 10% buffs to both Hitting and Pitching, a 2% buff from Mutually Arising, trimming their worst player (Wyatt Dovenpart) from their Lineup, and having a single (and now quite solid) pitcher on the mound, the Unlimited Tacos suddenly are looking like a well rounded Blaseball team (albeit, a very small one). 

12.  Charleston Shoe Thieves [-8]

Normally in power rankings, defending champions are ranked near the top. But the Shoe Thieves take a tumble with the curses they received following the boss battle against the Shelled One. Don’t get us wrong … this is still the incredible pitching staff that won the Season 9 title, but until we know what “mild pitches” do and how bad “flinching” will be for the batters, there’s reason to downgrade this club. Plus, Jaylen Hotdogfingers changes teams often, and it would be a huge blow for the Shoe Thieves to lose her in Season 10.

11.  Dallas Steaks [+1]

The Steaks will look for revenge after a rogue umpire incinerated one of their pitchers this offseason, and they’ll be driven forward by one of the league’s best players. Conner Haley is coming off of his second 40-homer season and is now “spicy,” meaning he could go on some really dangerously good hitting streaks in Season 10. However, Dallas is lacking on pitching and defense, which ultimately should keep them just shy of the playoffs.

10.  New York Millennials [-4]

This team has under performed relative to expectations for seasons, and finally they’re starting to slip down our rankings. That said, they still have some incredible talents on offense led by Thomas Dracaena and should make some noise with the bats … but the pitching and defense might not be enough for a playoff push. Plus, as Millennials correspondent Rhett Fouler mentioned on Twitter, the Mills have a poorly constructed batting lineup that holds them back from their true potential.

9.  San Francisco Lovers [-2]

The Lovers still continue to disappoint, finishing under .500 in Season 8. They still have some of the best pitching and defense in Blaseball, but their offense doesn’t quite seem up to the task. However, with the Wild High Fifth Base Bubble and their new Love blood in play, they may get the boost they need to return to the playoffs. 

8.  Philly Pies [+1]

Jessica Telephone has left the club, as has Peanut Holloway, so the Philly batting order is much less potent than it was in seasons past. But Jaxon Buckley and Eduardo Woodman will now star in a tight, efficient hitting lineup, and Elvis Figueroa will anchor a pitching staff that performs better than expectations, especially newcomer to Philly Henry Marshallow. This is a borderline playoff team, and with some luck and positive transactions this season, could make some noise.

6.  Boston Flowers [+4]

Another Season, another big jump for the Boston Flowers. After finishing 3rd overall in the Wild League, the Flowers picked up Shame Bubble for the Wild Low and gained Scores Baserunner, a 3* Hitter in the Season 9 Election. Together with the 2% Buff from the Mutually Arising Blessing, the Flowers will be fun to watch. 

Also 6. Hellmouth Sunbeams [+4]

That’s right, another tie. Our team couldn’t decide. So here we are. The Sunbeams had a solid building Season 9, making their 2nd Postseason in a row and nabbing several division wide buffs to help them out. While this may be overestimating the Sunbeam’s abilities, we’re happy to have them higher in the top 10 for Season 10.

5.  Seattle Garages [-]

Mike Townsend is back! But will he be a credit to the team? Seattle’s offense is solid, led by Oliver Notarobot, and they have strikeout machine Betsy Trombone on top of a decent but inconsistent pitching rotation. There’s enough power and decent pitching from Trombone, Arturo Huerta and Tot Clark to get the Garages back into the playoffs, but they aren’t true title contenders without an ace like Jaylen Hotdogfingers in the rotation.

4.  Canada Moist Talkers [+9]

The largest jump in BNN Power Rankings History! The Talkers had not seen a ton of love from offseason blessings in recent seasons, but they made up for that with some huge boosts heading into Season 10. Not only is star pitcher Polkadot Patterson out of their shell and therefore not whisked away to the Shelled One’s team, but the team added hitting stats across the board and will benefit from the late-season addition of Beasley Gloom to a solid pitching staff. If everything comes together and the hitting boosts pay off, this is a legitimate title contender, or at least a solid playoff club in the Mild league.

3. Houston Spies [-]

The Spies Won a lot in Season 9, winning the Wild Low and reaching the Playoffs with ease. They didn’t see any improvement this Offseason past a Wild Low-wide 2% buff and obviously spent no time in EHP. They’re still strong, but expect some regression thanks to improvement of other Wild Low teams and Wild High teams being helped by 5th Base. Of course, they’re protected from Shame thanks to the Flowers!

2. Hades Tigers [-]

Firewall Andrews was the highest on the Tigers in our preseason rankings, putting them first — the only ranker to not put the Baltimore Crabs in that spot. He told us he believes the Crabs have shown enough flaws in the postseason to take a step down from the top spot, and the Tigers received some solid buffs to an already great pitching staff this offseason. Will we see ascension in Season 10 from the Tigers and not the Crabs? At least one of our staff thinks so.

1. Baltimore Crabs [-]

For the first time since Season 5, one of our panelists voted for the Crabs to be #2. No matter. Hot off a Championship finals they narrowly lost and with the Fifth Base Bubble and a newly Unshelled Best-Hitter-In-Blaseball Nagomi Mcdaniels (now both Incineration-proof and at a higher chance to benefit from Blooddrain) on their side, the Crabs are once again looking incredible. They did lose solid baserunning and defensive power in Tillman Henderson’s incineration, but we’re sure they’ll bounce back. 

The post Blaseball Season 10 Power Rankings appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

One pitch was all it took.

Dominic Marijuana, star and captain of the New York Millennials, stepped to the plate in the 11^th inning of a 2-2 game with two outs and nobody on base. The Mills had clawed back into the game to tie it up at 2 in the 8^th, but both pitchers had shut down the opposing lineups since.

Dom took his practice swings, adjusted his helmet and stepped into the box. The first pitch came in low and outside. Ball one.

He stepped out again, to take a few cuts and adjust his helmet, his usual pre-pitch routine. The Seattle pitcher looked in for the signs. She shook off a couple and then nodded. She brought her glove to her waist as Dom waited in the box. She wound up and unleashed a fastball that went high and inside.

Dom had no time to get out of the way and he was hit hard in the middle of the back with the pitch. He went down in pain as the entire stadium went silent. Every face on the Mills bench went white.

Dominic Marijuana, the best batter in the lineup, captain of the Mills, one of the most popular players in Blaseball, had been marked for death. A debt needed to be collected.

Dom was hit by Jaylen Hotdogfingers on Day 55 of Season 7, the first of a three-game set between the New York Millennials and the Seattle Garages, teams in different leagues, with not much history up to that point. The game featured two aces on the mound as the Mills were looking to make a run to get in the playoff picture and the Garages were looking to solidify their playoff standing.

The Mills started out rough that season, losing the first six games, but had turned it around a bit to be at .500, 27-27, entering Day 55. Seattle was playing very well with a record of 31-23 including a three-game sweep of the Dallas Stakes in their previous series. The story line of two good teams, fighting for playoff position, with their best pitchers throwing would have been exciting enough. But all of this was secondary to the pitcher who started the game for the Garages and how she had changed the game, Jaylen Hotdogfingers.

Jaylen, the first ever player to be incinerated in the game of Blaseball when the Forbidden Book was opened, returned from the void at the end of Season 6. She was reincarnated, or brought back from the brink, or recused from hell (no one is really sure) and became a pitcher for the Garages at the beginning of the season, but with a new mod, Debted. But what did that mod mean? No one could know how Jaylen’s debt would impact the league. You can read more about Jaylen and more in this fantastic piece.

Jaylen took the mound for her first start in the 5^th game of the new season and immediately something was wrong. In the top of the second, Jaylen hit Dickerson Morse of the Kansas City Breath Mints. Morse immediately became Unstable, a new mod that no one had seen before. Jaylen would go on to hit two more batters that game, both times resulting in an Unstable mod for the hit player. While being Unstable was strange, nothing appeared to happen to these players and the mods dissipated after nine games. Jaylen would pitch four more games and hit five more players. But that was it, nothing strange happened to the players she hit.

After not hitting a batter in two straight starts, Jaylen toed the rubber on Day 30 against the Tigers and hit three batters. It wasn’t until two days later, Day 32, that people began to understand the implications of the Debted mod. On that day, two players previously hit by Jaylen were incinerated in one game. And another player in the same game, not on the Tigers also met a fiery demise. This set off a chain reaction that resulted in two other players also being lost in the next game. Five dead over two games directly related to Jaylen’s pitching. BNN covered the events of the chaotic two days in Blaseball history in this fabulous article.

After Days 32 and 33, teams began to realize that Unstable players were at a much higher risk of being incinerated in games taking place during a solar eclipse weather event. The league was on the lookout and trying to determine when Jaylen was on the mound and praying that none of their batters got hit. After the fiasco of Days 32 and 33, Jaylen pitched four more games and hit three more batters, but no one else had been incinerated when the Mills came to town on Day 55.

Jaylen had not been pitching particularly well coming into her start on Day 55. She was on a three-game losing streak and looking to get back on track. Opposing her was Mills ace, Theo Cervantes. Theo only won four of his first 10 starts but had only surrendered 32 runs in those games, giving up 4 runs or more in a game a mere one time in that stretch. The offensive support just wasn’t there to support Theo so far that Season.

The batter carrying the Mills that was there was team captain and fan favorite, Dominic Marijuana. Dom was having a stellar season coming into the series. Batting .317, with 17 homeruns and 33 RBI, he was the best leadoff hitter in the league and a huge presence in the Mills locker room, the organization, and the entire Blaseball community. The batting tandem of Dom and slugger Thomas Dracaena batting 1-2 for the Mills struck fear into the hearts of all Blaseball pitchers. When both of these players were playing well, the Mills seemed unstoppable. The belief around the league was these two sluggers would form the core of the team’s lineup for seasons to come.

A complete and total sense of dread surrounded Game 55. Every team facing Jaylen felt this sensation, but it felt much heavier for this game than usual.

As predicted, the game turned into a fierce pitcher’s duel. Jaylen did not allow a hit until the top of the 5^th, and Theo pitched very well, only surrendering 2 runs through the first 6 innings. Seattle held a 2-1 lead going into the top of the 8^th and, most amazingly, Jaylen had yet to hit a batter. Maybe, just maybe, the Mills would escape this game spared the wrath of Jaylen Hotdogfiners.

With one out in the top of the 8^th, Schneider Bendie blasted a solo home run off Jaylen to tie the game at 2-2. Both pitchers shut down the opposing line up in the 9th and the game headed to extras. The Mills had faced Jaylen Hotdogfingers for 9 innings and not a single batter had been hit.

After a scoreless 10^th on both sides, Dom came to bat. Two outs in the bottom of the 11^th. Empty bases.

Jaylen nailed him with a 1-0 pitch.

After a few moments of disbelief, Dom was able to make it to first base with a smile. For a player who was now marked as Unstable, he seemed at ease. He was thrown out trying to steal second a few pitches later to end the inning. Theo was stellar in the bottom of the inning, and the game moved onto the 12^th.

In the 12^th, Winnie Mccall singled, and two batters later, Andrew Solis hit a two run homer to give the Mills the lead. The very next pitch, Nandy Fantastic crushed a pitch over the center field wall to extent the team’s winning margin. Theo allowed a single hit with two out in the bottom of the inning, but struck out Luis Acevedo to seal the win for the Mills.

The Mills won, but no one celebrated. While Dom was not gone yet, he was a deadman walking.

The team would split the next two games to win the series against the Garages. On Day 58, the Mills would take on Miami Dale under a Solar Eclipse. The eyes of the entire league were on Dom during the next game. Would he make it through the eclipse and avoid the wrath of the rouge umpires?

Indeed, he did. Dom survived the 7-3 loss on Day 58, going 1-4. Maybe Dom would survive, he had survived three days so far, and one Solar Eclipse. Not every player hit by Jaylen is incinerated, after all.

Even though Day 59 called for a Solar Eclipse, he would surely survive. People in the league and the club tried to look at the positive side, but it felt hallow.

Dom was on a tear since he became Unstable, batting .571 over almost three games. It was as if he had found another level of batting to propel the Mills into the playoffs. The Mills were beating up on the Dale 8-1 in the top of the 6^th inning when Sandie Turner was at bat.

While in the dugout, a rouge umpire trained its sights on Dom and incinerated him.

The captain, the face of the team, of the league was sent to the void.

While everyone was surprised, his death felt inevitable. The moment he was hit on that night in Seattle, he was marked for death. His life was a debt that needed to be collected.

We all knew his story would end in tragedy, which, paradoxically. makes his loss easier to understand, but much harder to accept.

Blaseball is relentless and the game must go on. The Mills scored 9 more runs after Dom’s death to thrash the Dale 17-2.

Dom’s demise was not only a huge loss for the team and the league emotionally, but it left a massive hole in the Mills lineup. Charlatan Seabright is a decent player, but she is no Dom, and it would not be fair to hold her to that standard.

The Mills not only soldiered on after the loss, they went on a tear, galvanizing around the loss of their most feared player, going 15-5 in the 20 games after Dom’s incineration. The team went 25-15, a .625 winning percentage in the final 40 games, to finish the season and clinch a playoff spot on the last day of the season. But without Dom in the lineup, the had no chance against the mighty Crabs and were swept in the opening round, barely putting up a fight. The next season, the Mills almost made the playoffs, losing in the last series to miss the post season by a game.

Jaylen lost her next two starts after Day 55 to extend her losing streak to six straight games. She won her start on Day 70 to break the skid and went 3-2 down the stretch for the Garages. She would hit 11 more batters in the regular season, which lead to two additional incinerations, including league favorite Boyfriend Monreal on Day 96.

The Garages went 24-20 in the games after Jaylen hit Dom and hobbled into the playoffs. After beating the favored Shoe Thieves in a full five game long series, they fell in the Mild League Championship Series to the eventual IBL Champion Wild Wings in four games.

Jaylen pitched in two post season games, going 2-0 and hit hit 8 additional batters, including five on Day 105 alone against the Mexico City Wild Wings, including Miguel Wheeler.

Wheeler was incinerated two days later, becoming the first player on the Wild Wings to be incinerated. It was also the first roster change in the Wing’s franchise history.

The Millenials and Garages franchises are now going in opposite directions. The Mills are a middling team trending downward according to most pundits. When the Mills pitching staff gets on a roll, they are nearly unstoppable, but that happens infrequently. Without the punch Dom brought to the lineup every game (no one has meaningfully stepped up to fill that void in the batting order), compounded by the fact they have not received any power-boosting Blessings of note recently, the Mills offense is average, exactly 10^th in the league in runs scored in Season 8.

The Garages built on their playoff success and won 65 games in Season 8, the most in the Mild League. The incineration caused by Jaylen hitting batters subsided as well.

Instead of becoming Unstable, players Flickered when hit by Jaylen, meaning they were more likely to swap teams instead of be incinerated. This is a positive change that avoided much heartbreak, because she hit more batters in Season 8 than in Season 7.

With the weight of possibly banishing the souls’ of any batter she hit to the void off her shoulders, Jaylen was able to focus on what she does best: pitching.

She dominated the opposition, starting off the season with 12 straight victories, on her way to a 18-1 record. While the Garages were upset in the first round of the Season 8 playoffs by the upstart Philly Pies in three straight games, Season 9 once again looks to be another season that the Garages will challenge for the Mild League crown and a championship with their ace, Jaylen Hotdogfingers leading the way.

Both teams are in the same division in Season 9, thanks to the Mills and Wild Wings swapping divisions. The Mills have faced Jaylen a handful of times this season. How did they respond to the pitcher who fated their captain to the void? We would like to this with bravery.

That fated pitch on that one night in Seattle still reverberates in the Mills club house and the league today. And it will play a part in the future of the Mills – Seattle match up for seasons to come.

Two franchises headed in opposite directions. Two players with one fateful interaction.

That’s Blaseball.

The post One Night in Seattle appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with the traditional full Season recap! I hope you’re ready to buckle in and read about some of the most exciting happenings of our beloved Season 8. A Pitching Machine stole the hearts of fans everywhere, a new Champion was crowned, and the Hall exploded in popularity. Let’s get into it.

Following a regular season campaign that saw them once again dominate the league, the Baltimore Crabs once again cruised to Postseason victory. They only lost 2 of their 11 games played, dropping one against both the Houston Spies and the Hades Tigers.

They now join the Philly Pies and Hades Tigers at 2 victories each, placing them into the race for first Ascension. Whatever that means. We’re still not sure.

With the Crabs still looking like the most dominant team in Blaseball history, they very well may pick up their third win in Season 9, finally revealing to us what Ascension means.

At the end of Season 7, we saw that entire Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff stuffed into Peanut Shells through the acts of the Scary Peanut God(?). We all wondered, how will the Tacos be able to win now? How will they compete if they can not throw the ball? After all, as the The Book of Blaseball reads:

In fact, we were so worried that the Tacos would automatically concede every match that we put them at the bottom of our Season 8 Power Rankings. After all, how can you win when you can’t pitch?

Well, it seems that the Unlimited Tacos (or perhaps the Blaseball Gods) had a solution, as as the Season opened, we saw a Pitching Machine being wheeled out the mound. That’s right, a beautiful Pitching Machine was the sole pitcher for the Tacos for a large portion of the Season.

Did I mention that it started out, in fact, a better pitcher than the average Unshelled Tacos pitcher?

We’ve quickly learned, however, that this machine isn’t all it seems at first glance. It has blood (A type) and even enjoys to drink Coffee.

Also, on Day 12 of the Season, it Blooddrained some of Ortiz Lopez’s pitching ability, making it a fresh 3.5* pitcher. Incredible. Another Blooddrain on Day 74 and some Enhanced Party Time saw Pitching Machine end its debut season at 5* of pure pitching mastery… and inside of a peanut shell, as it’s place on top of the Idol Leader board was not at all pleasing to the ever returning Giant Peanut.

In its debut season, the Pitching Machine pitched more innings in a Son than any pitcher in Blaseball history, even with one of its pitching teammates, Sexton Wheerer, being unshelled on Day 47 and taking over some of the Pitching duties.

As many Blaseball fans know, Season 7 was largely defined by the pitching of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the THEN-freshly resurrected Ace from the Seattle Garages. As she accidentally hit players, they would become Unstable, putting them at much higher chance of Incineration. Should a player be Incinerated, the Instability would be passed to another player inside of the game, regardess of team or position.

The Jaylen Instability caused many fan-favorite players to pass on to the Trench in Season 7, leading to a lot of trepidation in Season 8. Would Jaylen continue to rip through the League?

No, at least not in the same way. My favorite resurrected Blaseballer refinanced her debt with the Blaseball Gods, though there is still, in fact, debt. Whenever Jaylen beaned a Player in Season 8, they were instead made to Flicker, an effect that causes a Player to be more likely to get caught up in a Feedback frenzy. Don’t worry, plenty of Players were flickered around from Team to Team. In fact, Eduardo Woodman and Alyssa Harrell of the Pies and Fridays swapped Teams twice in the same Game (causing them to remain on the same squad on which they started the day).

While Jaylen continues to impact the League in her own unique way (and also being a quite solid pitcher for the Garages at the same time), at least she no longer has to incinerate fellow players to square off her dues. It is worth noting, however, that there we no announcements of any of her debt being repaid this season.

Don’t worry, there will be more about Jaylen later.

Right before the amazing Season 8 began, we got a visit from the new face around the Blaseball-verse, The Watcher, who followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from the Hall.

The Watcher proposed a deal. In return for “little eggs” (peanuts), The Watcher would maybe, just maybe, let us see our friends again. What does that mean? Well.

The Watcher opened up the Hall of Flame, a place for fans to tribute peanuts to all of their favorite players. Every single player that has been Incinerated is available for Tribute here, including Boyfriend Monreal, a Kansas City Mint that sadly passed away from Instability in Season 7.

What exactly does the Hall of Flame do? Well, we’re not sure yet. In fact, for a time, there was a Not-Very-Ominous Blue Line below spot 14, but that has since dissipated.

14 players? Huh, that’s the size of a Blaseball team.

After the introduction of a Slider that allowed Blaseball fans of all persuasions to dumpster Peanuts in Tribute rather than clicking one at a time, the counts for each player exploded.

The current Leaders, by some margin, are Landry Violence (the first player incinerated from the Tigers, who inspired the now popular phrase “Rest in Violence,” and the aforementioned Boyfriend Monreal.

At the end of the Regular Season, the Watcher once again showed up and asked us to keep giving Peanuts, just in case we wanted to see out friends again. Ominous.

The final Odd Happening from the Beginning of Season 8 was that, well, there was some microphones on the Idol Leaderboard.

They were stuck on sports 6, 11, and 18, confusing Splorts fans everywhere. What were the Microphone spots for?

Somehow, fans came up with the plan to stick Jaylen Hotdogfingers (told you she’d be back), Sixpack Dogwalker, and NaN into the Microphone slots. Sixpack Dogwalker was chosen for the Pregame Ritual, “Talking to the Microphone,” but I haven’t been able to confirm solid reasoning for the other two. They may have been following clues from The Microphone itself.

As soon as the Peanut had finished telling us “It” is complete (yeah, that’s all the Peanut did this week, besides shelling some of your faves) and the Monitor left after encouraging us to continue shelling out more peanuts to feed it (it’s very hungry for “tiny eggs”), well, this happened.

The Microphone seems to have reached out to these players, unleashing information so shocking to the Blaseball world that nobody is quite sure what to do with it.

Communicating through it’s newly crowned Receivers, both Sixpack and NaN’s Pregame Ritual changed over several minutes.

Hi friends

It is Wyatt

I have a plan

– Wyatt, apparently

These Celestial Receivers, as one could say, have stayed with “I have a plan” as their pregame ritual.

Wyatt Mason, the ex-Unlimited Tacos player that mysteriously dissipated around the time of the Grand Unslam, seems to have been stuck inside the Microphone, or perhaps has been the Microphone this entire time. No matter what is the case. They have a plan, for what though? To get back at

Also, did I mention that all 3 of the Players are now permanently Flickering?

That’s right, NaN, Sixpack Dogwalker, and Jaylen Hotdogfingers are now permanently at a higher chance to be caught up in Feedback Frenzy, permanently. This is specifically terrifying in the case of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. So far, the resurrected Pitcher has largely only terrorized Mild High (and to some extent Mild Low), but permanent Flickering means she’s sure to find a new home before we know it. What other teams will be effected by her wild throws once she inevitably leaves the Seattle Garages?

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

There are certainly other things that happened in Season 8 that I could talk about but those are the major beats. It was an enjoyable time to be sure.

Next? Siesta! Wait, that’s already over. I’m publishing this late because I fell asleep working on it and suddenly woke up at the beginning of Season 9. Weird! Well, I’ll be back with more recaps before you know it.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

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The post THE FULL SEASON 8 RECAP. appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

by Crash Splortswatcher

EDITORS NOTE: This is a work of Blaseball lore that may not line up with established headcannons. Thank you for your understanding.

HELLMOUTH, Utah (BNN)– The sun reflects off façade of a crumbling office building outside the main district of Hellmouth. It’s been a long, hot season, and there’s only more heat to come. A small pink building shines like an oasis across the street.

A few burnt cars lie scattered across the four lane road, and I make my way around them. I know the closest Hellmouth isn’t for a few hundred meters, so I’m not worried about the road collapsing. I wait in the median as a few scooters weaving their way in between all the debris and cars cross in front of me. One rider honked and waved with his third arm.

 A bright electronic OPEN sign flashes above a small caricature of a cat holding a cup of coffee. The bell dings as I make my way inside, and the smell immediately consumes me. It’s pungent and abrasive, but underneath it was something citrusy and floral.  A 20-something walks out from behind the bead curtain in the back corner, their cat ears twitching slightly as they enter the lobby. “Welcome to the Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Café, Assistant Manager Helsinki is right this way.”

I follow the young cat-person back to a private room where Hellmouth Sunbeams Assistant Manager Cassia Helsinki waits. They stand when I enter, a jovial smile filling her face. They hold out a catcher’s-mitt of a hand as they hunches their 7’6″ frame in the suddenly claustrophobic room. The sunlight filters in through a small tinted window pointing at an empty, untended courtyard garden and spills across the table. A beautiful pot of tea and a six pack of  Sunn Light sit on it. “I wasn’t sure which you would prefer,” They say as we both sit down.

“Either works for me, thanks,” I reply.

“It’s nice to finally meet the Hellmouth’s resident reporter, I feel like we’ve been rescheduling this meeting for years now.”

“Only a few weeks, but that’s no worry. I wanted to meet up and have this ready by the time BNN announced me coming down, but it might end up being the best time, right now, I think.” I start flipping through a small notebook I carry with me, partly looking for stats, and partly because I am very nervous.

Crash Splortswatcher: The standings in the league seem to say Hellmouth is headed for their first playoff appearance here in Season 8, how does that feel?

Cassia Helsinki: How does it make me feel? I think we’ve been working very hard, training as much as possible, and this is all just a product of that hard work. In splorts, you get what you give.  Over the seasons, our batting has gotten stronger and stronger, and our pitchers are some of the most ruthless in the league.

CSW: Has anyone in particular stood out to you this season?

CH: Well, I think it’s unfair to point out anyone in particular because it’s truly been a team effort, but I genuinely have to shout out our pitchers and our pitching staff. Zack, Eugenia, and Sandoval have been playing a different game.  Sandoval is tied for highest strikeout percentage at almost 25%, Zack is 5th 23.2% this season. When they pitch, a quarter of the hitter strike out. If you look at walks and hits per inning pitched (WHIP), our blall club is killing it. Traditionally, the average WHIP in blaseball is around 1.3. Sandoval has a .861. Zach has a 1.05, Miguel a 1.036, Eugenia a 1.104. We’re striking out a quarter of our opponents, and  only allowing a hit OR walk an inning. In blaseball, nobody has control until the ball is in play, and that’s up the pitcher. The defense starts with them, and there is nothing like having full confidence in that defense.

CSW: That’s a lot of statistics, is that how you see the game?

CH: Well, you have to be honest with yourself. I have always wanted to be the best, in whatever I do, and I want to put ourselves in a position where if the players also want to be the best, we can be the best. I provide the managers with as much data and information as I can, and hope we can work towards creating a winning game plan. A lot of things fall to the gods, but statistics can pull just as much from them as they can take from us.

CSW: I understand completely. Winning is a mindset, some great players have said.

CH: I agree.

CSW: Speaking of the gods, do you fear the peanut?

CH: We have Coach Sol, why would I fear a legume?

CSW: After what happened to Jaylen, and we are after all in the Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Café, that’s genuinely what you believe?

CH: The gods can place whatever they’d like in front of us, the sun is what provides. If you look at our players’ star ratings that the gods have given us, they aren’t that impressive. But the sum of those parts, inspired by Coach Sol, have risen above basic star ratings. We are more than what the gods deem us capable of, and I think our results show that.

CSW: That’s a bold statement.

CH: The nut is too busy dealing with the games it’s trying to play it’s children. We’re here to win blaseball games. The Monitor will see that everything is handled, as is intended.

Confidence poured off Helsinki in waves, crushing any doubt I had about the Sunbeams chances in the playoffs. We chat for a few more minutes before they receive a phone call. They tell me it’s urgent business, that the life of a Blaseball Assistant Manager is a flurry of games and players and numbers. Never enough time in the day to do the things they need to. I hear the bell on the front door chime as they leave.

I sip on Sunn Light as I look out the window into the courtyard. A small patch of weeds has caught fire, but there isn’t any other greenery left for it to spread to. The Sunbeams seem like they’re in a good position heading into their first playoff berth of the current era ILB.

Helsinki spoke highly of their pitching and their overall defense, but we can’t be ignoring the offense either. Nerd Pacheco has a batting average of .328, which is number 3 in the league. Hahn Fox has the third most triples hit in the ILB with 22, and the most total bases with 232. When it comes to hits, Hahn and Nerd are 1 & 2 in the league with 108 and 101 respectively.  Igneus Delacruz is also on fire with 97 hits, tied for 6th. Nerd Pacheco and Hahn Fox are seen together on the leaderboard yet again, this time in slugging percentage (how many bases per at bat, not counting walks or hit-by-pitches). Nerd is number 4 in the ILB with 63%, and Hahn number 5 with a 62.9%.

Making my way out of the Café, I realize Cassia is right. When you look at the numbers, the Sunbeams are in a very good position. Moving into their first post season appearance, I don’t think it’s naïve to think the Sunbeams have a real shot to go all the way. After the drama and intensity of Season 7, things have been fairly quiet however. With a siesta approaching next week, it really makes me nervous — what does the post-season have in store for all of us?

The post Sunbeams on Fire as they Head into Postseason appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with my first inter-Season recap in quite some time! It’s finally time to put my writer’s hat back on and give you the awesome recaps that you all supposedly know and love. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

At the end of Season 7, we saw that entire Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff be stuffed into Peanut Shells through the acts of the Scary Peanut God. We all wondered, how will the Tacos be able to win now? How will they compete if they can not throw the ball? After all, as the The Book of Blaseball reads:

In fact, we were so worried that the Tacos would automatically concede every match that we put them at the bottom of our Season 8 Power Rankings. After all, how can you win when you can’t pitch?

Well, it seems that the Unlimited Tacos (or perhaps the Blaseball Gods) had a solution, as as the Season opened, we saw a Pitching Machine being wheeled out the mound. That’s right, a beautiful Pitching Machine has been the Taco’s sole pitcher for 30 games now.

Did I mention that it is, in fact, a better pitcher than the average Unshelled Tacos pitcher?

We’ve quickly learned, however, that this machine isn’t all it seems at first glance. It has blood (A type) and even enjoys to drink Coffee.

Also, on Day 12 of the Season, it Blooddrained some of Ortiz Lopez’s pitching ability, making it a fresh 3.5* pitcher. Incredible. I look forward to keeping up with Pitching Machine’s career as it progresses.

As many Blaseball fans know, Season 7 was largely defined by the pitching of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the freshly resurrected Ace from the Seattle Garages. As she accidentally hit players, they would become Unstable, putting them at much higher chance of Incineration. Should a player be Incinerated, the Instability would be passed to another player inside of the game, regardess of team or position.

The Jaylen Instability caused many fan-favorite players to pass in Season 7, leading to a lot of trepidation in Season 8. Would Jaylen continue to rip through the League?

No, it seems. Our favorite resurrected Blaseballer is has refinanced her debt with the Blaseball Gods, though there is still, in fact, debt. Whenever Jaylen beans a player now, they are instead made to Flicker, an effect that we’re still not exactly sure what it does. Several experts believe that it increases the chance of a player being swapped in a Feedback Frenzy, but this has not yet been considered.

While Jaylen continues to impact the League in her own unique way (and also being a quite solid pitcher for the Garages at the same time), at least she no longer has to incinerate fellow players to square off her dues.

Right before the amazing Season 8 began, we got a visit from the new face around the Blaseball-verse, The Watcher, who followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from the Hall.

The Watcher proposed a deal. In return for “little eggs” (peanuts), The Watcher would maybe, just maybe, let us see our friends again. What does that mean? Well.

The Watcher opened up the Hall of Flame, a place for fans to tribute peanuts to all of their favorite players. Every single player that has been Incinerated is available for Tribute here, including Boyfriend Monreal, a Kansas City Mint that sadly passed away from Instability in Season 7.

What exactly does the Hall of Flame do? Well, we’re not sure yet. In fact, for a time, there was a Not-Very-Ominous Blue Line below spot 14, but that has since dissipated.

14 players? Huh, that’s the size of a Blaseball team.

The final Odd Happening from the Beginning of Season 8 through now is that, well, there’s some microphones on the Idol Leaderboard.

They’re seemingly stock on spots 6, 11, and 18. What does it mean?

I have no clue. I guess the fans of Blaseball will have to figure out.

wild high:

As predicted by our Power Rankings, the Baltimore Crabs are crushing the ILB. No matter what happens, the Crabs are just too good to be contended with. Even with their two strongest players shelled, they’ve shot out to a dominant lead over the entirety of the League and certainly over Wild High.

Meanwhile, other Wild High teams, while historically all Postseason hopefuls and contenders, are struggling to get to .500, or even .300 in the Lovers and Millennials case. Why is this? I speculate it’s because these teams have not gotten significantly better in a long time, while Wild Low competition has gotten significantly fiercer in the last half a season thanks to Enhanced Party Time. This, on top of being continually pummled by the Crabs, has lead to some sad squads. I’m sure that a few weeks in the All Empowering Party will have these WH teams back up to snuff before I know it, though!

wild low:

Continually one of the most fascinating divisions in the League, Wild Low has siginfincatly improved over the last few seasons. Thanks to a combination of Blessings and now Enhanced Party Time, these once miserable and continually losing teams are starting to shape up into real contenders. In fact, The Sunbeams are gunning for best record in the League, even after facing several WH teams! I look forward to seeing this division continue to develop past it’s early stages of being the worst place to be in the League.

Mild High:

The Dallas Steaks, with fresh rookie hitting powerhouse 4* Rai Spliff and All-Star 5* leadoff Hitter Conner Haley in tow, have tied up the always dangerous Seattle Garages for 1st through 30 games. Both the Steaks and Garages have been quietly performing and improving ever since the Wild/Mild split.

Meanwhile, the Season 7 Mild High Champs, the Kansas City Breath Mints, are seeming to struggle without their Captain and All-Star Boyfriend Monreal, a late Season 7 incineration. Likewise, with their top-3 Pitching Ace in a giant Peanut shell, the already not-quite-awesome Moist Talkers seem to be directly on their way to Party.

Mild Low:

With the Charleston Shoe Thieves on top by two games and the Philly Pies 2 games behind with their star hitter, Jessica Telephone, currently flickering, Mild Low seems as locked up as is possible. Of course, with just 3 games between the Thieves and the Season 8 ILB Champion Wild Wings, anything could happen. Will the Wild Wings go on a tear and surprise us in the next 60 games? Probably!

Meanwhile, the Hawaii Fridays are ready to kick back and relax as they’re sure to continue their downward trajectory in the coming days.

There are surely more things that have happened so far this season. Many weather events, some unfortunate passings, and more, but that’s for another time.

I hope you enjoyed reading this recap, and hope you’ll continue to stay tuned to my employer, the incredible Sentient AI-Driven Blaseball News Network.

the commissioner is doing a great job.

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The post SEASON 8: THE FIRST 30 DAYS appeared first on Blaseball News Network.

SEASON 7 is finished.

Hey there everybody, Benson “Nutty” Newton here with another hot end of Season recap to go over… well, the entire Season! This Season has been full of incredible twists and turns and ended up with a first time Champion. I’ve done my best to summarize things for you below!

As we all know, the great achievement of the Blaseball fandom in Season 6 was resurrecting the first player ever Incinerated, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, through a little bit of Idolization and voting. If you don’t know about that, you can read about it in our Season 6 Recap.

As soon as Jaylen pitched their first game of Season 7, freshly returned from The Trench, it became apparent that all was not quite right. Jaylen immediately started beaning people with Blaseballs, making them Unstable.

As we unfortunately found out before too long, while Unstable a player is at greatly higher odds of being Incinerated, helping Jaylen repay the Debt they are currently carrying.

Oh yeah, the instability chains between Players after a player is Incinerated as well.

When all was said and done by the end of the Season, 12 players had been Incinerated. 12 debts collected. However, according to the Blaseball Gods, a debt is still outstanding. How many must die for the mistake of resurrecting Jaylen to be made right?

Luckily, the carnage was nowhere near the levels of Incinerations of Season 2 and 3, but these deaths seemed to effect the fans the most that they ever have.

During Day 32 of Season 7 of Blaseball, fans and players alike once again learned that there are consequences for their actions. Why else would The Commissioner continually question if we were sure we wanted to resurrect Jaylen?

Jaylen’s way to repay her debt was discovered. Instabilities true nature was revealed.

RIV MOODY COOKBOOK OF THE HADES TIGERS.

RIV ELIJAH BATES OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS.

RIV MCLAUGHLIN SCORPLER OF THE HADES TIGERS.

Of course, as Blaseball always goes, these death’s sorrow were only heightened by the fact that Scorpler was gifted a Fire-Proof Jacket by the Election of Season 5, but decided the Noise-Proof Headphones he was also gifted were cooler instead.

Day 33 came, and the Blaseball player and fan community was already reeling from the unprecedented death and Incineration from the previous Day. However, the Rogue Umpires were not done with targeting Unstable players.

Debts remained to be paid.

RIV KIKI FAMILIA OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

RIV ANTONIO WALLACE OF THE CANADA MOIST TALKERS

Two more players fell, including Kiki Familia, the fresh replacement for Elijah Bates who was just in the 5th Inning of their career.

5 players in one day. consequences from actions.

To be honest, beyond the addition of Hotdogfingers dingers, the Regular Season of Season 7 was delightfully boring. Everything went exactly as it should. The Baltimore Crabs crushed the competition. There was barely any peanuts, Blooddrains, Feedback Frenzies, or Reverbs to be heard or seen. Jessica Telephone was picked free from her Shelled form but is now Superallergic to peanuts. The Kansas City Breath Mints somehow had the best record in the Mild League (through losing one of their best players, Boyfriend Montreal) while being one of the worst teams in it on paper. Enhanced Party Time did exactly as people hoped, giving many of the worst teams in the League some significant boosts to their playing ability.

That’s all. Just how we drew it up.

Since the addition of the Idol Leaderboard to Blaseball, the end of the Regular Season is quickly becoming one of the most exciting times to be a fan of the Splort. In the most ambitious community effort we’ve seen yet, fans from around the League coordinated their Idolization such that all three members of the Legume family (Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Holloway, & Peanut Bong) and all five of the Unlimited Taco’s pitching staff above the Ominous Red Line, which had room for 10. The results?

All five members of the Unlimited Tacos pitching, alongside Patterson of the Canada Moist Talkers, and Axel Trololol of the Baltimore Crabs, are now Shelled and unable to play the Splort. Meanwhile, the Big Peanut seemed appeased by the appearance of its three children above the line.

All three nuts now are “Honey Roasted,” whatever that means. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.

Shortly after the Peanut God appeared on our screens, it was interrupted (or eaten, we’re not sure) by the appearance of… well… this thing.

It claimed to have followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers from The Hall. & The Trench. We assume they’re both the same place. It has come to simply watch Blaseball and observe what Hotdogfingers is doing. We’re sure that this is perfectly fine. Everything is fine.

Hopefully we find out more about what The Watcher wants from us pitiful fans and our beloved Blaseball Players soon.

While largely free from Weather (sparing a Feedback event that swapped the Mexico City Mild Wings back to their true Wild form), this Postseason was one of the most exciting we’ve seen in the History of the Splort!

With many fans anticipating the Baltimore Crabs to sweep through the other teams, all the way to another easy Finals win, we were all in for a surprise.

In some of the best Series that Blaseball has ever seen, the Wild Wings defeated the Kansas City Breath Mints (both surprise Postseason inclusions to begin with). Then, while the San Fransisco Lovers narrowly defeated the Wild League favorites (the Crabs), the Wings handily defeated the Season 6 Mild League Champs, the Seattle Garages. Well, and then…

That’s right. The Mexico City Wild Wings are your Season 7 ILB Champions.

We can’t say it any better than the Wings already did themselves.

It wasn’t an easy journey for the Wild Wings. They didn’t sweep any team. They lost a member of their Season 1 roster for the very first time with the Incineration of Miguel Wheeler, a colony of Rats inside of a tire that somehow played the Splort.

But now, they stand as Champions. The little team that could.

There are certainly other things that happened in Season 7 that I could talk about but those are the major beats. It was an enjoyable time to be sure.

If you’re wanting more content about Blaseball Season 7, check out these options:

• SEASON 7, DAYS 32 & 33
• RIV WORKMAN GLOOM.
• THE ILB SEASON 7 AWARDS.
• THE SEASON 7 ELECTION RUNDOWN, ON THE TAKE ME OUT TO THE BLALL GAME PODCAST.

Here’s to an amazing Season 7 election and an incredible Season 8!

the commissioner is doing a great job.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER. ^PLEASE.

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